Hi,
I've just signed up to the forum, having been a bit of a backseat voyeur for a few years. I've always been turned on by this lifestyle, and dabbled a bit with an ex girlfriend. However, i've been with my wife for 20 years (I'm 48, she's 45), and she has shown absolutely no sign, whatsoever, of any remote interest in partaking. Not even from a fantasy/dirty talk point of view.
Our sex life has always been ok. Her experience is reasonably limited, only one previous full sexual partner and a couple of fooling around type experiences, whereas i got around the block quite a bit before we met. She's always been a bit reserved sexually - not the type of girl to vociferously tell you what she likes or doesnt like.
Anyway, i digress. I haven't tried to keep my fantasies from her, but haven't ever really impressed on her how big they are or what i'd be happy for her to do! I guess from my point of view, i've just never got any sort of vibe back from her, so haven't leant on it too heavily - all the 'what if she thinks i'm weird/is disgusted by me' etc type thoughts have stopped that happening.
In the last 18 months, a further issue (or so i thought) has developed, as with many men in their late 40's, my erections have started becoming weak, and i very rarely get hard enough to actually penetrate her. Our non penetretive sex life still remains ok - i can still cum despite not being fully hard, and she uses her hands, loads of toys, my hands, my mouth etc to get her off. But she did start to question whether i was attracted to her, and whether that was having an impact. I took great effort in explaining that it absolutely wasn't anything to do with her, and also that my fantasies were still a huge turn on for me, which might help. She remained shy and noncommital in this regard, and then in March, we had an almost complete accident, which ushered in a gradual change in dynamic. She was horny, but i had a horrible cold, and she jokingly said 'maybe you should just stand in the corner while i use my vibrator'
Something about the thought really excited me - she said that it was a joke, but when i said 'no, lets try it' she agreed. I came in seconds, and had a full erection for the first time in about a year.
Over the next 2 or 3 months we did the same sort of thing, with repeat results. She was encouraged by the fact that it clearly turned me on. In June, we talked about what it was that turned me on so much, and i explained a lot of it was down to her being more dominant. She asked if there were other similar things we could do, and i mentioned her being a bit disparaging about my cock size, and generally taking more control. She began to explore with this a bit, but it wasn't her natural area of play, and it stayed fairly formulaic. She never wandered into talking about desiring anyone or anything else particularly. I've been very, very careful about pushing it (I see her as a bit of a startled rabbit in headlights - one wrong move and i could scare her away from the situation completely, after taking nearly 20 years to even get these baby steps!). Thats been the difficult part. Every time we engage, i have to remind myself not to just push for more/more/more.
About a month ago, for the first time, she talked about someone else. Not anyone particular, but just how it would be nice to hold something a bit bigger, and she wondered what it would feel like. Over the last month, this has continued to expand, very slowly, and without getting overly explicit. Obviously, after 19 years of absolutely nothing, this has still been significant progression (I'm sure for many people on this site it sounds like nothing much at all), but i'm constantly having to fight back the urge to want more.
Anyway, on sunday, we settle down, she's armed with her vibrator, and has my cock in her other hand. She usually takes 15-20 minutes to cum, on Sunday, she cums in about 3 minutes. She continues playing with my cock in silence for about 2 minutes, then throws out an unexpected
'Do you want to know what i was thinking about when i came'. I nod.
'I was thinking about this Spanish guy, and imagining he had this big, thick, hard cock. I thought about it cumming inside me and i came straight away'
Of course, this sent me instantly over the edge and i came instantly too. So she now knows, first hand, how much that turned me on. Again, i don't want to push it too quickly - but this feels like a massive leap forward right? Or am i getting well ahead of myself?
Apologies for the massively long post.
No chance to a small chance?
Re: No chance to a small chance?
Welcome to the forum, TAJP. It does indeed sound like you've taken significant steps forward.
Maybe when something like Sunday happens, you should make a point of reinforcing your approval in between sex sessions (e.g. "yesterday was really hot") for a couple of reasons: a) positive reinforcement; and b) so she knows you feel the same way about it even when you're not playing.
Maybe when something like Sunday happens, you should make a point of reinforcing your approval in between sex sessions (e.g. "yesterday was really hot") for a couple of reasons: a) positive reinforcement; and b) so she knows you feel the same way about it even when you're not playing.
Re: No chance to a small chance?
You seem to be progressing well, the experience is always bespoke so always normal, some couples take 20 years , some 20 minutes, some never quite get there as one of the couple won’t be keen.
Your happy accident in March has allowed you both to explore new experiences. By taking it step by step and carefully communicating your desires and reassurances, it has allowed her to become more confident of exploring and communicating her desires to you.
The slow build up over the past few months has allowed her to be more comfortable, to normalise both your fantasies, to see how holding something bigger and harder would turn you both on.
Most significantly it was her who volunteered to explain what she had been thinking, not you pushing or demanding to know why she orgasmed so quickly.
Continue with the safe baby steps, communicating as you have been, it is a strange, wild, exhilarating ride and there will be lots of strange feelings to discuss. It might not be such a huge leap forward and you may have to take step back before moving forward again, keep doing what you are doing and have fun!
Paul
Your happy accident in March has allowed you both to explore new experiences. By taking it step by step and carefully communicating your desires and reassurances, it has allowed her to become more confident of exploring and communicating her desires to you.
The slow build up over the past few months has allowed her to be more comfortable, to normalise both your fantasies, to see how holding something bigger and harder would turn you both on.
Most significantly it was her who volunteered to explain what she had been thinking, not you pushing or demanding to know why she orgasmed so quickly.
Continue with the safe baby steps, communicating as you have been, it is a strange, wild, exhilarating ride and there will be lots of strange feelings to discuss. It might not be such a huge leap forward and you may have to take step back before moving forward again, keep doing what you are doing and have fun!
Paul