Menopause and stress killing our fun

[hedonistcouple]

We started hotwifing a few months after we moved in together around 22 years ago.

There had been a long build up to it as we'd met 6 years prior and had been in an affair as we were married to other people.

My wife's past had been a huge catalyst to kick starting our hotwifing activity and she took to hotwifing very well indeed.

However, at age 50 we were hit by four problems that stopped us in our tracks. Menopause, kids became teenagers, elderly parents and the stress of running a small business in a rocky financial climate.

Menopause was sudden and brutal. Lubrication just dried up, along with her libido. CBD stopped the hot flushes but penetration was dry and painful.

Even with lube, thrush became an issue and we just resorted to mutual masturbation. Clubs were impossible because of the family commitments and our only Hotwifing was with a long term friend who she'd been fucking for 14 years on a thrice yearly basis.

She pre-lubed the morning of their evening meeting and she got wet with him but not like the old days.

His cock was long and thin and she said lube, size and excitement also made it possible.

We see him more regularly and I listen outside the bedroom door and then go down on her after he returns to the guest room. She then masturbates to orgasm whilst I watch and do the same.

She's never affectionate out of bed anymore and I am just miserable and bad tempered as we don't have the relationship we used to have.

I'm a supportive husband in every aspect but she says she's just lost interest in sex.

Anyone relate to this?

[MartasBoy]

When that happened, we relied on old fantasies and role plays we had used previously. She felt guilty, after the libido tanked to zero, every time she had to turn me down by saying she didn't feel up to it.

But now we play with old fantasies. Instead of turning me down by telling me she doesn't feel like it, she tells me that she is too sore and tired from her last night with her boyfriend. She tells me that he is so hard, that it hurts sometimes, in a really good way, but leaves her a little sore sometimes to wear she can't have sex with me.

Then she will offer to give me a handjob while she tells me about her time last night with her boyfriend. She will tell me what an incredible lover he is, how much bigger he is than me, and how his larger cock feels so much different than mine. He tells me that sex with me is now very unsatisfied, because she can barely feel me inside of her, after being with him, with as much larger penis. I get really hard, and come really fast and hard.

I tell her how wonderful it felt, and she will say, "Oh Sweetie, I'm so happy to hear that, because I'm afraid this is going to be the extent of your sex life from here on out. I just don't see the point of having intercourse with you anymore, when I have him, and I can no longer feel you inside of me."

[Parsifal]

Financial stress can reallocate erotic energy, but that's a matter of outlook, not biology. Proof - look at how fertile poor countries tend to be.

Menopause affects different women differently. My wife greatly benefits from hormone replacement therapy (T-pellets, estrogen patches). Diet, exercise and vitamin D. Put them altogether in a tiny bikini by the pool.

That she's not indifferent to hotwifing yet is a good sign of life.

Teenage or adult kids are a challenge for my wife and me too. But we make up ethical lies and make a game out of it. Curbing stress in your (her) parental role is another function of outlook. Counseling can help you turn loose, but you can also self-treat with simple reflection and avoid doctor bills just for telling you to chill.

I'm very encouraged reading sagas of the above-60 wives written about on this Site. It can go on a long time past menopause.

[MarknSusan]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

[Natatude]

It’s happened to me. And it sucks!!! The past year or so i don’t have the libido that I used to have. Grizzly and my lover both understand and have been patient with me. I’m so dry, my gynecologist suggested estrogen cream that is inserted every couple of days. Or coconut oil, they both help. I also have MS and this summer is just a killer, it’s so hot and humid here close to 100 everyday. My mom is 75, end of May she was diagnosed with bony metastatic and it’s so bad my sister, my daughter and myself are caring for her. Last week one of my favorite aunts died. My whole life seems to be in a shambles lately, and I feel so bad for my hubby. I keep trying to remind him, that it’s me and not him. I think everyone goes through dry spells. I pray mine gets better soon!

[MartasBoy]

It’s happened to me. And it sucks!!! The past year or so i don’t have the libido that I used to have. Grizzly and my lover both understand and have been patient with me. I’m so dry, my gynecologist suggested estrogen cream that is inserted every couple of days. Or coconut oil, they both help. I also have MS and this summer is just a killer, it’s so hot and humid here close to 100 everyday. My mom is 75, end of May she was diagnosed with bony metastatic and it’s so bad my sister, my daughter and myself are caring for her. Last week one of my favorite aunts died. My whole life seems to be in a shambles lately, and I feel so bad for my hubby. I keep trying to remind him, that it’s me and not him. I think everyone goes through dry spells. I pray mine gets better soon!

It is the same with my wife. It is difficult, but I know she didn't choose for her body to do this, and she still loves me. But I miss certain things. We do play and do fantasy play. You know, it is often said that the most active sex organ in the human body is the brain. You can do a lot with fantasy play.

[coastalkid]

I'm intimately familiar with the "Three Horsemen of the Marital Apocalypse", a conservative Christian upbringing, post-partum depression and menopause. Those three things have made my life much more challenging than I ever wanted. Add some children, parents passing on, and a demanding career and you've got your hands full.

[coastalkid]

It’s happened to me. And it sucks!!! The past year or so i don’t have the libido that I used to have. Grizzly and my lover both understand and have been patient with me. I’m so dry, my gynecologist suggested estrogen cream that is inserted every couple of days. Or coconut oil, they both help. I also have MS and this summer is just a killer, it’s so hot and humid here close to 100 everyday. My mom is 75, end of May she was diagnosed with bony metastatic and it’s so bad my sister, my daughter and myself are caring for her. Last week one of my favorite aunts died. My whole life seems to be in a shambles lately, and I feel so bad for my hubby. I keep trying to remind him, that it’s me and not him. I think everyone goes through dry spells. I pray mine gets better soon!

I'm sincerely sorry you are facing so many challenges. It makes being resilient so much more difficult when things pile on top of each other. When your mind won't let go of the problems and stresses that are completely out of your control it is almost impossible to just ignore them and try to enjoy yourself. Once things pile up enough ANY little new problem that comes along to add to the pile becomes amplified because you just don't have the capacity to focus any more.

I hope some things happen for you to relieve your stress. Having some things taken off your full plate would be a welcome relief!

[SilverStag]

Real life can ruin a good time.

I suggest that you find couples counseling (although finding a therapist who is familiar and ok with our "hobby" is tough. Look for one who is acquainted with LBGTQ+ relationships). Sometimes the answer is just getting back onto the same sheet of music.

Good luck

[MartasBoy]

Real life can ruin a good time.

I suggest that you find couples counseling (although finding a therapist who is familiar and ok with our "hobby" is tough. Look for one who is acquainted with LBGTQ+ relationships). Sometimes the answer is just getting back onto the same sheet of music.

Good luck

There is a website for that, called Kink Aware Professionals.
They have listings for therapists who are able to discuss anything and not be shocked or make you feel judged.

They have doctors who are aware of the special needs of people who may engage in unusual sexual activities.

https://www.kapprofessionals.org/

[Gulfcpl]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

That and Julian procedure. Julian cures the wetness problem.

[1FoxxyCajun]

Yes please look into HRT!!! I actually wouldn't have even started HWing if it wasn't for that. It made my low libido higher than it's ever been in my life, I feel alive again. And so many of my health issues were solved just with some hormone adjustment. Turns out not every mid-life woman needs a billion medications for a bunch of issues, just restoring some depleted hormones & in some cases nutrients can make a big difference. Also look into thyroid health. Do the research online first and then take that knowledge to the doc, because most docs are not highly educated on menopause & perimenopause but that's starting to change. There's currently a little renaissance going on, gen X and Xennial women have decided to take their health into their own hands & are demanding more care. It's not right for everyone but for those it is, it is life changing.

[coastalkid]

Also look into thyroid health.

Wow! You just made me realize something. About a couple of years ago my wife was diagnosed with a thyroid condition. It's treatable with medication. What I'm realizing that that and other things have come around and she is more sexual now than ever before. We're older but she seems to be enjoying some sort of second wind. Lately I've been teasing her by calling her "Mrs. Everready!" She told me that anytime I want sex just ask her. I wonder if the thyroid situation had any affect on her libido?

We've always had to use lubrication and even more so of late. She likes a specific type of lotion. It kind of ruins the idea of cleaning her up. I casually mentioned HRT and wondered if that might help with the lubrication part. She was strangely adamant that she was not interested and thought she didn't need it. She went on to share snippets from friends of hers that suffered from side effects. I could tell there was no going forward with that thought. She more or less slammed that door and she's not usually that way.

Things are great with us right now, better than ever! That just surprised me the way she reacted.

[Filou]

Usually thyroid condition - either low or high - lowers the libidy. So if she now receives treatment, that might be a reason. Good for you !

As for hormone treatment it's hard to blame someone if (s)he is against it. In our case it was an easy pick, because she had massive problems, but hormone treatment can also come with side effects and while most are not that serious and can be easily adressed there is also the small chance of very serious sideeffects like thrombosis.
And truth to be told i know that in some countries basic health insurance would not cover the cost of plasters over pills which in itself will lower the risk of sideeffects by an good amount.

[1FoxxyCajun]

Oh interesting! coastalkid, I'm glad she's feeling so much better! If she ever changes her mind, estradiol cream helps a ton with lubrication and it's considered local and not systemic.

filou, Just adding that oh yes that's true, the estradiol patch and the gel have much fewer side effects than the pill. And some side effects are good, like some protection against heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia. I think it's still being studied how much protection though. It's a shame about insurance. There is currently a shortage of patches as supply is trying to catch up to demand in the US, due to the FDA removing the black box warning on estradiol.

[hedonistcouple]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

She had to stop HRT as it made her ill. OBG advice was to stop or risk serious illness

[coastalkid]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

She had to stop HRT as it made her ill. OBG advice was to stop or risk serious illness

A lot like this lifestyle. it isn't for everyone! I've always thought my wife would benefit from HRT, but she's heard too many stories like yours and from her friends. It's a "no go" for her. She's always struggled with lubricating and her libido has been improved lately but it's never been strong (or even close to that). I thought it might address those things but she was adamantly against it. So I dropped it.

[coastalkid]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

She had to stop HRT as it made her ill. OBG advice was to stop or risk serious illness

A lot like this lifestyle. it isn't for everyone! I've always thought my wife would benefit from HRT, but she's heard too many stories like yours and from her friends. It's a "no go" for her. She's always struggled with lubricating and her libido has been improved lately but it's never been strong (or even close to that). I thought it might address those things but she was adamantly against it. So I dropped it.

I don't deny bearing some fault in it, we've been married a long time. Sometimes a lot AND nothing happens in a long time!

[MarknSusan]

Please look into hormone replacement therapy!

She had to stop HRT as it made her ill. OBG advice was to stop or risk serious illness

Sorry to hear this. OBGYN was wise to recognize and help your wife.