Privacy with boyfriend

[Somavert]

I want to watch and be with my wife but she wants privacy and not wanting me to watch when she intimate with her boyfriend. Anyone experience similar? How do you deal with the angst?

[leggysman]

Welcome to OHW, Somavert

[SteveInNorcal]

If you are interested in having a hotwife, it is best to allow her the independence and freedom to choose the circumstances on how she becomes a hotwife. It will be equally thrilling to imagine what she is doing intimately with him, and also hear the play by play recounted for you when she returns home when you can reclaim her. You need to know you will be unbelievably uncomfortable when she away and with her boyfriend. Feelings of jealousy, regret, and extreme arousal will collide in your world as you come to terms with your new role as a cuckold. Allow your wife her privacy and welcome her home with love and support. Good luck.

[CP55]

I understand what you mean, after all it is for me too, but we also have to accept her need to be alone with her lover

[MarknSusan]

It’s really up to both of you to determine what you are comfortable with.

IMO, you should be more concerned with your wife’s safety when you are not there. If you are both comfortable that safety is not an issue, then what you are really dealing with is jealousy.

If you have compersion, or can learn to have compersion, your angst issues will go away, or at least be manageable.

Consider realizing and adapting your thoughts towards the advantages of your wife having privacy with her boyfriend. Some guys feel awkward and can’t perform with the husband watching or being involved. Your wife may also feel similar thoughts if you are there. If they are alone together they can both “get into the moment with each other” which creates a better experience for both of them.

If you are able to let them get together it’s also very important not to constantly text or interrupt the experience. Just let them go with the flow and wait until it’s over.

Lastly, this may not be something you are ready for. If you aren’t comfortable..don’t do it.

Hope this helps, and again it’s just my opinions based on our experiences over many years.

Wishing you both the best on your journey together!

[Geev]

We do both. They are alone most of the time they get down and dirty but I still get some pretty good audience time in any given week.

[SilverStag]

With the exception of playing together in group rooms at various swinger parties, my HW, Cecil, always plays alone. She prefers to not "Be the Show". I think it allows her to act exactly as she wishes, without fear of criticism or "review". I'm ok with that as it gets her to where she wants to be. She gets in her won head when I watch and that takes her concentration away from her pleasure.

Likewise, I play alone and with the one exception of my birthday a couple years ago, she prefers to leave me and my playmates to ourselves. (The exception being the year that she brought 2 other women into our bedroom (another first-she dislikes playing with others in our marital bed) and I played with all 3 of them together. There was no FF play, just 3 naked women playing with me)

[Somavert]

Thanks for the input. What can i do or are there any tips/recommendation of things i can do to fight the angst?

I have seen her climbed over her bf's lap and intensely make out with him. When it comes to more intimacy, she would tell me to leave or she walks away with her bf into the room.

[annsman]

I’ve watched and participated, but we found that what works best for us is her dating solo and then telling me all about it when she gets home.
A big turn on for both of us is the feeling that she is “his” when she is with him which wouldn’t be the same if I was present and I love having her all to myself when she gets back.

The angst, wondering what she is doing at that moment and the anticipation of her return is all part of the eroticism for me.

[Bloomincpl]

Somavert; I've felt the same angst when my wife played solo for the first time. I can't describe it as jealousy, but angst? Absolutely. For me, the first time was very difficult. It got less difficult as time went on, and eventually became 'normal'. It was just another evening out for my wife, whether she was with a girlfriend or having sex with her lover. Of course, knowing she was having sex with her lover made the evening more special If your experience is anything like mine, you'll come to the same place; the angst will be gone and you'll be happy knowing she's having great sex, having a great time, and coming home fulfilled in her sexual desires.

[Somavert]

Thanks all. I have some wanting to be in touch with me. For some reason i am unable to reply to PM. Please PM me your telegram handle and i will be in touch.

[leggysman]

New users stay in moderation status, and can't send PMs, until they get signed off. It helps to keep the forum free of spam and dickheads. Usually armyguyot1 will do that after ~5 posts if you behave

[NikkiMySunshine]

I would add, it can be very hard to see your wife get all pretty and ready for another man she will go out alone with. I relish in the getting ready. It makes her so horny to prep for another man. There's an energy to her, whether im joining that night or she goes out to date.

That said, I am of the time included when she's out. Always a text to let me know where she is. Where shes headed. A bathroom break at a bar to let me know shes good, or even the opposite, needing to be picked up because it is not going well. She will let me know when they get to the hotel, or his house, etc. You get it. Sometimes I will get more. A text. Snapchat. Some pix. She has sent me a pic a few times with his hand on her thigh at the bar. I may get a Snapchat of her while hes behind her and shes smiling at me in the camera. She understands my need to know she is safe at the least. Hopefully you communicate to each other what and why you each need what you do.

Have you discussed her return? My wife and I have a rule that no matter what, I get to reconnect with her while we lay in bed and she describes the details.

It may not always end in sex, but, it's a connection time for us to share the experience she just had. Now after many years of doing this, I have dealt with my jealousy and lean that jealousy into compersion. Jealousy occasionally still rears it's head. HER happiness and satisfaction brings me much joy. She always includes me. We choose to do this for each other. For different reasons. Yet, we have found common ground as to what we both need to be successful in this lifestyle.

I will add, it hasn't been without trying times from time to time. Like when I watched the first time and the guy who she was so smitten with fucked her like ive never seen her body respond while we had sex. Yea. Thats tough. But, we talked it through after. One thing that will help, wether your there or not, dont cum until its just you two or when you both reconnect. This will help to not give you any sort of remorse once you cum. COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Keep talking to her about the whys, whats, needs, how's, etc. Dont be overburdening to her either. If she feels every single part is micromanage you may not get the details you crave or, she may even shut it down because she isn't able to live in the moment. She may feel it to be a job to have to report every last detail.

Whatever you work out, remember it will be dynamic. Rules that are established may be stretched. Maybe rules are broken. Continue to be her safe space and love for her to return to and you will both get out of this what you both set out to accomplish. A hotwife who loves to fuck other men. A husband who loves to see his wife satisfied and happy. And a kind of connection no one in this lifestyle knew would happen until they started to experience what the hotwife lifestyle has to offer.

Good luck. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

PEACE!
NikkiMySunshine

[Jmoney]

My wife never lets me watch, she will always reconnect with me when she gets home. I realize that she doesn't want worry about performing for me and her enjoyment is the most important to me.

[Somavert]

@leggysman - noted and thank you.

@nikki - thank you for pointers. What do you do when your wife is away on dates? And does she have sex with her date solo?

[Somavert]

And have anyone tagged along to their wives dates? To watch even at a distance.

[Bloomincpl]

Somavert; I've gone with my wife quite a number of times when she's off to see her boyfriend or a lover. Most of the time it's been her playing solo, mainly because of schedule conflicts, kids at home, etc. But yes, I've been there with her many times. When we first got into this, she always wanted me there, and always wanted me to be physically in touch with her while she was having sex with another man. Over time, that evolved to that it was fine if I just watched, without being in touch. I progress that a bit, as I told her I really enjoyed just watching her, and not being directly involved. That's for the non-solo dates.

[Gordon Monroe]

My wife never lets me watch, she will always reconnect with me when she gets home. I realize that she doesn't want worry about performing for me and her enjoyment is the most important to me.

Same with us although it wasn’t always that way. Now we’re pussy free and they’re exclusive she doesn’t want me present. She says sex is much better when they’re on their own.

I get so turned on waiting for her to come home, she tells me what they did while I wank into her dirty panties.

[Somavert]

Thank you @bloomincpl @gordon.
I am curious and excited to want to see how close my wife is with her bf during dates. I get excited when i picture then walking around hand in hand, kissing doing all the bf/gf thing. But my wife told me it would be strange for me to follow them from behind. When i think about it, i can understand.

But for those who does, how do you tagged on and be around them?

[cUcK-london]

I accompany my wife on the journey to her hotel meets, watch them have a drink from a discreet distance and they then head off to their room.
We think their privacy together is important - I don’t want to cramp her experience - but that’s just a personal preference.

[ucaneffher]

I want to watch and be with my wife but she wants privacy and not wanting me to watch when she intimate with her boyfriend. Anyone experience similar? How do you deal with the angst?

Sometimes that's just the way it has to be. I first brought up sharing my girlfriend when we were still in high school and told her I wanted to let her be with other men as long as I got to watch her. A couple of years later, right after we graduated highschool to be exact, she decided to finally start seeing other men but in the beginning she said she wanted to get comfortable with the fact that she was normally going out with men and having sex with whomever she wanted.

I accepted that she needed to get used to the idea that she was now having sex with other various men and should give her time to adjust and bring me into their bedroom. One thing led to another and our relationship dynamic officially became just her Solo dating.

After accepting that I was just going to stay out of her dating life, we both agreed that she should identify as "single" and available. It was super beneficial and she started meeting a lot of men that way. Needless to say, I loved that she was single and so incredibly popular with men now so I accepted I'd never watch but at least my girlfriend was constantly on the phone and constantly leaving the house with different men.

After years of having the single girlfriend who never disclosed having a boyfriend (me) whether on social media or in person.. she began pivoting towards wanting to try more serious and long-term play and that led to her having two serious relationships while I stood by supportive of her having a serious boyfriend and being committed.

So in 7 years in the lifestyle, the most I got to see was her hugging men, several times saw her kiss one of her lovers when I dropped her off but the rest all happened behind closed doors. Funny enough I adapted to her playing solo and would be perfectly fine being a stay at home cuck while my current partner is out being a hotwife. I'd love to watch but I've accepted that it's not always feasible but as long as I know she's out there with another man deep inside of her then I am happy.

[NikkiMySunshine]

@leggysman - noted and thank you.

@nikki - thank you for pointers. What do you do when your wife is away on dates? And does she have sex with her date solo?

Nikki does date solo at times. It all depends. If she is out solo, I do many things. I will wash her lingerie by hand. I will do sometimes housework. I do my ctual business work. It all depends. I do whatever I can to have some sort of distraction, yet think about her and what shes doing. Thats why, for us, it has worked that Nikki will stay in some sort of communication with me. Keeps me interested. Reminds me im still important to her. We kay those ground rules at meeting one. I dont expect obsessive texts and snapchats, but updates throughout are non-negotiable.

Hope this helps.
Good luck to you.

PEACE!
NikkiMySunshine

[wifedateshubwaits]

When we first started I had hopes that someday my wife might let me watch. But with time, I’ve realized it will never happen. My wife has told me she’d be too self conscious with me watching her with another man and she’s also told me she’d doesn’t want me to see how “naughty” she gets with certain guys. I respect my wife’s wishes and have come to believe that perhaps it’s best I let her enjoy this aspect of her life on her own. I still get a recap when she gets home and I always anxiously await hearing about my wife’s dates.

[Geev]

I would let her have her privacy. There's probably a good reason, and once everyone is comfortable there's always a decent chance thing will change to afford you more opportunity to see some things.