she has feelings?

[shesmypornstar]

Chrislydi, you're spot on with understanding the current situation and initial assessment that maybe the increase of frequency just decreases the need and excitement for her. And, you're also right in assuming that we were more adventurous and kinky when sex was less frequent, but here's another twist in the situation.

When we were having sex less frequently we still talked about her cucking me on a regular basis. Even though she was just entertaining me and not the actual idea we did talk about it quite a bit. Because of that, I tried to play the cuck role during sex to put her in a more dominant position, so yes our sex was much more adventurous. For example, she'd regularly think of our neighbor or call out his name while having sex, do things like have her massive orgasm then make me jerk off while she pissed on me, or would make me cum on her fuck me heels or even cum in her a little and make me lick it up before telling me to finish on her boots. That all was extremely hot for me and were all suggestions of mine that she was willing to try. However, despite her trying and enjoying some of those things, she regularly told me that this wasn't the type of sex she likes. What she likes is slower, sensual sex that might lead up to an aggressive pounding, but she's a sub and wants to be seduced and dominated.

So with that in mind, over the past few months we haven't done any of that kinky stuff, and instead I've taken on that seductive more dominant role and given her exactly what shes wanted sexually. Shes told me many times over the past few months "this is the sex that I like" or "that's exactly what I've been looking for" or "I loved absolutely everything about that". And I know that shes not lying but the problem for me is that her orgasms don't echo her words and shes not knocking down my door looking for more.

The end result in my head is that she wants sex like this, but maybe I'm not the guy to give it to her like she needs it.

[Chrislydi]

I entirely understand get your dilemma, and now remember remarking on the futility of forbidden subjects when both almost certainly know within a tiny margin of error exactly what the other is thinking.

Wasn't it at one stage that she said we might be in trouble as she thinks of the neighbour every time she orgasms? That in itself brought about the moratorium on mentioning his name when having sex or otherwise. Then recently you, or rather she has started bringing him up agsin?

But getting back to the problem, it's words versus actions and results, what she says she wants, the rougher more dominant lover to her submissive role is not giving her the orgasms that the kinkier version, often with you in the more submissive cuckold role, but with the use of the neighbour's name integral to the whole act.

To my mind there are then two distinct possibilities

The earth shattering orgasms are linked to either

The frequency

or

The type of sex you have.

If you were in a science class, the science teacher might conduct a little experiment as we know the kinkier sex and hence greater orgasms only occured when you had infrequent sex and when sex was far more frequent but less kinky there were none.

So why not as a one off experiment, or maybe over two weeks try alternating between dominant and kinky sex but keeping up the high frequency.

If orgasms occur it's likely entirely linked to the type of sex (kinky rather than dominant) of course a further complication might occur if it's the dom sex that produces them but we'll think that's unlikely when combined with the frequency

If they don't then it's the frequency of sex that's stopping them

Obviously as formerly they occured one in two or three times - the experiment would have to be prolonged a little to at least have kinky sex three times interspersed with the more dominant type of sex - so maybe six times in total over a week or a fortnight?

Go on it's what a science teacher might recommend

Chris.

[Chrislydi]

I'd actually be surprised if it's the frequency that's entirely responsible, it might be a contributory factor but for me it's far more likely to be the type of sex and the kinkier type that is producing results contrary to what she tells you she wants.

But I'm prejudging the outcome and that's always a fatal error to make.

Chris

[shesmypornstar]

You are correct, she did say that we might be in trouble if she keeps thinking about him during sex and she was the one that asked we stop yet consistently brings him up, though not necessarily in a sexual way.

To that point he's been brought up twice during sex in the past week and in neither case did she have one of her massive O's. The first time last week was detailed in an earlier post. The second time I told her that i was taking a dominant role and demanding her to think of him during sex so that she could have that massive O. Her response was that she was and has been....that I'm not so sure of, but maybe she has been.

I like your suggestion of a little experiment and as I was typing my last post I thought to myself "actions speak louder than words" and she definitely got off on playing the more dominant role that she does as a sub. Would be very interesting if she comes to the conclusion that she likes the kinky dominant role more, and that my willingness to play as a more submissive cuck is what she needs from me.

Just an interesting side note as the roles have changed and developed over the past few months. When I was playing the role of a more submissive cuck I never found myself questioning anything about our sex or us in general and felt comfortable in the relationship. As I've taken on the more dominant role I've found myself feeling less secure in our relationship, maybe not a justified feeling, but questioning my ability to be what she needs nonetheless. I"m sure some of that has to do with her telling me just me how unhappy she was in our relationship. But you would think that I would find more comfort and security knowing that I'm giving her what she wants and she says that shes happier than ever in our relationship. That just hasn't been the case for me.

[Chrislydi]

I'll answer more fully tomorrow but I'm English and it's getting late here with work tomorrow. Basically the role you feel more comfortable in is crucial. I myself am a rugby player, so quite a tall well built bloke with a reasonably sized cock yet psychologically I find it hard to be too dominant in bed as it just doesn't suit my psyche, yet I'm dominant at work as I have to be.

It's hard to act something you're not, or at least do it with enough conviction to convince, so if being a Dom in bed doesn't come naturally then it's hard to assume the role as part of what she wants. The important thing is she may not be wrong and another might well give her the big O's by being precisely the Dom you couldn't be.

Psychology is a complicated subject and you can be quite a different man outside the bedroom too

[shesmypornstar]

Agreed.

And while I'm here I'll share the not so subtle tease that I was just on the receiving end of. The kids were doing some chores and my wife made a joke about the kids keeping my house clean when shes not around anymore. I asked where she'd be and her response had something to do with "being part of a mixed family with a lot of kids, but at least I'll still live in the neighborhood so that I can watch the kids even when its not my weekend so that they can go out"

So hot!

[FNQLivin]

Sort of hot and yet very scary. She doesn’t see that she can have her cake and eat it too. Some people just are not wired for non monogamy. A real case of be careful what you wish for.

[shesmypornstar]

Sort of hot and yet very scary. She doesn’t see that she can have her cake and eat it too. Some people just are not wired for non monogamy. A real case of be careful what you wish for.

I don't disagree, I just interpret it differently. To me shes just playing with the idea of being with him and the more she does that more likely she is to make me her cuck, I just don't really think she'd leave me for him.

However, she has long said that if she wanted someone else she'd eventually just leave me, so I do need to take her at her word. For some reason, with him, even-though I definitely can see them together in a real relationship, I just don't think it would play out that way.

[mundyman]

Agreed.

And while I'm here I'll share the not so subtle tease that I was just on the receiving end of. The kids were doing some chores and my wife made a joke about the kids keeping my house clean when shes not around anymore. I asked where she'd be and her response had something to do with "being part of a mixed family with a lot of kids, but at least I'll still live in the neighborhood so that I can watch the kids even when its not my weekend so that they can go out"

So hot!

[Chrislydi]

There's also the more depressing thought, that it's not the frequency of 'same old', 'same old' sex that's the problem or even the type of sex, so reverting to the kinkier type with you in the sub role, as she still says that's not what she wants, and might not now make any difference. What may have changed is how she sees yourself as her partner, and how she wishes at least in her mind it was her neighbour. That's not to be taken as the case, and could be a million miles from where we're at, but it's a possibility you can't completely ignore. It may only have an effect during sex too where perhaps it can be more noticeable by the lack of her orgasms, there may be no real signs of it 99% of the daytime.

It might just be that as she's admitted, even when NOT performing the kinkier sex but the more dominant type with yourself as the Dom, she now thinks of her neighbour all the time.

(although again this could be just part of a play just to turn you on but that surely isn't part of the more traditional roleplay with you as the dominant)

I'm sure the comment about the kids and their wedding is just trying to push your buttons or be a little teasing, and again the comments about always imagining him with her during sex, could be part of the same scenario. - it'll be interesting though if once you reverted to the kinkier type the orgasms suddenly make a comeback so that experiment might be worth a try.

[Brute]

Let me recap here to make sure I am not going down the wrong path with this. You two are having more sex. She is still having orgasms when you do have sex which means more orgasms they are just not as big of an orgasm.

It could be that your communication has improved your relationship, and it brings her less stress, she doesn’t have to work as hard to have the orgasm, and hence it is less intense.

[larryt]

Thank you for being so honest and transparent about your feelings.

Most men find the female sex drive difficult to understand. I’m convinced that most women don’t understand their own drives, and are surprised by their own responses.

Your expectations are very high. Most women would be happy to cum regularly during sex at all, without worrying about earth shattering. Appreciate how lucky you are! Maybe she’s totally happy with your sex life?

How often are you having sex? Maybe she’s doing it more often to reward you for trying harder, and isn’t feeling quite as horny? Which might be what makes her happy.

I’ll point out an attitude that I noticed: making her happy should be a reward in itself. You should not be thinking about it in terms of what you get back. Maybe that’s where counseling would be most helpful.

Anyway, you might both enjoy her taking baby steps such as flirting a little or just spending a little more time with crush. Make sure she knows that her making you a little jealous is a turn on, and maybe she’ll play with that a bit. And just enjoy those things if she does them. This is not the time to be goal oriented.

Or you could play with denial, carefully. If she admits she might want better but less frequent sex, agree to not bring it up until she initiates. But only if she thinks that would be fun. And only for a limited time, in case you can’t deal with it!

[shesmypornstar]

Ok so I'm probably overreacting but i feel like I'm on the path to being cucked and I'm not going to even have a say in it.

So yesterday I get on my wifes phone to use the calculator and her texts are the first thing that shows up on her screen. The second message is from the neighborhood crush which has me wondering why or what they're talking about. Obviously i look and its nothing direct or even overly flirty, but it was a text from her to him on a topic that basically shows that shes going out of her way to think about him/text him. I bring it up later and she kinda laughs and plays with it for a minute, but ultimately says that she was just trying to be nice and thought that he'd want to know something so she texted him.

Later in the day another opportunity regarding the same thing comes up and i ask her if she was going to text him about that as well. She says no that i could do it myself to which i said no. So later in the night i get a peak at her phone and of course she did take that 2nd opportunity to text him.

Earlier today i was kinda off, just in a mood about it all and she could tell. I finally mentioned it in a joking manner and she said she knew that i was waiting for a chance to talk about it. So a few minutes ago we talk briefly about it. I wanted to know what her intentions were, she wanted to know if I'm jealous or mad, or am I good with it all like I've always said that i would be. I told her yes I'm jealous, and yes I'm upset but I'm only upset because I was wanting this for all these years but she got me to completely drop it 3-4 months ago and now it appears that she's putting in effort to go above and beyond as a friend, which in my book shows intent or interest on her part. Her response was confusing but is a combination of the following

1) she was just being considerate of him and not trying to flirt or have other intentions
2) she never said we couldn't talk about this topic, she just didn't want to talk about this topic if it was completely fake and fantasy
3) she said i couldn't talk about this topic, not that she couldn't talk about it
4) i only liked this when it was my idea because it was on my terms but now shes in control
5) why do i need to know what her intentions are, if I like it just go with it
6) I'm not even saying there are intentions on my end
7) I didn't think it was healthy to fantasize about him during sex back then and maybe this isn't even healthy but I like it right now

We're definitely going to talk about it later to clear some of that up but right now I don't even know if i can trust what shes saying. For years and years I told her that it would be hot even if she just made some things up that could have happened or are 100% realistic scenarios that come from her everyday life and she never once did. Now all of the sudden shes playing that game which tells me this isn't a game. AND if i would have never checked her phone i wouldn't even know she was texting him. She obviously likes being in control right now and even though shes taking the longer route with him and not being overly direct, i think shes laying the groundwork to see if he'll bite and flirt back.

[Chrislydi]

First of all why is she not protecting her own phone with a password or some sort of security? This leads me to think she might want you to know?

Excuse the questions and lack of clarity as it's impossible from the little posted here to make any firm conclusions, if you can't then the reader with far less information has no chance whatsoever.
The points she makes can be factually correct if looked at in a certain way, but are more like taking snippets from a paragraph and isolating them in a quote, without any context regarding the sentence from where they were taken. When taken out of context the isolated quotes can have their whole meaning changed entirely. It's much the same here with the points she makes, they can be factually correct while still being apparently contrary or conflict with each other.

All I can say is aim for some clarity and context, these quotes came from different times over the last few weeks and months as things changed, the moratorium on speaking was futile as each pretty much knew what the other was thinking 99% of the time anyway, a good sign for most married couples.

Best of luck in getting that clarity and for the future.

Chris.

[troilusand]

Ok so I'm probably overreacting but i feel like I'm on the path to being cucked and I'm not going to even have a say in it.

So yesterday I get on my wifes phone to use the calculator and her texts are the first thing that shows up on her screen. The second message is from the neighborhood crush which has me wondering why or what they're talking about. Obviously i look and its nothing direct or even overly flirty, but it was a text from her to him on a topic that basically shows that shes going out of her way to think about him/text him. I bring it up later and she kinda laughs and plays with it for a minute, but ultimately says that she was just trying to be nice and thought that he'd want to know something so she texted him.

Later in the day another opportunity regarding the same thing comes up and i ask her if she was going to text him about that as well. She says no that i could do it myself to which i said no. So later in the night i get a peak at her phone and of course she did take that 2nd opportunity to text him.

Earlier today i was kinda off, just in a mood about it all and she could tell. I finally mentioned it in a joking manner and she said she knew that i was waiting for a chance to talk about it. So a few minutes ago we talk briefly about it. I wanted to know what her intentions were, she wanted to know if I'm jealous or mad, or am I good with it all like I've always said that i would be. I told her yes I'm jealous, and yes I'm upset but I'm only upset because I was wanting this for all these years but she got me to completely drop it 3-4 months ago and now it appears that she's putting in effort to go above and beyond as a friend, which in my book shows intent or interest on her part. Her response was confusing but is a combination of the following

1) she was just being considerate of him and not trying to flirt or have other intentions
2) she never said we couldn't talk about this topic, she just didn't want to talk about this topic if it was completely fake and fantasy
3) she said i couldn't talk about this topic, not that she couldn't talk about it
4) i only liked this when it was my idea because it was on my terms but now shes in control
5) why do i need to know what her intentions are, if I like it just go with it
6) I'm not even saying there are intentions on my end
7) I didn't think it was healthy to fantasize about him during sex back then and maybe this isn't even healthy but I like it right now

We're definitely going to talk about it later to clear some of that up but right now I don't even know if i can trust what shes saying. For years and years I told her that it would be hot even if she just made some things up that could have happened or are 100% realistic scenarios that come from her everyday life and she never once did. Now all of the sudden shes playing that game which tells me this isn't a game. AND if i would have never checked her phone i wouldn't even know she was texting him. She obviously likes being in control right now and even though shes taking the longer route with him and not being overly direct, i think shes laying the groundwork to see if he'll bite and flirt back.

All right She'smy, say it out loud here to us: Do you want this as a fantasy...or do you want the reality? You sound as conflicted about this as she is. If it's the reality you want, tell her clearly and prepare yourself to live with the consequences. Tell her she has not only your permission, but your encouragement to have her affair with the neighbor.

You said that she's enjoying having control, well take some of it back so you can feel comfortable, too. If this is taking too long for your brain to handle, tell her to make a decision in a timeframe you're comfortable with.

But remember, this is a marriage altering event, like a first child...nothing will be the same if you two go ahead with it. SO BE CERTAIN.

And if you find she's not into the reality of it at all, then make it plain and go to fantasy role playing...and have your fun that way. But right now, it looks to me like you're both torturing yourselves over this. This is supposed to be fun.

I wish you two the best of luck in this little escapade...

Troilus

[FNQLivin]

Ok so I'm probably overreacting but i feel like I'm on the path to being cucked and I'm not going to even have a say in it.

So yesterday I get on my wifes phone to use the calculator and her texts are the first thing that shows up on her screen. The second message is from the neighborhood crush which has me wondering why or what they're talking about. Obviously i look and its nothing direct or even overly flirty, but it was a text from her to him on a topic that basically shows that shes going out of her way to think about him/text him. I bring it up later and she kinda laughs and plays with it for a minute, but ultimately says that she was just trying to be nice and thought that he'd want to know something so she texted him.

Later in the day another opportunity regarding the same thing comes up and i ask her if she was going to text him about that as well. She says no that i could do it myself to which i said no. So later in the night i get a peak at her phone and of course she did take that 2nd opportunity to text him.

Earlier today i was kinda off, just in a mood about it all and she could tell. I finally mentioned it in a joking manner and she said she knew that i was waiting for a chance to talk about it. So a few minutes ago we talk briefly about it. I wanted to know what her intentions were, she wanted to know if I'm jealous or mad, or am I good with it all like I've always said that i would be. I told her yes I'm jealous, and yes I'm upset but I'm only upset because I was wanting this for all these years but she got me to completely drop it 3-4 months ago and now it appears that she's putting in effort to go above and beyond as a friend, which in my book shows intent or interest on her part. Her response was confusing but is a combination of the following

1) she was just being considerate of him and not trying to flirt or have other intentions
2) she never said we couldn't talk about this topic, she just didn't want to talk about this topic if it was completely fake and fantasy
3) she said i couldn't talk about this topic, not that she couldn't talk about it
4) i only liked this when it was my idea because it was on my terms but now shes in control
5) why do i need to know what her intentions are, if I like it just go with it
6) I'm not even saying there are intentions on my end
7) I didn't think it was healthy to fantasize about him during sex back then and maybe this isn't even healthy but I like it right now

We're definitely going to talk about it later to clear some of that up but right now I don't even know if i can trust what shes saying. For years and years I told her that it would be hot even if she just made some things up that could have happened or are 100% realistic scenarios that come from her everyday life and she never once did. Now all of the sudden shes playing that game which tells me this isn't a game. AND if i would have never checked her phone i wouldn't even know she was texting him. She obviously likes being in control right now and even though shes taking the longer route with him and not being overly direct, i think shes laying the groundwork to see if he'll bite and flirt back.

Wow, it really is decision time.

If you say 'Go ahead, do it, I am fine' then you need to accept the consequences, however that may be. If she's super into him, perhaps she really will think about leaving, or at least moving her sexual attraction and desire to him and him only. If that happens (and she implied she was a one man woman iirc), then are you OK with that?

[larryt]

She’s encouraged you to read her phone messages, so you should continue.

I would love her to be in control and to take things slowly. You sound like you’re in a rush. Do you skip ahead to the ends of books as well?

You also sound a bit angry at her, for no reason I can understand. Is it because she’s moving too slowly? Because you’re not in control? Or are you just jealous?

I advise not telling her what to do. Give her permission if she asks. Remain neutral and see where she takes it.

You’re very lucky.

[Bent_n_Twisted]

Ok so I'm probably overreacting but...

Damn, dude, make up your mind. Do you want her to, or not? You said you did, now she might be and you're getting snotty about it. If she has finally come around then just go with it and don't be bitchy about it, else you're liable to muck things up but good.

[Chrislydi]

Ok so I'm probably overreacting but i feel like I'm on the path to being cucked and I'm not going to even have a say in it.

.......

Has there been any developments in the last three weeks? Is she still leaving her phone lying around for you to read or have things really moved on? Hoping all is better for you now or at least no worse.

Chris.

[Chrislydi]

Almost a month since you last posted any developments?

Chris

[Brute]

shesmypornstar, how are you doing? How is the family?

[Chrislydi]

I never thought this was as simple as make up your mind,, yes or no, she was being secretive and absolutely unnecessarily so too considering his long term support for the idea. While outward support is essential she brought the more mixed messages upon herself by not being honest which is an essential requirement of any marriage. Lack of honesty and deceit are rarely a recipe for success. I hope there's been more honesty going forward.

Chris

[shesmypornstar]

Back after a little time away, partially due to being very busy over the past month, but also because I wanted to refocus my mind and break the cycle of consistently thinking about this. The updates that I have aren't anything crazy, but they at least explain what was going on about a month ago.

To my knowledge, no lines were ever crossed between the two of them, not physically, not even through text. However, it is clear to me that she was laying the groundwork and going out of her way to show interest. How do i know this? I was able to read her texts and what was there had intention, but there was nothing there that you could call "a smoking gun". I also know that the intention was there because after our talks a month ago, they stopped texting each other. For a sense of perspective the texts almost always originated from her, but he would take the bait and find reasons to keep conversation going. I do find it interesting that now that she isn't initiating conversation with him, he now texts me more often to set things up. And I don't say this is interesting because I see him putting in effort, but rather hes directing the communication to me and not her.

So its been a rather quiet month with a lot of this cooling down. I'll admit that its even been a bit boring, having a sense of comfort, no excitement of something possibly going on. But the last week has been a bit more interesting. We've seen him in a group setting twice and she has definitely gone out of her way to be near him and flirt with him in public. I've sat back and enjoyed what little activity there is to watch, but hadn't thought too much about it until yesterday.

Saturday we were out of town with old friends and she got really drunk which she rarely does, but it certainly opens her up. We're back at the hotel room and we're about to fuck when she says "maybe I'll just think of you tonight and see if that makes me cum" My response to her was "I thought you stopped thinking about other guys when we have sex" to which she responded "you're stupid, I think of K or J almost every time". I ask her who she'd rather fuck and her very quick response was "J" which is the neighbor. So she jumps on my dick and rides for a good 10 mins or so before telling me my dick just doesn't do it for her anymore. Then she puts her head down, closes her eyes and you can see her focus as she starts riding again and goes for 5 mins or so before cumming then rolls over on her back to exclaim "that was good". I ask her if she was able to do that thinking of me and she quickly tells me that it was the neighbor. So now its my turn and I go to town and she moans but doesn't say a thing, no teasing, nothing like that.

Yesterday we're driving home like nothing happened and I start to jokingly remind her about everything she said but she claims not to remember any of it. I told her that she said she thinks of K or J every time we fuck to which she responded with a laugh and says "no I didn't, thats so mean". Then she goes to defend it all by saying that she was just teasing me to make me cum quickly. We left the conversation at that but I know better. First, she hasn't teased, hinted or anything over the past month. Whenever she's teased in the past while we're having sex its never when shes on top and trying to cum, its always when I'm on top and trying to cum. And I do regularly see her focus and go to another place mentally when we have sex in an effort to get herself to cum. So I'm left thinking that Saturday's outburst was a lot of truth coming out with the help of her drunkeness. To which I'll say I'm not upset or disappointed at all. Its still quite hot to think about

[guitarman]

In vino veritas.

[Chrislydi]

Agree you've heard the truth but it's also quite hot to think that's the only way she can get herself off. Maybe take advantage of it?

Chris