Me and my husband are an open relationship but my new boyfriend is vanilla

[Mrs_lowdown]

I’ve been married to my amazing husband for 15+ years and we’ve been in this amazing relationship full of love, trust, kink. We’ve enjoyed being an open relationship and cuckoldong for years. I’ve always had the freedom to go out and have sex with a hot guy and then come back home and have an amazing mad night with my husband. I had a few lovers-where if be more emotionally involved with a man. Me and my husband would occasionally meet a single guy-a bull so me and him could cuckold my husband,who loves it.
So we’ve enjoyed years of amazing freedom and our love got even deeper because of it.
We’ve often fantasised about me having a toy boy/boyfriend so….a few months ago I met this attractive guy on a night out. The way he smiled struck me and we flirted and kissed and I ended up fucking him in the car(drove by my friend) on the way home and kept him home for the night,while my husband was in the bedroom….
The sex and connection with this man was out of this world!!! I’ve been with many,many men but this was something ive never experienced.
We started seeing each other-there were times my husband had to be away for a night, so the new lover came over and we had amazing time. We talked a lot and connected on the soul level. He didn’t mind I was married, I explained to him the set up I have with my husband. And it felt like it’d all be perfect but…..
We fell in love with each other, there are serious talks about him staying in our city to be close to me(he’s from another country), and he’s planning the future with me being in it. He’d love to marry me and thinks I’m the perfect woman/but he’s aware I’m married and respects my husband.
But he can’t understand that I still want to keep my freedom and fun if I get a chance/go out. He’s jealous and can’t get the concept and even though he-himself was very sexually active in his 20s(and by very active I mean 600+ women) ,now he’s on the other side! He’s saying that sexual connection is also exchange of energy so it’s not just sex-which I keep telling him-but the idea that I am with another man and giving him attention is killing him.
I really fell in love with him, and I love being with him and around him and we have these crazy sex sessions so in fact I don’t need another man, but….I explained to him that’s and my husband granted each other this freedom and we’ve worked for it and it’s a part who I am-I don’t need it but I want to know I don’t have to stop myself.
We can have the best time together and then he’ll bring it up again and kills the vibe -I get frustrated and he gets angry or sad because I stick to my values and he wants me to see his point of view.
I turned out a regular guy since I started meeting this lover and I’m ok with that . But I’m soo to go away with my girlfriend and we usually get crazy and happy together so I know that might happen, but I don’t want to feel guilty if it does because of my hurt lover. He wants to talk about me going away for 10th time and I really don’t know how to handle him!!
He knows I haven’t been with anyone since I met him but he needs to know that me and my husband have our needs/life(which we also kind of put on hold and it’s not fair).

Maybe I’m a dreamer/the new lover has different values now and as much as he loves me,he doesn’t feel secure to allow me to be me(he says he wants me to be me but I know how his face gets sad when he talks about it).
And I don’t know if I should be strict and tell him that I won’t change but I don’t want to hurt him?
And she wants to know if I’m to meet someone-do I agree to that? And how much do I tell him because with my husband-the more I tell him,the hornier he gets. He loves me so much.
But my boyfriend gets hurt just imagining me with another man…..

Any knowledge and shared experiences would be really appreciated

[FNQLivin]

No knowledge or experience but it seems he met you as one person and now wants you to be another person. How long before he starts making other demands?

[amerus]

This sounds like a nightmare scenario for me as a husband. I want my wife to be free and happy but not tormented by a new lover who doesn't understand or respect it.

[Novice2025]

Respect boundaries...If that's not happening, it's not happening.

[GenerallySpeaking]

You and your husband are together long-term because you are compatible. But it's a sad incompatibility with your partner. There's a lesson for poly folks: Falling in love with monogamous people usually ends very sadly. Stay in your lane and date others in the lifestyle.

Mrs Lowdown, I think you've taken this as far as it will go. This bandaid needs to be ripped off and let sunlight heal the wound. Best of luck!

[troilusand]

Remind him HOW HE MET YOU! You're a slut and happy to be one!

Remind him that he has accepted your husband (whom you love) and ask how he can reconcile that...but can't accept you getting your cunt filled when you're attracted to some man? And it's just for sex!

So tell him how much you love him and want spend the rest of your life with him, but on your terms...and that means poly with your husband; and fucking whoever and whenever the Hell you please!

I know, it sounds rough to say to somebody you're madly in love with, but...you is who you is, and he can try to see if he can handle it. And if he can't, he can leave the relationship later. This kind of shit happens all the time in "vanilla" life, too! People accept who you are right away, or they adapt...or maybe you'll change? Who knows?

P.M. me if you'd like.

Troilus

[hwc]

Read the post. Kinda feel sorry for the guy, to be honest. Your hubby LOVES you seeing other men - but most men are not like that. This boyfriend obviously understands and accepts that you are married,he entered into a relationship with you as a married woman, afterall. I don't find it odd or cotradictory that he doesn't like to see you pursing other suitors though, that amkes him feel insecure in the relationship, jealous and miserable.
your husband isn't going to replace him in the relationship you have but ANOTHER man potentially could.

This is in no way a criticism. I fully understand the dynamics of your relationship. I can't help feeling however, that because your boyfriend is NOT the same as your husband, you having trysts outside of your three way relationship is going to drive a wedge between him and you. He is going to feel jealous, regret he entered the relationship and bitterness.

The solution, should you care to keep him, is that while the relationship lasts, is to be faithful to him (alongside hubby). If continuing relationships outside of this three-way is more important to you, you may have to let him go, which i personally feel is the inevitible trajectory the current situation is on. I may of course be completely wrong - and I would be happy to hear you worked things out and kept everyone happy without having to compromise, but knowing human nature, I would be very suprised.

[hwc]

Read the post. Kinda feel sorry for the guy, to be honest. Your hubby LOVES you seeing other men - but most men are not like that. This boyfriend obviously understands and accepts that you are married,he entered into a relationship with you as a married woman, afterall. I don't find it odd or contradictory that he doesn't like to see you pursuing other suitors though, that makes him feel insecure in the relationship, jealous and miserable.
your husband isn't going to replace him in the relationship you have - but ANOTHER man potentially could.

This is in no way a criticism, by the way. I fully understand the dynamics of your relationship. I can't help feeling however, that because your boyfriend is NOT the same as your husband, you having trysts outside of your three way relationship is going to drive a wedge between him and you. He is going to feel jealous, regret he entered the relationship and bitterness.

The solution, (should you care to keep him), is that while the relationship lasts, to be faithful to him (alongside hubby). If continuing relationships outside of this three-way is more important to you, you may have to let him go, which i personally feel is the inevitible trajectory the current situation is on. I may of course be completely wrong - and I would be happy to hear you worked things out and kept everyone happy without having to compromise, but knowing human nature, I would be very suprised.

[IPV6]

He’d love to marry me and thinks I’m the perfect woman/but he’s aware I’m married and respects my husband.


Any knowledge and shared experiences would be really appreciated

I find it interesting that we can want something so bad we turn a blind eye to how much more fantasy than reality it is. If the guy respected your husband he would not be trying to replace him. I get that on the site there are a lot of people who's kink it is to have a "bull" replace the hub, but in this case it doesn't seem like anyone but the bull is into it. It seems that this guy fell in love and wants rid you of your husband and any other guy so he can have a life with you. No respect there. None.

You may want to think about whether his desires are compatible with yours into the future. I mean he dropped in on a married woman, loved it and now want to change it all to his benefit only.

Food for thought

[Kate88]

It's a really tricky balance. Keeping relationship with the husband is obviously top priority. At the same time, having that connection and relationship with a boyfriend is what makes the time and sex with him great. Maybe your boyfriend accepts it over time, because you're still early in your relationship?

[D+D]

Most men are not cuckolds or men who don’t mind sharing their wives. Unless you love him enough to divorce your husband, become a one man woman and marry him, move on now. I know a lot of people on here, especially women do not agree with a woman seeing a married man but this is exactly why my wife mostly has affairs with married men now. They do not want to marry her. What has happened to you happened to her. It was a very stressful time for all of us all.

[zorro]

This situation has happened to us in the past. Red flags are flapping all over the place. Are you really willing to give yourself up and your polyamorous nature to please a guy who wants to control you rather than respect you for yourself? As other posters have said, "You are a slut" and your new heartthrob doesn't want you to be a slut. If you don't respect your own sexual nature, you will lose self-love and self-respect. You will also have to go without the freedom you have enjoyed and grown with. Plus you would have to manage the potential betrayal of whatever commitments you have made to your husband. Do you want to be a person who keeps their promises or not?
From all you have said, your husband, your lover, and you all stand to be hurt if you yield to your lover's clinging, possessive demands.

You have found a good way to live. Why throw that away?

Zorro