A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

You've always come across as a highly intelligent, thoughtful and caring person and it's why I think you'll find a way through this unfathomable maze. It looks as if you've settled on an approach you're happy with and can now temporarily put it aside and devote your thoughts to your dad and his and your family. I hope things take a turn for the better and they've treated the stroke early enough to minimise any longer term damage. All the very best for your job interview, you deserve some good news for once.

Chris

Thanks Chris. Yes all in all its been a very rough day all round. I wish I stayed home from the park. I went as it's kind of my happy place and hoping it would cheer me up but I wasn't in a good frame of mind to have that kind of encounter with the girl. I'm really at a loss as to what happened. It went from that big happy wave at start of last meeting to suddenly a 5 day absence and then bad vibes when she did come. Very strange indeed.

Yes hopefully the interview will go well in the morning and then I can try and work out a new plan for next steps but I'm too thoroughly wrung out at the moment for planning anything.

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

this girl and her dog have no bearing on your path, (could do in the future..) but you have to sort out what is happening at home now and resolve one way or another. You need to take some steps

Couple of options.
1. Talk to her mother and see what she does 3/10
2. After she comes to bed, a little latter go down and lock her laptop away.
3. Get up before her, have a coffee each side of the breakfast bar, have a note pad by you, she will freek, but you have to be strong, and in a calm voice tell her the two of you need to talk, work through your thought process and say you're not getting the laptop back until we decide to divorce or reconcile.

[newaussiecuck]

The interview went well so fingers crossed I'll be starting a new job maybe next week and looking to get back on my feet and feeling the rewards of making a contribution. Some income coming in will also be very well received.

The job will also bring some opportunities and challenges to make or break things. I can't remember if I mentioned it before but this online thing my wife is doing also costs some money. There's a monthly subscription which isn't too bad. However there are other purchases that can be made on there and I feel that she will be expecting me to make some now that we will have some income. It was actually getting a bit expensive before I put my foot down and she toned it down. I put a hard stop once I stopped working. She may see my return to work as an opportunity to start up again. This will be a firm NO from me! So I will have to push back very hard against that and she may/probably will get very angry in response. I can see it causing a very heated discussion around finances and she will throw every trick in the book to get me to relent.

I will be away a LOT working. The long commute basically means I'll be getting up very early and driving to the office (where I'll probably eat my breakfast) and she will have to get her own rather than having me serving it to her every morning. She will likely have to also walk the dog in the morning too. It will also be later getting home and will pretty much only have time to eat and maybe an hour to hang around before going to bed early for the next day. Thus if she doesn't make herself available during that time she will have no interactions from me. Same with weekends, that will pretty much be our only time to spend together. If she's not willing to give up her computer time to spend it with me then we will have zero time together. Things will come to a head very quickly in that regards. Thing is, if she's not on the computer nights and weekends then her online partner will probably break things off, so it will be interesting to see what happens.

I think I may try to set my expectations of how I want things to go once I start back, and spend the next month with my head down getting settled into the new job and see if she does the right thing or not. If things haven't returned to normality by then, that's when I may have to start forcing things like the discussion Gordon suggested. I think the new job would add weight to my argument that our marriage can't survive if the online thing continues.

I see things may become very explosive in the weeks to come. I will need to hold firm and not relent no matter what. After the girl came into my life, maybe only briefly, I've seen a glimpse of an alternative future that I could have with her or someone else that was looking attractive. I can use this to help me find the courage to stand my ground to make things right. Until now I've been too much of a pushover and not wanting to risk losing what I have. I feel much more confident now to stand up, push back and risk it all to get what I (and we) need to survive. Knowing that life isn't over even if my marriage ends will hopefully give me the courage to save my marriage. I'm a firm believer that people come into and out of our lives at different times for various reasons. Maybe this is the reason the girl came into my life at this time, to give me this courage and maybe now her role may be over. I've stared into the abyss and seen it's not so bad after all.

In regards to the girl, yeah it sucks but is probably for the best. I still don't know what happened and likely never will. I think I can hold my head up high that I handled everything pretty well and like an adult. There was an obvious attraction there but I don't think I embarrassed myself too much. It's probably for the best though and who knows what will happen in the future. I'll just hang back and treat her like the others I guess and she will have to signal again if she wants something further and then we can have a chat. I certainly won't be chasing after her or rushing into anything like that. Maybe she was pissed I didn't lose my head with her beauty and try and jump on her or something, instant gratification of the younger generation and all. Maybe my ability to keep a cool and calm head pissed her off, who knows. Whatever happened, disappearing for 5 days and then hardly wanting to speak to me for no apparent reason was pretty childish. If I did something wrong then of course I could understand, but nothing I did or didn't do should have caused that reaction. Very odd.

Maybe the universe was testing me and hopefully I passed. I probably had an opportunity there in that spot alone in the almost dark by the water to make a move on her and maybe that was what she was expecting and wanted. Thinking back to the way she looked in that moment versus the way she looked yesterday, yes that is probably what she wanted. In fact thinking and comparing now the way she looked on both occasions it's hard to believe they were actually the same girl. After the experience yesterday I can see clearer now that yes she probably was giving a signal to make a move in that moment. I showed certain unmistakable interest but never took advantage of her or anything like that, I showed restraint. Maybe I passed the test I was given by the universe. Things could have taken a very bad turn at that point if I had tried anything whether it was well received or not.

At least I have my plan in place now if interest does return. However, I won't be rushed into anything no matter how tempting.

[newaussiecuck]

Went to the park again yesterday and the girl wasn't there again, but was also terrible weather so wasn't expecting it. Is it wrong to say that I had dreams about her last 2 nights in a row? I keep thinking of her in that spot, down by the water. With the way things were last time I also don't expect to see her around much anymore, and I also won't be around much there anymore either. Might bump into her occasionally maybe on a weekend or something every few weeks but that's probably about it. Feeling a bit hollow about it all to be honest. I'm also feeling pretty hollow about the job situation, which is probably also feeding into the feelings with the girl, and also what's going on with my dad etc etc.

I got feedback yesterday from the job that I REALLY wanted and would be so excited to get. The one that is a step up and pays more than the one I got fired from. They told me that they thought I could do the job very well and that they liked me and thought I would fit in really well. Sounds great and all positive right? However they're not giving me the job because they think I'm too senior for it and would get bored and leave after a short time! I'm really confused and don't know what to do with this given it was already a step up from the job that I had been doing for the last 6 years. I think shattered is probably the right way to describe it.

It looks like I'm going to be offered the other job with low pay and very long commute, which is at least some good news. I got word this morning that it's progressed to final stage, reference checks so it should be pretty much a formality from here. Yes it's good news, but I feel really hollow about it after what happened with the job that I really wanted and I'm really dreading the commute.

[newaussiecuck]

I keep feeling guilty for the way I think and feel about the girl until I go into the other room and see my wife on her computer with that stupid look on her face when typing away. I was feeling this way after what I just wrote in my last update until I just went into that room just now.

Last couple of days she's been a lot better towards me in regards to my dad and maybe after sensing how I perhaps was starting to think of moving on etc etc. However it doesn't feel so real, especially when I still keep seeing her with that look on her face. I've been in this position many times before when she starts being nicer to me after I vent my frustrations, but nothing substantially changes and then she goes back to normal once I've backed off and stopped getting on her case.

I talked with her about the job and likely getting the offer and how I felt about the other one. I could tell she pretended to care but I don't feel she really does. I almost feel that as long as I get something and I'm not around to bother her as much then she's not really interested in what I do.

That's what's hardest about all of this. She's there physically (even though physically distant on the other couch) but mentally and emotionally she's just completely absent most of the time.

[Whosbeensleeping]

That's a bummer. Was wondering how it panned out. Hope the other job does come through and has some good aspects. Commuting is not fun, to be sure.
Keep us updated please. Doesn't have to be all about the challenges with your wife.
Not surprising you dreamed of the girl from the park. Hope you are able to connect again some day, even if it turns out to be platonic. Connection is everything.

[newaussiecuck]

That's a bummer. Was wondering how it panned out. Hope the other job does come through and has some good aspects. Commuting is not fun, to be sure.
Keep us updated please. Doesn't have to be all about the challenges with your wife.
Not surprising you dreamed of the girl from the park. Hope you are able to connect again some day, even if it turns out to be platonic. Connection is everything.

Thank you and will do. I would hate it to end with the girl on this kind of a note, it feels like there's so much that's unresolved there.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Just saw your other update. You're probably right about your wife being happy to have more time on her own and her mind being elsewhere. It's a tough situation, no doubt. Of course timing is tricky, but at some point you'll have to confront the issues. Rooting for you as always.

[newaussiecuck]

Thank you, yes the whole situation all around is pretty tough. I agree though that we need to sort this out one way or another soon. As mentioned I think in about a month's time sounds about right to judge how my more normal work situation will change things. Would be about the right time for a good discussion. However, I will have some initial discussions sooner to set my expectations when I start my new job. I will likely suggest that she will need to keep her evenings and weekends free or we won't see each other. Will see how that goes and maybe suggest that she consider giving up the game she is playing and tell her that it isn't good for us. Her reaction should tell me a lot about what to expect over the next month or so.

It's hard with her now being nice and pretending to care as it is more difficult to consider moving on and I can already feel it weakening my resolve for the "tough love" approach. However it really does feel fake all just to prevent me from doing just that. Her life is too good with me around, as long as she doesn't have to interact with me too much. Sorry it sounds harsh but I've been here before many times. We're just going around and around.
She won't let me go easily or her life will suffer, and she seemingly won't give up her computer thing either. It's clear that she doesn't give two shits about me or my happiness. So I have an uphill battle on my hands to either move forwards together or move on with park girl.

Tonight I was telling her the latest updates on my dad's condition (improving) and that they might have gotten to the bottom of the root cause and have started treatment and he's walking and talking better now. She was looking at me and listening and then while I was explaining I could see her eyes glaze over and look at the screen and start typing something. I finished what I was saying and there was a pause for about 10 seconds with a blank look on her face and then she said something kind of vague in response. Clearly she wasn't listening and the person on the computer was more important. I mean it's only my dad in hospital that we're talking about.

So to change the subject I went to the park again and the girl still not there again. So I've only seen her once in the last week. I do think it's mostly because she's busy and she's either realised I need more time to sort myself out or her feelings have changed. I guess they came on fast and could go just as fast.

I did speak to someone there today who she is also friends with (he's married and his wife goes all the time), they have the same type of dog so they're always talking if she's not talking with me. He also goes to the park twice a day instead of just the once that I go. So when she mentioned she's been going at other times I thought maybe she was just going the other time that he goes which would make sense. However he said he hasn't seen her for quite a while either. However he did give one piece of information. She told him during the time that she was there most days that it was only because of the holidays that she was going so often. So I can see that now the holidays are over she's not going much. So that's the same as what she told me (she's busy now) and explains why she isn't going much anymore.

So I'll just have to wait a while to see her again it seems and then maybe have a chat and see where we are at. If she's not there again tomorrow then I might not see her for a week or two.

[newaussiecuck]

I was doing some research on dating in park girl's culture and I think I've figured out the mystery and the required next steps. So, she's done what she needed to do to get my attention. She's certainly done that very well I must say since I'm now having dreams about her. The rest is now up to me. In her culture she will show interest and get my attention and maybe smile and flirt etc but will never ask me out or make the first move. That is always up to the guy. So seems that maybe she's been waiting for me to ask her out on a date. That will explain her somewhat frosty attitude last time I saw her, she's getting impatient with me after all her hard work to get my attention which she clearly already has.

If I am to date her, then I will need to take the lead in pretty much everything. Asking for the date, deciding where to go and what to do, making the first move while on the date etc. That would be quite a challenge for me and something I would need to work at.

So seems that's where it's at. I will need to ask her out on a date if I am to get to know her better, and she me.

[Lucky Dog]

Please keep in mind that whether or not another woman is attracted to you does not change how good your marriage is. Finding a fun relationship doesn't tell you if you and your wife will work out. Sometimes, however, we distract ourselves with a fun relationship and fail to work on the one we have to decide about.

Also, there is another phenomenon where every relationship we didn't have seems better than every one we did. This is because if we never had the relationship with the pretty girl, we fantasize all about what it would have been. If we had a relationship and it didn't work, we know it wasn't good. Or if the current marriage is a struggle, we know that, too.

You need to find out if there is any reason to stay married. I'm really happy you found a new job, but it alone won't make your life good if your marriage is a source of continuing pain. I'm sure you'll be able to stay employed and find future relationships. Whether or not you should do the latter depends on how well your marriage is going.

[afagehi7]

Wow, I didn't have this bookmarked so lots has happened.

Reading very quickly: time to see a lawyer about wife. Well a year ago was the time. Go to an attorney and figure out what your options are. It's not getting better and is getting worse and she's obviously in love with someone else. You're just a bill payer now and she's using you. An attorney will help you understand the different paths forward, but don't let her know.

2: Asian girl... I would say that it's over. She's obviously avoiding you. Is it because she's embarrassed that you didn't go after her? Dunno, if her English is so good she's probably in tune with your cultural pattern. It's hard to fake emotions and she doesn't seem happy when she does see you. I think her friends or family may have gotten to her. You're not in a place to date anyway.

Here's what I would do: see a lawyer and get things in motion and know your options. Next time you see Asian girl you could say that you've seen an attorney and are planning a divorce... If she seems interesting you could say "if I had asked you out a few weeks ago would you have said yes?"...

I'm not buying the cultural thing is why she is avoiding you. Probably someone close to her getting on her case about an old married guy. Also watch for scammers... The second money comes into the equation, run.

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

I agree with afagehi7, said it on other threads, have no idea what divorce laws are like in Aussie, in the UK You could lose 1/2 of your pension pot, you may end up paying alimony, house sold and equity split 50/50, etc, etc but I'm guessing, so go see a lawyer, again in the UK you can generally get a 15-30 minute consultation for free. They will at a high level give you what you could expect, but go in prepaid, go back over 3 years, what each of you have contributed (earned), who paid the mortgage, bills etc, assets you/her have house, pension pots, savings etc. That will help them to advise them and to you make some decisions.

Forget the girl in the park, she is just a distraction, you have only met her in the park for chats, not been on any dates, don't know what she wants etc. You've also said she may have gone back studying, so this is just a distraction to you decision making process and an excuse your using to delay things. You need to sort things at home one way or the other. I went into divorce shit scared at what I'll lose etc, but years later I know I have come out the other side better than her, she buried her head in the sand, where as I made plans to secure my retirement, hoped to retire this year but need another couple of years to recoup what divorce cost me, but I am happy.

You need to have a plan
1. Start job xx/xx/xx
2. Probation finished xx/xx/xx
3. Talk to MIL xx/xx/xx see what she advises.
4. Point 3 xx/xx/xx + x days, depending on 3 confront you wife, get her the other side of the breakfast bar/dinning room table and lay it down straight, don't plead, don't negotiate, state this is what I/we need to happen over the next xx weeks/months, are you in or out, I am at peace with divorcing you now or after xx weeks if you bail it. You have to do the work, she is in what is known as an emotional affair, but one saving grace is it seems it would be difficult for her to cross from an EA to PA, which I suspect would be a red line.
5. Go to IC (individual counseling) and during 4 advise her to go to her own. Do NOT do marriage counseling, that may come after you both have been through IC and want further help, but MC's main focus is saving the marriage irrespective of the cost, so they will urge you to rug sweep etc.

You are not happy, but it is in your hands to change that, start down that path.

[newaussiecuck]

Wow, I didn't have this bookmarked so lots has happened.

Reading very quickly: time to see a lawyer about wife. Well a year ago was the time. Go to an attorney and figure out what your options are. It's not getting better and is getting worse and she's obviously in love with someone else. You're just a bill payer now and she's using you. An attorney will help you understand the different paths forward, but don't let her know.

2: Asian girl... I would say that it's over. She's obviously avoiding you. Is it because she's embarrassed that you didn't go after her? Dunno, if her English is so good she's probably in tune with your cultural pattern. It's hard to fake emotions and she doesn't seem happy when she does see you. I think her friends or family may have gotten to her. You're not in a place to date anyway.

Here's what I would do: see a lawyer and get things in motion and know your options. Next time you see Asian girl you could say that you've seen an attorney and are planning a divorce... If she seems interesting you could say "if I had asked you out a few weeks ago would you have said yes?"...

I'm not buying the cultural thing is why she is avoiding you. Probably someone close to her getting on her case about an old married guy. Also watch for scammers... The second money comes into the equation, run.

Thank you, yes great advice there. It's hard to judge on that one last meeting how things were with the girl. I was in a terrible state after just hearing about my father a couple of hours earlier and not knowing how bad it was. She would have seen it written all over my face when she first saw me, well before she came anywhere near me. She likely interpreted that as me being unfairly pissed at her or something for not coming for a few days. If she thought that, then yes I don't blaim her for acting that way. She wasn't acting terribly towards me, just not the overly excited reactions of the last few days and kept her distance. At least I was later able to tell her about my dad so maybe she will realise that was the problem. Until I see her again I just won't know. She did say she was busy with school and the other guy at the park confirmed she'd also told him the same thing. She's studying and working as a nurse at a hospital and it's all over the papers how they're all slammed and run off their feet at the moment, it's a complete disaster. They're also calling up student nurses to fill shortfalls in the system so yes I don't doubt for a 2nd she is very busy with that and trying to study on top of that also. She also said that she was staying away from people more as she was feeling a bit under the weather and didn't want to risk passing anything on. She may have also given time away for me to sort out my feelings etc and see how I react when she comes back (badly due to the news about my dad).

Anyway, you're right I can't be getting into anything much with her at this point but I would like the chance to have an honest talk with her about what's going on and how she and I feel about things.

Yes, my first step from here will be to chat with a lawyer privately over the phone. I might try and get that done today or tomorrow.

[newaussiecuck]

Deleted double post.

[newaussiecuck]

So I did a little online research on divorce in Australia and it seems like it's not such a great situation for me. They take into account all assets and who brought what and contributed what (pretty much all contributed by me). So this part does go in my favour. However, they then take into account future living requirements etc. So basically because she doesn't work and pretty much has never worked and I have a good income, then she will likely get 50% or maybe more of the assets to make up for that fact that she has pretty much zero earnings potential and I do. So basically I get penalised for being a very hard worker with good future earnings potential, even though all of the assets were because of my hard work in the first place.

There's a no fault divorce here so they don't take into consideration who was at fault, so no credit would be given that she caused it by having a 2 year affair etc. All they care about is whether the marriage has ended and they don't take into consideration how or why it ended.

They also require 12 months separation prior to the divorce.

She's a very smart cookie so I wouldn't be totally surprised if she checked all this out prior to having the emotional affair in the first place. Realising I'd be screwed and nothing much I can do about it.

I'll still need a phone call with a lawyer to confirm all this.

[afagehi7]

So I did a little online research on divorce in Australia and it seems like it's not such a great situation for me. They take into account all assets and who brought what and contributed what (pretty much all contributed by me). So this part does go in my favour. However, they then take into account future living requirements etc. So basically because she doesn't work and pretty much has never worked and I have a good income, then she will likely get 50% or maybe more of the assets to make up for that fact that she has pretty much zero earnings potential and I do. So basically I get penalised for being a very hard worker with good future earnings potential, even though all of the assets were because of my hard work in the first place.

There's a no fault divorce here so they don't take into consideration who was at fault, so no credit would be given that she caused it by having a 2 year affair etc. All they care about is whether the marriage has ended and they don't take into consideration how or why it ended.

They also require 12 months separation prior to the divorce.

She's a very smart cookie so I wouldn't be totally surprised if she checked all this out prior to having the emotional affair in the first place. Realising I'd be screwed and nothing much I can do about it.

I'll still need a phone call with a lawyer to confirm all this.

Yes, perhaps there's other options for you, or maybe a way to protect some assets. Many us states are very similar and some also have mandatory waiting periods.

If she gets half she gets half... But staying together while your miserable and she's in love with someone else isn't good just to keep assets because eventually it'll end anyway. Wouldn't you be happier with less assets in a one bedroom flat alone than now? Plus you can start the dating pool and see what is out there.

Read up on red pill, not saying to take it as the gospel but there's a lot of truth in that way of thinking. Don't simp and understanding how many women act, it'll help you identify the good ones.

[newaussiecuck]

I had a bit of stuffing around with the car today not working properly after service so had to take it out for a few runs etc. Told wife I was taking it for a long run. Got phone call just before arriving home wondering where I am. Basically she was checking up on me. The fucking nerve while she's sitting there all day and night having an emotional affair. I think that's called projection.

When taking the dog to the park later she started asking the dog (not me) if she could come. She did the same the other day. I ignored the comment both times. I've only been begging and pleading for her to come places with me for two long years now. I don't want her there now, it's my place to get away from everything (and yes to hopefully see park girl).

We talked about getting take away on my way back and I agreed. While I was at the park she actually called me (first time ever) to tell me not to be long there because she was getting hungry. It was just an excuse, she's not liking me going there or spending much time there. Then she said "I love you" before hanging up, expecting me to repeat it of course. I did but only because park girl wasn't there and I was off to the side by myself at the time. I think she did that so I would have to say it in case I was with someone (ahem park girl).

When I got home she was asking about the park and I told her how much the dog loved it when someone patted her and that she really enjoyed it. So wife wanted to know the name of the person. I did know the name (it was a different girl but equally young and hot too) but just said I didn't know and that I don't know many people's names, just the dog names. This is true. So yes I'd say she's sensing something and trying to keep me in line. I hardly care anymore to be honest. Until there's change in her computer activity I really just don't care anymore. The way she's doing all those phone calls and questions etc but still doing her computer thing instead of spending time with me tells me volumes. She doesn't really care how I feel or if I'm miserable as long as I don't move on from her.

So yeah, no park girl again today. I do wonder if her comment about going there at different times was a subtle hint to me to go there with her at a different time when there's not many people around. She did make the point of saying she was going at other times to avoid bigger crowds. I think now she might have been hoping I'd pick up on that and ask her what times and to meet her there when nobody is around. She did ask a couple of weeks back where I live and how long it takes me to get there. Maybe that was so we could organise meetings there. Damn I'm slow at this and bad at getting hints. She had to sledgehammer me with the comment about having her dog before I got the hint that she was interested in me.

Next time I see her I'll ask her contact details and ask to meet her. I don't even care so much about texts and calls info being discovered on my phone.

So yeah basically I don't know where things are at with park girl but I think this is a good thing that I wasn't too easy. It will also show if she's serious or not. She knows I'm interested but just move slowly (since it took me many days to even ask her name but I eventually did), so if she's given up now then I can tell she wasn't serious and likely a scammer or something. I really do think she's just busy and also giving me time to sort out my feelings. I have a feeling she's getting help and advice from big sister, she probably got told to not go so often and make me miss her. It's working! I now find myself looking up Facebook page for the park and see if I can contact her that way.

[newaussiecuck]

So I did a little online research on divorce in Australia and it seems like it's not such a great situation for me. They take into account all assets and who brought what and contributed what (pretty much all contributed by me). So this part does go in my favour. However, they then take into account future living requirements etc. So basically because she doesn't work and pretty much has never worked and I have a good income, then she will likely get 50% or maybe more of the assets to make up for that fact that she has pretty much zero earnings potential and I do. So basically I get penalised for being a very hard worker with good future earnings potential, even though all of the assets were because of my hard work in the first place.

There's a no fault divorce here so they don't take into consideration who was at fault, so no credit would be given that she caused it by having a 2 year affair etc. All they care about is whether the marriage has ended and they don't take into consideration how or why it ended.

They also require 12 months separation prior to the divorce.

She's a very smart cookie so I wouldn't be totally surprised if she checked all this out prior to having the emotional affair in the first place. Realising I'd be screwed and nothing much I can do about it.

I'll still need a phone call with a lawyer to confirm all this.

Yes, perhaps there's other options for you, or maybe a way to protect some assets. Many us states are very similar and some also have mandatory waiting periods.

If she gets half she gets half... But staying together while your miserable and she's in love with someone else isn't good just to keep assets because eventually it'll end anyway. Wouldn't you be happier with less assets in a one bedroom flat alone than now? Plus you can start the dating pool and see what is out there.

Read up on red pill, not saying to take it as the gospel but there's a lot of truth in that way of thinking. Don't simp and understanding how many women act, it'll help you identify the good ones.

You're right and I was thinking the longer I leave it the more assets I have to split and the less time to earn it back again. Having said that, if she gave up on the computer thing and chose me then there might still be hope to save it. However I do feel that window is closing fast.

I forgot to mention in my other post that I got the job offer (lower pay and long commute). I'm actually not dreading the time away from home though. I think it will be good for me.

[gordon921]

You're right and I was thinking the longer I leave it the more assets I have to split and the less time to earn it back again. Having said that, if she gave up on the computer thing and chose me then there might still be hope to save it. However I do feel that window is closing fast.

I forgot to mention in my other post that I got the job offer (lower pay and long commute). I'm actually not dreading the time away from home though. I think it will be good for me.

Having been through a divorce 18 years ago, it was scary, but with the house it's 50/50 of the equity, I was able to remortgage and buy her out, still paying that off. But I'm sure there are lots of other questions which only a solicitor/lawyer can answer, like alimony - roughly and for how long, pension etc. She will have to go out and work, full time, the courts will not make you pay so she can sit at home the whole time for years to come.

So you have to make up your mind, do you try and save your marriage and if that does not work, walk away with the knowledge you at least tried bloody hard or just walk away. Either way the result possibly would be the same.

Personally from what you've been saying here I think you should try and save it and that means initially doing the work to get through to her and then her realising what she is in danger of losing and take over the heavy work.

Whatever you decide keep us posted.

[newaussiecuck]

You're right and I was thinking the longer I leave it the more assets I have to split and the less time to earn it back again. Having said that, if she gave up on the computer thing and chose me then there might still be hope to save it. However I do feel that window is closing fast.

I forgot to mention in my other post that I got the job offer (lower pay and long commute). I'm actually not dreading the time away from home though. I think it will be good for me.

Having been through a divorce 18 years ago, it was scary, but with the house it's 50/50 of the equity, I was able to remortgage and buy her out, still paying that off. But I'm sure there are lots of other questions which only a solicitor/lawyer can answer, like alimony - roughly and for how long, pension etc. She will have to go out and work, full time, the courts will not make you pay so she can sit at home the whole time for years to come.

So you have to make up your mind, do you try and save your marriage and if that does not work, walk away with the knowledge you at least tried bloody hard or just walk away. Either way the result possibly would be the same.

Personally from what you've been saying here I think you should try and save it and that means initially doing the work to get through to her and then her realising what she is in danger of losing and take over the heavy work.

Whatever you decide keep us posted.

Thanks for the info on alimony, I had no idea. Good to know it's a temporary thing. As mentioned there's no kids involved. I do have to say if I haven't already that is a big part of the appeal of park girl as she would likely be wanting kids. I think I would like that chance that I missed out on. I never thought I could have another chance. Yes, the cart is going light-years ahead of the horse here.

I've actually been trying to save it for the last 2 years and done anything and everything I can think of but nothing has worked. I've tried talking to her and convo got cut off. I've tried doing everything she said but that didn't move the needle and she just kept asking for more and more. I've been nice, I've been mad, I've been distant, I've deliberately shown signs of moving on with someone else but nothing has gotten through.

Take today for example. She's phoned me twice worried and checking up on me etc, but yet again it's after midnight and I'm in bed alone. I actually went to bed at 9:30 as I didn't see much point just sitting on the lounge with the Great Wall of Computer between us.

I'm about to take a trip away for a few days to see my dad, so maybe that might help her see what she'll be missing but I think she'll just enjoy being able to stay up even later on her computer.

Having said that, the danger to our marriage is mostly me getting fed up and leaving. I think she's got it too good now to consider leaving.

So the question is whether I can get a liveable marriage rather than just having a marriage. I can easily have a marriage, it's just not very enjoyable.

Maybe I/we will feel differently after I'm away for a bit and then away working a lot. I really want to see what will happen to weekends and evenings once I'm back working.

12:30am now and still alone. Heaven forbid I spend an hour at the park!

[gordon921]

You're right and I was thinking the longer I leave it the more assets I have to split and the less time to earn it back again. Having said that, if she gave up on the computer thing and chose me then there might still be hope to save it. However I do feel that window is closing fast.

I forgot to mention in my other post that I got the job offer (lower pay and long commute). I'm actually not dreading the time away from home though. I think it will be good for me.

Having been through a divorce 18 years ago, it was scary, but with the house it's 50/50 of the equity, I was able to remortgage and buy her out, still paying that off. But I'm sure there are lots of other questions which only a solicitor/lawyer can answer, like alimony - roughly and for how long, pension etc. She will have to go out and work, full time, the courts will not make you pay so she can sit at home the whole time for years to come.

So you have to make up your mind, do you try and save your marriage and if that does not work, walk away with the knowledge you at least tried bloody hard or just walk away. Either way the result possibly would be the same.

Personally from what you've been saying here I think you should try and save it and that means initially doing the work to get through to her and then her realising what she is in danger of losing and take over the heavy work.

Whatever you decide keep us posted.

Thanks for the info on alimony, I had no idea. Good to know it's a temporary thing. As mentioned there's no kids involved. I do have to say if I haven't already that is a big part of the appeal of park girl as she would likely be wanting kids. I think I would like that chance that I missed out on. I never thought I could have another chance. Yes, the cart is going light-years ahead of the horse here.

I've actually been trying to save it for the last 2 years and done anything and everything I can think of but nothing has worked. I've tried talking to her and convo got cut off. I've tried doing everything she said but that didn't move the needle and she just kept asking for more and more. I've been nice, I've been mad, I've been distant, I've deliberately shown signs of moving on with someone else but nothing has gotten through.

Take today for example. She's phoned me twice worried and checking up on me etc, but yet again it's after midnight and I'm in bed alone. I actually went to bed at 9:30 as I didn't see much point just sitting on the lounge with the Great Wall of Computer between us.

I'm about to take a trip away for a few days to see my dad, so maybe that might help her see what she'll be missing but I think she'll just enjoy being able to stay up even later on her computer.

Having said that, the danger to our marriage is mostly me getting fed up and leaving. I think she's got it too good now to consider leaving.

So the question is whether I can get a liveable marriage rather than just having a marriage. I can easily have a marriage, it's just not very enjoyable.

Maybe I/we will feel differently after I'm away for a bit and then away working a lot. I really want to see what will happen to weekends and evenings once I'm back working.

12:30am now and still alone. Heaven forbid I spend an hour at the park!

Talk to your MIL and see what she says.
Sorry, wrong of me to say you had not been trying, you clearly have, it just flowed with my train of thought.
Have you thought of sending her an email or writing it out on how you feel, if she shuts you down each time or I sometimes find shouting "Will you shut the fuck up and listen" works. Maybe moving into another room might get her to ask why and then you can explain.
Bit of a ramble sorry

[Whosbeensleeping]

Hey friend, resentment just builds on itself and leads to more unhappiness. I know you say you've spoken with her and gotten shut down, but you can only get shut down if you let yourself get shut down. It's time for the ice to be broken and a spade called a spade. The Emperor has no clothes. I could go on with the metaphors, but you get the idea.
I think we humans have an unlimited capacity to dance around issues, but that gets us nowhere. I know I do.
But there are some things for which there is no substitute, and directness is one of them.
I believe your assessment of the legal situation is accurate. It's grim at best, though may become necessary.
Whether or not you go down that road, your life will be infinitely better if you have the dreaded actual conversation with her first. Especially if you are able to maintain your cool and discuss things with some degree of level-headedness.
Authenticity is everything.
Any shred of pretense that remains in your relationship will be used against you later if things get to that point. So you really have nothing to lose by laying out everything in the open.
Maybe she feels you are/were unavailable? Who knows. There's always another side to the story. Another benefit of real dialogue will be to hear her side, even if you don't agree with it, or know that it's a rationalization.
Once again, good luck.

[Whosbeensleeping]

You're right and I was thinking the longer I leave it the more assets I have to split and the less time to earn it back again. Having said that, if she gave up on the computer thing and chose me then there might still be hope to save it. However I do feel that window is closing fast.

I forgot to mention in my other post that I got the job offer (lower pay and long commute). I'm actually not dreading the time away from home though. I think it will be good for me.

Having been through a divorce 18 years ago, it was scary, but with the house it's 50/50 of the equity, I was able to remortgage and buy her out, still paying that off. But I'm sure there are lots of other questions which only a solicitor/lawyer can answer, like alimony - roughly and for how long, pension etc. She will have to go out and work, full time, the courts will not make you pay so she can sit at home the whole time for years to come.

So you have to make up your mind, do you try and save your marriage and if that does not work, walk away with the knowledge you at least tried bloody hard or just walk away. Either way the result possibly would be the same.

Personally from what you've been saying here I think you should try and save it and that means initially doing the work to get through to her and then her realising what she is in danger of losing and take over the heavy work.

Whatever you decide keep us posted.

Thanks for the info on alimony, I had no idea. Good to know it's a temporary thing. As mentioned there's no kids involved. I do have to say if I haven't already that is a big part of the appeal of park girl as she would likely be wanting kids. I think I would like that chance that I missed out on. I never thought I could have another chance. Yes, the cart is going light-years ahead of the horse here.

I've actually been trying to save it for the last 2 years and done anything and everything I can think of but nothing has worked. I've tried talking to her and convo got cut off. I've tried doing everything she said but that didn't move the needle and she just kept asking for more and more. I've been nice, I've been mad, I've been distant, I've deliberately shown signs of moving on with someone else but nothing has gotten through.

Take today for example. She's phoned me twice worried and checking up on me etc, but yet again it's after midnight and I'm in bed alone. I actually went to bed at 9:30 as I didn't see much point just sitting on the lounge with the Great Wall of Computer between us.

I'm about to take a trip away for a few days to see my dad, so maybe that might help her see what she'll be missing but I think she'll just enjoy being able to stay up even later on her computer.

Having said that, the danger to our marriage is mostly me getting fed up and leaving. I think she's got it too good now to consider leaving.

So the question is whether I can get a liveable marriage rather than just having a marriage. I can easily have a marriage, it's just not very enjoyable.

Maybe I/we will feel differently after I'm away for a bit and then away working a lot. I really want to see what will happen to weekends and evenings once I'm back working.

12:30am now and still alone. Heaven forbid I spend an hour at the park!

Talk to your MIL and see what she says.
Sorry, wrong of me to say you had not been trying, you clearly have, it just flowed with my train of thought.
Have you thought of sending her an email or writing it out on how you feel, if she shuts you down each time or I sometimes find shouting "Will you shut the fuck up and listen" works. Maybe moving into another room might get her to ask why and then you can explain.
Bit of a ramble sorry

I second the idea of writing your thoughts down in a note of some sort, if face-to-face is not working.

[afagehi7]

Talk to your MIL and see what she says.
Sorry, wrong of me to say you had not been trying, you clearly have, it just flowed with my train of thought.
Have you thought of sending her an email or writing it out on how you feel, if she shuts you down each time or I sometimes find shouting "Will you shut the fuck up and listen" works. Maybe moving into another room might get her to ask why and then you can explain.
Bit of a ramble sorry

I second the idea of writing your thoughts down in a note of some sort, if face-to-face is not working.

Don't discuss anything until you see a lawyer. Yes, you can give her the ultimatum but get yourself in a position to be able to walk out, kick her out, etc and have paperwork ready to serve or at least in process.

She's going to use the time you're away to chat with her online crush, same when you go back to work.

Fuck her, let her online crush pay her bills to sit around all day and play computer... You are financing her emotional affair.

Lawyer, then ultimatum, then serve her divorce papers when she doesn't follow through. Maybe getting slapped with the paperwork and realizing she's going to have to get a job will snap her to reality... Those papers make it real