wife interested in other guy

[Christinebitg]

<< So how do I go from being filled with anxiety and jealousy when they sleep together to feeling excited for their weekend away together?>>

I want to address this issue, which the thread seems to have drifted away from.

My personal opinion is that there may be a number of ways for you to get there. But it also may not be possible for you to achieve. I think a lot depends on the dynamics of your relationship with her.

My sense is that he wants her to cut you off from having intercourse with her. Or perhaps from any sexual contact with her. That could affect things in one of a couple of different directions.

First, getting cut off could make you more jealous, rather than less, unfortunately. That's especially true if you resort to masturbation.

Or if you don't jerk yourself off, the sexual excitement from knowing they're together and playing could heighten your excitement, rather than your frustration.

[Chrislydi]

I know it can be more of a reflex against intrusion or just an instinctive knee jerk action, but the fact your wife 'instinctively' covered herself when you came into 'their' bedroom also sent a small signal, perhaps it's all in with the impression his influence over her is growing.

As Christinebitg senses, cutting you off entirely and that could mean from even seeing her body, can't be ruled out. For some into extreme denial and cuckolding this might be a turn on, even an aim, but if as you say you're not the slightest bit interested in this, then it's a step or twenty four too many and has to be stopped now, not drift into it

[Marinecuckplease]

I think you need to figure out your options for an out if needed with your wife.This seems 100% down a full blown cuckold path in my eyes. If your willing have at it. But remember your both supposed to have fun and enjoy. It seems both of you thought going into this it would be like the college days. And jumped feet first with little conversations of rules. You kind of have an advantage with conner thinking he has the upper hand. If your wife truely loves you and wont leave. you have all weekend with him not around for you to convince her to see your point. You dont have to stop them from seeing each other but you could change the dynamic of the situation. As long as your wife is on your side.

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

Affairs between co-workers in my experience are notoriously difficult to keep secret, no matter how many precautions are taken.

I've worked in a large UK banking centre for around twenty years now and in my time there I've have definitely known of nine or ten between a departmental heads and junior staff myself, (the place does have a few hundred employees), but it wasn't just me who knew in each case, but almost everyone in their department and others outside of it too. There is body language, signals, people aren't stupid and soon suspect and perhaps even unconsciously watch whenever the two are in close proximity. Enough people are naturally inquisitive and word gets around.

All of this can be just office rumours and talk, easily brushed aside, but beware anytime promotion is involved, they're undermined straight away and if not up to the new position, everyone assumes they've been sleeping around again. The problem is once you get a reputation amongst work colleagues it sticks, you get called nicknames, there are constant snide comments and you can lose respect workwise too, people can think you shouldn't have been promoted, seriously undermine you and make the position untenable, no matter how much you do or don't deserve it.

It can be a recipe for disaster unless you can seriously act indifferently to the other colleague in work and never ever be seen in a compromising position by anyone outside of it. Obviously a boss having an affair with a more junior person is the most notoriously risky, between unconnected colleagues its far less so and no problems. There are so many social functions that complete avoidance can be a hard stipulation to follow.

Brilliant observation. I"ve always had the saying, "Don't get your honey where you get your money". But human beings are human beings. We are WIRED to think about sex. I'm a lawyer, not an evolutionary biologist, but it's how the human race has replicated itself since humans evolved in the first place. You put men and women together in almost any situation- work, school, the military....and things are going to happen. It's called human nature. But in this day and age, one must be careful.

[Bi+Gigh]

Thanks everyone for your help and advice on this. This is all so much more complicated than my wife having sex with another guy. All the emotions and questions about what happens next is draining.
But, G and Conor talked last night and none of what he said is surprising. He said he has been competing his whole life, athletically and academically, and has been very successful at both. Competing and wanting to win comes naturally to him. Being an alpha comes naturally. And he said he can sense weaknesses in others and he did with me, which doesn’t surprise me.
He also said he has developed some strong feelings for G (as she has for him) and is not used to sharing a girlfriend. He would prefer that G only has sex with him (our weekend deal of no sex still stands tho) but he doesn’t feel he can make that demand “yet.” And G and I had some brutally honest conversation around sex last night. The bottom line is I’m a pretty inadequate lover. My words, not hers, although she did point out that we rarely do anything but missionary and it rarely lasts very long. She did admit that she likes my oral skills so one for the win column. Believe it or not, we were laughing our asses off at this point.
We had a really nice time and were actually cuddled up on the bed (unfortunately fully clothed) while we talked. She wants us to be together, she wouldn’t leave me for Conor (I will assume at this point), and she still very much loves me, as I do her. I asked her to rate the sex with Conor on a scale of 1 – 10 and she said it’s a 12. I can’t deprive her of that. She’s only 27 and should have a satisfying sex life. I told her as far as the sex with me goes, I will respect whatever she (and Conor, I guess) decide. She said Conor would like to talk to me about that when he comes back.
“If you're now comfortable with a far greater submissive role towards Conor as the undisputed alpha then rather than holding back, you might want to explore this further.”
Chris said this to me in one of his messages. I won’t be putting on a French maid uniform as I have read about and serving him, but clearly he’s a natural alpha and I’m a natural submissive. And I don’t like the idea of confronting him or arguing about things. I’d like for him and I to get along. So as long as he doesn’t make any unreasonable demands, I can defer to him. I do like him, and I think I can trust him, but I think this is better for our marriage in the longer term. G agrees with me.
Something tells me I’m officially cucked at this point. If that’s the case, I’ll live with it. But I really want G to be happy and I’m hopeful that we can make this work.

[Marinecuckplease]

I still don't want to be cucked. And I doubt my wife even knows what cucking is so i don't believe this was deliberate cucking on her part


I bet he does

[Bi+Gigh]

And I also want to be clear about something. I'm not being forced into a situation where I'm going to be miserable. I liked being submissive to past boyfriends. And being submissive to a really hot guy in Conor has some erotic feelings to it. And G is aware of my feelings on this and she thinks it's hot. I just have to keep my ego out of the way and try to enjoy the arrangement.

[Bi+Gigh]

I still don't want to be cucked. And I doubt my wife even knows what cucking is so i don't believe this was deliberate cucking on her part


I bet he does

I can't disagree with you. Even if he isn't familiar with the word cucking, he knows what emasculating means.

[Marinecuckplease]

Honestly. I see this going flr in a few years. Make sure you leave an option to find pleasure elswhere. You might not be getting any physical pleasure at this rate. On the other hand if you accept being a cuck there should be plenty of cuck angst and mental pleasure. You should read some of the hardcore cuck stories. No sex , orgasms, seeing wife naked. They all started small.

[gordon921]

Hi Bi+Gigh, I would be very honest with yourself.
You wife has already sided with Conor, so you are no longer No. 1 in her eyes.
I've seen this on so many threads on here, you are heading to permanent denial from your wife, can you live with that, will your marriage survive that.
Read: Looking for Feedback - he's now permanently denied. My Wife and her Ex Husband - permanently denied after broken promises.
Wish you luck chap, but some red flags.

[Chrislydi]

Yes you've been cucked for some time tbf although the way this is going it will even satisfy the more extreme definitions. As we know although neither of you initially wanted such a dynamic, at least in your declarations to each other, it's exactly where you're both now willingly headed.

On a positive note you seem more than happy with the direction and that's all that really matters, it's probably a stretch to think he won't be making unreasonable demands of you as that can come with the territory, it's if you further change to embrace whatever he wants that's the question, and certainly your attraction to him might get you there. There are no guarantees and you need an 'out', don't rely on this. As said in a previous post, be sure you leave yourself options, give yourself a chance to leave if it all goes pear shaped. I'd be reluctant to rely on this arrangement not messing up your marriage

Chris.

[Chrislydi]

Hi Bi+Gigh, I would be very honest with yourself.
You wife has already sided with Conor, so you are no longer No. 1 in her eyes.
I've seen this on so many threads on here, you are heading to permanent denial from your wife, can you live with that, will your marriage survive that.
Read: Looking for Feedback - he's now permanently denied. My Wife and her Ex Husband - permanently denied after broken promises.
Wish you luck chap, but some red flags.

Also 'Risking everything', he's headed for divorce
and Jezza's being replaced, that's gone seriously south. Lessons are there but for some the risky odds of any success are part of it.

[Marinecuckplease]

Maybe have your wife read these with you this weekend and explain this is not the path you really want to go down. If thats the case. She is in such a high space with him she will do almost anything for him. She did anal for him after a month of fucking but never before in her 27 years. And all he has to do to get everything he wants is not abruptly alienate her and take his suggestions slow. You have already showed your willingness to concede and follow her directions.

[Bi+Gigh]

Maybe have your wife read these with you this weekend and explain this is not the path you really want to go down. If thats the case. She is in such a high space with him she will do almost anything for him. She did anal for him after a month of fucking but never before in her 27 years. And all he has to do to get everything he wants is not abruptly alienate her and take his suggestions slow. You have already showed your willingness to concede and follow her directions.

Well, she has been with me for most of our adult life starting when we were 17 or so. And I've never been interested in doing anal except as a bottom when with guys. So she's not had much opportunity to experience that. But having said, I agree that she'd pretty much do anything if he asked.

And I've read alot about this lifestyle where guys have co-husbands and wives have long term boyfriends and bulls. Some of them have been together for a long time, and some haven't had sex with their wives in years. What do you think makes them successful? And what makes some of you think that G and I are heading in a bad direction?

[Chrislydi]

A lot depends on Conor, he's already known to have a reluctance to engage in anything bi, with the exception of fulfilling G's fantasy and then only if his conditions are met. Long term denial often entails other sexual satisfaction involving the wife, perhaps oral or clean up etc.

All of this might heavily rely on Conor's cooperation in allowing it, he's already stated he's a winner and doesn't fancy sharing his woman. Maybe a lot comes down to your interpretation of sharing, is allowing another man oral sharing? I would think it is, he's very much an alpha and could go a lot firther. Long term maybe he still thinks this is the future and this is his aim. There are differences from other threads without even looking carefully for them as they stand out.

Chris

[proudhusb217]

If you want to be successful, I'd strongly suggest you maintain some form of physical intimacy with your wife. Intercourse denial play can be fun, certainly. But you should have something with her. You going down on her, her jerking you off, whatever helps maintain a sexual connection with her.

Above all, you should still be able to cuddle her, kiss her, hold her, and have affectionate times in bed, even if there's no sex. I think threads on here go in a bad direction when couples completely sever physical intimacy with each other. After that, one or both of them eventually checks out emotionally as well.

[Chrislydi]

If you want to be successful, I'd strongly suggest you maintain some form of physical intimacy with your wife. Intercourse denial play can be fun, certainly. But you should have something with her. You going down on her, her jerking you off, whatever helps maintain a sexual connection with her.

Above all, you should still be able to cuddle her, kiss her, hold her, and have affectionate times in bed, even if there's no sex. I think threads on here go in a bad direction when couples completely sever physical intimacy with each other. After that, one or both of them eventually checks out emotionally as well.

Great post and I'm fully on board with this view and it's exactly why I think there are red flags here

.'She wants us to be together, she wouldn’t leave me for Conor (I will assume at this point), and she still very much loves me'

This is so reminiscent of every other wife's words and good intentions before it all turns quickly south.

[Marinecuckplease]

Not so much the fact that she got pissed when you couldt promise no sex. I could understand getting pissed if she gave up anal just to get you to suck him off. But the fact she stormed away with him means she disrespected you in front of an outsider of the marriage. Also the fact she so quickly agreed and got pissed without a simple. That wasnt agreed upon or we need to talk.

The fact everyone acknowledges he is the alpha out of the 3 of you. He blatently put demands on you only a month into thier relationship. Without any conversation about it knowing she would go along.And if he told your wife and she didnt disclose it to you thats even worse.

It seems this whole situation is running on in the moment emotions instead of love, respect, and communication. All 3 all the time are needed to make it work.

The fact you have stated you both didnt want to be cucked or humiliated also makes this situation unsteady because your wife didnt say "We are still having sex", or "we dont play that way". It seems shes already broken that aspect of what you both wanted.

Also alot of these sucsessful stories were started after being married for decades and many have children. Having kids is a big reason to make things work

[nekkedoutdoors]

G and Conor talked last night and none of what he said is surprising. He said he has been competing his whole life, athletically and academically, and has been very successful at both. Competing and wanting to win comes naturally to him. Being an alpha comes naturally. And he said he can sense weaknesses in others and he did with me, which doesn’t surprise me.
He also said he has developed some strong feelings for G (as she has for him) and is not used to sharing a girlfriend. He would prefer that G only has sex with him

G & Connor talked. Period. Not with you, about you. He views you as an obstacle to him winning the championship and the trophy (your wife). You are something to be defeated for him to achieve his goals. He admits to having feeling and not wanting to share her. He has no intention of playing fair. Despite your submissive tendencies, You better put your helmet on and get in the game.

You must be supportive of your wife needs, but at the same time, she needs to acknowledge yours. You need to talk with and demand to have Connor free time. Time for the two of to reconnect, shop, go on dates, hang out with friends, be intimate in whatever form that takes. But it is imperative that the two of you have time away from Connor. You must man up and demand these things now before he can set parameter's of your relationship with your wife or I think Connor is going to do everything in his power to destroy you and your marriage.

[Marinecuckplease]

G and Conor talked last night and none of what he said is surprising. He said he has been competing his whole life, athletically and academically, and has been very successful at both. Competing and wanting to win comes naturally to him. Being an alpha comes naturally. And he said he can sense weaknesses in others and he did with me, which doesn’t surprise me.
He also said he has developed some strong feelings for G (as she has for him) and is not used to sharing a girlfriend. He would prefer that G only has sex with him

G & Connor talked. Period. Not with you, about you. He views you as an obstacle to him winning the championship and the trophy (your wife). You are something to be defeated for him to achieve his goals. He admits to having feeling and not wanting to share her. He has no intention of playing fair. Despite your submissive tendencies, You better put your helmet on and get in the game.

You must be supportive of your wife needs, but at the same time, she needs to acknowledge yours. You need to talk with and demand to have Connor free time. Time for the two of to reconnect, shop, go on dates, hang out with friends, be intimate in whatever form that takes. But it is imperative that the two of you have time away from Connor. You must man up and demand these things now before he can set parameter's of your relationship with your wife or I think Connor is going to do everything in his power to destroy you and your marriage.

EXACTLY

[Chrislydi]

It's easy to be negative but you are right that there are a hell of a lot of highly successful long term relationships involving long periods of, or even permanent denial of PIV, so that's not really in dispute at all as it's a fact. I think it takes a very solid understanding that there will be other avenues and ways to keep you on board and the emotional bond will not be weakened in any way, no matter how close and possessive Conor becomes. None of the many successful examples of long term denial in threads on this site feature a partner whose aims for his woman are of a non sharing sole access couple in a monogamous relationship. Conor knows what he wants long term.

There have to be boundaries now where she is prepared to step back from him, while she's in this NRE phase it might be difficult to think too clearly if she falls deeper into submission. Conor's attitude and likely long term aims seem to me the least dependable here, they are definitely the weakest link of this arrangement, and it's the extent to which he may try and manufacture a split that's more concerning, and in the future rather than any intermediate position and talks he might have now with you when he returns.

Looking from Connor's point of view, a conciliatory stance makes far more sense in initial talks with you, Rome wasn't built in a day, his long term aim of being a couple and having a one woman non sharing relationship is clear, he's a winner and will be out to win long term here too. Getting on with you and being on friendly terms will all play to his advantage long term, he doesn't want to alienate your wife in any way whatsoever but rather ingratiate himself with her.

I could forsee these initial talks being tactically of a far more reassuring and conciliatory nature, so perhaps only an initial marker put down that he's the alpha and has priority over sexual access. His plan will obviously be leading up by stages to cut you off completely, so firstly for PIV and then by stages from all access of any kind, including her body or touching her. Now that may be way beyond and into the future but a rough plan after his obvious softening up and initial reassuring words will be in mind.

We know they just didn't want a physicsl bond but are developing a stronger emotional side too. At the moment their emotional bond will be separate from the one she shares with you and not threatening at all, we know a woman can love more than one man etc.. The longer he has total physical access to inseminate her with his semen and especially the longer non sexual time he spends with her doing the everyday things, the small loving touches and kissing, sharing problems and talking, the more his emotional attachment will overlap yours. He needs his emotional attachment to grow exponentially and be by far the stronger before he can hope to be successful, but as long as he keeps her monogamous to just himself and just for himself , then she'll start recognising with the stronger emotional side too, that he has the whole package and more especially if their emotional attachment eventually overshadows yours.

If you're going to successfully manufacture a split then you have to be dominant in all areas, physically and emotionally, he can enjoy biding his time as he has sole sexual access, and move only when his emotional bond is by far the stronger too.

Chris.

[Marinecuckplease]

And I work for my father's company and will take it over at some point so money is not an issue. I think that could be part of the reason she wants to stay married but I do believe she loves me.
Thanks for your insight Brute.
[/quote]

He could also talk her/you into supporting the both of them while your the "faithful"husband. He will eventually find out you will inherit. With conner i feel nothing is off the table. The more he cucks you. His ego and power trip will only grow. Eventually it will snowball to what he wants or what she will allow. You will have virtually no say. You wont know it because he will allow you to think you have say. They will just ignore your wishes or lie about it.

And the fact you think money is why she wont leave is dumb. She will just take half when she leaves
And the fact you only believe she loves you is not a good sign of a strong relationship

[desertsub]

I went into this arrangement not wanting the dynamics of the relationships to change. Obviously once I do him, they will change. Does anyone have any idea how, though? What should I expect going forward

There are two people who have the power to say how this goes, YOU and G! Conner is a third wheel unless G decides other wise and you accept it. For him to have the power to direct where this goes, you and G have to let him have it. If you and G are solid, then it goes where the two of you let it go. If she sides with Conner it will go where the two of them want it to go. The question is really "Where does G's loyalty lay?" Nobody here can definitively determine that, only you and G!

There's a lot of speculating going on here by a few posters who seem to know you and G intimately (which we know is not the case) and oddly enough, it is the same few who seem to have an intimate knowledge of a couple of other posters on here and are making the same kind of speculative suggestions on their threads.

I'm not calling anybody out, I'm just pointing out that any advice you get from this forum should be tempered with the knowledge that nobody here knows you and your wife as well as you do and you need to keep that in mind when reading these posts. Lots of "I feel" and "I think" comments, but no one here other than you is at ground zero!

[Bi+Gigh]

Thank you all for your insights and advice. Unfortunately, Conor is away with his family and we're not able to sit down and understand what the 3 of us are looking for, or what we're willing to agree to. He is definitely an alpha, he can be intimidating but I really find him to be a nice guy. G would sniff out an a__hole in a second. I know things are changing but I can't be sure to what degree until we all talk. I am submissive but I'm not giving up my marriage unless that is what G wants and she says she doesn't. So we will have to wait until Sunday for the 3 of us to be together again.

[FNQLivin]

Thank you all for your insights and advice. Unfortunately, Conor is away with his family and we're not able to sit down and understand what the 3 of us are looking for, or what we're willing to agree to. He is definitely an alpha, he can be intimidating but I really find him to be a nice guy. G would sniff out an a__hole in a second. I know things are changing but I can't be sure to what degree until we all talk. I am submissive but I'm not giving up my marriage unless that is what G wants and she says she doesn't. So we will have to wait until Sunday for the 3 of us to be together again.

You don't need Connor's input at all, apart from being polite. You and your wife need to agree outside of him where you want to be and how you see your own relationship. His views are not relevant, other than he obviously wants exclusivity with your wife.

If that's what you and G want, then it's something you can offer him. If you don't, then you need to make sure that your wife knows and if she choses to be exclusive, you need to know that you're the only person who can make a change, ie, you either leave or accept.

Assuming all you tell us is true we know that temporary exclusivity WILL lead to long term denial and a gradual erosion of sexual intimacy with your wife. It happens in just about every thread.