Almost got there then

[Stovepipe123]

New member here. I have a long story to tell but thought I would hit some highs and recent lows. There is so much to tell. My wife and I are older but live a pretty active life. She is petite 53 year old, about 98 pounds, with small breasts. I just turned 60. We have been together for 5 years and married for one. She is a bit bipolar so her moods can change especially when drinking a bit. A few years ago we were having incredible adventourous sex. Playing games and acting out a bit in front of people. She was being a absolute turn on . One night we were talking about how girls have taken over there sexuality through only fans. I shit you not she said "I would do that" It turned me on so much thinking guys looking at her it and flirtig with her. I took her on it and she actually did it for about 6 months. We went on a fishing trip and when we got back she became ill. Once she recovered she has not been the same. This is a year and a half ago. Her only fans page is still active but she keeps saying I want to use it as an excuse to see other girls. This is the opposiite of the truth. I have tried to convinece her that her happiness is my priority. Like I said she is bipolar to a bit so it comes and goes. For example we were having sex about 6 months ago and I was sharing my desire to watch her with another guy and she said "I want you to make them want to fuck me" no kidding right out of no where. She has not become that aroused since. I travel alot for work and she used to join me. She has not for the last few months. I am not the cuckold where I want humiliation but taking sloppy seconds after watching her get fucked would be an absolute wonder. I have hit some highs and lows so if anyone would like to ground me a bit and discuss how I can reignite her passion and convince her that I am not looking for an excuse to see other woment that would be great. Thanks

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Stovepipe123. Would she be up for having her own account on OHWs?

[Stovepipe123]

I really dont think she would. Maybe if she seem that I joined it would help convince her that Im not out for other women.

[leggysman]

Exactly. Here she could find out more about this kink, and that there are lots and lots of husbands who are like you. She could 'meet' other women in secure, happy marriages who actually do this. These things were very helpful in convincing leggysandy to give it a try.

[Stovepipe123]

I will try to think of a way to approach her on it. Like I said we have teased about it during sex a bit and I prod her about her past sexual experiences. The latter goes over ok when the mood is right. She does fantasize about a guy she new as a teenager that was a bit older that worked at a camp. He would play around with her a bit but would not cross the line. Ive tried to search him on facebook and can only find some family memebers. Man if I could find him and the situation for him was right I could probably sit back and watch it happen, pun intended.

At any rate do you think letting her find this site open on my computer and let her ask the questions or just bring it up?

[leggysman]

At any rate do you think letting her find this site open on my computer and let her ask the questions or just bring it up?

You'll find that most people here who've had success will advocate for direct communication. Sometimes here in Wannabes you'll find scheming and manipulation proposed and discussed, but I'm firmly in the camp of just talking openly with your spouse. Cast aside fear and shame, and be vulnerable with her. She will (probably) love that.

That said, one has to pick his moments. You'll be the person who knows her best, and knows when these sorts of topics are best raised. Often the bedroom is a good place to broach an "out there" fantasy idea for the first (few) time(s). Then let it sit with her. You'll know she's warming up to it if/when she wants to talk about it outside the bedroom. Maybe then's a good time to say: "I've been reading this forum that's really good, if you want to learn more about it, how common of a fantasy it is, etc."

Let her in - but directly, openly, honestly. While you're at it, learn about her fantasies too. Maybe there's overlap

P.s> Don't make the mistake of trying to play it cool, hedging, saying you'd be "ok with" her playing with others. She needs to know you actually desire it, as opposed to just not caring what she does.

[SilverStag]

I agree with Leggy, you have to talk to her. Find out what has changed for her after that fishing trip. Obviously there is something to be known in order to understand the change in her behavior. You say she is bi-polar. Has she been diagnosed or are you just presuming? If she is clinically Bi Polar, is she getting treatment?

All women are a mystery and any of we men who think we understand them are just mistaken. The best course of action in most any situation involving someone else is to talk to understand, not to convince.

[Stovepipe123]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I approached this conversation with my wife, and I’m realizing I may have framed things in a way that didn’t reflect what I actually meant. My intention was to express how desirable I find her and how much I enjoy our connection, but I think I leaned too heavily into talking about women’s sexual freedom in general. Looking back, that probably came across as me trying to convince her of something instead of simply sharing what I genuinely feel. I can see how that might have made her think I was interested in other women, which isn’t the case.

The truth is, I dropped the ball on communicating that this is something I would enjoy with her, because of who she is and how I feel about her — not because I’m looking elsewhere. I love her deeply, and she’s the one who sets the pace and the boundaries. She’s the person I want, and I want her to feel that.

Part of me wonders if it might be better to let things settle for a bit and then revisit the topic naturally, in a moment where we’re already feeling close and connected. Not to pressure her, but to make sure she hears the emotional side of it rather than the “convincing” side.

As for what shifted after the fishing trip, I still can’t pinpoint it. She got really sick with that parasite for weeks, and that took a toll on her energy and mood. She wasn't making much on her OF page yet. Through all of that, I kept thinking about the smile she had when I took those pictures — it still gets me excited just remembering it. Maybe I got a little too caught up in how much I enjoyed that moment, and didn’t pay enough attention to how she was feeling afterward but we would have some awesome sex that she would initiate.

What I do know is that I love her, I respect her, and she’s the one who leads the way on this. I just want to communicate better, be clearer about my intentions, and make sure she feels valued, desired, and safe.

She has been diagnosed with bipolar but tries to use natural treatments. She was getting treatment but she hated the medecine, as most do. I have to admit it turned her into a zombie. I get used to the high and lows. It has been a lot tougher since she has not been traveling with me.

I’d really appreciate any thoughts or guidance on how to approach this in a healthier, more supportive way.

[zorro]

A key component is having a conversation with yourself. Why do you hesitate to tell her your truth: It would be hot for her to enjoy other men. You very articulately expressed that you have her sexual elevation in mind, not your experiencing other women.

Are you held back by shame or guilt about the sexual urges/fantasies you have? This question is just an educated guess, and I may be mistaken. If so, then you will need to work these through before opening up. If YOU are reserved because of apprehension/shame about your desires, she will sense that. And if you transmit nonverbally how you are ashamed of your sexual feelings, why would she want to pursue something you feel ashamed of?

I think some self-conversation is the place to start and to become comfortable with what is admittedly an unusual hobby. And if she actually has Bipolar Disorder, I would strongly urge you to hold off broaching the subject if she is in a down phase. Either the expansive or euthymic phases would likely be more productive. But if you go this route during the ups, be careful what you ask for.

The fishing trip may have coincidentally occurred when her mood/energy phase switched down or even just into euthymia.

[Cherrybombslam06]

“I dropped the ball on communicating” is the best opening line to start with.

[Hellion4u]

I have been with a wife similar to this. She was man hating one minute then boy crazy the next It’s hard to say which version your gonna get when. This would be hard to do but if u hold have a buddy waiting in the wings or be a little more prepared so to speak. U might fall into some crazy stuff I know I did

[Stovepipe123]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I am trying to figure a way to say it outside the "fantasy" roleplay during sex. I dont think, but may be wrong, just blurting out "I want to watch you with another man" is going to cut it. We are going to Nashville right downtown the end of this month for a week. I'm hoping to come up with a plan to do the deed then. Would it be a good time to do i?. We went shopping yesterday and she bought a couple really sexy but respectful outfits. I told her that she will be one hell of a turn on. She smiled and went looking for another outfit. Like I mentioned before I believe she would do it but has trust with me issues. We are speaking to those pretty well lately.

I would appreciate any advice short term or when on vacation.

[Bluetoed]

If it is a trust issue (it's probably more than just that) then you need to SHOW her that she wouldn't hurt you if she did it. Let her witness how her speaking the fantasy to you makes you hard. Let her witness how her masturbationg to the fantasy makes you hard. Then ask her to ask you "if I did [such and such] with another man, would it turn you on?" Tell her that [such and such] is anything she finds it hard to believe turns you on, And the rule is your answer cant be verbal. The only answer to her question comes from the hardness of your dick.

This works for anything sexual, not just the hotwife fantasy. My wife used to get turned off by me licking her asshole. Then I told her to let me show her how much I like to do it. She let me do it, and then saw and felt how hard it makes me. Now she absolutely loves it when I lick her asshole. A lot of apprehensions are simply their projecting how they would feel on you. They need to witness for real that it affects you differently to really believe you feel differently than them.

[Stovepipe123]

I appreciate the advice. We are going on vacation in Nashville at the end of the month. We are there three full days then heading to the smokeys for the rest of the week. We are staying downtown. We have the first day to just adlib it then we each planned a day which we will share when we get there. Have used some AI to plan a day. We both love history so a nice breakfast followed by museum visit. Need mid afternoon adventure then head to hotel for change of clothes then a nice dinner and hit honky tonk. Any ideas or thoughts. Thanks in advance.