subtoall wrote: ↑Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:50 pm
Hi Mike,
I love that you're contributing so much here today. I have a few thoughts about your long post earlier today.
I thought I read from Carrie a few months ago that Anthony had indicated that there was some overlap between the investment group and his foot-loving friends and that that's who he said he would want to share her with, if you guys ever agreed to it. Are you saying that Anthony withheld that information from you when you and he talked about limits for this trip?
I really like that your involvement in your triangle includes you being the one that communicates with Anthony about limits and expectations for your encounters with him. It's a great way to maintain involvement and to satisfy yourself that Anthony knows his role, and you are firmly making clear that without your permission for him to enjoy your wife, nothing would be happening. In a way, it actually allows you to dominate the supposed Dom in the relationship. That being said, as someone above wrote, it is in the nature of many if not most D/s scenes that the Dominant's part in the game often includes gently pushing the limits of the submissive, for the sub's "growth" and everyone's enjoyment. That's almost an expected part of the D/s game. However, if you don't like this, you have every right to make it known, that you expect the limits you set to be firm and are not to be pushed. My gut tells me that Anthony would respond positively to this as an experienced Dom, and that he wells understands that he risks losing everything he wants out of this arrangement if he doesn't keep you happy with his behavior.
I think the individual in this triangle you most need to convince to stick to the limits is Carrie. No offense (seriously), but it appears she's sent mixed signals to Anthony more than once, and as a sub myself, I well understand that behavior (e.g. wanting the beast to emerge, and suddenly thinking the limits set previously aren't as important as they were before). This is fairly common in inexperienced players in BDSM. If she's going to maintain your "authority" as the guardian of her safety (and your safety as a couple), she must always stick to the limits you agreed with Anthony, even if she thinks in the moment that you guys were unnecessarily restrictive back when you set the rules, which is what I imagine is happening.
Even if she is right in assessing something as not as dangerous as once feared (i.e. asking to go to the torture room the first time, rethinking the agreement not to share in Palm Springs) when she changes the rules like this, she is communicating to Anthony that the rules you set with him don't matter. I find this disloyal to you, and disrespectful to both you and Anthony, and I'm sure she doesn't want that. It puts Anthony in the no win situation of having to decide between what you limited him in doing (and therefore risking his relationship with you guys as a couple) and pleasing his sub who in the heat of the moment suddenly wants to push the rules (and do what Anthony ultimately wants too). That's a pretty narrow tightrope to walk. I'm in no way wanting to sound harsh or critical of Carrie; this is all new ground. I get it, and I have been there. The point is, she must not change the rules midstream in an encounter. Even when a rule seems unnecessary. Use this principle as a guidepost. If her feelings change, and it seems like what was off the menu before now seems like we should do it, save it for the next encounter, but don't do it this time. Yeah, you're sacrificing the rush of the moment and perhaps not maximizing your enjoyment of the current encounter. But, if you abide by the rules, there will be a next encounter. It takes some discipline to do this, but it's worth it in the long run.
You guys have such good communication and trust in each other that you can continue to grow in this new lifestyle for the sexy satisfaction of you both (and for the third, whether Anthony or some other man). Seriously, I think the biggest risk to you both is someone's respect or trust getting hurt due to confusion and mixed signals.
I hope this post wasn't too wordy or too much of a downer. You guys are a great couple, and I love having the privilege of being a voyeur in your life.