Anyone else at this phase?

[Bmoore1990]

Ive posted here before as it relates to our story but never in full detail. Im looking for someone to email or chat with who has a similar experience so far... so here it is.

My wife and I got married 6 years ago during the start of covid. We were early 30s at the time. We had a great sex life much like most couples this age. We probably were having sex 6-8 times a week. We had bought toys and enjoyed using them occasionally. We both were open about the fact that we enjoyed porn occasionally, just to paint a picture about how open our lines of communication were around sex. About a year into our marriage we were out at a birthday party event and got home late. It was one of those nights where as soon as we stepped in the door we were taking eachothers clothes off. One way or another we got into dirty talk and i revealed to her my cuckold and hotwife fantasies. I told her I had been having them ever since I met her 4 years ago.
For some background I have no idea where this fantasy came from except for the fact that ive always thought my wife is out of my league and I definitely did way too good for myself to land her. I constantly notice her getting attention from men or even women and I think this is how it all started on my head. Also, when we first started dating or even before we dated, my buddies who had met her had tried picking up her before. I think a lot of these things led me to where I am today with it all..
..so back to the night I told her. She was surprised, confused, somewhat offended, and essentially said it'll never happen but appreciates me telling her my deepest fantasies. After I told her, I sort of kept my mouth shut about it because I felt like the door was firmly shut. It was probably a year or 18 months later before SHE brought it up. She asked if I still have those thoughts. I told her literally every single day. Since that time over the last couple years she has routinely engaged in dirty talk around cuckolding/hotwifing me. I would say 9 of 10 times that we have sex (still having sex probably 5ish times a week) she brings up pillow talk or dirty talk around cuckolding. She knows it gets me every time. We have had fun long conversations around it over bottles of wine at home, and shes come around to the idea now. Its firmly in the "open to it, in the right scenario" stage with her.
Whats her "right scenario"? On vacation, anywhere but out home city, we would use fake names/alias, and the person would have to be older 50-65 sort of range. Weve talked in lots of detail around it, again no physical real encounter yet.. except last spring in Las Vegas..
She had full permission to take things as far as she wanted, she was apprehensive but had some fun with it. She told me she is doubtful anything would happen on the trip but was somewhat open to it, to the point where pretty much all 3 of our evenings in vegas sort of revolved around picking out or eyeing up a potential guy and going into those types of establishments. On our last night, we were in a lobby bar and she started chatting up a 55 year old business type guy. They talked and laughed/joked for probably close to an hour. It felt weird to me. I sort of got cold feet. I got jealous. I ended up making us leave. I told her after how I felt at the time and she was confused by it. In hindsight now, I find that night incredibly hot.
So my question now is, am I even ready for this ever? How come the more shes shows that she could be on board with it, the more I pull away from it? Is this normal? The thoughts of her having sex with another man pretty much consume all of my sexual thoughts that enter my head on any given day. Its all I think about. The fantasy and desire gets stronger and stronger. Why do I get such cold feet in those moments?
Do i just enjoy her dirty talking about it? Anyone else in this phase? I have so many detailed visions of her infront of me in a hotel room with her hands and his hands all over her.. should I back off this fantasy?

Anyone else here at this phase? Feel free to message or email.

[AZguy425]

I'd be glad to talk about it. My situation is not identical but there are parallels. I think you need to tell her that the angst is part of what you like about it.

I also think couples get into this idea that it's supposed to be a certain way. I am still a wannabe with my current wife and we first discussed a MFM 3some and she was a no. I then said I would love to watch her get fucked. That was a maybe which morphed into a no because she didn't think she could relax.

My wife is like your wife where there are specific conditions like out being out of town or definitely a stranger or someone she won't see again. So what i have is organic. If she was hit on our picked up by a guy, I might be watching from afar or might not even be there. So if she ever picks up a guy and leaves with him, even if I have cold feet I am not in a position to stop it and she'll get fucked.

If you really want it and think you're just fighting the angst, you need to set the parameters where she makes the decision and you have limited options to stop it.

[Bmoore1990]

Thanks for replying. I can appreciate your situation but I feel like the fantasy for me largely includes me being very close to the action. Im just not sure how to get past the angst at all. My wife and I have an incredible relationship and im convinced we are soul mates (that may sound corny) and I just dont know how to square all of that if im honest. My love for her vs. My fantasy

[Bmoore1990]

Anyone?

[Tryn]

I’m a good looking 50 yo man that understands hotwife desires, fears, and apprehensions. If interacting with you and your wife would help you to figure out your way, I’m more than happy to help! With no expectations of anything, of course.

[Bmoore1990]

I’m a good looking 50 yo man that understands hotwife desires, fears, and apprehensions. If interacting with you and your wife would help you to figure out your way, I’m more than happy to help! With no expectations of anything, of course.

Id be open to chatting potentially

[Bmoore1990]

Love to get other newbie or wannabe stories

[MartasBoy]

Thanks.....

..... Im just not sure how to get past the angst at all. My wife and I have an incredible relationship and im convinced we are soul mates (that may sound corny) and I just dont know how to square all of that if im honest. My love for her vs. My fantasy

You've heard the terms mixed feelings, or conflicted feelings. It's quite normal to feel those. This is a big and risky and scary thing. In the world of kink, people often say, "be very careful what you wish for."

The fantasies we play with for years, and, particularly when we men entertain one of our fantasies, and masturbate to it frequently, it develops an incredible intensity. It has partly to do with our testosterone fuel brains. It's usually more intense with us guys, than it is for most women.

It's almost exclusively us men who get addicted to porn, and not very often the case for women. We guys can get really intensely fixated (addicted) to a fantasy and begin to think that we want to experience it in real life. Actually doing some of our fantasies in real life can be scary when we actually get close to doing it.

I believe it has a lot to do with the excitement about danger and risk-taking that a lot of us are attracted to. It can be very exciting, but the moment it becomes a reality, it can bring up those conflicted or mixed feelings with the greatest intensity.

A lot of guys on here talk about cuckold angst. That fear and anxiety when we actually get our wish. Some get over the worst of it the first time, and come to really enjoy the excitement of the adventure. Some people never do and back out, realizing that the reality was just too scary.

I think everyone considering being cuckolded, has to seriously consider their feelings and search their soul, and try to determine if they can really do it. Decide to keep it strictly as a fantasy, and those are the people who decide to just enjoy the fantasy, as a fantasy, and be lifelong wannabes. Others push through the angst and get themselves to face it and deal with it.

The excitement of the fantasy is very real. The fear of losing our wife, is also very real. I think everyone has to consider how strong their marital relationship is, and decide if the risk in the fear are worth it, to achieve the fantasy. I don't think it's anything that anyone else can answer for you. You have to figure it out for yourself.

I took up skydiving for a while, and did over 30 jumps, as a student skydiver. I knew it was something I really wanted to do. It really enticed me and excited me. I was very nervous and scared, from the moment they strapped the skydiving harness on me, walking to the plane, riding in the plane is a taxi down the runway, and taking off into the sky, I thought I was going to throw up, the whole time I was writing in the airplane to get to proper altitude. I thought my heart had fallen out of my chest, when they opened the door the airplane. I had no idea if I was going to be able to get myself to actually jump. But I did.

As soon as my body left the airplane, there was an incredible rush from the thrill. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I signed up for the whole student training package, and was hooked.

But I had butterflies and a little nervousness, with every one of the nearly 40 jumps I did. I know I did not want to ever get hurt or die jumping out of airplanes, but I really loved doing it. Something like that is really only exciting, if there is some element of risk and danger. There are occasionally people who die from skydiving, but it's a small percentage of the people who skydive all around the world, most every weekend. It is actually very safe. But it's the element of risk and danger that makes it exciting.

I think it has to be like that with hot wifing and being cuckolded. There always is the possibility that somebody could lose their wife doing this kind of stuff. Ultimately, only you can make the decision about whether or not you can make this particular jump.

Conflicted feelings are normal.

I think it probably helps to talk about it a lot with your wife. Share all of your fantasies and thrill about the idea, but also share your fears.

These conflicted feelings and fears, are why a lot of people set limits and rules, like only doing this through brief encounters, and no long-term relationships.

If you can share all the back and forth of the conflicted feelings that run through your mind, your wife can talk through our feelings about it as well. She will most likely give you reassurance that she has no interest in leaving you, or breaking up your marriage, but also feels some excitement about the idea.

Good luck.

[Hawks6364]

Awesome thread everyone. Thank you for sharing. I’m in the wannabe category also. My wife knows that it’s a fantasy and every once in a while we role play a little. She even cums harder and she’s wetter than normal. She is still in the good/proper wife mode that was drilled into her as a kid. She is a smoking hot 43 year old mother of two but also struggles with body confidence issues which blows my mind. She would crush an onlyfans account if she dove head first. So i battle her distorted view of other men finding her attractive which blows my mind. Anyway, hope this thread continues and thanks for the backdrop!!!

[Hellion4u]

Older bull here. It’s common what your feeling a going through. Like a lot of other thing it it’s easier said than done. Even more so this personal and normally a private moment for 2. I can some of my experiences with couples ive been with.

[Bmoore1990]

Thanks everyone for all the input! Amazing responses

[Bmoore1990]

Bump

[Late]

In my opinion, it's called "wannabe" for a reason. If the only destination of this journey is the culmination of our cuckoldry then it should be called "gonnabe". I've been a wannabe for MANY years. She didn't even know for a long time. In the years since I first shared with her my desires, we have made a lot of progress, but none of it actually leading to me being cuckolded. The journey itself has been good for me. I think if you pay attention to the journey itself it can answer your question for you. There are many steps in the journey. A few of them:
Telling her about your thoughts.
Sharing pillow talk.
Sharing "shopping trips" (checking out guys, checking out who is checking her out).
Sharing "flirting opportunities".
Letting her get "hit on".
Letting her respond to getting hit on (kissing, touching, etc.).
Culmination.
At each one of these steps you (and she) can ask yourselves "do we go to the next step, stay here, or go back?".
Honesty with yourself and with each other will answer your question for you. Personally, we haven't gotten very far into the sharing flirting opportunities. The further we get into this, the surer I am that neither of us will ever want to get to culmination, but the surer I am that I want her to respond to getting hit on (kissing, touching). Her, not so much.
Again, I think if the two of you pay attention to where you are on the journey, and take your time getting there, you will know where "there" is.

Welcome to the wannabes.
Late

[Bmoore1990]

Yeah good info and perspective