Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[marriedman50]

For those HWs whose husbands brought up the idea, what was your initial reaction? And if you weren't immediately onboard with the idea, what made you decide to do it in the end?

Also a lot of husbands here have told how they felt the first time, but I'd love to hear a HW describe their first experience.

[marriedman50]

Now, I know that she might never actually want to go any further and that might even be the most likely scenario, but I feel she's giving enough encouragement that I want to give it a try. I guess my question is whether I should keep pursuing this as bedroom talk or bring it up in the cold hard light of day? My worry is that if she really isn't into it she might lose some respect for me if I suggest this? How do I make her understand I want to do this because I love her so very much and not the other way round? And just to make things clear, I have zero interest in having sex with another woman; my wife is all I need but I want her to have this opportunity to live life to the fullest.

The menopause issues can almost always be addressed by a good doctor. If her present one doesn't want to help or doesn't know how, time to find a new one. There are good ones out there.
I'm a big believer in open , honest communication. If you can't talk to her, then it's time to work on that. Why do you think she would lose respect for you?
Is your trust in each other so bad that you can't talk about anything? It's pretty telling when you are afraid to talk to your own wife, the person you chose to spend your life with.
Those are the things to work on. And, yes, do it in the light of day. This isn't something to hide from each other, that just builds mistrust.

Thank you for the reply! We have good communication about pretty much everything, but she is quite reluctant to talk about sex and her desires (basically she says she doesn't have any fantasies). She has become much more open though since we started playing with toys, that has definitely broadened her views and extended the boundaries, so I feel we are improving. Why do I fear she might lose respect? I think for a lot of men whose wives are more traditional or conservative in their sexuality, there is this worry that the wife would view any suggestion to open up the marriage to other men as dirty or disrespectful, sullying the romantic ideal of marital sex. Also, since a man is supposed to be possessive and protective of his wife, allowing other men to have sex with her could be seen as showing that he either doesn't really care for her (or else he would be too jealous), or he has no self-respect (and so this might lead the wife to lose respect for him too). I know there's an answer to all of these - that it's not about losing respect or love, but the opposite that you want your wife to have the best of both worlds, and that there is a distinction between marital sex and sex for pleasure alone, but it's still a mental barrier to cross. If as a woman you're normally quite at ease talking about your sexual needs and desires, then a husband raising this idea might not be such a shock, but for a woman who is more reserved about such talk bringing it up in a normal conversation - as in outside the bedroom - will always be a bit of a shock I would think? But I do take your point about communication being key, and I am working on it. I guess like so many others I wonder how someone like my wife goes from being quite traditional in her views about sex to being open to a hotwife lifestyle, and what is the best way to help guide her there - with the full knowledge she might never get there?

I can understand, being a wife who is very conservative when talking (in the light of day) about sexual matters. I was raised that it's WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and it's a very sloooow process to undo some of that upbringing.

Would love to hear how it happened - what made you take the plunge finally?

[Trixkat]

again I'm asking why there are comments popping up in this thread that aren't titled "Ask a Hotwife Thread"????

[2inUPMichigan]

again I'm asking why there are comments popping up in this thread that aren't titled "Ask a Hotwife Thread"????

It looks like someone manually changed the subject when posting to this thread instead of leaving the original thread title.
Any replies to that post come up with the altered subject which is confusing.

[NXCUCK]

My ex wife with many years of coaxing about 30 years , finally decided to meet with a black gentleman with had selected on line . She was very happy , he was good looking , very long in the endowment dept. and had amazing stamina. For the most part we visited and hosted weekends , either a visit or would have him over for all nighters. From the first meetup I exhibited and showed her that I liked performing fellatio in him and doing cleanup as well as joint in. After about a year he moved on . She had taken a job in a small town bar and soon was meeting guys after she got off duty. She would bring me cream pies but would never bring anyone home . Is it really that difficult to find men willing to have sex with the husband present unless you’re swingers ? I would think it wouldn’t be that hard to say , yes I’m available, but my husband must approve and participate. I allowed her anyway , but she moved on . Oh well

[stonemtncouple]

For those wives that have had a hysterectomy my question is how did it effect your sex lives afterward?

Part two:
I read many posts about clitoral orgasms, g spot orgasms even cervical orgasms. How did removal of your cervix effect your orgasms?
Thank you so much for your replies.

[hwsassysouth]

For those wives that have had a hysterectomy my question is how did it effect your sex lives afterward?

Part two:
I read many posts about clitoral orgasms, g spot orgasms even cervical orgasms. How did removal of your cervix effect your orgasms?
Thank you so much for your replies.

Excellent questions.... following

[hwsassysouth]

My ex wife with many years of coaxing about 30 years , finally decided to meet with a black gentleman with had selected on line . She was very happy , he was good looking , very long in the endowment dept. and had amazing stamina. For the most part we visited and hosted weekends , either a visit or would have him over for all nighters. From the first meetup I exhibited and showed her that I liked performing fellatio in him and doing cleanup as well as joint in. After about a year he moved on . She had taken a job in a small town bar and soon was meeting guys after she got off duty. She would bring me cream pies but would never bring anyone home . Is it really that difficult to find men willing to have sex with the husband present unless you’re swingers ? I would think it wouldn’t be that hard to say , yes I’m available, but my husband must approve and participate. I allowed her anyway , but she moved on . Oh well

It’s been difficult for me, unless you meet through a site geared for swingers/nonmonogamy/fetishes. But just meeting a guy in a bar or casual contact yes, it’s difficult.

[NCALBULL]

Hi all.....really interesting and helpful content in this thread. I'm curious....

First off, I'm married. That said, for a variety of reasons my wife and I have stopped having sex. It's not all on her, it's not all on me, that's just the way it has worked out. We have a pretty great working relationship at home. Anyhow, she basically told me "I don't care if you get some on your own but a)I don't want to know about it and b) Don't ever embarrass me or the kids"

Trickier than it seems actually especially since it is only fair that I respect those boundaries. I go out to bars from time to time. I'm 50 but look much younger. Women (mostly in the 30-45 range)approach me fairly often, or even more often I'll catch an "eye fucking" and being just a man, can't help but engaging. It's frustrating because I'm not going to risk a one night stand locally.....I could see that person at the grocery store,a kids sporting event, or we could have mutual friends. Also, most of the single woman in that age range are looking for a boyfriend/partner and I can't be that guy for them. I travel for work and had some encounters on the road but frankly I find that whole one-night thing pretty unsatisfying because I like the idea of finding a partner that can explore with me. Bit of a catch-22.

Also, I've always been really dominant in my sexual relationships which is hard to manifest in a short fling.

A friend who had been in the lifestyle suggested I look into, so here I am kinda poking around (see what I did there?)

I guess the question is, is there a place for me and my level of emotional and physical availability? Does the whole being married thing throw a HW off? If you think it's a good option how does one meet a potential partner with a certain level of discretion?

Thanks in advance!

[2inUPMichigan]

Hi all.....really interesting and helpful content in this thread. I'm curious....

First off, I'm married. That said, for a variety of reasons my wife and I have stopped having sex. It's not all on her, it's not all on me, that's just the way it has worked out. We have a pretty great working relationship at home. Anyhow, she basically told me "I don't care if you get some on your own but a)I don't want to know about it and b) Don't ever embarrass me or the kids"

Trickier than it seems actually especially since it is only fair that I respect those boundaries. I go out to bars from time to time. I'm 50 but look much younger. Women (mostly in the 30-45 range)approach me fairly often, or even more often I'll catch an "eye fucking" and being just a man, can't help but engaging. It's frustrating because I'm not going to risk a one night stand locally.....I could see that person at the grocery store,a kids sporting event, or we could have mutual friends. Also, most of the single woman in that age range are looking for a boyfriend/partner and I can't be that guy for them. I travel for work and had some encounters on the road but frankly I find that whole one-night thing pretty unsatisfying because I like the idea of finding a partner that can explore with me. Bit of a catch-22.

Also, I've always been really dominant in my sexual relationships which is hard to manifest in a short fling.

A friend who had been in the lifestyle suggested I look into, so here I am kinda poking around (see what I did there?)

I guess the question is, is there a place for me and my level of emotional and physical availability? Does the whole being married thing throw a HW off? If you think it's a good option how does one meet a potential partner with a certain level of discretion?

Thanks in advance!

It depends on the HW if you being married would be a dealbreaker or not. The glitch for some would be a that you have permission to play but no way to prove it.

That being said I think you could find opportunities online if you post a profile on some of the swinger sites or even fetlife.

Personally I have a profile on SLS (swing lifestyle dot com) and met a dominant man over a year ago that travels to my town once a month for a play date with me. I had no interest in anyone local or anyone that we previously knew.

If you looked in the area you travel to and found a long term FWB there who was a hotwife that could be an ideal situation for both of you!

Above all else be honest about your situation.

[2inUPMichigan]

I would like to know from the VHWs how many started on this lifestyle because their man had any degree of ED? And in these cases, who brought up the subject you or him?

Sorry, missed this post before

Unfortunately that is our story and hubby definitely brought up the subject.
He had prostate cancer and after the surgery and treatments he had the usual ED issues. Then he was put on some meds and that was it. ☹
He finally sat me down one day and told me "just because my sex life is over doesn't mean that yours has to be".
That was the beginning of our journey.

[NCALBULL]

Hi all.....really interesting and helpful content in this thread. I'm curious....

First off, I'm married. That said, for a variety of reasons my wife and I have stopped having sex. It's not all on her, it's not all on me, that's just the way it has worked out. We have a pretty great working relationship at home. Anyhow, she basically told me "I don't care if you get some on your own but a)I don't want to know about it and b) Don't ever embarrass me or the kids"

Trickier than it seems actually especially since it is only fair that I respect those boundaries. I go out to bars from time to time. I'm 50 but look much younger. Women (mostly in the 30-45 range)approach me fairly often, or even more often I'll catch an "eye fucking" and being just a man, can't help but engaging. It's frustrating because I'm not going to risk a one night stand locally.....I could see that person at the grocery store,a kids sporting event, or we could have mutual friends. Also, most of the single woman in that age range are looking for a boyfriend/partner and I can't be that guy for them. I travel for work and had some encounters on the road but frankly I find that whole one-night thing pretty unsatisfying because I like the idea of finding a partner that can explore with me. Bit of a catch-22.

Also, I've always been really dominant in my sexual relationships which is hard to manifest in a short fling.

A friend who had been in the lifestyle suggested I look into, so here I am kinda poking around (see what I did there?)

I guess the question is, is there a place for me and my level of emotional and physical availability? Does the whole being married thing throw a HW off? If you think it's a good option how does one meet a potential partner with a certain level of discretion?

Thanks in advance!

It depends on the HW if you being married would be a dealbreaker or not. The glitch for some would be a that you have permission to play but no way to prove it.

That being said I think you could find opportunities online if you post a profile on some of the swinger sites or even fetlife.

Personally I have a profile on SLS (swing lifestyle dot com) and met a dominant man over a year ago that travels to my town once a month for a play date with me. I had no interest in anyone local or anyone that we previously knew.

If you looked in the area you travel to and found a long term FWB there who was a hotwife that could be an ideal situation for both of you!

Above all else be honest about your situation.

Really appreciate the response. The SLS idea seems to be solid. How would you characterize the level of discretion there? Is it mandatory to display a profile pic? I could see that coming back to violate "part b" of the agreement if so.

[2inUPMichigan]

Hi all.....really interesting and helpful content in this thread. I'm curious....

First off, I'm married. That said, for a variety of reasons my wife and I have stopped having sex. It's not all on her, it's not all on me, that's just the way it has worked out. We have a pretty great working relationship at home. Anyhow, she basically told me "I don't care if you get some on your own but a)I don't want to know about it and b) Don't ever embarrass me or the kids"

Trickier than it seems actually especially since it is only fair that I respect those boundaries. I go out to bars from time to time. I'm 50 but look much younger. Women (mostly in the 30-45 range)approach me fairly often, or even more often I'll catch an "eye fucking" and being just a man, can't help but engaging. It's frustrating because I'm not going to risk a one night stand locally.....I could see that person at the grocery store,a kids sporting event, or we could have mutual friends. Also, most of the single woman in that age range are looking for a boyfriend/partner and I can't be that guy for them. I travel for work and had some encounters on the road but frankly I find that whole one-night thing pretty unsatisfying because I like the idea of finding a partner that can explore with me. Bit of a catch-22.

Also, I've always been really dominant in my sexual relationships which is hard to manifest in a short fling.

A friend who had been in the lifestyle suggested I look into, so here I am kinda poking around (see what I did there?)

I guess the question is, is there a place for me and my level of emotional and physical availability? Does the whole being married thing throw a HW off? If you think it's a good option how does one meet a potential partner with a certain level of discretion?

Thanks in advance!

It depends on the HW if you being married would be a dealbreaker or not. The glitch for some would be a that you have permission to play but no way to prove it.

That being said I think you could find opportunities online if you post a profile on some of the swinger sites or even fetlife.

Personally I have a profile on SLS (swing lifestyle dot com) and met a dominant man over a year ago that travels to my town once a month for a play date with me. I had no interest in anyone local or anyone that we previously knew.

If you looked in the area you travel to and found a long term FWB there who was a hotwife that could be an ideal situation for both of you!

Above all else be honest about your situation.

Really appreciate the response. The SLS idea seems to be solid. How would you characterize the level of discretion there? Is it mandatory to display a profile pic? I could see that coming back to violate "part b" of the agreement if so.

It is better to post a pic so that others know that you are real as there can be a lot of issues with flakes and fakes. However that does not mean that your public pic has to be a face pic. You can have a face pic in a private folder that you only open for someone that you decide you definitely want to meet. My public pictures do not show my face and I don't show any nude pics online.

SLS has been around a long time and everyone is there for the same thing I never give out my last name, address or phone number. I have set up a Google voice number that I forward to my cell. You could also use an app like Kik which is popular to communicate.

You might consider figuring out a way to provide proof that your wife has given you "permission to play" so that you can prove that you aren't cheating. This would give you a lot more options. (not sure if she would feel comfortable doing that?)

[NCALBULL]

Hi all.....really interesting and helpful content in this thread. I'm curious....

First off, I'm married. That said, for a variety of reasons my wife and I have stopped having sex. It's not all on her, it's not all on me, that's just the way it has worked out. We have a pretty great working relationship at home. Anyhow, she basically told me "I don't care if you get some on your own but a)I don't want to know about it and b) Don't ever embarrass me or the kids"

Trickier than it seems actually especially since it is only fair that I respect those boundaries. I go out to bars from time to time. I'm 50 but look much younger. Women (mostly in the 30-45 range)approach me fairly often, or even more often I'll catch an "eye fucking" and being just a man, can't help but engaging. It's frustrating because I'm not going to risk a one night stand locally.....I could see that person at the grocery store,a kids sporting event, or we could have mutual friends. Also, most of the single woman in that age range are looking for a boyfriend/partner and I can't be that guy for them. I travel for work and had some encounters on the road but frankly I find that whole one-night thing pretty unsatisfying because I like the idea of finding a partner that can explore with me. Bit of a catch-22.

Also, I've always been really dominant in my sexual relationships which is hard to manifest in a short fling.

A friend who had been in the lifestyle suggested I look into, so here I am kinda poking around (see what I did there?)

I guess the question is, is there a place for me and my level of emotional and physical availability? Does the whole being married thing throw a HW off? If you think it's a good option how does one meet a potential partner with a certain level of discretion?

Thanks in advance!

It depends on the HW if you being married would be a dealbreaker or not. The glitch for some would be a that you have permission to play but no way to prove it.

That being said I think you could find opportunities online if you post a profile on some of the swinger sites or even fetlife.

Personally I have a profile on SLS (swing lifestyle dot com) and met a dominant man over a year ago that travels to my town once a month for a play date with me. I had no interest in anyone local or anyone that we previously knew.

If you looked in the area you travel to and found a long term FWB there who was a hotwife that could be an ideal situation for both of you!

Above all else be honest about your situation.

Really appreciate the response. The SLS idea seems to be solid. How would you characterize the level of discretion there? Is it mandatory to display a profile pic? I could see that coming back to violate "part b" of the agreement if so.

It is better to post a pic so that others know that you are real as there can be a lot of issues with flakes and fakes. However that does not mean that your public pic has to be a face pic. You can have a face pic in a private folder that you only open for someone that you decide you definitely want to meet. My public pictures do not show my face and I don't show any nude pics online.

SLS has been around a long time and everyone is there for the same thing I never give out my last name, address or phone number. I have set up a Google voice number that I forward to my cell. You could also use an app like Kik which is popular to communicate.

You might consider figuring out a way to provide proof that your wife has given you "permission to play" so that you can prove that you aren't cheating. This would give you a lot more options. (not sure if she would feel comfortable doing that?)

Again, thanks, great info. I'm sure there's a happy medium on the pics.

I think the conversation with her is possible, but it seems like something better suited for a post-pandemic world. A lot of anxiety for everyone, and not sure I want to pile on right now.

[ckathrill]

2inupmichigan,

Thank you for sharing that.

[caramy]

My wife & I have been dabbling in the lifestyle for ~25 years. We had our ups and downs, mostly because I wasn't tune-in to her needs and somewhat because I was like a 'child in a candy shop', moving too quickly and pushing too hard. As a result, we almost got divorce.
We are still together and all is well; however, the experience has left her with a bad taste. We communicate and she tells me that there are elements of our sexual exploits that she enjoyed but is afraid to approach again. We use to swing and she has problems seeing me with other women (i.e., jealousy), nor does she want to indulge in any lesbian stuff. Having said that, she has some hesitation because she feels it could be the slippery slope to trouble.

We have learned to communicate and share our feeling better now. She understands my fantasy of sharing our sex life with another man. I don’t believe I am a cuckold or bisexual but we have had success and fun with a MFM arrangement. She likes the flirtation and attention of being a Hotwife but has concerns.

Recently she met a professional gentleman, a black man, with whom we have had sex and a generally positive experience on two occasions. However, we have encountered some setbacks, mostly due to my over zealousness. Basically on our last encounter with this man, I went out of control and choreograph a raunchy porn scenario and encourage him to cum in her mouth, when she had signaled to me that she was not ready or willing to do. I fucked up, and have since apologized for not controlling the situation and protecting her.

As such, here are some of her concerns, and would appreciate any feedback or advice, especially from the female perspective.
1. She wants to be in control, but becomes overwhelmed with passion in the moment that makes incapable managing circumstances. I have reassured her that I would be more in control but is untrusting.
2. She does not like trolling for men on the internet. She would like meet serendipitously, not prearranged. She wants to flirt and determine if there is a connection as opposed to a forced artificial meeting.
3. She does not want to be a one night stand. She doesn’t like the connotation of being a slut or being slutty. (Regrettably, the word only has negative designations that many women consider derogatory.)
4. She wants to be praised and complemented. As she ages she feels less desirable, and even though she is still very attractive, her self-image needs reassurance. (Unfortunately, it appears that many men do not understand this need.)

[2inUPMichigan]

My wife & I have been dabbling in the lifestyle for ~25 years. We had our ups and downs, mostly because I wasn't tune-in to her needs and somewhat because I was like a 'child in a candy shop', moving too quickly and pushing too hard. As a result, we almost got divorce.
We are still together and all is well; however, the experience has left her with a bad taste. We communicate and she tells me that there are elements of our sexual exploits that she enjoyed but is afraid to approach again. We use to swing and she has problems seeing me with other women (i.e., jealousy), nor does she want to indulge in any lesbian stuff. Having said that, she has some hesitation because she feels it could be the slippery slope to trouble.

We have learned to communicate and share our feeling better now. She understands my fantasy of sharing our sex life with another man. I don’t believe I am a cuckold or bisexual but we have had success and fun with a MFM arrangement. She likes the flirtation and attention of being a Hotwife but has concerns.

Recently she met a professional gentleman, a black man, with whom we have had sex and a generally positive experience on two occasions. However, we have encountered some setbacks, mostly due to my over zealousness. Basically on our last encounter with this man, I went out of control and choreograph a raunchy porn scenario and encourage him to cum in her mouth, when she had signaled to me that she was not ready or willing to do. I fucked up, and have since apologized for not controlling the situation and protecting her.

As such, here are some of her concerns, and would appreciate any feedback or advice, especially from the female perspective.
1. She wants to be in control, but becomes overwhelmed with passion in the moment that makes incapable managing circumstances. I have reassured her that I would be more in control but is untrusting.
2. She does not like trolling for men on the internet. She would like meet serendipitously, not prearranged. She wants to flirt and determine if there is a connection as opposed to a forced artificial meeting.
3. She does not want to be a one night stand. She doesn’t like the connotation of being a slut or being slutty. (Regrettably, the word only has negative designations that many women consider derogatory.)
4. She wants to be praised and complemented. As she ages she feels less desirable, and even though she is still very attractive, her self-image needs reassurance. (Unfortunately, it appears that many men do not understand this need.)

Welcome caramay

The issue of hotwives not being comfortable with their husbands playing with other women does come up a lot. The important thing to remember about that is that for a lot of men this is a turn on (seeing their wife with another man). Many times it may simply be that isn't a turn on to see her husband with another woman.

From your description it sounds like you might fit into the description of a stag which is a term that is used here a lot.

You mentioned that you tried to direct the action during play and it didn't turn out well (that is common) but then you mentioned that you apologized for not controlling the situation. This confuses me.
It is very important that any limits are discussed prior to play, especially with anyone new.
Once the fantasy leaves your head and becomes a reality there are other people involved and they are not simply characters in your fantasy. What I am trying to say is, if there is something that you would like to see happen then talk about it before the action happens. It really isn't very sexy for someone to be calling out directing during sex and it can definitely interrupt the mood.
The two of you should talk about what you want to happen (and if there is anything that is off limits) then give those details to the other man.

Her questions
1 - she identifies her limits at the beginning, making clear to both you and the other man what is and is not acceptable to her. Also if there is something she specifically wants to see happen.
2 - can't help you there I only meet men online. However I get to know them before ever meeting in person. Definitely lots of flirting
3 - I am not interested in one night stands either and only look for long term FWB'S (I have one that I have been meeting once a month for almost a year and a half that I met online). I also reject the label of slut because I'm not one!
4 - I find there is a difference between the men that are just looking for sex and the men that just love women - everything about them. These are the men that I prefer to play with as they enjoy spending time with women and are appreciative. I'm not interested in the men that lead with a dick pic and think it is all about them

Oops! Rambling a bit! Hope that was helpful.....

[caramy]

Thank you so much for your feed back.

Not sure I understand the term 'stag'. Also, FWB?

With regard to "not controlling the situation" Basically, I had drank to much, and overdose myself on Viagra. My libido when into hyper-drive and disregarded the boundaries, pushing her into uncomfortable situations.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum caramy. There are a list of terms in one of the sections listed in the index.

[2inUPMichigan]

Thank you so much for your feed back.

Not sure I understand the term 'stag'. Also, FWB?

With regard to "not controlling the situation" Basically, I had drank to much, and overdose myself on Viagra. My libido when into hyper-drive and disregarded the boundaries, pushing her into uncomfortable situations.

Oops sorry

FWB is friends with benefits

Stag is usually used here for a husband of a hotwife who may or may not be involved in play (MFM) but typically is not involved in denial or humiliation. For some Stags it is just as much about seeing their wives fully explore their sexuality as it is for them to be turned on by her having sex with another man.

****
Ah! So you weren't referring to controlling the situation so much as controlling your own response to the situation. That is a little different.

I personally will not play with anyone who has more than a couple drinks because their impulse control can be impaired. Safety is my first priority always. (Example- I would never allow someone I didn't know to restrain me in any way)

When the two of you are in an MFM situation you are her second level of defense, her back up and she places that trust in you to have her back in case things get uncomfortable.

Going forward the two of you could have a signal that she uses to alert you if things are getting too intense for her- like a safe word. That would be a trigger for you to know that things need to be taken down a notch or stop until she is comfortable.

Good luck!

[hwsassysouth]

Thank you so much for your feed back.

Not sure I understand the term 'stag'. Also, FWB?

With regard to "not controlling the situation" Basically, I had drank to much, and overdose myself on Viagra. My libido when into hyper-drive and disregarded the boundaries, pushing her into uncomfortable situations.

Oops sorry

FWB is friends with benefits

Stag is usually used here for a husband of a hotwife who may or may not be involved in play (MFM) but typically is not involved in denial or humiliation. For some Stags it is just as much about seeing their wives fully explore their sexuality as it is for them to be turned on by her having sex with another man.

****
Ah! So you weren't referring to controlling the situation so much as controlling your own response to the situation. That is a little different.

I personally will not play with anyone who has more than a couple drinks because their impulse control can be impaired. Safety is my first priority always. (Example- I would never allow someone I didn't know to restrain me in any way)

When the two of you are in an MFM situation you are her second level of defense, her back up and she places that trust in you to have her back in case things get uncomfortable.

Going forward the two of you could have a signal that she uses to alert you if things are getting too intense for her- like a safe word. That would be a trigger for you to know that things need to be taken down a notch or stop until she is comfortable.

Good luck!

I agree about having a “safe word”.... Some thing she can say in the moment that will signal to you that she is starting to feel uncomfortable so you will know that she is expecting you to step in and help her out. Your SafeWord can be anything in the world. A lot of couples I know use the words “yellow“ and “red“- yellow meaning, “things are starting to get a little too crazy for me; maybe we should tone it down a notch“ and red meaning, “stop! This is definitely too much for me!”

[caramy]

Thanks. I feel so stupid...it's like why didn't I think of setting up a the safe word.

Another thought/ concern. She is kind of liking this 'hotwife' thing, and is especially fond of our friend, i.e., FWB. They have texted pics and spoken on the phone, which she has described to me, and which I have enjoy hearing. When discussing when we would be able to get together again, and indicated that I would love to watch, and be passive. Her response was, "Well, why don't I meet him alone and then I tell you how all go down." I answer that "I would be OK with that."

1. Should I be worried? Not sure what that worry would be.
2. Should I insist that we always party together?

There a history: We did some swinging ~20 years ago, (we have been married 42 years)...and that ended terribly. We separated for 2 yrs.

1. She fell in 'love' with one of our single swinger friend.
2. I was of the opinion that she would never stray...so I gave her carte blanche.
3. He, our friend, told her that I was using her and undervaluing her.
4. Giving me carte blanche gave me license to my own thing...

[2inUPMichigan]

Thanks. I feel so stupid...it's like why didn't I think of setting up a the safe word.

Another thought/ concern. She is kind of liking this 'hotwife' thing, and is especially fond of our friend, i.e., FWB. They have texted pics and spoken on the phone, which she has described to me, and which I have enjoy hearing. When discussing when we would be able to get together again, and indicated that I would love to watch, and be passive. Her response was, "Well, why don't I meet him alone and then I tell you how all go down." I answer that "I would be OK with that."

1. Should I be worried? Not sure what that worry would be.
2. Should I insist that we always party together?

There a history: We did some swinging ~20 years ago, (we have been married 42 years)...and that ended terribly. We separated for 2 yrs.

1. She fell in 'love' with one of our single swinger friend.
2. I was of the opinion that she would never stray...so I gave her carte blanche.
3. He, our friend, told her that I was using her and undervaluing her.
4. Giving me carte blanche gave me license to my own thing...

Hindsight is always 20/20

Should you be worried about her playing alone? Not necessarily, however the real question is what do you think there is to worry about? How both of you frame this makes all the difference in the world.

In my case hubby and I thought he would be watching but after our first meet and greet we both decided it would be better if I played solo. I am never exclusive with one man however as i do not want hubby to ever think that he is competing for my time and attention with another man. My goal has always been to have more than one long term FWB.

I make it clear to any man that i communicate with that my heart belongs to my hubby but i am free to share my body with other men.

[hwsassysouth]

I play solo sometimes.... it doesn’t mean more to me than playing with hubs around. Even when I play solo I come home and tell him all the details. I can understand your hesitation but a lot of hot wives have times that they play without hubs.

Congratulations on your lengthy relationship! That is super impressive!

[SexyWifeLisaHubbyACE]

First off I made the MFM threesome much more interesting when I introduce her that a Sensual Cuckold Threesome is so much better & it would start with newguy & I giving SexyWife a Sensual massage mentioning would get her comfortable with the new guy and once relax I would give SexyWife a nice sensual kiss and I be the 1st one to step aside giving SexyWife & New guy 1on1 (12-15mins) then I join making it a 3some then new guy steps aside and giving me 1on1 (10mins). Then joins in making it a 3some.. after awhile we take a break for SexyWife needs 7-10 mins then last round giving New guy (25-30 min's) 1on1 with SexyWife then he exits out to leave me and SexyWife to finish the night.
SexyWife implemented some rules I agreed
This is at the beginning
1. New guy only doggie style
2. No Anal
3 No kissing
4. Must wear condom
5. Caucasian Str. Male
6. Circumcised
7. For Size between 5"-7" & Girth Average or Kinda
Thick or Thick not too thick.

After a year later she change it up and she's more lenient.
#1 Like New guy able to any position, However our favorite positions off limits missionary & wheelbarrow or anytime where he is on top of her and she is on bottom,
Face to Face. Made it a point to make sure new guy does doggy style & Spooning.

#3 Also we agreed that light kisses & short kisses are okay it shows appreciation.
#7. SexyWife when ask what if new is almost 5" like 4¾" or over 7" like 7¼".....,. SexyWife said, No she doesn't want it to be Small or Kinda Small bad experience & prefers it to be over 5" like 5¼-5½"
Also if he is over 7" like 7¼" or 7½" if the guy was nice & cool & respectful she be okay with that as long as it's 7½ or under.
We have joined a adult xxx dating site she likes it especially being called SexyWife. I told her if she has a hard time picking between 2 guys I would be okay with doing a 3some with both at different times because one of the guys could be disappointment and I go as far as her up to 3 guys if one was disappointing.

Ok Now that you have heard our situation. What do you think about SexyWife's guidelines and restrictions at first? And becoming more lenient later allowing a bit more?
What is your perspective is there a good chance she might want to do this more or one time or ???