Letters to my husband: Stella and Richard

[aaardvarky]

Flahubbyofsue - how reassuring to know that my account hits so many triggers, or to put it another way, triggered so many hits! Your comment raises another important point that I failed to mention in responding to subtoall - to do with complication. For arrangements such as ours to work, they need to be uncomplicated. That, perhaps, is why you too prefer for your wife to interact with single men, shedding the complication of an unknowing or disgruntled spouse? The answer generally is to leave all the baggage behind and not drag it into a new arrangement. That way we gain space for experimentation and development. If there are to be rules, let them be either totally understood and respected, or left flexible and discussed. Three way conversation is key (unless the arrangement intentionally involves total exclusion). The conversation aspect had been one of the great benefits of our 'Letters to my Husband' - and indeed this thread to which you have so generously contributed.

[guitarman]

I'm trying to regain my breath after reading letter 24. I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath while reading your very erotic recounting of their lovemaking. After reveling in that level of intensity, I can't see Stella ever reverting to a vanilla lifestyle.

[aaardvarky]

guitarman - message from Stella. 'You are right - in everything you say. Vanilla would be an impossibility! And in the next episode, do be careful about holding your breath or we could face a case of asphyxiation!!

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 24
Darling Stella,
I loved reading what you wrote and visualising each part of it. It was shocking in a wonderful way. I could hardly read on when you disclosed his unfulfilled desire to take you clothed, and your desire to spice it with the lingerie that I had given you. The static from your petticoats intrigued me. I wanted to be present to witness the sparks fly. Can I cope with the intensity? Barely. Am I troubled that you have become obsessed with Alex? Of course I am. How do we navigate this? I really don’t know the answer. But I understand your desires and obsession with Alex, and am committed to support you so I checked online. It seems that you, me and Alex are not unique in these feelings, the intensity that we crave and there may be solutions. Will you discuss it with Alex?

[aaardvarky]

Letter 25
Dearest Richard,
It is now Wednesday morning, raining and I am still here. Alex decided to take the week off work rather than travel to the office. It has meant that we have been able to spend time together and needless to say, to answer your question, have lots of sex. Do you want to know more about it? Would it add another lamination of frustration for you to enjoy?

We have been late to rise the last three mornings as Alex loves morning sex. He says it settles him for the day, although judging by our afternoon love-making, it doesn’t! Mornings tend to be slow and sensual. He takes time to prepare me, talking about what we are going to do, caressing me, touching, kissing and proposing possibilities. Just listening to his voice excites me. And then there is his physical response that excites me even more. I have become fascinated and preoccupied with his erection - so big, large, long, virile. It takes no time for him to be excited and fully erect, making me want to touch him, kiss him, take my lips around him, taste him and several times insist that he ejaculate against my tongue, a feeling of total possession. Of course when he is inside my vagina he always comes, as do I.

Afternoon sex is quite different, so experimental, a little daring and sometimes unexpected. Sometimes he will just take me, forcefully at my instigation, with domination. On these occasions I have him hold my wrists, to pin me down to the bed and penetrate quickly and fully. We usually climax quickly this way, one of us will start to come, causing the other to follow. For fun we have called it our ‘fuck event’. As an alternative, I may choose our ‘suck session’ where I have him go down on me to bring me slowly to orgasm. He can be so clever with his lips and tongue.

In the evening we dress up, dine, dance, play and make love again. The play is inventive, in which we each suggest different scenarios, such as meeting as strangers, a first date, together being married; and my favourite, pretending we are cheating on our partners. This role play excites me, as I imagine a girlfriend turning up to see him, forcing my need to climax quickly; or you arriving unexpectedly from work and coming in to discover me making love with Alex. I imagine your face, your astonishment, your excited breathing, I picture your modest erection as I glance over at you before returning my gaze exclusively to him and continuing to receive the deep penetrative sex from which you are excluded, but have to watch and hear.

Now, a thought occurs to me that we might find fun to answer. Having read this message and given the choice, would you wish me to return alone… or with Alex?

[subtoall]

Subtoall - yes falling in love is exquisite torture, as is witnessing your partner fall in love with another. I have a theory here and would welcome your thoughts. It is convention, repression, jealousy and insecurity that makes it problematic? Does falling in love necessarily demand exclusivity if these issues are sublimated? Does possessing and being possessed require permanence? Whilst some men (and women) may regard Richard's response as weak, I see him as existentially strong, forward thinking and liberating. Do you agree?

What questions! My barely considered answer to your first question is that it is primarily insecurity, and that painfully experiencing the other three is rooted in that insecurity. If one is secure in one's self, and in the love of the couple, (nearly?) all things are possible. Even non-exclusivity. By extension then, possession is not inherently permanent. Doesn't the admonition included in typical wedding vows to "foresake all others" acknowledge that impermanence? Finally, who could be stronger, more foreward thinking and liberating than the masochistic cuckold, dancing with doom on the edge of the abyss? No one but he would dare.

[boobman987]

Thanks for the erotic and arousing descriptions of Stella’s love making aardvarky.
I’m surprised that you’ve extended your visit to Alex’s, did work know about the extension or have you had to take leave?
Do you intend to let Richard have reclaim sex with you once you have returned home? This would show that he acknowledges your hotwife or vixen activities and confirms that your bond is very strong.
Waiting for the next letter exchanges.

[aaardvarky]

subtoall - 'dancing with doom on the edge of the abyss' - a perfect description. The thrill of fear, challenge of the unknown, the risk. Its all there.

booman987 - I a pleased that this surprised you. It surprised me. As for reclaim, does this imply a step backwards - away from my direction of travel, just as returning home might?

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 25
Darling Stella,
Your account was like watching a sexy film without a soundtrack, but with thrilling and tantalising images flashing across the screen. It excited me so much that I had to return to it, time after time, relieving my frustrations by masturbating whilst reading and picturing your euphoria. I have never masturbated so much in my life, each time seeking to satisfy my craving for denial, just for it to re-emerge unabated.

Was your last question serious? Are you contemplating returning with Alex or are you just playing with my emotions and fantasies? I have to admit, the prospect of seeing you and Alex together in real life fascinates me. In my imaginings I watch you waking in the morning, walking hand in hand, sitting drinking coffee together, displaying casual acts of intimacy. It is as if I were a secret voyeur. Then there are the more visceral images of you dancing, your bodies touching, undressing each other, afterwards leading to the bedroom, closing the door and of course the thought of your love-making lasting into the night and beyond. It is my daily story book, embarrassing should others get to read it. It is my guilty secret.

Presently your description of your experiences creates delicious impressions in my imagination. Would I feel differently should they become part of my lived reality? Could I bear longer exclusion or denial knowing that you were having sex with Alex nearby? Might you become so obsessed with Alex and he with you that my presence might impede your progress and possibilities? These are difficult questions which I feel unable to answer now. Perhaps, like learning to swim, the way forward is simply to push away from the side in the deep end and embrace the risk?

[boobman987]

. . .
booman987 - I a pleased that this surprised you. It surprised me. As for reclaim, does this imply a step backwards - away from my direction of travel, just as returning home might?

Reclaim is NOT a backwards step. It reinforces the strong bond between Richard and Stella, it also “permits” onward travel so Stella can still enjoy Alex. My understanding is it says to paraphrase “you are mine, but you can still play away”.

[aaardvarky]

boobman987 - what if neither Stella nor Richard desire the feeling you describe? If they both want liberation from confirmation and reassurance of reclamation? Imagine for a moment that Richard’s aspiration was cerebral and not physical? What then?

[aaardvarky]

Letter 26
Dear Richard,
Is our film is still running; are you still watching? I have more images that I must share, perhaps disturbing and unsettling, so take a deep breath. Let me flash them across your screen and you can guide me through this difficulty.

This morning Alex asked me to shower with him. Of course I said yes.

He led me into the main bathroom. It was my first visit. I was amazed. The room is vast with multiple shower heads. Lighting was dimmed, music played from hidden speakers, at first we showered each other, then switched to a tropical rainstorm, to be followed by the hot steam of a sauna. Alex led me to a bench where I thought he was going to lay me down and take me. Instead, he had me stand in front of him, stretched my legs either side of his thighs, then lowered me across him. I hovered as I felt him against the lips of my labia, then I sank further to envelop him inside my vagina. Being so opened by his hips and so stretched across his groin, penetration was seriously deep. For a moment we stayed, silent, still, barely able to move, enthralled by its totality. Only then did we rock, slightly, just enough to generate a slow rhythm which we maintained until we both felt the need and urge for more. Our pace quickened and as I relaxed into pleasure, so I sank deeper, further did he penetrate, and more total was our connection. It felt hypnotic as if my mind was lifting from my body. I was able to look down on us as we made love. For an instant I imagined I were you, watching through a glass ceiling, awaiting the moment of fusion. Which indeed started with a tingling in my arms and legs, then spread to my breasts, to surge through my torso and finally to envelop my whole body. I almost passed out as I attained a climax which held me with a searing, stabbing painless-pain, gripping, paralysing, fusing, consuming. I thought it would never cease. Then it ebbed. The lights reappeared and the music returned. But only for a moment, for without warning, identical feelings returned, this time with greater intensity. I climaxed again in a powerful orgasm in spasms which persisted until I could barely cope. Again the feelings subsided, almost as a relief. But it was not over. I felt it again start to build. It was as if I had never climaxed before. The feeling was savage but beautiful. It dammed then flowed, it engorged then released, it impelled then suffused. Alex later told me about my screams of pleasure and relief. To my three orgasms, he had come twice, filling me and no doubt fertilising me.

I wanted you to know. I needed you to know. Maybe this time you didn’t want to hear? But the intensity and implications of this transformational experience had to be shared. How will this change us? That we need to discuss.

[MustBeDenied2]

Dear Stella,

You seemed to have intuited from the beginning that having a dinner date with your former co-worker (was he ever a crush) would have greater implications for your relationship with Richard than he was able to grasp. He is now just along for the ride. How do you anticipate pulling him along side you and Alex? Or do you?

All the best,

MBD

[aaardvarky]

Dear MustBeDenied. Was Alex ever a crush? No, not in the sense you might mean. He is younger, fit and great looking and what woman would not appreciate that?...but as a 'happily married woman' with the conventions that brings it was more of a reaction to aesthetics than of lust. Did I realise the dinner date would lead to this? Consciously, not in an instant, for it was fantasy play rather than serious exploration, escalating with Richard's curiosity and responses rather than my determination. That said, your insightful comment about intuition may well be correct, for intuition operates on a subconscious level, and deep down were desired possibilities that could - might be realised. Which brings me to your proposition that Richard is 'just along for the ride'. I would disagree: let me explain. Richard is not a passive man, which begs the question as to where the underlying energy for our adventure emanated? Me, Alex or Richard?

[MustBeDenied2]

Dear MustBeDenied. Was Alex ever a crush? No, not in the sense you might mean. He is younger, fit and great looking and what woman would not appreciate that?...but as a 'happily married woman' with the conventions that brings it was more of a reaction to aesthetics than of lust. Did I realise the dinner date would lead to this? Consciously, not in an instant, for it was fantasy play rather than serious exploration, escalating with Richard's curiosity and responses rather than my determination. That said, your insightful comment about intuition may well be correct, for intuition operates on a subconscious level, and deep down were desired possibilities that could - might be realised. Which brings me to your proposition that Richard is 'just along for the ride'. I would disagree: let me explain. Richard is not a passive man, which begs the question as to where the underlying energy for our adventure emanated? Me, Alex or Richard?

My dear Stella,

Thank you for your response. You insist that Richard is not passive, but what would you do were he to insist you return home this very evening? Or that Alex must not come with you? Can he possibly throttle your passion? The genie is out of the bottle and three wishes have been granted. Can there be more?

All the best,

MBD

[aaardvarky]

Dear MustBeDenied, I am so thankful that you are writing in this thread. Your comments are energising and keep me writing and responding. Please accept a big hug from me for them! Now here's the thing, Richard by his nature would not insist on my return home, this evening or any time, partly due to his non-determinative passivity, a lot to do with his respect, and a huge amount due to the fact that we both committed to this journey. Of course there could be circumstances where it would be right for me to return home, but they would be discussed beforehand, or open to scrutiny afterwards. The situation is not like turning on or off a light switch, one hand determining the outcome. It is more like two people walking out into the light and both feeling the sun's rays in different ways with different experiences. The reality is that we are accessing what we both desire. To understand this it is helpful to understand coupling as something more than sex, and that is enhanced by it. Sex is a consequence rather than a cause. Tell me whether any of that makes sense to you, MustBeDenied, for I value your insight.

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 26
Darling Stella,
I almost had an erotic heart attack when reading your last message. But such was my impulsion that I have had to return to it to re-savour the account of your morning pleasure, masturbating whilst I pictured how Alex had taken you, each climax you encountered as a result, and the feelings you both consummated.

Your addiction to sex with Alex is matched by my craving for it to continue. It is like a free-fall jump, first nerve racking, then terrifying, and finally exhilarating. I don’t want the parachute to open and neither do I want to land.

What do you think will be your feelings when you return? Will you feel the same about us? Will you bear to tear yourself away? What does Alex say?

[aaardvarky]

Dear Readers, it is Stella here. What should I do ? Do I return now, or stay longer? Should I have a heat-to-heart with Alex? Do I take Alex with me when I return? Should I return at all? What should I say to Richard?

My regular readers are invited to respond (as indeed are my irregular readers who may not have posted a comment here). One piece of the jigsaw is still missing, but its absence should not deter you. However if you comment, it is important to have read the whole thread, for the answer lies embedded there!

[FFDriver]

Ardvark... I'm a latecomer to the party, having just discovered what is the best, articulate, well written, poignant story I've ever read on this forum. My question; is this story being told in real-time as it happens, or is it a recollection of the past?

"Dear Readers, it is Stella here. What should I do ? Do I return now, or stay longer? Should I have a heat-to-heart with Alex? Do I take Alex with me when I return? Should I return at all? What should I say to Richard?"

Stella, you should return alone. You need to impress upon Richard your undying love, and at the same time, lay out your immediate future regarding Alex. Reinforce the fact you have two 'emotional' loves in your life now, but can only have one 'physical' love in your life, and that is now Alex. When you've done it right, Richard will accept that fact, and with the knowledge that you are receiving the best sex of your life, he will gladly step aside. What better gift could a man bestow upon his wife, but insuring she receive what he cannot provide. His satisfaction... his pleasure will come vicariously through you, and the way... through your letters... you keep him in your life.

Richard might be unable to admit it, but he's prepared to hear you say, "I love you, but it's entirely possible you will never touch my body again."

Richard's proof will be his acceptance, along with the fact that he relinquishes his 'husbandly rights' to Alex. For as long as Alex is a part of your life, Richard must remain sex-free with you. (Only you can decide what level that entails, but I'm sure Richard will accept your decision. In his mind, the only thing better than sex, is wanting to have sex with you, and have it be denied). Once you and Richard have reached this conclusion, you are free to continue with Alex as you desire.

I don't know enough to know if the three of you, together, would create a conflict. Only you and Richard can answer that. In the meantime, you should continue this relationship, giving of yourself in every way you desire, and allow it to proceed to its logical conclusion.

[MustBeDenied2]

My Dear Stella.

Yes, I understood your explanation and I appreciate you taking the time to consider me. As you have likely inferred from my screen name, I share your Richard’s proclivity for denial. But one who is in a relationship with another who seeks the erotic elevation of desire that comes with denial of the physical reality of the source of that desire, must be ever mindful of the line that divides denial from neglect.

In light of this. I would suggest that you return to Richard, thereby elevating his denial through the physical proximity to that which he desires and the simultaneous denial of the gratification he thinks he wants.

In other words, you wouldn’t want to cheat on Alex, would you?

Wear the dress you wore for Alex when he took you. Mount Richard so that he can visualize what Alex saw, but deny him the penetration that he has now forfeited to his rival.

MBD

[aaardvarky]

FFDriver- I have managed to snatch a moment between business meetings to read your comment: at last you have been seduced from 'the other board' to the dark side! Never in my wildest fantasies did I imagine that you could be tempted over into the stillness of the Library, and especially my thread, although I have longingly looked at your comments in Cuckold and wished you were here. So welcome to our tiny band of followers!

Whilst welcoming you, I should add my heartfelt appreciation of your comment. It is most generous of you to say that. Undeserved, but lapped up like a cat with a saucer of cream! Thank you so much.

Now you say I should return alone and you make an excellent case for it: to reinforce both emotional loves, to designate one of them to be physical and the other to remain cerebral, and to commit Richard to a life of denial. Might you be correct in your analysis? I certainly understand your intention to ratchet up the sexual stress for Richard: but wait.....

The problem with most (if not all) of life's choices is that we cannot know their destiny. In other words, any choice has the same chance of being right as being wrong. The next post may expose something of this and may trigger further possibilities.

As to your question of whether we are in real-time or the past - my response is that it is a partly both, like the chiming of a clock in a hallway, when the instant has passed, but the resonance of the chimes continues to reverberate. We are definitely in that 'echo moment'.

[aaardvarky]

MustBeDenied - I suppose it is a question of whether denial should be served hot or cold? Is denial more an aspect of erotic temperance than absolute prohibition? With FFDriver I mentioned the timing of a clock chiming in considering the story's timeline. Taking the analogy further, should we be concerned not to wind the clock too far so as to seize the erotic quality of denial in perpetuity?

That said, I love your clever suggestion of using the dress I wore with Alex to ramp up the erotic tension.

[MustBeDenied2]

Yes, there’s a certain dress that’s been from London to Knarvik to Spain to Argentina that served as inspiration for that thought.

MBD

[aaardvarky]

MustBeDenied- you are so erudite. Does your reading know no bounds! Did you enjoy that series, in particular 'the dress'? As we mentioned there, all of us got a bit obsessed with it. I hope you did too!

[boobman987]

My what a conundrum you have set your readers Stella.

If you were to go home alone, would your heart really be with Richard or be left with Alex? How would Richard feel knowing part of Stella was elsewhere? However, her airline rewards plan would be boosted with regular journeys to Alex’s.

If Stella invites Alex to return with her, could he because of his work commitments? True you can work remotely from anywhere so that doesn’t really hold water. The return trip could see both of them joining the mile high club. Richard may feel that he has been usurped by Alex being in such close proximity. But his imagination would be on overdrive thinking what Stella and Alex are getting up to.

Another quandary is where Alex would live? If he had an apartment, Stella could end up shuttling between Richard and Alex losing vital time with either of them.

Alternatively Alex could move in with Stella and Richard possibly living in their spare room and gradually becoming part of their now extended family over time. This could be the best of all worlds as Stella has both the men in her life under the same roof and Richard can listen in to Stella and Alex and vice versa. Both men getting extremely excited by the noises and sounds.

All options have pros and cons, the ultimate decision is of course with Stella, the minx. I think it will depend on whether Stella sees Richard as submissive of Alex or sees Richard and Alex as equals with Stella ultimately deciding who she spends her time with and for how long.

Looking forward to other suggestions and the next set of letter exchanges to keep us, your loyal readers, aroused and on the edge!