Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[BallSpanking]

Not sure about how SW will update you about her recent dates, but it is quite common even for settled and committed HW's to 'minimize' or somehow diminish their descriptions of her escapade for fear of hurting the husband's feelings. Not every husband can take a statement like "He fucked me like a God, has the stamina of a stallion, is much thicker and longer than you, and is amazingly passionate ..." with equanimity.

Remember also that HW's unlike men, are often more discreet about their experiences, even secretive. Sometimes because there is a special dynamic taking place with her lover(s) that she is reluctant to divulge, sometimes just from the habit of keeping outward appearances normal and unchanged, and not alarming her husband. Sometimes she herself may not know what is developing, beyond feeling butterflies in her stomach, and an itch that needs to be scratched ... by him.

[slenderfish]

Not sure about how SW will update you about her recent dates, but it is quite common even for settled and committed HW's to 'minimize' or somehow diminish their descriptions of her escapade for fear of hurting the husband's feelings. Not every husband can take a statement like "He fucked me like a God, has the stamina of a stallion, is much thicker and longer than you, and is amazingly passionate ..." with equanimity.

Remember also that HW's unlike men, are often more discreet about their experiences, even secretive. Sometimes because there is a special dynamic taking place with her lover(s) that she is reluctant to divulge, sometimes just from the habit of keeping outward appearances normal and unchanged, and not alarming her husband. Sometimes she herself may not know what is developing, beyond feeling butterflies in her stomach, and an itch that needs to be scratched ... by him.

Yes, this is what I was saying, that we don't know and, given that it's all quite new, precedents are now starting to be established that will naturally become the patterns. Kind of an important and uncertain time now.

I'll observe that we already have many hints. Her initial inclination to "go silent" in the September and October cycles, and her voicemails that were a big effort on her part and were very minimal with respect to her encounters with Mr. M and Mr. S (e.g. "we had sex") etc.

Also her ongoing effort to always delete texts. She does delete texts and emails as a matter of her personality, but I believe she is extra fastidious with anything from Mr. S (or Mr. M for that matter). I don't really ask about these except when completely germane to the conversation. She can't show or share what's no longer there.

At the same time, she did say she will go into the sexy details when we have time to relax (basically, we have a date for tonight for this).

This transition from hotwife headspace, back to "normal" life back home. We've only done it once before (October), and it was indeed uncertain at that time.

She is unpacking this morning, trying to be "normal" but at the same time I wonder if I detect an effort to kind of keep some things away from my eyes (e.g. if she brought any of the sex toys, any soiled panties, etc.). Or perhaps this is just me putting energy where there is none?

Ill provide updates later. It's a developing situation (we've agreed to deliberately do it in slow motion), as I write this.

[BallSpanking]

You don't need my advice on how to handle your situation, you have been doing just fine ..., but, usually, the rule of thumb advice re. a HW's return home, is to be happy and supportive of her and her activities. Any qualms that might need to be addressed are better solved in a positive atmosphere, that one where there is dread, trepidation, and guilt. So be sweet to her, let her have her way, be funny and reassuring, and try to keep it as light as she wants it while she gets her 'sea legs' again ...

[Mark K]

SF, did I read that she took one of her men (now a growing posse of men, perhaps?) bareback? If so, can you delve a bit more into any recent conversations you and SW had about the use of condoms (or not), pregnancy risk, STD, etc, if they come inside of her?

I think this is one of the huge decisions a couple makes and am curious about in-depth conversations about that facet of Hotwifing/LS. I think there is a strong primal desire for bareback sex, and that it takes great will, to overcome that desire.

Not only for the man to want to plant his seed, but also the woman's desire to get him to place it there inside of her. Curious to know what SW's thoughts are related to that too.

[slenderfish]

SF, did I read that she took one of her men (now a growing posse of men, perhaps?) bareback? If so, can you delve a bit more into any recent conversations you and SW had about the use of condoms (or not), pregnancy risk, STD, etc, if they come inside of her?

I think this is one of the huge decisions a couple makes and am curious about in-depth conversations about that facet of Hotwifing/LS. I think there is a strong primal desire for bareback sex, and that it takes great will, to overcome that desire.

Not only for the man to want to plant his seed, but also the woman's desire to get him to place it there inside of her. Curious to know what SW's thoughts are related to that too.

Good question. It's my impression that she was bareback with Mr. M last Wednesday. If I had to bet money, she was bareback with Mr. S as well on Sunday and Monday of this week.

She came home last night, a bit on the late side and was quite tired. So we just did a quick dinner take-out from a local place, including her niece, watched some tv and agreed between the two of us that the more in-depth conversation will be tonight (Thursday). Niece is staying over at a friend's place tonight, so SW will be more relaxed and the details will more easily flow.

I'll ask all the questions that are possible and that I can think of, during this time. Some as follows:

- Condom or not

- Kissing a bit or small part of the encounters

- Sex only or is it starting to become more

- What she was wearing

- Did either of them take any images or video (clothed or unclothed)

- How many times within each encounter

- Positions, length of encounters, etc.

- Orgasms (hers/his) and where (inside her, outside her, etc.)

- Orgasms (hers) was it clitoral or vaginal and was it during the fucking or by oral or manual or toy

- Any toys

- Oral/vaginal/anal/other

- Any signs of dominant or other type of behavior

- Dirty talk

- Actions of intimacy (shower together, etc.)

- Did Mr. S take her to his friend's house as planned? If so, was it "as friends" or were they lovey dovey in front of the friend?

- Thoughts about next meetup

Anything else? SW will not take well to my having any kind of list or the feeling of interrogation. These will all have to be posed within natural conversation. I think we probably have a couple hours before she is back home and we'll then have some dinner and after that will transition into this hotwife subject and recounting of her busy week.

[BallSpanking]

- Future hookups before Spring?

[Mark K]

- Perhaps reflect on the fact that this might have been the first time she has ever made love with three different men in the same one-week period.
(assuming this might be the first time; not knowing her past and/or how promiscuous she was when younger/college, newly single professional, etc.)

[samlowen]

When my wife and I first started, the follow up q&a sessions weren't her favorite. I had my list of things I wanted to know and she just wasn't feeling like sharing. Very very common as you are already aware.

Here's one thing that helped me and my wife early on with follow up questions. I would write out every question I wanted to know and put them all in a hat, folded, charades style. We'd have dinner, open some wine, dance around the subject and then finally pull a question. The act of pulling the questions from the hat helped to relax my wife (as did the wine) and she opened up more than usual. We did this a few times until she was more comfortable and since then, there hasn't been much issue in getting my questions answered.

I hope you get answers to your questions.

[afagehi7]

Make sure you show her how enamoured you are with her and your gratitude for living your fantasy. I know there are some difficult conversations (eg boundaries etc) that need to be had but personally I don't think this is the time for it.

Hopefully she played the part of a naughty slut. She needs a name for her alter ego. That may help her separate loving wife and naughty girl.

On edge waiting to hear about it.

[dorsetben]

Maybe explain that men are naturally hardwired for visual stimulation and you have a desperate need to paint a mental picture of what was going on to help complete your side of the enjoyment. Tell her it will then be etched into your memory for ever and drive you crazy with lust for her whenever you think about it..

[slenderfish]

Make sure you show her how enamoured you are with her and your gratitude for living your fantasy. I know there are some difficult conversations (eg boundaries etc) that need to be had but personally I don't think this is the time for it.

Hopefully she played the part of a naughty slut. She needs a name for her alter ego. That may help her separate loving wife and naughty girl.

On edge waiting to hear about it.

Yes, someone (you?) suggested this a couple of weeks ago and while we were traveling last week I suggested the name "Pinky" because a) she loves pink as a color b) she is pink (her skin color) c) of course her bits are pink and d) my best friend's mother was the hottest thing ever and quite an item in her day; SW has met her and knows the stories. She seemed to like it but we kind of lost track of using it. I'll bring it back.

As an alternative, I've re-introduced SW to her love of Sex and the City (the show). Perhaps Samantha Jones will work.

[slenderfish]

We had the night, lots to unpack. Had good reclaim sex as well. More later when I have sufficient time.

She has started the NRE, it's quite early days on that, but quite apparent to me. She's downplaying it, as many predicted.

Stay tuned.

[BallSpanking]

Look forward to your update, SF ...
One way to gauge her enthusiasm is to remain aware of how much texting there is between SW and Mr S, and also just what plans she might be formulating to see him again, and how soon. Any attempt to hook up with him before Spring would be a dead giveaway that she is very into him.
I understand her reluctance to bring her playtime closer to home, but her desires may increase in the coming weeks/months, and she might be willing to reconsider the notion of finding a local FWB. She seems to be adapting very well to the premise that good and satisfying sex can be had even without a deep emotional involvement.

[jeeves]

We had the night, lots to unpack. Had good reclaim sex as well. More later when I have sufficient time.

She has started the NRE, it's quite early days on that, but quite apparent to me. She's downplaying it, as many predicted.

Stay tuned.

Maybe it stems from not fessing up to what really happened with Mr. R?

[slenderfish]

Maybe it stems from not fessing up to what really happened with Mr. R?

I like this kind of unflappable optimism. My kind of thinking.

[slenderfish]

Look forward to your update, SF ...
One way to gauge her enthusiasm is to remain aware of how much texting there is between SW and Mr S, and also just what plans she might be formulating to see him again, and how soon. Any attempt to hook up with him before Spring would be a dead giveaway that she is very into him.
I understand her reluctance to bring her playtime closer to home, but her desires may increase in the coming weeks/months, and she might be willing to reconsider the notion of finding a local FWB. She seems to be adapting very well to the premise that good and satisfying sex can be had even without a deep emotional involvement.

Ballspank, as usual, you are spot on. Quick notes, kind of getting ahead of myself, but out of respect to your accuracy:

- She has already discussed with Mr. S his coming to our town for a visit. Or is "conjugal visit" the more accurate term (my usage not hers)? He has business here, so it would be easy. January is the present conversation.

- Mr. S has a little beachfront cottage in another country (on another continent) and SW already invited herself there with him. If this isn't some kind of sign she is already settled into a longer-term concept with him... then what is?

- Mr. M has previous plans to be in our area in January. It'll be curious to see how that plays out over the next few weeks. She is determined to stay silent with him until he first contacts her and apologizes.

- She keeps her texts under super lockdown and, as I've noted, deletes them immediately after. Does this in a manner that tries to be nonchalant. I've noted that once or twice she had some texts on her phone when in our conversation it became germane to inquire about his recent text, and she didn't want to lie to me, so she offered up for my view and pretended not to care. Other times while we were traveling over the long weekend (especially in the hotel room) when a text came through and I saw it briefly flash on her notification, but she never mentioned it and of course deleted. I'm going to have to address the implications of this behavior in another posting, probably over the weekend or next week. I can't see how it's useful for her to be doing this, and it can have significant downside. But at the same time, I don't want to be overbearing. Defer this.

I recognize this is all new for her and for me. This is an important time, beginning transition from "dipping toe in water" to "wading into the pool" as it were.

[samlowen]

- Mr. S has a little beachfront cottage in another country (on another continent) and SW already invited herself there with him. If this isn't some kind of sign she is already settled into a longer-term concept with him... then what is?

From how you've described her, she has always wanted more of a relationship with another man versus a straight up fuck buddy. My assumptions have been that she would seek a longer-term concept with any of the men she has fucked, simply because of her headspace surrounding the slut issue. I don't find this particular invite by her to be out of pattern at all or indicative of anything meaningful. To me it's just a continuation of her thought process about hotwifing from the beginning.

[BallSpanking]

I differ from Sam's appreciation of this to the extent that SW "inviting herself" to a beachfront cottage in another continent is highly significant. I agree it may ultimately not rise to the level of reality, but it definitely does show SW's degree of comfort with Mr S. Traveling to another continent for a mini vacation is significant also because it speaks to her understanding of the lifestyle. It is no longer a matter of should she, or could she, nor even a matter of feeling guilt. It is now more in the practical world of how and when this could be arranged conveniently. That is certainly indicative of her acceptance of her role as a HW.

[samlowen]

I differ from Sam's appreciation of this to the extent that SW "inviting herself" to a beachfront cottage in another continent is highly significant. I agree it may ultimately not rise to the level of reality, but it definitely does show SW's degree of comfort with Mr S. Traveling to another continent for a mini vacation is significant also because it speaks to her understanding of the lifestyle. It is no longer a matter of should she, or could she, nor even a matter of feeling guilt. It is now more in the practical world of how and when this could be arranged conveniently. That is certainly indicative of her acceptance of her role as a HW.

I can see this side too but I lean more toward my 5000 ft vision because SW is already accustomed to money and international travel. My interpretation is that traveling to another continent is something that happens for her yearly and a vacation with Mr S isn't any real change from how she lives her live now (the travel and lifestyle, not the sleeping with another man part). I guess what I'm trying to say is, I would have expected SW to invite herself to his cottage well before she ever slept with him, before any hotwife activity had ever occurred.

I view her acceptance of her role as HW stemming more from the action she has taken with Mr. M, not from the invite to the cottage. Regardless of what I'm guessing at, this is all a good development in the big picture. I also feel you have given some fantastic advice from the beginning and had some really spot on observations. Fish has mentioned that too. You're on fire with your observations, imo.

[eb4cplslooking]

I think she is no longer even "wading into the pool", but now completely submerged with her legs open, right where the jets are !
Enjoy brother...so envious.

[afagehi7]

Look forward to your update, SF ...
One way to gauge her enthusiasm is to remain aware of how much texting there is between SW and Mr S, and also just what plans she might be formulating to see him again, and how soon. Any attempt to hook up with him before Spring would be a dead giveaway that she is very into him.
I understand her reluctance to bring her playtime closer to home, but her desires may increase in the coming weeks/months, and she might be willing to reconsider the notion of finding a local FWB. She seems to be adapting very well to the premise that good and satisfying sex can be had even without a deep emotional involvement.

Ballspank, as usual, you are spot on. Quick notes, kind of getting ahead of myself, but out of respect to your accuracy:

- She has already discussed with Mr. S his coming to our town for a visit. Or is "conjugal visit" the more accurate term (my usage not hers)? He has business here, so it would be easy. January is the present conversation.

- Mr. S has a little beachfront cottage in another country (on another continent) and SW already invited herself there with him. If this isn't some kind of sign she is already settled into a longer-term concept with him... then what is?

- Mr. M has previous plans to be in our area in January. It'll be curious to see how that plays out over the next few weeks. She is determined to stay silent with him until he first contacts her and apologizes.

- She keeps her texts under super lockdown and, as I've noted, deletes them immediately after. Does this in a manner that tries to be nonchalant. I've noted that once or twice she had some texts on her phone when in our conversation it became germane to inquire about his recent text, and she didn't want to lie to me, so she offered up for my view and pretended not to care. Other times while we were traveling over the long weekend (especially in the hotel room) when a text came through and I saw it briefly flash on her notification, but she never mentioned it and of course deleted. I'm going to have to address the implications of this behavior in another posting, probably over the weekend or next week. I can't see how it's useful for her to be doing this, and it can have significant downside. But at the same time, I don't want to be overbearing. Defer this.

I recognize this is all new for her and for me. This is an important time, beginning transition from "dipping toe in water" to "wading into the pool" as it were.

Has she always deleted texts? Even yours or is this a new behavior? If she's deleted texts from everyone all the time for years it's much less concerning than if it's new and only her suitors. That's bad.

I think you are preparing for a real discussion on boundaries etc. Let the last event settle down but IMHO this needs to happen or you have to decide to just accept things. I'd suggest you prepare thoroughly but you seem like the type to prepare and do it well.

Going away to his villa - NRE city!

[XYAlpha]

I think SF is very accommodating to SW's secrecy at this point. However, I see this as a HUGE problem ongoing. At this point - notwithstanding the voice mails - she is just short of having affairs (based solely on the idea that she is not sharing and this is not a LS "together" with her husband. Deleting and hiding text messages is a red flag. Are you in this "together" or not? Reading thepre-date texts and post-date texts is very arousing - this is where you get some spillover NRE from her. Sharing her (and his) emotions as they develop. This is a very important thing for you to be a part of as it will help you determine her level of NRE and if there are other emotional developments that need to be addressed to preserve the marriage. At this point, you are riding along at high speed with no vision...

I understand that for some, this is how they manage the LS but from my understanding of what SF wants - this is not it!

I have not posted in this thread for a while as I was hoping that he would start enjoying the aspects of the LS that appeal to him - his part of the deal. It has not happened and I'm wondering how he will put the Genie back into the bottle. I was inspired to post when I read that she had invited herself to his place in a foreign country.

What consideration did she have for her loving husband?

Did she invite him also?

Did she just assume that he would be OK with her travelling to a foreign country and spending an extended vacation with a lover without even discussing this with him?

SF - you need to get your understandings and agreements in place before you go past the point of no return. You may already be there...

XY

[2inUPMichigan]

Not sure about how SW will update you about her recent dates, but it is quite common even for settled and committed HW's to 'minimize' or somehow diminish their descriptions of her escapade for fear of hurting the husband's feelings. Not every husband can take a statement like "He fucked me like a God, has the stamina of a stallion, is much thicker and longer than you, and is amazingly passionate ..." with equanimity.

Remember also that HW's unlike men, are often more discreet about their experiences, even secretive. Sometimes because there is a special dynamic taking place with her lover(s) that she is reluctant to divulge, sometimes just from the habit of keeping outward appearances normal and unchanged, and not alarming her husband. Sometimes she herself may not know what is developing, beyond feeling butterflies in her stomach, and an itch that needs to be scratched ... by him.

Yes, this is what I was saying, that we don't know and, given that it's all quite new, precedents are now starting to be established that will naturally become the patterns. Kind of an important and uncertain time now.

I'll observe that we already have many hints. Her initial inclination to "go silent" in the September and October cycles, and her voicemails that were a big effort on her part and were very minimal with respect to her encounters with Mr. M and Mr. S (e.g. "we had sex") etc.

Also her ongoing effort to always delete texts. She does delete texts and emails as a matter of her personality, but I believe she is extra fastidious with anything from Mr. S (or Mr. M for that matter). I don't really ask about these except when completely germane to the conversation. She can't show or share what's no longer there.

At the same time, she did say she will go into the sexy details when we have time to relax (basically, we have a date for tonight for this).

This transition from hotwife headspace, back to "normal" life back home. We've only done it once before (October), and it was indeed uncertain at that time.

She is unpacking this morning, trying to be "normal" but at the same time I wonder if I detect an effort to kind of keep some things away from my eyes (e.g. if she brought any of the sex toys, any soiled panties, etc.). Or perhaps this is just me putting energy where there is none?

Ill provide updates later. It's a developing situation (we've agreed to deliberately do it in slow motion), as I write this.

It's interesting that although you mention that it is her personality to delete texts and emails several have jumped on this as a behavior unique to hotwifing.....however your post clearly stated it is not.

She typically deletes texts and emails but suddenly it is suspicious when she deletes these? It apparently isn't out if character according to you.

So she is fastidious....but "extra" fastidious with these messages?
She deletes them faster?

[2inUPMichigan]

Welcome to OHW pockets123

[hwjen]

Secretly deleting text = pull the emergency brake.
Hard stop. Full stop.
6 years I've been a hotwife. 6 years reading this amazing forum with such great people.
So many of the crash and burn threads started with deleting texts, incomplete disclosures and secret calls.

or move to the cuckold forum and take your chances with her as it is already going.

Hotwife requires complete disclosure.