wife interested in other guy

[Bi+Gigh]

Sounds like you and your wife are in a good place, and you both agree to prioritize your marriage above all. In that context, I think some denial play & submission to the boyfriend sounds fun. I'd do it myself.

I do suggest that if you and G are having a great moment alone sometime and want to have sex, just do it. You're married, after all. Conor doesn't have to know. He'll get to think she's exclusive to him. And you and G can enjoy a "sneaky" fuck.

When G wanted to have sex on saturday, and I said I was afraid Conor would find out, here's a direct quote from her. "Fuck him, we're the married ones." So, I am fully expecting to be keep the marital intimacy going. I think it might even be kinkier thinking we're sneaking around.

[Brute]

Sounds like you and your wife are in a good place, and you both agree to prioritize your marriage above all. In that context, I think some denial play & submission to the boyfriend sounds fun. I'd do it myself.

I do suggest that if you and G are having a great moment alone sometime and want to have sex, just do it. You're married, after all. Conor doesn't have to know. He'll get to think she's exclusive to him. And you and G can enjoy a "sneaky" fuck.

When G wanted to have sex on saturday, and I said I was afraid Conor would find out, here's a direct quote from her. "Fuck him, we're the married ones." So, I am fully expecting to be keep the marital intimacy going. I think it might even be kinkier thinking we're sneaking around.

Now that is good place.

[Christinebitg]

Sounds like you and your wife are in a good place, and you both agree to prioritize your marriage above all. In that context, I think some denial play & submission to the boyfriend sounds fun. I'd do it myself.

I do suggest that if you and G are having a great moment alone sometime and want to have sex, just do it. You're married, after all. Conor doesn't have to know. He'll get to think she's exclusive to him. And you and G can enjoy a "sneaky" fuck.

When G wanted to have sex on saturday, and I said I was afraid Conor would find out, here's a direct quote from her. "Fuck him, we're the married ones." So, I am fully expecting to be keep the marital intimacy going. I think it might even be kinkier thinking we're sneaking around.

I've known that to work out well for some couples.

The thing to be careful of is if she confesses it to Conor in a moment of guilt. That could be fun too (I've heard of that happening) but it could also turn into getting him more determined to come between the two of you. (No pun intended in this case.)

As long as she has a positive attitude about it, I'm sure it will continue to be good fun.

[gordon921]

Hi Bi,
you certainly dropped a cluster bomb...
"Fuck him, we're the married ones."
Thant changes mine and i think others perception of your situation and quite frankly would of change my responses.
I feel a little played.
Wish you the best going forward.

[Bi+Gigh]

Hi Bi,
you certainly dropped a cluster bomb...
"Fuck him, we're the married ones."
Thant changes mine and i think others perception of your situation and quite frankly would of change my responses.
I feel a little played.
Wish you the best going forward.

Gordon,
My wife made that statement after a number of long walks on the beach where I was expressing my concerns about where we were headed. It was definitely a reassuring statement for me at the time. And I don't believe she's looking to end a marriage. But they have had sex 5 times since she made that statement. I wanted to last night but she said she was too sore. I'm not sure you should be the one feeling like he's being played.

[FNQLivin]

Hi Bi,
you certainly dropped a cluster bomb...
"Fuck him, we're the married ones."
Thant changes mine and i think others perception of your situation and quite frankly would of change my responses.
I feel a little played.
Wish you the best going forward.

Gordon,
My wife made that statement after a number of long walks on the beach where I was expressing my concerns about where we were headed. It was definitely a reassuring statement for me at the time. And I don't believe she's looking to end a marriage. But they have had sex 5 times since she made that statement. I wanted to last night but she said she was too sore. I'm not sure you should be the one feeling like he's being played.

Do you feel like you are?

[Bi+Gigh]

We got back from the beach about noon on Sunday and Conor showed up shortly after. I was on a high from spending time with G at the beach and having great conversations. And I was on a high thinking Conor could show some dominance and G understood why I wanted that and would go with it. And since then, I feel like a third wheel again. He stayed over Sunday night (me in the guest room). And then yesterday, G and I were going to a family (mine) pool party but Conor fucked her again before we left. She wouldn't wear a bathing suit because she was afraid she would leak.
So I'm not sure wtf is going on at this point.

[FNQLivin]

So I'm not sure wtf is going on at this point.

I think we know. The question is, do you, and what do you want to do about it?

He is bad news.

All the warning signs are there. He is going to poison your relationship and either directly or indirectly take your wife from you. It's a game for someone like him. And who knows, he might love her and genuinely want to be with her. All we do know for sure is that you're getting the rough end of the stick.

[Christinebitg]

It's a game for someone like him. And who knows, he might love her and genuinely want to be with her.

My opinion is that someone like Conor is incapable of feeling love.

I'm not sure you should be the one feeling like he's being played.

I would not be a bit surprised if your wife is feeling like she's at the mercy of her body's physical desires.

I suspect that she's being honest with you when she talks with you. But that her own better judgement goes out the window when she's with Conor, both beforehand when she desperately wants him to fuck her, and afterward when she's feeling the afterglow from coming when he has fucked her.

I think he's a master manipulator and can't be trusted, either in what he says now, or in his assurances that he doesn't want to break up your marriage. I don't think he gives a fuck about your marriage.

[Chrislydi]

The best advice is summed up by :Don't trust Conor'. Christine again hit the nail on the head about how manipulative he is likely to be. If your wife is having 12/10 sex so frequently, having him inseminate her every time with his semen and so enjoying being submissive to him, this is bound to affect the whole dynamic, how could it not?

She admitted we have to watch this or this could be a runaway train, or words to that effect - well that old steam train is whistling warnings loud and clear right now.

[Marinecuckplease]

You need to step in. You dont have any nre. You can still think clear. Honestly i would plan a real vacation in the near future. Just you two and suprise her. But you need to make it something she cant refuse. Make it romantic and fun. Do all the plans. Ask her boss for time to take her away as a suprise to eliminate that excuse. She will not want to leave conner. You need to make her. You could also get her another person to fuck her besides conner to split these feelings up. You have no rules. find someone who will seduce her but you need to be 100% honest with that person. You could make this part of your vacation or normal life. Make her realize he is not everything. You need to make deep connections with her. Maybe make a rule only one sleepover a week or no more than a certain number of days to fuck. Tell her your feelings because it seems right now she is still listening. Tell her you wont stop her but how uneasy you are. Tell her you feel like YOU are loosing something even if she wont leave you. You need to make her know she is loosing a connection with you by spending so much time with him if thats the way you feel. Tell HER you feel like a third wheel not us.

[gordon921]

Hi Bi,
you certainly dropped a cluster bomb...
"Fuck him, we're the married ones."
Thant changes mine and i think others perception of your situation and quite frankly would of change my responses.
I feel a little played.
Wish you the best going forward.

Gordon,
My wife made that statement after a number of long walks on the beach where I was expressing my concerns about where we were headed. It was definitely a reassuring statement for me at the time. And I don't believe she's looking to end a marriage. But they have had sex 5 times since she made that statement. I wanted to last night but she said she was too sore. I'm not sure you should be the one feeling like he's being played.

Hi Bi, subsequent post have clarified the timeline which I had got the wrong way round, please accept my apologies.

Conor remains a danger, spose you need to get G by herself and have another heart to heart with her. Best of luck.

[mundyman]

Ok people, strap in. This could get long.
First, though, thanks to everyone for caring enough to offer your advice and insights. I appreciate it. And please don’t stop.
So first of all, Conor came to our place early this afternoon. There didn’t seem to be any real urgency to get the conversation started and we ended up going out to lunch first. Not what I had planned but, as usual, it’s what Conor wanted.
When we finally got back and I asked if we could talk, we got started. My first statement/question to Conor was that I needed to know if his plans were to get G for himself. I told him I needed nothing but honesty if we had any chance of getting through this. He honestly looked at me as if I was an alien.
He said G knew some of what he was about to explain but not everything. He is not from this city but coming out of school he had the opportunity to work at the company he’s now with (with G and a great company) but they only had an opening here. He accepted the job on the condition that at the first opportunity they would move him back to his home city to work there with them. He went on to explain that he has twin brothers who just turned 21. One has a serious health issue that will require constant family support to the point that Conor will eventually be responsible for him (parents are older). The other has the same issue but not as serious and they think he could live independently. Bottom line, he needs to work in his hometown.
He then said when things were just warming up with G he thought he had no shot with her other than some masturbatory fantasies. They started talking, G said she’s in an open marriage, and neither one of us believed in monogamy and that I would be supportive of sexual activity outside the marriage. He said he wasn’t looking for a long term committed relationship knowing he wouldn’t be here for hopefully very long, G was “fucking gorgeous,” how could he turn down this chance?
Finally, he looked at G and said hope this doesn’t upset you, but if I’m getting into a long term committed relationship, it has to be with someone who believes in monogamy. “As we all know, I’m not good with sharing my woman.” G had no issue with that.
He said he had no intention of breaking up a marriage. He offered to leave and not come back if I thought he was that much of a threat or that was his intention. He said he knew he could be a dominant asshole, “been that way my whole life,” but respected me enough that he would never try to steal my wife. I admitted that, as a bi submissive guy, I’m ok with him being kinda dominant. He just smiled and said “alright.” I asked what he wanted to see happen in our arrangement.
He wants to cut me off from penetrative sex. G and I had talked about that and in all honesty, I’m comfortable with it. Since Conor started fucking G, my performance has gotten worse. It’s actually a relief that I don’t have to perform.
He doesn’t want me near her pussy, including oral. I said that both G and I enjoy that so we couldn’t agree to that. He didn’t like that answer, at all. He didn’t want G giving me blow jobs. I wasn’t getting many of those anymore anyway so that was fine. Any other kind of sexual intimacy was fair game.
I said I wanted to be allowed to watch occasionally, maybe participate a little (clean up, cream pies, all the stuff I’ve learned reading the stories on here). He said a few times he’s not gay, blah, blah, lol but agreed in the end. I also said I wanted an occasional opportunity to give him a bj with G watching. He asked me how good the bj’s are, and G said there’s no time like the present to find out and he needed to pay up on the challenge. To save this mostly straight forum from the details of me going down on him, one reaction was “holy fuck, does G have to be here every time.” He said it was the best bj he’s ever had and admitted that a college lacrosse teammate gave him a few bj’s “but not like that.” As an aside, I do give good ones.
Watching me give him a bj got G pretty hot and they were getting into so I got up to leave. He told me I could stay buy I wasn’t ready for that. So they’re going at it right now. I guess he got most of what he wanted except for me still eating her pussy. I don’t think this will be the last time we talk about that.
If anything else develops, I’ll let you know.

If you read this post again, I don’t see much of a problem with Conor’s behavior.
Conor is being Conor. He even told you he could be a dominant asshole. You told him you’re a bi-submissive guy. That seems like an invitation to me for Conor to flex his dominant side on you.
Until you or G tell him to reign in the attitude and behavior I doubt he will do it on his own.
Rather I think your problem is G. You two need to continue to discuss honestly your feelings. If have a need to reclaim her, or @ need to have sex with her, THEN YOU HAVE TO TELL HER.
Occasionally you need to debrief with each other and get a sense of where each of you are with the present arrangement with Conor.
Relationships that open themselves up to other people will encounter bumps in the road. Read the threads in this forum and there are few stories that don’t involve a few problems of some sort. Some of them are relatively minor and easily fixed, and others threaten the very existence of the relationship.
In all cases the remedy to fix these problems is COMMUNICATION!!!
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Good luck to you and G . You sound like you do communicate, please continue and if needed do it more often.
Don’t be afraid to put Conor in his place if his dominance begins to threaten your relationship.
Please keep us up to date on how things are going.

[Bi+Gigh]

So on Monday, I was feeling kind of high about letting Conor dominate me more. I wasn’t sure what that even meant or how it would play out but it felt kinda erotic to me. So he was sitting on our sofa (naked of course as he usually is in our place anymore) and I sat down next to him making small talk. I then told him if he didn’t want me going down on G anymore just to tell me. I had an almost full-on erection. He said he didn’t want me going down on her anymore so I said okay. I also starting playing with his dick and told him he was huge, completely playing into his ego. He actually let me play with it for a bit until he started to chub up and he pushed my hand away. So basically, I handed over the keys to the castle to him by these two actions.
Later that night he had left and I wanted to have sex with G. That’s when she said she was too sore so I just ended up jerking off laying next to her. So I wanted to talk to G last night about how I was feeling and said I thought we agreed we could have sex. She said the agreement we have with Conor is no penetrative sex and that’s what I wanted the night before. Which I did. She said there is no on and off switch to the agreement, that if I wanted something different to talk to Conor.
G repeated the fact that I wanted to be submissive to him, that I basically volunteered to give up oral for him and I started to play with his “huge” dick the day before (Conor obviously told her that cause I didn’t). She said that clearly I was into it, she found it to be hot af and let’s not change anything and see where it goes for a while. She likes seeing me defer to him and be submissive.
I thought I was going to have a little more control than I do. But G thinks this could be a really fun time for both of us since we’re both getting what we want. And I guess that’s true. She still believes it won’t last but we’ll know if we have to change anything that threatens either one of us. So that’s where it stands today.

[Chrislydi]

If you both enjoy this situation then there seems little point in not going with it. You enjoy being submissive and I think know that Conor will be all too amenable to gradually increase his dominance over both of you.

You must think what that means for your relationship with G. If G is getting all her sexual satisfaction with Conor, and it's of such a magnitude that it sends her into absolute ecstacy every time, while your physical contact with her gets closer to zero the longer he's domming both of you. Then your sexual satisfaction comes entirely from denial and some limited biplsy with his dick.

You being submissive, it will turn both of you on, but it might also affect her opinions of how she views both of your future roles too. That's fine if that's how you see your future with virtually no sexual contact with your wife while Conor stays. She says we will see where it goes and we will see. He needs watching like a hawk and G needs to realise this too. She's used the runaway train analogy (if we don't watch him) very recently, before Conor's meeting with both of you, now she's more under his influence she needs to be reminded of her very own words.

Don't let this be a train crash waiting to happen .


Chris

[Marinecuckplease]

By the way she will change more. She already has. Over the weekend it was "fuck him we can have sex". A few days later it is "we have an agreement with conner". That is just what we see. there are probably more subtle things we dont know or you havent picked up on. All females seem to change once in this lifestyle. The only way to regulate how far you both want to go is communication. Both partners knowing when a situation is bad and walking away from it. Both parntners willing to listen to the others doubt in a situation and being able to trust in that partners decision. It is a give and take game. Both sides must compromise. You are clearly feeling the heat and not liking it. The question is, are you as a couple going to back away from the fire or are you going to brave the heat and HOPE you dont get burned

[Marinecuckplease]

I think you need to tell her you feel threatened. When your on a high you will do anything to play with conner,just like her. When its just you 2 she still has a high and it sounds like your hitting lows. She is living this kink 24 hrs and it seems you only like the kink when your involved. You need to really explain to g that you thought you could still have sex. You need to tell her your not 100% comfortable the way its playing out. She right it cant be on and off all the time. But you need to tell her you feel that your relationship is more off than on and it hurts. You need to make demands. In front of her to Conner since shes now defaulting to conner on her sexual behalf. If you cant play with him and fully satisfy your desire its not as fun as you thought it was. If you cant swallow his cum why can g. Make it about you some too. He could get pissed and say something that alienates g or you. Hes not used to being challanged so his reaction will be to put you in his place. Make him give back something you gave him. Make it non negotiable. And i would tell him there are now time limits to his denials as you need to reconnect with your wife physically. I really think your playing with fire here. You are running out of time to change this course. The longer this goes on the farther away g is going to be. Even if they dont last. what ever he puts in her head about you will still be around in your relationship, potentially forever.

[Chrislydi]

I think it's a difficult balance to strike, as part of the enjoyment of denial and submission is the loss of control and the transfer of power to a physically better alpha. That's the part you want to recognise him for what he is and the enjoyment he can give to g. With that comes risk, that lack of control even dare I say it, that runaway train - it's all part of the enjoyable experience, the complete submission to a 'better' man. You could even go a step further, as some submissives might also include a risk factor, the slight, or maybe a bit more than just slight, possibility you could actually lose her to him, it all adds to the excitement, taking it to even greater heights and stimulating greater levels of arousal, well I think you'll get that in spades with Conor.

Now it might be hitting untrue stereotypes but aren't all lacrosse players notoriously bad boys? Of course that's not to be taken literally as it was tongue in cheek flippancy, but the problem really is Conor. It's he who comes across in what's written down here as unreliable and unknown, the weakest link.

G has justified this adventure before by referring you back to your previous joint experiences with your bi-friend at college, the one you knew, the one you could trust, the one where your trust was well founded and rewarded. Your friend and Conor, match and compare and see where this all falls down. G should be reminded comparisons are best when it's like with like, Conor can't in truth be given that same respect you could give to your friend.

Conor even admitted himself he could be a dominant asshole, and often in these self deprecating remarks there's more than a grain of truth, my impression is it's all too true of Conor. If you had a reliable bull you could just trust him to keep your relationship sacrosanct and undamaged, you could just sit back and thoroughly enjoy it for what it is.

The fact is you haven't, you can't and you shouldn't

Chris.

[Bi+Gigh]

A couple of things just to be clear.
G and I can still have intimacy. We can get each other off as much as we want. Just the ways to get there have been reduced.
When I gave Conor a blow job the other day he did cum in my mouth and I was able to swallow. So he’s not restricting that. I think there would be few guys who would refuse the person sucking him the right to swallow.
With my college roommate Nick, G definitely preferred sex with him over me. I’m used to that. I shouldn’t be proud to admit this but my sexual skills with guys are so much better than they are with women. As I’ve said before, she deserves to have mind blowing sex. I’m fine if she gets that with Conor (and she does). And when I’ve heard them having sex, and now having watched them have sex, I find it to be really hot but not without the angst and jealousy. But yes, she’s totally into it. When the sex ended with Nick, she was fine. I think she had the attitude that it was a great experience, but now it’s back to real life. I believe it’s possible she’ll have that attitude when it’s over with Conor. And I understand what most of you are saying. It may never ever be over with Conor.
But I will lay it all out there . . . either his looks, his attitude, his body or all three do something to me. I think as Chris has said, it’s a feeling that I am submitting to the “better man.” I’m not expecting much out of him physically. I was standing in the kitchen the other day and he came up behind and put me in a headlock. He was naked and he started to pretend to fuck me in the ass. He said he'd bet I’d like that for real. I said I actually would and he responded “never gonna happen, bro.” My dad used to say to my brothers and me starting back in high school to make sure we think with the right head. I’m not following that advice these days.
My gut tells me that I/we could be stepping into dangerous territory. I may look back and seriously regret taking it even this far. But I still have enough trust in my relationship with G that if the train gets going too fast and too far, we’ll be able to stop it.
Thanks for reading/listening.

[Long Lurker 34]

A couple of things just to be clear.
G and I can still have intimacy. We can get each other off as much as we want. Just the ways to get there have been reduced.
When I gave Conor a blow job the other day he did cum in my mouth and I was able to swallow. So he’s not restricting that. I think there would be few guys who would refuse the person sucking him the right to swallow.
With my college roommate Nick, G definitely preferred sex with him over me. I’m used to that. I shouldn’t be proud to admit this but my sexual skills with guys are so much better than they are with women. As I’ve said before, she deserves to have mind blowing sex. I’m fine if she gets that with Conor (and she does). And when I’ve heard them having sex, and now having watched them have sex, I find it to be really hot but not without the angst and jealousy. But yes, she’s totally into it. When the sex ended with Nick, she was fine. I think she had the attitude that it was a great experience, but now it’s back to real life. I believe it’s possible she’ll have that attitude when it’s over with Conor. And I understand what most of you are saying. It may never ever be over with Conor.
But I will lay it all out there . . . either his looks, his attitude, his body or all three do something to me. I think as Chris has said, it’s a feeling that I am submitting to the “better man.” I’m not expecting much out of him physically. I was standing in the kitchen the other day and he came up behind and put me in a headlock. He was naked and he started to pretend to fuck me in the ass. He said he'd bet I’d like that for real. I said I actually would and he responded “never gonna happen, bro.” My dad used to say to my brothers and me starting back in high school to make sure we think with the right head. I’m not following that advice these days.
My gut tells me that I/we could be stepping into dangerous territory. I may look back and seriously regret taking it even this far. But I still have enough trust in my relationship with G that if the train gets going too fast and too far, we’ll be able to stop it.
Thanks for reading/listening.

B&G - You mention your skills are better with men than women. Being Bi doesn't necessarily mean that either your desires, skills or experiences are 50/50. Do you think this might factor in to your situation?

[Bi+Gigh]

A couple of things just to be clear.
G and I can still have intimacy. We can get each other off as much as we want. Just the ways to get there have been reduced.
When I gave Conor a blow job the other day he did cum in my mouth and I was able to swallow. So he’s not restricting that. I think there would be few guys who would refuse the person sucking him the right to swallow.
With my college roommate Nick, G definitely preferred sex with him over me. I’m used to that. I shouldn’t be proud to admit this but my sexual skills with guys are so much better than they are with women. As I’ve said before, she deserves to have mind blowing sex. I’m fine if she gets that with Conor (and she does). And when I’ve heard them having sex, and now having watched them have sex, I find it to be really hot but not without the angst and jealousy. But yes, she’s totally into it. When the sex ended with Nick, she was fine. I think she had the attitude that it was a great experience, but now it’s back to real life. I believe it’s possible she’ll have that attitude when it’s over with Conor. And I understand what most of you are saying. It may never ever be over with Conor.
But I will lay it all out there . . . either his looks, his attitude, his body or all three do something to me. I think as Chris has said, it’s a feeling that I am submitting to the “better man.” I’m not expecting much out of him physically. I was standing in the kitchen the other day and he came up behind and put me in a headlock. He was naked and he started to pretend to fuck me in the ass. He said he'd bet I’d like that for real. I said I actually would and he responded “never gonna happen, bro.” My dad used to say to my brothers and me starting back in high school to make sure we think with the right head. I’m not following that advice these days.
My gut tells me that I/we could be stepping into dangerous territory. I may look back and seriously regret taking it even this far. But I still have enough trust in my relationship with G that if the train gets going too fast and too far, we’ll be able to stop it.
Thanks for reading/listening.

B&G - You mention your skills are better with men than women. Being Bi doesn't necessarily mean that either your desires, skills or experiences are 50/50. Do you think this might factor in to your situation?

When G came into my life in high school I had a boyfriend. But we looked at each other and there was this amazing instant connection. My bf was none too happy when I said wanted to pursue things with G. We've never stopped connecting since then. My point is it's possible I wouldn't have married a woman if not for G. But I'll never know that. Does that answer your question?

[Chrislydi]

My point wasn't that you have no intimacy now with G but it's likely Conor will be all too amenable to keep pushing the boundaries on what you have now. I think I used the phrase as the affair goes on and his dominance over both increase so will your intimacy with G get closer to zero. That's not where we're at now but it seems clear from his desires in your discussion it's where he wants to go.

Already you've given him the concession of no oral as well as no piv, now the no oral was readily accepted and reported back to g.

I accept a very obvious limitation on only going on what's written here, and that can give a false picture with too much credence given to certain conversations or minor points. There's no way of detecting tone, facial expressions and sometimes context. Everything in these posts has to be read with that in mind. It's impossible that we have the full picture.

[Bi+Gigh]

My point wasn't that you have no intimacy now with G but it's likely Conor will be all too amenable to keep pushing the boundaries on what you have now. I think I used the phrase as the affair goes on and his dominance over both increase so will your intimacy with G get closer to zero. That's not where we're at now but it seems clear from his desires in your discussion it's where he wants to go.

Already you've given him the concession of no oral as well as no piv, now the no oral was readily accepted and reported back to g.

I accept a very obvious limitation on only going on what's written here, and that can give a false picture with too much credence given to certain conversations or minor points. There's no way of detecting tone, facial expressions and sometimes context. Everything in these posts has to be read with that in mind. It's impossible that we have the full picture.

Chris,
First, please know I appreciate your insights and honesty. That last post wasn't directed to you but I just wanted people to understand G and I still go to bed naked (except for when Conor is there), still caress each other, still make out and still bring each other to orgAsm. I still make dinner every night, we still sit and talk over wine, it would look like a normal marriage from the outside. Except again when Conor is around.
I agree with you that Conor may be already thinking about how to up his dominance game. I believe especially with me. I can already detect a change in him towards me. I'm not sure he'll up it with G except for maybe wanting more time with her. And maybe adding a little more kink. Just not sure about that. But the good news is I have a low threshold for how
dominate he can be. I still have a pretty healthy ego.

[Chrislydi]

Tbh Bi+Gigh you come across as highly intelligent and thoughtful so I'd be very surprised if anything written here hasn't already crossed your mind. I would expect you, knowing the full picture and how your everyday interactions are, to be far more aware of signs of it going slightly astray and would expect you both to take the necessary steps to get back on track.

As long as you keep using your all too obvious innate sense and keep thinking and communicating clearly, it would only be a fool who would predict a train crash, it's just that dangerous area where arousal turns to lust and then the unstoppable desires overrule your brain that is the concern.

I suppose it's impossible to have a full read on Conor's character but if you and G fall completely under his spell then even your intelligence might be hard pushed to stop that potential train crash

[gordon921]

Hi Bi,

"My gut tells me that I/we could be stepping into dangerous territory." I think all of us are saying you are.

Are you and G heading for a train crash, with what you have written I think you are and it's picking up speed.

Monogamy is a relationship with only one partner at a time, rather than multiple partners. A monogamous relationship can be sexual or emotional, but it's usually both. That is what Conor wants, he stated it, so he will carry on pushing the boundaries as far as he can, to the extent you and G have no intimacy/sexual relationship at all, is that a red line?

You have said the two of you have spoken about things you as a couple can accept or not, you've not divulged what they are, which leaves us with a little unknown knowledge, but I suspect the longer this goes on the more those red lines will be pushed back by G.

Question, if you are giving Conor a blow job and he asks can G live with him while he is in the same city!! Which head will answer, is that a red line, cause I can see him going in that route to cut you off from G 100%. Not sure what G's reaction would be, only you know that, but you need to think about that. Would G say well it's only for x months then it's over, but would it be, would he ask her to follow him back home or would she say Conor that's a step too far, you're out.

Think you and G need to have a break, long weekend and really need a heart to heart talk, do you think G has the ability to come to the conclusion that this is damaging your marriage and show Conor the door, my gut feeling is No she would not, she would try and convince you that you are enjoying it and she is and it will end at some stage.

The diff with you and others on this forum is the wife is serviced by a stub/bull and he has no intention of breaking up the marriage, Conor is not a stub/bull, he will push to try and break your marriage.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but don't think so, you need to get through to G and end this now.

All the best.