At a cross road

[Freemans892]

I have tried to push the boundaries on a few occasions to no avail.

Now it’s getting real the thought of me being present at any capacity is too difficult for her.

This revelation has killed off my fantasy and the prospect of sitting at home each week is creating some negative thoughts.

This was a joint venture which has become one sided and I’m struggling to find a positive for myself. Everyone else is eating cake.
The revelation of a third has hurt my feelings. Should her priority be getting comfortable and me involved?

Before I pull the plug completely, I would like the opportunity to reach out for your comments to help enlighten me or other.

My thoughts are that the OP is a natural stag and not a natural cuckold. The OP would be more open to the idea if is able to join in with an MFM arrangement and the OP can at least get enjoyment from the situation, which is typically with a stag/vixen relationship. The OP has wanted to be more adventurous but the wife has pushed back and wants to keep their relationship generally vanilla. My guess is that the “single guy’ probably plays with a cuckold couple, thus is allowed solo play with the other wife and hence why they push for solo play. The OP wife is now thinking she wants a poly arrangement instead of a hotwife (stag/vixen) arrangement.

No wonder the OP feels like it has become one-sided and not positive for himself. What will the wife bring back to the marriage? The wife’s NRE could be quite hard on the OP. I think you need to be completely honest with your wife and state at this stage that “Everyone else is eating cake” and you are getting nothing. You need to discuss how the situation was moved from a win-win situation to what you think is a win-lose situation. There are enough stories on Reddit where men are ‘Venting’ after two years of being forced into a ‘one-sided’ open relationship, where they simply just walk away from the relationship and rebuild their egos. A lot of these men wished that they had just simply walked away from the relationship two years earlier with their ego intact. Be upfront with your wife and tell her you currently don’t see any positives for yourself in the current proposed arrangement and try to move back towards a “win-win’ situation.

On “Ourhotwives”, you generally only see the positive outcomes of a ‘one-sided’ arrangement initiated by the wife. On “Reddit”, you can see both positive and negative outcomes of a ‘one-sided’ arrangement initiated by the wife. Based on what I have seen on Reddit, a win-lose situation when opening up the relationship leads to an end of the relationship in a couple of years. My view point is that if the wife initiates an open relationship arrangement, she needs to be more flexible to get keep the male engaged in the relationship, especially he is a natural stag. The husband/boyfriend/primary needs to fully communicate his feelings to the wife/girlfriend how he is feeling about the whole situation before it actually starts.

[parklife]

The husband/boyfriend/primary needs to fully communicate his feelings to the wife/girlfriend how he is feeling about the whole situation before it actually starts.

I agree with this…. And n both directions…. The husband and the wife need to be open about their thoughts both before and after…. In fact, I agree with a lot of what you’re saying.

Where I don’t agree is why we think there is a “win-win” if she goes along with his desire…. She expressed a desire to casual date others. She didn’t express a desire to be her husband’s sexual entertainment. Yes, she considered it. How often does a third join in on casually dating?

If she enjoys being an exhibitionist and he a voyeur, then sure, it’s a win-win.

If she enjoys casually dating on her own and he enjoys having a wife that fucks other guys, then that can work.

If she only wants solo adventures and he only wants to watch, then it’s a mismatch.

They need to figure out where they stand.

Why do one sided open relationship work? Because one partner doesn’t just ‘put up with’ their sig other being sexually engaged with others but because it turns them on and gets them off. Is that the driver or is the actual act of watching the driver?

We only really know what a poster writes and we try to extrapolate what is unwritten. He’s the one threatening to ‘pull the plug’ and wondering what he gets out of it. Well, if his kink is having a hot wife that that has sex with other guys, I’d say he gets something out the arrangement while also potentially expanding possibilities for the future. Or, he pulls the plug and leaves this in his fantasy kink world and hopes circumstances work out better some day.

I just think he believes he’s offering her a best of both worlds compromise and in reality, he’s just strong arming a ‘my way or the highway’ approach to fantasy fulfillment.

[elina]

I agree with a lot of what Parklife is stating here.

I believe a number of the individuals commenting here are falling into the trap of believing the husband has a veto. Yes in some sense he does. But what if the Lady, and from the OPs description, this is a really attractive and sexy Lady, decides that Her husband is unable to satisfy Her desires, whereas She knows that She can be fully satisfied by playing around with other males and Her husband denies Her this?

She can off course decide to divorce Her Husband. Nobody is obliged to stay married if they conclude that it is no longer the best place to be.

So yes, in some sense those advocating that the OP simply puts his foot down and says NO to his wife is correct. He is entitled to do so. But the consequences may not be to his liking.

Hence in my opinion, the OP needs to have a frank and open conversation with his Wife to understand what alternatives really exist here. Maybe the OP will decide that he prefers to accept his Wife having Her way if that is the way he can stay married to Her and this is his paramount objetive.

Sincerely
elina

[trecital]

The arguments here are going backwards and forwards, left to right, and there are good points being made by everyone.

However, until the OP comes back here and gives more detail, and gives some response to the various points made, then the thread is becoming pointless.

So, BuxomHotwife, give us some feedback.

[coastalkid]

Perhaps I’m too late to the game, but a few thoughts…

The cynic in me reads this as, “my wife expressed a desire because our rationship is strong enough to voice them and handle it. She was clear and concise in what her personal boundaries are. I saw this as an ‘in’ and proceeded to see how I could push this to fit into my fantasy thinking it could satisfy us all. Now that it’s getting closer to reality, my wife realizes she doesn’t want to be my pornstar and be a prop to my fantasy. Instead, she wants it to be about her and her original desire, to casual date because she enjoys the chase. When asked if we can try my fantasy, she doesn’t know (perhaps because she hasn’t put on foot out the door on the first one yet). Not because we can focus on my fantasy the way I fantasize about it playing out, my fantasy is dead and I’m thinking of taking the ball and going home. I mean, I do want my wife to have fun… but what’s in it for me?”

Now, maybe that’s too harsh… but it’s not totally off the mark either. You two clearly have a great relationship to even start the conversations…. Is it perfect? Maybe not but it also moves things forward. There is give and take and often, especially in the early goings, it may seem that one or the other has to do a lot of giving…. But that’s ok…. It gets the wheels in motion and once theyre moving, it’s easier to make your course adjustments.

My wife and I started under different circumstances…. I encouraged her to have extra fun…. For her, she didn’t teams to add another proverbial notch to the belt, so she reconnected to an old flame. It wasn’t ideal in my mind, but looking back, it made her comfortable. Comfortable enough to go thru with it and ultimately share her intimacy with me via videos. If I had held firm that I was t comfortable with her solo with an ex lover, she never would have been comfortable enough to move forward.

My wife once told a friend about our arrangement and her friend was aghast when she heard I don’t get to have fun with others. She said it was unfair to me and if my wife was playing, I should be allowed to play too. Only, for us, what it comes down to is the fact that it fucking turns me on when my wife expressed herself sexually with others. I enjoy it, she enjoys it. My wife would be hurt and mortified if I was with another woman. The idea brings her absolutely no joy whatsoever. That means it’s a non starter for me. Why would I ever do anything to cause that anguish? Fair does not mean equal, fair means both parties are pleased with the outcome they each receive.

For you, you’re thinking it’s neither fair nor equal because you aren’t satisfied with what you get. Just remember, you can’t hit a flush without starting with cards matching suits. In other words, I don’t know if you’ll ever get to watch your wife in action with another man. But I’m pretty darn sure she’ll need to be a hotwife in order to do it. You can try to hit a flush on the deal, but rarely does everything come together so quickly. Perhaps you get a few of the cards to match and then you play your chances on the draw….

A wife has to know that if it's not fun for both of you then it's not going to work. Further, if a wife can't immediately answer when asked what her husband gets out of it then how can she be sure he's enjoying the experience? She has to know that if it's obviously so one-sided that there's no clear benefit for her husband it will collapse under its own weight. I am in total agreement of your description of what "fair" means!