wife interested in other guy

[Bi+Gigh]

I'll probably say something wrong that people will object to, but I disagree with you FNQLivin. Conor and my wife have developed a relationship which I said when they started I was supportive of. I cannot fairly say to my wife I don't care what Conor thinks, you and I need to decide. I'm not going to ignore her wishes and what she might want out of this.
And he has never said I want exclusivity with my wife. All he has said was he's never shared a girl with someone. He has never said I'm NOT sharing G with me.
To respect what my wife wants, I/we need to have a conversation among the 3 of us to see if there is something possible here.

[FNQLivin]

I'll probably say something wrong that people will object to, but I disagree with you FNQLivin. Conor and my wife have developed a relationship which I said when they started I was supportive of. I cannot fairly say to my wife I don't care what Conor thinks, you and I need to decide. I'm not going to ignore her wishes and what she might want out of this.
And he has never said I want exclusivity with my wife. All he has said was he's never shared a girl with someone. He has never said I'm NOT sharing G with me.
To respect what my wife wants, I/we need to have a conversation among the 3 of us to see if there is something possible here.

He asked you not to have sex with your wife whilst he was away. You said no, your wife got angry and they both stormed off. Why would he not want you to have sex with your wife until after he gets back? And then what?

You absolutely do not have to care about him. He is an outsider coming into your relationship with your wife and is setting boundaries for you. You and your wife need to sit down and discuss how that impacts your relationship and what you are both comfortable with.

He also entered into a relationship with your wife knowing she is married to you. He doesn't get to now say he doesn't like to share.

[nekkedoutdoors]

I'll probably say something wrong that people will object to, but I disagree with you FNQLivin. Conor and my wife have developed a relationship which I said when they started I was supportive of. I cannot fairly say to my wife I don't care what Conor thinks, you and I need to decide. I'm not going to ignore her wishes and what she might want out of this.
And he has never said I want exclusivity with my wife. All he has said was he's never shared a girl with someone. He has never said I'm NOT sharing G with me.
To respect what my wife wants, I/we need to have a conversation among the 3 of us to see if there is something possible here.

None of us know what the 3 of you truly want out of this. You are choosing right now to not communicate with your wife and let the chips fall where fall. Fine. That is your choice and one you will thrive in happily as a submissive cuckold or come to deeply regret if things should go bad. It is important that all 3 of you talk, just remember, the two of them had no qualms about discussing things without you present. When the 3 of you talk he will take charge as the alpha, he will set the parameters of your relationship with your wife. It is kinda important that you talk with your wife prior so the two of you can set yours and her limits and boundaries. It will help greatly when the 3 of you get together and Connor has suggestions you're not comfortable with. Your wife will be aware of this and can possible help reign him in a bit.

But honestly, you are going to sit back a let it all play out. We all know it. I personally am looking forward to your continued updates and I am honestly hoping everything works out for the 3 of you. I truly wish you the Best of luck.

[Chrislydi]

I went into this arrangement not wanting the dynamics of the relationships to change. Obviously once I do him, they will change. Does anyone have any idea how, though? What should I expect going forward

There's a lot of speculating going on here by a few posters who seem to know you and G intimately (which we know is not the case)

It's Conor who is the unknown, it's him whose intentions are taken on trust and who shouldn't be able to drive things without the cooperation of all three. As long as that's not the case, and he's just kept as an outsider who's contributing without deciding the direction or setting arbitrary conditions, then it's good for everyone. Talking and agreeing some boundaries between the two of them without him present seems a sensible prerequisite to me.

Chris.

[Bi+Gigh]

So I tried to talk to G last night about all that’s happening. In all honesty I was not encouraged by our conversation. And I get the feeling that she and Conor have already discussed what they/he wants. G keeps saying to wait until Sunday when Conor is back and we can all sit down and talk. But I’m not an idiot and I think I can see where this is going. I told her I didn’t want to get cut off from having sex with her and G repeated what I had told her earlier this week when I said I would live with whatever she (and he) decide regarding my sexual involvement/activity. I did say that, obviously now regretting it.
She later tried to reassure me that everything will be fine, she’s not counting on Conor to be around forever and she just wants to enjoy the experience (the sex) for a while. She talked about having Nick (college roommate) in our lives for a while and how much we both enjoyed that and why can’t we enjoy this with Conor for a time. She reminded me how much I loved watching Nick fuck her, and I did. I’d like to watch her and Conor fucking too. I think a lot of us understand why that’s so hot. But I never thought that Nick was a threat to our relationship or that he was taking control. I am fine with being submissive to an alpha, especially a hot one, but I don’t want my marriage to end. So if I knew somehow that he wasn’t interested in busting up the marriage and this was not a long term thing for him, I’d feel a lot more comfortable and probably enjoy it more.

[Chrislydi]

There was a lot of speculating without knowing from myself but it's out of concern and only taken on what is written here. If people try to rubbish opinions or warning posts on this forum you will see them dry up and everyone support whatever the case. The recent examples of threads on this forum show how warnings dry up when posters are attacked, even when the thread ends with predictable divorce the cheerleaders still cheer - The content is only a warning not a prediction as there's no way we know Conor any better from the little on here, but to me he just stood out as the unknown and by some way the weakest link.

Chris

[Bi+Gigh]

There was a lot of speculating without knowing from myself but it's out of concern and only taken on what is written here. If people try to rubbish opinions or warning posts on this forum you will see them dry up and everyone support whatever the case. The recent examples of threads on this forum show how warnings dry up when posters are attacked, even when the thread ends with predictable divorce the cheerleaders still cheer - The content is only a warning not a prediction as there's no way we know Conor any better from the little on here, but to me he just stood out as the unknown and by some way the weakest link.

Chris

Thanks as always, Chris.
If we're saying the same thing, Conor is the unknown to me too. I don't know what his intentions are and what he wants to get from this. The time I have spent with him, I have enjoyed. But the variable could be my sexuality and that I find him to really good looking, He is a definite alpha, dominate guy and maybe I find that attractive. But I have to know his intentions. When we talk on sunday and I ask him for his honesty and he says he plans to be with G, and G wants to go there too, I'll know what I have to do.

[Chrislydi]

Yes there's no point in prejudging it, but from Connor's point of view it makes sense to be initially reassuring and avoid upsetting the applecart. To come in strong and extremely possessive from the off would be a stupid and senseless move. I would expect him to be far more conciliatory to you and the dynamic whatever his long term intentions.

Ok this is over dramatic and not meant to be taken as some sort of master strategy but he may think lose the first battle but win the war. So I'd be very surprised if you're cut off straight from the off, but it'll be a creeping gradual process taken forward only at a far slower pace.

There's no way at this moment there's any danger whatsoever from your own discussions, it's just that was never really even postulated, so even if his 'strategy' isn't what's wanted it still has to be a long term one to gain any emotional hold anywhere near sufficient to manufacture such a breakup.

Chris

[Marinecuckplease]

I hope your right and he is a great guy just wanting to be fucked. There could be another solution too.... find conner competition. Make g even more desireable. To conner and you but she will have the same flaghtery that conner gave her. I have seen it in quite a few threads where adding bulls keeps emotions in check. Just another option.

But whatever your thinking. On sunday if you say something you have to stick to your guns. No matter what. If you go back on your word again nobody in the room will respect you the same. They dont see the seriousness of the situatuon. Maybe conner but not g. You need to walk softly and carry a big stick on sunday. Be calm. Remember your not pleading to conner your pleading to g. Females usually dont think logically they think emotionally. No offense to any females out there. But their minds aredifferent than ours. If we react the way we think it will go nowheres. You need to know her game plan. Maybe small talk about vonner on occasion. Seem excited too. But you need to keep your eye on the target. There is only 1 g. There are plenty of other alpha male who are into exactly what the 2 of you were looking for in the first place. And they wont try to destroy your marriage.

[Carlbiinchicago]

This thread really hits close to home. Also bi and wife has had a boyfriend. It seems to be ending but she cut me off.

[Bi+Gigh]

This thread really hits close to home. Also bi and wife has had a boyfriend. It seems to be ending but she cut me off.

What was your relationship like with her boyfriend? Did he want her to cut you off?

[proudhusb217]

Being submissive does not mean that you are weak. I see no reason to believe you have any less internal fortitude than G or Conor. I know you find him attractive, but don't put him on a pedestal.

Submissive is a role you play in a kink situation, and it ought to be fun for everyone. If anything, by putting yourself in a vulnerable role, your feelings about the situation should be given special consideration.

You certainly owe it to your wife and to yourself to let her know if she is in danger of crossing lines that you will not accept in a marriage.

I also think you should read up on BDSM and find out how people in that community navigate issues of consent. People in ethical kink relationships go to great lengths to ensure consent from everyone involved. Don't let anyone manipulate you into something you don't want.

[Carlbiinchicago]

This thread really hits close to home. Also bi and wife has had a boyfriend. It seems to be ending but she cut me off.

What was your relationship like with her boyfriend? Did he want her to cut you off?

He lives in another state and frankly we hate each other. He definitely has convinced her to cut me off and not even talk to me

[gordon921]

Hi Bi+Gigh,

Well it’s the big day tomorrow and I would like to give you some things to think about, you can take them or leave them. Although not in a cuckold relationship, I have been a member of this forum since 2015 and read many stories of couples in situations like yours, so this is more of a precautionary bit of advice. Some I will repeat what I said previously. I would add some couples make it through, but the majority don’t, you don’t get much details as when it goes tits up the guys just stop posting.

Tomorrow when the three of you sit down to talk, I hope you realise it is going to be 2 against 1 and I’m afraid you are the 1. Your wife and you are not approaching this from a mutual goal of pleasing each other, it seems to have become one-sided. She has already sided with Conor against you, a major red flag in my book, she should be protecting you as you would her and she should be taking Conor out of the equation to address these things directly with you. Conor is outside to your marriage.

I think you also have to sit down and decide what your RED LINES are and you have to stick to them, forget being submissive, this is about being strong and you are going to need it. Another red flag on my part is your wife refusing to talk to you about what is going to be said tomorrow, she knows as her and Conor would of discussed it and agreed, you only grain of hope is if she added if you agree, but I doubt she would say that.

Your wife is in what is commonly known as the fog (in an affair), everything look rosy and dandy and she cannot think logically about the two of you, her focus is on Conor and I’m afraid sometimes the only way to get someone out of the fog is to not be scared to end your marriage, i.e. threaten and go through with divorce proceeding (you can stop a divorce at any time). Not sure where I read about it it may have been on here but a guy heard his wife’s bull totally degrading him and she never defended him, he got all his ducks in a row to divorce her, met them in the foyer of a hotel and the guy again called him all sorts of names and again his wife remained silent, he ended up being charged and later paying a fine for beating the guy up, him and his wife got home and he gave her the divorce papers. She went into melt down, not realising what she had done and allowed to happen, they are still married but after a break are looking to enter the LS again, but very much stronger.

From how you describe Conor he is going to cut you off from being intimate with your wife, mark my words, don’t even think you will get a sympathy hand job off her. If you’re happy with this then fine, but to me this would be a red line and the wife would have to make a choice and leading to Conor exiting, the other to divorce.

I don’t think your relationship was in a strong position (from what your have said) to embark on this, your wife should be saying no, this is between my husband and me, Conor, you are just the cock I fuck and you will not dictate how my relationship will be between my husband and I.

Oh one last things words are cheap, I would treat everything coming out of your wife’s mouth with caution from now on, actions speak far louder than words, until hopefully you can build up your relationship again. Of course she is going to say she loves you, doesn’t want to break up etc, until the day, minute, second, then it all changes.

I wish you all the best guy, get those red lines in place and be strong, look them both in the eye when talking making sure they know you mean every word. If you wife throws a strop get up and walk out saying, when you calm down and can be rational again we can continue talking.

Keep posting and fingers crossed for you.

One last think, don't think there has been any insight from the ladies on this forum, which I find strange....

[Chrislydi]

None of this is certain and none of it is definitely correct, it's not a prediction but what might happen and how to react if it does. The red flag for me was the constant deferral to Conor, as in wait until he discusses it with you when we all sit down together. This definitely does seem to point to some preparatory discussion between the two of them although apparently she would have none with you.

I had previously thought it unlikely you would be cut off straight from the off, but this constant deferring of any conversation to set limits does shout out a real and obvious warning and you can't really rule it out. Perhaps in return for you being allowed to watch or, since you fancy him, possible limited interaction with him, but we know he's not at all keen.

I know the cheerleaders might hate any warning posts such as gordon921's but it would only be sensible to not always look on the brighter side of life if there are clear red flags posted.

[mundyman]

I went into this arrangement not wanting the dynamics of the relationships to change. Obviously once I do him, they will change. Does anyone have any idea how, though? What should I expect going forward

There are two people who have the power to say how this goes, YOU and G! Conner is a third wheel unless G decides other wise and you accept it. For him to have the power to direct where this goes, you and G have to let him have it. If you and G are solid, then it goes where the two of you let it go. If she sides with Conner it will go where the two of them want it to go. The question is really "Where does G's loyalty lay?" Nobody here can definitively determine that, only you and G!

There's a lot of speculating going on here by a few posters who seem to know you and G intimately (which we know is not the case) and oddly enough, it is the same few who seem to have an intimate knowledge of a couple of other posters on here and are making the same kind of speculative suggestions on their threads.

I'm not calling anybody out, I'm just pointing out that any advice you get from this forum should be tempered with the knowledge that nobody here knows you and your wife as well as you do and you need to keep that in mind when reading these posts. Lots of "I feel" and "I think" comments, but no one here other than you is at ground zero!

For the people in the back,
PLEASE READ THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AGAIN BI!!

[Bi+Gigh]

Just a quick update. G and I have been at the beach since friday. After many walks on the beach, we're at an ok place. I feel like a husband again. We decided that we agree to only the things that we BOTH want. We went through every possible scenario that he could propose and came up with what would be acceptable. She promised me she has no idea what he wants and hasn't been that worried about it knowing we don't need to do anything we didn't want. I told her that I was worried that he was trying to get her for himself. She actually laughed and said she's not throwing away a 10 year relationship and a marriage for a guy she's known for 2 months and who may not even be here in 6 months. She said again the sex was amazing and she really likes him but can't picture a future with him. It was finally a decent conversation.
So I think we'll get through this ok. I'm fine with giving up some things but we'll know what they are later today. G actually wanted to have sex last night but I didn't want to risk Conor finding out. I'll let you know how the conversation goes with him.

[gordon921]

Well that's one good thing Bi, hopefully it pans out okay later, fingers crossed. Hopefully she is telling the truth

[Marinecuckplease]

That sounds promising. I hope the best for everyone. Just keep your gaurd up because if conner wants he can attempt to sway g into something she truley doesnt want or accept. Ask the why question alot , like a little kid and make him explain himself. If your conversations are as good as you say with g then she is at least seeing your points and not defaulting to conners requests. So if he gets mad g should at least defend you for just trying to understand his wants and desires. And simply expresswhat you want. Say your hor as fuck to me but my relationship with my wife is way more important than lust. I want her to be happy but theres more tgan one way to skin a cat. Tell him theres better fucks than him. You just havent found them yet

[Christinebitg]

I want to comment on the numerical value she ascribed to the sex she has with him. (A 12 on the scale of one to 10.)

This suggests to me she's deep into New Relationship Energy. (NRE) The poly people are usually clear on how NRE works. People like her may not be. One of the key points is that NRE eventually fades.

She said she wants the two of you to always be together. And I'm sure that's her accurate feelings about it, both now and foreseeably into the future.

Him, I'm not so sure about in that regard. I'm reading between the lines here, but my sense is that he would be perfectly fine with pushing you out of her life.

I say that partly because he's so intent on competing and winning. AND because nowhere in that did he say he wants to respect your relationship with her. He never put in that disclaimer about not wanting to break up your marriage, or that he respects the emotional attachment that the two of you have.

I don't trust him, and I have a sense that he's bad news for her. He'll break her heart, by insisting (a few months from now) that she choose him over you, and become his alone. Whether or not she'll make that choice for him, I can't say.

[Chrislydi]

Everything about that update seemed ultra positive and just that extra bit of reassurance and commitment that's needed. The thing that stood out for me was her saying she's no idea what he wants and hasn't been that worried about it knowing we don't need to do anything we didn't want. That points to no pre-planning between them and means you can be far more confident that the security of your far longer established relationship is not under any immediate threat. Now you know nothing goes ahead until you two both agree on it, you really are in a far better position going into the talks. I know you find him very attractive but still don't be reckless, think with your head too.

I've read Christinebitg's post above and am exactly on the same page, I don't trust him but recognise the NRE factor right now is huge and won't last. I'm very suspicious of his long term motives and ambition. I originally postulated he might take a lose the battle but win the war position, so be conciliatory and reassuring initially at the upcoming talks, and it looks as though he has little choice on that score, but not so long term, that's why you need to keep using your big head and not so much your smaller one.

That update though to me was nothing but very positive indeed!!!!

Chris

[gordon921]

Sorry Bi, did not have much time with my first response and Christinebitg and Chrislydi has said most of what I was thinking.

I still have some reservations, did she ever explain her actions from here "I didn’t want to come across as too submissive to him so I said I couldn’t make that promise, that she’s my wife and that’s something important between married couples. I wasn’t expecting, but should have, my wife to get mad at me for not agreeing to it since she finds me giving a bj to be incredibly hot. So she and Conor stormed off to the bedroom with her slamming the door. " That clearly was something you did not want to do and instead of G backing you as your recent discussions, she went against you.

Like the others, please think with the brain in your head and not the one down below, hopefully through your discussions you have in your mind the red lines you need, for heaven sake do not cross them, not matter what the carrot in front of you looks like and don't fold to intimidation.

Good luck chap I'm rooting for you.

[mundyman]

Great News! Thanks for sharing the summary of your conversations with your wife. You both seemed to handle it in a mature way and hopefully the discussions came from places of honesty.
That said, hopefully G doesn’t change when she gets her fuck eyes on when Conor is around since she will be all horny b/c she hasn’t AP had a fuck since last week.
Hopefully she stays strong, and if she doesn’t, you can step in and refocus things.
If Conor walks there are other dudes around who will fill in for him and check both of your boxes.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.

Please accept my apologies for responding prematurely to this April 27th post. Obviously this has spiraled a long ways down the Cuckold rabbit hole since then. Editing my post accordingly.

I am glad that you are defining what you are not willing to tolerate, and that your wife is saying she will support your position. I hope the conversation with Conor goes well.

Mr GILF

[Bi+Gigh]

And we've talked about the cuckolding thing. She's not interested in making me a cuck and I'm not really interested in being one. She sees a guy she wants to fuck and they do it. I'm not feeling like it's a control thing or anything.

You may want to consider asking one of the two moderators to move your thread to the Hotwife Forum. You will find a lot more encouragement and support there for the way you three are enjoying this exciting new adventure in your lives.

Mr GILF

Thanks for the message. I only wrote that a couple of weeks ago and it feels like ancient history. Since my wife has taken up a boyfriend and having regular sex, haven't I now been cucked? And why would this thread be better in the Hotwife forum? I'm just not completely familiar with the terms. Thanks.