Getting somewhere!! Thoughts? Suggestions?

[Dc51614]

First post disappeared so here’s a recap.

I think we’re getting somewhere!! (So excited trying to slow down)

Me - 39m wife - 44f - married 12 years together 15. Full time jobs, kids and busy life.

A couple years ago sex slowed down drastically. I was bitter and upset that I always initiated and she was cold towards it. I discovered tease and denial after a ton of research and decided to totally give up porn / masturbation (which I’ve had a problem with in the past) and denied myself. My sexual energy skyrocketed and suddenly all I wanted to do was please her. I was always a giver, loved seeing her pleased, so it felt natural and exciting. This improved our relationship, however she was skeptical towards the new courting and wanting to do anything to please her! Ultimately these feeling never went away and she’s definitely seen the benefits first hand and enjoys me serving and empowering her.

This progressed into telling her about a fantasy about seeing her with another man and she immediately shot it down saying I have you, and we are married can’t do that. Now I’ll say, she has quite a strong sexual past when she was younger. Going out a lot, making out with a girl, going to male strip club and ending with her and a friend bringing two male strippers back to a hotel room … so I know it’s inside her, somewhere deep under years of being a mom and wife. Shes always been the type to see someone out in public or on tv and she “there hot, or id do her/him”.

Through the next couple years I would bring up hints, we would talk about her ex lovers, sexy people in public, went to a resort and she saw a sexy male dancer she talks about to this day - we call him “1997” since he had that tattooed across his chest. We would also joke about her drinking a wine called “Josh” and we would say things like “just you and Josh tonight again huh” or “enjoying Josh again?”

Recently, she continued to feel the weight of being just a mom, wife and working from home since Covid. She’s also been on a health journey and wants to be “sexy as hell” and had felt hotter than she ever has. I recently encouraged her to take a job as a server (wanted to be a bar tender but only had serving experience) which she’s been working Thursday -sat to get out of the house and make a little extra cash. I encourage her to flirt and she always laughs and we have fun with it.

Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I had to tell her of my fantasy of watching her with another man. She took it surprisingly well and just smiling and found it very “interesting”.

Two nights ago I left her with some articles on the topic about Hotwifing, female empowerment, and how woman’s desire changed in their 40s. She read them.

Tonight we talked about them!! She said they were very interesting and some she agreed with and others were scary to think about. She said she thinks she would have no problem kissing say another woman, because it would be easy, playful and somthing she could do that I would enjoy. She then said if she fucked another man, she would feel like cheating and thinks she would be in her head to much and worried about me, and how I would truly feel. We ended the conversation in a happy good place with her saying, it’s not a “yes” or a “no” I’m somwhere in the middle of what I think about all this.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m so fucking excited, but trying to slow down and not rush things. I asked if she would go to a sex club and just people watch and she said yes probably but wouldn’t want it to consume a weekend away or feel a ton of pressure. Thinking of booking a long weekend away in Toronto Canada and maybe visiting oasis aqualounge…. Anyone ever been?? …and just watching.

Any other recommendations? Do we slow it down even further and just do something online first?

Open for suggestions! Sorry it was so long! It’s a “maybe” and that makes me so happy!

[UKhusband26]

Nice account - and decent progress I’d say. You’ve broached the topic (always tough) and have moved from a “no way”! to a “maybe”. I reckon keep the topic live without unduly pressurizing her.

[Alphabull56]

First post disappeared so here’s a recap.

I think we’re getting somewhere!! (So excited trying to slow down)

Me - 39m wife - 44f - married 12 years together 15. Full time jobs, kids and busy life.

A couple years ago sex slowed down drastically. I was bitter and upset that I always initiated and she was cold towards it. I discovered tease and denial after a ton of research and decided to totally give up porn / masturbation (which I’ve had a problem with in the past) and denied myself. My sexual energy skyrocketed and suddenly all I wanted to do was please her. I was always a giver, loved seeing her pleased, so it felt natural and exciting. This improved our relationship, however she was skeptical towards the new courting and wanting to do anything to please her! Ultimately these feeling never went away and she’s definitely seen the benefits first hand and enjoys me serving and empowering her.

This progressed into telling her about a fantasy about seeing her with another man and she immediately shot it down saying I have you, and we are married can’t do that. Now I’ll say, she has quite a strong sexual past when she was younger. Going out a lot, making out with a girl, going to male strip club and ending with her and a friend bringing two male strippers back to a hotel room … so I know it’s inside her, somewhere deep under years of being a mom and wife. Shes always been the type to see someone out in public or on tv and she “there hot, or id do her/him”.

Through the next couple years I would bring up hints, we would talk about her ex lovers, sexy people in public, went to a resort and she saw a sexy male dancer she talks about to this day - we call him “1997” since he had that tattooed across his chest. We would also joke about her drinking a wine called “Josh” and we would say things like “just you and Josh tonight again huh” or “enjoying Josh again?”

Recently, she continued to feel the weight of being just a mom, wife and working from home since Covid. She’s also been on a health journey and wants to be “sexy as hell” and had felt hotter than she ever has. I recently encouraged her to take a job as a server (wanted to be a bar tender but only had serving experience) which she’s been working Thursday -sat to get out of the house and make a little extra cash. I encourage her to flirt and she always laughs and we have fun with it.

Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I had to tell her of my fantasy of watching her with another man. She took it surprisingly well and just smiling and found it very “interesting”.

Two nights ago I left her with some articles on the topic about Hotwifing, female empowerment, and how woman’s desire changed in their 40s. She read them.

Tonight we talked about them!! She said they were very interesting and some she agreed with and others were scary to think about. She said she thinks she would have no problem kissing say another woman, because it would be easy, playful and somthing she could do that I would enjoy. She then said if she fucked another man, she would feel like cheating and thinks she would be in her head to much and worried about me, and how I would truly feel. We ended the conversation in a happy good place with her saying, it’s not a “yes” or a “no” I’m somwhere in the middle of what I think about all this.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m so fucking excited, but trying to slow down and not rush things. I asked if she would go to a sex club and just people watch and she said yes probably but wouldn’t want it to consume a weekend away or feel a ton of pressure. Thinking of booking a long weekend away in Toronto Canada and maybe visiting oasis aqualounge…. Anyone ever been?? …and just watching.

Any other recommendations? Do we slow it down even further and just do something online first?

Open for suggestions! Sorry it was so long! It’s a “maybe” and that makes me so happy!

From a bull's perspective, these are encouraging signs. She has progressed from 'can't do that' to a 'maybe.' I advise you to build the tempo and encourage her to read more articles on the hotwife topic. Start indulging in her roleplays, and you never know where it might lead."

[2wheel]

From a hotwife husbands perspective, these are encouraging signs. She has progressed from 'can't do that' to a 'maybe.' I advise you to make sure you are in control of your jealousy mechanism. Once she has been fucked by another man she can't be unfucked. Each time you look at her you will remember, the jealousy will be there forever and manifest itself in negative ways including anger.

I made sure to permanently check and bury my jealousy.

[Alphabull56]

From a hotwife husbands perspective, these are encouraging signs. She has progressed from 'can't do that' to a 'maybe.' I advise you to make sure you are in control of your jealousy mechanism. Once she has been fucked by another man she can't be unfucked. Each time you look at her you will remember, the jealousy will be there forever and manifest itself in negative ways including anger.

I made sure to permanently check and bury my jealousy.

The best way to do so is to surrender all power, control, and authority over your wife to her new lover. Power dynamics play an important role in any cuckold relationship. Jealousy, anger, helplessness, and humiliation are some of the emotions a cuckold experiences.

[Dc51614]

Thanks all!! I will slow it down and go forward with role play, articles, and continuing to talk about it without pressure!

[Swingpaul]

You have approached it in the right manner. It is a fine line between being pushy and letting her go at her own speed. Open and honest communication is best especially as you and her will have some seemingly conflictive feelings e.g jealousy and lust, be supportive and understanding and express to her your desires whilst also considering the consequences. Start slow and steady , good luck on your journey

[Dc51614]

You have approached it in the right manner. It is a fine line between being pushy and letting her go at her own speed. Open and honest communication is best especially as you and her will have some seemingly conflictive feelings e.g jealousy and lust, be supportive and understanding and express to her your desires whilst also considering the consequences. Start slow and steady , good luck on your journey

Thanks swingpaul! I appreciate you taking the time to give advice!

[Alphabull56]

Thanks all!! I will slow it down and go forward with role play, articles, and continuing to talk about it without pressure!

My best wishes

[MartasBoy]

First post disappeared so here’s a recap.

I think we’re getting somewhere!! (So excited trying to slow down)

Me - 39m wife - 44f - married 12 years together 15. Full time jobs, kids and busy life.

A couple years ago sex slowed down drastically. I was bitter and upset that I always initiated and she was cold towards it. I
.
........................

Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I had to tell her of my fantasy of watching her with another man. She took it surprisingly well and just smiling and found it very “interesting”.
.........................
Two nights ago I left her with some articles on the topic about Hotwifing, female empowerment, and how woman’s desire changed in their 40s. She read them.

Tonight we talked about them!! She said they were very interesting and some she agreed with and others were scary to think about. She said she thinks she would have no problem kissing say another woman, because it would be easy, playful and somthing she could do that I would enjoy. She then said if she fucked another man, she would feel like cheating and thinks she would be in her head to much and worried about me, and how I would truly feel. We ended the conversation in a happy good place with her saying, it’s not a “yes” or a “no” I’m somwhere in the middle of what I think about all this.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m so fucking excited, but trying to slow down and not rush things. I asked if she would go to a sex club and just people watch and she said yes probably but wouldn’t want it to consume a weekend away or feel a ton of pressure. Thinking of booking a long weekend away in Toronto Canada and maybe visiting oasis aqualounge…. Anyone ever been?? …and just watching.

Any other recommendations? Do we slow it down even further and just do something online first?

Open for suggestions! Sorry it was so long! It’s a “maybe” and that makes me so happy!

See if she will do a bedroom role play, pretending to tell you about her last night with her imaginary lover.


My wife also claimed that it didn't interest her and she was perfectly happy with our sex life. But when I got her to try a role play, she was surprised at how turned on she got. She could not deny that it turned her on.

[Dc51614]

First post disappeared so here’s a recap.

I think we’re getting somewhere!! (So excited trying to slow down)

Me - 39m wife - 44f - married 12 years together 15. Full time jobs, kids and busy life.

A couple years ago sex slowed down drastically. I was bitter and upset that I always initiated and she was cold towards it. I
.
........................

Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I had to tell her of my fantasy of watching her with another man. She took it surprisingly well and just smiling and found it very “interesting”.
.........................
Two nights ago I left her with some articles on the topic about Hotwifing, female empowerment, and how woman’s desire changed in their 40s. She read them.

Tonight we talked about them!! She said they were very interesting and some she agreed with and others were scary to think about. She said she thinks she would have no problem kissing say another woman, because it would be easy, playful and somthing she could do that I would enjoy. She then said if she fucked another man, she would feel like cheating and thinks she would be in her head to much and worried about me, and how I would truly feel. We ended the conversation in a happy good place with her saying, it’s not a “yes” or a “no” I’m somwhere in the middle of what I think about all this.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m so fucking excited, but trying to slow down and not rush things. I asked if she would go to a sex club and just people watch and she said yes probably but wouldn’t want it to consume a weekend away or feel a ton of pressure. Thinking of booking a long weekend away in Toronto Canada and maybe visiting oasis aqualounge…. Anyone ever been?? …and just watching.

Any other recommendations? Do we slow it down even further and just do something online first?

Open for suggestions! Sorry it was so long! It’s a “maybe” and that makes me so happy!

See if she will do a bedroom role play, pretending to tell you about her last night with her imaginary lover.


My wife also claimed that it didn't interest her and she was perfectly happy with our sex life. But when I got her to try a role play, she was surprised at how turned on she got. She could not deny that it turned her on.

Thanks Martasboy!! Great idea!

[Shiphead]

Im wondering if you have told her that you don't want another woman, you just want to be part of seeing her really satisfied. That you get off watching her orgasms. You need her to know it's all about her. Compersion.
Is that what you are looking for or do you want it to be something else like swinging?
I just loved watching my wife getting fucked and having multiple orgasms. Just the thought of it made me so excited for her and us.

[Dc51614]

Im wondering if you have told her that you don't want another woman, you just want to be part of seeing her really satisfied. That you get off watching her orgasms. You need her to know it's all about her. Compersion.
Is that what you are looking for or do you want it to be something else like swinging?
I just loved watching my wife getting fucked and having multiple orgasms. Just the thought of it made me so excited for her and us.

Shiphead, thanks for the comment. Yes, I recently told her all about compersion! I get extreme joy out of seeing her pleased, and satisfied! So the thought of it gets me super excited as well!

[Dc51614]

We’ve been having a blast flirting and talking about her past sexual encounters. She was a little wild in her college years and it’s been fascinating hearing about it. Makes me smile ear to ear. I tell her it’s an amazing glimpse into the sexy side inside of her that’s been shut off since being a mom and wife. She has big smiles when talking about it and will often make a few comments saying “maybe I had so much sex when younger that I don’t need anything crazy now” with a big smile.

Tonight after getting tired she began saying she’s getting worried all these stories lately are going to give me false hopes, and that’s her past. I could tell she was beginning to worry a little.

I immediately told her I love her no matter what and love hearing the stories, but there is no pressure. I told her I’d love her weather we only ever talked about it or whatever happened.

Ever since she said “maybe” to hotwifing I’ve been extremely excited… but I will take all of your advice and try to slow down! Since I’ve been talking about it daily since it may be too much for her.

Slow and steady wins the race with this thing I guess!

[2wheel]

Each woman is different. I badgered my late wife until she gave in to shut me up. My current GF only took a few chats.

[allways]

Ever since she said “maybe” to hotwifing I’ve been extremely excited… but I will take all of your advice and try to slow down! Since I’ve been talking about it daily since it may be too much for her.

Slow and steady wins the race with this thing I guess!

Your progress in getting your wife to realise you really want her to do this and your statements about loving her regardless has passed the first hurdle.

Believe it or not the real hurdle is finding the right man that not only she is genuinely attracted to but more importantly will not ghost her.

For a significant number of women who play the emotional aspect is as important as the sex and that is why you would in the interm best to figure out what spins your wife's wheels when having the fun of checking out other guys.

In our case that ended up in being just one guy that lasted decades. He was in a stable relationship and was never a threat to our marriage. I knew this from the start and the bonus was he'd had a vasectomy. That made the sex even more intimate but it also really scared my wife because initially she was so into him it took her some time to realise for him it was the sex even though he really was fond of her.

It is not all a bed of roses there are long term consequences with any couple who goes down this path. The degree of those consequences is dependent on how good you both are at being truthful and comitted to staying together.The marriage vows in good times and bad really comes into play. Are you both mature and stable enough to survive the roller coaster.

[Dc51614]

Ever since she said “maybe” to hotwifing I’ve been extremely excited… but I will take all of your advice and try to slow down! Since I’ve been talking about it daily since it may be too much for her.

Slow and steady wins the race with this thing I guess!

Your progress in getting your wife to realise you really want her to do this and your statements about loving her regardless has passed the first hurdle.

Believe it or not the real hurdle is finding the right man that not only she is genuinely attracted to but more importantly will not ghost her.

For a significant number of women who play the emotional aspect is as important as the sex and that is why you would in the interm best to figure out what spins your wife's wheels when having the fun of checking out other guys.

In our case that ended up in being just one guy that lasted decades. He was in a stable relationship and was never a threat to our marriage. I knew this from the start and the bonus was he'd had a vasectomy. That made the sex even more intimate but it also really scared my wife because initially she was so into him it took her some time to realise for him it was the sex even though he really was fond of her.

It is not all a bed of roses there are long term consequences with any couple who goes down this path. The degree of those consequences is dependent on how good you both are at being truthful and comitted to staying together.The marriage vows in good times and bad really comes into play. Are you both mature and stable enough to survive the roller coaster.

Thanks Allways!

[Dc51614]

Each woman is different. I badgered my late wife until she gave in to shut me up. My current GF only took a few chats.

Thanks 2wheel!