wife interested in other guy

[Bi+Gigh]

I posted this in another forum but would always look for whatever advice I could get. Things are developing as I write this and I don't want to screw up my marriage.

My now wife and I were dating in college. I was out as a bi guy and she knew it and was fine with it. When she came to visit for the weekend one time she met a friend that I had become pretty close to. He was a good looking guy, and obviously she thought so too because she was staring at him and maybe even flirting with him some. She asked if I thought he was hot and I admitted that I did. I also admitted that after some alcohol fueled nights, he had gotten a couple of blow jobs from me. She thought that was the hottest thing ever and said she needed to see that in action. Long story short, my friend agreed to let my gf watch me go down on him but he said since he was going to be naked she had to be too. So I'm giving him a blow job, my gf is masturbating but when I looked up those two were making out. My first reaction was to be pissed but I found it to be incredibly hot. To keep this short, before that weekend was done, I watched him fuck my gf twice. I don't know why but I found it to be incredibly hot. They fucked right up until the morning of our wedding.
We've now been married for 2 years and she hasn't shown any interest in other guys in that time. Until now. Apparently there is some hot guy at work that has caught her attention. They have gone to lunch as a group and she talks about him too much. I just know that look in her eye.
I want my wife to be happy and I definitely don't want to lose her. But I knew when she was having sex with my friend, I couldn't do the stuff that he was doing to make her moan like she was. Plus he was aa lot bigger so I'm assuming that helped too. I want to tell her that if our marriage is secure enough, and if she really loves me and is committed to our marriage, I'd be ok to explore things with him. I believe this would be better than her cheating on me, and be much better than her being miserable in a monogamous marriage, which I don't really think works anyway.
So she is traveling this week to a client's site in another state with the team she works with, and this guy is on that team. I'm dying here thinking about the possibilities so I want to talk to her as soon as possible. Just looking for some advice. Thanks everyone.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Bi+Gigh .

[Bi+Gigh]

Thank you armyguyot1! Appreciate it.

[gulfcpl]

It appears you have two issues to resolve. The first is the possibility of her being with another guy and the other is guy being a co-worker. You both need to discuss her being with another guy first. This is if she wants to. Up to this point, she has only mentioned him in conversation, not necessarily in a sexual way. This must be dealt with before anything else. She may not even have that in mind.

If the first issue is something that she wants, then the co-worker thing should be thought out very carefully. I always look at the worst case scenario and that could be either losing her job or the embarrassment to which it could lead. A sexual relationship with a co-worker does not often turn out well.

I guess back to my first point, there must be direct communication with her about this. This is the key regardless of the outcome. I hope this helps.

[Bi+Gigh]

We talked a ton yesterday and this morning. They've been flirting with each other for a while but nothing had happened. I told her how I felt, that I didn't want to lose her but i didn't want her to be miserable either. I asked her if she wanted something to happen with the guy and she admitted she did. We talked about our college affair and having a 3rd person in the relationship, how we not only survived that but enjoyed it. Again, to keep this short, we agreed she could explore it. The mixed emotions I have right now are crazy. Sometimes i think I must be the dumbest person in the world for letting this happen but then I think it's not my decision. She asked me last night why would she ever leave me if i care this much about her happiness.
Anyway, they talked last night and, bottom line, he said if I'm supportive he's not passing up the opportunity to be with such a gorgeous woman (she is). He's 24, former college jock so apparently has an amazing body and is good looking. They ended up in her hotel room where they were just making out and groping each other. Apparently he's rather large down there (ugh). He wanted to take it further but my wife didn't since they haven't even been on a date yet. So just the 2 of them are going to dinner tonight. She admitted she wants it to happen tonight. So, just a long, long day coming up.
But I have to admit I hadn't considered the co-worker issue and the complications that could come out. She's coming home tomorrow night so we'll have a lot to talk about. Thanks for the advice.

[gulfcpl]

I don’t understand, she’s your wife but it’s not your decision? I may get blasted here but she’s your wife and it is your decision. This is a recipe for disaster if you’re both not in agreement. If you would rather she didn’t, and she does anyway, then you’ve already lost her. I guess I, just old fashioned and every decision my wife and I have is a joint decision. Good luck.

[Christinebitg]

I guess i'm just old fashioned and every decision my wife and I have is a joint decision.

It's possible that every decision that your wife and you have is made jointly. Maybe.

Or it's possible that you think that, and it's not true. Women can be very adept at getting the men in their lives to think some things are the guy's ideas.

[gulfcpl]

I guess i'm just old fashioned and every decision my wife and I have is a joint decision.

It's possible that every decision that your wife and you have is made jointly. Maybe.

Or it's possible that you think that, and it's not true. Women can be very adept at getting the men in their lives to think some things are the guy's ideas.

I don’t think it, I know it. I’m only speaking for us, not anyone else. We’ve been married for 41 years. We talk about everything, every detail of our lives. We have no secrets. We have always communicated and I have to believe that’s what this marriage has worked all of these years.

Your statement could very well be true of some but not of us. I’m very, very grateful for the relationship we have. I do appreciate your opinion however.

[Bi+Gigh]

I don’t understand, she’s your wife but it’s not your decision? I may get blasted here but she’s your wife and it is your decision. This is a recipe for disaster if you’re both not in agreement. If you would rather she didn’t, and she does anyway, then you’ve already lost her. I guess I, just old fashioned and every decision my wife and I have is a joint decision. Good luck.

What I was trying to say was, it's not my decision alone, and that we have to both talk it through which we have done a lot this week. But we have to talk more. She's coming home tonight and I can't wait to see her and touch her. There's alot to talk about tho.
We had another guy in our relationship starting back in college so we have some experience with this lifestyle. But my emotions are not steady or consistent. My wife had some pretty intense sex with him last night. As she described everything they did afterwards I was masturbating cause I found it so hot. But I didn't sleep well because of anxiety and jealousy and questions if we're doing the right thing. But she was incredibly excited and happy last night and said the sex and the guy were amazing so I get the feeling he's going to be around for a while.
So, we'll just talk it through this weekend. Thanks for your comments.

[Chrislydi]

Affairs between co-workers in my experience are notoriously difficult to keep secret, no matter how many precautions are taken.

I've worked in a large UK banking centre for around twenty years now and in my time there I've have definitely known of nine or ten between a departmental heads and junior staff myself, (the place does have a few hundred employees), but it wasn't just me who knew in each case, but almost everyone in their department and others outside of it too. There is body language, signals, people aren't stupid and soon suspect and perhaps even unconsciously watch whenever the two are in close proximity. Enough people are naturally inquisitive and word gets around.

All of this can be just office rumours and talk, easily brushed aside, but beware anytime promotion is involved, they're undermined straight away and if not up to the new position, everyone assumes they've been sleeping around again. The problem is once you get a reputation amongst work colleagues it sticks, you get called nicknames, there are constant snide comments and you can lose respect workwise too, people can think you shouldn't have been promoted, seriously undermine you and make the position untenable, no matter how much you do or don't deserve it.

It can be a recipe for disaster unless you can seriously act indifferently to the other colleague in work and never ever be seen in a compromising position by anyone outside of it. Obviously a boss having an affair with a more junior person is the most notoriously risky, between unconnected colleagues its far less so and no problems. There are so many social functions that complete avoidance can be a hard stipulation to follow.

[Bi+Gigh]

So they hung out in her hotel room the other night and fucked multiple times. He's coming to our place tonight so I'm going to meet him. But then I'm leaving so they can be alone.
Does this mean I'm being cucked? Or is my wife a hot wife. Sorry, new to all this.

[jw_kk]

Before we starting doing the hot wife thing, KK cheated. Many, many times, from one-night, drunken fuck-fests to longer term affairs. She traveled (still does) on business frequently. In the years before the hot wifing started, KK never denied herself a guy she was attracted to. I know now from her many confessions that she fucked and sucked numerous guys when on business travel.

Now that the hot wife thing's going, when she's on a business trip, KK pretty much gets herself fucked every time - then she tells me about every dirty, hot detail when she gets back home.

[Kays cuck]

So they hung out in her hotel room the other night and fucked multiple times. He's coming to our place tonight so I'm going to meet him. But then I'm leaving so they can be alone.
Does this mean I'm being cucked? Or is my wife a hot wife. Sorry, new to all this.

Yes I think it means you are cucked and she is a hotwife. Congrats! Enjoy the fun.

[Bi+Gigh]

I never set out to be cucked. I don't even know what that means for me. But I met her guy for the first time last night. I was planning on leaving once he got here but they both insisted i stay. So we hung out for a couple of hours and had a great time. I really like him. And he's incredibly good looking (I'm bi).
But I just don't understand why it excites me to see them together being affectionate and kissing and stuff. I get feelings of jealousy and anxiety but not enough to want them to stop. It's actually exciting too.
They eventually made their way to our bedroom but I had already passed out in the guest room so I didn't get to hear them fucking.

[Cdncuck]

You use the term "passed out". If you had to drink heavily to get through this you might want to rethink what you are doing.
We've been in the lifestyle, swinging then cuckolding, a long time. We've been at parties where the husband or the wife has to be pretty stoned on booze or drugs to participate. That's not healthy.

[Bi+Gigh]

Not sure where you got that I had to "drink heavily" to get through the night. I had a great time with them. I went to bed because I wanted to give them some alone time.

[ChrisCuck]

My advice is to continue to enjoy this great situation you've got going! You and your wife seem to have a good relationship with good communication. Obviously there are risks with the guy being a co-worker. But, the deed has already been done. So no point in dwelling too much on the fact that it's a co-worker at this point.

Hopefully your wife is playing safe. If so, then there's one less thing to worry about.

I think that some of the negative feedback you'll get on here stems from guys wanting to be in control. Cuckolding is the guy's idea. The guy convinces the wife to cuckold him. The guy decides how far to take things. Even guys in femdom relationships. It was the husband's idea.

I love that it was your wife's idea to have sex with another man! The two of you discussed it. You gave her your blessings. You met the guy and like him. Yeah, you're mildly jealous. But, not enough to want it to stop. And you're excited by what's happening! So you're actually getting something out of it, rather than just tolerating the situation.

Seems like a win-win for everyone!

[Bi+Gigh]

I'm ok with it if my wife wants to continue. And just seeing her and talking about the situation, she definitely wants to continue. But it's really early to know what everyone is thinking about where to take it. Since she got back from her trip and starting to have sex with him, she's been super affectionate and loving with me. So, it's making things a little more interesting in our marriage. And our communication is great. We encourage each other to talk about anything, positive or negative, about how we're feeling about her "affair." Luckily, she doesn't seem to hold anything back.

She's playing safe to the extent that she's on birth control. But they've been barebacking. He got tested when he moved here and hadn't had sex with anyone since he had the test. Hopefully, that's fact.

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.
And I'm forming an observation that the relationship might be being built on lust (and nothing wrong with that.) Whenever they're together, they have sex. And they want to see each other a lot. They're staying at a hotel tonight (sleeping together for the firat time) which means they will have had sex for 4 of the last 8 nights. And multiple fucks each time. I can only imagine what they'll get into tonight. So I'll have some anxiety tonight with them being together for the whole night. But I'll probably jerk off until I'm raw.

[Bi+Gigh]

Both my wife and then both of them have talked to me about them not wanting just a physical relationship. In just a few short weeks of being together they have developed some pretty strong feelings about each other. And that is obvious to me, as well. They are now referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend and want to be together a lot. And I'm feeling incredibly inferior to him. He has stayed over a couple of nights and I can pretty much hear everything. From what I hear her saying and moaning about, I've just never been able to do that for her (just like my college friend). And he's huge down there (he was coming out of the bedroom to use the bathroom, I don't watch them have sex). I tried having sex with her one night after they did and it was an utter failure. We ended up masturbating together.
I still love her like crazy and she is committed to our marriage. And I can see how happy she is and how much she loves that I want her to have this. And the fact is I really like the guy. We get along really well. And I literally get off when I'm listening to them so I must like it to some extent. So, we'll keep it going, keep talking about it and see where it leads.

[Cory87]

I'm ok with it if my wife wants to continue. And just seeing her and talking about the situation, she definitely wants to continue. But it's really early to know what everyone is thinking about where to take it. Since she got back from her trip and starting to have sex with him, she's been super affectionate and loving with me. So, it's making things a little more interesting in our marriage. And our communication is great. We encourage each other to talk about anything, positive or negative, about how we're feeling about her "affair." Luckily, she doesn't seem to hold anything back.

She's playing safe to the extent that she's on birth control. But they've been barebacking. He got tested when he moved here and hadn't had sex with anyone since he had the test. Hopefully, that's fact.

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.
And I'm forming an observation that the relationship might be being built on lust (and nothing wrong with that.) Whenever they're together, they have sex. And they want to see each other a lot. They're staying at a hotel tonight (sleeping together for the firat time) which means they will have had sex for 4 of the last 8 nights. And multiple fucks each time. I can only imagine what they'll get into tonight. So I'll have some anxiety tonight with them being together for the whole night. But I'll probably jerk off until I'm raw.

You are a cuck now and your wife us cuckolding you by having sdx with someone else. You don't have to be into humiliation to be a cuckold.

[Cory87]

I'm ok with it if my wife wants to continue. And just seeing her and talking about the situation, she definitely wants to continue. But it's really early to know what everyone is thinking about where to take it. Since she got back from her trip and starting to have sex with him, she's been super affectionate and loving with me. So, it's making things a little more interesting in our marriage. And our communication is great. We encourage each other to talk about anything, positive or negative, about how we're feeling about her "affair." Luckily, she doesn't seem to hold anything back.

She's playing safe to the extent that she's on birth control. But they've been barebacking. He got tested when he moved here and hadn't had sex with anyone since he had the test. Hopefully, that's fact.

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.
And I'm forming an observation that the relationship might be being built on lust (and nothing wrong with that.) Whenever they're together, they have sex. And they want to see each other a lot. They're staying at a hotel tonight (sleeping together for the firat time) which means they will have had sex for 4 of the last 8 nights. And multiple fucks each time. I can only imagine what they'll get into tonight. So I'll have some anxiety tonight with them being together for the whole night. But I'll probably jerk off until I'm raw.

You are a cuck now and your wife us cuckolding you by having sex with someone else. You don't have to be into humiliation to be a cuckold.

[Bi+Gigh]

I'm ok with it if my wife wants to continue. And just seeing her and talking about the situation, she definitely wants to continue. But it's really early to know what everyone is thinking about where to take it. Since she got back from her trip and starting to have sex with him, she's been super affectionate and loving with me. So, it's making things a little more interesting in our marriage. And our communication is great. We encourage each other to talk about anything, positive or negative, about how we're feeling about her "affair." Luckily, she doesn't seem to hold anything back.

She's playing safe to the extent that she's on birth control. But they've been barebacking. He got tested when he moved here and hadn't had sex with anyone since he had the test. Hopefully, that's fact.

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.
And I'm forming an observation that the relationship might be being built on lust (and nothing wrong with that.) Whenever they're together, they have sex. And they want to see each other a lot. They're staying at a hotel tonight (sleeping together for the firat time) which means they will have had sex for 4 of the last 8 nights. And multiple fucks each time. I can only imagine what they'll get into tonight. So I'll have some anxiety tonight with them being together for the whole night. But I'll probably jerk off until I'm raw.

You are a cuck now and your wife us cuckolding you by having sex with someone else. You don't have to be into humiliation to be a cuckold.

But what does being a cuck mean for me? Other than sleeping in the guest room much more, what's the other stuff I should know about?

[Chrislydi]

But what does being a cuck mean for me? Other than sleeping in the guest room much more, what's the other stuff I should know about?

A cuck can mean nothing more than your wife is sleeping around with another man or it can mean far more, the spectrum is a large one and not just some customised narrow subset that's used on this site. So your wife is by definition cuckolding you.

The important point is it doesn't have to mean any more than this, you like what's happening so no need to overthink it.

[Bi+Gigh]

But what does being a cuck mean for me? Other than sleeping in the guest room much more, what's the other stuff I should know about?

A cuck can mean nothing more than your wife is sleeping around with another man or it can mean far more, the spectrum is a large one and not just some customised narrow subset that's used on this site. So your wife is by definition cuckolding you.

The important point is it doesn't have to mean any more than this, you like what's happening so no need to overthink it.

Thanks for the comments Chrislydi. And I definitely like some of the stuff that I'm experiencing. I'm not really looking for an answer on this one since it will play out over time, I guess. But I'm naturally a submissive guy, especially to guys that look and act like her guy does. When I had boyfriends in the past, I would pretty much do whatever he said. But I don't want a dominant/submissive relationship with either my wife or her bf. I want us to be equals. I'm open for some kinky stuff but nothing that would make either one of them lose respect for me.

[Chrislydi]

]
Thanks for the comments Chrislydi. And I definitely like some of the stuff that I'm experiencing. I'm not really looking for an answer on this one since it will play out over time, I guess. But I'm naturally a submissive guy, especially to guys that look and act like her guy does. When I had boyfriends in the past, I would pretty much do whatever he said. But I don't want a dominant/submissive relationship with either my wife or her bf. I want us to be equals. I'm open for some kinky stuff but nothing that would make either one of them lose respect for me.

That seemed to fit in with your wife's thoughts too, she didn't want to cuck you, as defined in the narrower sense of employing humiliation and belittling language, so you're very much on the same page. It all seems to be going in the right direction. Just keep communicating with your wife and enjoy it as it develops.