Cheating polyamorous Asian wife

[maskedcrusader]

We've been married for > 15 years and have one kid. Recently, I discovered that she has been going on overseas vacations with other men under the pretence of "work trips".

Not sure if she's serious about any of them or whether it's for physical pleasure. Many of them are her clients/vendors/coworkers.

I don't have a major issue with her being with other men, so long as she's not serious about any of them and performs her duties as a wife/mum.

What irks me though is that she knows I'm ok with her being a hotwife but chooses to play on her own without telling me. She meets many men and travels frequently due to her job. Plus, she still looks good for her age so men hit on her all the time.

I've tried talking to her about it but she consistently denies playing with other men and still refuses to play together.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum maskedcrusader. You just need to convince her you are OK with it and see if she will take some pics and get you involved. You have already won the game just don't blow it.

[maskedcrusader]

Welcome to the forum maskedcrusader. You just need to convince her you are OK with it and see if she will take some pics and get you involved. You have already won the game just don't blow it.

Thanks for the welcome.

I don't think she needs convincing that I'm ok with it. But the Asian upbringing in her makes her feel that it's wrong to admit to your husband that you are playing with other men.

The closest I have come to being in on it was setting her up with someone. He pounded her hard but ended up unloading in her and ghosted me after - thankfully, she didn't catch anything from him or get pregnant with his seed.

[kaskap79]

Maybe you shall do more roleplaying when you are in bed together.

Maybe ask her after you cum, if it wouldn't be good if another man could take over and continue fucking her until she cries for mercy.

Also talk with her outside the bed about how thrilling it would be thinking about her sitting here next to you and you both know she just had sex with another man a couple of hours ago.

It can also be when you are driving together telling how hot it would be if you were driving her to her lover instead of the supermarket.

There are a lots of ways to make small hints. Just don't do to often.

[maskedcrusader]

Maybe you shall do more roleplaying when you are in bed together.

Maybe ask her after you cum, if it wouldn't be good if another man could take over and continue fucking her until she cries for mercy.

Also talk with her outside the bed about how thrilling it would be thinking about her sitting here next to you and you both know she just had sex with another man a couple of hours ago.

It can also be when you are driving together telling how hot it would be if you were driving her to her lover instead of the supermarket.

There are a lots of ways to make small hints. Just don't do to often.

Thanks for the well-meaning advice.

My only hope now is for her to come around by herself. Unless I tell her that I know and demand to be included.

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

hmmm.......i'm not getting a great vibe from this. I told an ex-sugarbabe that I would like to marry her, and take of her; and I'm completely okay with her having a boyfriend, or even more than one, as long as she is completely upfront with me about everything. [coincidentally, she is a Filipina. INCREDIBLY hot and can make [almost] you come by just looking at you]

The foundation of any relationship is honesty and integrity at all times. If that is not going on in your relationship....i would be very concerned.

[zorro]

I share the lawyer's concerns. What you describe doesn't sound like polyamory. It sounds like off-the-books cheating -- if your suspicions are accurate.

I suggest checking out your apprehensions with her, letting her know you're okay with her having other men but don't wish to be left in the dark.
Maybe she isn't cheating. In which case, further negotiating the terms of your open relationship would be a useful idea.

[maskedcrusader]

You're right, it's not polyamorous when it's behind your partner's back - sorry I wasn't clear.

Obviously, it'd be better if both parties consent to an open relationship with others. Unfortunately, that is not the case here as I have already spoken to her about this previously.

I have just discovered evidence of her cheating - messages between her and her partners and close friends of her having sex with other men.

[zorro]

I'm sorry to hear that. But there definitely are some HWs who cheat despite having a green light to pair up openly. Maybe a rush for some to do something against the rules.

[maskedcrusader]

I'm sorry to hear that. But there definitely are some HWs who cheat despite having a green light to pair up openly. Maybe a rush for some to do something against the rules.

She probably feels more at ease doing it behind my back and hoping that I don't find out than to be open about it. Except that I found out.

Even if the evidence isn't admissible as it wasn't obtained legally and have no bearing on any divorce settlement, she'd have to live with the guilt of knowing she was the one who cheated.

[zorro]

My experience is that having sex with other people than a spouse doesn't tend to harm relationships; in fact, it may strengthen them through increased honesty and intimacy. Deceit, lying, concealing, and misleading a spouse can murder an otherwise good relationship.
So, even if there is no legal consequence (especially if you live in a no-fault state), her cheating is hurting you and your marital relationship as well as generating whatever guilt she may have about it.

Our culture is thematically monogamous, so cheating is likely to happen, giving the biological nature of human sexuality. Cheating is often a frequent concern in vanilla relationships, because sexual exclusivity is not easy and takes a lot of energy to maintain. It is, one might say, built into monogamous life.