Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

Glad to hear things are still heading in the right direction --- trust is easy to destroy in a moment but it is a long, hard slog to rebuild it and you are living that right now. Thanks for keeping us up to date.

Exactly that—and I’m looking for ways to rebuild the trust.

One point of discussion that many of you will relate to is I’ve been pushing to see if she ever did anything with me on days where she also saw him—specifically had sex with him. My wife has always said she didn’t think so, but wasn’t positive and I never belied her—it’s absolutely something she’d remember if she did, and therefor absolutely know if she didn’t.

The dates in question are Jan. 4/5 (overnight hotel stay, 3 hours of sex at night and another session in morning); Feb. 24/25 (overnight hotel stay, 4 hours of sex at night—with anal—and another session in morning); and March 2 (BJ and swallow in car, then cowgirl sex in driver’s seat until she came).

Of those dates, she’s now 85% sure we had sex on Jan. 5, but it could have been Jan. 6—she remembers because she was very sore after we had sex and recalls knowing it was because of her previous night. The other two days she doesn’t think anything happened, but I still don’t trust her.

It’s all strange due to my fetish—the idea of eating her out afterward or having sloppy seconds sex with her is the hottest thing imaginable, so as I’m healing from the pain of the emotional betrayal, the physical stuff is becoming more of a turn on. I’ve told her I won’t be mad about it—and it seems she believes me—but I’m also dealing with her shame on the topic.

She is overwhelmed by shame and guilt right now and that’s putting up a barrier between us—I’m not sure how to tackle that outside me just being honest and not-judgemental. I’m hoping we’re able to start exploring some of this stuff when we see each other again next week, so maybe I’ll have fun updates for you in the near future.

[Guhunkadorn]

Hoping for the best for your marriage and it's great to see your both trying hard to make it work.

Lots of divorce in my family and when children are involved the negative long term ramifications never end. Believe me though, I do understand that sometimes it is the only solution.

[Chrislydi]

Keep working at it Dr S, sometimes when you hit a small roadblock it's worth stopping a minute and reflecting on the progress you've made from your very worst moments when you were having to prise the evidence from her and it was like getting blood from a stone You really have both come a long way from the toughest times when all looked lost.
.
Guhunkadorn is right about keeping it together if there's a good chance of making it, sometimes the tougher solution of breaking up and divorce is inevitable, but where it isn't you must give it a real go. I'm lucky enough to have no divorce in my wider family whatsoever but that very nearly wasn't the case at all. As a sports, especially rugby and cricket mad 15 year old teenager, i would spend the summer holidays when home from school going for long daily runs around the country lanes of Congleton, Macclesfield and Alderley Edge in Cheshire. To cut to the chase, one afternoon I was out running and spotted a parked car in an unusually isolated spot, the kind of place you would be lucky to see more than a couple of cars every year. My first thought was it couldn't be anyone local but maybe someone is lost and needs help with directions, this was way before sat navs and other aids,. I approached the car to get the shock of my young life as my mum was making out with some Nobby Nobody on the backseat. I wasn't mature or worldly wise just an innocent kid who'd barely started dating and whose world pretty much revolved around cricket, rugby and golf. I didn't alert them to my presence but ran straight back home to our house where I found my younger 8 year old brother and father. Even then I tried to keep it to myself bottle up the hurt and anguish uncertain as to whether to tell my dad or even my little brother.

Eventually I had to tell someone so probably did the worst thing possible and let it slip out when talking to my little brother. As you can imagine an eight year old boy isn't going to keep such a secret very long and when my father tried to dismiss it as nothing, he commited the cardinal error of thinking a bright if immature 15 year old boy is absolutely without any common sense whatsoever. Of course we didn't believe him for one minute and wasted no time in telling him that. We told him mum was having an affair and wake up and do something about it.

The separation followed, my mother left and was still away when we were sent away to school for the Autumn term. My father wrote to me eventually some months later telling of the reconciliation but it had been some of the very worst months of my young life, silently crying myself to sleep in the dorms at night for fear I might be overheard and it seen as a sign of weakness. I really was extremely upset and will never forget it. When your dad and mum are apart and a permanent separation on the cards your little life is ripped apart, all you know is threatened and it's difficult to keep going as if it isn't. Being away at school perhaps taught us to have a modicum of independence and looking after your self of sorts. This however showed me just what a superficial facade that all was, we could be just as upset and insecure as any other schoolboy and I really was very upset indeed.

Chris

[drstrangelove]

Chris and Guhunkadorn, thank you for the comments. Chris, I very much appreciate the personal story you shared.

As you know, I’ve tried to keep the non-sex stuff largely out of this thread, but I will tell you that without our children, I would have divorced my wife months ago. They are the primary reason I’m still here struggling through this with her. Also to be clear, I haven’t yet decided to reconcile; I’m still in limbo as I judge my wife’s behavior.

I do strongly believe that finding a path to reconciliation is what is best for our children, but only if we can both find genuine happiness in our new lives. That’s what I’m after—can we make each other happy? If so, I will find a way to forgive her if for no other reason than the benefit of my children.

I feel fairly clear on what I’m looking for now. In these last four months, I’ve discovered a lot about myself and I’m resolved to know I will be just fine without my wife. I’m relatively young (38), good looking, fit, have money and a good, secure job. The dating market for me would be a lot of fun right now. And I’d be lying if I pretended I hadn’t given it lots of thought. But it’s not about what would be the most fun option for me. I’d never be able to live with myself the rest of my life if I gave up on trying to reconcile without being entirely certain that this marriage can’t be saved.

I’m giving my wife every opportunity to win me back right now.

It’s all very strange how incorporated the cuckold stuff is though, but considering the crisis we’re facing, it makes sense.

We’re on separate vacations now for a week, so I’m hoping the space does her well—but we’re also having an email exchange centered on my cuckold fetish. It’s the first time I can see she’s really listening to me and not just shutting down. At least so far, but we’ll see how it resolves.

A big part for me is that I wish I could feel like the affair wasn’t something she did to me, but instead with me. She could have potentially done all the same stuff and told me about it and I may have enjoyed it thoroughly. But now looking at it, she has all this shame and I have all this betrayal to sort through. I’m hoping I can get her to confide in me without all the guilt she’s carrying and just explore it all with me honestly.

And I’m not closing the door to potential cuckold fun with her in the future—the more I have thought about it, I feel like that would be a really potent path to my healing. Doing something like her affair but with my knowledge—something we do together rather than behind my back. Perhaps it would erase over all the pain with fun and lust. I also recognize the risks in that, so we’ll need to start small and build up our relationship.

[FNQLivin]

I’m a random on the internet and you can totally ignore this.

When I read what you write, I see a lot of ‘me me me’ and little ‘us us us’. You’re wife was unfaithful to you and whilst you were betrayed and devastated, you act as though you had no influence on this. But from your writings here over the years, you seem to have sent messages to her about this and if nothing else, that sex with you was average at best and almost to the point where you self sabotaged your own sex life. Is it therefore not surprising that she sought and found the physical attention she was missing at home? Ok, she didn’t do this the way you wanted it done, but that’s not her fault. Just because this is your kink doesn’t mean it was hers.

From the outside, it looks like she is trying very hard. On the contrary, you seem to be placing roadblocks and hurdles that are ever increasing in height to test her depth of regret. You also seem to think this is purely your decision. She might think this is not worth it and make the decision for you. Unless you’ve got a watertight prenup, then she will likely get custody of the kids, half the assets and ongoing maintenance.

Sometimes a bit of self reflection can add perspective.

[drstrangelove]

I’m a random on the internet and you can totally ignore this.

When I read what you write, I see a lot of ‘me me me’ and little ‘us us us’. You’re wife was unfaithful to you and whilst you were betrayed and devastated, you act as though you had no influence on this. But from your writings here over the years, you seem to have sent messages to her about this and if nothing else, that sex with you was average at best and almost to the point where you self sabotaged your own sex life. Is it therefore not surprising that she sought and found the physical attention she was missing at home? Ok, she didn’t do this the way you wanted it done, but that’s not her fault. Just because this is your kink doesn’t mean it was hers.

From the outside, it looks like she is trying very hard. On the contrary, you seem to be placing roadblocks and hurdles that are ever increasing in height to test her depth of regret. You also seem to think this is purely your decision. She might think this is not worth it and make the decision for you. Unless you’ve got a watertight prenup, then she will likely get custody of the kids, half the assets and ongoing maintenance.

Sometimes a bit of self reflection can add perspective.

So there’s a lot to unpack there, but I’ll do my best to quickly answer a few points.

I agree that our marriage had problems—and both of us were to blame—but the affair was 100% her fault. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion.

Cuckolding was certainly not her kink, but it wasn’t the fetish specifically, it was everything sexual. She carried a lot of shame over sex and that all came out (and worsened) with the affair. She is dedicating herself to sorting through that shame now and I’m doing my best to support her progress.

The decision to reconcile is always mutual decision—neither of us can unilaterally decide it. In this case, my wife very desperately wants to reconcile, so the decision has been left up to me to decide if I want to meet her on that path and back in our marriage. At any time either of us can change our minds and walk away—I’m well prepared for that and perhaps so is she.

We have a prenup and it has nothing to do with the kids, who would have split custody.

Lastly, I have 100 pages of threads on an infidelity forum, so I’ve written plenty about the emotional turmoil of our post-affair life. I’ve decided to not get into that as much here, trying to keep it focused on sex—so of course it appears that I’m the one pushing things as I in fact am the one pushing all the sex stuff.

In my wife’s defense, she is more open minded to everything now—not out of a change of heart or guilt, but because she recognizes how closed off she was to me sexually and wants to be more open-minded.

[subtoall]

I agree that our marriage had problems—and both of us were to blame—but the affair was 100% her fault. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion.

I am confident that as long as you hold onto this belief, there is little hope of reconciliation for you two. This kind of belief is a deal killer for a healthy marriage, no matter what happened in the past.

Any relationship's success and durability is a mutual responsibility. It takes mutual forgiveness, accountability and trust to repair it when it has been lost. It is never one person's fault. Believing so is a death knell.

I hope for all your sakes that you come around to understanding and living by this. I'm pulling for you.

[jratt85]

Once again I have to say, if your relationship is rocky, bringing someone else into it isn't ever going to fix anything. You have to have a stable relationship before bringing anyone else in or they will become the source of a lot of hatred and jealousy and you potentially won't only make your life worse for it, but fuck up theirs as well.. And this isn't just coming from some stupid virgin that's never been out on a date.. it's from a LOT of research into relationships, BDSM, swinging etc over the years.. because my autism makes me HAVE to research anything that catches my attention. I could link a lot of videos from sex therapists and whatnot but you can easily find them yourself. Affairs of any kind can only hurt a relationship, not fix the problems you have.

[drstrangelove]

I agree that our marriage had problems—and both of us were to blame—but the affair was 100% her fault. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion.

I am confident that as long as you hold onto this belief, there is little hope of reconciliation for you two. This kind of belief is a deal killer for a healthy marriage, no matter what happened in the past.

Any relationship's success and durability is a mutual responsibility. It takes mutual forgiveness, accountability and trust to repair it when it has been lost. It is never one person's fault. Believing so is a death knell.

I hope for all your sakes that you come around to understanding and living by this. I'm pulling for you.

Not the place to get into a debate on this, but if you’re interested, you should read a bit about infidelity and recovery from it. The wayward taking full responsibility for the affair is essentially the first step toward reconciliation—and my wife has done that.

FWIW, I didn’t know or understand any of this four months ago either—but there’s been a lot of therapy and reading since I discovered the affair. It’s also why several people on this forum wisely told me to go to an infidelity forum to discuss my next steps rather than a sexual link forum lol.

[drstrangelove]

Once again I have to say, if your relationship is rocky, bringing someone else into it isn't ever going to fix anything. You have to have a stable relationship before bringing anyone else in or they will become the source of a lot of hatred and jealousy and you potentially won't only make your life worse for it, but fuck up theirs as well.. And this isn't just coming from some stupid virgin that's never been out on a date.. it's from a LOT of research into relationships, BDSM, swinging etc over the years.. because my autism makes me HAVE to research anything that catches my attention. I could link a lot of videos from sex therapists and whatnot but you can easily find them yourself. Affairs of any kind can only hurt a relationship, not fix the problems you have.

You’re 100% right. We have to repair and rebuild our marriage if we hope to do anything like cuckolding down the line. That would likely be years away if it ever happened. But we both do seem open with flirting with lesser things in the present.

We had a great sexting session last night. First we made an agreement that is cut porn out entirely—so if I want to cum without her, it has to be from the pics and vids she sends me (and she’s been sending me a lot in the last few months). She’s also open to make many more vids—I’m going to film her giving me a BJ and swallowing my load for the camera when I see her again on Thursday.

We also played out our fantasy of what we’re going to do on Thursday with me being in the dominant role and I jerked off to it. We both enjoy both submissive and dominant roles, so it’s fun to swap around with it. In the past, she was very guarded about this stuff, now she’s acting free and loose and open to much more—which is promising.

[magnus]

Just a random observation about your situation, the language you use and how it might be making it difficult to move forward.

I've noticed a few times you mentioned your wife's cheating as something she did to you. While it certainly affected you and it's certainly hurtful to you, she didn't do it to you. People don't do things to you they do things for themselves. Your wife cheated for her, for whatever reasons. I really think it's important to focus on that and let go of the belief that this was something she did to you. If you can't get past that I doubt you have a future together.

I also agree with you that the "affair was 100% her fault", however if you feel you played no role in that whatsoever and have zero ownership, again I'm doubtful for your future with your wife.

At some point you're going to have to forgive her and move forward. That doesn't mean you forget, but you decide to forgive and never throw it in her face again, unless there is a recurrence. It sounds like you've punished her and she's punished herself and it's probably time for that to end. There are no guarantees it will never happen again and if you're waiting to get a guarantee you can believe in 100% it isn't going to happen. There are no guarantees of anything in life and sometimes you just have to move forward in as good a faith as you can.

FWIW, I've walked a few miles in your shoes in a very similar situation with a very similar kink dynamic. We had the long nights of emotionally brutal talks and rehashed the issue many times. At some point it had to become a part of the past and I had to make the decision to trust her again and leave the issue to die. Our relationship is better than it's ever been in our 20 years together. I can't say with a 100% certainty it will never happen again. I don't think it will, but there are no guarantees. I choose to live each day for today and right now life is pretty damn sweet.

[drstrangelove]

Just a random observation about your situation, the language you use and how it might be making it difficult to move forward.

I've noticed a few times you mentioned your wife's cheating as something she did to you. While it certainly affected you and it's certainly hurtful to you, she didn't do it to you. People don't do things to you they do things for themselves. Your wife cheated for her, for whatever reasons. I really think it's important to focus on that and let go of the belief that this was something she did to you. If you can't get past that I doubt you have a future together.

I also agree with you that the "affair was 100% her fault", however if you feel you played no role in that whatsoever and have zero ownership, again I'm doubtful for your future with your wife.

At some point you're going to have to forgive her and move forward. That doesn't mean you forget, but you decide to forgive and never throw it in her face again, unless there is a recurrence. It sounds like you've punished her and she's punished herself and it's probably time for that to end. There are no guarantees it will never happen again and if you're waiting to get a guarantee you can believe in 100% it isn't going to happen. There are no guarantees of anything in life and sometimes you just have to move forward in as good a faith as you can.

FWIW, I've walked a few miles in your shoes in a very similar situation with a very similar kink dynamic. We had the long nights of emotionally brutal talks and rehashed the issue many times. At some point it had to become a part of the past and I had to make the decision to trust her again and leave the issue to die. Our relationship is better than it's ever been in our 20 years together. I can't say with a 100% certainty it will never happen again. I don't think it will, but there are no guarantees. I choose to live each day for today and right now life is pretty damn sweet.

Magnus, thank you for the post. We agree.

Regarding feeling like something was done to me, it’s specific to her deceit and betrayal of our partnership; not tied to her having sex with another man.

Admittedly, it’s been difficult for me to unpack that emotionally these last four months. I do recognize that one issue I’ve worsened is that my feelings of emotional betrayal were commingled with my feelings of shame for my kink internally and all of that was conflated by her overwhelming shame for all of it.

Bottom line is that I need to help her undo all the shame she feels about sex and disgust she feels for herself right now or *she* won’t be able to heal from this.

As for the blame, it’s all on her, but then what? I don’t get a prize for that. I’ve been eager to move to forgive her this whole time, but she’s kept me at a distance by frequently acting defensive and not remorseful. It’s trapped us in a limbo.

I’m going to do everything I can to push passed this limbo when we return from our vacations. If she stops fighting me, I’d like to move to reconciliation and put the entire affair behind us to see if we can build a new relationship together.

**

Separately, we had an interesting text exchange last night. I’ve begun my work of trying to explain to her my kink has nothing to do with devaluing her (into a whore), instead it’s about me feeling like she has such high value—that I think she is so gorgeous and so many other men want her, and how lucky I am to be married to her.

She told me that right now, because of all the shame and disgust she has for herself, she could never imagine having another affair with or without my knowledge, but she hopes the difference now is that *if* something like the spark that happened with her affair partner happened again, she’d feel like she could talk to me about it. To her, even though she was aware of my kink, she never believed I’d be ok with it in reality—she though I would divorce her instantly. So now that I haven’t divorced her, she recognizes I’m serious about the kink.

I’m going to do my best to make her feel comfortable again—help her remove the shame. I’m also going to promote her asking me more questions about my kink so she can hopefully understand it more. And lastly, she said she is open to exploring it however I want now as long as it only involves us, so I need to think of the best way to do that with the primary intent being her gradual acceptance of it.

I think the best step is to share with her some of the things that turn me on most and then ask if she can incorporate the stuff into a dirty talk session—and then be complimentary of whatever she does so she feels good about it. It feels to me that she was never very comfortable about any of this in the past and now she is much more open to it.

Truthfully, I feel like it will be easy to progress to perhaps her masterbating online with another guy in the coming months because she can do that with me from the safety of her own bed. We also can explore more with the cock cage.

I just need to also give her what she needs in being dominated herself—I recognize a few times a month she needs to check that box, so I plan to go all out when we see each other on Thursday—I’ve already told her in detail what I want her to do for me:

- Take a bath to relax, then get dolled up in makeup, sexy lingerie and red high heels. Wait for me.
- when I come in the room, she’s going to give me a BJ fully dressed while I film it—swallow my cum.
- look up at me while gently kissing all over my cock and beg me to please fuck her.
- I’m going to tease her with my fingers for a bit, not letting her cum and listen to her beg for release.
- I’ll then fuck her with her legs up so I can enjoy her heels, then move to a deep and hard missionary so she cums.
- then she’ll take the top and ride my cock until I get close to my second orgasm, at which point she will hop off my dick and lick all her cum off my cock and swallow my second load.

I will try to film it all, but we’ll see how it goes. She is wet just thinking about the experience—so my hope is that if we can push for kinky, fun stuff like this a few times a month, we’ll push her boundaries gradually with the cuckold stuff as well.

[drstrangelove]

After a lot of thought, I sent my wife an email and I thought I’d share part of it with you all as I’m open to feedback on how I’m handling this. My priority is her being able to let go of all the shame she has for her sexuality and I’m hoping this is a good start:

I forgive you for the affair, [wife]. I feel horrible that you were so down on yourself and had to experience that dark time in your life so alone. I never want you to feel so far away from me again. I love you with all my heart.

I think the hang up these last few months has been a few things. On my end, I feel so betrayed emotionally and it commingled with my own shame over my cuckold kink—it left me feeling incredibly vulnerable to you and despite how hard I was trying, I couldn’t let me guard completely down. So when you’d get defensive and fight me on anything, I’d put my wall up, thinking you still didn’t love and respect me and had no remorse for what you did.

On your end, you’re dealing with your own shame for what you did and you’ve been unable to get out from under it. I want to be there to help you heal from that rather than you feel like you have to carry that weight on your own.

I’m hopeful we can string together some great days and weeks moving forward, where we are both listening to each other and showing our love for each other—no more walls—and then move to reconcile and build an incredible marriage. I want that with you more than anything.

And as for the cuckold stuff, I still get the sense it scares you a bit. As I’ve mentioned though, my hope is we can resolve that through you asking me questions. I’d like you to probe into what and why things turn me on—as [my therapist] has pointed out, I should be leveraging my feelings on this to heal, rather than feeling ashamed and dragging this out.

My promise to you is that I will *never* make you feel bad about something you say or ask on this topic (hopefully any topic lol), but I recognize that I enjoy the humiliation aspect of the kink and it’s impossible for you to safely navigate that if you think I’m going to be hurt by something you say to me.

As an example, the “hurtful” comment you made to [affair partner] about him being better than me in bed: it turned me on. But I didn’t know how to deal with that feeling—I felt so much shame over my kink instead because of how vulnerable I felt in our relationship. I need to let all that go so I can be authentic and you can feel like you’re not waking on egg shells.

Bottom line, I’ve forgiven you for having sex with someone else and I’m open to you doing it again down the line if you find yourself in a situation with a similar spark you want to explore—I want you to live as full a life as you can and feel entirely secure that I’ll be by your side through it all. I will never cheat on you—in fact, giving you the comfort of sexual options and me none turns me on anyway (probably something we can explore with dirty talk).

I also will never *expect* you to leverage the option I’m giving you—that’s solely your choice and your power. There is an endless amount of fun we can explore with cuckolding between only the two of us. As you wrote last night: let’s take baby steps into all of this. I’m just so happy you’re open to it all that I’m going to do everything I can to never make you feel uncomfortable about any of it.

But before we do any of that, don’t think I forgot what’s on tap for Thursday night. I love the idea of exploring the entire spectrum of our sexuality and Thursday you’ve promised to be all mine however I want you. And I sure do want you.

[drstrangelove]

So I thought I'd give another update now that I'm home from my trip with my wife returning tomorrow (also some chastity cage advice needed on bottom of post). We had a really hot sexting session last night in which she seems to have really taken to the idea of the cock cage. The setup is that earlier in the week we had a really hot sessino with me being dominant and planning out our Thursday night and all the things I was going to do to her, so last night she responded with her in the dominant role, so I thoguht I'd share some of the convo:

Her: I can't wait until you lick my pussy and kiss me all over. Maybe that's when I'll use the cage.

Me: That'd be very hot. Locked up and only get to fuck you with my tongue.

Her: And I can watch you squirm. And beg. And want to cum so bad.

Me: Like I do right now.

Her: Your dick will be so hard you'll ache to cum.

Me: You could put the key on your necklace maybe so it's teasing me out of reach.

Her: I'm going to hide the key. Only for me to know.

Me: That's scary with how forgetful you are

Her: Maybe I'll keep you that way for 20 mins, 1 hour or 2 days.

Me: With me begging to do anything you want.

Her: Begging. Wanting to cum. Wanting to feel that hard dick inside me.

Me: The cage will be a constant reminder of who owns my dick. Gently squeezing the cage as you pass me in the house, smirking knowing I'm at your disposal just so I have a chance to cum.

Her: Touching your dick inside of the cage.

Me: I'll be twitching against the hard plastic.

Her: And then once you've begged enough I might gently let you out.

**

We've also discussed other ways to use the cage and the idea seems to be growing on her--maybe having me wear it out to dinner or around the house at times. So now tonight I'm back home alone and I decided to give it a longer test drive to make sure it's ok before wearing it for any length of time.

So the good news is chatting about it with her tonight, I can tell my wife *really* likes it and she's coming up with more ideas for it. She likes that I won't be able to disagree with her while wearing it (I can be argumentative at times).

The bad news is the size I got was clearly wrong. I bought a CB6000, but the the one I got was a cage 3.25 inches long and my dick flaccid is about 4 inches. I figured it would be fine, but I think the cage might be too small for me--what's happening is the ring is pulling away from my torso and is pressed against the back of my balls--I assume that's bad, perhaps even dangerous? But maybe it's normal.

They have a larger one ("The Curve"), but it's 3.75 inches long, so my fear is while it might be better, it still might be an issue and these are relatively expensive to just be blindly testing. I'm thinking maybe I try to squeeze into a tighter ring so it can't slide, but I'm using the largest one and it feels really tight already.

And I know the prevailing advice is to go with a custom metal one, but then the price gets even higher and I wasn't sure this would be a longterm thing or not. Any advice is appreciated!

[residueS]

After a lot of thought, I sent my wife an email and I thought I’d share part of it with you all as I’m open to feedback on how I’m handling this. My priority is her being able to let go of all the shame she has for her sexuality and I’m hoping this is a good start:

I forgive you for the affair, [wife]. I feel horrible that you were so down on yourself and had to experience that dark time in your life so alone. I never want you to feel so far away from me again. I love you with all my heart.

I think the hang up these last few months has been a few things. On my end, I feel so betrayed emotionally and it commingled with my own shame over my cuckold kink—it left me feeling incredibly vulnerable to you and despite how hard I was trying, I couldn’t let me guard completely down. So when you’d get defensive and fight me on anything, I’d put my wall up, thinking you still didn’t love and respect me and had no remorse for what you did.

On your end, you’re dealing with your own shame for what you did and you’ve been unable to get out from under it. I want to be there to help you heal from that rather than you feel like you have to carry that weight on your own.

I’m hopeful we can string together some great days and weeks moving forward, where we are both listening to each other and showing our love for each other—no more walls—and then move to reconcile and build an incredible marriage. I want that with you more than anything.

And as for the cuckold stuff, I still get the sense it scares you a bit. As I’ve mentioned though, my hope is we can resolve that through you asking me questions. I’d like you to probe into what and why things turn me on—as [my therapist] has pointed out, I should be leveraging my feelings on this to heal, rather than feeling ashamed and dragging this out.

My promise to you is that I will *never* make you feel bad about something you say or ask on this topic (hopefully any topic lol), but I recognize that I enjoy the humiliation aspect of the kink and it’s impossible for you to safely navigate that if you think I’m going to be hurt by something you say to me.

As an example, the “hurtful” comment you made to [affair partner] about him being better than me in bed: it turned me on. But I didn’t know how to deal with that feeling—I felt so much shame over my kink instead because of how vulnerable I felt in our relationship. I need to let all that go so I can be authentic and you can feel like you’re not waking on egg shells.

Bottom line, I’ve forgiven you for having sex with someone else and I’m open to you doing it again down the line if you find yourself in a situation with a similar spark you want to explore—I want you to live as full a life as you can and feel entirely secure that I’ll be by your side through it all. I will never cheat on you—in fact, giving you the comfort of sexual options and me none turns me on anyway (probably something we can explore with dirty talk).

I also will never *expect* you to leverage the option I’m giving you—that’s solely your choice and your power. There is an endless amount of fun we can explore with cuckolding between only the two of us. As you wrote last night: let’s take baby steps into all of this. I’m just so happy you’re open to it all that I’m going to do everything I can to never make you feel uncomfortable about any of it.

But before we do any of that, don’t think I forgot what’s on tap for Thursday night. I love the idea of exploring the entire spectrum of our sexuality and Thursday you’ve promised to be all mine however I want you. And I sure do want you.

Thanks for the update! I this is a really heartfelt letter. Best wish for you two.

[jratt85]

As long as it's not hurting your balls or they aren't turning color you should be fine.. but if you start to get hard it's going to hurt no matter what, it's what they are designed for. Something else you might want to get is a hollow dildo/strapon or a cock sheath that'll add and extra inch or two and some girth and surprise her with you wearing it. It'll give her a bigger dick, cut back your sensitivity a lot and if you still happen to cum from it inside of it, then obviously she can humiliate you for it and even make you drink your own cum out of it... and the hollow ones can also be stuffed with a dildo should she need a "longer dicking" after you've cum but she still wants "her big fucking cock" for longer than you can keep it up.. at that point she could even put your cage on you and keep fucking the bigger dick without you getting anything from it... other than seeing her pleasure.

[drstrangelove]

As long as it's not hurting your balls or they aren't turning color you should be fine.. but if you start to get hard it's going to hurt no matter what, it's what they are designed for. Something else you might want to get is a hollow dildo/strapon or a cock sheath that'll add and extra inch or two and some girth and surprise her with you wearing it. It'll give her a bigger dick, cut back your sensitivity a lot and if you still happen to cum from it inside of it, then obviously she can humiliate you for it and even make you drink your own cum out of it... and the hollow ones can also be stuffed with a dildo should she need a "longer dicking" after you've cum but she still wants "her big fucking cock" for longer than you can keep it up.. at that point she could even put your cage on you and keep fucking the bigger dick without you getting anything from it... other than seeing her pleasure.

The problem is my dick is already too big for her—size isn’t the issue. There are plenty of positions we can’t do now because they hurt her too much; or when we do then, I have to not go all in.

Drinking my cum is likely an avenue I’ll try to explore moving forward though as I think she’ll be very open to it—it still scares me a bit—I’m guessing the best way to try it the first time would be to have her snowball me (we already kiss after she swallows, so it’s be a logical next step).

[jratt85]

As long as it's not hurting your balls or they aren't turning color you should be fine.. but if you start to get hard it's going to hurt no matter what, it's what they are designed for. Something else you might want to get is a hollow dildo/strapon or a cock sheath that'll add and extra inch or two and some girth and surprise her with you wearing it. It'll give her a bigger dick, cut back your sensitivity a lot and if you still happen to cum from it inside of it, then obviously she can humiliate you for it and even make you drink your own cum out of it... and the hollow ones can also be stuffed with a dildo should she need a "longer dicking" after you've cum but she still wants "her big fucking cock" for longer than you can keep it up.. at that point she could even put your cage on you and keep fucking the bigger dick without you getting anything from it... other than seeing her pleasure.

The problem is my dick is already too big for her—size isn’t the issue. There are plenty of positions we can’t do now because they hurt her too much; or when we do then, I have to not go all in.

Drinking my cum is likely an avenue I’ll try to explore moving forward though as I think she’ll be very open to it—it still scares me a bit—I’m guessing the best way to try it the first time would be to have her snowball me (we already kiss after she swallows, so it’s be a logical next step).

I know that feeling.. or at least I would if I had a partner... from what I've been told. Hey, you've already cleaned her up after cuming in/on her so what's the difference of eating it directly? A strapon while you are caged could definitely be a thing for her.. Or hell they even make one that goes over your face... check out Extreme Restraints and all the fun stuff they have on there. (I'm a bit of a toy guy, have been since my teens so I know A LOT about them.. I've got over 1,000 I'd love to have lol)

[drstrangelove]

As long as it's not hurting your balls or they aren't turning color you should be fine.. but if you start to get hard it's going to hurt no matter what, it's what they are designed for. Something else you might want to get is a hollow dildo/strapon or a cock sheath that'll add and extra inch or two and some girth and surprise her with you wearing it. It'll give her a bigger dick, cut back your sensitivity a lot and if you still happen to cum from it inside of it, then obviously she can humiliate you for it and even make you drink your own cum out of it... and the hollow ones can also be stuffed with a dildo should she need a "longer dicking" after you've cum but she still wants "her big fucking cock" for longer than you can keep it up.. at that point she could even put your cage on you and keep fucking the bigger dick without you getting anything from it... other than seeing her pleasure.

The problem is my dick is already too big for her—size isn’t the issue. There are plenty of positions we can’t do now because they hurt her too much; or when we do then, I have to not go all in.

Drinking my cum is likely an avenue I’ll try to explore moving forward though as I think she’ll be very open to it—it still scares me a bit—I’m guessing the best way to try it the first time would be to have her snowball me (we already kiss after she swallows, so it’s be a logical next step).

I know that feeling.. or at least I would if I had a partner... from what I've been told. Hey, you've already cleaned her up after cuming in/on her so what's the difference of eating it directly? A strapon while you are caged could definitely be a thing for her.. Or hell they even make one that goes over your face... check out Extreme Restraints and all the fun stuff they have on there. (I'm a bit of a toy guy, have been since my teens so I know A LOT about them.. I've got over 1,000 I'd love to have lol)

Nah, I mean I’ve gotten a little bit of it here and there, but never a full clean up situation—she also hasn’t been on BC for about five years, so no more cream pies. She did start swallowing during the affair, so now I’m very often ending sex by cuming in her mouth and it honestly feels better—her going from pussy to mouth most sessions is hot especially since we are fooling around multiple times a day, so she’s eating a ton of cum. I’m going to fuck her all night tonight since I haven’t seen her in eight days lol.

But yea, I suspect she’ll be down with snowballing one day, so we’ll see.

[magnus]

I've enjoyed reading your updates and it really sounds like you two are moving in a positive direction, in no small part due to your calm leadership. I'm pulling for you guys and hope it all works out and it leads to a satisfying life together filled with sexual and emotional intimacy.

[drstrangelove]

So while not a cuck-related update, I certainly have a big sex update to share.

On Thursday, after the kids went to bed, my wife went up to change into lingerie and I came up about 10 minutes later (it was about 8:30 p.m.).

She was on the bed, wearing black thigh highs, a black g-string and a black corset. She looked absurdly hot—so much so, that we did a quick photo shoot (I will see if I can convince her to let me post some photos that don’t show her face).

I then was hit by a flash of sadness, recognizing her outfit was nearly identical to what she was wearing when she opened the hotel room door for her affair partner on Feb. 24. Every part of me went into flight mode and I tried to sprint out the door, but caught myself. I really didn’t want to run away from this.

I went to the bed instead and took off my cloths—we made out and she teased me for about 10 minutes, kissing and caressing me. She then moved down to give me a blowjob, which I filmed. She made me pop in a little more than five minutes—it was a huge load from eight days of no sex and all the buildup during the day—I have no idea how she managed it, but she swallowed every drop.

We then went right into round 2, with me caressing her body and working my finger over her clit and the other hand alternating onto her nipples. I teased her mercilessly, never letting her achieve an orgasm. After a bit, I moved down to eat her out, going slowly, tracing my tongue in circles around her clit. She was writhing around on the bed. I eventually flipped her legs up and pinned her knees down and darted me tongue deeper and faster until she quickly had a big orgasm.

She was catching her breath and I didn’t let go of her knees, I just sat up a worked the first half of my dick inside her. I can typically only go about half way in this position because my dick hurts her (I’m only 7”, but she’s really small). Her next orgasm started to build quickly and I kept getting a little deeper, with a few strokes sliding all the way in—she came again.

As she recovered, she flipped on top of me to ride me cowgirl. She sat up straight and sank all the way up and down with me thrusting fast to meet her. We fucked like that for a long time—probably about 10 minutes—with her ending up collapsed on my test after another orgasm and me wrapping my arms around her writhing, sweaty body as I fucked her hard from underneath.

I then rolled her over and fucked her hard missionary, holding her head between my forearms and viscously fucking her as hard and deep as I could, slamming every inch inside her her until she had yet another orgasm. Moments later I reached mine and pulled out and came all over her tits.

I was entirely exhausted from the jet lag and lack of sleep, but I looked at the clock and it was only 9:31 p.m., so I knew the night couldn’t be over yet.

We chatted for nearly an hour about various things and at around 10:30 p.m., she initiated some kissing again and then reached for her vibrator. She spread her legs and began to use it as she leaned back and moaned—I kissed her, but largely licked and sucked on her nipples. Realizing how hot she looked, now only in the thigh highs, I decided to take another video, so l lowered myself down on the bed to get a better angle, looking up at her. I caressed her leg and filmed her for about five minutes before her orgasm.

I was initially a bit curious if I’d be able to go again—I’d never gone three times in the same night before and now that I’m 38 I wondered if I even could. Filming her masterbating answered that question quickly as I was rock hard again, though I knew another orgasm might not happen.

I grabbed some lube and then moved in for round 3, starting missionary. I was physically exhausted though, so after a few minutes, I rolled to my side and fucked her lazy doggy. I fucked her deep and hard for a *long* time; my arms wrapped around her body, pinning her close as I had my way with her. I was using her body entirety for my pleasure as I rammed my cock inside her as far as I could for nearly an hour. I’d have spurts of fast paced fucking here and there when she was orgasming, but I was largely just going slow and steady; as deep and as hard as I could.

Eventually I flipped her onto her stomach into prone position—another position that can sometimes hurt if I go to deep, but not this time—she was so wet and open by this point I could have probably fucked her with a 12” dildo. I fucked her hard, bouncing up and down on her perfect ass for about 10 minutes before finally pulling out and covering her ass and back with my third load of the night.

It was around 11:45 p.m. now and I was fucking exhausted; we cuddled up and went to bed. If not for my daughter coming in to sleep with us in the middle of the night, I’d have probably *tried* to fuck her again in the morning, but who knows as I was really spent lol.

**

Then also a quick update on last night. Kids went to bed early (they’re sick), so we put on the new Netflix movie, Gray Man, at around 7:30 p.m. We were cuddled on the couch and about 30 minutes in my wife initiates and starts making out with me. My hand roams inside her white g-string to play with her clit while she takes off my pants and starts stroking my dick.

This goes on for a long time—probably about 40 minutes—with her leaned back, eyes closed, enjoying my hand and using hers on me while I watched the movie (the book was significantly better btw). I asked her for head, but she said not until I made her cum—I was feeling obstinate though and enjoying absentmindedly teasing her while I watched the movie.

She couldn’t take it anymore and went to get her toy and came back. She used the toy on herself and made quick work to get to an orgasm. She then immediately rolled over and began sucking on my dick—it was one of the best BJs I can recall with her going deeper in her mouth than usual (I think it was the angle, so it’s something I’m going to keep in mind moving forward).

It felt really good and I could have cum like that, but after about five minutes I started using my finger on her again—she immediately noted that she was spent and there was no way she could cum again. I just told her: “We’ll see.”

I then told her to get up on the couch and she did, on her hands and knees. I worked my finger deeper, fucking her a bit like that while making sure to keep hitting her clit. She was soaking wet again in minutes. I sat up and began to work my dick inside her doggystyle.

I got a good rhythm going, deep, hard and steady until she began to loose her mind, yelling out how good it felt (I thought she was going to wake the kids). I went faster until she had a massive orgasm.

She exclaimed: “Holy fuck; I want to swallow your cum.”

So I lied back, my dick covered in her orgasm as she quickly put her hair up and dove down onto my dick again with her mouth. She went hard and fast for just a few minutes until I unloaded down her throat; again, she didn’t miss a drop.

**

So we had a good couple of nights and we both are starting to feel really connected—emotionally and physically. And we have never had sex like this before, so it’s been really fun. I know it’s not cuck-related, but I thought I’d share the stories anyway as it feels like this is an important step in building our connection.

We do have plans to discuss my submissive fetishes more this weekend—probably tonight—I had sent her a few emails while away about my various kinks and she wants to dig in and ask me some more questions. She is seemingly open to trying everything (as long as it just involves us for now), so we’ll see if my next story is more in line with my fantasies.

[SixInchDick]

Wow do I envy you. After having kids, your wife is still horny, still gives blow jobs and enjoys play time. You’re extremely lucky in that regard!

[drstrangelove]

I thought I'd give an update on the kink conversation from the other night. It's hard to judge how it went as I can tell my wife is really trying to wrap her head around how my mind works regarding sex. From her perspective, involvement of another man--either in reality or fantasy--was a non-starter for her at this point. She's spent four months wrestling with the shame of what she did in the affair and is not emotionally prepared to explore that further right now.

That leaves everything else on the table--as long as it doesn't involve the fantasy of other guys or interacting with them, she said she's game to try anything out.

I gave her examples of things she's done in the past that have turned me on (jerking me off and not letting me fuck her while talking dirty; asking me for oral sex, etc.), along with the things I'd like to do that we've never done. The small problem seems to be that my kink involves her leading and taking the dominant role and it seems that she just wants to have me tell her what she should do. Not a big issue as I'm sure we can work through that and she'll run with specific thoughts once she understands each.

One of the fantasies I shared with her was eating my cum and she actually brought it up while we were fooling around last night. She asked if I wanted to lick my cum off her after I came. I really wasn't feeling it though--I'm fighting off a cold, was really tired, it was a lackluster sex session and the kink involves me being pushed or "forced" into doing that kind of thing. So I passed, but I did talk with her about it afterward and thanked her for raising it.

I guess now I just need to figure out what to do next. We have the cage and her vibrator and my wife expressed interest in forcing me to jerk off and watch her orgasm--she thought that idea was hot, we just haven't tried it yet.

I'm just not entirely sure how to proceed as my wife is entirely green on all of this. She has expressed genuine interest in learning and playing around with my kinks though, so that's promising.

[mundyman]

I thought I'd give an update on the kink conversation from the other night. It's hard to judge how it went as I can tell my wife is really trying to wrap her head around how my mind works regarding sex. From her perspective, involvement of another man--either in reality or fantasy--was a non-starter for her at this point. She's spent four months wrestling with the shame of what she did in the affair and is not emotionally prepared to explore that further right now.

That leaves everything else on the table--as long as it doesn't involve the fantasy of other guys or interacting with them, she said she's game to try anything out.

I gave her examples of things she's done in the past that have turned me on (jerking me off and not letting me fuck her while talking dirty; asking me for oral sex, etc.), along with the things I'd like to do that we've never done. The small problem seems to be that my kink involves her leading and taking the dominant role and it seems that she just wants to have me tell her what she should do. Not a big issue as I'm sure we can work through that and she'll run with specific thoughts once she understands each.

One of the fantasies I shared with her was eating my cum and she actually brought it up while we were fooling around last night. She asked if I wanted to lick my cum off her after I came. I really wasn't feeling it though--I'm fighting off a cold, was really tired, it was a lackluster sex session and the kink involves me being pushed or "forced" into doing that kind of thing. So I passed, but I did talk with her about it afterward and thanked her for raising it.

I guess now I just need to figure out what to do next. We have the cage and her vibrator and my wife expressed interest in forcing me to jerk off and watch her orgasm--she thought that idea was hot, we just haven't tried it yet.

I'm just not entirely sure how to proceed as my wife is entirely green on all of this. She has expressed genuine interest in learning and playing around with my kinks though, so that's promising.

That’s just it, your wife is green and inexperienced in all this kinky stuff.
So you get to be her teacher, you can learn and grow in these kinks together. Like you said, there are so many things you can do cuckolding wise without going all the way to including a third.
Buy a realistic dildo and give it a name. Ask her if she wants to fuck you or John the dildo/vibrator instead.
Maybe she makes you sit there and watch her while you are in your cage, or all you can is stroke your cock while she has penetration from ‘John’.
Maybe you agree to meet her out as if you are a new man. You go in first while she is getting ready, you have no idea what she will wear, and then have that drink or coffee or meal. Flirt and end the ‘date’ however you both wish. A kiss, a make out session, sex in one of your cars, going back to someone’s house or a hotel for a fuck session.
Whatever you do you get to lead your wife, teach your wife, about these kinks and how it can fit into your relationship.
Good luck on your reconciliation!!

[jratt85]

Something you might want to try and bring up again would be to have her put you in your cage and then masturbate with her vibrator while telling you about her being slutty in college.. She needs to learn that you are okay with her being experienced, that she was slutty in school and get her pleasure from it while seeing you struggle where you are getting hard but can't because of the cage.. either that or get a cock ring and have her tie your hands behind your back while you're listening to her and you have to sit there hard as hell from hearing her stories and seeing her getting off while you can't touch yourself.. She'll get to see that you're hard for her and if she wants to reach over and play with it she can but it's completely for her and at her whim.
I think that would give her positive reinforcement while also giving into your sub tendencies and also reinforcing that her talking about being with other guys is a good thing.