My wife has fallen in love with my best friend

[Dick_Fitts]

Hello, all! Found this site about a week ago and...wow. Lot here and ... wow. So much of this is directions I've been probably heading anyway but I've never seen people talk about so openly, honestly or intelligently so I've never considered aspects of this lifestyle a real-life option for me. Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who's shown the bravery to be a vocal part of this community, particularly this thread.

Lucky Guy 3: just wanted to say how inspiring and courageous your story - and particularly your outlook - is to me. Thank you for sharing this incredibly intimate and beautiful part of your life with the world. It's made what I feel seem a lot more normal and whole. I wish you and yours all the best in your journey and am deeply grateful.

Hope everybody's having a fantastic Friday...

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Dick_Fitts. We are glad to have you.

[bmanning42]

Lucky Guy3,
Things looking up at all as the pandemic starts to recede? We are rooting for you!
B

[DLD]

Hope all is well as we come out of this pandemic, both personally and professionally.

[wannabe_cuck442018]

Hope all is well LG3. Any news?

[jane]

wow i didn't realize how long it was since the last post , but he still logs in.

[funcpl477]

certainly wish, regardless of how things have gone, that LG3 would update us.

[nnjcpl2020]

LG3, my heart goes out to you. Life can be unfair and COVID is a terrible example of that sad fact. Your business problem is a heart breaker. You're in the same boat as are so many restauranteurs and other people to people businesses.
I would like to write you a more detailed PM when I get to my computer. I really wish I had good answers for you, but I do know that combatting depression is difficult yet essential.

God bless!

[luv2doit]

Hope you doing well.

[luckyguy3]

Hello again to all of the members of the OHW community who followed my earlier posts. Hard to believe that eighteen months have passed since my last writing. I would like to give a special thank you to all of the folks (well over a dozen) who have checked in with me over that time, asking how I was doing and if things were ok for us. In addition to the thanks, I owe them all an apology for not responding to their well meaning inquiries. I got another similar PM just today, that has prompted me to finally post an update about what's going on.

The unfortunate truth is that not every poly story has a happy - or perhaps I should say "successful" ending. To bring folks back up to speed, in early spring of 2021 it looked like our daughter would be moving out west to live with her sister. This would have freed up Jen to resume her poly relationship with my lifelong friend Dan, who had been getting increasingly frustrated by the rarity of opportunities to see Jen because our daughter and her baby were living with us. Well, not long after my last post our daughter was contacted by a headhunter in her field who arranged an interview for her with an excellent academic institution in our area. The job had a real career path, the money was good and the benefits excellent. The interview must have gone very well because they offered her the job the next day. Jen was super supportive - this was far better career wise than anything else our daughter was considering. I think part of it was that Jen has become very, very attached to our grandaughter and was dreading having the two of them move away. Jen even offered to provide free day care for the baby if our daughter took the job. That alone was worth about 20k given the cost of good daycare services in our area.

Our daughter accepted the position and has been just thrilled with the new job. She was making enough money that after the holidays last year she moved into her own apartment. Every day she drops the little girl off at our place about 730 in the morning and picks her back up at the end of the day. Jen is thrilled with the arrangement. Our grandaughter calls her "Nana" and they have developed a very special bond.

The person who got left on the outs by these developments was Dan. He had thought that he was just a month or two away from having our daughter gone and Jen living with him again at his place three days a week. He did not take the news well. Jen made some special efforts and was able to sneak off for short visits with him at his place downtown but it was nothing like the time they had shared before. Finally Dan dug his heels in and demanded that Jen and I tell our daughter the truth about our poly arrangement so that Jen could resume spending time with him on a regular basis. He even offered to make substantial changes to his townhouse to make it child friendly so that it could be a comfortable place for Jen to do the day care.

But Jen was having none of it. First, she has never been a person that you can draw lines in the sand with - I certainly learned that long ago. Second, and more importantly, Jen did not want our grandaughter to grow up in an overtly poly home. Jen felt comfortable living that lifestyle - in fact, she had thrived in it. But she had never been willing to tell our children about our lifestyle choice. And she was absolutely against raising our grandchild that way.

To all of the many members of loving, open poly families who we know are out there, we please hope that you will not be offended by Jen's choice in this regard. Jen - and I - are totally supportive of your choices and wish you happiness. But for Jen this was her Rubicon, the last step that she found herself just unwilling to take. I am sure that part of her motivation was fear, fear that our daughter might react poorly to the news and that as a result we would no longer see our grandaughter every day. I don't know that is how our daughter would have reacted, and I hope that - at least with time - she would have understood. But Jen was just not willing to take that chance.

So when Dan drew his line in the sand and told Jen that unless we told our daughter the relationship was over it Jen said fine, we're done. And that was it, after all those years. Although I am sure that Jen has missed him (both romantically and sexually) she never looked back. In just a week or two she had all of her things out of the downtown place and she has not been with him since.

Dan did not take the news well. Angry words and recriminations were exchanged. Because he has been my best friend I tried to save the mutual friendships, or at least maintain cordiality. But when he kept speaking so bitterly about Jen, blaming her so harshly for not going public, I finally got pissed. I just could not hear him talk about her that way. So Dan and I have not spoken now for well over a year, and I'm not sure if that will ever change.

Jen is overall doing well. Like I said, she absolutely loves having the little girl with us every weekday and many weekend days as well. I think that being a grandma and care giver has actually revitalized her and given her new purpose in many ways. She looks great, still sexy as hell. But it is very tiring keeping up with a toddler 9-10 hours a day and I have to admit that our sex life now is nothing like it was during the heyday of her relationship with Dan.

On the good news front the business has been able to survive and this past summer we actually made some decent money. The tourists are back in droves, my biggest problem was finding enough staff (we lost so many of our regular seasonal folks during the Covid closures.) Jen was unable to come join me to run the admin side (she was busy being "Nana") but at her suggestion her sister Deb came up for the summer as soon as her school was done for the year. Deb did a really good job (Jen taught her what needed to be done and was available to help remotely which worked out well.) But there were complications with that relationship as well. Deb had been casually dating another teacher in her school district but once she came to work she moved into my house up there. She wasted no time making it clear that she wanted to continue our sexual relationship so the two of us were pretty much a couple for almost three months. Jen said she was ok with it but I could tell that as the summer went on it was wearing on her. Its one thing to be open minded about your husband sleeping with your younger sister on occasion, its something else entirely to have him living with her and fucking her most nights (and a lot of mornings too - Deb can be very demanding) for weeks on end. I made a couple of short trips home during the season, that helped (Deb did a surprisingly good job managing stuff while I was away) but overall I don't think that is an experience that Jen would like us to repeat. To tell the truth, I don't think I would either. Deb is a wonderful gal and very enthusiastic in bed, but to me it seemed like she really got into being my full time partner - my de facto wife - while she was there. It was a little too much for me. I found that while I was comfortable with Jen having a full blown poly relationship, even to the extent that we both thought of Dan as her second husband, I was not as comfortable being in that position myself. I loved sleeping with Deb and we had a lot of fun, but living with her was a bit trying. Go figure.

I have been back home with Jen since the week after Labor Day. We have both stayed in touch with Deb of course, but I have no plans on seeing her anytime soon. Still no communications at all with Dan in almost a year now - for all I know he could have moved out of town, his company has offices all over the world. Ironically Jen still gets the occasional email from Dan's Indian colleague Rakesh who joined them for the threesome. She must have been on her best game that night, she shows me the emails when they come in and he waxes eloquently and luridly about how amazing she was. Jen just laughs - at least she can smile about it.

So that's where we are. We are healthy, have an incredible family, the business has a pulse again - compared to so many people we have nothing to complain of. Jen never mentions Dan unless I bring his name up. I have tentatively asked her a couple of times over the past year if she would like to reach out to him and possibly renew the relationship on some level. Jen is adamant that she does not and won't engage on it much. Like I said, I think that she may miss him but she won't admit it. They were genuine lovers as well as very dynamic sexual partners. But he crossed a line with her.

The person who probably misses Dan most is me. I certainly miss the friendship that we shared for most of our lives. But when I'm being really, brutally straightforward in my evaluation of my feelings and my role in all of this, I think that what I miss most of all is the poly relationship that we all shared for so long. I liked the fact that they were so attracted to each other for so many years before anything ever happened. I liked the fact that they became lovers. And I liked the fact that they fell in love and developed their own independent relationship. For whatever reason, as much as I love and adore Jen, as much as she will always be the love of my life and the heart of our family, I liked sharing her with another man who she loved and longed for and who I respected and admired. It worked for us.

Until it didn't.

[airhorn]

I'm sorry to read things didn't work out as you might have hoped, but it sounds like overall you're in a good place. Some of the extras fell off, but it sounds like the core of your family, the most important elements, are still going strong.

All things considered, this is not a bad place to be.

[mundyman]

Hello again to all of the members of the OHW community who followed my earlier posts. Hard to believe that eighteen months have passed since my last writing. I would like to give a special thank you to all of the folks (well over a dozen) who have checked in with me over that time, asking how I was doing and if things were ok for us. In addition to the thanks, I owe them all an apology for not responding to their well meaning inquiries. I got another similar PM just today, that has prompted me to finally post an update about what's going on.

The unfortunate truth is that not every poly story has a happy - or perhaps I should say "successful" ending. To bring folks back up to speed, in early spring of 2021 it looked like our daughter would be moving out west to live with her sister. This would have freed up Jen to resume her poly relationship with my lifelong friend Dan, who had been getting increasingly frustrated by the rarity of opportunities to see Jen because our daughter and her baby were living with us. Well, not long after my last post our daughter was contacted by a headhunter in her field who arranged an interview for her with an excellent academic institution in our area. The job had a real career path, the money was good and the benefits excellent. The interview must have gone very well because they offered her the job the next day. Jen was super supportive - this was far better career wise than anything else our daughter was considering. I think part of it was that Jen has become very, very attached to our grandaughter and was dreading having the two of them move away. Jen even offered to provide free day care for the baby if our daughter took the job. That alone was worth about 20k given the cost of good daycare services in our area.

Our daughter accepted the position and has been just thrilled with the new job. She was making enough money that after the holidays last year she moved into her own apartment. Every day she drops the little girl off at our place about 730 in the morning and picks her back up at the end of the day. Jen is thrilled with the arrangement. Our grandaughter calls her "Nana" and they have developed a very special bond.

The person who got left on the outs by these developments was Dan. He had thought that he was just a month or two away from having our daughter gone and Jen living with him again at his place three days a week. He did not take the news well. Jen made some special efforts and was able to sneak off for short visits with him at his place downtown but it was nothing like the time they had shared before. Finally Dan dug his heels in and demanded that Jen and I tell our daughter the truth about our poly arrangement so that Jen could resume spending time with him on a regular basis. He even offered to make substantial changes to his townhouse to make it child friendly so that it could be a comfortable place for Jen to do the day care.

But Jen was having none of it. First, she has never been a person that you can draw lines in the sand with - I certainly learned that long ago. Second, and more importantly, Jen did not want our grandaughter to grow up in an overtly poly home. Jen felt comfortable living that lifestyle - in fact, she had thrived in it. But she had never been willing to tell our children about our lifestyle choice. And she was absolutely against raising our grandchild that way.

To all of the many members of loving, open poly families who we know are out there, we please hope that you will not be offended by Jen's choice in this regard. Jen - and I - are totally supportive of your choices and wish you happiness. But for Jen this was her Rubicon, the last step that she found herself just unwilling to take. I am sure that part of her motivation was fear, fear that our daughter might react poorly to the news and that as a result we would no longer see our grandaughter every day. I don't know that is how our daughter would have reacted, and I hope that - at least with time - she would have understood. But Jen was just not willing to take that chance.

So when Dan drew his line in the sand and told Jen that unless we told our daughter the relationship was over it Jen said fine, we're done. And that was it, after all those years. Although I am sure that Jen has missed him (both romantically and sexually) she never looked back. In just a week or two she had all of her things out of the downtown place and she has not been with him since.

Dan did not take the news well. Angry words and recriminations were exchanged. Because he has been my best friend I tried to save the mutual friendships, or at least maintain cordiality. But when he kept speaking so bitterly about Jen, blaming her so harshly for not going public, I finally got pissed. I just could not hear him talk about her that way. So Dan and I have not spoken now for well over a year, and I'm not sure if that will ever change.

Jen is overall doing well. Like I said, she absolutely loves having the little girl with us every weekday and many weekend days as well. I think that being a grandma and care giver has actually revitalized her and given her new purpose in many ways. She looks great, still sexy as hell. But it is very tiring keeping up with a toddler 9-10 hours a day and I have to admit that our sex life now is nothing like it was during the heyday of her relationship with Dan.

On the good news front the business has been able to survive and this past summer we actually made some decent money. The tourists are back in droves, my biggest problem was finding enough staff (we lost so many of our regular seasonal folks during the Covid closures.) Jen was unable to come join me to run the admin side (she was busy being "Nana") but at her suggestion her sister Deb came up for the summer as soon as her school was done for the year. Deb did a really good job (Jen taught her what needed to be done and was available to help remotely which worked out well.) But there were complications with that relationship as well. Deb had been casually dating another teacher in her school district but once she came to work she moved into my house up there. She wasted no time making it clear that she wanted to continue our sexual relationship so the two of us were pretty much a couple for almost three months. Jen said she was ok with it but I could tell that as the summer went on it was wearing on her. Its one thing to be open minded about your husband sleeping with your younger sister on occasion, its something else entirely to have him living with her and fucking her most nights (and a lot of mornings too - Deb can be very demanding) for weeks on end. I made a couple of short trips home during the season, that helped (Deb did a surprisingly good job managing stuff while I was away) but overall I don't think that is an experience that Jen would like us to repeat. To tell the truth, I don't think I would either. Deb is a wonderful gal and very enthusiastic in bed, but to me it seemed like she really got into being my full time partner - my de facto wife - while she was there. It was a little too much for me. I found that while I was comfortable with Jen having a full blown poly relationship, even to the extent that we both thought of Dan as her second husband, I was not as comfortable being in that position myself. I loved sleeping with Deb and we had a lot of fun, but living with her was a bit trying. Go figure.

I have been back home with Jen since the week after Labor Day. We have both stayed in touch with Deb of course, but I have no plans on seeing her anytime soon. Still no communications at all with Dan in almost a year now - for all I know he could have moved out of town, his company has offices all over the world. Ironically Jen still gets the occasional email from Dan's Indian colleague Rakesh who joined them for the threesome. She must have been on her best game that night, she shows me the emails when they come in and he waxes eloquently and luridly about how amazing she was. Jen just laughs - at least she can smile about it.

So that's where we are. We are healthy, have an incredible family, the business has a pulse again - compared to so many people we have nothing to complain of. Jen never mentions Dan unless I bring his name up. I have tentatively asked her a couple of times over the past year if she would like to reach out to him and possibly renew the relationship on some level. Jen is adamant that she does not and won't engage on it much. Like I said, I think that she may miss him but she won't admit it. They were genuine lovers as well as very dynamic sexual partners. But he crossed a line with her.

The person who probably misses Dan most is me. I certainly miss the friendship that we shared for most of our lives. But when I'm being really, brutally straightforward in my evaluation of my feelings and my role in all of this, I think that what I miss most of all is the poly relationship that we all shared for so long. I liked the fact that they were so attracted to each other for so many years before anything ever happened. I liked the fact that they became lovers. And I liked the fact that they fell in love and developed their own independent relationship. For whatever reason, as much as I love and adore Jen, as much as she will always be the love of my life and the heart of our family, I liked sharing her with another man who she loved and longed for and who I respected and admired. It worked for us.

Until it didn't.

Hey LG3, thanks for the update.
What a blessing that you and your wife get to spend so much time with your granddaughter.
Like you said, you have so much more than many others do. While you miss the Jen and Dan dynamic in your life, hopefully you look back and realize you are lucky to even have lived that life for several years.
Look forward not back, give thanks for all you have, enjoy the memories and strive to make new ones.
All the best.

[regular3]

Thank you for the update. You are truly blessed to have the family you have and they are first and foremost in importance.
Just a couple of questions if i may.
Did dan try to pressure you to pressure Jen?
Is Jen interested in the hotwife lifestyle or are deeer relationships her only outlet?
Thanks so much for your commentary and insights over the years.

[Observer1931]

Thank you for your great update. So glad so many thins have worked out for you and hope they continue.

[Observer1931]

Duplicate

[Mad Dog65]

Hi LG3,

Thank you for coming back and sharing such a thoughtful and detailed update on your life and its evolution to where you all are today. It is great to hear that you and your wife are in a new routine and that you are spending such priceless time with your grand daughter - such an incredible blessing to have that time with her. Who knows what the future will bring and enjoy its fruits and offerings as you have done!

MD

[Rockhard11]

Thanks so much for the update. I don’t comment much, but really happy to hear you are all well through this adventure.

[D+D]

Ty for the update. Family first…ALWAYS! Dan didn’t have the right to make demands of Jen that would interfere with her family. Certainly glad that your business is full speed ahead again too. It may not be hardly as exciting since Dan isn’t Jen’s second husband anymore but your family sounds happy and healthy and that’s what is genuinely important.

[Farmgirl]

Ty for the update. Family first…ALWAYS! Dan didn’t have the right to make demands of Jen that would interfere with her family. Certainly glad that your business is full speed ahead again too. It may not be hardly as exciting since Dan isn’t Jen’s second husband anymore but your family sounds happy and healthy and that’s what is genuinely important.

Very well said, D+D!

[Chrislydi]

An amazing experience never to be forgotten with the only ending possible. While you can relive the past and there must still be a little hot magic left in those memories, I can't disagree with a single word D+D posted.

'Family first…ALWAYS! Dan didn’t have the right to make demands of Jen that would interfere with her family. Certainly glad that your business is full speed ahead again too. It may not be hardly as exciting since Dan isn’t Jen’s second husband anymore but your family sounds happy and healthy and that’s what is genuinely important.'

Exactly right in all respects.

Chris

[jane]

honestly not that surprised. all things have an ending.

[germancuck-1]

This outcome is unfortunate but it´s not surprising that Dan took that route.

This highlights a point which gets overlooked frequently: What´s in it for the BF in the long run? We tend to get used to seeing things through the glasses of the couple only, and a BF not playing along is frequently seen as an unwarranted disturbance which would not have happened had he behaved as he was supposed to.

Dan may not have had any right to make demands (and it´s open to discussion if his demands did in fact interfere with family life since he was willing to make a considerable effort that Jen could be with him and be a grandmother), but Luckyguy3 & Jen had as little right to expect him to remain in a waiting position of undefined length, with his commitment to the relationship unreciprocated.

In fact, the term "right" does not really apply here. This is not about an elusive notion of "rights" in relationships but about negotiating what each party hopes to get out of the situation. Since it would appear that little or no negotiating took place and the crucial decisions were made on principle, the situation became so unattractive to Dan that being single again with a chance on a new relationship appeared preferable. I don´t blame him.

[luckyguy3]

This may sound strange, but over the years that I have been reading the many and varied stories on the OHW board it has struck me that understanding and appreciating the posts in some ways resembles assembling a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle where you do not have the box cover showing you what the final picture actually looks like. The posters (like myself) are only human and can convey in their submissions just a small segment of all the details about what are very complex, nuanced and often highly emotional situations. So when readers are given only 50-100 pieces of the 1000 piece puzzle, readers naturally and understandably try to fill in the “rest of the story” so that it all makes sense. When we do that we tend to rely on our own past experiences as a guide. But this is a very precarious process, and our own past experiences and issues may lead us to make assumptions that are pretty far off the mark.

I suppose this is my rather abstract and overlong way of responding to Mr. Germancuck’s recent commentary that Jen and I had in some way been inequitable in our treatment of Dan. I know nothing of Mr. Germancuck’s personal situation, but for whatever reason he has chosen to piece the puzzle together in a way that has little resemblance to the actual events that transpired.

When I said that Jen felt that Dan had crossed a line, I should have made it clearer that I was 100% in agreement with her. You will recall that Dan was insisting that Jen tell our daughter all of the details of our polyamorous lifestyle so that she could resume living with him part time. What I did not tell you was that when Jen told him she was not comfortable taking that step, Dan threatened that he would send an email to our daughter telling her himself - and to our other children and their spouses as well. To Jen - and I - that was beyond the pale. That’s when Jen told him the relationship was over, whether he sent the email or not. You just don’t threaten people you love that way.

These additional “pieces of the puzzle” may or may not cause Mr. Germancuck to reconsider his assessment of our lives. If I may be forgiven for stealing a classic old movie line, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Sincere thanks to each and every one of you who has wished us well. It has been inspirational to see so many of you coming to the same place from your own different perspectives and experiences. When all is said and done, as we pass through this life nothing is more paramount than our families and our relationships with our loved ones. In that regard Jen and I are truly blessed.

[germancuck-1]

Luckyguy, thanks for the interesting reply!

You are spot on with the assessment that I tried to build my view of the situation based on the information that was given so far. Behaviour like an attempt at blackmail involving not only those that are directly concerned, but other people in your social circle as well does indeed change my view.

Up to this point I saw the outcome of your situation as result of a general problem in a relationship (involving a third person) when priorities change fundamentally due to circumstances. I do not recall the exact phrase, but at one point you hinted that Dan ended up being the one left out in the process. I took that as the cause for his frustration having mounted such that the only solution he saw was throwing all leverage he felt he had left onto the scale.

I also interpreted this phrase as sort of an agreement on your part that his frustration was not entirely unfounded. When you wrote that Jen doesn´t take kindly to lines being drawn, I took this in a rather general way, which is why I wrote that the final decision making happened on principle (both on your and his part). Whatever kind of frustration he may have had, and how well founded or not they may have been, the kind of blackmail you indicated is unacceptable.

Apart from your and Jen´s individual situation, I do feel that the BF/FB/FWB/Bull - whatever - is frequently looked at somewhat unkindly. This is my general impression from comments I read over time regarding situations in which he removes himself from the equation in one way or another. I felt this particularly to be the case in long term situations, because the fact of time spent on a triad having a different value for someone who has no one to turn to if things fall apart is under-appreciated.

Based on my initial reading of your situation, I felt your story is a possible case in point. This has changed in light of your additional comments.

[trecital]

I do feel that the BF/FB/FWB/Bull - whatever - is frequently looked at somewhat unkindly. This is my general impression from comments I read over time regarding situations in which he removes himself from the equation in one way or another. I felt this particularly to be the case in long term situations, because the fact of time spent on a triad having a different value for someone who has no one to turn to if things fall apart is under-appreciated.

I'm not sure that "BF/FB/FWB/Bull"s are looked at somewhat unkindly. I don't really see the evidence for that.

"the fact of time spent on a triad having a different value for someone who has no one to turn to if things fall apart"....but surely the bull, FB or whatever, knew that was the situation at the beginning. As a Bull/FB etc you shouldn't expect to 'have your cake and eat it'. In this case Dan should have considered himself lucky and priviliged. Jen showing him the door was the right thing to do.

Yeah, poor old Bull....my heart is bleeding for him....(not!).