I can’t get hard unless I imagine being cucked

[Wannabe123]

I can only get hard if I imagine my wife is being fucked by another guy. I feel pathetic that I can’t get hard normally. I don’t know why I am wired that way. I have been trying to get my wife to cuck me but she is very vanilla and does not want to fuck other guys.

Can anyone help me understand why I am wired to be a cuck?
Since my wife is vanilla there is zero chance she will cuck me. I feel my life is doomed and I will never get what I want in this lifetime. Any advice on what I should do?

[sconesy73]

It's not easy having a kink that's different to societal norms (I can totally empathise with you though) and unfortunately there's rarely a logical explanation as to why we have certain kinks- I'm afraid to say

Rather than ask your wife to fuck other guys- which is a huge deal for most women- have you considered doing role play with her when you're having sex? That's a lot less of a deal than her actually fucking another guy but she could pretend to be fucking someone else when you're fucking her- so rather than "oh wannabe you're amazing" she could be saying "oh Sconesy you're amazing.. so much better than wannabe".
Or tell you about how last time she went out she fucked a guy and he had a huge cock etc..
You're not doomed- it's just sometimes we have to change and adapt our plans to suit the environment rather than expecting the environment to change for us

[Wannabe123]

Thank you sconesy. Everytime I have sex with her I role play that’s it’s someone else fucking her. That’s the only way I can get hard and cum. I have been reading many interesting threads here on OHW about wives cucking their husbands or boyfriends, and it makes me sad that my wife is not into cucking me. The role play sex I am having with my wife is not interesting enough and I want to feel the real thing of a bull owning my wife’s pussy, humiliating me, taking over my master bedroom and making me PF. I want my wife to lock me up, make fun of my small, weak, soft dick and passionately fuck her lovers regularly.

[Wannabe123]

I am obsessed with becoming a cuck to the point that it all I think of day and night. My relationship with my wife is suffering since I feel she is selfish for not fucking other guys inspire of my freedom for her to do so. At this point I have lost all interest in her and am just staying with her because of the kids.

[sconesy73]

Have you talked to her properly about this? As in sat down and talked?
I don't mean to sound rude, but you sound a bit selfish - not her..

[wannabecUKold]

You ask why you are turned on by this.
It is hot watching anyone have sex: the woman moaning towards orgasm and the guy’s erect cock about to enter her.
With one’s wife, there is the added dimension of a power play. It is a way of dominating her without actually doing so yourself.
Being married is a suppressed power play however much you love each other. Sometimes you want to see her used as a sex doll. There may be some revenge in what you’re doing.

Undoubtedly, seeing another man’s erect cock about to enter her is one of the most erotic things to experience. The desire will always be there.

It sounds, however, like you need a reboot. You yourself should try to break the fetish. Maybe have some other sort of sex. Maybe go cold turkey by going away and doing something completely different.
Then of course you need a conversation with your wife to get your sex onto a better footing. Maybe sex counselling. So that she understands your fetish. And you understand her point of view. She might go along with it. Or it might lead to a break up if you’re sexually incompatible.
All that that said, don’t expect to lose the cuckold desire until you have become a cuckold.

[surry]

This is normal for us cuckolds. It has been years since I was inside my wife. I can be hard but when I try to fuck her I go soft. Unless she talks about her latest lover or a past lover, I can not stay hard.

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

Hi, Wannabe123.

I feel your “pain”.

My wife and I started fantasizing about cuckold sex around 1997. We were in our 20s. In 2007, she finally cucked me with her friend/coworker. They remained boyfriend/girlfriend for more than 16 years. During their first year together, I was left only to imagine how they must have looked when having sex. After that first year, they invited me into the bedroom to watch. Watching eventually led to me masturbating while watching, and they BOTH discovered that they liked fucking for a masturbating husband. (She absolutely LOVED being watched, and he loved showing me how to properly fuck my wife.)

Like you’re saying, though, there was literally nothing that would get me hard (let alone able to cum) other than imagining or watching my wife get laid.

At first, it was just her boyfriend. But when you’ve actually watched his cock penetrate her pussy from EVERY possible perspective over dozens of times, one can’t help but wonder what she might look like cumming on a different cock.

I started imagining how happy she’d look mounted on my good friend’s dick…on our neighbor’s dick…on my boss’s dick…on her boss’s dick…

She privately knew I wanted her to try another dick, but she never wanted to act on it since we felt lucky enough to have a friend/coworker who was progressively minded and cooperating quite well. (“If it isn’t broken, don’t try to fix it!”). So, she would fantasize with me from time to time. She knew I’d love to see her smiling in orgasm on all of these other dicks. On occasion, we’d wind ourselves up thinking about our good friend, our handsome neighbor, our stern bosses.

And then, to enhance the fantasy, we’d imagine that since all of these men have wives, their wives and I would watch on delightedly while our spouses fucked, us masturbating next to one another, mutually. (It’s a long-known fact that I’ve never wanted to fuck anyone but my lovely wife, but I sure wouldn’t mind masturbating with these men’s wives while we watch on.)

To this day, cuckold sex is the dominant scenario, by far. We’ve occasionally imagined swapping, but only to entertain my wife’s curiosity about what it might look like to see my dick buried in a good friend’s pussy while she took a good dick, herself.

Once you’re a cuck….even a wannabe-cuck….I don’t think it’s possible to “un-cuck” yourself.

Anyone know or think otherwise?

[4incheslong]

I can't get hard without it also and I would agree you can't un-cuck. I had a therapist tell me that "if you only fantasize about one thing, then it will eventually be the only thing." She was right. Bringing it up every time will get old to her real quick and she will resent it. Some women want sex to be a loving tender thing with someone they love and you talking about her being a slut will turn her off.

I would recommend not initiating sex with her and reduce masterbating so that you are really horny. Then talk to her about her body and what feels good when you touch her. Talk about the first time she did things as a teenager and first time she had sex. Anything sexy other than her cucking you. Then move it outside the bedroom and talk about who is a sexy celeb, watch shows like "Hung" together, and maybe talk about real people like who of your friends she thinks has big dick. Be her girlfriend with occasional benefits.

You have let her know she has a hall pass just try to let her know you are ok if and when she uses it.

[MartasBoy]

I am obsessed with becoming a cuck to the point that it all I think of day and night. My relationship with my wife is suffering since I feel she is selfish for not fucking other guys inspire of my freedom for her to do so. At this point I have lost all interest in her and am just staying with her because of the kids.

I think you might want to get some counseling and work on finding other things to enjoy in your marriage. I think you might live to really regret it, if you let your marriage go over a sexual fetish.
I have heard of guys who have done that. They have either ended up not finding anyone to meet there desires, or they end up with a relationship that is focused primarily on kink, and is not a healthy relationship in other ways.
There are alternative relationship oriented therapist who will counsel people about kink interests. Ask your wife to expand on the fantasy play. Ask if she will allow herself to be flirted with at an hotel cocktail lounge. Then go home and do role plays around the real men she meets.

I would strongly advise against giving up your marriage, with the loving mother of your children, just to satisfy some kink desire. When you are an old man, and your testosterone level drops off, and you lose most interest in sex, the Kink will no longer seem as important as things like a loving relationship with a lifelong partner and best friend, and a companion to grow old with.

There are a lot of lonely old divorced men, who wish they could go back and fix the mistakes they made that lost them their marriage, and left them alone.

[rogerbaulk]

I'm the same. I have ED. When I masturbate, I always imagine my wife fucking other men.

[MartasBoy]

I can only get hard if I imagine my wife is being fucked by another guy. I feel pathetic that I can’t get hard normally. I don’t know why I am wired that way........
...... Any advice on what I should do?

Some of us are just wired that way. I think mine comes from my college days when I had to work hard to get the dates I got. I ask every girl out I I could, just working on the benefit of sheer numbers, until some girl would accept a date with me. Consequently I experienced a lot of rejection for the few acceptances I got.

It got to where I would go up and ask girls out, where I was pretty certain I would get rejected. Then I would go home and imagine that, after I walked away from the girl and her friends, that they giggled, and laughed, and ridiculed me. I would go home and visualize those girls and masturbate, imagining them making fun of me.

I developed fantasies around being rejected and humiliated.

My wife is willing to play with cuckold fantasies with me. Now, if she doesn't feel like having sex, she no longer tells me she doesn't feel up to it, or she has a headache, or she's too tired. She tells me she's too sore from being with her boyfriend that day.

She will suggest that I can masturbate and smell her hair, and rub up against her a little bit. She has learned that the fantasy of her being with another man helps me get off quick. Well I am masturbating, she will talk about her time with the other guy, even if it's imaginary. While I'm masturbating she will say things like, "Wow, I forget how much smaller your penis is than his. It's so amazing that penises come in so many different sizes. His is really amazing. It's the largest of any guy I've ever been with. I never really cared for guys with a large penis like his, but I've gotten used to it to where I really like it now. I'm sorry I can't have you inside of me tonight. I'm just really sore from being with him today. If I was to be completely honest, he's really too large for me. It hurts a little, when he first puts it inside of me, but once we get going, it turns into an incredibly pleasurable kind of hurt that I find really exciting. He's the only man I've ever been with who fuck me so hard that I have trouble walking afterward. That's why I have called you those times, to tell you I won't be coming home. At those times he has fuck me so hard that I'm just completely wrecked and have trouble walking. I certainly don't feel like driving at times like that, so that's when I just spend the night. I hope you don't let this hurt your feelings any sweetie. It's just that sometimes I really like the kind of sex he can give me, where I feel really wrecked afterward. I want you to know that your penis is still very special to me. Your penis is my friendly penis that I like to have sometimes, when I don't feel like being wrecked by sex. Could you go ahead and finish sweetie. I'm getting tired. Go ahead and finish what you're doing and then we can snuggle as we drift off to sleep together. You see, that's the special thing that you give me, sweet and comfortable sexy time. And that's really sometimes more important than hot sex that makes me feel wrecked afterwards.

After I come, she will say, in a sort of almost baby talk tone of voice, "Aww, look who came. Did that feel good to shoot your wad? That's my studly guy. Now let's go to sleep."
It really turns me on.

[MartasBoy]

I can only get hard if I imagine my wife is being fucked by another guy. Any advice on what I should do?

Would your wife expand on the fantasy play and do some things to add to the excitement? There was a time when my wife said that she didn't think she was that hot and sexy anymore, that she had aged out of that stage of her life. I challenged her to go out with me to test it out and see. We got dressed up and went out on a date night to a nice cocktail lounge at a large hotel and conference center when they would have some large business convention there.

I would have her sit at the bar and I would sit at a nearby table to watch. She was surprised how many guys came up and asked to buy her a drink. She would chat with them for a bit but tell them that she was waiting for someone, who was coming to meet her there.

Then, I challenged her to imagine that she wanted to have sex with somebody new, and for her to identify a guy she would be willing to go up to a hotel room with, if she were really going to do that.

It took a while for her to identify a guy, because she found most of them unappealing. But finally there was a guy that she said she found attractive and who seemed nice. When we went home, I asked her to imagine what they would do together if she had gone up to a room with him.

I would masturbate while she would tell me what she imagined doing with the other guy. Finally, we gave one of the guys she liked, a name. When we got home we pretended that she had gone upstairs to a room with him, and that I now was being allowed to do reclamation sex to claim her back as my wife.

Over time, she saw how much this role-play turned me on, she expanded on it. While I would be having sex with her, she would say things like, "Are you inside me? I can't really tell. I'm so used to Andre's larger penis. Could you hurry up and finish sweetie? I'm pretty tired, and a little sore from being with Andre earlier.

As I would get ready to come, she would talk to me in a sort of patronizing voice, and say, "Oh yeah baby, there you go. Yes that's my big boy. Yes fuck me hard. That's my good boy. Yes, oh baby, you're so big! Now go ahead and come for me, so we can go to sleep."

As she saw how much this fantasy turned me on, she has expanded on her talk over time. Maybe you could provide a script like this for your wife, and she would be willing to do this for you.

[KevKevKev]

I can sympathize with you. I can't cum unless I'm imagining it or dirty talking it with my wife. I also don't watch regular porn. I watch cuck dirty talking porn because it's the only thing that works for me. It's getting to the point that I really hate having this kink. I don't like the obsession of it all and wish I could go back to normal.

[sconesy73]

It's getting to the point that I really hate having this kink. I don't like the obsession of it all and wish I could go back to normal.

That's actually true for most kinks I think. I like big women- slightly chubby or massively fat- doesn't matter to me, I just love the shape of bigger women. As far as I'm concerned, I have a healthy love of that kink. I've chatted to guys though who can only get aroused by a certain weight woman or a very specific shape- they've said pretty much exactly the same thing as you..

[Cdncuck]

I've had this kink since I was about 14

[Cdncuck]

I've had this kink since I was about 14. At that age I didn't know what it was, only that it was obvious I wasn't like other guys.

This isn't something from which you can walk away. I've been to therapy and tried to resist the feelings but it didn't work. Whether or not we're wired this way or it's something that develops in adolescence, it's definitely there to stay in some of us.

If you read the posts here and on other sites you will find posts exactly like yours. It's confusing and drives us crazy. While it's not a common kink you certainly aren't the only one who has it.

[4incheslong]

I don't know where it started but I do remember being in gym class as a 9th grader and seeing the seniors walk around with huge cocks. Not trying to cover it up with a towel. Some where football players dating cheerleaders and I would buy the calendar the cheerleaders printed and beat off to the thought of them getting plowed by her BF's huge cock.

It will make an impression when you see something that sways and you are desperately trying to hide the one and a half inch acorn.

[Johor]

I'm the same. I have ED. When I masturbate, I always imagine my wife fucking other men.

I am developing ED. I have decided not to get treatment because I am pussy free anyway.

[BCiym]

The ONLY times I can cum is when I think of Karen with one of her lovers.

[MartasBoy]

I've had this kink since I was about 14.

This isn't something from which you can walk away. I've been to therapy and tried to resist the feelings but it didn't work. Whether or not we're wired this way or it's something that develops in adolescence, it's definitely there to stay in some of us.

It is possible to change sexual fixations and intense fantasies, but it takes a lot of work and effort.
Few therapist know how to do the therapy. There are only a few therapists who work with intense sexual behavior problems who know how to do that type of therapy. It is called Arousal Reconditioning.

I have found that most of the therapists who are skilled in Arousal Reconditioning, and willing to do that kind of therapy, are men. There are a few female therapists, but many women find that kind of therapy unpleasant to conduct, because it involves deep examination of a person's sexual paraphilias and fixations.

It involves the person having to learn skills for very intense thought blocking regarding the undesirable fantasy. Then, the therapist must do an in-depth interview with the client, to find out a hierarchy of their sexual fantasies. The therapist assists the client in understanding which sexual fantasies can be considered healthy, in which ones are considered problematic.

One of the clients healthy fantasies, chosen from the top of the hierarchy list, is used as the primary fantasy for the client to focus on, to strengthen that fixation, and extinguish the undesirable one.

If your therapist was not trained in Arousal Reconditioning therapy, and did not conduct that kind of therapy with you, it would not be effective.

I feel very sad, thinking about the OP, giving up on a good marriage, to the mother of his children, thinking that he will seek out someone who will practice his fantasy with him.

I know a number of old men who are all alone, and feel very lonely, while they watch their ex-wife be in a happy marriage with the guy she married after he blew up his marriage. His kids will spend the holidays with her and their stepdad, and they'll do brief visits with their dad. They do brief visits because they find their dad's lonely life kind of sad.

And meanwhile, the dad is addicted to porn that centers on his preferred fantasy, and visits sex workers who will do role plays with him. But these guys rarely find a new relationship, because they become fixated on that fantasy, and it gets in the way of them forming loving relationships with someone else.

It's very easy for us guys to become slaves to our testosterone fueled fantasy life. It ruins a lot of relationships, and leaves a lot of guys lonely and alone.

Over the years, in my marriage, I have found ways to compartmentalize my sexual fixations, so that they don't get in the way of my marriage. I keep them in my head, reserve them for private masturbation. Find satisfaction through some online content. But still maintain ways to have loving and romantic interactions with my wife.

I have managed to keep my various sexual fixations from harming my marriage. My wife and I are coming close to 40 years together, and we fully intend to grow old together. She is still my best friend, and says that I am hers. I would never risk damaging that, because of some kinky obsessions I have.

[ferrisandrews]

I am obsessed with becoming a cuck to the point that it all I think of day and night. My relationship with my wife is suffering since I feel she is selfish for not fucking other guys inspire of my freedom for her to do so. At this point I have lost all interest in her and am just staying with her because of the kids.

Yeah ... I feel the frustration in your post because before we started playing I had a lot of the same thoughts / feelings. As painfully easy as it is to say (and write), remember to be patient, because "absolutely never" just means "not right now". A lot of her reservations probably stems from the fact that she fails to see any benefit to her and the relationship by trying this, so it's very easy (and a knee-jerk reaction) to say no ... never ... not in a million years. There is every reason in the book (especially for a woman but sometimes for the husband) to say no to this, from social, religious and political reasons. It's a huge risk and one that will require reversing decades of brainwashing and upbringing. Try to find some solace in the fact that never usually means not right now, even if she's uber stubborn.

She needs to begin to see and feel some of the benefits of this lifestyle before she partakes in any herself, and that means putting forth all of the effort in the beginning. Consider it an investment. I would suggest you do your own research and begin educating yourself on what you want, why you want it and ways you can better your own relationship while satisfying aspects of your kink without requiring her direct involvement. I'll send you a link in private message that may help with this.

Ironically as cucks, we're actually very selfish. We don't think of ourselves as being selfish and probably aren't selfish normally (and certainly don't like to admit that given how much freedom we are "giving" our wives). We describe ourselves as giving, getting off on aspects of this lifestyle that our wives enjoy (compersion), and from certain angles that narrative is 100% true. But never lose sight of what we're getting back from this lifestyle. We may gift our wives freedom, endless compliments and happiness and a slew of other benefits, but we're not philanthropists. This lifestyle affects us on an intense and meaningful level and to an extent (based on the individual), we really need it. If we're not careful, we sometimes assume by giving our wives these things that she is obligated to accept it and act on it. In moments of desperation, we can spin the conversation into a transactional one, expecting outcomes and twisting an otherwise productive collaboration into a manipulative argument. We begin the conversation in the middle, because that's where our feelings live. But without context and understanding, these feelings won't make any sense to her.

To be brutally honest, cheating is so much simpler. It doesn't require maturity, cooperation, communication or any kind of partnership, it just requires the participation of another person who only cares about their own needs and could probably care less about yours.

Our kink requires a spouse's (or significant other's) involvement. When they refuse to scratch our itch, it can drive us pretty insane. It's not their fault we feel this way, and it's also not necessarily our own. What we want and need are things that chose us, we didn't choose them. We don't will ourselves to love chicken livers if we don't already, we either do or we don't. We are told by our body what we crave and are rewarded when we give it what it likes.

So try not to be too hard on her and likewise, try not to be too hard on yourself. Introduction of this lifestyle is the hardest thing to overcome (with finding a compatible and reliable bull a close 2nd). Moving forward together will not be easy and it will take a ton of work and communication. Accept this as a long-term investment and not a short-term craving. Pace yourself and find ways of relieving some tension in the meantime. You're no good to anyone (including yourself) if you're about to explode.

Good luck!

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

Sounds like some Clockwork Orange kind of shit!

No need to go to extremes. Simply imagine your boss deep-fucking your wife as an agreement among the three of you while you look on and jerk off in order to finally get that significant raise. (You want the raise, but the only way it’s gonna happen is if she cucks you with your boss balls-deep in her!)

[Wannabe123]

Thank you folks for your thoughtful replies. It gave me very good perspective. To clarify, though I am not happy in my marriage, primarily because my wife does not want to indulge in cuckolding me, but at the same time I am not thinking about ending the marriage.

I desperately want to feel the cuckold angst, the jealousy and the humiliation of my wife being used and exploited by a bull. But I don’t think it will ever happen. So now I am just living a boring, normal, routine and dull life - going to work, coming back home, trying to take care of kids, acting happy, going on trips with my wife and kids, etc.

I can only fuck my wife in doggie style due to my ED. She has asked me to fuck her in different positions many times but I have always declined saying I cannot do it. So she has now adjusted to us fucking always in doggie style. Yet somehow she has never humiliated me or made fun of me. The only way I can stay hard in her pussy and cum is by dirty talking to her about fucking other guys. A part of me wishes she cheats on me in secret but she is not doing that either. I tried to withhold sex for a few weeks to see if she will be interested in looking elsewhere but she had not strayed. Ultimately I end up having sex with her because she asks for it.

A few years back she had gone on 3 dates with a guy on Tindr. Her first 2 dates were dinner dates. They kissed on the 2nd date as she was leaving to the car. She had a 3 date rule for fucking him. He had invited her to his home on their 3rd date. We knew he was going to fuck her at his house. I went with my wife to buy her a nice sexy dress to wear for him. She ended up staying overnight at his place and fucked him twice. She told me as soon as she entered his house, he jumped her and started kissing her and pulled her boobs out from her dress. He had prepared dinner for her and his condition for her was that she has to remain fully undressed in his house. He ended up peeling off all her clothes and she remained nude while drinking wine with him on his sofa and later while having dinner on his bar counter. After sometime she said she was feeling cold and asked for his T shirt. She kept his T shirt on post dinner, with no bra or thong underneath. They ultimately kept talking, getting to know each other, kissing, fondling and she somehow ended up in his bed. She said he licked her, kissed and sucked her boobs, made out with her for a good 1:30 hrs and she teased and blew him for 30 min and also licked his balls. Ultimately he started rubbing his cockhead on her pussy lips so she asked him to put on a condom which was our pre-agreed rule. At that point he said he is clean and snipped and also that he doesn’t like condoms. Mind you he had not mentioned this to her in previous conversations. At that point she was too turned on and thought that it will kill the mood if she forces him to wear condoms or asks him to produce his test results. So she just said ok and asked him not to cum inside her because she was not on the pill. He ended up fucking her in multiple positions and cumming 2 times on her. After they were both exhausted, they watched a movie on his bed and fooled around naked. The movie was boring to her but he was into it so she pretended to enjoy it to make him feel good. She said later that her biggest fear was that he may not like her so she let him do everything he wanted with her. After the movie they both fell asleep and she woke up around 3 am, at which point she left his house to come home before the kids woke up and noticed her missing.

She gave me the full story after she came back and I licked her pussy and reclaimed her. It was such a high. I was a bit upset at her afterwards because she had fucked him raw, because I was mainly concerned with potential STDs that she could have contracted from him or become pregnant with his child. So we went to ge try plan b pill from a pharmacy just to ensure she doesn’t end up getting pregnant. After a few days when I asked her if she will keep going on dates with him, she said the problem was that he had a small dick so she was not interested in seeing him again. She pretty much ghosted him and never looked for another guy again due to her disappointment with his dick size.