Honestly, I want her to do it for me

[false-abroad]

I was reading an erotic story. The wife in the story asked why he wants this, the husband said an often retold explantation: "for yourself, you deserve the best". I am sure there are many husbands where it is true. Their wives have needs they can't fully satisfy. I will put aside men that really do try to do more in the area - it is beside my point. I suspect that this excuse is used too often.

I know that I am a voyeur, I like to look, I like to see. I watch and read too much porn I am sure, though I have higher libido than my wife. Like most men I am average in terms of dick size and, when I do not kid myself, also average in my lovemaking. My wife for many years now cums about the same amount of times as me during our sexy times. We do it around once a week and most of the time it is hot. Still, it is one and done. If she cums she loses interest and mostly waits until I get my rocks off, if I cum I get her off manually. Repeats for all of our marriage I could count on a single hand, We will often acknowledge that we should do it more often and then once a week it is. I guess it is not bad, it is just average. For some years now I don't try to wow her with some elaborate foreplay, because it makes her nervous, like she need to better to match me. What she likes best is a hard dick, what I like to get hard is to get her hot and that broken circle is the main issue.

Each week interval: we have sex, I am more touchy-feely towards her for around 3/4 days, then seeing her not receptive I back off (often jerking off secretly), then she starts to be more suggestive and finally the cycle repeats.

It must be bonkers to want her to fuck other guys when we do not engage with each other that much. I think that I would hope for another guy to magically boost her libido and reap the spoils. It would be hot, like my own personal and fully guilt-free porn. I am now quite sure it will never happen as the less religious I become the more religious she gets. I know there are societal pressures and lifelong conditioning. But I know there is not much interest for her either. I am quite long in a wanna-be game, I read almost everything there is, but I know my wife. This is beside the point. To reiterate: I want her to do it for my own selfish reasons, but I want her to like it. There is something more to it though, because I would like to make some sexy (not necessarily pornographic) anonymised photographs of her, but I would like to have her consent to share them. I would like for other men tell me how hot she looks. That is even more selfish on my part. I know that she could find it all exciting or it would be helpful for her self-image, but it isn't my main motivation.

I would like her to go braless as much as possible, go topless on beaches or go with her to a nude beach. I often say to her "let them look, there will be no less of you if someone sees". I mention how it is natural and people are too much hung up around nudity. It is all true, but I just want other men to see her. She is more careless when she changes her clothes now, but it is purely functional. For example we go to a swimming pool, she is busy and to be faster she will change right in a family dressing room beside lockers. She really doesn't like it, just recognises it is not such a big deal. I like it, but her not liking it is a little downer for me.

I hate seeing in the Internet galleries of an unaware wife with a title like: "my wife is such a slut". Sometimes there are photos of other people with the face of the woman not visible or badly photoshopped in among those to show how naughty she is. The AI craze already makes it worse - Oh, the humanity! Those have to be done by guys like me that dived to deep into the rabbit hole. Sometimes I see galleries with a woman that engages in an extra marital twisters while looking overly shy or just like she doesn't really want to be there. A few of those must be just camera shy or bad photos, but they don't seem to enjoy it. Comments under those galleries suggest it doesn't bother many, however it does bother me. I am of the opinion that amateur porn shared by consenting adults having fun for the fun of sharing is healthy and I would prefer for this to be the only porn available. It would be healthier for the society.

I read a book lately: No more Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I see myself as around 75% nice guy as defined by the book. What I want to do is to cut down all the wife sharing fantasies, do only "healthy masturbation" as defined by the book (jerk off if you need, but don't fantasise, don't look at porn, just focus on your own sensations and pleasure).

I wrote this to help me clear my mind, even if this text is all over the place and I'm curious if this resonates with anyone.