Another man loves my wife

[lovesexfun]

Hello...I'm fairly new to all of this but found this site and decided to post my situation here.

My wife and I have been married 32 years (I'm 56, she is 52). Last year a good friend of ours went though a divorce when his wife left him. We let him hang around with us (dinners, outings, visits in our home etc) just to be a good friend to him.
After a while I could tell he was enjoying being around my wife more than just as a friend. A husband can just tell when another man is hot for his wife. I guess I am a bit of a cuckold because I actually enjoyed seeing him around my wife, sometimes ignoring me and focusing on her. I didn't blame him, my wife is a petite blonde, pretty and a great personality. But she is a bit naïve and didn't really notice our friend's behavior being anything but "friendly"

So over a few months it became more obvious to me that he was falling for my wife. I admit I actually encouraged it. I would suggest to her that she meet him alone for lunch, that he needed female companionship since he lived alone. I also gave him obvious signals that I was ok with him being with my wife. He began texting, calling her every day, and she responded in kind.

Finally one day about 2 months ago they were our together on a lunch date, and he admitted to her that he was in love with her. My wife was surprised and didn't see it coming. Kind of shook her up for a few days, but I kept reassuring her that I was ok and our friend needed the emotional support from her, so she has continued to see him.

So far it has not turned sexual between them but I feel it is getting very close to that point. I know he would in a minute if my wife and I offered to let him. I have fantasized about this kind of poly relationship with another man for a long time, now it looks like it might happen. I actually enjoy seeing him interact with my wife and can tell he actually does love her emotionally. I've thought of ways to push my wife into being with him in bed, taking the relationship with him to the next level, but I don't want to push her too far too quickly, but I'm confident that it will happen at some point.

I posted this here mainly to get some feedback. As I said I'm fairly new to this lifestyle but I love the intensity of it. I truly have never been upset to know that another man is actually in love with my wife. In fact it's a huge turn on for me to share my wife with him so intimately.

Thanks for any feedback!

Mark

Hi
Sharing a wife is always the most intimate thing in sexual experience. I am also a wannbee cuck and searching for a Bull for my wife and we are really new into this like not even a month so i am no one in term of giving advice as i am yet to again an experience but I can tell one thing that let it happen how it wants to and enjoy it as much as you can because nothing remains permanent. Thanks

Hello...Thank you for writing...
That has been what I have learned in the now almost 5 years that my wife and I have been sharing our bed (figuratively and literally) with another man. Things that are so intimate and emotionally complex must be allowed to take the time to develop naturally. Otherwise it can be very short-lived and negative. Patience truly is a virtue in this lifestyle.

Mark

I agree patience is virtue in every stage of life....like we are seeking for her 1st bull patiently and yet no luck but we are assure it will be awesome when it happens and we can feel it happening.

[pasadena95]

Hello Mark. Can you bring us up to date? How is the relationship proceeding between Juli and Brian? How often are they meeting and has your role changed?

[co-husband]

Hello Mark. Can you bring us up to date? How is the relationship proceeding between Juli and Brian? How often are they meeting and has your role changed?

The holidays have impacted the frequency of their meetings, but will pick up again in January. The relationship between them has deepened especially during the last 6 months. Meetings are more regular now, and more time spent together during each meet. All take place at Brian's house, I remain home and work while Juli is with him.

She is more open with me now about how much she enjoys being with him. The physical sex is admittedly good between them, and she now admits to me that there is a deepened emotional bond with Brian. This is no surprise to me, and probably not to Brian. In February it will have been 5 years since the first night that they spent together in the hotel room in Chicago on Valentines Day, 2015. So it was inevitable that a deeper bonding take place. Juli was the one who at first eschewed the idea of an emotional relationship with Brian, even calling Brian's personality "too quirky" to be attractive to her. But now after years of sharing sexual intimacy with him, he is more attractive to her. As I said, Brian and I both have seen it for a while, Juli is just now allowing herself to admit her feelings.

As for my role....Our marriage remains solid and Juli and I are as committed to each other as ever. But in the bedroom our marriage sex is reduced in frequency to once, sometimes twice a week and are more "quickies" than prolonged sessions. This is in large part due to my own aging, some physical issues and frankly reduced desire for sex. So I do not feel badly about the changes in our own sex life. And thanks to Brian, I feel less pressure to provide sexually for Juli. And I honestly am thankful that Brian is able to do so. She has her orgasms with him and I am happy that she is receiving that level of satisfaction from him.

So I expect 2020 to be more of a transitional year with Brian being with Juli more frequently. Even once a week or more.

Thank you for letting me be this honest and open about a very personal and private topic. This is what I have appreciated about this forum all along. It's a place that I've been able to share my experiences, thoughts and feelings, which I could not share anywhere else.

Mark

[D+D]

Thanks for the update mark. I don't think that any of us who have been following you since the beginning are surprised by the evolution of juli and Brian's relationship. Sounds like the coming year may even see a ramp up of their relationship. Are you feeling more like a co-husband now?

[co-husband]

Thanks for the update mark. I don't think that any of us who have been following you since the beginning are surprised by the evolution of juli and Brian's relationship. Sounds like the coming year may even see a ramp up of their relationship. Are you feeling more like a co-husband now?

Thanks D+D.....Yes it has been a transitional time this past year especially. Juli is emotionally past the point of return and that's not a negative in my mind. She is still very committed to me and I to her. So our marital relationship is too deep and long-term to be affected. The changes have been in the bedroom, and as I mentioned in my previous reply, I personally have gone through changes which frankly have reduced my sex drive. I'm not concerned about this. Brian's sexual / emotional bond with Juli was inevitable given how much sex they have had with each other for years, and I can honestly say that I welcome that.

Juli and I do still enjoy sex but it's just less frequently. I think it's hard for me to explain here where testosterone seems to (understandably) rage, so some men here may not understand how I can feel okay with less sex, but it really is true. It's actually been a positive at this point in my life.
I do still get turned on by sharing my wife sexually, and for us it's been best to have one man to do that with. I know it's allowed Juli to submit her natural feminine desires to a more capable sex partner like Brian.

So yes I suppose I do feel much like a co-husband. In a rather limited way though. Sex I know is one of the most intimate acts that a husband and wife can share, but it is limited in scope when compared to the emotional bond that a husband and wife develop over many years of marriage. So if Brian shares a sexual / emotional bond with Juli, that is okay and natural. I'm just glad that all three of us can now admit the reality of their deepened relationship.

Mark

[pasadena95]

Thanks for your well-written and honest response. Is Brian still in a romantic or emotional relationship with a woman besides your wife? If so, how does that impact Juli and Brian's relationship?

[co-husband]

Thanks for your well-written and honest response. Is Brian still in a romantic or emotional relationship with a woman besides your wife? If so, how does that impact Juli and Brian's relationship?

No, Brian is no longer dating or in a relationship with the woman that he was seeing last year. That's another reason that Juli has been more willing to meet with him more often. We did have a conversation a few months ago, and I made the point that most men will not go very long without consistent sex, and we can't expect Brian to continue to be happy with sex once ever other week. Juli couldn't argue with my reasoning and she obviously considered my point. And it was since then that she has been more amenable to meeting him more often for sex. So I do think their frequency will pick-up starting in January.

Mark

[bubbajack]

It seems that there is little or no relevance in your feelings of a useless alpha/beta ordering of the relations between you and Brian, as things continue rolling along among the three of you.

To me that seems to be some evidence of the definitively advanced potential of the human part of the brain over its other inherited parts - primate, canine, lizard &c.

I for one welcome any such evidence receiving explicit public expression.

Thank you, and Brian, and mostly Juli.

[co-husband]

It seems that there is little or no relevance in your feelings of a useless alpha/beta ordering of the relations between you and Brian, as things continue rolling along among the three of you.

To me that seems to be some evidence of the definitively advanced potential of the human part of the brain over its other inherited parts - primate, canine, lizard &c.

I for one welcome any such evidence receiving explicit public expression.

Thank you, and Brian, and mostly Juli.

Thank you BubbaJack....
If I understand your observation correctly, that our relation with Brian has grown beyond the baser instincts of him as an Alpha and myself as a beta male, to a more intellectual acceptance of his relationship with my wife (am I close on this?), then yes I agree. It is no longer just a matter of another man having sex with my wife, and the sexual arousal that typically comes from that dynamic, to now a friend who has his own intimate (sexual and emotional) relationship with my wife. My absence from THEIR bedroom I think tells the true depth of the relationship with him.

So far, he has been able to continue the fine line between being a lover but not a husband to her. I hope this balance can continue for much longer.

Mark

[Long Lurker 34]

Mark

I understand the bedroom situation between Juli and Brian and how it appears they will be becoming together more frequently. I have to admit, with all the threads I drop into, I have forgotten, do they go on dates as well?

If they do, what are your thoughts on this?

Foamer44

[co-husband]

Mark

I understand the bedroom situation between Juli and Brian and how it appears they will be becoming together more frequently. I have to admit, with all the threads I drop into, I have forgotten, do they go on dates as well?

If they do, what are your thoughts on this?

Foamer44

Hi Foamer,

They did used to go out together for lunch at times, but this was early in the relationship. During one of the lunches a friend of Juli happened to be in the same restaurant (this is an hour from our house) but she was recognized by this lady. So since then they have refrained from going out in public without me being with them.
But personally, I have no problem if they were to date.

Mark

[shall54]

Mark, I'm also glad to hear from you! Looks like things are progressing along the lines you thought they would. I guess it is natural for Juli to develop an emotional bond with Brian, but has she shared with you what her feeling are for Brian in detail (if that's even possible)? I'm curious about the dynamics of falling into romantic love with a person while in a romantic love relationship with another person...Is she ok with this, is she seeing any conflicts/issues that will need to be over come??

Your story has been and probably will continue to be my favorite. I wish you the best Mark, and I hope you three can continue your 'triad' relationship well into the future!! Happy 2020

Steve

[co-husband]

Mark, I'm also glad to hear from you! Looks like things are progressing along the lines you thought they would. I guess it is natural for Juli to develop an emotional bond with Brian, but has she shared with you what her feeling are for Brian in detail (if that's even possible)? I'm curious about the dynamics of falling into romantic love with a person while in a romantic love relationship with another person...Is she ok with this, is she seeing any conflicts/issues that will need to be over come??

Your story has been and probably will continue to be my favorite. I wish you the best Mark, and I hope you three can continue your 'triad' relationship well into the future!! Happy 2020

Steve

Hi Steve,

Juli resisted for a long time, admitting her deepening emotional bond with Brian. I could see it and I'm sure Brian knew too, long before Juli ever voiced it herself. She has within the last months, said aloud that she "loves Brian as an intimate friend", and hearing her say it in person was clear that she felt and meant it deeply. She also now admits that in bed, their sexual relationship is "passionate" and as much "lovemaking" as what Juli and I experience together. So their bond has grown to the level that it can no longer be denied or downplayed. I can't recall if Juli has said these actual words, but I know she has at least implied that she would have great difficulty breaking up with Brian now if the situation were to change. This is why when I made the point that Brian as a typical male, will require frequent sex or might seek it with someone else, so Juli agreed to meet more often with him this next year.

You make a good point about the dynamics of being in a romantic relationship with two people at the same time. Juli is living in this realm now, and I see it working because there is still a definitive contrast between me and Brian. That is I am Juli's legal husband....Brian is her lover. That is enough of a difference that Juli can truly love me, and truly love Brian at the same time. Just slightly different types of love. Sex being the one common denominator between us.

Mark

[co-husband]

Has their sexual relationship caught up with and has perhaps surpassed/eclipsed the one you and she once shared? In other words, do they enjoy more variety, more kinks, more passion than you and Juli ever did?

Hi 38kewp,

It's hard, perhaps not possible to really compare the sex between me and Juli and the sex between Juli and Brian.
Juli and I have been sexually intimate for almost 40 years, and in the special relationship of marriage. We together experimented with many types of sex when we were young, and then of course we made babies together, raised a family etc...

So now Juli is in her late 50s, an empty-nester, and has Brian as a lover rather than a husband, so she is experiencing a different type of sex with him than what she and I have had in our relationship. Perhaps it's more "free" and relaxed now that she no longer has the responsibility of being a mother raising a family....she is more free to allow herself to explore her sexuality with someone new. I do not know all the details of what they do in bed together, but each man is different, and each couple is unique unto themselves. So what Juli and I have in bed together I suppose will naturally be different than what she and Brian have in bed together.

So I don't think I would say that their sex has surpassed / eclipsed our own passion....it's just different. So apples to oranges I suppose.

Mark

[pasadena95]

Interest in this story is consistently high. And I believe it is because this type of 3 way relationship is so difficult to establish, and especially maintain for a long period of time. Jealousy, envy, resentment and fear of loss are such strong emotions that even mature and inelligent people have difficulty coping with the consequences of something like this. So we listen to Mark because we hope to learn from his experience. Someday maybe Brian and Juli will contribute to the discussion but meanwhile, we appreciate Mark's wise insights and observations. They are uplifting and give us hope for the future of rewarding, consensual non-monogamous relationships.

[co-husband]

Interest in this story is consistently high. And I believe it is because this type of 3 way relationship is so difficult to establish, and especially maintain for a long period of time. Jealousy, envy, resentment and fear of loss are such strong emotions that even mature and inelligent people have difficulty coping with the consequences of something like this. So we listen to Mark because we hope to learn from his experience. Someday maybe Brian and Juli will contribute to the discussion but meanwhile, we appreciate Mark's wise insights and observations. They are uplifting and give us hope for the future of rewarding, consensual non-monogamous relationships.

Thank you,

But I don't think I can take any credit because none of this was pre-planned, it has developed gradually over 5 years. And has had ups and downs throughout.
You make such a valid observation about the emotional mine field that can be lethal to this type of three-way relationship. Sex is such a deeply emotional part of the human interaction...there is a reason why monogamy is encouraged and promoted, because poly relationships do often end in disaster. And such a relationship takes a lot of patience. Quick gratification will not work in such a relationship and should not be expected.

I think that Juli and I perhaps are at an ideal time in our life for such a relationship with a third person. I am sure that we could not have done this in our 20s, 30s or even 40s. But now with so much of our lives lived as a couple, the bond between us is so strong that neither of us fear it being damaged by allowing another man into a physical relationship with Juli. The emotions that you so aptly mentioned, jealousy, envy, resentment and fear....are very real potential pitfalls in a polyamorous relationship, but because of the long history that Juli and I share, those emotions have less impact on us now.

With that said, there have been emotions that have had to be dealt with, but not in extreme. I think Brian and I have had a much easier time of it than Juli. Probably because he and I think first with our penis, but Juli has needed more time to accept her emotions and to allow herself the freedom to enjoy being both a committed wife to me, and also a lover to Brian.
I think Brian and I have also had to make certain adjustments to accommodate being sexually intimate with the same woman, and to share her love as well as her body, but our adjustments have been less intense than what Juli has had to deal with.

So each couple / lover situation is different, and it won't work for everyone. I do believe that thankfully, Juli, Brian and I seem to have happened upon a perfect storm scenario which has allowed us to enjoy a 3-way relationship for 5 years. And I don't want to minimize Brian's sacrifice through all of this. One might wonder what sacrifice a man makes who gets to have sex regularly with another man's wife....but after she is with him for an afternoon, she comes home to me. Brian has had to place his own desires on hold, for a committed relationship with other women. He has deemed an afternoon with Juli every-other week, to be worth being alone for the times between their meetings. His willingness to restrain his expressions of love for Juli (other than what he likely expresses to her in his bed, and I don't mean just sexually) shows his desire to keep the needed balance in our poly relationship, so that it can continue. So it really does take all three partners to make it work.

Mark

[Luv2watchher]

This thread has been a real eye-opener for me I want to thank all those who have contributed, and especially the author (Mark).

My wife spent much of 2019 with her first long-term lover, The relationship faded away in November. She had had other short-term lovers prior to him but he was the first one she spent more than three months with. I became intrigued by the emotional intimacy they shared, but never really understood it. After reading this thread I came to realize that, for us cuckolds, the emotional intimacy between one's wife and her lover can be as big a turn on as their physical intimacy.

We have been taking a bit of a break from extra-marital sex, I can't wait for my wife's next adventure to begin. I shall be examining the emotional connection with great interest.

[D+D]

Hoping for an update soon.

[mfmseeker1969]

I’m always hopeful for photos. She is sexy on many levels

[co-husband]

Hoping for an update soon.

Hi D+D....We are pretty much in a settled routine now, so not a lot of new information to report.
Juli now meets with Brian at his house one afternoon per week. Their sex continues to be very passionate and intimate. After she returns home I do always ask her the basic questions such as what positions and how her orgasm was. And Brian is no longer dating or attempting to date any other female. I think his once-a-week sex with my wife keeps him quite satisfied and he's not doing anything to jeopardize that.

Personally our marriage sex is also settled into a once-a-week routine on weekends. Due to health reasons (nothing serious) I am best able to perform sexually on a once-per-week schedule. So between me and Brian we seem to be keeping Juli very satisfied.

I think the most significant changes over the last 6 months is the weekly schedule for her to be with Brian, and also her being more open with me about how she feels about Brian. She now refers to him as her "boyfriend" whereas before she would not go beyond a "friend-with-benefits" label. But now they have an obvious emotional bond after 5 years of being sexual intimate together, that even Juli can no longer deny. So she enthusiastically calls Brian her "boyfriend", and of course he has all rights associated with that label.

The other significant development is that Brian has asked Juli to accompany him on a business trip the first of March. It's a 4 night trip to San Francisco and she is amenable to doing it. (Brian did talk to me first and asked if I would give my blessing which I did of course). So Juli is just trying to adjust her work schedule to go with Brian on his trip. That's all that is delaying her to confirm the trip.

So all is well and personally I feel very good about my wife having a boyfriend.

Mark

[BlueDuck]

Thanks for the update!

I have enjoyed following your story and learning from your experiences.

Thanks so much for sharing with us!

[D+D]

Hoping for an update soon.

Hi D+D....We are pretty much in a settled routine now, so not a lot of new information to report.
Juli now meets with Brian at his house one afternoon per week. Their sex continues to be very passionate and intimate. After she returns home I do always ask her the basic questions such as what positions and how her orgasm was. And Brian is no longer dating or attempting to date any other female. I think his once-a-week sex with my wife keeps him quite satisfied and he's not doing anything to jeopardize that.

Personally our marriage sex is also settled into a once-a-week routine on weekends. Due to health reasons (nothing serious) I am best able to perform sexually on a once-per-week schedule. So between me and Brian we seem to be keeping Juli very satisfied.

I think the most significant changes over the last 6 months is the weekly schedule for her to be with Brian, and also her being more open with me about how she feels about Brian. She now refers to him as her "boyfriend" whereas before she would not go beyond a "friend-with-benefits" label. But now they have an obvious emotional bond after 5 years of being sexual intimate together, that even Juli can no longer deny. So she enthusiastically calls Brian her "boyfriend", and of course he has all rights associated with that label.

The other significant development is that Brian has asked Juli to accompany him on a business trip the first of March. It's a 4 night trip to San Francisco and she is amenable to doing it. (Brian did talk to me first and asked if I would give my blessing which I did of course). So Juli is just trying to adjust her work schedule to go with Brian on his trip. That's all that is delaying her to confirm the trip.

So all is well and personally I feel very good about my wife having a boyfriend.

Mark

Thanks for the update Mark. It may seem rather bland to you, but it's really pretty exciting to many of us. It has been very nice to be allowed to see your and Julie's and Brian's journey develop into the well balanced relationship that it is now. Sounds perfect. I'm 68 and completely understand the once a week thing, if that much. I think it's awesome that you're on board for her to go to San Fran with him. She deserves the trip and he deserves some extended time with her. He's really a nice guy that obviously respects you and your marriage.

[Sexilexi]

Happy five years with Brian (as of last Friday)

Congrats

[nevertoolate]

Happy five years with Brian (as of last Friday)

Congrats

Thank you Lexi for remembering this for all of us. My best wishes to you as well.

It is very satisfying to continue to hear your three way relationship continues to mature and evolve into something ever more satisfying for all of you.

[Sexilexi]

So she enthusiastically calls Brian her "boyfriend", and of course he has all rights associated with that label.

(Brian did talk to me first and asked if I would give my blessing which I did of course).

So all is well and personally I feel very good about my wife having a boyfriend.

Mark

This. This is so amazing.

1) I’m so proud and happy for your wifey. That she has been able to truly open up with herself to allow her heart to share her feelings between two men. It’s so freeing when we can open up and unlock the potential of loving more than one. Of course she has realized that her love and devotion to each of y’all are so very different but so very satisfying. I’m happy for you guys. And for her!!

2) OMG. I’m so very beyond thrilled that Brian asked you first. Like, that simple gesture speaks huge volumes !!!! I truly hope she and him get to spend some time together on his biz trip.

Thanks for sharing and updating!