Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[HotwifeBabs]

A few of us Verified Hotwives have decided it might be fun to start a thread where the boys can ask us what's on their minds. The rules may change Here are a few of the rules.
1. No "Does size matter?" questions.(Do a search, there is 300 threads on the subject and that's in the last 3 pages )
2. Only VHW's can answer.
3. Try not to ask the same question twice.
4. Don't be a jerk.

If you want to PM your question to me that is fine.

[Tounguefunngames]

We have done a few mfm and she really enjoyed them. It's to the point now that she can wear me and another man completely out and still want more, but won't agree to doing three men. She says that she fantasizes about it, but doesn't want to thought of as lady that does gangbangs. She willing to do two men with me watching as long as I am willing to wait two days to reclaim her. I know that i couldn't take and want my turn too. Any suggestions on how to get her to do three or more?

[Mr1SexyGILF]

A few of us Verified Hotwives have decided it might be fun to start a thread where the boys can ask us what's on their minds. The rules may change Here are a few of the rules.
1. No "Does size matter?" questions.(Do a search, there is 300 threads on the subject and that's in the last 3 pages )
2. Only VHW's can answer.
3. Try not to ask the same question twice.
4. Don't be a jerk.

If you want to PM your question to me that is fine.

I like and appreciate what you are offering here.

Hopefully you can keep it light, without the dialog becoming dominated by one member who speaks boldly for all VHWs.

Mr GILF

[pancuckold]

My girl has a guy she's been wanting to fuck for about 4 years. It's not uncomplicated; they first met when he was a customer where she used to do exotic dance and after that they occasionally got together for a drink.

4 years of seeing him once a year and no sparks yet has been frustrating.

My sense is that is she were to simply touch him when on one of these dates (or some similar date things with other guys she's been interested) they'd be off to the races. As far as I can see she's blocked by lack of confidence (she's pretty as hell and very smart if initially coming across a bit ditzy .. No deal-breakers for most guys).

What she's not willing to do is simply goto aff/cl/etc for fuckbuddies. I understand and agree on this ... Well accept and like that she's interested in friendship/relationship first and as a condition of a sexual thing. Since the last time she had a satisfactory hookup there were a couple of fucks that didn't go anywhere just due to lack of emotional underpinning.

Suggestions on breaking this (10 year) impasse?

[Iris777]

We have done a few mfm and she really enjoyed them. It's to the point now that she can wear me and another man completely out and still want more, but won't agree to doing three men. She says that she fantasizes about it, but doesn't want to thought of as lady that does gangbangs. She willing to do two men with me watching as long as I am willing to wait two days to reclaim her. I know that i couldn't take and want my turn too. Any suggestions on how to get her to do three or more?

The answer is simple; you can't "get her" to do what she doesn't want to do. Some fantasies are great in your head but don't work well in reality. I have had the same conversation with Aynsley. For me, two's company, three means too damn much cock at one time! I want it to be fun, with lots of attention to be lavished on me (I know, very selfish, but that is the part I like) where as three means that I will have to be focusing on too many people for me to enjoy the play.

If she changes her mind, she will let you know.

[Mrs Yolo]

Anyway, my question is for the reluctant HW's... What happened to your reluctance? How did it dissipate and you take another mans cock when you were he'll bent (or at least acted that way) on never seeing your husbands fantasy come to fruition?

I agree, it takes time and a lot of conversations, sometimes the same exact conversation over and over. I know initially before we moved forward I may be feeling hot, sexy and slutty and all for it one day and then the next day I was questioning it. One thing that I think really helped me understand and visualize the fantasy was reading erotic stories about hotwifing with my husband. We would get all cozy in the bath together, pour a drink and read and talk for hours on end. It was a great way to start conversation, begin to understand the fantasy and then ultimately embrace it as my own!

[flashflood]

My wife has fallen in love with her BF. She started seeing him and said she would never fall in love, but things progressed to love. Now she says "This changes nothing. I still love you (my husband) just as much, however I love him as well (although not as much)."

She is a great wife and is working hard to make everyone happy. She has asked me what I want her to do - break it off or let her continue seeing us both.

Ladies?

I'd have to send this back to the both of you. How willing are you to share her like this? Have you looked ahead as to how that could impact your future? Discussed certain scenarios...vacations alone or together, holidays and rationing out her time with both of you, his perspective - is he falling for her? how open can the double relationship be - will family members know about it...........there are so many small ways it can impact your life. What are you willing to withstand?

To be honest, falling for a fb is something I am very focused on avoiding. We have had many one and done encounters with an extra guy - when out of town - so no problem since we never expect to see them again, but now we're moving into finding a few guys to establish a relationship with, and my husband and I have talked about the dangers of that. We're coming up on 33 years of marriage - of course some of which were roller coaster rides - but I certainly feel devoted to him, and vice versa. But as a relationship builds with another guy, along with the intimacy component, I admit that I don't know if we'll be able to avoid the pitfalls.

To help with that, our plan has him screening and then meeting and ultimately approving the guys beforehand. I also share every text and email with him so he knows exactly what is going on. He has stressed to me that he wants me to like the guys I'm with and so far, after some good encounters or lengthy steamy and/or down-to-earth-this-is-me type of emails, when I ask him what he's thinking, he says he's not jealous and he likes how the heat grows. And it greatly intensifies our own erotic encounters. Maybe if I ever find myself thinking of a fb when I'm with my husband, I'll recognize that as a red flag and husband and I will discuss that. How much is it worth to him to continue with this adventure if the risk is losing me?

Even with safeguards, however, I know it can happen. I THINK if it starts to happen, if I DID think of another guy when I'm with my husband - I assume other women know what I mean by this because I imagine we all think of other guys sometimes during sex with our husbands, but as tools not lovers, I would cut myself off from the guy pretty quickly. I don't want to risk losing my husband.

[Future_Hot_Wife]

1. What was the final thought that made you say "Yes, I'll do it"?
2. Did you have any reservations after the first time?

[massage4wife]

Do you think revealing this fantasy to your wife could change the way she feels about you as a person. Obviously that question will be different for everybody but I guess in general how does the wife view her husband after he tells her this. FYI, mine plays along at times but thinks I have a mental issue. LOL.

[deffle]

I have a question.

My wife has zero sexual hang-ups and absolutely loves fucking. She loves cock in general and has since her teens years. Whenever she gets together with one of her boyfriends the sex is almost always beyond outstanding and very hot. Whenever she's with one of her BFs, it's clear that she is digging what's happening to her.

Despite this, it usually takes a great deal of time and effort to get her to that point. You would think I was trying to get her to have root canal or something as opposed to engaging in something she loves.

My question is: If women so enjoy getting fucked, why is it sometimes so difficult to make it happen?

[tiggerdog77]

As the "other" man in many situations over the years, two questions come to mind.

1) What percentage of hotwives are willing for their husbands to play also?

2) For those that don't, why the double standard? I do understand that some husbands simply do not want to but I have met a lot that did.

Thanks for any insight
Tiggerdog

[SSQ]

My wife has fallen in love with her BF. She started seeing him and said she would never fall in love, but things progressed to love. Now she says "This changes nothing. I still love you (my husband) just as much, however I love him as well (although not as much)."

She is a great wife and is working hard to make everyone happy. She has asked me what I want her to do - break it off or let her continue seeing us both.

Ladies?

There is love and there is LOVE. It's really hard to explain but it's not the same thing at all, to me. How long has she been seeing him? If it's less than a year, it's probably just NRE. Remember that she doesn't have any responsibilities with him- all they do is have fun, make love, and get to see each other's fun sides. Remember that she still loves YOU even though you guys do all the boring, relationship stuff together.

How do you feel about it? Is she still showing you that she loves you and making you feel valued and special?

[tacoshare]

I'll ask the question again. What makes a switch go off where a conservative hot wife becomes a very busy dating girl? this becomes a persistent theme on the boards thanks

There's a bunch of reasons and some may never have that switch turn.
New Relationship energy.
The thrill and excitement of men wanting her
The conquest of new men
Power and dominance (it's like a drug this power thing)
etc etc etc. There is no one easy answer and we aren't guaranteed to become busy dating girls. Some of us stay pretty sedate.

[tacoshare]

As the "other" man in many situations over the years, two questions come to mind.

1) What percentage of hotwives are willing for their husbands to play also?

2) For those that don't, why the double standard? I do understand that some husbands simply do not want to but I have met a lot that did.

Thanks for any insight
Tiggerdog

1. I left my stat sheets at home
2. Are you trying to ruffle feathers? Or is this an honest query

Maybe you want to reword these?

[bsefs]

How so? Could you elaborate a bit.

[Buttercream]

First of all.. Holy Crap! I didn't think it would be Quite this popular so fast.. So bare with me as I add my 2cents in since I'm a Verified HW And I agreed to help with this.. lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have done a few mfm and she really enjoyed them. It's to the point now that she can wear me and another man completely out and still want more, but won't agree to doing three men. She says that she fantasizes about it, but doesn't want to thought of as lady that does gangbangs. She willing to do two men with me watching as long as I am willing to wait two days to reclaim her. I know that i couldn't take and want my turn too. Any suggestions on how to get her to do three or more?

I will NEVER do a gangbang.. Never. But I have done 3 guys... (1 was my hubby) and it happened sort of by accident. The reason I ended up doing it though, was that the 2 other guys were current lovers of mine. They both got along great with my husband. Both new me pretty darn well. I knew that neither of them would be jerks, assholes, take advantage of the situation and would be comfortable with a 4sum. The 2 guys did not know each other, but were sure that they would be fine since they knew us.

I am Not telling you to "make it happen" but it might be an idea you can ask her about. It is VERY hard to get over the stereotypes and cultural norms we have grown up with. In fact, I worry all the time someone will think I'm a slut or lose respect for me if they find this site, even if they are a current lover.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 years of seeing him once a year and no sparks yet has been frustrating.
My sense is that is she were to simply touch him when on one of these dates (or some similar date things with other guys she's been interested) they'd be off to the races. As far as I can see she's blocked by lack of confidence (she's pretty as hell and very smart if initially coming across a bit ditzy .. No deal-breakers for most guys).
Suggestions on breaking this (10 year) impasse?

Again.. It's HARD to break the norm. I would suggest she read The Ethical Slut. It can help a person really face what is holding them back and why. It took me a long time (& I still struggle) with making the first move. I HATE being rejected, and it happened a lot when I was single, so why would I want a repeat of that?!?! I wouldn't, so I often don't or didn't. BUT I've gotten better at realizing that the guys are just as nervous as me, and are trying to be respectful so they NEED me to make that first Bold move, not just tiny hints.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is this something that's hard to control once started? Do alot of women not mind this every once in awhile to spice things up, or is it once it's done the first time, it's full petal to the metal?
Do alot of HW's not have a problem adjusting, and maybe play around a couple times a year?
I notice alot of stories where the reluctant HW goes like a mad woman after the first time, so I have to ask.

That will depend on the personality of the woman. I like to go ALL IN on things, not just this. I'll stay up ALL night to read a good book so why wouldn't I stay up all night to screw a guy? If I really like something, I GO for It! But I have also learned to temper things in my old age So this really is about the personality. It also comes and goes.. Sometimes I want to go crazy and sometimes I just want to stay home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like the idea of turning into prunes together in the bath, ha. Seriously, that is a great idea. These erotica stories, book or stuff printed off internet? If it was a book, which one(s)? I see there are a few listed on the forum index, not sure which one to get though.

I LOVE the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series by Laurell Hamilton. It is in the fantasy realm, BUT if you start with book 1 and work forward, they are both erotic and as the reader, you get to go through the main character's struggle with having multiple partners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My wife has fallen in love with her BF. She started seeing him and said she would never fall in love, but things progressed to love. Now she says "This changes nothing. I still love you (my husband) just as much, however I love him as well (although not as much)."
She is a great wife and is working hard to make everyone happy. She has asked me what I want her to do - break it off or let her continue seeing us both.
Ladies?

I love a few of my guys.. Not the same love I have for my husband. In fact, I wouldn't marry or probably even date these guys if I was single. My husband is not threatened by it. You have to decide if things have really changed much... And if she would want things different or to just continue as is?

[Buttercream]

My 2cents Part 2 And I'll state this just to be clear... I ONLY speak for myself. I do speak up a lot cause.. well I'm opinionated, but by No means am I the end all, be all of hotwifing. We are our own little group of 2 and the way I/we do it may Not be the best way for you and yours to do it. So please, read my words and if they "speak" to you, good. If not, just ignore.. I won't be offended

1. What was the final thought that made you say "Yes, I'll do it"?
2. Did you have any reservations after the first time?

1. I wanted to make him happy, fulfill a fantasy and I knew where his heart was.. With me. 2. Yes, but my first time wasn't all that hot.. But my husband was!! So I saw the potential and we continued.. Here we are 5 yrs later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you think revealing this fantasy to your wife could change the way she feels about you as a person. Obviously that question will be different for everybody but I guess in general how does the wife view her husband after he tells her this. FYI, mine plays along at times but thinks I have a mental issue. LOL.

Naw... We know our husbands are crazy It's not the revealing that can make you change, but I think the persistants or being made to feel like we are not enough. If a man persists too much with a fantasy, it can end up feeling like nothing else is good enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a question.
My question is: If women so enjoy getting fucked, why is it sometimes so difficult to make it happen?

Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's worth the effort... AND it again.. getting over our own mental images, blockades from cultural ideas, and sometimes it just seems like such a hassle. OR maybe this is your wife's way of controlling herself, maybe she doesn't want to let it get out of hand.. Have you asked her?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) What percentage of hotwives are willing for their husbands to play also?
2) For those that don't, why the double standard? I do understand that some husbands simply do not want to but I have met a lot that did.

1.I am willing, though it took 3 years before I reached that point.
2. There were a few different reasons why, 1 is really too long for me to post here. The other reason, is because it is Not a turn on for me. (It still isn't) but it is a turn on for him. If he like have honey dripped on him during sex, I'd do it because it was a turn on for him BUT I wouldn't want it done to me.. I hate the mess and it would be a turn off. It's really kind of the same thing. I changed and "allowed it" for other reasons, but again, it is still not a turn on for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll ask the question again. What makes a switch go off where a conservative hot wife becomes a very busy dating girl? this becomes a persistent theme on the boards thanks

Yep.. I have no answer because I'm not that type of woman lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Paulr9110]

My wife is a bit older than me (16 years) but relatively inexperienced -I've taught her a lot!! I broached the subject and she flat refused statins she only wants me but I'm assuming that is normal at first. What I want to know is how and when to raise the subject? I'd love to see her enjoy another guy but she thinks it's us and us only. I take it this is normal and should I give up??

[Paulr9110]

Ps, we've done the porn film things, toys, even a male sex doll but she unrelenting. Time to quit??

[Buttercream]

Ps, we've done the porn film things, toys, even a male sex doll but she unrelenting. Time to quit??

Yes lol. How long between talking about it do you wait? Some people will dig in their heels even more the more you persist

[Mrs Yolo]

I like the idea of turning into prunes together in the bath, ha. Seriously, that is a great idea. These erotica stories, book or stuff printed off internet? If it was a book, which one(s)? I see there are a few listed on the forum index, not sure which one to get though.

Yep, definitely many nights getting prunified!

Part of the fun of it for us was finding the books together and reading the prefaces and reviews and deciding together what sounded exciting to both of us.

But a few that we really liked were:
His Deep Submission by Kim Acton
Insatiable Wives by David J. Ley
Dirty Lady Katherine by Alexis Shore

Good Luck!

[tacoshare]

Ps, we've done the porn film things, toys, even a male sex doll but she unrelenting. Time to quit??

Time to quit what? If you guys are enjoying the fantasy play, I say keep that up. Why stop playing fantasy if you enjoy it but maybe you need to change your mindset and be happy with the fantasy play and not hope for more....sometimes we get the thing we want when we least expect it as well....but don't keep that in the back of your mind either. Drop your expectations and enjoy what you're doing. It might make it more enjoyable and fulfilling for both of you.

[pancuckold]

First of all.. Holy Crap! I didn't think it would be Quite this popular so fast.. So bare with me as I add my 2cents in since I'm a Verified HW And I agreed to help with this.. lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 years of seeing him once a year and no sparks yet has been frustrating.
My sense is that is she were to simply touch him when on one of these dates (or some similar date things with other guys she's been interested) they'd be off to the races. As far as I can see she's blocked by lack of confidence (she's pretty as hell and very smart if initially coming across a bit ditzy .. No deal-breakers for most guys).
Suggestions on breaking this (10 year) impasse?

Again.. It's HARD to break the norm. I would suggest she read The Ethical Slut. It can help a person really face what is holding them back and why. It took me a long time (& I still struggle) with making the first move. I HATE being rejected, and it happened a lot when I was single, so why would I want a repeat of that?!?! I wouldn't, so I often don't or didn't. BUT I've gotten better at realizing that the guys are just as nervous as me, and are trying to be respectful so they NEED me to make that first Bold move, not just tiny hints.
/quote]

We both read the ethical slut the year it was written and had the pleasure of meeting the authors and asking them some advice.

I agree with you that she needs to make the first moves at this point. Her would be lovers are indeed very respectful and I think a bit of a push is needed to get things started.

Thanks for your feedback, I'll continue meantime treasuring what we have and working to expand the horizons :-)

[Buttercream]

pancuckold... Maybe try a little role playing.. You be the prospective guy and do not make a move on her.. Let her try being aggressive and make the first move. But yes, let her know.. Those guys are just WAITING for her to make a move. Even if it is a verbal move... like "Kiss Me Already"
Good luck and yes, do try to enjoy what you have.

[pancuckold]

pancuckold... Maybe try a little role playing.. You be the prospective guy and do not make a move on her.. Let her try being aggressive and make the first move. But yes, let her know.. Those guys are just WAITING for her to make a move. Even if it is a verbal move... like "Kiss Me Already"
Good luck and yes, do try to enjoy what you have.

Ohh that's good thinking, I think we will give that a go.

And there's no question of enjoying what we do have. Fantasies to be lived out are one thing, a vibrant and varied sex life here-and-now is for sure the main event. s