Husband worried he won’t be #1

[MrsSenorFrog]

My husband and I are very new to this. We’ve been to clubs to watch a few times but never participated. The sex was amazing afterwards!

We had our first (and second) experience this past weekend with his son’s best friend (20 years my junior). My husband (J) initiated the entire interaction and basically brokered the deal. J sat on the couch (at his choosing) in the living room while me and P were in the bedroom doing our thing. J is in no way the true definition of a cuck and wants to be involved eventually. He wanted my first experience to be safe for me and one-on-one with someone we trusted and were comfortable with. J says he wants me to continuing seeing P on my own and has even contacted him directly about seeing me again, which we are in a few days while J is out of town.

J’s concern now is that I’m going to put him second fiddle to P, or anyone else. I’ve reassured him that he is, and will always be, my number 1. In my heart, mind, body and soul. He is my home and my safe place.

How do I continue to communicate that with him when this is so new and just starting and he’s already having these feelings? I’ve told him we can take P out of it and find others that we are not close to and don’t see on a (very) regular basis. He says he likes the thought of P and I having a relationship and continuing this on and him being my BF.

I’m just so confused by his feelings of confusion. Can anyone relate or provide advice?

[MartasBoy]

You are doing all that you can do. He is experiencing the conflicted feelings and mixed emotions of this lifestyle. It is common. It is why so many men on here caution with the phrase. "Be Careful What You Wish For."
We wish and wish for it, some of us for years, then when we get that thing we always wished for, we experience the reality of the jealousy and the fear. But, he told you he wants you to continue with P. That suggests to me, that he is struggling with the conflicted feelings, but he wants to continue.

My wife always tells me that I am the only man she could ever imagine being married to. She tells me all of the little things I do, and the big things that I do, that means so much to her, and make her feel safe and secure. She says the others are just icing on the cake that she has with me.

[MrsSenorFrog]

You are doing all that you can do. He is experiencing the conflicted feelings and mixed emotions of this lifestyle. It is common. It is why so many men on here caution with the phrase. "Be Careful What You Wish For."
We wish and wish for it, some of us for years, then when we get that thing we always wished for, we experience the reality of the jealousy and the fear. But, he told you he wants you to continue with P. That suggests to me, that he is struggling with the conflicted feelings, but he wants to continue.

My wife always tells me that I am the only man she could ever imagine being married to. She tells me all of the little things I do, and the big things that I do, that means so much to her, and make her feel safe and secure. She says the others are just icing on the cake that she has with me.

Thank you for this

[coastalkid]

I can understand why he wants you to continue with P. Probably the age difference is the biggest reason, less likely that an attachment will occur. Younger guys move on eventually. Your husband just has to deal with the fact that this kid may fuck you better than he ever could. When guys do that "I just want her to be happy!" thing they have to know that you are happier with a better lover and it's not them. That thought may have been too much.

I'm sure he does want to continue also. He's been brave enough to raise his concern. I'm sure he doesn't want to ruin his chances of having an exciting sex life WITH you by complaining. He's shown that he's confused and it's important that you see that. Things would be way worse if you recognized it and didn't care or do anything.

It's just that he has to be receptive to solutions to his fears or anxieties. Now that he's expressed them, what kind of things would he be comfortable with? What kind of things can he acknowledge that you do to make him #1. Just to see for yourself, turn this whole thing around and go out of your way to figuring out what he wants and how to give it to him. I'm just suggesting as a test. Does doing that make him have no doubts? Either way he should be receptive to solutions.

[coastalkid]

By the way I think it a big deal that you reached out for thoughts/opinions. Credit yourself for caring. You could ignore what J is saying. You could assume the things he wants but doesn't say. You don't want this to end up being a disappointment for J either, that's not your intention. It's more fun if you're both having fun. That's the optimum plan right? Ultimately that why you're doing it in the first place, because it's fun. Knowing how to keep it fun is probably the tricky part. If you believe his fear is unfounded then you'll be able to open his eyes, you'll find a way.

[MatureCouple]

Why would J think that he wouldn't be your #1? Did you give him some reason to think that? Did P give you a very good experience? Better than J?

I can only assume that J wanted to find a lover that would rock your world... give you a great experience in bed. And maybe he was successful in that P did rock your world. Now he may wish P wasn't *that* good.

But it sounds like you could walk away from P, but would want to find someone else, someone that you're not close to or would see often (in a social sense).

It's interesting that J wants P to be your BF, not just a sex partner. You need to talk to J about how involved he wants you to be with P.

Apparently P must've shown some interest in you prior to J making this deal with him. Did you have some flirtatious interactions with him? I'm wondering what made J think he could approach P and offer sex with you to him? It sounds like you're both comfortable with him, and trust him.

Were you very vocal about your pleasure during the sex with P? Maybe your enthusiasm with P hit a nerve with J. So maybe it's best you see P on your own, without J. J will know about it, and listen you recounting it, but will be spared the anxiety of hearing *how* much you are enjoying P.

[MatureCouple]

I'm sorry, but it just registered with me that you posted under the Poly section, not Cuckold or HotWife. Is it your intention to find a "poly" partner? Could you please explain the deal the J brokered with P? Was it proposed as a long-term BF or 2nd husband? I typically associate emotional and romantic bonding with a poly relationship.

What do you want out of this relationship with P? What were your expectations before your first encounter with P, and did anything change afterward?

[Jaylatino83]

My husband and I are very new to this. We’ve been to clubs to watch a few times but never participated. The sex was amazing afterwards!

We had our first (and second) experience this past weekend with his son’s best friend (20 years my junior). My husband (J) initiated the entire interaction and basically brokered the deal. J sat on the couch (at his choosing) in the living room while me and P were in the bedroom doing our thing. J is in no way the true definition of a cuck and wants to be involved eventually. He wanted my first experience to be safe for me and one-on-one with someone we trusted and were comfortable with. J says he wants me to continuing seeing P on my own and has even contacted him directly about seeing me again, which we are in a few days while J is out of town.

J’s concern now is that I’m going to put him second fiddle to P, or anyone else. I’ve reassured him that he is, and will always be, my number 1. In my heart, mind, body and soul. He is my home and my safe place.

How do I continue to communicate that with him when this is so new and just starting and he’s already having these feelings? I’ve told him we can take P out of it and find others that we are not close to and don’t see on a (very) regular basis. He says he likes the thought of P and I having a relationship and continuing this on and him being my BF.

I’m just so confused by his feelings of confusion. Can anyone relate or provide advice?

If I can be very honest with you, if I was in your shoes, I would end the thing with P immediately. And tell your husband that you are ending it. That right there is confirmation to him that you will end something good with a more younger handsome guy (which is what he is struggling with) for him. And you would end it even if he is asking you to keep going. Your husband is allowing it to continue eventhough it hurts him badly because he wants you to be pleased. In the long run it will hurt your marriage drastically because it seems he is not on board 100%. You should start with threesomes with women or other men whatever first. Especially he is not a cuck in your words so if you continue 100% your husband will seek a younger hotter girl and cheat on you behind your back. That will be his revenge. Then your marriage is going to shambles. Just being straight up.

[MartasBoy]

My husband and I are very new to this. We’ve been to clubs to watch a few times but never participated. The sex was amazing afterwards! .....

J’s concern now is that I’m going to put him second fiddle to P, or anyone else. I’ve reassured him that he is, and will always be, my number 1. In my heart, mind, body and soul. He is my home and my safe place. ....

I’m just so confused by his feelings of confusion. Can anyone relate or provide advice?

Ma'am, I would love to hear an update on how things have progressed with you and your husband. Have you managed to calm his fears at all? Have you been able to continue playing in a way that is satisfying for you? What kind of things are working for you?

[coastalkid]

Just my opinion and nothing more. If you want your husband to to have no doubt whatsoever about being YOUR #1 then you have to DO SOMETHING that proves it to him. Search your heart and soul to find out what that is. You should know him better than anyone does. He can tell himself that he's #1 but that will never be as powerful as knowing it's true because of your steadfast affirmation. YOU are the only person that can reassure him that he is and will always be the most significant person in your life. Don't assume or disregard ANYTHING! When people are left to their own imagination it will find its way to all sorts of places, good places and very, very dark places.