From Cuckold Back to Wannabe

[mooncucky]

Perhaps it seems strange for me to resurface here in the 'Wannabe' forum, given that my wife first surrendered herself to another man twelve years ago, just a year after we were married. Since then, the men in her life have far outnumbered what one could count on two hands. In fact, over our thirteen years of marriage, she has shared far more passion with other men than with me, largely due to a man she met a year after that initial foray.

Intimacy with him was nothing short of a revelation for her. Within a year, all other lovers faded into the background, leaving only him. Thus, after two years of exploring diverse partners in the lifestyle, her desires converged entirely on this one individual. For clarity, let us call him Davis, and my wife Fanny.

What grew between Fanny and Davis soon transcended mere physical pleasure. When we decided to expand our family a year later, having already been blessed with a daughter, she couldn't bear the thought of pausing her encounters with Davis. At first, he jokingly suggested that he could simply impregnate her himself, as he preferred not to use protection. What began as jest quickly dissolved into a serious conversation: why not, after all? Physically, he bore a subtle resemblance to me, and neither of them wanted anything more than to continue their intoxicatingly frequent passion. We agreed that should he father the child, I would step into the role of father completely, while he would claim no paternal rights.

Before long, I noticed that my wife reserved her intimacy with me strictly for her least fertile days, while saving her peak fertility for him. Deep down, she yearned to carry his child. Though she initially denied it when I confronted her, she gradually withdrew sexually from me, making it undeniably clear that he was to father her second child. After eight months of trying, she conceived, and nine months later, she gave birth to their child.

Bearing his child altered something fundamental within her. Her feelings deepened, transforming what had been a passionate connection into a profound, consuming love, one that meant just as much to her as her relationship with me, her husband and the father of her firstborn. As a submissive cuckold, I adapted, granting her all the devotion and freedom she required.

More than once, she contemplated leaving me to build a life solely with him, a step he desperately desired. By then, he had already left his own wife and spoke openly of marriage, yet something held her back: the deep bond of our marriage that she simply could not sever. Ultimately, their connection shattered over this very impasse, as he refused to share her any longer and she refused to abandon me.

That was two years ago, and she has been in mourning ever since. Neither I nor other men seem to evoke much desire in her anymore, though she never completely seals the door to the past. Just this past weekend, she took the initiative to intimate sex herself, something that had rested entirely on my shoulders for years. Yet, while I was fully aroused, reaching climax proved remarkably elusive. Over time, I have become dependent on the erotic thrill of hotwifing and cuckoldry to cross that threshold.

She made it explicitly clear that she does not want my mind wandering into cuckold fantasies when we are together. She feels we ought to be capable of pure intimacy without it. She is not wrong, of course, but it poses a profound struggle for me, especially since she can instantly sense whenever I slip into 'cuckspace'.

I realize that if I ever hope to see her embrace other men again, I must first restore harmony and natural balance to our own intimate life. Yet I am at a complete loss as to how to achieve this, and that uncertainty renders me, once again, a wannabe.

[MartasBoy]

Perhaps it seems strange for me to resurface here in the 'Wannabe' forum, ......

She made it explicitly clear that she does not want my mind wandering into cuckold fantasies when we are together. She feels we ought to be capable of pure intimacy without it. She is not wrong, of course, but it poses a profound struggle for me, especially since she can instantly sense whenever I slip into 'cuckspace'.

I realize that if I ever hope to see her embrace other men again, I must first restore harmony and natural balance to our own intimate life. Yet I am at a complete loss as to how to achieve this, and that uncertainty renders me, once again, a wannabe.

Welcome back.

This is difficult and I have advised a number of people on how to overcome this block due to fantasy fixation. You have to do a whole process that is called Arousal Reconditioning.

You can start by obtaining non-kink pictures of your wife, in which you find her attractive and sexy. Create one or two vanilla fantasies focusing on those photos. Make those non-kink photos and vanilla fantasies, the only fantasies you focus on. You have to use these photos and Fantasies to replace kink and pornography.

Or, you can ask your wife if she will do some more vanilla like fantasy role plays with you that are based in some past reality focusing romantically on her. It can be a role-play in which you pretend like it's your first time together, or one or both of you are virgins engaging for the first time.

My wife loves one role play We do, in which we imagine that she is someone who has sexual experience, but I am a virgin, and she is guiding me on how to be the perfect lover to meet her needs. She loves being able to call all the shots in bed, as she guides me through my "first time" making love to a woman. This role play allows us to pretend like I know nothing, and I'm starting completely from scratch sexually and sensually. She tells me exactly how she likes to be touched, where she likes to be touched, and she controls the rate of progression through our lovemaking. This allows her to not feel guilty about giving me detailed instructions on exactly how to pleasure her with my mouth, the thing that is her favorite.

This is one fantasy role play my wife accepts and still finds very romantic, because we are being our true selves, and the only unrealistic part we are fantasizing, is that I am inexperienced, need her guidance.

[mooncucky]

Hello Martasboy, thank you so much for your prompt reply. That is actually remarkably wise advice. Hard as it may be at times, I need to focus exclusively on vanilla intimacy even while masturbating, effectively resetting my mindset, so to speak. While she is not particularly fond of roleplay, she does enjoy the right kind of delicate dirty talk.
I also sincerely hope that my inability to reach climax last weekend will not deter her from initiating intimacy again. When I did not finish quickly enough, I could sense her disappointment. I had to reassure her repeatedly that she was not to blame, as her immediate reaction was to fear I no longer found her attractive. In truth, she is a breathtaking woman—slender, with firm breasts and a beautifully toned bottom. My difficulty in climaxing was entirely my own doing.

[mooncucky]

A brief update regarding where things stand.

She hasn’t initiated any intimacy since the incident, though to be fair, work was relentless for both of us this past week, leaving precious little time for just the two of us. Even so, I feel our emotional connection growing stronger again, which gives me renewed hope for another opportunity in the near future.

I'm doing my best to follow the advice to indulge only in memories of our vanilla encounters, and it seems to be bearing fruit. Reaching climax with those thoughts in mind is becoming somewhat easier, though I certainly still have a way to go.

[coastalkid]

When I think about your situation and others like yours it bothers me. You often read about a husband that pulls the rug from under the situation and how frustrated (and sometimes flat out mean) a wife becomes from that. Yet in your situation it was Davis that forced the choice on your wife. He pulled the rug out from under her, not you. You did everything right and still have to deal with the fallout from your wife's experience.

As to the child, I'm certain they are a blessing but also a constant reminder of him. I can only imagine that will slow the process of your wife returning to "her old self". I'm sure she battles back and forth between the fun she had and way she got burned playing that game. It's hard to stop yourself from over analyzing your problems. It's gonna take time and patience. I hope things get turned around for you.

[mooncucky]

Thanks, coastalkid, for your reply. It’s entirely true that Davis is the root cause of her fallout, and it falls squarely on my shoulders to bear the weight of the aftermath, while he simply moved on with his life and replaced her with a younger woman.

Their child is indeed a constant reminder of it all. She loves him to pieces, yet she sees so much of Davis in him, which occasionally triggers spontaneous breakdowns.

A small update regarding our intimacy: yesterday, she expressed a desire for more physical closeness between us. To me, that feels like a genuinely promising sign on her part.

[coastalkid]

Thanks, coastalkid, for your reply. It’s entirely true that Davis is the root cause of her fallout, and it falls squarely on my shoulders to bear the weight of the aftermath, while he simply moved on with his life and replaced her with a younger woman.

Their child is indeed a constant reminder of it all. She loves him to pieces, yet she sees so much of Davis in him, which occasionally triggers spontaneous breakdowns.

A small update regarding our intimacy: yesterday, she expressed a desire for more physical closeness between us. To me, that feels like a genuinely promising sign on her part.

What did she say exactly regarding wanting more physical closeness between you two? I wonder what prompted her to say that? Do you think she's done some serious reflecting on how things went with Davis? What has your "physical closeness" been like since Davis moved on?

When I read that wives state (or when husbands relay the info) that they NEED an emotional connection to enjoy their experience I realize they are only interested in the GOOD part of the emotions. They obviously don't want the negative part. Who would? It almost seems like they ignore the possibility of the negative. But when the negative comes around, their world (and yours by default) comes crashing down it is a horrible mess. Spontaneous breakdowns, reluctance, disinterest, apathy, uninspired and perpetually teary eyed shows that they REALLY only want the positive part and have NO idea how to cope with the negative.

I usually try to be understanding and save my judgement. In this case and cases like this where the husband did everything right and he suffers from the results of something he had no significant role in is BULLSHIT! Wives may want and need the emotional connection. That doesn't mean they are capable of handling those emotions. Some wives don't have what it takes to be a hot wife. That's no different than the men that can't handle being the husband of a hot wife.

[mooncucky]

She was holding me tight, embracing me as she confessed her deep need for more physical intimacy. She didn’t mention Davis at all, and from what I can sense, she seems to be gradually letting go of that chapter over the last few months. That, I believe, is precisely why she is starting to open herself up to me once again.

Ever since the breakup with Davis, we still shared intimate moments now and then, but those encounters often seemed to remind her of him. It brought back a lot of pain, which left our sexual relationship rather limited during that period. Whenever we did make love, it was always on my initiative. So, a few weeks ago, when she took the lead, it was the first time in a very long time that the spark came entirely from her.

I completely understand what you mean regarding the weight of emotions, and she undoubtedly underestimated their power. I should mention, however, that she didn't originally feel an emotional connection was necessary to enjoy sex with another man. She had engaged in casual encounters multiple times without any deeper feelings attached. In the beginning, there was no such connection with Davis either. Yet through the continuous intimacy, a bond naturally blossomed. Looking back, that was the exact moment we should have called things off, back when it was still just an innocent crush.

Should she ever decide to venture out again, that is a lesson we learned the hard way. For her at least, emotional connections will be an absolute boundary in the future. You are entirely right that people, my wife included, eagerly leap at the intoxicating highs of positive emotions, yet find themselves ill-equipped to handle the inevitable darker moments when adversity strikes, completely failing to anticipate the emotional toll while blinded by the thrill.

[coastalkid]

She was holding me tight, embracing me as she confessed her deep need for more physical intimacy. She didn’t mention Davis at all, and from what I can sense, she seems to be gradually letting go of that chapter over the last few months. That, I believe, is precisely why she is starting to open herself up to me once again.

Ever since the breakup with Davis, we still shared intimate moments now and then, but those encounters often seemed to remind her of him. It brought back a lot of pain, which left our sexual relationship rather limited during that period. Whenever we did make love, it was always on my initiative. So, a few weeks ago, when she took the lead, it was the first time in a very long time that the spark came entirely from her.

I completely understand what you mean regarding the weight of emotions, and she undoubtedly underestimated their power. I should mention, however, that she didn't originally feel an emotional connection was necessary to enjoy sex with another man. She had engaged in casual encounters multiple times without any deeper feelings attached. In the beginning, there was no such connection with Davis either. Yet through the continuous intimacy, a bond naturally blossomed. Looking back, that was the exact moment we should have called things off, back when it was still just an innocent crush.

Should she ever decide to venture out again, that is a lesson we learned the hard way. For her at least, emotional connections will be an absolute boundary in the future. You are entirely right that people, my wife included, eagerly leap at the intoxicating highs of positive emotions, yet find themselves ill-equipped to handle the inevitable darker moments when adversity strikes, completely failing to anticipate the emotional toll while blinded by the thrill.

I hope you get another opportunity to experience it again! It would great to "right the ship" and have a mutually satisfactory experience. There's still a lot of fun that YOU hope to have for YOURSELF in this.

It's tough. You often read about wives being reluctant to restart things when they feel older and not as attractive. Some wives can overlook those things because it was SO much fun, others call it done because the combination of a so so experience and insecurities from age. I hope YOU get a shot at whatever it is that you want experience. It sounds like you have a better shot at it than most.

Is Davis long gone at this point?

[mooncucky]

In my heart, I still believe it is entirely possible, though it will inevitably depend on the finer details. Getting into the right frame of mind, crossing paths with the right people, everything will simply have to fall into place. Yet there is undeniably still hope, and enough encouraging signs to ensure we do not lose heart.

David cast her aside nearly two and a half years ago. That first year was tempestuous, the second came in waves, and over these past six months I can scarcely recall any painful moments, except for their child's birthday.