Adventurous wife, but still a wannabe

[twoshare_98]

Hey everyone, fellow wannabe here! I’ve already posted in the introductions, but I figured I’d post here as well.

My wife (27, 5’4”, curly brunette hair, hazel eyes, curvy, DD tits) and I have been together for eight years and married for four. She is very adventurous in the bedroom—she's submissive, loves being tied up, and enjoys reading smut. She’s done everything from fucking under a frozen waterfall, kayaking to a small island to fuck, using a hammock as a sex swing, skinny dipping, and riding naked in the passenger seat of the car.

I’ve wanted to share her for a couple of years now. I love the idea of her turning other men on and pleasing them. I want her to be the enjoyed by another man. I’m more interested in the Stag/Vixen lifestyle, as I’m not into the humiliation aspect.

About a year ago, I told her I wanted to share her. I was nervous, but she was glad I told her and mentioned it’s a common fantasy that could be hot. But she said she isn’t interested in being with another guy and just wants me. When I've brought it up since, she’s expressed concerns about safety, how to find the right person, and again, just wants me. I even suggested she anonymously flirt with guys on a video chat site, but she was concerned about privacy and safety.

Any suggestions on how to move forward from here?

[UKhusband26]

That’s not a bad start at all I’d say. You’ve planted the seed and she hasn’t got angry or run a mile. A little patience and tackling her specific concerns could reap rewards!

[twoshare_98]

That’s not a bad start at all I’d say. You’ve planted the seed and she hasn’t got angry or run a mile. A little patience and tackling her specific concerns could reap rewards!

Maybe only a pinch of angry! lol But nothing I can’t work with. Just gotta figure out how to tackle her concerns.

[Bloomincpl]

I’m more interested in the Stag/Vixen lifestyle, as I’m not into the humiliation aspect.
[...]
When I've brought it up since, she’s expressed concerns about safety, how to find the right person, and again, just wants me. I even suggested she anonymously flirt with guys on a video chat site, but she was concerned about privacy and safety.

Any suggestions on how to move forward from here?

Since you're not interested in being a cuckold, but instead stag/vixen, the safety issue can easily be addressed. If she never plays alone, and has sex with other men only when you're in the room, that addresses the physical safety issue. If she's concerned about the STD safety issue, that is a concern. It can be partially addressed by condoms. It can also be addressed by requiring would-be bulls to produce a valid, recent STD test. Some couples do this, and it makes sense. If the guy really wants to have sex with her, he'll jump through the hoop. It's not hard.

Finding the right person isn't really any more difficult than regular 'vanilla' dating. There's websites of course. There's also lifestyle meetups, and lifestyle oriented clubs. A woman finding a good bull (not just any guy, but a good one) can take some effort, but it's really no more effort than she had to go through to find you. The lack of knowledge of how can be intimidating. But, learning about dating in the lifestyle and putting in some effort will yield happy results. If she's as hot as you describe, this really won't be an issue at all.

If, as many women do, she has doubts about her physical beauty, you can always post photos of her (face blurred out of course) in "The Hotties" section, clothed or not.

As for the "just wants me" concern; that one has no easy answer. Some wives come around to the idea over time, and eventually embrace it fully. Some wives never come around to it, but enjoy the fantasy aspect of it if not ever venturing into reality. There can be plenty of reasons why a wife would want only to ever have sex with her husband. I would (gently, I might add) explore this carefully with her. Try to see where her concerns about wanting only to be with you lie. Let her talk. Don't judge, don't be sarcastic, or in any other way present anything other than a listening, attentive husband who will accept her thoughts. This is crucial. It takes a deep level of trust to delve deep into a person's heart and soul and truly learn the innermost feelings.

To give just the beginning list of why she might just want you...

• Afraid of STDs
• Afraid of impact on your relationship
• Afraid of falling in love with someone
• Afraid of her own reaction, and upending her sense of balance in life
• Afraid that it might lead to you wanting to have sex with other women, and she can't handle that
• Afraid you might get jealous and react poorly, even if you say you won't
• Afraid of being viewed as a slut, even if only by you
• Caught up heavily in societal norms of monogamy
• Afraid of being discovered

And on and on and on. There can be lots of reasons.

[twoshare_98]

To give just the beginning list of why she might just want you...

• Afraid of STDs
• Afraid of impact on your relationship
• Afraid of falling in love with someone
• Afraid of her own reaction, and upending her sense of balance in life
• Afraid that it might lead to you wanting to have sex with other women, and she can't handle that
• Afraid you might get jealous and react poorly, even if you say you won't
• Afraid of being viewed as a slut, even if only by you
• Caught up heavily in societal norms of monogamy
• Afraid of being discovered

And on and on and on. There can be lots of reasons.

Thanks Bloomincpl for all the insight! I will plan to very gently figure out what is going through my wife’s head. Based on my understanding of her and our relationship, I think her main reasons for only wanting me could be upending her sense of balance, societal norms, and afraid of being discovered. BUT I won’t actually know until we talk about it.

[okguy280]

As for the "just wants me" concern; that one has no easy answer. Some wives come around to the idea over time, and eventually embrace it fully. Some wives never come around to it, but enjoy the fantasy aspect of it if not ever venturing into reality. There can be plenty of reasons why a wife would want only to ever have sex with her husband. I would (gently, I might add) explore this carefully with her. Try to see where her concerns about wanting only to be with you lie. Let her talk. Don't judge, don't be sarcastic, or in any other way present anything other than a listening, attentive husband who will accept her thoughts. This is crucial. It takes a deep level of trust to delve deep into a person's heart and soul and truly learn the innermost feelings.

To give just the beginning list of why she might just want you...

• Afraid of STDs
• Afraid of impact on your relationship
• Afraid of falling in love with someone
• Afraid of her own reaction, and upending her sense of balance in life
• Afraid that it might lead to you wanting to have sex with other women, and she can't handle that
• Afraid you might get jealous and react poorly, even if you say you won't
• Afraid of being viewed as a slut, even if only by you
• Caught up heavily in societal norms of monogamy
• Afraid of being discovered

Bloomincpl, this seems like great advice for the wannabe. I have struggled to maintain momentum beyond a fantasy stage. For example, the weekend before last, I tried to reiterate desires, question her about fantasies, etc. and just felt I hit the brick wall that it won't progress beyond a fantasy stage anytime soon (she left a crack in the door mentioning perhaps after the kids are out of the house). We just got back from a vacation in NYC and there were multiple times when she was in a rather close physical proximity to a better-looking male and I had dirty thoughts about it, but haven't shared them with her following that conversation. Instead, I stupidly pointed out the high concentration of attractive women in Manhattan, which likely triggers the number 5 on this list. I probably need to implement an approach per your response to possibly change the recent slide.

[Bloomincpl]

Bloomincpl, this seems like great advice for the wannabe. I have struggled to maintain momentum beyond a fantasy stage. For example, the weekend before last, I tried to reiterate desires, question her about fantasies, etc. and just felt I hit the brick wall that it won't progress beyond a fantasy stage anytime soon (she left a crack in the door mentioning perhaps after the kids are out of the house). We just got back from a vacation in NYC and there were multiple times when she was in a rather close physical proximity to a better-looking male and I had dirty thoughts about it, but haven't shared them with her following that conversation. Instead, I stupidly pointed out the high concentration of attractive women in Manhattan, which likely triggers the number 5 on this list. I probably need to implement an approach per your response to possibly change the recent slide.

Yeah that was a pretty bonehead move

If you want to be a husband to a hotwife, drop any considerations of having sex with other women. Women fear their husbands cheating, and rightfully so. Hard numbers are difficult to come by, but depending on the source anywhere from 1/5th to 1/3rd of all men cheat. In my opinion, one of the key factors for a woman to be able to feel like she can have sex with another man outside of her marriage with consent is to feel completely loved, totally trusted, and likewise she can trust her man. When a husband pulls a dumb move like you did, ... well, you're got a longer road to go. Sorry

On the idea of waiting until the kids are out of the house; just not a good idea. Before my wife and I started having sex with others, we considered doing some skinny dipping at a nearby lake. This was early on in our marriage. She didn't really like the idea that much. It was fun to consider, but she was worried about discovery, etc. She said, "Maybe when we retire!". Well, that (at that point) was 30+ years in the future. Wait? Life is short. It really is. It will just blow by you and you get to the end realizing how much stuff you DIDN'T do. If you don't live life, then why are you here? Not that you have to have sex with others outside of your marriage to 'live life', but putting something off until the kids leave home? That's just a non-starter. It's not a reason. There's other reasons at play. I wouldn't suggest forcing the issue, but kids at home isn't a reason. It's an absolutely stellar reason to not have sex with someone at home, who is not your husband, while the kids are home. Just don't have sex with another man at home. I still have one kid at home. My wife has had sex with other men out side our marriage well over a hundred times by now. Probably over 200. Only a small handful of those have been here at home (when it was guaranteed the kids wouldn't suddenly walk in).

I don't have any magic answers for how to make anyone's situation work. I know how things work with my wife. I can tell you this; never in a million years did I ever think I'd get to enjoy the sight of my wife thoroughly enjoying another man having sex with her. Before we got together, I was briefly involved in a poly triad. I was friends with the wife and the husband, and he was quite happy for me to be having sex with his wife. When I told my (now) wife about this as we shared our relationships past, she was horrified. She said that wife was cheating on her husband, and I said it wasn't cheating if it was all 100% consensual (which, of course, it was). She refused to agree, and said it was never going to happen with us. That was ok with me. I was very happy for us to be monogamous forever. Rarely the subject would come up just in passing, but not because I brought it up or suggested it. She was always 100% unchanged in her opinion, and that was ok with me. Then one day 7 years into our marriage...we were in bed and she said she could imagine having two men massaging her at once (she loves massage). I was dumbfounded. Floored. Completely astonished! Fast forward eight months, and she's having toe curling sex with a man with whom she just couldn't get enough sex.

How we got there was a very deep level of communication. No judgment, just acceptance. Lots and lots and lots of discussion in a mutually safe and trusting relationship.

So yes, it can happen. All you can do is open doors, be supportive, help her become the woman she desires to be...which may be something she doesn't fully understand herself yet. My wife always knew she loved sex. She didn't know just how powerful that engine was inside of her. It's a journey of discovery with both of you. Even if it never gets to the point where she's having sex with another man, the journey is still worth it!

[leggysman]

Great post, Bloomincpl

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

Great post, Bloomincpl

I love the new like button.

[Knightryder701]

My wife has known my desire to join our sex life with others. She has no trouble play acting fucking other men. We use dildos and vibrators as substitutes for the real thing. She is highly sexed and multi orgasmic. But she doesn’t think I will be able to see her fucking and sucking someone else. She insists I am all the man she wants like many wannabe wives. I have serious doubts. The evidence of her infidelities over the years is pretty overwhelming. She is more willing to compartmentalize her sexuality with the good wife reserved for me. I think it’s her Catholic upbringing kicking in. There are just some cultural imprints that can’t be overcome. Still i try.

[okguy280]

Yeah that was a pretty bonehead move

Thanks for the lengthy reply, advice, and insight into your own experience Bloomincpl. I know it was a stupid move. I thought if I mentioned the several hot women I saw that maybe she'd mention something about the hot guys she saw. Instead she described to me about some hot woman who looked like a model in the bathroom (my wife is not bi/lesbian). In retrospect, I should have pivoted to asking if she noticed any hot guys instead. I may have to try asking her that soon. But it didn't take long for me to realize last night that I shouldn't have said anything. I know her well enough that she doesn't want to share me now like I want to share her.

Today was our first full day back after vacation. After work, she actually hit the gym and lifted with me. She has not done that with me in at least two years. Her primary love language is words of affirmation and I've been laying that on real thick since then.

[UKhusband26]

Agree - no mention of finding other women attractive. Aside from reassurance to your wife that she’s the ONLY woman for you (taking any worries off the table), you are also handing her the power dynamic -> she gets to play around, you are dutifully and 100% loyally waiting at home / watching and eager to be of service in any way you can.

[twoshare_98]

Little update on my sharing my wife fantasy. A week ago she read a book(smut) I bought her about wife sharing. She put on some purple lingerie with a matching thong that she looks amazing in and she was in one of her submissive moods.

So I asked her if she would be okay with doing some role playing, and she said “yes sir.” So our dildo became my friend “Derek” and he was just coming over to hang out. I made a few comments like “I noticed he always checks you out” and “I know you like the attention”. But he ended up seeing her in her outfit and then we took turns fucking her. With one of the times I fucked her pussy with the dildo while she gave me a handjob. He came on her ass “because only my husband is allowed to fill my pussy” and I creampied her. I then used the spreader bar on her legs and made her orgasm with the vibrator.

It was lots of fun and so fucking hot! It was a little awkward with the dildo not being able to talk or reply or anything . But we still made it work, I’m open to suggestions on how to make roleplay like this better. I don’t think we will do Hotwife roleplay every time we fuck, but I hope we can do it occasionally.

[Tryn]

Something helps my wife get into the fantasy play is showing her a picture of a guy that will be with us. I have found Reddit is the easiest place to find pics for this. Second, blindfold your wife so she can move easily be in fantasy land. Third, I tell her what he thinks (he thinks your body is incredible, he loves your bald pussy, etc.), and what he wants (he wants to watch you suck my cock, he wants to fuck you while you suck me, he wants you from behind, etc.). Fourth, I ask her questions about him (do you want to feel how hard he is for you, do want to stroke his cock, do you like him watching you suck my cock, etc). Lastly, I ask her to tell him what she wants (tell him when you’re ready for him to slide into you, tell how deep, tell how his cock feels inside you, tell him where you want his cum, etc.). Eventually, I start fucking my wife and tell her how hot she looked, how her pussy feels after another guy, how much he likes watching her now, etc.