Crossroads

[Bullbe]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for long post.

Like many here I have been a longtime lurker but in the recent past things with my wife have taken on a seemingly unstoppable momentum. The latest uptick coming last Saturday night during a particularly hot sex session. As we have done many time over last 3 years, I was sharing a fantasy about her being with another guy. except this time I asked her directly if she wanted strange cock, and, to my surprise and delight, she said yes, “if you can handle it”. We sort of paused and then I replied “I can handle it - do you want it”. “Yes” came the answer and she immediately squirted all over my cock and began to orgasm.

It was late and we had had our share of wine so we feel asleep and didn’t discuss anything about what happened since. However, I feel it in the background and sense a conversation on the way soon. However, it is me that will need to initiate it and I am at this crossroads- do I take that step or let this lie?

How did we get here?
Well that is a question I ask myself daily and on contemplation it still leaves my puzzled but always and, without fail, hard as a rock.

My wife and I are in our early forties, have kids, busy careers and have enjoyed a wonderful relationship in every way for the last 20 years, including a rich and frequent monogamous sex life.

She is amazing. Intelligent, beautiful hard working, devoted and sexy as fuck. She is about 5’ 3, blonde, pretty, slim, fit, 32DD and holds herself with a poise and grace that is just irresistible. she moves around in this enthralling way and has the most magnetic presence. Quite simply the best woman I ever met.

I am a former athlete in good shape 5’ 11’ and am considered as being an attractive person who is good company. I love conversations and trying to understand other people’s point of view. I have been completely faithful to my wife and I give thanks everyday she is in my life.

Yet…yet…. I have this goddam thing (kink, fantasy, perversion, whatever!). I became really aware of it about 3 years ago but once I did I realised that it is something I have always liked. It has left me wondering and struggling with myself and wondering what’s wrong with me and can it be solved. Why would I risk all that I have for this?

It’s been a real struggle but I can’t put it away no matter how many scientific papers I read and podcasts I listen too. In my clear moments i tend to be disgusted ans upset with myself about it. But yet here I am.

What my wife knows.

At this point I have told her everything in the cold light of day well away from the bedroom. It first came up when I shared a really hot dream I had about us in a MFM threesome. She did not judge and we enjoyed our first amazing sex while I spoke through the fantasy. She really really liked it.

But it wasn’t long before she had the questions about this being a ruse for me to sleep with other women, which we are well beyond now.

I have spoken with her about my feeling of shame and guilt and she was very understanding and has helped me deal with them. Her strong view is that it’s from past trauma and emotional abuse.

Outside of the bedroom I have not directly said to her that I want her to sleep with another man. But I think that conversation is available if I want it.

I am reaching out here to this community to get your views. I know the selection bias here is towards those couples where this dynamic has worked out - but there seems to be the entrails of disaster strewn across this site also.

So please, let me know what you think. Should I try to kill this and seek help, try to keep to myself with a little dirty talk every now and again or just have the conversation and go where it takes me.

[newUK]

It took me years to get from telling the Mrs until she actually took the plunge.

Everyone will say communication is key… they are absolutely right. But be sure not to overplay any negative emotions. My HW nearly quit the lifestyle when I admitted I got a pang of jealously when she was with another guy… I had to explain ‘cuck angst’ to her.

It really is the most difficult emotion you will have to experience to understand. Chastity might not be your thing but it’s crucial for me, or at least denial whilst she is playing. If I cum the “post nut clarity” will make you want her to stop what she is doing. At least that’s how I feel, of course I absolutely do not want her to stop having fun. But for those few minutes everything can feel different.

Look forward to seeing how things turn out for you. My biggest question to you… would you really be able to handle it?

[venus-can99]

From someone who is NOT in the lifestyle, there may also be a way to discuss this with a suitable couples therapist. Last weekend I was listening to an interview with a psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He mentioned that he has a number of couple coming to him with a number of issues including how to play safely with ethical non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, etc. So perhaps you maybe able to find a qualified therapist to provide some good advice.
As newUK shared - communication appears to be key.

[naivecuck2]

Do you plan on telling your kids about your new lifestyle? We lied, a lot, to our young elementary school age daughters, for example: that mom was going out of state, for a weekend, country music concert, with girlfriends....I still feel ashamed about lying to our daughters. I gave my wife a "Hall Pass", before the movie, to go out for supper, with a recently divorced, ex high school boyfriend that she had not seen nor talked to in about 17 years. He sent a U.S.P.S. letter addressed to her, to her parents home, wanting to get reacquainted with her...her parents forwarded the letter to my wife. That was the first lie to our daughters that mom was going out with a college girlfriend for supper...she left about 5:00 P.M. and returned about 5:00 A.M. having been fucked to orgasm multiple times....bigger cock and much more stamina. She became immediately "addicted" and they fucked Monday thru Friday, while our daughters were in school and I was at work. I had cuckold angst and hard-on's for two years. Now she is my ex. Be careful what you wish for!

[naivecuck2]

[Bullbe]

It took me years to get from telling the Mrs until she actually took the plunge.

Everyone will say communication is key… they are absolutely right. But be sure not to overplay any negative emotions. My HW nearly quit the lifestyle when I admitted I got a pang of jealously when she was with another guy… I had to explain ‘cuck angst’ to her.

It really is the most difficult emotion you will have to experience to understand. Chastity might not be your thing but it’s crucial for me, or at least denial whilst she is playing. If I cum the “post nut clarity” will make you want her to stop what she is doing. At least that’s how I feel, of course I absolutely do not want her to stop having fun. But for those few minutes everything can feel different.

Look forward to seeing how things turn out for you. My biggest question to you… would you really be able to handle it?

Thanks for this. I really appreciate hearing from experience. The denial is a good tip - keeping that rush would definitely help me handle it in the moment.

But I am more worried on the long term -would I be able to handle her sharing something so special with someone else? This I don’t know.

[Bullbe]

It took me years to get from telling the Mrs until she actually took the plunge.

Everyone will say communication is key… they are absolutely right. But be sure not to overplay any negative emotions. My HW nearly quit the lifestyle when I admitted I got a pang of jealously when she was with another guy… I had to explain ‘cuck angst’ to her.

It really is the most difficult emotion you will have to experience to understand. Chastity might not be your thing but it’s crucial for me, or at least denial whilst she is playing. If I cum the “post nut clarity” will make you want her to stop what she is doing. At least that’s how I feel, of course I absolutely do not want her to stop having fun. But for those few minutes everything can feel different.

Look forward to seeing how things turn out for you. My biggest question to you… would you really be able to handle it?

Thanks for this. I really appreciate hearing from experience. The denial is a good tip - keeping that rush would definitely help me handle it in the moment.

But I am more worried on the long term -would I be able to handle her sharing something so special with someone else? This I don’t know.

Do you plan on telling your kids about your new lifestyle? We lied, a lot, to our young elementary school age daughters, for example: that mom was going out of state, for a weekend, country music concert, with girlfriends....I still feel ashamed about lying to our daughters. I gave my wife a "Hall Pass", before the movie, to go out for supper, with a recently divorced, ex high school boyfriend that she had not seen nor talked to in about 17 years. He sent a U.S.P.S. letter addressed to her, to her parents home, wanting to get reacquainted with her...her parents forwarded the letter to my wife. That was the first lie to our daughters that mom was going out with a college girlfriend for supper...she left about 5:00 P.M. and returned about 5:00 A.M. having been fucked to orgasm multiple times....bigger cock and much more stamina. She became immediately "addicted" and they fucked Monday thru Friday, while our daughters were in school and I was at work. I had cuckold angst and hard-on's for two years. Now she is my ex. Be careful what you wish for!

I am careful what I wish for - believe me. Luckily cock size is not an issue for me. We won’t be telling the kids.

From someone who is NOT in the lifestyle, there may also be a way to discuss this with a suitable couples therapist. Last weekend I was listening to an interview with a psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He mentioned that he has a number of couple coming to him with a number of issues including how to play safely with ethical non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, etc. So perhaps you maybe able to find a qualified therapist to provide some good advice.
As newUK shared - communication appears to be key.

This is good advice - I have actually reached out to a therapist already. See the update below on the conversation I had on this with my wife.

Update: for the last few days we have been having some open clear discussions on this. What I am finding is that I am accepting this aspect of me and it’s making me feel much lighter and relaxed.

I started the conversation by recounting the sex we had the previous week and the conflicting feelings it brought up. I explained to her that I am worried- on a deep philosophical and psychological level I really want this to happen but on a conscious and emotional level I don’t and that I am bouncing back and forth.

Then she said to me - ‘I love you unconditionally’ which absolutely rocked my world. With those words she lifted a huge weight from me. She is also of the strong opinion that there are deeper issues from my past driving this but she wants me to speak about it and not suppress it. I sketched out 4 basic paths forward from here. 1) where we pursue it 2) where we keep it as fantasy play 3) examine deeper background though therapy 4) try to forget and move on. I would say she is happy with 2 and 3, 4 is completely a non runner and with 1 I am not sure yet. She found it hard to articulate herself around that the first time we spoke saying snippets of things like she enjoys the ego boost, that she is worried that her hang ups on sex would be a barrier etc - nothing really that I took as a hard no.

I did ask her how she was feeling about it a day or two later. She said that while she is happy that I am sharing and feeling better that it is not something that she ever thinks she will be able to do. She also emphasised how sex and emotions and one and the same thing for her and if this ever happened she would be very concerned about how that might go for us. But she again was also focused on her own barriers. She also did not want to have sex last weekend - I think because she did not want me to come entangle the feelings of love with the arousal around this - but there may be other reasons. She also expressed concern that I will drive things in that direction and it is what I really want (because I mentioned something in a message about moving at her pace).

I have basically been tingling all over these last few days but at the same time very worried that this might actually work out. This thing is a curse people!

But thanks for the guidance and advice and the PMs I have received- they really help

[Funpa99469]

It took me years to get from telling the Mrs until she actually took the plunge.

Everyone will say communication is key… they are absolutely right. But be sure not to overplay any negative emotions. My HW nearly quit the lifestyle when I admitted I got a pang of jealously when she was with another guy… I had to explain ‘cuck angst’ to her.

It really is the most difficult emotion you will have to experience to understand. Chastity might not be your thing but it’s crucial for me, or at least denial whilst she is playing. If I cum the “post nut clarity” will make you want her to stop what she is doing. At least that’s how I feel, of course I absolutely do not want her to stop having fun. But for those few minutes everything can feel different.

Look forward to seeing how things turn out for you. My biggest question to you… would you really be able to handle it?

Thanks for this. I really appreciate hearing from experience. The denial is a good tip - keeping that rush would definitely help me handle it in the moment.

But I am more worried on the long term -would I be able to handle her sharing something so special with someone else? This I don’t know.

Do you plan on telling your kids about your new lifestyle? We lied, a lot, to our young elementary school age daughters, for example: that mom was going out of state, for a weekend, country music concert, with girlfriends....I still feel ashamed about lying to our daughters. I gave my wife a "Hall Pass", before the movie, to go out for supper, with a recently divorced, ex high school boyfriend that she had not seen nor talked to in about 17 years. He sent a U.S.P.S. letter addressed to her, to her parents home, wanting to get reacquainted with her...her parents forwarded the letter to my wife. That was the first lie to our daughters that mom was going out with a college girlfriend for supper...she left about 5:00 P.M. and returned about 5:00 A.M. having been fucked to orgasm multiple times....bigger cock and much more stamina. She became immediately "addicted" and they fucked Monday thru Friday, while our daughters were in school and I was at work. I had cuckold angst and hard-on's for two years. Now she is my ex. Be careful what you wish for!

I am careful what I wish for - believe me. Luckily cock size is not an issue for me. We won’t be telling the kids.

From someone who is NOT in the lifestyle, there may also be a way to discuss this with a suitable couples therapist. Last weekend I was listening to an interview with a psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He mentioned that he has a number of couple coming to him with a number of issues including how to play safely with ethical non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, etc. So perhaps you maybe able to find a qualified therapist to provide some good advice.
As newUK shared - communication appears to be key.

This is good advice - I have actually reached out to a therapist already. See the update below on the conversation I had on this with my wife.

Update: for the last few days we have been having some open clear discussions on this. What I am finding is that I am accepting this aspect of me and it’s making me feel much lighter and relaxed.

I started the conversation by recounting the sex we had the previous week and the conflicting feelings it brought up. I explained to her that I am worried- on a deep philosophical and psychological level I really want this to happen but on a conscious and emotional level I don’t and that I am bouncing back and forth.

Then she said to me - ‘I love you unconditionally’ which absolutely rocked my world. With those words she lifted a huge weight from me. She is also of the strong opinion that there are deeper issues from my past driving this but she wants me to speak about it and not suppress it. I sketched out 4 basic paths forward from here. 1) where we pursue it 2) where we keep it as fantasy play 3) examine deeper background though therapy 4) try to forget and move on. I would say she is happy with 2 and 3, 4 is completely a non runner and with 1 I am not sure yet. She found it hard to articulate herself around that the first time we spoke saying snippets of things like she enjoys the ego boost, that she is worried that her hang ups on sex would be a barrier etc - nothing really that I took as a hard no.

I did ask her how she was feeling about it a day or two later. She said that while she is happy that I am sharing and feeling better that it is not something that she ever thinks she will be able to do. She also emphasised how sex and emotions and one and the same thing for her and if this ever happened she would be very concerned about how that might go for us. But she again was also focused on her own barriers. She also did not want to have sex last weekend - I think because she did not want me to come entangle the feelings of love with the arousal around this - but there may be other reasons. She also expressed concern that I will drive things in that direction and it is what I really want (because I mentioned something in a message about moving at her pace).

I have basically been tingling all over these last few days but at the same time very worried that this might actually work out. This thing is a curse people!

But thanks for the guidance and advice and the PMs I have received- they really help

Even if nothing ever comes out of this, your increased openness and communication will only serve to bring you both closer together. But, she has to want it, too, albeit can be for much different reasons then why you want it. So, I would try to get her to open up as to why she would or might do it. See if she will explore her feelings like you are exploring yours and see where it leads.

[Coolcalm]

It took me years to get from telling the Mrs until she actually took the plunge.

Everyone will say communication is key… they are absolutely right. But be sure not to overplay any negative emotions. My HW nearly quit the lifestyle when I admitted I got a pang of jealously when she was with another guy… I had to explain ‘cuck angst’ to her.

It really is the most difficult emotion you will have to experience to understand. Chastity might not be your thing but it’s crucial for me, or at least denial whilst she is playing. If I cum the “post nut clarity” will make you want her to stop what she is doing. At least that’s how I feel, of course I absolutely do not want her to stop having fun. But for those few minutes everything can feel different.

Look forward to seeing how things turn out for you. My biggest question to you… would you really be able to handle it?

Thanks for this. I really appreciate hearing from experience. The denial is a good tip - keeping that rush would definitely help me handle it in the moment.

But I am more worried on the long term -would I be able to handle her sharing something so special with someone else? This I don’t know.

Do you plan on telling your kids about your new lifestyle? We lied, a lot, to our young elementary school age daughters, for example: that mom was going out of state, for a weekend, country music concert, with girlfriends....I still feel ashamed about lying to our daughters. I gave my wife a "Hall Pass", before the movie, to go out for supper, with a recently divorced, ex high school boyfriend that she had not seen nor talked to in about 17 years. He sent a U.S.P.S. letter addressed to her, to her parents home, wanting to get reacquainted with her...her parents forwarded the letter to my wife. That was the first lie to our daughters that mom was going out with a college girlfriend for supper...she left about 5:00 P.M. and returned about 5:00 A.M. having been fucked to orgasm multiple times....bigger cock and much more stamina. She became immediately "addicted" and they fucked Monday thru Friday, while our daughters were in school and I was at work. I had cuckold angst and hard-on's for two years. Now she is my ex. Be careful what you wish for!

I am careful what I wish for - believe me. Luckily cock size is not an issue for me. We won’t be telling the kids.

From someone who is NOT in the lifestyle, there may also be a way to discuss this with a suitable couples therapist. Last weekend I was listening to an interview with a psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He mentioned that he has a number of couple coming to him with a number of issues including how to play safely with ethical non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, etc. So perhaps you maybe able to find a qualified therapist to provide some good advice.
As newUK shared - communication appears to be key.

This is good advice - I have actually reached out to a therapist already. See the update below on the conversation I had on this with my wife.

Update: for the last few days we have been having some open clear discussions on this. What I am finding is that I am accepting this aspect of me and it’s making me feel much lighter and relaxed.

I started the conversation by recounting the sex we had the previous week and the conflicting feelings it brought up. I explained to her that I am worried- on a deep philosophical and psychological level I really want this to happen but on a conscious and emotional level I don’t and that I am bouncing back and forth.

Then she said to me - ‘I love you unconditionally’ which absolutely rocked my world. With those words she lifted a huge weight from me. She is also of the strong opinion that there are deeper issues from my past driving this but she wants me to speak about it and not suppress it. I sketched out 4 basic paths forward from here. 1) where we pursue it 2) where we keep it as fantasy play 3) examine deeper background though therapy 4) try to forget and move on. I would say she is happy with 2 and 3, 4 is completely a non runner and with 1 I am not sure yet. She found it hard to articulate herself around that the first time we spoke saying snippets of things like she enjoys the ego boost, that she is worried that her hang ups on sex would be a barrier etc - nothing really that I took as a hard no.

I did ask her how she was feeling about it a day or two later. She said that while she is happy that I am sharing and feeling better that it is not something that she ever thinks she will be able to do. She also emphasised how sex and emotions and one and the same thing for her and if this ever happened she would be very concerned about how that might go for us. But she again was also focused on her own barriers. She also did not want to have sex last weekend - I think because she did not want me to come entangle the feelings of love with the arousal around this - but there may be other reasons. She also expressed concern that I will drive things in that direction and it is what I really want (because I mentioned something in a message about moving at her pace).

I have basically been tingling all over these last few days but at the same time very worried that this might actually work out. This thing is a curse people!

But thanks for the guidance and advice and the PMs I have received- they really help

You are a lucky man. This is , by all accounts, a beautiful and intelligent woman who loves and wants only. Yet willing to indulge your fantasies or at least play into them for added excitement in the bedroom. I sincerely hope this can be enough for you. While the “cuck/stag lifestyle” may be exciting I feel it is not at all worth blowing up a wonderful marriage. And yes there thousands of times where it works on some aspect very successfully, but she is telling you already that this is a slippery slope for her. She’s warning you it wouldn’t go well. The “gambling mind” will want to rationalize and play all that off because the marriage is rock solid, they believe. I’m thinking of “Curious Dave,” “RunDanny…,” “ Big Jim” and quite a few others. They all wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen to them. Things got rocky and for a more than a few, irretrievable.
You already seem to know yourself a good bit and you’re rightfully questioning if you could handle it in real life. She is telling you, in her own way, that this won’t be simple sex for her. Yes it is exciting and fun to think about and even more fun to do if sex and and simple added excitement is all everyone wants. I like. It to somebody REALLY wanting to go to Vegas and spend their whole life savings on some system they believe they have (and some people have done it so it must not be all bad) and telling their spouse it’ll work. Not a smart thing I think we can all agree. Sure go spend a couple of bucks and have fun for a night. Make it a fun weekend thing to do a couple of times a year. But do it everyday or spend 99% of your paycheck every week and somebody is going to want out because the household and security will be destroyed.
I’m not trying to be a downer but want to remind that this is supposed to be an adjunct to a marriage to spice up the sex life a bit. Not something that should be allowed to break it up. One must be very very careful.

[Bullbe]

Thanks Coolclam,

You are a lucky man. This is , by all accounts, a beautiful and intelligent woman who loves and wants only. Yet willing to indulge your fantasies or at least play into them for added excitement in the bedroom. I sincerely hope this can be enough for you.

This is the road I will follow for the near future. She actually has suggested we buy a dildo so we will do that and see where it leads.

But I need to be careful- now that she sees this is part of me and has understood that it fundamentally is about how I love her she is way more open to it.

Over the past few days, my wife and I have had some really open conversations. She’s been incredibly thoughtful and supportive, even though it’s a lot to process. She told me how proud she is that I’m the only one she’s been with and how she sees sex as something sacred. At one point, she asked if this is really something I’d want to experience with another person, which really made me reflect.

What struck me most was her insight when she suggested that maybe, on a subconscious level, I’m trying to prove her love to myself. That hit home. I also opened up about how the most arousing part for me isn’t just the act itself, but the intimacy — holding her hands, looking into her eyes, and reconnecting with her afterward. It felt like she really understood.

It was when we were masturbating together later, she brought up the idea of buying a dildo. It felt to me that she was saying let’s enjoy this in baby steps. In our talks she did actually emphasise that it’s not a no, which gives me hope that she is willingly to explore if there is a way we can do this while still protecting our relationship. I’m grateful that we’re able to be so open, and I’m curious to see where the conversation goes from here

[Jujube]

So are we! Just take it slow..always communicate! She loves you unconditionally and your angst about it is perfectly normal. If you take the big step, you will find her being intimate with another man will undoubtedly explode your intimacy with your wife. It may take months of pillow talk to get your heads in the right place to take it further. Good luck!