Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Anabolic99]

Ok question. For HWs that like multiple men, do you prefer to know how many men you will have in a given session, or do you prefer not knowing

[false-abroad]

Dear VHWs,

Are any of you sapiosexual? How does it all work for you? I would guess you would be more into getting to now a man before having sex with him, so also less partners in general.

[Lookingforadventure]

Dear VHWs,

Are any of you sapiosexual? How does it all work for you? I would guess you would be more into getting to now a man before having sex with him, so also less partners in general.

I'm not really good at labels, so I don't know if I'd call myself sapiosexual, but I definitely enjoy having that mental connection with my partners. I like flirty banter and building sexual tension. I care much less about someone's penis size, how tall they are, or even how physically attractive they are than I care about if they can hold a conversation (and spark dirty fantasies in my mind).

In terms of this limiting my sexual partners, I'm ok with that. Based on messages I get on an app like AFF, men who would show up at a moment's notice to put their cock in me are readily available. But, if I'm going to fuck someone who isn't my husband, I want the sex to be great. That takes some time and effort to find. I think it is worth it.

[false-abroad]

I'm not really good at labels, so I don't know if I'd call myself sapiosexual, but I definitely enjoy having that mental connection with my partners. I like flirty banter and building sexual tension. I care much less about someone's penis size, how tall they are, or even how physically attractive they are than I care about if they can hold a conversation (and spark dirty fantasies in my mind).

In terms of this limiting my sexual partners, I'm ok with that. Based on messages I get on an app like AFF, men who would show up at a moment's notice to put their cock in me are readily available. But, if I'm going to fuck someone who isn't my husband, I want the sex to be great. That takes some time and effort to find. I think it is worth it.

Thank you kindly for your answer.

I'm also not so good at labels and don't want to attach myself or anyone too much to them. I heard about this particular one before and lately after talking about my wife I thought, that it fits her to some extent. Mind you, my wife is not a hotwife and maybe never will be. But she told me that she was never attracted to pretty boys or popular actors as her friends were. She did not know those men and that made her only to acknowledge their looks, but it was empty for her. She said to me, that she can't imagine herself going to bed with a stranger.

I understand it is the same for you. I guess I should read your story. I wonder how the lifestyle works and how it can even start to appeal to you and my wife at that.

[SSQ]

Dear VHWs,

Are any of you sapiosexual? How does it all work for you? I would guess you would be more into getting to now a man before having sex with him, so also less partners in general.

Yup. I always say the most important sexual organ is the brain. I can fuck someone casually without getting to know them, but if it's going to be more than a one-off they have to be able to hold my attention.

It all depends what I'm looking for in a given moment. Certainly with romantic relationships or even ongoing FWB, I want to be attracted to their intelligence and personality.

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs,

Are any of you sapiosexual? How does it all work for you? I would guess you would be more into getting to now a man before having sex with him, so also less partners in general.

Intelligence alone isn't a turn-on for me, but it takes intelligence to turn me on. The brain is the biggest sex organ and the one that makes the others work.

[Liese]

I might have a one-off with a guy I meet at a party if he's hot and polite and there's immediate physical attraction. But after the fun's done if he starts talking about conspiracy theories or folks who did him wrong, he'll be a one and done.

[nks]

I have a question to hotwives about masturbation. Sorry, if this has already been asked. Before becoming hotwives, how much did you masturbate? And what kind of fantasies did you enjoy? How much this included you husbands/partners vs other men/women?

And did this change after becoming hotwives?

Thank you!

[Anonymousrachel]

This completely changed for me. Before the idea of hotwifing came around to me, I probably had only masturbated a few times here and there. It was by no means something that I enjoyed. Now, however, I don’t mind doing so imagining myself with Rob or with one of my guys. Rob and I have gotten in to mutual masturbation recently. That has become a fun time too!

[Liese]

I have a question to hotwives about masturbation. Sorry, if this has already been asked. Before becoming hotwives, how much did you masturbate? And what kind of fantasies did you enjoy? How much this included you husbands/partners vs other men/women?

And did this change after becoming hotwives?

Masturbation played a key role for my enjoyment after I learned how to let go of my hangups and celebrate my sexuality. I was in my mid 30's before I shook off the guilt/shame/anxiety around my body and sex (which had been instilled by my family/community/fundamentalist upbringing). Before overcoming that background, I rarely masturbated. But once I shook that baggage off and began indulging hub's requests to see me naked and masturbating, I realized I absolutely loved doing that. I'd been a suppressed showoff all my life!

For years we had our adventures, just us two, where I'd undress and masturbate and pose for him in various places/scenarios. Always just for him to see, but with a bit of risk involved. I loved how that made me feel and I still do. And eventually I admitted that my fantasies had turned towards masturbating and being nude/sexual for others to see, also! I imagined them getting excited by me, my body, my arousal. I wanted to show off that I was a sexual woman and NOT ashamed of it!

I thought hub might freak out over that, but instead he suggested we find another couple to do "watch and be watched" with. That took a while, but we eventually did, and that led us to where we are now.

Now, most of the time I masturbated, it was with hub watching me, as that was an excellent way to start the fun for us both. I'd get naked, lie on the bed, or in a chair, and touch myself, usually fingers at first, rubbing, showing him I was getting wet, that my vulva was getting flushed. I loved his response, his intense gaze, his obvious arousal. I loved it when he'd take pics. I'd move on to use toys like buzzers/wands for my clit, dildos, vibrators. I'd orgasm from that, then we'd generally move on to other play.

And I still incorporate that into my typical play with others. I love undressing and showing and masturbating for a new guy or couple who want to see me do that. I love having that first orgasm from that; the first one is the one that's tough to hit for me, but after that, they flow like a river! So doing the first one myself while being watched really gets me there quicker, and I'm ready for other thrills. I've also done this in the group play/show rooms of lifestyle parties, and enjoy it a lot. Even more if another gal joins me in being so showy. But mostly it's for a solo guy or a couple to see.

When I masturbate by myself, I usually fantasize about others watching me, considering me bold and wanton and arousing, and then they're so excited they masturbate too. I also fantasize about watching two people masturbate together. Gender doesn't matter, I'm just aroused by the idea of them doing it in front of/for each other together.

Covid played hell with this fun. Hub and I still play a couple times a week, and we had some play dates with a couple, and later a solo, last fall where I got to do all that. Can't wait until it's safe to return to the larger events.

[Dzs1653]

...
Now, most of the time I masturbated, it was with hub watching me, as that was an excellent way to start the fun for us both. I'd get naked, lie on the bed, or in a chair, and touch myself, usually fingers at first, rubbing, showing him I was getting wet, that my vulva was getting flushed. I loved his response, his intense gaze, his obvious arousal. I loved it when he'd take pics. I'd move on to use toys like buzzers/wands for my clit, dildos, vibrators. I'd orgasm from that, then we'd generally move on to other play.

And I still incorporate that into my typical play with others. I love undressing and showing and masturbating for a new guy or couple who want to see me do that. I love having that first orgasm from that; the first one is the one that's tough to hit for me, but after that, they flow like a river! So doing the first one myself while being watched really gets me there quicker, and I'm ready for other thrills. I've also done this in the group play/show rooms of lifestyle parties, and enjoy it a lot. Even more if another gal joins me in being so showy. But mostly it's for a solo guy or a couple to see.

When I masturbate by myself, I usually fantasize about others watching me, considering me bold and wanton and arousing, and then they're so excited they masturbate too. I also fantasize about watching two people masturbate together. Gender doesn't matter, I'm just aroused by the idea of them doing it in front of/for each other together.

Covid played hell with this fun. Hub and I still play a couple times a week, and we had some play dates with a couple, and later a solo, last fall where I got to do all that. Can't wait until it's safe to return to the larger events.

You are such an inspiration! (Oops -- have to put it in the form of a question) Do you have any idea what an inspiration you are, let alone how lucky both you and your husband are to have each other?

[Liese]

You are such an inspiration! (Oops -- have to put it in the form of a question) Do you have any idea what an inspiration you are, let alone how lucky both you and your husband are to have each other?

Sometimes I almost feel like a porn trope; a frat boy's fantasy. But honestly, given the misery I went through before I embraced my sexual self, I don't give a damn. And I feel wondrously lucky to have hub, and I know he feels that way about me.

When I went from anxious and inhibited, transforming into his naked sex kitten virtually overnight, he later said he thought he'd died and gone to heaven. Though within 3 weeks he thought he'd die trying to keep up with me! Fortunately we make his orgasm the last one for us usually. I'll have an orgasm or 7 before I jump on his cock for one final one for me and a big O for him.

Life's good. Living in the moment (but with proper planning before, and happy reflection after) pays dividends.

[Farmgirl]

I have a question to hotwives about masturbation. Sorry, if this has already been asked. Before becoming hotwives, how much did you masturbate? And what kind of fantasies did you enjoy? How much this included you husbands/partners vs other men/women?

And did this change after becoming hotwives?

Thank you!

Before becoming a Hotwife, I played with myself ( from an early age) for the sexual release. After becoming a Hotwife, I do it while with a lover because it excites us both! I love to rub my clit while sucking cock or being fucked.

[noreaster]

Hello,
I’ve used to enjoy the times my wife came back to me with her smooth mound and snug, Lycra thong all creamy with their cum. In my imagination I would think how sexy it must feel to her to feel that as she walked, drove or whatever else she did to get back to me. Looking back on it, I’m not sure she enjoyed the feeling as much as my imagination would have her. I think she was doing it for me.

My question is, if you’ve experienced it, does it feel sexy to you to feel another man’s cum leaking out into your panties as you head back to your husband or does it just feel like an uncomfortable mess? Thanks.

[Farmgirl]

Hello,
I’ve used to enjoy the times my wife came back to me with her smooth mound and snug, Lycra thong all creamy with their cum. In my imagination I would think how sexy it must feel to her to feel that as she walked, drove or whatever else she did to get back to me. Looking back on it, I’m not sure she enjoyed the feeling as much as my imagination would have her. I think she was doing it for me.

My question is, if you’ve experienced it, does it feel sexy to you to feel another man’s cum leaking out into your panties as you head back to your husband or does it just feel like an uncomfortable mess? Thanks.

I don't wear panties, but I do enjoy the feel of another man's cum trickling down my thigh. The most heady experience was when I stood in church and felt my lover's cum leaking out.
To me, it's not messy, it's a reminder of who I am and what I've been up to .

[noreaster]

Hello,
I’ve used to enjoy the times my wife came back to me with her smooth mound and snug, Lycra thong all creamy with their cum. In my imagination I would think how sexy it must feel to her to feel that as she walked, drove or whatever else she did to get back to me. Looking back on it, I’m not sure she enjoyed the feeling as much as my imagination would have her. I think she was doing it for me.

My question is, if you’ve experienced it, does it feel sexy to you to feel another man’s cum leaking out into your panties as you head back to your husband or does it just feel like an uncomfortable mess? Thanks.

I don't wear panties, but I do enjoy the feel of another man's cum trickling down my thigh. The most heady experience was when I stood in church and felt my lover's cum leaking out.
To me, it's not messy, it's a reminder of who I am and what I've been up to .

Thanks for the reply. I think that’s sexy too. Been many times I’ve wondered if the ladies in church that are dressed so conservative actually may have something sexy going on underneath.

[OZCPL]

My wife cheated and I think it was after the second time we opened our relationship for her but I have never promised to be mono.

[Farmgirl]

My wife cheated and I think it was after the second time we opened our relationship for her but I have never promised to be mono.

Did you have a question?

[Whosbeensleeping]

Hello dearest VHWs.
Are there any shows you enjoy and might recommend that cast women's sexual empowerment in a positive light?

[Liese]

Hello dear ladies.
Are there any shows you enjoy and might recommend that cast women's sexual empowerment in a positive light?

LOL, the only "shows" I can think of are the shows I put on for my playmates, where I enjoy myself with my fingers and toys before other fun starts. It truly thrills me to do that, plus my playmates can see just what sort of touches and and pleasure enhancements work for me.

I know that's not what you were asking, sorry.

[Whosbeensleeping]

LOL, the only "shows" I can think of are the shows I put on for my playmates, where I enjoy myself with my fingers and toys before other fun starts. It truly thrills me to do that, plus my playmates can see just what sort of touches and and pleasure enhancements work for me.

I know that's not what you were asking, sorry.

Not to worry. Well, that certainly sets the imagination on fire! :-)

[tucsoncouple]

This is great news that some guys will be satisfied with just going down on her. She loves to give blowjobs but I can see circumstances where she would not want to. Still waiting for our first time.

[Farmgirl]

This is great news that some guys will be satisfied with just going down on her. She loves to give blowjobs but I can see circumstances where she would not want to. Still waiting for our first time.

Is there a question in there?

[hotwifegoddes4u]

Hello. (Pardon me for writing a book, but background is really needed to understand the situation my wife and I are in. I feel like we're at a very interesting crossroads.) I've been lurking on here for years with my wife "on the fence" the entire time. First, some back story. My wife DID fuck someone else on and off while we dated and she enjoyed the experience as much as I did. He was her college ex which made it easy for her. She already knew him in every sense. We weren't married, so I don't consider it a "hotwife" experience but more of a preview of what out lives could be like if she took the plunge. That lasted five years and ended just before we got married.

Since then, she loves fantasizing about having lovers, doing gang bangs, even some cuckolding fantasies get her off. So she's no prude and not opposed to thinking about it. She did tell me about six years ago that she didn't want to promise something she couldn't do, when I had maybe pressed the question a little too hard while we were on a vacation. I had been telling her for years that she had the freedom to do as she liked with any man she wanted. That particular conversation I said something along the lines of, "I think it will happen when the right guy comes along". She got a slightly embarrassed look on her face and said, "No. I don't think I could do that". To which I replied, "We'll see. Just keep your eyes open. You're sexy as hell and if you find the right one, you might have a lot of fun"! At that point she got a serious look on her face and said, "You seem to think I don't know my own mind! I don't want to promise to do something I don't think I can do"! That was the point I gave up.

Fast forward to January of this year. She's been great about letting me post pictures and videos of her on adult sites like AFF, Adultism, and the like. She DOES get off on the idea that other guys get off looking at her. She's also done quite a bit of anonymous camming for about 13 years. Generally she wants no sound, no real interaction other than her giving a thumbs up or a wave to the guy when he cums. She cums as well while playing with herself. But a new thing happened in January. One of her fans on Adultism asked if she'd be interested in camming. She doen't interact on the site at all, but when I saw this guy's pix in his profile, I knew she'd probably find him attractive. She'd gotten a lot of other camming requests and I've told her about them, but there was generally little to no interest in even looking at their profile. She's just not wired that way. (She loves sex, getting off and hot fantasies, but she puts it all away during her day-to-day most of the time.)

This time I tell her she might want to see this guy's profile. So she agrees to look. Checks out his message requesting a cam session. Then she says, "Well... he IS really good looking. I don't know about camming, but as a halfway step we could make a video for him based on a request". (We did make an introductory video for him where she looked at his profile pix and commented on them.) I had her contact him and tell him that on Adultism. He requested that they chat via Adultism mail and she did that with him for a few minutes before he requested a Skype chat. Surprisingly, she agreed to chat in Skype even after I gave her an exit strategy if she was uncomfrotable! They chatted pretty normally for a few minutes and then she and I got down to our own fun. Eventually we did make the video and send it to him about a week later. He wanted a BJ video where she was pretending to be coming back home from a date with him. She told me she enjoyed making the video and it made her feel hot. Good sign so far.

They chatted a few day later and after getting a rave review from him about the BJ video and her looks and perfoemance, she told both him and I that she was just blindsided. She felt this kind of thing was all far behind her at this point in her life. Not that she doesn't get a lot of attention, affection, love and affirmation like that from me and yeah... those guys on other sites. But her Skype friend made this more real. And she admitted to both liking it, and also feeling like it's really weird. Her Skype friend is 20 years younger than her which almost made her cut this off right at the start. The only reason she didn't is that she felt she'd promised him that video and didn't want to not deliver on it, which sounds like an excuse for herself wanting to do it based on how well I know her after 30+ years. Either way, there were no complaints from any of the three of us in terms of having some fun. But she did tell me, that talking about it during the day or when we're not in bed was a little weird and EMBARRASSING for her.

That brings me to my questions. Looking over the threads here and on other sites where women are hotwifing, there are occasionally women who report feelings of embarrassment while hotwifing. I know every person is different, but one thing I haven't seen a LOT of here is verified hotwives talking about feeling embarrassed. Where I have seen it, it's usually early on in the lifestyle or an experience, but it's never clear if it remains or minimizes over time. So the actual questions:

1. Did you ever experience embarrassed feelings when you first tried hotwifing, and did it go away as you acclimated to the lifestyle? (She said she can't imagine ever being able to just think about this stuff outside of her sexy time compartment)
2. If it didn't go away, does it happen more when you first meet a guy and then disappear when you're comfortable with him?
3. Or... is it there all the time but you care less and less about it because of all the good feelings you're experiencing in the erotic realm?

At this point my wife is plainly fantasizing about fucking her Skype friend and it gets her incredibly wet. This is the most progress in the direction of hotwifing I've seen in many many years and I don't want to screw anything up. I've been letting her drive this, while I just make suggestions to her about what he might want to see/hear in the photos and videos we're making for him. Mainly I told her to just be herself and have fun how she'd like to. Her friend knows she will take a long time to warm up, but he's been handling it very well just being himself and being very patient with her. She's now openly admitted a few things: "Yeah. I think it would be hot to fuck that guy in real life" and "Yeah, it's hot to chat with him and I loved seeing those hot pix of his cock tributing my pix"! She also answered the question if she's REALLY ready to fuck him in real life and won't change her mind (while I was fucking her) with "Yes! Yes! I want to fuck him! It would be so hot! I'm ready to do it! I won't change my mind"! Unlike in the past where she would say, "Sorry honey, I won't really do what we just talked about", she just joked, "There must be some sort of codicil for what just happened. But it was fucking hot"! I'm not expecting a shift to hotwife at all until she really gives me a solid sign, but I feel like this is the closest she's ever been and I REALLY don't want to fuck it up. The reason I'm curious about the embarrassment part of this is that it seems to be her biggest hurdle for a lot of sexual things. When she's gotten past the embarrassment phase, she's opened up to a LOT of things. So, I'd love to know the answers to those questions or if you think I'm reading far to much into this and should just relax. Thank you so much!

[Farmgirl]

1. Did you ever experience embarrassed feelings when you first tried hotwifing, and did it go away as you acclimated to the lifestyle? (She said she can't imagine ever being able to just think about this stuff outside of her sexy time compartment)
2. If it didn't go away, does it happen more when you first meet a guy and then disappear when you're comfortable with him?
3. Or... is it there all the time but you care less and less about it because of all the good feelings you're experiencing in the erotic realm?

When I first started, I was worried that my Number1 wouldn't be able to handle the whole truth, so I at times colored things to not hurt his feelings. Also, there was a little embarrassment for me in doing things that I was brought up to not do. I think those two things are fairly normal for each Hotwife to grapple with and to overcome.
I think it's not so much getting comfortable with the guy as it is in becoming comfortable in your marriage. The wife has to trust her husband and the husband has to trust his wife, that is the important "comfort" here. When we're sure of each other, then this lifestyle becomes easier and fun. The uncertainty of a new lover is easy to handle if there is certainty in the marriage.
So yes, the embarrassment and the uncomfortableness go away as the marriage grows deeper in trust and intimacy.