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by willingtoo » Tue Oct 09, 2018 2:58 am
Good Morning,
Mike and I talked about many things the other night, (after we got home from BBQ with friends and watching the Dolphins implode). The new level of submissiveness and excitement I have experienced with Aaron and Anthony and many other related things. My attraction to strong Alpha men that are much older than me. The feelings of being a "Little Girl" during these encounters. The erotic pain pleasure I've experienced etc.
I am really surprised at how submissive I am becoming in these sexual situations with these men. Seems the danger and unpredictability with Aaron is as erotic to me as the actual sex. He crossed lines, but in retrospect nothing that was harmful. Mike and I did get off on those violations. They say the mind is the sexiest organ in the body. No doubt I understand that now. The actual sex is great, but what's going on in my mind as they are fucking and using me is what makes it so extremely exciting and sexy.
We don't want to totally eliminate the scary and unpredictable nature of things with Aaron or Anthony, but not sure how to get some control. We both are looking forward to him pushing things further but how far is the question. I love being uncertain and scared in these situations.
I never thought my feet would make me feel so sexy but they do. When I see that my feet arouse these men so much, it makes me feel so very feminine and desirable. When I saw my small feet in Anthony's massive hands, I felt so feminine, helpless and sexy. Being pinned, totally helpless under his huge muscular body and then forcefully penetrated by his unbelievably big thick cock, made me explode like never before. I love turning on men with my feet and Anthony absolutely loves my feet. They were a focus of everything he did to me.
I want to explore the roots of this new ultra submissive me and why men wanting my feet makes me feel so sexy. Why pain has become sexy. I will be journaling about these topics and more during this break with Aaron.
Originally It was something I did for Mike. I never gave my feet much attention before Mike. I did have a few adults and girl friends over the years mention that my feet were cute. But it was Mike that started me thinking of them as sexual. Over time I began to appreciate the sexiness of my feet and showing them more prominently became a more conscious effort on my part.
Since Frank, I have become more and more turned on by making men desire my body and that evolved into my feet being part of that desire to make men crave me. Sexy that men want me that bad and I do it to them with my feet and body. Since the foot Night attention by so many men and now Aaron and Anthony's really focused attention, my feet make me feel as sexy as any other thing about me. My small feet in their hands, their expressions of how sexy they are and how they almost worship them is what really woke me up to the sexual attraction of my feet. Overall I think I have a cute/sexy body but nothing exceptional.
As for bastinado, the pain/pleasure with a vibrator also in play is vey sexy. Again, I know it turns Mike and these other guys trememdously and that makes me feel sexy. Mike explained that the way my feet react to the pain is erotic to them. It also makes me feel helpless and vulnerable. Taken with no choice. It's more the psychological thrill of being used, abused and being helpless.
I want to think about the older alpha man attraction. I'm not sure where that comes from but I have some ideas I want to explore in my next journal entry. Why do I feel like a "Little Girl" with these men and so totally submissive.
The decorating is moving right along. Fabrics and design for window treatments have been chosen for the most part. The paint colors for each room is also getting close. Much more left to decide, but those are the biggies. The sectional final cost (Taxes, shipping) is just $150 over what I have from the Foot Night Party and Aaron.
Carrie