This is all excellent progress!HopefullyOneDay wrote: Wed Sep 02, 2026 8:32 am The discussions about her having a boyfriend or two are coming more and mor3 natural in and out of the bedroom. The "nevers" are getting fewer and fewer and she openly admits that the thought excites her.
Sometimes we'll be talking and she will be telling me how much it excites her and things she would like and wouldn't like and then will stop and say "wait, are we talking real life?" and I kiss her and tell her we are.
Yesterday she said if it wasn't for the moral (religious) problem that she would really be interested. I told her I wasn't sure the moral problem was as big as she thinks. Instead of shutting me down, she said she would research it and discuss it.with me. This is HUGE progress.
I still don't know if we will ever get there, but the open and honest conversations are great. She is getting better at telling me what excites her and she has been asking me to tell her more about what excites me. Concerns about having a daughter still at home and birth control are still issues, but when the daughter moves out in a few years my wife should no longer be fertile, so we have some time to work on the other concerns until then.
Right now she is happy to wear her anklet and go.out more without bras. She insists on a bra when she goes places where she is known, but recently went to a big box Hardware store with me and took off her bra before we left home and told me to let her know if any men noticed her. All of this is a big change and I am looking forward to more open honest discussions with her to see where it leads.
It can be hard to move fantasy to reality. When it's fantasy, it's not really you. As it moves towards reality, you start to think of yourself actually in that role and all sorts of variables start to come into play. It can be intimidating. She is working through those thoughts bit by bit.
Her not wearing a bra in places where she is not known is part of that; she's embracing her sexuality, and delving into it in a very public way without actually doing anything. It's fun that she wants you to spy out men noticing her. Many years ago, a friend of my brother's used to love going shopping with her when she was dressed nicely. He'd just hang back some distance and watch other men react to her.
The moral issues are a personal struggle. My wife and I talked a lot about this. What it came down to was; define 'evil'. It's more tricky than you might think. Where we got to, after some discussion, was this; if it is evil, then where is the pain, the destruction, the negative effects on somebody? If my wife is enjoying having sex with another man while I am there watching and/or participating, who is the victim in this picture? If our marriage isn't being harmed, our kids aren't in the know, and any family aren't aware...who is being negatively affected? Certainly the three of us in bed together are all consenting, enjoying, and happy about it. So...where is the harm that is being caused? If there's no harm being caused, is there evil happening? Ok you can pull passages from the Bible to make you feel guilty about almost anything. But get down to actual evil; where is it? Also note that a number of men in the Bible were polygamous without being in sin. Why should it be that women can't have more than one lover? A long time ago I read a blog post from a pastor who had gone to a lifestyle resort. As I recall, one side was clothing option, the other side was swingers. His thoughts in the post were similar to mine; everyone there was having a good time, no destruction was happening, and no infidelity was happening. What there was were a lot of couples enjoying their time there. At the end of the day though, it's what your own moral compass tells you is evil or not. For each person, that can be a little different.