Need help after 11 months no PIV

[Protonius]

Dear All,

as someone who reads here since already some time, I want to share my actual point with you to ask for advice how to proceed.

My actual situation:
My wife and I are in our begging 30s, together since long time and married since some years.
I got into this kink somehow step by step, also more intense by forums like this.
My wife is quite "traditional", so this is for sure nothing which would be normal to her.

Anyhow I tried to make first baby steps into this direction. So I started to buy toys (rabbits, womanizer,...) which changed the game, as she started to get real good orgasms. And I watched her or helped her. At the beginning she was sceptical as she said it can't be satisfying for me just watching. Of course we had PIV sex afterwards at the beginning and it felt great. Especially when we started to take bigger toys than me. And also the PIV sex changed more and more to handjobs, as after she was done she wanted somehow to quit it "fast und without mess". If I insisted on PIV she sometimes even asked me to wear a condom.
After watching her cum several times, I lasted maybe 1-2 min maximum, and she really said that this is not worth the mess. All of this triggered me more and more to be honest and I even cum faster.
We even came to the point were she insist on taking toys, asked if I want to watch and even gave them names...
All until the time we planned our first kid..
But also here we played with toys because she said an orgams highers the chance to get pregnant and just let me than cum inside on her fertile days after she was done.
This was also a turn on for me. Knowing the "job to satisfy" her is done by "someone" else....

Well soon she got pregnant and after her doctor said if she is very very sensitive on getting cystitis, we should use condoms in the beginning, if we want to have sex.
After that in the car back home, she said with a smile on her face if I have to use condoms she can anyhow use the toys, as its same surface but bigger and better. I nearly came in my pants hearing that.
And indeed, we haven't had PIV sex the whole pregnancy.
Especially in the last 3 months she anyhow was not in the mood. Until then only with toys, and maybe a handjob afterwards for me.
During birth she had some small injuries so the doc said we should wait with Sex at least 8 weeks. Again I felt aroused and sad at the same time, knowing after 9 months of no pussy, I again have to wait 8 weeks.

Now there are 2 weeks left, and she already mentioned if I am looking forward to it.

And now I want you to help me, how I can bring it to the next level? Honestly for me it is extremly hot If I could make the year full with not a single PIV Sex.
Of course the hottest thing I can Imagine is, that she has her "first time" after this year with someone else, but this is very unlikely in our actual situation.
Should I just start having PIV Sex again? Or maybe try to give her good orgasms with toys?
How can I proceed?

[coastalkid]

Welcome to the forum Protonius!

I'm curious when the doctor said to hold off on sex did that mean she didn't masturbate using a dildo? That's still a form of penetrative sex, right? Was it more for an infection prevention, hence the condom?

It sounds like you are interested in denial on some level. Let's say you did reach your goals of going a full year and she had sex with someone else. Would continuing your year without PIV be fun or getting it once and begin again? Do your hand-jobs ever seem like an obligatory thing to your wife, like it's a chore she just needs to get over with?

My own personal experience has been that post-partum depression cost me years and menopause more. I've had enough "incidental denial" that I'm not turned on by denial at all. As a consequence I've felt that I missed out on a lot of fucking. I love sex! I don't feel like I've ever fucked as much as I wanted to. No slam on the guys that dig the thrill of denial. Everybody has their kinks.

Who knows, maybe your wife would be motivated if you showed her how badly you wanted in her pussy. You know some kind of reverse psychology. Maybe she might see the thrill of taking it away from you.

During our lowest spot in our marriage I went nine months without sex. I waited for her to make the first move. I was a FOOL! We nearly divorced over it. Essentially organic denial is still denial. Any thrill that I might get from denial was crushed a long time ago by getting too much denial. Thankfully, we are in a far, far better place today. Sex is more frequent and more fun than ever. I just don't have a hot wife.

Either way, my personal advice is to have as much sex as you can in whatever form that manifests itself as, no matter what you choose! Remember, no one says on their death bed, "I wish I had spent less time fucking!" Well maybe some lucky fuckers might, at least you won't hear that from me.

[MartasBoy]

Dear All,.......

And now I want you to help me, how I can bring it to the next level? Honestly for me it is extremly hot If I could make the year full with not a single PIV Sex.
Of course the hottest thing I can Imagine is, that she has her "first time" after this year with someone else, but this is very unlikely in our actual situation.
Should I just start having PIV Sex again? Or maybe try to give her good orgasms with toys?
How can I proceed?

We have a Femdom marriage and it has been her decision. She also is one who has said that, for as quickly as it happens, and what little effect it brings, that it is not worth the mess.

She also practices chastity with me, and has learned that allowing me to play with myself no more often than every 3 weeks, and less often, provides me with more intense orgasms.

[Flint]

Yours is an interesting situation and potentially could work out well; her use of tools larger than yours at least shows a keen desire for sex albeit not with you.

If denial is good for you, then all is well, but what you really need is to know that she is turned on by denying you, especially whilst enjoying her other equipment. If she is then great, it bodes well for the future, but if she is just not bothered (like my own wife ), then the denial isn't there and you end up having to take care of yourself as best you can.

Good luck in your quest.

[testing_horn]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

[Protonius]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

Ok. Well if she really would want sex with someone else, this would be I guess a big turn on for me. But of course with consent and rules.

All other parts in our relationship work absolutely fine.

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

Me thinks maybe you shouldn't be on the welcoming committee.

[testing_horn]

[johnswan]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

I'd say that there are plenty of stories on here where the couple are having a great experience, no sign of divorce. It can actually strengthen a relationship.

Those stories that do end in divorce, are probably relationships where there was already problems, and this type of play was used to try and mend what was possibly already broken.

Good, honest communication is your friend. No need for it to end in a divorce.

[coastalkid]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

I'd say that there are plenty of stories on here where the couple are having a great experience, no sign of divorce. It can actually strengthen a relationship.

Those stories that do end in divorce, are probably relationships where there was already problems, and this type of play was used to try and mend what was possibly already broken.

Good, honest communication is your friend. No need for it to end in a divorce.

I completely agree with Johnswan's assessment. Good communication is an imperative. Good communication must be the unfiltered truth too. You can't "sort of" tell the truth.

I would guess that in the situations that lead to divorce the couples have gone off in different directions, diverging from the initial start. When things have progressed and evolved and there isn't any "after action review" things tend to move on in separate individual ways. This is where you often hear wives/gfs saying, "I don't know what he gets out of it but, whatever!" To me that is a sign of disconnection and the roots of failure.

When a wife/gf is unable to understand what thrills and excites her husband/bf it also denotes when that wife/gf DOESN'T know what ruins the experience for her husband/bf. At this point a wife/gf is acting and behaving unilaterally and assuming what the husband/bf wants and craves without verifying that she is correct. Which leads to another "blanket" statement that justifies the divergence, "Well, you're the one that wanted this!" That's just another way of saying, "I'm doing this my way and I'm not concerned with what you want!"

The men that crave an empowered, liberated wife/gf, crave and want that loss of control. They have sexualized the dynamic. Their thrill is based on power. Power, however, is a volatile thing. It can be used in a positive way that yields positive results for both parties. It can also be wielded like a weapon that causes destruction whether it is intentional or unintended, either way the result is negative. Some men crave that, they need constant escalation to feed that kink. Some men get more than they want and whatever shared initial goals they originally had begin their divergent paths.

Not much is said here about the power transfer and the responsibility a wife/gf acquires. No matter what ANYONE says there are consequences to the careless use of power and trust placed in them to use it wisely. They can use it to grow and foster the shared experience or they can choose to set a path that focuses on the individual and progressively dis-aggregates the shared experience. The latter choice devolves into, "Well, it's not my fault! This is what he said he wanted!"

I'll stand by this notion, the happiest hot wives have happy husbands! That means they KNOW what makes him happy and what makes him want to continue. That means they KNOW what he needs and WHY he needs it. That also means that they KNOW when he is unhappy and WHY. Even if a husband/bf craves the submission and having indignity heaped on him a wife can still fuck that up by using her power negligently. Power in the hands of the inexperienced or unprepared will always be accompanied by mistakes, mistakes that could be innocuous or devastating.

Like BB King said, "The thrill is gone! It's gone away for good!" An empowered wife can make that become true or she can figure out how to keep that thrill alive. Communication is one necessary component for sure. Communication alone isn't enough in my mind. It needs to be accompanied by TRUE "shared compersion". The wife needs to have as much compersion for her husband as does the husband. It doesn't matter how that happiness is manifested.

How can ANY wife/gf TRULY claim to be happy knowing FULL WELL that their husband/bf isn't? How can wife claim to be a true "loving wife" of a husband that does EVERYTHING in his power to make her happy and NOT want to do the same for him? I'm NOT talking about equality. I'm talking about KNOWING and WANTING what each other want and doing ALL they can to provide that for the most important person in their life because they are happiest when their partner is happy!

[MartasBoy]

Dear All,.....

....And now I want you to help me, how I can bring it to the next level? Honestly for me it is extremly hot If I could make the year full with not a single PIV Sex.
Of course the hottest thing I can Imagine is, that she has her "first time" after this year with someone else, but this is very unlikely in our actual situation.
Should I just start having PIV Sex again? Or maybe try to give her good orgasms with toys?
How can I proceed?

There are a significant number of women who prefer being pleasured orally, to PIV sex. A lot don't want to admit it, because they don't want to seem like an unloving wife. But there are many women, if their husband quit asking for it, would be perfectly happy with oral, and a vibrator.

You could just try pleasuring her with your mouth, and encouraging her to use her vibrator. And then just fall asleep after she has an orgasm. Asking her for handjob then being unable to do intercourse, after she brings you to orgasm.

If she is one of those women who likes it, she will eventually ask you for it. Otherwise you might find that she becomes happy with out you asking for it.

You could tell her that you have a very strong fantasy for being teased and denied. Many of us have female dominant marriages, in which sex is entirely dictated by our wife.

Once a woman is given complete control over the marital sex life, and a husband lets her know that he is very excited to pleasure her with his mouth, and be rewarded for good performance with a handjob while being able to do things like worship her butt or feet, some women will happily go with this. They will ask for oral pleasure from you, then happily reward you with a handjob. You might find yourself completely denied of PIV sex.

If you suggest a hot wife fantasy, where she picks an old boyfriend, a workplace crush, or just makes up an imaginary lover, this can create a whole new scenario by which she denies you sex.

Now, instead of telling you that she has a headache or doesn't feel like it, she can say, "I'm really sorry honey, I'm sore down there from my time last night with Brad. His penis is so large that is always leaves me feeling a little sore down there. You know, it would actually feel a little soothing to have you use your mouth on me, down there. You could do that, and then I can make you come with my hand."

There are women who would be perfectly happy with this arrangement has something permanent.

[testing_horn]

Welcome to the forum. I feel that this path is headed downhill, she'll need you less and less, then get sex from someone else, eventually you'll serve no purpose and this will end in divorce. Read some of the other stories on here.

I'd say that there are plenty of stories on here where the couple are having a great experience, no sign of divorce. It can actually strengthen a relationship.

Those stories that do end in divorce, are probably relationships where there was already problems, and this type of play was used to try and mend what was possibly already broken.

Good, honest communication is your friend. No need for it to end in a divorce.

I completely agree with Johnswan's assessment. Good communication is an imperative. Good communication must be the unfiltered truth too. You can't "sort of" tell the truth.

I would guess that in the situations that lead to divorce the couples have gone off in different directions, diverging from the initial start. When things have progressed and evolved and there isn't any "after action review" things tend to move on in separate individual ways. This is where you often hear wives/gfs saying, "I don't know what he gets out of it but, whatever!" To me that is a sign of disconnection and the roots of failure.

When a wife/gf is unable to understand what thrills and excites her husband/bf it also denotes when that wife/gf DOESN'T know what ruins the experience for her husband/bf. At this point a wife/gf is acting and behaving unilaterally and assuming what the husband/bf wants and craves without verifying that she is correct. Which leads to another "blanket" statement that justifies the divergence, "Well, you're the one that wanted this!" That's just another way of saying, "I'm doing this my way and I'm not concerned with what you want!"

The men that crave an empowered, liberated wife/gf, crave and want that loss of control. They have sexualized the dynamic. Their thrill is based on power. Power, however, is a volatile thing. It can be used in a positive way that yields positive results for both parties. It can also be wielded like a weapon that causes destruction whether it is intentional or unintended, either way the result is negative. Some men crave that, they need constant escalation to feed that kink. Some men get more than they want and whatever shared initial goals they originally had begin their divergent paths.

Not much is said here about the power transfer and the responsibility a wife/gf acquires. No matter what ANYONE says there are consequences to the careless use of power and trust placed in them to use it wisely. They can use it to grow and foster the shared experience or they can choose to set a path that focuses on the individual and progressively dis-aggregates the shared experience. The latter choice devolves into, "Well, it's not my fault! This is what he said he wanted!"

I'll stand by this notion, the happiest hot wives have happy husbands! That means they KNOW what makes him happy and what makes him want to continue. That means they KNOW what he needs and WHY he needs it. That also means that they KNOW when he is unhappy and WHY. Even if a husband/bf craves the submission and having indignity heaped on him a wife can still fuck that up by using her power negligently. Power in the hands of the inexperienced or unprepared will always be accompanied by mistakes, mistakes that could be innocuous or devastating.

Like BB King said, "The thrill is gone! It's gone away for good!" An empowered wife can make that become true or she can figure out how to keep that thrill alive. Communication is one necessary component for sure. Communication alone isn't enough in my mind. It needs to be accompanied by TRUE "shared compersion". The wife needs to have as much compersion for her husband as does the husband. It doesn't matter how that happiness is manifested.

How can ANY wife/gf TRULY claim to be happy knowing FULL WELL that their husband/bf isn't? How can wife claim to be a true "loving wife" of a husband that does EVERYTHING in his power to make her happy and NOT want to do the same for him? I'm NOT talking about equality. I'm talking about KNOWING and WANTING what each other want and doing ALL they can to provide that for the most important person in their life because they are happiest when their partner is happy!

Ok but there are a few other things to consider. Our mind wants to put things/people into boxes I.e: good/bad, manly/feminin, positive/negative. When you meet a person our subconscious and life learnings do this whether we want to or not.

A woman who was attracted to, and married a certain package, who then finds that a lot of those attributes don't exist anymore is susceptible to change the way she feels about this person and view him in a new light. Then when you have another person who has the initial spark/chemistry, one on one time after sex to build emotional connection, the attraction and all of that..it's a dangerous game. The reasons to stay with old partner are far less than reasons to leave.

Anyway, I'm still new to this lifestyle and I'm learning about this crazy world.

[Protonius]

Dear All,.....

....And now I want you to help me, how I can bring it to the next level? Honestly for me it is extremly hot If I could make the year full with not a single PIV Sex.
Of course the hottest thing I can Imagine is, that she has her "first time" after this year with someone else, but this is very unlikely in our actual situation.
Should I just start having PIV Sex again? Or maybe try to give her good orgasms with toys?
How can I proceed?

There are a significant number of women who prefer being pleasured orally, to PIV sex. A lot don't want to admit it, because they don't want to seem like an unloving wife. But there are many women, if their husband quit asking for it, would be perfectly happy with oral, and a vibrator.

You could just try pleasuring her with your mouth, and encouraging her to use her vibrator. And then just fall asleep after she has an orgasm. Asking her for handjob then being unable to do intercourse, after she brings you to orgasm.

If she is one of those women who likes it, she will eventually ask you for it. Otherwise you might find that she becomes happy with out you asking for it.

You could tell her that you have a very strong fantasy for being teased and denied. Many of us have female dominant marriages, in which sex is entirely dictated by our wife.

Once a woman is given complete control over the marital sex life, and a husband lets her know that he is very excited to pleasure her with his mouth, and be rewarded for good performance with a handjob while being able to do things like worship her butt or feet, some women will happily go with this. They will ask for oral pleasure from you, then happily reward you with a handjob. You might find yourself completely denied of PIV sex.

If you suggest a hot wife fantasy, where she picks an old boyfriend, a workplace crush, or just makes up an imaginary lover, this can create a whole new scenario by which she denies you sex.

Now, instead of telling you that she has a headache or doesn't feel like it, she can say, "I'm really sorry honey, I'm sore down there from my time last night with Brad. His penis is so large that is always leaves me feeling a little sore down there. You know, it would actually feel a little soothing to have you use your mouth on me, down there. You could do that, and then I can make you come with my hand."

There are women who would be perfectly happy with this arrangement has something permanent.

I fully agree on that, and somehow this is already the case. She was very unsecure at the beginning, as she thought that not letting me have PIV it is not enough for me. But now after some time, she knows I am fully fine with that and she has even more pleasure as she has good orgasms which previously was not often the case...

But as mentioned next week she has her final check by the doc an then theretically we could have intercourse again. After nearly 1 year no PIV. Somehow I would really like to know how it "feals" again. But somehow it would drive me crazy if we and up having her pleasured by a big vibrator and me getting just a handjob. Sounds weird but I can not tell it different. Maybe somebody knows what I mean.

[mooncucky]

Our own true journey began shortly after the birth of our first child. While we had already tasted the lifestyle through the occasional trio prior to that, her very first solo adventure unfolded only after her initial pregnancy. I was deeply eager for her first intimate encounter following the birth to be with another man, though she felt somewhat hesitant. Consequently, we made love ourselves briefly after receiving the doctor's clearance. However, I am rather generously endowed, particularly in girth, which caused her a fair amount of discomfort post-childbirth. Following that single instance, she agreed to meet with a former lover from her younger years—someone she knew to be more modestly proportioned, yet certainly well-equipped enough to ensure pleasure. The encounter went beautifully and completely without pain, and that reassuring experience sparked her desire for further solo endeavors. For us, it proved to be the ideal catalyst to dive in wholeheartedly, though her previous experiences with other men had already paved the way and made the transition far less daunting.
My advice would be to speak with absolute candor, letting her know that her taking another man for that first post-pregnancy encounter adds an exquisite layer of excitement for you. Naturally, I am unsure of how familiar she already is with your desires, as it remains unclear how explicitly you have shared them with her. Given that she currently relies on toys rather than you, perhaps you could gently suggest that a living specimen of similar proportions might be even more delightful? It is merely a thought, of course. Above all, open communication is key.
I wish you the best of luck, and warm congratulations on the birth of your little one!

[Protonius]

Our own true journey began shortly after the birth of our first child. While we had already tasted the lifestyle through the occasional trio prior to that, her very first solo adventure unfolded only after her initial pregnancy. I was deeply eager for her first intimate encounter following the birth to be with another man, though she felt somewhat hesitant. Consequently, we made love ourselves briefly after receiving the doctor's clearance. However, I am rather generously endowed, particularly in girth, which caused her a fair amount of discomfort post-childbirth. Following that single instance, she agreed to meet with a former lover from her younger years—someone she knew to be more modestly proportioned, yet certainly well-equipped enough to ensure pleasure. The encounter went beautifully and completely without pain, and that reassuring experience sparked her desire for further solo endeavors. For us, it proved to be the ideal catalyst to dive in wholeheartedly, though her previous experiences with other men had already paved the way and made the transition far less daunting.
My advice would be to speak with absolute candor, letting her know that her taking another man for that first post-pregnancy encounter adds an exquisite layer of excitement for you. Naturally, I am unsure of how familiar she already is with your desires, as it remains unclear how explicitly you have shared them with her. Given that she currently relies on toys rather than you, perhaps you could gently suggest that a living specimen of similar proportions might be even more delightful? It is merely a thought, of course. Above all, open communication is key.
I wish you the best of luck, and warm congratulations on the birth of your little one!

Thank you for your wishes.
I think asking her directly for another man now after this quite emotional moment will be to fast.
But yes, maybe this is my chance also.
What was great, that she already asked if I was ready for it this week if the doc gives his ok, or if I need "help" from the toys. I for sure need help
Even If I really would have PIV I have to use a condom, as she does not want a UID that fast to give her body a break.

Lets see what happens, but good chances I stay without PIV sex, what really turns me on in some way.

But also I would be open for advices to bring it to the next level!?

[Protonius]

Update:
Doc gave green light but she wants to wait for the weekend to take our time.
Any ideas how I should proceed?