A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

Almost zero sleep again last night. I can't remember when I last got a good night's sleep.

When I mentioned about seeing her computer use as a final indication of where she's at when I get home. My thinking is that if she's truly missing me and wants to stay with me etc then she should be so upset and disgusted and feeling guilty by what she's done that she wouldn't even want to look at her computer again. If she's not feeling that way and still using it then I think it would tell me all I need to know.

[Whosbeensleeping]

With everything you're going through, you're in a very tough place. Be good to yourself.

[newaussiecuck]

With everything you're going through, you're in a very tough place. Be good to yourself.

Thank you!

I said goodbye for now to my Dad this morning as I make the long 8 hour drive home. I'm just over half way home now. Being able to hold him, tell him how much I love him and missed him meant the world to me considering that I had recently thought I had lost that chance for good. Yes, there were many tears. I will see him again soon, maybe 3 or 6 weeks.

The guy from the park messaged me about an hour ago to let me know that he saw park girl and he told her that I've been looking for her and he gave her my mobile number!

So now it's a waiting game to see what happens there. She hasn't messaged me yet. Ideally I would like to see her before reaching home today but that might not happen. I fear my wife will come with me to the park tomorrow and park girl will show up before I've had a chance to speak to her. That would be the WORST!

I guess that is as clear an indication that she can get of my interest (right up there with her telling me that I could have her dog). I guess we will see soon whether her feelings have changed or not. At least she must now know my feelings. Giving her my mobile number as a married man is HUGE!

My wife has given every indication over the last 2 years that she doesn't really want me, but now is trying to pull me back again. I really don't know what will happen there but I feel that after all this I owe it to myself to at least get to know park girl (if she wants) and see if there is anything there. Otherwise I will at least know that door is closed.

[newaussiecuck]

Back home but not a lot to update on. I've been trying to get some rest and come down from all the high emotions of the last few weeks.

Radio silence from park girl so no idea what happened there, unless there's some weird dating rule I'm not aware of where you have to wait 3 or 5 days before your
allowed to text someone. Who knows, I haven't dated or thought of dating someone else since around the time she would have been born lol. Maybe just busy with studies and work like she said, maybe she was just looking during her study break and I was too slow to nail something down. I still think it's weird with all the stuff with bringing her sister and likely the family friend's appearance on those 2 days and nothing before or since was also a bit of a setup. Strange to just disappear after all that. A real mystery.

I spoke to the guy last night who passed on my number to her. He actually didn't see her at the park. He randomly bumped into her at a supermarket of all places. That's when he passed on my number and said I've been looking for her. He asked if she had texted me and was surprised she hadn't.

In terms of my wife. Hmmmmm some changes but not enough. She's been to bed very early last 2 nights which is a start. Still on computer during the day and seems to be making an effort to make it look like she isn't speaking to someone else. It kind of looks like she's just playing her game on her computer but I've been here before too. Whenever I've given her a hard time or been upset etc about it all she'll put more effort in to hide it, but it never ever ends. Once the heat dies down again it's back to usual business.

Wife can tell I'm very upset and melancholy but again is coming up with every reason under the sun for it except for the one real reason. She started saying that she can't wait for summer so that we can do some things this year. I told her there wasn't anything stopping us the last two years she just wouldn't. So she started making up all kinds of excuses as to why we didn't do anything last two years. One reason was because of covid being around. I told her that end of 2020 there was zero covid, totally eliminated and zero restrictions and she still wouldn't go out. We have waaaaaaaaaay more now and apparently she's decided we can do things again. She'll never admit to the real reason being her online cheating emotional affair thing that's robbed us of two years and destroyed our marriage.

We're going out for a few hours on Saturday, which is good but it still sucks that she has to schedule things 3 days in advance rather than just say "oh the weather is nice today, let's go do something", you know like what normal people do. That's how I know this online affair is still going on, she has zero freedom to just pick up and do something when the weather is good.

Apart from all that, I'm getting ready to start my new job on Monday. I can't remember if I mentioned getting the job or not. Was too many other things going on.

I had another dream last night about being with another girl. This time it wasn't park girl but some unknown young girl that I apparently met at my new workplace. So if my dreams are any indication I guess I've moved on. Another indication was when I came home and saw her computer still setup there and on. I felt no emotion, zero. No disappointment or hurt etc. I just felt nothing.

[newaussiecuck]

I spoke too soon. 12:30am and I'm in bed alone, since I went to bed at 11pm. I guess she could only manage 2 nights of coming to bed with me.

If it comes to 1am I might be locking the bedroom door!

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

you've got the low down from the lawyer, you know the score, you think she checked out 2 years ago, you're not happy, wtf.....

sorry 2x4 coming,

make a frigging decision and follow it through.

If you don't and nothing changes how much more bitter are you going to be in 5/10 years and you've lost 5/10 years to recover from a divorce. It's hard, it's shit, but do it for yourself.

Remember if you serve her with divorce papers and she really steps up, you can pause (or stop) the process. Some have even been known to remarry after a divorce...

Have you really forced your view point on her, I suspect not, in fact I doubt it, you tolerate her on "the computer" and yet complain on here, you don't challenge her, for some reason you cannot "throw your toys out the cot" at her, you may drop hints etc, but really in your situation you need to be assertive and blunt.

What hold does she have over you that you cannot confront and confront hard? Or are you waiting for her to make the decision and serve so you don't have to.

It's confusing.. give it some thought.

Regards
Gordon

[newaussiecuck]

Hi newaussiecuck,

you've got the low down from the lawyer, you know the score, you think she checked out 2 years ago, you're not happy, wtf.....

sorry 2x4 coming,

make a frigging decision and follow it through.

If you don't and nothing changes how much more bitter are you going to be in 5/10 years and you've lost 5/10 years to recover from a divorce. It's hard, it's shit, but do it for yourself.

Remember if you serve her with divorce papers and she really steps up, you can pause (or stop) the process. Some have even been known to remarry after a divorce...

Have you really forced your view point on her, I suspect not, in fact I doubt it, you tolerate her on "the computer" and yet complain on here, you don't challenge her, for some reason you cannot "throw your toys out the cot" at her, you may drop hints etc, but really in your situation you need to be assertive and blunt.

What hold does she have over you that you cannot confront and confront hard? Or are you waiting for her to make the decision and serve so you don't have to.

It's confusing.. give it some thought.

Regards
Gordon

In one sense you're totally right but it's not such an easy decision given how amazing the first 14 years were. Even with 2 years of misery I'm probably still out on top. Some of the misery was definitely from external factors and it's hard to attribute just how much was from her. She definitely added a lot to my misery but wasn't the sole cause for a lot of the time. It was very rough on everyone here and divorce rate is through the roof as a result.

I can also start to see how I've contributed to the situation by allowing her to walk all over me and she totally lost respect. If I don't rectify this fault it will just happen again in my next relationship. I learned just how bad I was in my dealings with park girl. I can see she is very submissive and expects me to take the lead which I guess I didn't so probably why she lost interest. Part of why I didn't take the lead was because I hadn't fully committed to moving on and was stuck on the fence. I've been practicing in my mind how to take more control and what I should have done in the small number of situations that I had with her. If I had taken the actions I've practiced in my mind I do think she would likely still be around. As I replay everything she did give enough cues I just didn't read them at the time and act on them.

So, I'm now taking this new mindset and trying to apply it more to my wife. Trying to be more assertive, take control more. Be far less pleasing and being able to show displeasure with her etc etc. I guess I started this change in mindset before heading away to visit my dad, and continued while away during phone calls and texts. I've continued it when I got home.

It's a muscle that I guess I'm using for the first time and right now it's still pretty weak but growing stronger the more I use it. I believe it's actually starting to pay off!
She's starting to do a lot more around the house, and I can see her starting to want to please me a bit.

Last night I remembered the lawyers advice to "keep her warm" so I didn't lock the door. She came to bed around 1:05am. I didn't say much but gave a royal case of the cold shoulder and basically called total bullshit on her excuses. She actually blamed it on drinking half a glass of coke 5 hours earlier lol. Anyway, don't ask me how I know, but I believe she stayed up late due to an almighty bust-up with her online lover. I won't celebrate too soon as I think this has happened many times before but maybe it will stick this time.

Another example of how my more assertive and take charge attitude has paid off. I fucked her really good this afternoon! I went to bed for a nap to catch up on all my lost sleep. I was laying there thinking of park girl and how I would take charge with her next time I see her etc and getting pretty worked up. My wife actually left her computer and crawled into bed with me and snuggled with me. I thought "fuck it, I'm dreaming about what I'd like to do with park girl, why not just do the exact same thing with my wife who is actually right here in bed with me right now. Forget about how we normally relate and have sex (when we rarely have it), I'll just take charge and see what happens". So I did. I fucked her like I haven't done for many years. I basically just turned around and started kissing her like crazy, climbed on top and more kissing while I slid my hand in her pants etc. I just took her and pulled her clothes off. When she started to say something I pretty much shushed her and kissed her hard so she couldn't talk and I just took her. She absolutely LOVED it and ended up screaming like I haven't heard in quite a long time! I really fucked the shit out of her, using all my anger and frustrations etc as fuel. I was gentle enough at times especially when getting started but the finish was an absolute right royal pounding and she screamed like crazy! I'm definitely doing that again!!

This is the first time we've had sex since February and only the 2nd time in 18 months! I'll be doing that again real soon!

So yeah, taking control more seems to be working and things do seem to be turning around. She also mentioned yesterday about my nephews wedding and seems she might be planning to come after all. Luckily I put us down for two even after she said she wasn't going and I haven't booked my flights yet so she can still come.


In answer to your question: "Have you really forced your view point on her, I suspect not, in fact I doubt it, you tolerate her on "the computer" and yet complain on here, you don't challenge her, for some reason you cannot "throw your toys out the cot" at her, you may drop hints etc, but really in your situation you need to be assertive and blunt."

You're right I haven't but I'm working on it. I did tell her to come to bed early tonight and she said she would. I went VERY early at 9:30 so can't expect her to match that but I'm still a bit tired and need to catch up before starting my new job on Monday.

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

you've got the low down from the lawyer, you know the score, you think she checked out 2 years ago, you're not happy, wtf.....

sorry 2x4 coming,

make a frigging decision and follow it through.

If you don't and nothing changes how much more bitter are you going to be in 5/10 years and you've lost 5/10 years to recover from a divorce. It's hard, it's shit, but do it for yourself.

Remember if you serve her with divorce papers and she really steps up, you can pause (or stop) the process. Some have even been known to remarry after a divorce...

Have you really forced your view point on her, I suspect not, in fact I doubt it, you tolerate her on "the computer" and yet complain on here, you don't challenge her, for some reason you cannot "throw your toys out the cot" at her, you may drop hints etc, but really in your situation you need to be assertive and blunt.

What hold does she have over you that you cannot confront and confront hard? Or are you waiting for her to make the decision and serve so you don't have to.

It's confusing.. give it some thought.

Regards
Gordon

In one sense you're totally right but it's not such an easy decision given how amazing the first 14 years were. Even with 2 years of misery I'm probably still out on top. Some of the misery was definitely from external factors and it's hard to attribute just how much was from her. She definitely added a lot to my misery but wasn't the sole cause for a lot of the time. It was very rough on everyone here and divorce rate is through the roof as a result.

I can also start to see how I've contributed to the situation by allowing her to walk all over me and she totally lost respect. If I don't rectify this fault it will just happen again in my next relationship. I learned just how bad I was in my dealings with park girl. I can see she is very submissive and expects me to take the lead which I guess I didn't so probably why she lost interest. Part of why I didn't take the lead was because I hadn't fully committed to moving on and was stuck on the fence. I've been practicing in my mind how to take more control and what I should have done in the small number of situations that I had with her. If I had taken the actions I've practiced in my mind I do think she would likely still be around. As I replay everything she did give enough cues I just didn't read them at the time and act on them.

So, I'm now taking this new mindset and trying to apply it more to my wife. Trying to be more assertive, take control more. Be far less pleasing and being able to show displeasure with her etc etc. I guess I started this change in mindset before heading away to visit my dad, and continued while away during phone calls and texts. I've continued it when I got home.

It's a muscle that I guess I'm using for the first time and right now it's still pretty weak but growing stronger the more I use it. I believe it's actually starting to pay off!
She's starting to do a lot more around the house, and I can see her starting to want to please me a bit.

Last night I remembered the lawyers advice to "keep her warm" so I didn't lock the door. She came to bed around 1:05am. I didn't say much but gave a royal case of the cold shoulder and basically called total bullshit on her excuses. She actually blamed it on drinking half a glass of coke 5 hours earlier lol. Anyway, don't ask me how I know, but I believe she stayed up late due to an almighty bust-up with her online lover. I won't celebrate too soon as I think this has happened many times before but maybe it will stick this time.

Another example of how my more assertive and take charge attitude has paid off. I fucked her really good this afternoon! I went to bed for a nap to catch up on all my lost sleep. I was laying there thinking of park girl and how I would take charge with her next time I see her etc and getting pretty worked up. My wife actually left her computer and crawled into bed with me and snuggled with me. I thought "fuck it, I'm dreaming about what I'd like to do with park girl, why not just do the exact same thing with my wife who is actually right here in bed with me right now. Forget about how we normally relate and have sex (when we rarely have it), I'll just take charge and see what happens". So I did. I fucked her like I haven't done for many years. I basically just turned around and started kissing her like crazy, climbed on top and more kissing while I slid my hand in her pants etc. I just took her and pulled her clothes off. When she started to say something I pretty much shushed her and kissed her hard so she couldn't talk and I just took her. She absolutely LOVED it and ended up screaming like I haven't heard in quite a long time! I really fucked the shit out of her, using all my anger and frustrations etc as fuel. I was gentle enough at times especially when getting started but the finish was an absolute right royal pounding and she screamed like crazy! I'm definitely doing that again!!

This is the first time we've had sex since February and only the 2nd time in 18 months! I'll be doing that again real soon!

So yeah, taking control more seems to be working and things do seem to be turning around. She also mentioned yesterday about my nephews wedding and seems she might be planning to come after all. Luckily I put us down for two even after she said she wasn't going and I haven't booked my flights yet so she can still come.


In answer to your question: "Have you really forced your view point on her, I suspect not, in fact I doubt it, you tolerate her on "the computer" and yet complain on here, you don't challenge her, for some reason you cannot "throw your toys out the cot" at her, you may drop hints etc, but really in your situation you need to be assertive and blunt."

You're right I haven't but I'm working on it. I did tell her to come to bed early tonight and she said she would. I went VERY early at 9:30 so can't expect her to match that but I'm still a bit tired and need to catch up before starting my new job on Monday.

Yea I get it, but at least this was a more positive post and showed you that you can lead, so hope you do, but hope you have given/ will give her another good rogering tonight. Maybe she likes you taking the lead?

[newaussiecuck]

Yea I get it, but at least this was a more positive post and showed you that you can lead, so hope you do, but hope you have given/ will give her another good rogering tonight. Maybe she likes you taking the lead?

Yes it has been a very positive change for sure but I can't get carried away still a long way to go. She did come to bed very early last night after I asked her to, 10:30pm so only an hour after me. We did snuggle a lot but no rogering. She obviously noticed I was more than ready but told me I need rest before starting work. She also asked what on earth I put in those fruit and vegetable smoothies I've started making. So she's definitely noticed!

Dissappointingly she's on the computer again today but might just be playing her game as a game rather than the relationship side of things, hard to know. On the positive side, we're going out for lunch and some shopping and then walking the dog by a local river we used to frequent. This was basically our normal weekend routine before all this covid madness hit 2.5 years ago and the ensuing madness of her online relationship. So yes, very positive signs but I also steel myself for the slide back.

When I'm home from work tomorrow I'll tell her I want her with me on my couch not over there on her computer and see how that goes. Then I'll tell her she should stop playing that game as it's not good for us.

Yes I think she did like me leading and I'll continue to try and work at it.

[newaussiecuck]

Had a good day we went out and spent some time together like old times so that was nice.

I'm not entirely convinced that the breakup will stick and wouldn't be surprised if they're back together again in a few days. We'll see. If so, then I just go back to what I already had planned. I'm hoping not and hoping we can still work through all this mess. It's certainly a lot cheaper to mend what's broken than to buy new if you know what I mean but sometimes it can't be helped I guess.

Speaking of which, I still haven't seen or heard anything from park girl, she's fallen off the face of the earth and as someone else said it's easy to imagine she's avoiding me for whatever reason. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows.

Interestingly, I seem to have met park girl 2.0. She came to the park yesterday and again today. I think I may have seen her once before that sometime back but can't be sure. I think same country as park girl at a guess, but again seems she was born here as there's zero accent. A few years older than park girl I think and I would probably guess 25. I spoke to her today a bit and she asked some similar questions to what park girl did. About how often I go there for example. When I mentioned that I was going every day but starting a new job tomorrow she was saying "oh congratulations, you can do it. I believe in you". Seemed a little bit flirty when she was saying that. I mentioned that I might try to start early and leave early and maybe still make it to the park albeit a little later and she said "oh yes, you really should try to come". So seems a bit interesting there. She works in admin for some company. She's nice, maybe not quite as cute as park girl and wears braces (I think that can be a status symbol for some girls I've heard), but she's still cute and her age definitely feels a lot more comfortable. Maybe I can call her park woman instead of park girl lol.

Either way, it's definitely helping my self esteem to have some attention like this and along with finally getting a job my confidence in myself is improving which will only help with trying to mend things with my wife. I tried not to let it, but I guess I was feeling pretty beaten down there for a while. It didn't help that she was jumping on every opportunity to beat me down further. That really wasn't nice and a good wife should be trying to lift me up not try and beat me down to make herself feel better. I'm now starting to feel pretty good about myself and that I'm having lots of options open up to me.

[gordon921]

They are small steps, but steps in the right direction, so take them. Continue to be forceful, but as you say the big test will be tomorrow when you get back from work, hope work goes well and wife gets off the computer before you get home and remains off.

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

New job day 1, the evening or .....

Regards

[newaussiecuck]

Hi newaussiecuck,

New job day 1, the evening or .....

Regards

A mixed bag. I wrote the below last night but she came to bed very early (a good thing) before I could hit send. More to come on the discussion that followed. Another sleepless night.

-----------

Thank you, yes work went OK. Not a lot to do on the first day but was more tiring trying to not look too bored. Some of my access got delayed which included the induction training stuff. No big deal, it happens. People seem nice which is the main thing. Travel in the morning sucked but I signed up for the toll road and trip home was much better. The run in the morning should also be better now. It sucks to have to pay so much for the tolls plus petrol (I think an hour of work a day will be just for the travel costs). Such is life.

I was in a pretty filthy mood when I came home! I couldn't help in thinking how I'm back to slogging through work and didn't get to enjoy the time I had off because of all the crap my wife put me through and refused to do things with me. I let her have it and told her pretty much exactly that. She wouldn't acknowledge her fault or that she did anything wrong. Saying that we'll be doing more stuff again now, like we did on the weekend. I told her "Yeah but we won't have time to do much anymore" and I broke down crying I'm sorry to say. She also said that the reason we didn't do anything was because of the lock downs and even when they lifted she didn't want us to get sick. I think that is complete bullshit. Even if it were true, she could have done lots of things with me while staying home, she just didn't want to spend time away from her online lover. I'm yet to pin her down and confront her on that point but I'm getting pretty fucking close. I also wanted to see how she would react to what I already said. She just flat out lied or omitted truths.

I went to bed early last night (the night before I started my new job) and she stayed up until after midnight, not good. Then tonight as soon as she finished dinner it was back onto her computer again. Not good. I'm also pretty sure she may have gotten back together with her online person, at least in some form.

------------

More to come when I can write it out. Still won't acknowledge her fault and even shifted blame onto me. "You should have told me you wanted to do things". I'd only been fucking begging her for even something as simple as taking the fucking dog for a walk around the block with me. That's all that I asked for one time that I clearly remember (OK it was many times) when it was a beautiful sunny day and she flat out refused with no reason given. Now she's trying to blame it on me???? WTF!

[newaussiecuck]

So she came to bed very early and wanted to cuddle but I was still pretty frosty unfortunately. I think she does want to move on and get back to how things used to be before all this madness which is great. However I don't know how to get there with so much hurt and the way she's not acknowledging at all that she's done the wrong thing by me. I just don't know how I can get past it until she does.

As mentioned she shifted blame onto me. Said "It's not my fault the world went crazy for the last 2 years. It's not my fault we couldn't do anything". I told her "But you wouldn't even do things with me when we were still at home. You wouldn't even sit on the lounge with me!" She just replied "If you want me to sit on the lounge with you I will, it's just still really cold that's all".

I didn't know what to say at this so just kept silent but I should have said something like "Ummm, why not just bring your electronic throw rug onto my lounge or snuggle with me to keep you warm etc. You wanted to stay on the other lounge just because of the computer".

She then started attacking me saying that she's "wanting to plan all these things for us to do and things to do around the house but you don't want to hear about it", which is fair but I've gotten whiplash with the sudden change of attitude and need time to adjust. It seems she's suddenly ended her online relationship and expects everything to instantly be back to how they were. It doesn't work like that. We have so much to get past if we ever can. I'm really struggling to see a future so I just don't know how I can plan one. I'm also so spent and exhausted from trying to keep everything together for 2 years and along with starting the new job I just don't feel like I have anything left to give right now.

[Chrislydi]

You said as much, or at least inferred it, a change of attitude needs to have some reward too, encourage her and recriminations and working out what went wrong, well there's a lifetime left for that. I know human emotions aren't a light switch and it's far too simplistic but initial steps especially after (maybe) the breakup of her online relationship are important. Even if you're not feeling it then acting the part for now could be good.

Chris

[newaussiecuck]

You said as much, or at least inferred it, a change of attitude needs to have some reward too, encourage her and recriminations and working out what went wrong, well there's a lifetime left for that. I know human emotions aren't a light switch and it's far too simplistic but initial steps especially after (maybe) the breakup of her online relationship are important. Even if you're not feeling it then acting the part for now could be good.

Chris

Yes, you're right and having gotten that out of my system yesterday I'm ready to have a bit more of a fun time tonight. She called me earlier this morning too so it was good she was thinking of me.

We're planning to start doing a workout together tonight (like we used to some years back) so hopefully it might lead into another kind of workout later tonight with all the endorphins flowing, if I'm up to it. Still a little tired today but not written off like I was yesterday after my first day and long travel.

[gordon921]

You said as much, or at least inferred it, a change of attitude needs to have some reward too, encourage her and recriminations and working out what went wrong, well there's a lifetime left for that. I know human emotions aren't a light switch and it's far too simplistic but initial steps especially after (maybe) the breakup of her online relationship are important. Even if you're not feeling it then acting the part for now could be good.

Chris

Yes, you're right and having gotten that out of my system yesterday I'm ready to have a bit more of a fun time tonight. She called me earlier this morning too so it was good she was thinking of me.

We're planning to start doing a workout together tonight (like we used to some years back) so hopefully it might lead into another kind of workout later tonight with all the endorphins flowing, if I'm up to it. Still a little tired today but not written off like I was yesterday after my first day and long travel.

Carrot and stick method is needed I believe... (Carrot and stick motivation is a motivational approach that involves offering a “carrot” (a reward—for good behavior) and a “stick” (a negative consequence for poor behavior)."

So praise (carrot) her during the workout and tell her afterwards that you really enjoy working out with her, give her a hug..,you could try and push the boat out and say lets now both take the dog for a short walk before bed. Maybe during the walk tell her something like now you're working you need your sleep and with her coming to bed much later it disturbs you, just a suggestion.

If she goes back on the computer then it's the stick and now sure what tools you have for that...

[newaussiecuck]

Well, I'm very happy to say that no stick was needed last night. I got home and qot home and she greeted me at the door and I treated her to a huge passionate kiss. I quickly changed and took the dog to the dog Park, happy to see some of my friends still there even though I arrived late (no park girl probably for the better she's fallen off the face of the eaeth). When I got home again dinner was heated up (she had obviously cooked it earlier when I was at work) and being served.

After eating dinner she got up and closed the lid on her laptop, grabbed her electric throw rug and joined me on the lounge!!! It was like she had read my mind! We used to have that kind of almost psychic connection and for the first time I felt like we had it back!

After snuggling a bit and letting dinner settle we did our workout and then I got things ready for next day at work (lunch and breakfast and such).

I then had my shower and she was already in bed when I came out!

When I came to bed she rolled over and kissed me goodnight but I had other ideas! She said I needed to rest up for work tomorrow but I was very persistent and she relented pretty easily. So sex twice in a few days has doubled our count of the last 18 months. Amazing!

She actually cum first and I had to hurry up and finish before she got too sensitive.

Was a great night all around.

[Whosbeensleeping]

That is excellent news indeed.

[Chrislydi]

That's absolutely brilliant, delighted for you.

Chris

[gordon921]

Good news newaussiecuck, lets hope it continues, use lots of carrots

[newaussiecuck]

Good news newaussiecuck, lets hope it continues, use lots of carrots

Yes, except the carrot needs a bit of recharging today. Has been a long draining day at work. The travel is taking a bit out but I'm sure I'll get more used to it. At least the traffic was good both ways today. I just realised that not only has it been 7 or 8 months since I last worked, it's also been about 14 months since I've worked in an office since the last 5 months at my previous job were all from home. That all takes a bit of getting used to again. So it's not just starting a new job there's a few factors at play, not to mention all the stuff going on at home and also with my dad (he's still not real great).

In terms of tonight, another mixed bag. Dinner was cooked and we served up and ate and she stayed on the lounge again which was great. Until around 9:30 came and she got up and went back to her computer (which had been open but unattended all that time). That is around the time of night that her online person wakes up and comes online so I think it's pretty obvious she went there to wait until the person comes online. It will be interesting to see what time she comes to bed.

At least I had prepared myself for this possibility (even after such a great night last night) and so not feeling too hurt by it, just disappointed but not surprised. It's also the reason I allowed myself a month after starting work before making an assessment of where things are at.

[gordon921]

newaussiecuck, this may feel like an interrogation.

1. Have you got any idea what game she is playing, did she mention anything in the beginning.
2. I assume the laptop is out in the open?
3. Does she do a lot of typing or just mouse movement?
4. Does she close the lid or shield the screen if you come near?
5. Does she always have her mobile with her at the laptop?
6. Is mobile use infrequent or frequent?
7. Do the two of you have access to each others mobile?
8. Can you see her mobile bill, itemised, any frequent dialled numbers?
9. I assume that it is her laptop and is locked when she not on it and you don't know the password?

[newaussiecuck]

newaussiecuck, this may feel like an interrogation.

1. Have you got any idea what game she is playing, did she mention anything in the beginning.

I do, yes. In the beginning she would let me watch but that slowly changed about 2 years ago. Now I'm not allowed anywhere near it. I know, what was I thinking to allow this? Lockdowns and depression and way too much trust.

2. I assume the laptop is out in the open?

Yes in the living room but I can't see the screen unless I go around there when she's away from the room.

3. Does she do a lot of typing or just mouse movement?

Yes, LOTS of furious typing with that stupid big goofy smile on her face. However I haven't seen this since before I went away a few weeks back. She's definitely keeping it more low key when I'm around, which is easier now that I'm not around much.

4. Does she close the lid or shield the screen if you come near?

Yes, one day earlier on I sat on the lounge next to her and she freaked out, pushed me away and almost screamed "What are you doing????"

5. Does she always have her mobile with her at the laptop?

Yes, and in bed. I often wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I can see her screen on with the glow through the sheets. If I question it she tells me she fell asleep watching a video. I do know that she can access the game on her phone and has done so on some occasions when I did manage to get her our of the house for a picnic last year.

6. Is mobile use infrequent or frequent?

Frequent but she does also legitimately watch YouTube videos on it, or listen to music.

7. Do the two of you have access to each others mobile?

No. I might still remember the pass code but it's very clear it's off limits to me.

8. Can you see her mobile bill, itemised, any frequent dialled numbers?

Yes and zero suspicious calls. Very few calls at all. So nothing there.

9. I assume that it is her laptop and is locked when she not on it and you don't know the password?

It is on and unlocked but it is left on a screen with messages etc disabled and invisible. So if I see it when she's away from her computer there's nothing interesting to see.


I'll send you a PM soon.

[newaussiecuck]

I forgot to mention that she came to bed about 11:15 so about an hour after me, not too bad. However I was already asleep and she woke me up and talked at me about current news events for about 15 minutes. Had trouble getting back to sleep again for the next few hours.

I got up around 1am, still hadn't gotten back to sleep and I could see her phone screen still on glowing through the sheets. Maybe just watching a video but who knows.

Although I mentioned her getting up to go back to the computer to wait for her online person didn't hurt, that's not quite true. Although I'm pretty numb to it all and didn't let myself get too hopeful, it did hurt in the sense that it's killed all of the good feelings and some hope that I was starting to have. Maybe it was just a blip, but I'm less hopeful than I was a few days ago for example.

I'm also catching myself feeling real regrets over not taking things faster with park girl and letting her get away and I also catch myself thinking of park girl 2.0 a little (whom I'll likely see there over the weekend). So yeah her going back to the computer again has hurt us for sure.