Good to be here and finally post something after all the years of lead-up...
(I just re-read this and realized it is pretty long, please forgive me. There is ALOT more backstory regarding our bond and loving relationship and communication but I'm just trying to stick to the event and how to help serve her in processing after the fact).
The love of my life GF of 7 years just had her first 'hotwife' sexual experience with a guy she has had a few dates with. (She has had a few other girls nights out where she has drank and danced and made out with a few other guys but never exchanged number so those did not progress. But she LOVED the feeling of acting free and 'single'. She LOVES men and maleness and is so sexual and all woman that she can practically almost come from just making out with men). I'm so happy for her. This has been a long journey for us together to get to this point.
Amazingly, it was an almost perfect experience for her. She really built some chemistry with James over 3 drink dates. Lots of making out, flirting and good fun conversations. For her, she has always needed to build a connection and chemistry with a man before she sleeps with him. He bought a nice hotel room that night after drinks and the moment did not disappoint. His cock stayed good and hard, fucked for over an hour, wore a condom, he came (she said it that was hot). She let herself go with it and had passion apparently no guilt. She said next time she wants to sleep over. HA. we haven't really set any boundaries regarding things like that yet. I wanted to let her drive these experiences at her pace and her discretion. I mean, come on, we guys are the ones that bring this desire for a lifestyle that is not the 'norm' as to how most women have been programmed is 'wrong' or fraught with the perils of not maintaining a one man monogamous traditional relationship structure.
I am a huge compersion guy and was thrilled for her. I wanted to ask you how to best take care of her during the re-connect after her adventure. I wanted to say the right things (words) in order to help her reconcile her taking a new lover (says she wants to have more sex with him) and keep our primary relationship strong, closer, her feeling safe.
We both acknowledged that she will need time to 'process' and she wanted to wait a day before a download of exactly what transpired with him (most details) and then reconnect with sex with me.
I didnt get this question out to you all before this weekend so I went with what I have gleaned from this forum and other forums on what she would need to hear from me and actions I could take. But basically 'winged it'. Fri through today.
this morning she told me she feels incredibly close to me.
I told her,
"I think we navigated our relationship pretty well post a very big event on Thursday night that both of us wanted to make sure that we came through it in a way without any detrimental affects to our amazing love with each other.
I’m not sure if you got everything you wanted or needed from me regarding reassurance or safety the next day. And I love that you brought up the fact that it might take you a while to process. That’s very smart of you and from what I understand very normal and a very good thing to do. To give you a little bit of space, but also be there for you in whatever capacity you needed. And I don’t know how well you processed over Friday evening or Saturday day before you got a chance to debrief the details with me a little bit at dinner.
I know you have so much going on that you don’t need to throw in another very emotional and energy, sucking aspect to your life so please take your time and there’s no rush and let me know how I can be the best partner for you and however, you need me and however, things might change for you and how you feel And what your concerns are, etc.
I know I asked how you’re feeling a few times and wanted to make sure that you felt taken care of emotionally and things like that. Being tender and reassuring etc. Whatever else you needed that I didn’t provide see if you can ask for it.
Please feel free to tell me what I can work on in that regard. I know you gave me some things to work on Saturday night and an overall sense of our relationship to help build trust and safety and security with me. And I loved it again by the way.
I want to thank you for you being exactly the way you are and I’m very grateful for that and that’s what I love about you and I’m so happy that you reiterate that you need me and I think we just had a really really good Saturday and Sunday getting closer and closer and loving and cuddling, and I think we’ll get even better and better at that going forward.
I truly think you’re amazing and we have such a good thing together and I think we both want and need each other and no one else can give us what we have.
I did hear you about your warnings (about worrying that you might project and fantasize about how a life with one of these guys might be even though you understand that alot of it will be NRE and may fade) and all that and I take that seriously and I think those are the things that we will continue to need to have conversation, again. I respect that you are your own person and you will have your own thoughts and feelings and emotions and desires Around everything in your life so I just ask you to please stay tight with me and then communication so that I can adjust and do what I need to do to keep you."
Question, what other things do you think she needs to hear from me and actions I can perform post her encounter?
