Role play

[jerseyplayful]

My wife is a hard 'no' to involving another man, but she tolerates my occasional request to role play with the concept. Sometimes I'll pretend to be someone else, we'll have sex, and I'll talk down about "your husband" to her. She always redirects it, where she'll say hot things about the fictional other guy she's fucking, but she'll never say anything derogatory about her husband. One small thing changed recently. We were having sex and I told her, "I love fucking a married woman," which isn't out of the ordinary for us ... I asked her how it compares, and this time she said, "He's okay and all, but your cock is so much bigger!" That did it -- I climaxed right afterward. There was something about the fantasy of her complimenting another man as being better than the husband, that totally did it for me.

[MartasBoy]

Yes, we first started with role plays. I would ask my wife to tell me why she was with that other man again. I would ask her why she keeps going back to him, after I had asked her not to. While she was stroking me and giving me a handjob, she started talking about how much bigger his cock is, how muscular he is and how much more intense her orgasms are with him. With each thing she said I became noticeably harder and then came really hard. She was so amazed and exclaimed, "Oh my god! All of this humiliation talk really does turn you on!" She hadn't really internalized all the things I've told her, until she felt my penis respond. The penis is like a barometer of what truly turns us on.

[jerseyplayful]

That's a good idea for the role play angle -- ask, don't tell! I've tried asking things like "Is he better than me" etc. but your approach sounds a lot smarter. I'll try it.

[bighelmet]

Hey there! I'd love to hear more about the post-role-play dynamics. Do couples typically experience that "fantasy hangover" where the intensity creates awkwardness afterward, or do most smoothly transition back to reality with open communication? I'm curious how you handle that transition period with your wife. Would love to try with my wife to see where that takes us...

[John Ryan]

Ou role-playing was about past experiences with others It began right from the Get go. We started put as friends at college then one thing led to the next.

[coastalkid]

It took us decades to finally get to role play/dirty talk in the bedroom. It took a "perfect storm" of things before my wife chose to embrace the idea. I had always held out hope that my conservative vanilla wife would come around to having a more open mind about sex in general.

She never really did though until one time I couldn't get excited for another session of our restrained uninspired sex. At that time we were having sex less than once a month. Even though it had been well over a month that we had sex last I still couldn't get hard for her. I broke down that day. At the time I felt like my sex life had been stolen from me. I felt like a fool hoping she would change.

My wife knew then that my reaction was not something that could be ignored. She had NEVER seen me like this. I was a shell of myself. I was without joy or hope, defeated! My wife knew that this was not going to pass if ignored. She finally became motivated to find some sort of solution.

It took a couple of weeks before I was ready to talk. I was in a very low place in my heart and mind. We have both known by default that sexually we were far from like minded. She had a "take or leave it" attitude towards sex. She proved she could go months without it (unfortunately)! She also knew I WAS preoccupied with sex, and now I wasn't. That threw her off. It was kind of like the status quo had changed and now that she had it her way, it wasn't as ideal as she thought it would be.

When we did finally talk we spilled our guts on EVERYTHING. It was a necessary but truly difficult discussion. Ultimately, I admitted that I had the fantasy of her being a hot wife knowing full well that it would NEVER happen. I explained that imagining her sexually charged and aggressive was exciting to me. It was difficult but I complained that during sex she never made a sound, no groans, no comments. The only thing she did do was shudder and shake while in the midst of an orgasm.

I asked my wife to "pretend" she was a hot wife. I immediately told her I didn't expect her to be one. I told her that I'm older now and I need some mental stimulation to help the physical part. Thankfully she agreed to try and it has made a WORLD of difference. She has gone from timid and awkward to flat out surprising! We have more sex now than ever (at least! She's discovered new things she enjoys doing. She even makes comments throughout the regular day now.

No, I don't have a hot wife, probably never will, but it's a hell of a lot better now than it ever has been!

[MartasBoy]

Hey there! I'd love to hear more about the post-role-play dynamics. Do couples typically experience that "fantasy hangover" where the intensity creates awkwardness afterward, or do most smoothly transition back to reality with open communication? I'm curious how you handle that transition period with your wife. Would love to try with my wife to see where that takes us...

Yes comma I do experience some of that fantasy hangover. My wife has come to appreciate The role play times. She has found that it is very helpful, when she doesn't feel like having intercourse. In the past she would use typical excuses like she didn't feel up to it. Now she gives me excuses that fit with my denial fantasies. Now she will say things like, "I'm sorry sweetie to be honest, I have to confess that I was with him last night, when I told you I was having a drink with Susan. We went at it pretty hard, several times, and he's so large, that I'm often sore after I've been with him. I need some time to recover before I could have you inside of me. But I can give you a handjob instead."

We will continue the role play while she's giving me a handjob. I will beg for her to tell me what she did with him. She will resist and tell me that she feels bad giving me the details of her time with her lover. I will beg to hear the details, and then she will tell me all the ways in which he is a phenomenal lover.

I love going down on her to pleasure her orally. She found that the role play provides for a new and interesting way to motivate me, and to direct me in ways to maximize her pleasure. When I beg for her to tell me what is so special about him, she tells me that he has the best oral technique of any man she's ever been with, and is able to bring her to orgasm with with more orgasms, and more intense orgasms than any other man she is ever been with.
I will beg to be able to try and match what he does. I beg to be allowed to try, and have her tell me what it is that he does, to instruct me in his technique. She will act reluctant and then we'll agree to let me try. I beg her to tell me exactly what he does. This gives her free permission to give me explicit directions of how to best pleasure her. She will give me all kinds of instructions, like, "a little higher, just like that but softer, not so fast. Slow down." When I'm done, and ask her for a critique of how I have done, she always sighs and says, "It, was okay. Not bad." I will point out that, in the past, she has always told me that I was really good at pleasuring her orally. She will say, "Sweetie, I'm sorry, but these are the little white lies we women tell men, who aren't very good at lovemaking. I will beg for her to tell me how I compare to him, and she will act reluctant and say, "I'm sorry honey, but it just doesn't compare to the way he pleasures me. I feel bad being this honest with you about this, but you wanted to know. Some of you men just aren't good at love making. But that's okay sweetie, there are so many other things you're good at. You do a wonderful job of keeping our lawn looking nice, and keeping the kitchen clean. Those things are important to a woman too." I will beg and beg her to let me try again, to learn how to pleasure her like he does. She will say, "I'm sorry Honey, I've had enough of you trying tonight. Maybe you can try again another time. Just try to focus more on remembering to slow down, to not rush things so much, to be more gentle. That's a lot of what Carl does, that makes him so good at it." So now, every time I try to pleasure her orally, she feels free to give me instructions on exactly what she likes. And every session ends with her telling me, that it's just not quite is good as how he does it. This excites me, and keeps me trying harder.

This role play has allowed her to feel more assertive about bossing me around. She does not like getting beard rash down there, so she requires that I use a lot of conditioner on my beard every time I shower, to soften it. She will tell me things like, "I don't know what it is that Carl does, but his beard is always so soft and it never causes me any irritation down there." Or she will say, "One thing I like about his style, is that Carl wears silk boxer shorts. I think they look so sexy on a man. You should get some silk boxer shorts to wear." Anything that she wants me to change, she will just tell me that Carl does it, and that's part of his allure that she feels for him.

She no longer turns me down for sex, with the old standard marital excuses. Now she just says that, either she is too tired because she has just been with Carl and he wore her out, or she just showered and she's going to see him later, and needs to stay fresh and save her energy for him. All of this gets me really excited.