"Why would a guy want his wife to sleep with another man"

[lisamyhotwife]

I've only just skimmed a lot of these comments, but of all the motives that I seen, there is one that is missing.
Maybe the husband just doesn't care

Maybe. But those husbands are probably not on this site.

Doesn’t care about what?

[wannabecUKold]

Doesn’t care about what?

ie doesn’t care who his wife sleeps with.

[lisamyhotwife]

I think that might be a given in a lot of cases. My wife can sleep with who ever she wants so in that regard you would be correct, I don't care who she sleeps with. I'm just happy she enjoys fucking other men. She is very picky as she should be, and who she sleeps with is always her call.

[John Ryan]

Hi everyone, it's my first post on here so lets see how it goes,
We first met at 15/16 years old, she was more experienced than me, I had very little experience, she claimed she hadn't either, but she knew what she wanted and how she wanted it, I found out much later that she had her first sexual encounter at 11/12 years old, she also went to all-night party's and getting smashed, waking up the next day without her knickers, so she was always highly sexed, we married when she was 18 , I was just 19 by six days, it was 1966 ,things went well for a start, after a couple of years our daughter was born followed 17 months later by our son, she couldn't cope with being a stay at home mum , the next few years were difficult she felt she had missed out on her teenage years, she had been bright at school and was looking at a good carer until marriage came along, she suffered mentally and after a attempted suicide and not being able to stay on the pill the doctors said she could be stralized , she was 26 at the time.
I tried several things to give her more interest in life, I eventually got her though her driving test to give her more freedom, I had already told her she was free to go out and do what she needed to do,
Now we will get to the bit other people want to know about, she got a part time job at a factory in the small Suffolk village we live in, although she had always said she didn't want to play away I had suspected she had been for a while before the job came up, she had been there for a few months when the affair started, she told me a guy had hit on her and wanted to take her out for a drink, she had turned him down I asked why she said she didn't think I'd like it, I told her to go if she wanted, a few days later and she said he had asked again this time she said yes, so out she went the next night, I could see by the way she took extra time on her hair and makeup plus her outfit that it was special for her. She came home drunk with cum in her hair and on her black dress, there was no question what she had had that night, we sat down the next day and had a talk about what we were going to do, I agreed she could go out whenever she wanted but I wanted her to be safe so she had to tell me who she was with and a approximate time she would be back, her rules were I don't interfere with her sex life, or get involved in any way, I don't have sex with her when she gets back unless she wants it, and I'm not anywhere near when she is with someone else. That first guy was about for five years during which time she had affairs with two other men, one of them was very well hung and she was with him for almost 20 years as well as having numerous others at same time , the big guy had health problems and stopped fucking her, due to meds and chemo I stopped about the same time, she was very frustrated with life, a guy I knew was interested in her so I got them to meet, it worked well and they have been playing together for about 10 years now, he is 16 years younger than her and she is his whenever he gets the chance to get away from his wife, she will do anything with him including anal and swallowing, as I introduced them and gave him the go a head he will often email me telling me what they get up to, so she has been a hot wife many years before the term was invented, we are both 78 years old now and I'm happy to take her to him and collect her when they have finished, so it is as much a part of our life and marriage as anything else, it's just normal now and has been for a long long time, our daughter knows and some of our friends, it doesn't bother anyone our interfere with with our lives.

I saw your posting. Curious what village in Suffolk did you work and live. I was stationed at RAF Bentwaters 69 to 72. I live of base in a few different places. Great Glenham, Peasenhall.

[Flint]

When I used to get regular sex with my wife, the biggest turn-on for me was knowing that what I was doing was pleasing her; seeing her react to my efforts was better for me than anything she could do for me. If she did something for me that was not pleasurable for her, then I didn't want it.

So if I could see her enjoying someone new, someone making her cum as much or even more than I ever have, that would be as good for me as I'm sure it would be for her. That's why I'd love her to sleep with another man, or men.

[Betty]

Well, I'm not married but I do have a partner who likes to see me with other men. I like it because the sex is just out of this world.
So if my partner and I like it, why should people from outside judge our sex life? Do I get to judge on the sex life of those who judge mine?
Our sex life happens behind closed doors, and it's not paraded down the high street like some others I could mention.

[elina]

Well, I'm not married but I do have a partner who likes to see me with other men. I like it because the sex is just out of this world.
So if my partner and I like it, why should people from outside judge our sex life? Do I get to judge on the sex life of those who judge mine?
Our sex life happens behind closed doors, and it's not paraded down the high street like some others I could mention.

Dear Betty,

Could not agree more.
If you, your (in)significant other, and the other males all enjoy what you are doing, no one else is entitled to judge your sex life.

Let's be honest, this site will only become better with more open-minded, sexually active Ladies of all ages helping us to understand the female perspective of both hotwifing and cuckolding. We welcome posters like you Betty.

Please do not allow anyone to discourage you from accurately describing your sex-life on this page and if you think someone is crossing borders please feel free to click the exclamation mark button at the top of the page and let the moderators check the post.

Sincerely
elina
(Moderator and submissive male).

[Confounded]

So if my partner and I like it, why should people from outside judge our sex life? Do I get to judge on the sex life of those who judge mine?
Our sex life happens behind closed doors, and it's not paraded down the high street like some others I could mention.

I completely agree. Your sex life is your private business and only your private business.

[decisions12]

This is a question that I really need to find a personal answer to.

Last night I put all the details (probably said way too much actually but once I started writing everything came out and it felt necessary at the time) in another thread but basically I seem to be coming at this from completely the opposite direction to most of the guys on this site- this is not something I want but it has become increasingly clear over the last couple of months that my wife does.

This thread has a lot of reasons, and I haven't read them all yet, but I have to find a way to want it or at least be at peace with it and I'm struggling with that.

[Restarting]

This is a question that I really need to find a personal answer to.

Last night I put all the details (probably said way too much actually but once I started writing everything came out and it felt necessary at the time) in another thread but basically I seem to be coming at this from completely the opposite direction to most of the guys on this site- this is not something I want but it has become increasingly clear over the last couple of months that my wife does.

This thread has a lot of reasons, and I haven't read them all yet, but I have to find a way to want it or at least be at peace with it and I'm struggling with that.

The reason why is simple. You want your wife to be happy.
You need to find a way to confront the concerns you have. First step: define them.

[Angela Plays]

This is a question that I really need to find a personal answer to.

Last night I put all the details (probably said way too much actually but once I started writing everything came out and it felt necessary at the time) in another thread but basically I seem to be coming at this from completely the opposite direction to most of the guys on this site- this is not something I want but it has become increasingly clear over the last couple of months that my wife does.

This thread has a lot of reasons, and I haven't read them all yet, but I have to find a way to want it or at least be at peace with it and I'm struggling with that.

I know I have a different perspective than the men in here, but since I don’t have one, I’m not thinking with a little head. However, IMHO, if you don’t want it then I don’t believe the two of you should engage in the lifestyle, and you need to be honest with her about where you stand. If either one of you is not on board then you’re flirting with disaster. Proceed with caution my dear.

[lisamyhotwife]

Counseling might help. There are also lifestyle counselors out there. My 2 cents worth is if you are not on the same page don’t go there. Having said that, this drive to want to be in the lifestyle is strong for many people, so strong that relationships can end over it. If can’t come to terms with your wife fucking others then seek out a counselor and if she will not go then find one for you.
Is she ok if you decide to play with another woman? Just wondering.

[decisions12]

I know I have a different perspective than the men in here, but since I don’t have one, I’m not thinking with a little head. However, IMHO, if you don’t want it then I don’t believe the two of you should engage in the lifestyle, and you need to be honest with her about where you stand. If either one of you is not on board then you’re flirting with disaster. Proceed with caution my dear.

Thank you very much for your reply and your wise words. The situation became much clearer after I asked this question, and things are fine between us now.

[decisions12]

Counseling might help. There are also lifestyle counselors out there. My 2 cents worth is if you are not on the same page don’t go there. Having said that, this drive to want to be in the lifestyle is strong for many people, so strong that relationships can end over it. If can’t come to terms with your wife fucking others then seek out a counselor and if she will not go then find one for you.
Is she ok if you decide to play with another woman? Just wondering.

Thankyou very much for your reply and words of advice. Things are much clearer now than when I asked this originally.

[lisamyhotwife]

What have you learned that has made things clearer and what did it change?

[decisions12]

What have you learned that has made things clearer and what did it change?

It's a bit complicated...

hopefully I've copied the link properly:

https://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=79034

There is a summary that starts towards the bottom of page 2 but the story is still unfolding.

[HusbandX]

As a mostly-lurker, I've followed this thread with interest, and did with it as I've done with other threads: copied it into a word document, edited it and saved it to digest and read-through as I travel (which I do most of the time). I'm not one of you, in that I'm not "living the dream;" a 'wanna-be' at best, but still confronted with the same introspective question: what attracts me to the concept enough to dedicate time to reading, studying, and thinking more and more about it? What lights the fire and excites me? It's a question in which I can see, I am not alone.

My wife will never engage; we're as 'vanilla' as they come, and very possibly the two most boring people on the planet. We don't socialize . We don't go out . We don't do social media. I work; that's all I do. She stays home. We're older. Neither of us are attractive people. Nor do we try to be, or care. I am the quintessential "grey-man;" the one who is invisible in any crowd, largely for his unremarkableness, and she the same. We're precisely the kind of people nobody writes books about. We are neither influencers, nor influenced, but because we are alive, to some extent, we evolve.

Thanks largely to introspection and arousal at long threads like this and Jane's story, and many others, I found the nerve to text my wife on a frequent basis about an imaginary lover or "boyfriend. She jokes back, by text, as I move around the world constantly. When I'm gone, I frequently tease her about her boyfriend. We've become more graphic, and she's come to accept my frequent suggestions, and talk about "cleaning up." It won't ever happen with either of us, and I really don't think she has any interest in it: more of a tolerance to my texts, with some limited, occasional participation. It all comes to a grinding halt when I come home from a trip; it's scarcely discussed or touched on once I arrive home, and resumes as soon as I leave (an odd dynamic), but perhaps loses its purpose when we're together. We seldom, if ever have sex when I'm home, and neither of us, of course, when apart. That will never change.

As I examine my own part, my attraction to the concept of a 'hotwife,' sharing, and even cuckolding, he doesn't want it, so it's not possible that I could want it for her benefit. I have no intention of trying to talk her into doing anything she doesn't want to do, but if I did, it couldn't be to give her what she wants...because she doesn't want. It could only be to satisfy my own wants or craving, no matter how I might spin it. It's become, after all my fantasy. Not hers. She knows about it. She tolerates it. Plays along sometimes in texts, but that's it, really. The drive, the thoughts, the call, is entirely in my head, and any attempt to justify it by telling myself that I want it for her benefit would be, for me, a lie. I want it because I think about it too much.

When I was younger, most of my life, I'd have been horrified, sickened, by the thought of my wife with another. Older now, the benefit of decades in the rear-view, I see differently. Kids are grown; we're past a protective era of jealousy, fear of loss, the competitive risks, so perhaps I enjoy the luxury of having moved on, but I'd like to think that if I could go back to a younger time, I could accept this path then, and that the life I observe from the shadows of lurking might have been something I could have become enlightened enough to accept. I will never know.

I will say this: facing the concept of sharing has forced me to confront my world-view of humanity, and self. I grew up with a divorced mother, single parent, in a time when that was scandalous; a woman raising kids without a man? How often we heard she must be a wicked woman, and her teenage boys some kind of drug abusers or trouble makers. I came to hate men, my violent and abusive father, and hate myself; women were everything; the source of authority, wisdom, mercy, understanding, learning, discipline. To re-examine manhood, my own, others who might share my wife, is to confront humanity head-on and to completely re-evaluate self-concept and my relationship with humanity. The path is life-altering, even if it's nothing more than a path-contemplated, rather than one walked.

"I wish" is simply a way of saying "I'm too lazy to make it happen," or perhaps more accurately, not committed enough to the idea to make it happen, so I won't say I wish it would happen, because that would be performative and meaningless. I haven't made it happen, so clearly I don't wish it; clearly I lack the commitment to the concept. It's arousing to think about; it's in my thoughts much of the time, and now really the only arena in my head when it comes to thinking about, or fantasizing about, or pining after sex. I never think about sex without thinking about my wife; I never think about my wife sexually, any more, without thinking about her with another man. I admit that, for the first time, with some shame, but there it is, and it's a fact. In my head, that's what I am to my wife: her cuckold.

But why? It arouses me. Fantasizing, mental masturbation, internal stimulation, happy thoughts. But a deeper psychology that touches on a submissivenss, a centering of self, a need to diminish and minimize ego. I have a strong aversion to placing self first; I've lived in a sacrificial field of risk to life and limb, in which what happens to me is not important, but the mission is everything. That won't ever change, and I think it reflects in this evolving view of sex (which really, is anything but sex, as there really isn't any). Perhaps there is a coping mechanism attached to explain away and rationalize the lack of sex: if I can't have a sex-life, then I can build an imaginary world where she has the sex, and I'm a secondary participant. A spectator. A servant.

There's a catharsis to submission that's akin to the spiritual that I can't fully explain. To try to understand this evolution is to try to understand myself: an effort in which I am constantly behind, and which I expect to be incomplete on the day I die, but none-the-less an endless journey.

I suppose if my wife were wiling and wanted, and chose a lover or friend-with-benefits or boyfriend, or whatever, I would be supportive, and would be riddled with anxiety and yet supportive, and would internalize my own guilt-ridden excitement and trepidation, but it's little more than a mental exersize for me, and a passing tolerance for her. If she wanted it, and took it, I'd be happy for her, and supportive, but it's easy to say what I'd be, never having walked the road. I've no basis to speak, but for my own fantasies, assumptions, and imagination. Mist and vapor, nothing concrete.

For now, I'll sample this life from the screen and page, from those who really do go there. I've spent my life in raging wildfires and the valleys of Afghanistan, Iraq, Africa, South America, and so on and so on, been there, done that, have drawers full of tee shirts, still going, and will until I die, or am forced to retire. But with respect to a sexual life, a shared wife, a title like cuckold, or some other stake in the 'lifestyle,' I'll remain little more than a fan on the sidelines, forever trying to understand what attracts me to come see the game. I can see the attraction. I feel it, too, and at its core, despite the complexities of emotion, reason, desire, and even lust, I can't say I understand it, any more than gravity. We can observe it; we can measure it and it abides rules of distance and mass, and yet we do not truly understand it or what it is . We can measure it, we can see and feel its effects, and we can use it or fight it, and we know it is with us, but we still do not know what it is. That's where I am. Contemplating gravity.

[Late]

As a mostly-lurker, I've followed this thread with interest, and did with it as I've done with other threads: copied it into a word document, edited it and saved it to digest and read-through as I travel (which I do most of the time). I'm not one of you, in that I'm not "living the dream;" a 'wanna-be' at best, but still confronted with the same introspective question: what attracts me to the concept enough to dedicate time to reading, studying, and thinking more and more about it? What lights the fire and excites me? It's a question in which I can see, I am not alone.

My wife will never engage; we're as 'vanilla' as they come, and very possibly the two most boring people on the planet. We don't socialize . We don't go out . We don't do social media. I work; that's all I do. She stays home. We're older. Neither of us are attractive people. Nor do we try to be, or care. I am the quintessential "grey-man;" the one who is invisible in any crowd, largely for his unremarkableness, and she the same. We're precisely the kind of people nobody writes books about. We are neither influencers, nor influenced, but because we are alive, to some extent, we evolve.

Thanks largely to introspection and arousal at long threads like this and Jane's story, and many others, I found the nerve to text my wife on a frequent basis about an imaginary lover or "boyfriend. She jokes back, by text, as I move around the world constantly. When I'm gone, I frequently tease her about her boyfriend. We've become more graphic, and she's come to accept my frequent suggestions, and talk about "cleaning up." It won't ever happen with either of us, and I really don't think she has any interest in it: more of a tolerance to my texts, with some limited, occasional participation. It all comes to a grinding halt when I come home from a trip; it's scarcely discussed or touched on once I arrive home, and resumes as soon as I leave (an odd dynamic), but perhaps loses its purpose when we're together. We seldom, if ever have sex when I'm home, and neither of us, of course, when apart. That will never change.

As I examine my own part, my attraction to the concept of a 'hotwife,' sharing, and even cuckolding, he doesn't want it, so it's not possible that I could want it for her benefit. I have no intention of trying to talk her into doing anything she doesn't want to do, but if I did, it couldn't be to give her what she wants...because she doesn't want. It could only be to satisfy my own wants or craving, no matter how I might spin it. It's become, after all my fantasy. Not hers. She knows about it. She tolerates it. Plays along sometimes in texts, but that's it, really. The drive, the thoughts, the call, is entirely in my head, and any attempt to justify it by telling myself that I want it for her benefit would be, for me, a lie. I want it because I think about it too much.

When I was younger, most of my life, I'd have been horrified, sickened, by the thought of my wife with another. Older now, the benefit of decades in the rear-view, I see differently. Kids are grown; we're past a protective era of jealousy, fear of loss, the competitive risks, so perhaps I enjoy the luxury of having moved on, but I'd like to think that if I could go back to a younger time, I could accept this path then, and that the life I observe from the shadows of lurking might have been something I could have become enlightened enough to accept. I will never know.

I will say this: facing the concept of sharing has forced me to confront my world-view of humanity, and self. I grew up with a divorced mother, single parent, in a time when that was scandalous; a woman raising kids without a man? How often we heard she must be a wicked woman, and her teenage boys some kind of drug abusers or trouble makers. I came to hate men, my violent and abusive father, and hate myself; women were everything; the source of authority, wisdom, mercy, understanding, learning, discipline. To re-examine manhood, my own, others who might share my wife, is to confront humanity head-on and to completely re-evaluate self-concept and my relationship with humanity. The path is life-altering, even if it's nothing more than a path-contemplated, rather than one walked.

"I wish" is simply a way of saying "I'm too lazy to make it happen," or perhaps more accurately, not committed enough to the idea to make it happen, so I won't say I wish it would happen, because that would be performative and meaningless. I haven't made it happen, so clearly I don't wish it; clearly I lack the commitment to the concept. It's arousing to think about; it's in my thoughts much of the time, and now really the only arena in my head when it comes to thinking about, or fantasizing about, or pining after sex. I never think about sex without thinking about my wife; I never think about my wife sexually, any more, without thinking about her with another man. I admit that, for the first time, with some shame, but there it is, and it's a fact. In my head, that's what I am to my wife: her cuckold.

But why? It arouses me. Fantasizing, mental masturbation, internal stimulation, happy thoughts. But a deeper psychology that touches on a submissivenss, a centering of self, a need to diminish and minimize ego. I have a strong aversion to placing self first; I've lived in a sacrificial field of risk to life and limb, in which what happens to me is not important, but the mission is everything. That won't ever change, and I think it reflects in this evolving view of sex (which really, is anything but sex, as there really isn't any). Perhaps there is a coping mechanism attached to explain away and rationalize the lack of sex: if I can't have a sex-life, then I can build an imaginary world where she has the sex, and I'm a secondary participant. A spectator. A servant.

There's a catharsis to submission that's akin to the spiritual that I can't fully explain. To try to understand this evolution is to try to understand myself: an effort in which I am constantly behind, and which I expect to be incomplete on the day I die, but none-the-less an endless journey.

I suppose if my wife were wiling and wanted, and chose a lover or friend-with-benefits or boyfriend, or whatever, I would be supportive, and would be riddled with anxiety and yet supportive, and would internalize my own guilt-ridden excitement and trepidation, but it's little more than a mental exersize for me, and a passing tolerance for her. If she wanted it, and took it, I'd be happy for her, and supportive, but it's easy to say what I'd be, never having walked the road. I've no basis to speak, but for my own fantasies, assumptions, and imagination. Mist and vapor, nothing concrete.

For now, I'll sample this life from the screen and page, from those who really do go there. I've spent my life in raging wildfires and the valleys of Afghanistan, Iraq, Africa, South America, and so on and so on, been there, done that, have drawers full of tee shirts, still going, and will until I die, or am forced to retire. But with respect to a sexual life, a shared wife, a title like cuckold, or some other stake in the 'lifestyle,' I'll remain little more than a fan on the sidelines, forever trying to understand what attracts me to come see the game. I can see the attraction. I feel it, too, and at its core, despite the complexities of emotion, reason, desire, and even lust, I can't say I understand it, any more than gravity. We can observe it; we can measure it and it abides rules of distance and mass, and yet we do not truly understand it or what it is . We can measure it, we can see and feel its effects, and we can use it or fight it, and we know it is with us, but we still do not know what it is. That's where I am. Contemplating gravity.

Well thought out. Well written. I hope it made you feel better. I KNOW it made me feel better.

Late