A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

I know it's been a tough journey and a hard road back finding a connection, it's great to read you may now be in a much better place with a clearer way forward.

Thank you, yes it's been very difficult but spending some time hanging around on this site has really helped me to adjust my mindset. I know my situation is very different and most would probably laugh at me thinking that my situation is in some way synonymous with the types of situations people are experiencing here, but I do feel many of the same emotions and it feels very real to me.

I think it's an understatement to say that we've been on completely different wavelengths for a long time now, she's very much a different person now to how she was before all this started. It's only by trying to come together again that I realise just how much she has changed, and that's been a really scary realisation. I'm sure I had/have changed also and it's probably equally scary for her. The difference is she has her fallback to run to when things get tricky, I have nobody.

Coming together again has been very rough because of how different we had become. A bit like driving a manual and trying to shift from 5th gear into first. Due to the large difference in gears the meshing of the gears is extremely rough and feels like the engine is about to blow up.

I still very much crave my old life and lifestyle but I have to be realistic that it has probably gone at this stage, or at least for now. She obviously didn't like how things were, enough to make this huge change and stick to it no matter how much pressure I apply for things to go back to how they were. However, after hanging around on this site a bit more I'm starting to enjoy aspects of it a lot more than I thought I would.

I was wrong about how I thought the last handjob would be my last one for a while. She noticed this morning that I was rock hard when I woke up, and said "Again??????" almost incredulously and another handjob followed. That was great and all but the surprising part for me was the way she held me and tenderly stroked my face and hair for a few minutes afterwards. It had a very strong role reversal vibe to it as it's what I used to do for her afterwards, and was pretty new to me being on the receiving end.

[newaussiecuck]

So last night she had me rub and scratch her bum and I took the initiative and slid a little lower and she gave a gentle moan of encouragement to finger her. However she didn't respond any further and just lay there silently. After about 10-15 minutes of fingering her in complete silence I gave up and figured she was asleep. A few minutes after I stopped I got up to use the bathroom and she startled awake (or pretended to) and confirmed she had fallen asleep while I was trying to pleasure her. In her words, she said she fell asleep because it was so relaxing. I'm not even sure if she was actually sleep or just pretending. I don't know if she was trying to ruin the experience purely because I had taken initiative instead of waiting for her to ask for it, if so it worked because I don't feel like trying again for a while. I only ponder this because the night before she had me scratch her back and she emphasised "only my back". I don't know and it doesn't even matter, it just felt pretty off for me and ruined the good feelings I'd been having the last few days. On it's own you might think I'm complaining over nothing, but when it happens after she comes to bed 1am after chatting all day and night on her computer it just sucks.

I might start a new thread for this question, but wondering if anyone might have a book recommendation focusing on FLR relationships focusing more on how to have a successful one and keep things interesting for the husband and why that's important? It's occurred to me that with very little effort she could make things so much more interesting and exciting for me and for us, but I am yet to figure out whether she just doesn't know how to do this (or why it's important) or whether she just doesn't care enough to put in even minimal effort.

I've read some books before and even got her to read half a one many years ago but they mostly seemed fantasy and not very believable. She's indicated that she wants and enjoys this type of relationship but if I find she's not wanting to even put in any effort to learn more about it so that we can be happier then it feels like I would be wasting my time here. Giving the book will also indicate that I want things to improve and willing to help in any way I can.

[newaussiecuck]

So as you can probably tell I was in a bit of a down mood yesterday but feeling a lot better today. I need to do a bit of self reflection on why my mood changes so suddenly like that.

She spent a long time with me in bed this morning holding me and making me feel loved etc. She knew that I was pretty bothered by something and did what she needed to do to turn my mood around, but she's still being very firm with what my role is. I must say that I am coming to respect that a little. Maybe my complaints about her not knowing what she's doing were badly misplaced. Maybe she's become too good at this!

I think my struggle is with thinking that I shouldn't accept this and that I should fight against these changes but for whatever reason I'm just not able to.

Meanwhile she's sitting there now enjoying a fresh batch of scones with jam and cream that I've just whipped up and served her with her afternoon coffee.

[Chrislydi]

It's always good to read the more promising updates newaussiecuck, don't be put off by the lack of replies as I think sometimes you describe the pros and cons of each situation so thoroughly and well, that any potential questions are already answered. Rest assured you have a loyal audience who appreciate you posting so regularly and in such detail.

[newaussiecuck]

Yes I think it's maybe a bit therapeutic to write about my situation but then I do sometimes wonder if I should just write into a diary instead lol, but I'm glad people are getting something out of it.

I've noticed something new in these last few nights. She seems to now enjoy falling asleep while holding me. Leg and arm thrown over me as the spooner and me as the spoonee. I do like it, but I'm not used to it and am finding some difficulty getting to sleep. I do VERY VERY much enjoy the physical contact though so I don't complain, in fact it's probably why I have some trouble sleeping. More too excited than anything else.

Also, she's very much keeping tabs on whenever I leave the house and for how long I'm gone. If I'm a bit longer than she would expect I'm getting a phone call these days to check up on my whereabouts. Today I didn't hear her call and I phoned back 10-15 minutes later when I checked my phone so got maybe a bit of an inquisition as to why I didn't answer her call. I kind of see this as a good sign in terms of maybe she's starting to think of how she would feel losing me.

[Chrislydi]

Definitely lots of good signs there newaussiecuck, very encouraging really.

[newaussiecuck]

So last few days have been a bit interesting. A couple of nights ago I blew up, again. Was sitting happily on the couch while she was on her computer typing away. Took the dog outside where it managed to corner a cat and all hell broke loose out there. Came inside to tell my wife all about it and she was very disinterested and obviously very engrossed in her conversation and hardly paying any attention to what I was saying. At one point when I said something she didn't even bother to respond and put her head back down and began typing away again. I got pretty upset from feeling like I'm much less important to her than who she was talking with and left the room to cool off.

Eventually I walked back through the room to go take a shower and she started calling out to me but I didn't answer her repeated attempts until she walked into the room I was in. I gave her a fair few heated words (including a demonstration of her typing away instead of talking to me) as I hadn't had enough time to cool off and I then proceeded to have the shower.

When I finished the shower I was very surprised to find her in bed, she'd turned off her computer!!!! I was actually very surprised thinking she would stay up very late being so pissed with the way that I spoke to her but she didn't.

I surprised myself even more with thoughts that it would be a shame for her to end things with her online person over this. Where did that come from???? All I ever wanted was for it to end. Wow, and I'm still surprised that I felt that way.

We made up soon after in bed and all is good again now a few days later, but we never spoke about it. I think neither of us had any words to say, I certainly didn't know what to say and I think it was probably nothing that could be said. There was a fair bit of holding and speaking about other stuff but we both knew we were ok. She kept a low profile on her computer for a couple of days but is pretty much back to normal now.

I think that her coming to bed like that was a HUGE confirmation to me that when it's really necessary that I do come first. I've now learned that even if I'm not coming first in that moment, overall I do when it counts. That's a few times now that she has demonstrated that in her own way.

An interesting few days and revelations to me.

[Chrislydi]

Wow, that's such a good sign and extremely positive in all respects

[Chrislydi]

So last few days have been a bit interesting. A couple of nights ago I blew up, again. Was sitting happily on the couch while she was on her computer typing away. Took the dog outside where it managed to corner a cat and all hell broke loose out there. Came inside to tell my wife all about it and she was very disinterested and obviously very engrossed in her conversation and hardly paying any attention to what I was saying. At one point when I said something she didn't even bother to respond and put her head back down and began typing away again. I got pretty upset from feeling like I'm much less important to her than who she was talking with and left the room to cool off.

Eventually I walked back through the room to go take a shower and she started calling out to me but I didn't answer her repeated attempts until she walked into the room I was in. I gave her a fair few heated words (including a demonstration of her typing away instead of talking to me) as I hadn't had enough time to cool off and I then proceeded to have the shower.

When I finished the shower I was very surprised to find her in bed, she'd turned off her computer!!!! I was actually very surprised thinking she would stay up very late being so pissed with the way that I spoke to her but she didn't.

I surprised myself even more with thoughts that it would be a shame for her to end things with her online person over this. Where did that come from???? All I ever wanted was for it to end. Wow, and I'm still surprised that I felt that way.

We made up soon after in bed and all is good again now a few days later, but we never spoke about it. I think neither of us had any words to say, I certainly didn't know what to say and I think it was probably nothing that could be said. There was a fair bit of holding and speaking about other stuff but we both knew we were ok. She kept a low profile on her computer for a couple of days but is pretty much back to normal now.

I think that her coming to bed like that was a HUGE confirmation to me that when it's really necessary that I do come first. I've now learned that even if I'm not coming first in that moment, overall I do when it counts. That's a few times now that she has demonstrated that in her own way.

An interesting few days and revelations to me.

Things were really looking up 6 weeks ago and I hope that meant you no longer had any interest in continuing this thread. I would love to hear that those signs of progress really were just the start of establishing a much more solid foundation and
you're in a far better place today. Obviously no obligation to do so but if you could give a quick update it would really be appreciated. Whether or not you do thank you for sharing your thoughts while going through such a difficult and tortuous time in both your marriage and life.

Chris

[newaussiecuck]

Things were really looking up 6 weeks ago and I hope that meant you no longer had any interest in continuing this thread. I would love to hear that those signs of progress really were just the start of establishing a much more solid foundation and
you're in a far better place today. Obviously no obligation to do so but if you could give a quick update it would really be appreciated. Whether or not you do thank you for sharing your thoughts while going through such a difficult and tortuous time in both your marriage and life.

Chris

Thanks for enquiring and for caring how things are going. I do wish that I had better news but things took a pretty big backwards step for me and I basically gave up on everything I was trying to do pretty soon after my last post. Maybe a week or so after.

I had thought things were turning around also. I had prepared a nice meal of homemade pizzas to eat while we watched our footy team play (she's easily as much into it as I am). Luckily I'd cooked and we'd eaten a little earlier as right as kickoff was about to start our power went off! Blackout for just our street, bugger. I didn't want to bother with it but she made me sign up for an online streaming service and hotspot from my phone, so that we could still watch the game with the battery power remaining on my laptop. I mention this to highlight just how into the footy she is.

She had her computer off due to the power outage so I was thinking it would be a great chance for us to reconnect and hang out on the couch like old times given that she would have to come join me to watch the game on my laptop instead of us watching on the big tv
from separate chairs while she uses her computer.

I'd set it all up just assuming she'd come join me but she didn't! She decided to stay on the other lounge and forgo watching the game, opting to just listen to it instead! To be honest I felt pretty hurt and disappointed that she would prefer to miss seeing the game instead of having to be near me.

Anyway so that's the moment I basically just gave up. I'd been flogging myself for months trying to get things back on track but it was obviously for nothing.

Apart from that, things are basically back to how they were before I started writing this thread. I'm still doing a lot of stuff but basically doing things to make myself happy rather than for her if that makes sense. I'm still out of work but things are starting to look up a bit now that our government has finally changed the rules to allow companies to hire me again. Lots are still choosing to discriminate but I'm at least getting a bit more interest now.

I feel that once I'm back working again I'll feel in a stronger position to either move on (having something to offer someone else who might appreciate me) or tell her to pull her head in and that I'm sick of this bullshit and won't take it anymore. It's easier to pull a big move like that when I have something else in my life to focus on and somewhere else to be. I can think of nothing worse right now than dealing with an imploding marriage with nothing to take my focus off it and also having to be here day in day out while things are unpleasant between us. I guess just right now it feels better to just keep the status quo as bad as it is. We're still pleasant towards each other but the late nights and constant computer use is still continuing.

Will see what happens but basically after that power outage incident I had to take back control over my life and stop giving her all the power that she quite frankly hasn't deserved. I do like her taking control, don't get me wrong, but it can't feel like she's just taking advantage and quite frankly taking the piss.

Interestingly she hasn't even mentioned my change of attitude and approach so I hardly know if she's even noticed.

[Chrislydi]

I know it's tough for us readers to judge on just one side of the story but the real story would have to be so radically different to come to any other conclusion than the one you've taken. This obsession she has with the stuff she does on her pc (although I know exactly what that is) has probably taken over her life now to the exclusion of all else. I think you're right waiting for the correct opportunity but unfortunately it looks as though the end of this relationship can't come quickly enough.

Thanks for coming back to update us, often when things turn bad threads just disappear never to be updated again,. It sounds like your relationship is in its final days with no real hope but i hope things take an upward turn workwise and you get your life on an upward trajectory once again.

Chris

[newaussiecuck]

Yeah at present I don't see any other way of playing this. Try to keep things as pleasant as possible while working to keep myself together and strong and do what's ultimately in my best interest in the long term rather than just doing what she wants me to do. Sometimes they are in alignment sometimes not. For example I'm prioritising looking for work above other projects she wants me to do.

Ultimately I can hold my head up high knowing I've done all that can be done and more to try and turn things around and I can live with that.

I also have in mind the old adage to not make major decisions in the middle of an emergency or other temporary change of events. Unfortunately this emergency has been ongoing for 2 years now. Once it's finally over and I'm back to work in an office with a more stable and normal life I can reassess and make some actual moves to resolve things one way or another. Ultimately where the chips lay will likely be up to her once I've made my expectations known but I won't live like this forever. She'll either decide to go back to a normal life with me, or decide to let me go.

If/when I'm back at work in an office 5 days a week then it will be very obvious very quickly where the chips lay as she'll only have opportunity to see me at weekends and a couple of hours each night. I think that would force some kind of decision point. For now, with me home all the time, an argument can be made that she sees enough of me at present. Will have to see what happens when that is no longer the case.

[desertsub]

I had thought things were turning around also. I had prepared a nice meal of homemade pizzas to eat while we watched our footy team play (she's easily as much into it as I am). Luckily I'd cooked and we'd eaten a little earlier as right as kickoff was about to start our power went off! Blackout for just our street, bugger. I didn't want to bother with it but she made me sign up for an online streaming service and hotspot from my phone, so that we could still watch the game with the battery power remaining on my laptop. I mention this to highlight just how into the footy she is.

She had her computer off due to the power outage so I was thinking it would be a great chance for us to reconnect and hang out on the couch like old times given that she would have to come join me to watch the game on my laptop instead of us watching on the big tv
from separate chairs while she uses her computer.

I'd set it all up just assuming she'd come join me but she didn't! She decided to stay on the other lounge and forgo watching the game, opting to just listen to it instead! To be honest I felt pretty hurt and disappointed that she would prefer to miss seeing the game instead of having to be near me.

Anyway so that's the moment I basically just gave up. I'd been flogging myself for months trying to get things back on track but it was obviously for nothing.

Apart from that, things are basically back to how they were before I started writing this thread. I'm still doing a lot of stuff but basically doing things to make myself happy rather than for her if that makes sense. I'm still out of work but things are starting to look up a bit now that our government has finally changed the rules to allow companies to hire me again. Lots are still choosing to discriminate but I'm at least getting a bit more interest now.

I feel that once I'm back working again I'll feel in a stronger position to either move on (having something to offer someone else who might appreciate me) or tell her to pull her head in and that I'm sick of this bullshit and won't take it anymore. It's easier to pull a big move like that when I have something else in my life to focus on and somewhere else to be. I can think of nothing worse right now than dealing with an imploding marriage with nothing to take my focus off it and also having to be here day in day out while things are unpleasant between us. I guess just right now it feels better to just keep the status quo as bad as it is. We're still pleasant towards each other but the late nights and constant computer use is still continuing.

Will see what happens but basically after that power outage incident I had to take back control over my life and stop giving her all the power that she quite frankly hasn't deserved. I do like her taking control, don't get me wrong, but it can't feel like she's just taking advantage and quite frankly taking the piss.

Interestingly she hasn't even mentioned my change of attitude and approach so I hardly know if she's even noticed.

I have followed this thread from the start and even conversed with you in PM's. After reading this post, I agree that you are fighting a loosing battle here. You need to take back your life and either get her to change or move on. Nobody deserves to be treated the way she is treating you!

[newaussiecuck]

I have followed this thread from the start and even conversed with you in PM's. After reading this post, I agree that you are fighting a loosing battle here. You need to take back your life and either get her to change or move on. Nobody deserves to be treated the way she is treating you!

Yes indeed, we had even conversed since I first posted quite a few years back and a few PMs even back then if I remember correctly. Unfortunately our relationship is nothing close to what it was way back then.

I guess I had put it out of my mind but recently it's come back into memory. Before even the pandemic hit and our problems started with her computer use there was an incident that I wish we had discussed fully and resolved. Maybe a year before she started her heavy computer use. I'm not sure why, but maybe she thought I was doing something wrong with someone else (I wasn't so at the time I wasn't sensitive to that possibility). Or maybe instead she was already doing something wrong with someone else now that I think of it.

Anyway so seemingly out of the blue one night when in bed she declared and I remember these exact words "I'm done". I guess I just panicked or something and said "Please don't be done" and I don't even remember what else I said but we ended up having sex and she cried afterwards. When I asked her why she was crying she said "I just feel embarrassed" and I just held her and reassured that everything will be OK and that was it. We never spoke about it again and things seemed perfectly fine for the next year or so. Now looking at what's happened I guess it wasn't all fine after all.

I don't know what she meant by that comment "I just feel embarrassed" but I just have this feeling that it might have shed some light on things. I just assumed that she was embarrassed for having sex with me after basically telling me we were over but maybe it was something else. I will never know.

[Chrislydi]

If/when I'm back at work in an office 5 days a week then it will be very obvious very quickly where the chips lay as she'll only have opportunity to see me at weekends and a couple of hours each night. I think that would force some kind of decision point. For now, with me home all the time, an argument can be made that she sees enough of me at present. Will have to see what happens when that is no longer the case.

......

(subsequent post...)


......I don't know what she meant by that comment "I just feel embarrassed" but I just have this feeling that it might have shed some light on things. I just assumed that she was embarrassed for having sex with me after basically telling me we were over but maybe it was something else. I will never know.

I'm always impressed by the amount of careful thought that goes into your assessments and the reasoning is invariably faultless. The above quote is an amalgam of selected paragraphs from your last two posts, both highlight the eminent good sense you've shown throughout, sometimes making all the right moves doesn't work and the lack of open, in depth communication on possible causes is putting any hopes of recovery beyond reach.

They always say never decide anything when you're not in a stable frame of mind, so not too angry, excited, depressed etc..and waiting until the work situation has improved seems eminently sensible, while looking back at possible missed opportunities viz a viz the ' i'm done ' unresolved comment might only really be beneficial in a more normalised situation where you could have these conversations with her and get to the bottom of it.

The only knee jerk solutions are all the ones you've thought of or tried before like counselling but like all such solutions they're only good if all are willing to enter them in good faith which seems unlikely to have fully been the case, but who knows?

I just wish you the best of luck in finding work and coping with all this in your life, it has to be very unpleasant and difficult to live though but you seem to have tried most of the obvious solutions to bring about any sort of reconciliation. Maybe the root causes are still the problem but finding what those are seems as far away as ever.

Chris

[newaussiecuck]

I think you're right waiting for the correct opportunity but unfortunately it looks as though the end of this relationship can't come quickly enough.

Yes, well a couple of things might speed that up and force a decision point even sooner than expected. We're supposed to take an interstate trip together in a couple of months for an event with my family. I was dreading mentioning it for fear she would decide not to go. That was going to be a red line for me. I was surprised that initially she indicated that she would be coming but in the days since she's been backing away from that decision. I can tell she's looking for reasons not to go rather than for reasons to go. The last mention of it she suggested maybe that I could go by myself so that she can look after our dog instead of her having her mother look after it. I'm dreading bringing it back up again but I need to tell my family what's happening soon.

The second reason is that there is someone that has only very very recently come into my life that seems maybe a little bit interested in me. I'm not even sure as it could just be a bit of a brewing friendship over our dogs but she's mentioned a few things that has had me thinking. Things like that I seem familiar to her, which sounds like a bit of a line maybe. She was asking yesterday if I think our dogs get along and when I said yes she agreed that she also thinks that they do. Then today she asked me if I ever thought of getting another dog. When I said that I wasn't sure, she then asked about her dog and if I would like to have her dog!!!! I can tell that she loves her dog very much so obviously there's no way would she ever just give him away. So it seems hard to take it any other way than that she's maybe showing some interest in me. As in, maybe she was hinting that I could have her dog...... and her with it!

So there's two problems with this new girl, apart from it all happening at probably a bad time. Ideally it would be best to resolve everything before/if I start seeing someone else, but I do find I enjoy speaking to her and I do catch myself thinking about her often. Hmmmmm.

1. Obviously I'm married and even though I haven't mentioned it she surely must know that, since I have a ring on and all. I checked her hand (nothing) so if there is interest there I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't have spotted mine.

2. She's waaaaaaaaaay younger than I am. Like less than half my age kind of young, but at least above 20 so not completely unheard of. But yeah, so there's also that big issue.

Until now nothing has happened, no physical contact at all (apart from patting each others dogs etc) and we meet where there's lots of judgemental people around so nothing likely to happen either unless we arrange something away from there. I only just learned her name yesterday (she seemed very glad that I finally asked her). But it definitely seems like some interest is being shown, at least it feels like it to me but it could just be my imagination.

[Chrislydi]

I think you're right waiting for the correct opportunity but unfortunately it looks as though the end of this relationship can't come quickly enough.

Yes, well a couple of things might speed that up and force a decision point even sooner than expected. We're supposed to take an interstate trip together in a couple of months for an event with my family. I was dreading mentioning it for fear she would decide not to go. That was going to be a red line for me. I was surprised that initially she indicated that she would be coming but in the days since she's been backing away from that decision. I can tell she's looking for reasons not to go rather than for reasons to go. The last mention of it she suggested maybe that I could go by myself so that she can look after our dog instead of her having her mother look after it. I'm dreading bringing it back up again but I need to tell my family what's happening soon.

The second reason is that there is someone that has only very very recently come into my life that seems maybe a little bit interested in me. I'm not even sure as it could just be a bit of a brewing friendship over our dogs but she's mentioned a few things that has had me thinking. Things like that I seem familiar to her, which sounds like a bit of a line maybe. She was asking yesterday if I think our dogs get along and when I said yes she agreed that she also thinks that they do. Then today she asked me if I ever thought of getting another dog. When I said that I wasn't sure, she then asked about her dog and if I would like to have her dog!!!! I can tell that she loves her dog very much so obviously there's no way would she ever just give him away. So it seems hard to take it any other way than that she's maybe showing some interest in me. As in, maybe she was hinting that I could have her dog...... and her with it!

So there's two problems with this new girl, apart from it all happening at probably a bad time. Ideally it would be best to resolve everything before/if I start seeing someone else, but I do find I enjoy speaking to her and I do catch myself thinking about her often. Hmmmmm.

1. Obviously I'm married and even though I haven't mentioned it she surely must know that, since I have a ring on and all. I checked her hand (nothing) so if there is interest there I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't have spotted mine.

2. She's waaaaaaaaaay younger than I am. Like less than half my age kind of young, but at least above 20 so not completely unheard of. But yeah, so there's also that big issue.

Until now nothing has happened, no physical contact at all (apart from patting each others dogs etc) and we meet where there's lots of judgemental people around so nothing likely to happen either unless we arrange something away from there. I only just learned her name yesterday (she seemed very glad that I finally asked her). But it definitely seems like some interest is being shown, at least it feels like it to me but it could just be my imagination.

I know it's solely judging from what's written on here but it looks very much like you're flogging a dead horse with trying to resurrect your marital relationship, but it still doesn't invalidate the ideal of waiting for calmer waters before any more permanent decision is made.

As you say life isn't always like that and waiting may not always be an option available to you. Firstly with the family issue it's only you that can decide it's importance but I would obviously make it clear to her also your feelings on the matter, however her reluctantly going while dragging her feet along the way is almost the same. Hating the in laws is hardly unique but it doesn't reflect well when it's so obviously pointed out. Again it may not be so much she doesn't get along with them but she doesn't want to be near you and yours.

With the new young girl again it's impossible to give any advice when only you are in a position to judge and read the sign langiage. Make sure your interpretation of the signals are correct and maybe explicitly mentioning that you're still 'legally' married might be an idea, as even the word 'legally' would give the negative connotations about all not being quite right with your marital relationship. Just be careful you're reading the situation absolutely correctly with the girl before going in too deep.

Chris

[newaussiecuck]

I know it's solely judging from what's written on here but it looks very much like you're flogging a dead horse with trying to resurrect your marital relationship, but it still doesn't invalidate the ideal of waiting for calmer waters before any more permanent decision is made.

As you say life isn't always like that and waiting may not always be an option available to you. Firstly with the family issue it's only you that can decide it's importance but I would obviously make it clear to her also your feelings on the matter, however her reluctantly going while dragging her feet along the way is almost the same. Hating the in laws is hardly unique but it doesn't reflect well when it's so obviously pointed out. Again it may not be so much she doesn't get along with them but she doesn't want to be near you and yours.

With the new young girl again it's impossible to give any advice when only you are in a position to judge and read the sign langiage. Make sure your interpretation of the signals are correct and maybe explicitly mentioning that you're still 'legally' married might be an idea, as even the word 'legally' would give the negative connotations about all not being quite right with your marital relationship. Just be careful you're reading the situation absolutely correctly with the girl before going in too deep.

Chris

The family engagement is a wedding for my nephew interstate. It would suck to have to go alone but as you say no good having her drag her feet either. I remember back to my surgery last year when I made her go to the hospital with me, that didn't turn out well. I think the main problem for her is the thought of being away from the computer so long. Of course she won't say that and instead comes up with all sorts of very plausible excuses that are very hard to argue against, but at the end of the day I know they're just that, excuses.
It doesn't make her points invalid though, so I will likely end up having to go there alone.

Yes I agree with the need for a good talk with the girl before/if anything at all happens. It's very difficult to talk in the place where we see each other. That kind of conversation can't happen in earshot of the other people that we see there. I already sensed some kinds of "What's going on there??" kind of vibes from the others yesterday just from us standing together talking a few times. OK, well we were probably standing close together talking for most of the time we were there yesterday, when I would normally go and talk to everyone. I think maybe she sensed it also and today was a little bit different. Still talking etc, but probably a bit more space, shorter chats and mingling with the others also. A bit more blending in rather than us just being off to the side "together" and making it very obvious there was some sparks flying kind of thing, if that makes sense. A bit more relaxed also. It either shows she has great maturity and sense of how we should behave around the others, or it could also mean that we both decided that we shouldn't take it any further.

[newaussiecuck]

Was terrible weather today and although I still went out at around the usual time, as I was expecting from the bad weather she wasn't there. I did find that I missed seeing her, oh dear indeed! It's midnight now and I'm laying in bed alone thinking about her and wondering what she's doing and how her day was. Even if she's maybe just a friend, it's nice to have someone nice to think about.

As for my wife, she's pretty much confirmed I'll be going to the wedding alone after finding yet another excuse.

We went out for lunch with her friends and she berated me in front of the others for accidently dropping my fork on the floor. She also yelled at me this morning for taking an extra half hour walking the dog and was even waiting outside for me when I returned! Seems she was expecting me to do something before we went out and was pissed I was late back to start on it. I still managed to get it finished before we went out.

[Long Lurker 34]

Was terrible weather today and although I still went out at around the usual time, as I was expecting from the bad weather she wasn't there. I did find that I missed seeing her, oh dear indeed! It's midnight now and I'm laying in bed alone thinking about her and wondering what she's doing and how her day was. Even if she's maybe just a friend, it's nice to have someone nice to think about.

As for my wife, she's pretty much confirmed I'll be going to the wedding alone after finding yet another excuse.

We went out for lunch with her friends and she berated me in front of the others for accidently dropping my fork on the floor. She also yelled at me this morning for taking an extra half hour walking the dog and was even waiting outside for me when I returned! Seems she was expecting me to do something before we went out and was pissed I was late back to start on it. I still managed to get it finished before we went out.

AC - SO did any family comment on her not being at the wedding? And based on how she behaves, in your examples above, I think if I'd been you , in one way pissed she didn't come and yet really relieved she hadn't.

[newaussiecuck]

AC - SO did any family comment on her not being at the wedding? And based on how she behaves, in your examples above, I think if I'd been you , in one way pissed she didn't come and yet really relieved she hadn't.

The wedding hasn't happened yet, but I need to let my Nephew know SOON if we're coming or not. He already messaged me just over a week ago to follow up to check I actually got the invite. I'll definitely be going and I think I'll tell him we're both coming. That way if she changes her mind later she can still come. Having said that I'll also need to buy plane tickets so it's not like she could just decide on the day. Otherwise, maybe I could take someone else lol! Actually I'm only half joking as the thought did cross my mind today. Too many thoughts and fantasies are going around in my head at the moment.

I did speak to my mum today and let her know that it'll probably just be me coming. She knows that I've been pretty unhappy the last 2 years and pretty much house-bound and that we very rarely go out or do anything or spend time together. So I pretty much let her know that it could very well be the end for us. She understood and said she couldn't advise me either way but will support me no matter what I decide. She did suggest that maybe I need to shock my wife and give her a hell of a fright which I think was surprisingly good advice. I think that would be one last hail mary that will either work or spell the final end for us.

Of course I made zero mention to my mum of the possibility that I could soon start seeing someone else, but I know she would understand if I did. Having not seen the girl in the last 2 days, and we still haven't really ever spoken properly, I'm getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of myself and I have probably just made it all up in my head. All I know is that when she told me her name it did something to me, like I felt my whole body just sing inside, her name just felt perfect. Weird to explain, but the sound of her voice saying her name just resonated in my chest.

New feelings aside, and thinking with my head again, it's hard to think we would actually be as compatible as my wife and I are/were, especially adding in the huge age gap and what that all means. Like intellectually, my wife and I are on the same page with pretty much everything and were so bloody good together. That's why I get so upset and mad that she's seemingly purposefully destroyed something that was so good.

[Chrislydi]

'Having not seen the girl in the last 2 days, and we still haven't really ever spoken properly, I'm getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of myself and I have probably just made it all up in my head. All I know is that when she told me her name it did something to me, like I felt my whole body just sing inside, her name just felt perfect. Weird to explain, but the sound of her voice saying her name just resonated in my chest'

I don't want to throw cold water on it but maybe with all your problems you were all too ready to interpret it that way, obviously I've no clue at all but sometimes when everything seems to be going south any small ray of sunshine can become so magnified it takes on a meaning well beyond what it really is. This isn't to doubt anything at all, as I'm in no position whatsoever to judge, but you could hardly be blamed for wanting something good for a change to happen in your life atm.

Chris

[Long Lurker 34]

AC - SO did any family comment on her not being at the wedding? And based on how she behaves, in your examples above, I think if I'd been you , in one way pissed she didn't come and yet really relieved she hadn't.

The wedding hasn't happened yet, but I need to let my Nephew know SOON if we're coming or not. He already messaged me just over a week ago to follow up to check I actually got the invite. I'll definitely be going and I think I'll tell him we're both coming. That way if she changes her mind later she can still come. Having said that I'll also need to buy plane tickets so it's not like she could just decide on the day. Otherwise, maybe I could take someone else lol! Actually I'm only half joking as the thought did cross my mind today. Too many thoughts and fantasies are going around in my head at the moment.

I did speak to my mum today and let her know that it'll probably just be me coming. She knows that I've been pretty unhappy the last 2 years and pretty much house-bound and that we very rarely go out or do anything or spend time together. So I pretty much let her know that it could very well be the end for us. She understood and said she couldn't advise me either way but will support me no matter what I decide. She did suggest that maybe I need to shock my wife and give her a hell of a fright which I think was surprisingly good advice. I think that would be one last hail mary that will either work or spell the final end for us.

Of course I made zero mention to my mum of the possibility that I could soon start seeing someone else, but I know she would understand if I did. Having not seen the girl in the last 2 days, and we still haven't really ever spoken properly, I'm getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of myself and I have probably just made it all up in my head. All I know is that when she told me her name it did something to me, like I felt my whole body just sing inside, her name just felt perfect. Weird to explain, but the sound of her voice saying her name just resonated in my chest.

New feelings aside, and thinking with my head again, it's hard to think we would actually be as compatible as my wife and I are/were, especially adding in the huge age gap and what that all means. Like intellectually, my wife and I are on the same page with pretty much everything and were so bloody good together. That's why I get so upset and mad that she's seemingly purposefully destroyed something that was so good.

NAC - I think your Mum is spot on. Lost mine a few years back and miss her alot. Give yours a good hug for me.

[newaussiecuck]

'Having not seen the girl in the last 2 days, and we still haven't really ever spoken properly, I'm getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of myself and I have probably just made it all up in my head. All I know is that when she told me her name it did something to me, like I felt my whole body just sing inside, her name just felt perfect. Weird to explain, but the sound of her voice saying her name just resonated in my chest'

I don't want to throw cold water on it but maybe with all your problems you were all too ready to interpret it that way, obviously I've no clue at all but sometimes when everything seems to be going south any small ray of sunshine can become so magnified it takes on a meaning well beyond what it really is. This isn't to doubt anything at all, as I'm in no position whatsoever to judge, but you could hardly be blamed for wanting something good for a change to happen in your life atm.

Chris

Yes I 100% wholeheartedly agree. It's not until/if I have a chance to speak to her for any length of time alone without being within earshot/eyeshot of the others that go to this place on a daily basis then I will likely be able to judge better the level of interest.

I'm well aware of how primed I was to respond to even the glimmer of attention given by someone (I think I already mentioned it) so I also have to keep that in consideration. The whole thing has stirred up such a whirlwind of emotions within me so I am glad that things are progressing slow, I need that time as I would have BIG decisions to make.

Having said that, there's a couple of other things that are intriguing/unusual/worth mentioning. I only first saw her probably 4 weeks ago, but we didn't really start speaking much until 2 weeks ago. A week ago, about a week after we kind of started speaking a bit, she brought her sister to the park! She's been there only that one time and hasn't been back since. It was in front of her sister that she really seemed to flirt with me for the first time. Saying that I seemed familiar to her and asking if I was a teacher as apparently I was giving off "major teacher vibes" whatever that means. A few other things but I could see she was kind of blushing a bit also.

Secondly, I think it might have either been that day when her sister was there or the day after that. But as she was leaving she said "I'll see you tomorrow" and made a bit of a point to check if I was coming, first time we had kind of made a point of seeing each other there. However that next day she wasn't there! The weather was a bit shit so I put it down to that. However when I did see her next she mentioned that her father was meant to bring her dog there on that day. She had given him directions on how to go to the park but apparently he got lost and went to the wrong place. Of course if he did come I would recognise the dog immediately and I would have gone over to say hello and confirm the name of the dog etc and would have talked with him a bit.

So again, could be a coincidence but meeting her sister and then seemingly possibly meeting her father also? Intriguing to say the least. In Aussie culture that's quite odd, especially SO soon. However she is of a different ethnic background (Asian) however I've been unable to determine from which country. Her accent doesn't give it away and her name doesn't either, one day I'll ask but it doesn't really matter at this point. I care about the person rather than where they're from. The family culture though could explain some of this behaviour as it could be more normal, and to look to an older guy also is normal in some parts.

Having said all of that, whatever happens I need to make the decision based on my marriage alone and not what may or may not happen with someone else. They need to be kept as two separate issues as best as I can manage. I would NOT be leaving my wife for her, although that is what everyone would think if I start seeing her. I think everyone here though would appreciate I've done my best to save things before even thinking of moving on, and even though maybe a new opportunity is potentially staring me right in the face (or not as we won't know until we meet again), I am still reluctant to let go and embrace it.

The consensus here (and I think my mum feels the same way but couldn't outright say it as it isn't her place) is that it's time to let her go and to move on. From her actions that seems to be what she wants and I just couldn't bring myself to let her go. If nothing else this new girl has opened my eyes to other possibilities and that there are other things I could look forward to if we do separate.

It could be that my wife gets what she wants, but I have a feeling that she wouldn't like what she gets.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - I think your Mum is spot on. Lost mine a few years back and miss her alot. Give yours a good hug for me.

Yes I think so too. I wish I could give her that hug but she lives interstate and I haven't seen her for almost 3 years due to this stupid pandemic and lockdowns and border closures and then dealing with the wife issues and not wanting to leave her behind and she refused to go with me. Having said that, I will be seeing her soon and can't wait to give her the biggest hug of my life.

In terms of giving her that fright, if it turns out that the other girl IS interested and if I am interested to see where it progresses, then yes that would likely do it. Would then see how the wife responds as the ball would then be in her court.