Touch and Go

[LI_hotwife]

Hi. We have been active swingers and had one mfm as well that was more me watching and reclaiming than mfm. It has been great.

My question or conundrum is the following:

We actively discuss hotwife vixen play with studs when fucking. She asks for me to find her toys (studs) during foreplay, penetration, and after glow. But then we don’t discuss during day to day. Much of it is because of real life but I think she is also feeling mixed about wanting new cock and actually having it. Not that she doesn’t want to pursue it. More like she feels bad about it despite my encouragement and desire.

How have you tackled this and moved forward?

[MartasBoy]

Hi. We have been active swingers and had one mfm as well that was more me watching and reclaiming than mfm. It has been great.

My question or conundrum is the following:

We actively discuss hotwife vixen play with studs when fucking. She asks for me to find her toys (studs) during foreplay, penetration, and after glow. But then we don’t discuss during day to day. Much of it is because of real life but I think she is also feeling mixed about wanting new cock and actually having it. Not that she doesn’t want to pursue it. More like she feels bad about it despite my encouragement and desire.

How have you tackled this and moved forward?

Welcome to this website, LI.
Many, (or maybe most), women feel conflicted feelings about extramarital play. I am pretty big kinkster and have asked my wife to engage in a lot of the different fantasies and fetishes I have. Some of the more extreme ones are a complete no-go for her. Sometimes I think there have been some that she said were a little too outlandish for her, but she indulged me in playing with them. I think there are times when she has been turned on by things, that she felt a little conflicted about, or felt embarrassed, or possibly ashamed, and may have denied how much they turned her on as well.

You know, whenever we are in the heat of sexual arousal, something can feel very exciting. After orgasm, and after those exciting feelings of arousal subside, we are more likely to feel guilt, if any exists regarding that particular thing.

I have found, that the quickest way to shut my wife down, from ever wanting to engage in some fantasy play with me again, is to point out to her how aroused she seemed by it, when she tells me that she really wasn't into it that much. I think there may be some guilty denial involved, and it is usually better to leave that alone, at least in my experience with my wife.

[Hellion4u]

I can only speak from a bull’s perspective from the couples I’ve been with and seen reactions Although there are a lot of similarities in each hotwife scenario the outcomes aren’t always the same. Everyone’s feelings from it are different from person to person. I think more thought goes into the pros versus the cons. But already being swingers is a head start

[LI_hotwife]

Hi. We have been active swingers and had one mfm as well that was more me watching and reclaiming than mfm. It has been great.

My question or conundrum is the following:

We actively discuss hotwife vixen play with studs when fucking. She asks for me to find her toys (studs) during foreplay, penetration, and after glow. But then we don’t discuss during day to day. Much of it is because of real life but I think she is also feeling mixed about wanting new cock and actually having it. Not that she doesn’t want to pursue it. More like she feels bad about it despite my encouragement and desire.

How have you tackled this and moved forward?

Welcome to this website, LI.
Many, (or maybe most), women feel conflicted feelings about extramarital play. I am pretty big kinkster and have asked my wife to engage in a lot of the different fantasies and fetishes I have. Some of the more extreme ones are a complete no-go for her. Sometimes I think there have been some that she said were a little too outlandish for her, but she indulged me in playing with them. I think there are times when she has been turned on by things, that she felt a little conflicted about, or felt embarrassed, or possibly ashamed, and may have denied how much they turned her on as well.

You know, whenever we are in the heat of sexual arousal, something can feel very exciting. After orgasm, and after those exciting feelings of arousal subside, we are more likely to feel guilt, if any exists regarding that particular thing.

I have found, that the quickest way to shut my wife down, from ever wanting to engage in some fantasy play with me again, is to point out to her how aroused she seemed by it, when she tells me that she really wasn't into it that much. I think there may be some guilty denial involved, and it is usually better to leave that alone, at least in my experience with my wife.

Thank you. I should clarify that I think the feelings she has have more to do with her being fearful of enjoying it and indulging in it.

[coastalkid]

Thank you. I should clarify that I think the feelings she has have more to do with her being fearful of enjoying it and indulging in it.

I think that's an honest and healthy fear to have. Sure, some fears are irrationally based but others are well founded by real life, tangible examples. She knows how much the allure and free reign would cloud her thinking and lead her to making a mistake that could make everyone's live difficult at best and horribly devastating at worst. Not many people catch on to the undeniable fact that a hot wife carries most of the responsibility in these relationships, whether it

If you truly consider the alternatives, I would prefer a wife that THINKS about the potential outcomes rather than one that doesn't. It sounds like she trusts your sincerity and she doesn't trust her own will power. She obviously doesn't want to ruin things. That shows a very admirable quality. If she simply wanted to indulge herself she would, but she's clearly not like that. Just my opinion, but you have a good wife and BOTH of you will know when everything seems right.

[zorro]

Welcome to the Forum, LI_hotwife.

You will hear mentioned here the principal operating rule: Communication, communication, communication.
Several of us here have found that having sex with other people can bring a couple closer. To achieve that, it helps to become more open, communicative, and candid about what is true for each person in the marriage.
Plus, it can be incredibly fun once a husband and wife gets past the anxiety of wondering what will happen if each of them come to know what is true for them. Sex is sex, but intimacy between loving partners creates deeper love and understanding.

Have you tried asking her your very legitimate question: Why don't you care to talk about sex with others during the day? But be sure to ask it as a form of curiosity, not confrontation. What is it that makes her feel bad? That's the place to begin exploring. And resist the temptation to argue. Just understand more and more what is behind her negative feelings and let both of you reflect on them. And be sure to thank her for letting you know.

You may be on the verge of things getting even better

[Swingpaul]

Those are all normal feelings to have, communication is key, if you find it uncomfortable to ask her directly then show you have understanding of her feelings.

For example: I know you may be feeling bad or maybe guilty but I just want you to know that it is absolutely something that I want and something that I greatly desire, do you mind if we talk about it just so we are both happy?

[Johnann2227]

We agree with the others who said communication is vital. Whether it is swinging or hotwifing communication is integral in a successful relationship.

However there is something that you can do that can get your wife into hotwifing. Whenever we have been swinging or hotwifibg together, when my wife is with another guy for the first time I always like to hold his cock and put it into her pussy for the first time. My wife says that when we were first getting into hotwifing, this meant so much to her. It was a physical act of love that I was fine with giving her to another man. We still do this now even though after many years my wife has no guilt about her appetite for sex with other men.

Now to do this you have to be comfortable with male to male touch. You also have to have a male who is happy to havve his cock held by a man and put into a pussy. In our experience, in the heat of the moment when he is kneeling between my wife's spread legs looking at her wet and open pussy, just about all guys will accept anything to get their cock in her.

Also gifts. Starting off in hotwifing I used to buy gifts for my wife after she had been on a date. Jewellery was always popular. I bought her a Pandora charm bracelet and each time she dated or fucked a new man I would buy her a charm and a bouquet of flowers. She used to laugh that it should be her buying me gifts for letting her have other cock. But I always told her that her being a wonderful hotwife was the greatest gift she could give me.

[LI_hotwife]

Hi. We have been active swingers and had one mfm as well that was more me watching and reclaiming than mfm. It has been great.

My question or conundrum is the following:

We actively discuss hotwife vixen play with studs when fucking. She asks for me to find her toys (studs) during foreplay, penetration, and after glow. But then we don’t discuss during day to day. Much of it is because of real life but I think she is also feeling mixed about wanting new cock and actually having it. Not that she doesn’t want to pursue it. More like she feels bad about it despite my encouragement and desire.

How have you tackled this and moved forward?

UPDATE: We communicated. We explored. We made some breakthroughs. I was honest and she listened. She absorbed and is now becoming a blossoming hotwife vixen.

[SilverStag]

We settled that issue by her allowing me the same freedom to play solo. She doesn't feel guilty about playing herself if I can play too.

[LI_hotwife]

We settled that issue by her allowing me the same freedom to play solo. She doesn't feel guilty about playing herself if I can play too.

We have played with couples before and I have been in Fmf before. The option for other women has been there for some time.

For her it was the focus on one younger man who we are inviting to please her. It was a push pull. I understood her conflicted feelings and assured her they were expected. I said it’s ok to enjoy and want. Her counterpoint is guilt, mine a slight jealousy.

[coastalkid]

This is just my observation/opinion. I don't think I'm right or wrong. She will never enjoy herself fully with nagging doubts regarding her guilt. For me this falls into the category of "learning to like" something. "Learning to like" something by definition means that you don't like parts or aspects of whatever it is. "Learning to like" something means that you must analyze your own reasons regarding how deeply your objection affects you. You can either dismiss them and admit you may be wrong or realize that YOU, personally, can not simply dismiss them because the fear/unwanted feeling persists.

There is no way you can transition from "learning to like" to "loving and craving" ANYTHING without realizing/admitting that your perception was incorrect/incomplete or flawed. If you want to TRULY an FULLY enjoy ANYTHING it can not be accompanied with a "downside". The two don't compare. The phrases, "worth every penny" and "I'd do it again in a heartbeat" come to mind in contrast to, "It was a lifetime experience for sure, but (add ANY reason)" and "I had fun. I would have had more fun if (add ANY reason)". It's just not on the same level whether it's a movie, a dining experience, a vacation or even sex.

I have a friend in the military. One time he used an acronym AAR. As a classroom teacher I was well familiar with acronyms but not this one. He told me it stood for "after action review". That made sense to me. After any lesson I gave I always analyzed what happened, what worked and what didn't. I believe that process is natural and innate in humans.The thing about the AAR is that it is intended to promote adjustment, to identify the shortcomings and change things.

If guilt or jealousy isn't addressed and resolved then there will always be a "downside". You can't "ignore away" those kind of things. Those things are personal! You can't tell your wife, "Honey lots of wives do this and they don't feel guilty!" Likewise, your wife can't say, "Honey lots of husbands aren't jealous!" Neither of those are compelling arguments. It doesn't address the specific personal issue.

Now that those feelings are out in the open, YOU need to be aware of what prompts her feelings of guilt and SHE needs to be aware of what prompts your jealousy. In other words her problems are also your problems and vice versa. Fixing/addressing one side's problem and ignoring the other's is short of the ideal.