Why wives choose long-term lovers.

[Michael0001]

It's been said that any man who claims he understands women is either delusional or a liar.

That's more or less preface for recounting the sources of my confusion in my wife's choice of long-term lovers.

She has had two, both with whom she has maintained relations for years, but they could not be much more different. Physically speaking the first is what I'd call average height, maybe 5'10", handsome (and knows it), keeps himself in shape, and possesses an average sized endowment. The second is taller, perhaps 6'1"-2", kind of heavy set, and larger in the manhood department--though we're not talking kielbasa here.

The first guy is very outgoing, personable, but according to my wife, a very selfish lover, who is entirely concerned with his own satisfaction. The second is rather retiring, but quite intelligent, has great stamina, and uses it consistently to make sure my wife is satisfied whenever they are together.

I'm happy she has enjoyed each of these men, and I don't want to question her on her selection process, but I just don't see the consistency. If it was variety she wanted, I would have thought she'd have sought out additional lovers, not just concentrated her attentions on these two very different men (well, three if you count me).

[annsman]

I am surprised you are expecting consistency, I find many different women attractive and see no reason to expect differently from my wife.

She does surprise me sometimes, but if I ask what the attraction is she says there’s just something about him.

[Michael0001]

You have a good point.

One of the reasons I focused my post on long-term lovers though, was that the "je ne sais quoi" appeal you suggest would seem to me might be attractive on the short term, but as she got to know the fellows, it might fall a little flat.

I get that she is drawn to the second fellow. He consistently fucks her brains out and always makes sure she has a good time. It's her attraction to the first I don't quite understand. Sure, he's eye-candy, and that might get him in the door for a few romps in the hay. But why did she keep coming back for more for years on end when she admits he was just using her? Just one example: he would routinely call her at work and arrange to pick her up at lunch time just to get a blow job. I always found it hot that she'd do it, of course, but I wondered what she was getting out of it.

[Caribwaters]

My wife has enjoyed 6 lovers over our long marriage.

Two were really long term. The 1st one she knew from high school but was never really involved with him. Met up with once when he was home from college and she had just graduated from high school. They fooled around at the beach that night, never to be seen again. She never forgot him and reconnected with him thru her work when he was hired as a sub contractor15 years later. On his 1st day they talked and then went to lunch where she fucked him in his van before they returned to the office. When she told me that night about her adventure said it was without doubt the best sex she ever had. She was "surprised" by his size and could not believe his endurance. It was her first experience enjoying multiple organisms thru intercourse. Their relation endured on/off for 25 years. He was divorced when they met, but stopped seeing each other number of years later when he remarried and then reconnected after he divorced his 2nd wife. My wife could never get enough of the feeling of him being inside of her.

Her 2nd long term lover was her married boss and they engaged in a sexual affair after she had worked for him a number of years. She he found him "attractive" but he wouldn't get involved due to her working for him and he didn't want he potential complications. Returning from one of his famous office Christmas parties in his car, he made a surprising "move" and they fucked that night in an empty parking lot. That began an intimate relationship that spanned over 15 years. They had sex weekly in their office after hours, in his car and motels. He loved receiving blow jobs, often rather than intercourse from my wife.. Ironically after we were married for a year she would no longer perform oral to completion on me, yet was unhesitant to satisfy him by sucking him off.

She maintained these duel affairs without either man knowing the other was having regular sex with her. Because of travel distance she connected with her boss on more occasions that her 1st "friend". Each lover would ask her a number of times if she was involved with the other guy. Always assured them she wasn't. Never met the 1st guy during all of those years, yet we talked on the phone, at his invitation a number of times. I was very close with her boss and knew him before she ever started working for him. Remained quite friendly, going out for guys nights before and throughout their special relationship. He never knew that "I knew".

The reason she maintained these ongoing relationships at the same time, in my opinion, was simple, fairly uncomplicated and felt comfortable with both men. She received "great" sexual satisfaction from them and always made sure they were happy when she left. Both were always respectful. He boss was generous to her with bonus prior to them becoming involved, but he was significantly more generous after and I know she did not want to give that up. Think she also got an ego charge by being involved with 2 guys at the same time, who knew each other, though quite suspicious they never found out her big secret. Both ended on a good note, without any drama. Why, ruin a good thing by inviting another man into the equation.

[BT2]

My have had two long term lovers. By long term I mean close to two decades. She came to prefer these two men as long term lovers because she believed it was safer health wise than having sex with different men several times per year. She has never liked nor required condoms.

[54321]

One lover "consistently fucks her brains out and always makes sure she has a good time" and the other is a beautiful, selfish stud who simply takes what he wants from her. There you have it. You will find both scenarios in any steamy, women's novel. It would seem your wife has chosen well.

54321

[NotNewbs]

One lover "consistently fucks her brains out and always makes sure she has a good time" and the other is a beautiful, selfish stud who simply takes what he wants from her. There you have it. You will find both scenarios in any steamy, women's novel. It would seem your wife has chosen well.

54321

This!

What a lot of men don’t know, is that many women have a very primal arousal response to the sense of being taken and used. Coupled with submissiveness and getting satisfaction from pleasing a man (which many women also have in their erotic makeup), this dynamic with a guy can create a very intense experience for her. Many husbands don’t like the idea of their precious wife being used, because it seems disrespectful, but for her it could be something she craves.

So one guy is fucking her brains out, the other is triggering her primal animalistic response to getting used by a hot guy for his own selfish gratification. She’s having a great time with both!

[Michael0001]

Notnewbs, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I fully understand why my wife enjoys being fucked by the lover who raises fucking to an art form. It was her attraction to the fellow who just uses her that has had me a little baffled. I've always gotten off on the one-sided nature of their relationship--she gives and he takes--but I remained at a loss as to why she does.

Your observations pretty nicely encapsulate the psychology of it. Thanks.

[wifelver]

I get that she is drawn to the second fellow. He consistently fucks her brains out and always makes sure she has a good time. It's her attraction to the first I don't quite understand. Sure, he's eye-candy, and that might get him in the door for a few romps in the hay. But why did she keep coming back for more for years on end when she admits he was just using her? Just one example: he would routinely call her at work and arrange to pick her up at lunch time just to get a blow job. I always found it hot that she'd do it, of course, but I wondered what she was getting out of it.

Could it be that she enjoys turning him on, despite his selfish desires? Perhaps she feels his cravings for her and that excites her. Could it be that she enjoys the idea of being used?

Have you asked her, at least out of curiosity and in a non-judgmental way, what it is about her time spent with him that excites her?

[NotNewbs]

Notnewbs, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I fully understand why my wife enjoys being fucked by the lover who raises fucking to an art form. It was her attraction to the fellow who just uses her that has had me a little baffled. I've always gotten off on the one-sided nature of their relationship--she gives and he takes--but I remained at a loss as to why she does.

Your observations pretty nicely encapsulate the psychology of it. Thanks.

I was in a relationship with a woman whose number 1 sexual motivation was pleasing men. She was her most turned on and satisfied when another guy and I would take her, use her, and shoot multiple loads of cum in her. She wouldn’t even orgasm during these 3somes, and she didn’t care, she just wanted to pleasure us and be rewarded with our cum. Having 2 hard dicks in her, feeling our raw masculine lust for her, hearing us moan and praising her, calling her our hot little slut, and making us cum - that was the best sex she could have. I would give her orgasms later, which she would enjoy, but she was her happiest when we would cum in her.

So I’m pretty familiar with this female primal urge, and I’ve had plenty of other women for whom this was at least a part of their sex drive, if not a big part of it, and I’ve been a Dom to sub women who truly needed this dynamic to get off.

Wives don’t often show this side to their husbands, unless you have a D/s dynamic in the relationship. Otherwise it often doesn’t work because a husband respects his wife, and it’s hard to switch that off just for sexual purposes. But she can get it from other lovers, and it’s a part of what makes her sex with others extra hot for her, and satisfying in a way that she can’t express with her husband.

[wifelver]

Notnewbs, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I fully understand why my wife enjoys being fucked by the lover who raises fucking to an art form. It was her attraction to the fellow who just uses her that has had me a little baffled. I've always gotten off on the one-sided nature of their relationship--she gives and he takes--but I remained at a loss as to why she does.

Your observations pretty nicely encapsulate the psychology of it. Thanks.

I was in a relationship with a woman whose number 1 sexual motivation was pleasing men. She was her most turned on and satisfied when another guy and I would take her, use her, and shoot multiple loads of cum in her. She wouldn’t even orgasm during these 3somes, and she didn’t care, she just wanted to pleasure us and be rewarded with our cum. Having 2 hard dicks in her, feeling our raw masculine lust for her, hearing us moan and praising her, calling her our hot little slut, and making us cum - that was the best sex she could have. I would give her orgasms later, which she would enjoy, but she was her happiest when we would cum in her.

So I’m pretty familiar with this female primal urge, and I’ve had plenty of other women for whom this was at least a part of their sex drive, if not a big part of it, and I’ve been a Dom to sub women who truly needed this dynamic to get off.

Wives don’t often show this side to their husbands, unless you have a D/s dynamic in the relationship. Otherwise it often doesn’t work because a husband respects his wife, and it’s hard to switch that off just for sexual purposes. But she can get it from other lovers, and it’s a part of what makes her sex with others extra hot for her, and satisfying in a way that she can’t express with her husband.

I totally agree, at least as far as the Dom/sub dynamic is concerned. It is what I suspected when I wrote my own reply.

Pleasing another is her ultimate turn on. She doesn’t need to feel sexually pleased if she gets off on pleasing another, especially someone who craves her so much that he demands it of her. And she is eager, if not begging, to accommodate his every demand.

It describes my wife perfectly.

[Michael0001]

NotNewbs, the more you elaborate on this, the clearer it becomes to me. On the one hand, my wife actually complains how selfish the one lover is, but she always goes back for more. He has a penchant for having her give him blowjobs, and never misses an opportunity to cum in her mouth. Well, I should say, almost never, as he also likes to pull out at the last second to cum on her face, and she literally eats up the humiliation. Sometimes he'll reach over her back while she's blowing him, spank her ass, and tell her what a good little cocksucker she is.

This contrasts starkly with our intimate relations, which are typically the soft music, candle-lit romantic sort of affairs. Though I am pretty certain it would not go over well coming from me, she seems fixated on being used and, to some extent humiliated by him.

[NotNewbs]

NotNewbs, the more you elaborate on this, the clearer it becomes to me. On the one hand, my wife actually complains how selfish the one lover is, but she always goes back for more. He has a penchant for having her give him blowjobs, and never misses an opportunity to cum in her mouth. Well, I should say, almost never, as he also likes to pull out at the last second to cum on her face, and she literally eats up the humiliation. Sometimes he'll reach over her back while she's blowing him, spank her ass, and tell her what a good little cocksucker she is.

This contrasts starkly with our intimate relations, which are typically the soft music, candle-lit romantic sort of affairs. Though I am pretty certain it would not go over well coming from me, she seems fixated on being used and, to some extent humiliated by him.

Glad my comments are helpful!

There’s another possible aspect here that is true in many wife sharing relationships. We often hear how wives do sex acts with their lovers that they don’t do with their husbands. She doesn’t care as much about him as she does about you, and therefore she doesn’t care how he sees her, but she really cares how you see her.

It’s not uncommon for wives, when they are with their lovers, to feel more free to embrace their slutty side. They aren’t risking much there, no real consequences if their lover has a lower opinion of her. But in her mind there is a lot more at risk with you, the man she’s chosen as her long term mate, if something she does causes you to have a lower opinion of her.

That’s typically self constructed risk in her mind, baggage there from societal expectation of female sexuality. Baggage that a lot of women internalize within their committed relationships, and that baggage is tough to cast off, even with a husband encouraging her to embrace sexual empowerment.

[NotNewbs]

NotNewbs, the more you elaborate on this, the clearer it becomes to me. On the one hand, my wife actually complains how selfish the one lover is, but she always goes back for more. He has a penchant for having her give him blowjobs, and never misses an opportunity to cum in her mouth. Well, I should say, almost never, as he also likes to pull out at the last second to cum on her face, and she literally eats up the humiliation. Sometimes he'll reach over her back while she's blowing him, spank her ass, and tell her what a good little cocksucker she is.

This contrasts starkly with our intimate relations, which are typically the soft music, candle-lit romantic sort of affairs. Though I am pretty certain it would not go over well coming from me, she seems fixated on being used and, to some extent humiliated by him.

By the way, I too have been surprised by some of my wife’s choices. Sometimes she picks guys that I think are not in her league, and I’m not sure what she sees in them. Sometimes it almost bothers me when a guy I perceive as not being worthy of her, gets to fuck her, lol, but that’s her choice!

Our wives are perplexing, fascinating, wondrous creatures, aren’t they? I’m constantly captivated by my wife’s expression and enjoyment of her sexuality. It’s part of why I love sharing her with others, because by doing so I get this window into a more complete picture of her sexuality and her erotic mind, that I otherwise wouldn’t get if she was just limited to me. And women have about 100 times greater sexual capacity than we men, greater capacity to both give and receive pleasure, their sexuality is so much more expansive. It’s just fascinating to explore it with the woman we love.

[MarknSusan]

Susan wants a LTR because she needs chemistry with the guy, trust, safety and wants him to also be a friend outside the bedroom.

Her desire is that the three of us can hang around with in non sexual situations and then she gets to play when the mood is right. She also enjoys having people notice that she’s with two guys. In fact she calls us her “bookends”... LOL.

[bewareoflizzy]

Liz always needed an emotional attachment to her lovers ("boyfriends") for it to work for her. Everything clicked with the younger Jim, as he was single and unattached. so he was enthralled to be fucking this very sexy, married, mother of two. He was a very talented, hung stud, basically. Liz didn't need to go looking anywhere else to have her brains fucked intensely. The slightly older Michael was a more mature relationship that, again, gave Lizzy the pleasure she was seeking.

[wifelver]

Susan wants a LTR because she needs chemistry with the guy, trust, safety and wants him to also be a friend outside the bedroom.

Her desire is that the three of us can hang around with in non sexual situations and then she gets to play when the mood is right. She also enjoys having people notice that she’s with two guys. In fact she calls us her “bookends”... LOL.

Susan sounds like a hotwife who has it all together. You’re a lucky man and she’s lucky to have you as her understanding husband.

[MarknSusan]

Thank you for the kind words wifelver. We are both a very lucky couple for sure.

[MillStMan]

My wife had a very long-term lover. Long before she was a hotwife, she was finishing HS, we were engaged as she was pregnant and I had joined the service so our medical was taken care of. While I was gone her bestie who did not like me one bit convinced her that she should explore.
That is when started doing some serious flirting with Mark, a classmate of hers.
they started having sex, then after we married, she managed to see him when she could.
after I retired from the service we moved back home to care for our parents and that is when their relationships got going
It lasted for 46 years as he has passed

[Michael0001]

LOL! MillStMan, you brought a smile to my face. Though my wife has had two long-term lovers during our marriage, one for about 15 years and the other now 31 years and counting, you made me feel like we're short-timers in the lifestyle. You must have some great stories.

[Tryagain]

Because it is such a pain in the ass to vet new guys and to get comfortable fucking another "strange" man.

[MarknSusan]

Because it is such a pain in the ass to vet new guys and to get comfortable fucking another "strange" man.

Very true!

[wifelver]

Because it is such a pain in the ass to vet new guys and to get comfortable fucking another "strange" man.

You nailed it !