Should I be worried?

[Shaun89]

Hi, new poster but very long time lurker (nearly 8 years I'd say!)

I found this forum at the start of my hotwife kink, and have frequented the site since then.

Anyway, met a girl, got married, the usual. Found out she was bisexual, no problem. Dabbled in swinging with other women originally, then couples, then men. I was always involved. Then my kink reared its head after one particular time when a guy made my wife scream for over a hour in pleasure - something I'd never done. It was like I wasn't there and she was in a different world. I'm not bad in bed, but he was just better. I'm not really into the humiliation side of things, I just like seeing my wife happy. Her face that night......turned me on.

After this I spoke to her about my potential kink in seeing her with other men whilst I take a back seat (either watching or not present). After the aforementioned swinging, it wasn't a giant leap so she quickly agreed and we started looking for a bull. She took to it very fast, and helped me filter people out for her. It wasn't in a 'can't wait to have sex with someone else but you' way, just a kinky curiosity way and I never felt jealous. She was very careful of not making me feel excluded from messages and told me if I wanted to stop at any point, we would.

Fast forward to now, we've had a few false starts but managed to find a long time bull. We met him about 8 months ago just before Christmas. He's from a different state so don't see him that often, maybe once or maybe twice a month (a lot less recently due to Covid). He's pretty wealthy, (his own house, drives an expensive car, high up in a big international company) but doesn't hold it over you and is by all accounts a decent man.

Initially it was the same method of meeting, we would all find a suitable location and my wife would spend hours getting fucked into heaven. He is a demon in bed. She would orgasm 4 or 5 times, sometimes I struggle to get her there once. I was involved (to a degree) in the first couple of meets but then she started to bat me away when she was getting fucked by this other guy (not in an aggressive way, just a please leave me alone for a moment, I'm enjoying this part) and I mostly ended up just watching for hours. It slowly progressed to where I would drive home and leave them alone to spend the night together and she would come back the next day by train (paid by him). Then I wouldn't be invited at all and she would come back the next day and pass out for hours in a sex haze. She then started staying over at his place (once for 3 days) and wouldn't contact me at all apart from a safe and well call when she got there. Then the pandemic hit and stopped them meeting for a while so the issue went away.

When they started meeting again recently it continued at the same pace. When she isn't with him shes always on the phone to him, sometimes well into the early hours of the night. I've seen her biting her lip when shes speaking to him and I'm concerned she may be falling for him. She hasn't stopped giving me attention, but in the spaces between shes always checking her phone. I don't read her phone as I'm not into invading privacy but I'm considering maybe I should?

My question is (sorry for all the back story), should I be worried? Or should I just let her enjoy herself?

Added a poll too, just in case its easier than writing a response.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Shaun89.

[mundyman]

Given her level of infatuation with this guy I can see why you might be worried.
Is she so in to him because he not only is a great lover, but also due to his wealth, lives a lifestyle that you two don’t. In other words, she’s not only captivated by his dick and ability to use it, but also the way he lives. Nicer house, nicer things, nicer food and drinks, nicer car, etc....
It doesn’t mean she loves you less, but thAt she enjoys the bubble she enters when she is with him.
Also being a high ranking exec., he’s no doubt an alpha and has the charisma to get what he wants. Some woman are enthralled by powerful men, they turn into infatuated little school girls, for lack of a better term, when they have the chance to be around them. He is her rockstar.
The bottom line is that it is time to sit down and have a talk, a serious talk, an honest talk about what you’re seeing and how you’re feeling. It sounds like it’s time for a reset. Perhaps she’s not aware of the strength of her behavior and how it’s making you feel.
Good luck and please keep sharing your story.

[Silverrider]

Man... I do not mean to judge or sound alarm bells... but you have gotten into a situation that you should have approached differently. First off, I’ve said many times before on here that some women are tailor made for this lifestyle and some are not. Obviously there is no way for an audience to know since we don’t know her. But there are certain things you really should have evaluated and discussed before you got this deep into it. I totally get the desire to see your wife pleasured and to want all that great stuff for her. However, it can obviously never come at your eventual expense. People fall in love all the time. Sometimes the strength of the initial love keeps any new “love” from ever being an issue. But sometimes not. I have no idea how strong your wife’s love is for you. I hope very and unbreakable. But that’s possibly getting tested. Another thing I have stated over and over on here over the years is that a husband and wife that partake in this must always communicate everything. Always. If not, you end up in situations where you aren’t sure of what’s really going on. I feel that my relationship with my wife is the most important thing in my world. So I always wanted to know where we stood. Hotwifing can strengthen a great marriage... or completely tear one apart. I think before it’s too late, you need to find out which it might be for the two of you.
Best of luck. Really and truly. I hope it works out.

[afagehi7]

A guy who is superior in bed with a big cock... Great. One that is superior in bed, better looking, more money, etc... Better than the hubby in all ways is the perfect storm. The hubby has to be the best overall package or she has no reason to stay.

[Shaun89]

Mundyman, you're probably right at the moment she is just very infatuated with him. Love may be a bit strong? They buy each other little gifts though, so maybe verging on more like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm not sure it's the wealth or status, she's not a material girl and isn't bothered by power, and we both earn enough to have a good living ourselves. He's definitely an Alpha, and gets off on being dominant to her (and me in turn). I'm more between the two, I like dominating her but have a submissive streak (hence the hotwife kink). I wouldn't say he's charismatic, just very gentlemen like but has a strong presence, you know? She definitely enters a schoolgirl bubble though when she meets him (I haven't been there for a while but can assume it continued). I'm reluctant to have a reset because it took so long to find a decent bull for her that isn't a dick.

Silverrider, I think the main cause is that I'm very laid back. I always have been, and I go with the flow. I don't argue and I avoid conflict like the plague. She is the same, which is maybe how she is being swept off her feet a little. She tells me she loves me all the time and I can tell she means it. She is enjoying herself, and still giving me attention as well. She isn't hiding anything as far as I'm aware, she always tells me about when they plan to meet (it's been more a telling rather than asking recently though) and explains what happened after in detail. We always have reclaim sex afterwards.

Afagehi7, you may have a point in a way. He is better than me in certain areas. I don't want to seem like I'm bragging, but I'm a decent all rounder. Nice, good looking, earn enough, pretty good in bed, good friends/social circle. He probably has me beat in the bedroom department (I'm just under 7in and he's 9in with more girth) and the money. I'd like to think she wouldn't throw it all away (our complete life/house/family/friends) for someone better in bed with a little more disposable cash? Not sure who Mr Ares is, I must have missed that post. I'll have a search.

She told me earlier that they arranged to meet up this week on Thursday and then the following weekend for an overnight stay (Sat to Sun). She seemed happy about the overnight stay so I'll let it lie for now. Once she is back from her weekender I will have a talk with her about my feelings and see where it goes. If it comes to it and she does say she is or has fallen for him, I will have to argue that she doesn't meet him for a while to reevaluate the situation.

Thanks for your advice, at least I'm not now thinking I'm overreacting too much!

Thanks for the welcome armyguy, I probably should have joined years ago.

[2inUPMichigan]

When you start off you have an idea of how you think this will all go, but as things progress it doesn't always we work out that way.
Is that bad? Not necessarily.
Did the two of you sit down and negotiate changes? Have you talked regularly about how you each of you see play time?

If you have an idea in your head but her idea is completely different then that is an issue that you need to solve together. That does not mean that one is right and the other is wrong. That means that you aren't communicating your needs, your issues and any potential boundaries clearly to each other.

[CoupleFun555]

I don’t like simple answers to complex questions. Yes, she may be “falling in love” with him but that is not necessarily bad or wrong for your marriage. Assuming that this is just a bit more than new relationship energy, YOU have to talk to her and not let your concerns linger. Do NOT speak just out of jealousy and/or insecurity. Before speaking to her, really think to yourself what you are comfortable with and want your wife to have. If you are okay with her “loving” a man and there is a clear understanding of how much she communicates and spends time with him, her “loving” both of you is not inherently bad or wrong. You need to know what are your wants and needs in your relationship with her and see how her relations hip with him fits into what you need and want. Then, TALK to her.

It may also be that this relationship will fizzle out in its own way. He may find someone else or start showing more faults since we all have them. Your wife may already know what she wants and it may fit with your wants and needs. This could just be NRE also.

I will say it again. The question is not her feelings for him. The question really concerns whether she can still meet your wants and needs while being in a relationship with him.

[HWBarb4Fun]

The communication suggests some level of emotional connection. WHen we got into the lifestyle my husband and I made a promise that neither of us could have any level of emotional connection with others. This could be completely harmless, but everything in my opinion should be out in the open.

Hopefully its harmless fun, and with all of the experaince you both have I would think this is an easy conversation to have outside of the bedroom

[Suchen Zucker]

Hi, new poster but very long time lurker (nearly 8 years I'd say!)

I found this forum at the start of my hotwife kink, and have frequented the site since then.

Anyway, met a girl, got married, the usual. Found out she was bisexual, no problem. Dabbled in swinging with other women originally, then couples, then men. I was always involved. Then my kink reared its head after one particular time when a guy made my wife scream for over a hour in pleasure - something I'd never done. It was like I wasn't there and she was in a different world. I'm not bad in bed, but he was just better. I'm not really into the humiliation side of things, I just like seeing my wife happy. Her face that night......turned me on.

After this I spoke to her about my potential kink in seeing her with other men whilst I take a back seat (either watching or not present). After the aforementioned swinging, it wasn't a giant leap so she quickly agreed and we started looking for a bull. She took to it very fast, and helped me filter people out for her. It wasn't in a 'can't wait to have sex with someone else but you' way, just a kinky curiosity way and I never felt jealous. She was very careful of not making me feel excluded from messages and told me if I wanted to stop at any point, we would.

Fast forward to now, we've had a few false starts but managed to find a long time bull. We met him about 8 months ago just before Christmas. He's from a different state so don't see him that often, maybe once or maybe twice a month (a lot less recently due to Covid). He's pretty wealthy, (his own house, drives an expensive car, high up in a big international company) but doesn't hold it over you and is by all accounts a decent man.

Initially it was the same method of meeting, we would all find a suitable location and my wife would spend hours getting fucked into heaven. He is a demon in bed. She would orgasm 4 or 5 times, sometimes I struggle to get her there once. I was involved (to a degree) in the first couple of meets but then she started to bat me away when she was getting fucked by this other guy (not in an aggressive way, just a please leave me alone for a moment, I'm enjoying this part) and I mostly ended up just watching for hours. It slowly progressed to where I would drive home and leave them alone to spend the night together and she would come back the next day by train (paid by him). Then I wouldn't be invited at all and she would come back the next day and pass out for hours in a sex haze. She then started staying over at his place (once for 3 days) and wouldn't contact me at all apart from a safe and well call when she got there. Then the pandemic hit and stopped them meeting for a while so the issue went away.

When they started meeting again recently it continued at the same pace. When she isn't with him shes always on the phone to him, sometimes well into the early hours of the night. I've seen her biting her lip when shes speaking to him and I'm concerned she may be falling for him. She hasn't stopped giving me attention, but in the spaces between shes always checking her phone. I don't read her phone as I'm not into invading privacy but I'm considering maybe I should?

My question is (sorry for all the back story), should I be worried? Or should I just let her enjoy herself?

Added a poll too, just in case its easier than writing a response.

It looks to me like she's let herself dive too deep with this guy. She wants as much of him as she can get while also attempting to keep you happy and satisfied.

What did you do about her not calling you during her 3 days stay with him? I can understand how this could have felt very hurtful unless this is something you and her had agreed upon beforehand. How did she explain not calling you just to check how you were doing while she was away with another man?

I agree with Barb4Fun. The over-communication with him is a huge red flag.

What I don't understand is how she can be unaware that she is hurting you by her actions (unless you are not being truthful with her about how you really feel).

You can love more than one partner at a time. I believe she loves you and will do what is best for her marriage. The question is what do you want going forward?

-Suchen

[gulfcpl]

My advice: stop talking to us and talk to your wife. She’s the only one who matters.

[36DDwife]

It looks to me like she's let herself dive too deep with this guy. She wants as much of him as she can get while also attempting to keep you happy and satisfied.

What did you do about her not calling you during her 3 days stay with him? I can understand how this could have felt very hurtful unless this is something you and her had agreed upon beforehand. How did she explain not calling you just to check how you were doing while she was away with another man?

I agree with Barb4Fun. The over-communication with him is a huge red flag.

What I don't understand is how she can be unaware that she is hurting you by her actions (unless you are not being truthful with her about how you really feel).

You can love more than one partner at a time. I believe she loves you and will do what is best for her marriage. The question is what do you want going forward?

-Suchen

This is my take too. Seems likes she is getting to far out on the emotional limb with this guy. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you though. It would be too much for me & my wife.

And remember....women are tactical when it comes to exit plans out of a relationship. I’ve been the recipient of a sneak attack before & it’s not fun. Good luck.

[Shaun89]

Thanks for the replies guys, I appreciate them. Helps me get my head straight before I speak to her. I've never been good at airing my feelings and needed some advice. Just going to reply to you all now as I'm getting up to go to work, and won't be able to reply until tomorrow after their date tonight (I've got a long day today, it's partly why they chose today as a meeting date).

She seemed really excited yesterday and was chatting to him last night in preparation for tonight. She got her dress and underwear ready last night ready to go, and asked if I liked - so she is still keeping me involved and I don't feel excluded when she is at home (apart from the phone conversations, I don't listen in or read her messages). She said its just a few drinks and sex at his place so I'm in the loop about what time to expect her back - before 1am. I have to say she looked gorgeous in her lingerie and a short dress (she's 28 and has an amazzzziing body). I got turned on but she said she wanted to save herself for him tonight and didn't want to dampen her 'horn'. I wasn't too bothered as I was very tired anyway, and she's never done that before so let it go. She was chatting to him for a while but not sure until what time as I fell asleep. Woke up and she's got her bag and heels next to the door ready. She's the organised one out of us!

2inup - We didn't (and never have really) spoken about changes in depth. We both just go with the flow and things evolve. Maybe that's a error on both of our parts. I am going to speak to her though after next weekend about my feelings and how to proceed, that's now for certain.

Couple fun 555 - I wouldn't say I'm jealous, as I'm not a jealous person. I am more concerned about her falling in love and then leaving me, and I don't want it to get to that point. She's amazing, a real 10 out of 10 (I'd say I'm a 6/7) and a lovely person and I don't think I would ever get over losing her. I've had sex with other women during our swinging journey and no one comes close to her. Her looks, taste and smell are all heavenly. I think ultimately, her loving someone else I could maybe learn to live with but it would be a hard and tough ask. We started this journey just to broaden our sex life, rather than fall in love. If she had some low level feelings/NRE that's fine, but to be in 'love' with him is another thing. I think I know what I want, and will arm myself with his before speaking to her. Only concern is that I'm a people pleaser so could be talked round

HWBarb4fun - I agree its the constant chatting inbetween. The sex (when I watched) was pure primal lust, but the chatting afterwards and between meets points to something more than just 'sex'. You're right, after all we've done so far it should be easy to talk, but I didn't want to cause resentment or conflict by overreacting, so thought I'd just ask you guys first for some level headed advice before proceeding.

Suchen - I did ask why she didn't reply to my texts, she said that was distracted by the sex and meals. She does this when she goes out with friends partying, she will say she's safe and then be no contact until shes back. It's the way she is, she just enjoys the moment (her own bubble is probably the perfect phrase for this) so I let it go. I agree it's getting more apparent there is an emotional connection with them, and I will speak to her after their next weekend. I have been laid back and not been overly concerned until now, so really she hasn't been doing anything wrong as I've not objected to anything, but I think now is the time to voice my feelings. I think what I want is for her to dial back any emotional connection (if any, I could be wrong) and keep it strictly physical, and to involve me more. Since I'm not attending anymore, some photos or a sexy phonecall during would be nice? He at the start didn't mind being watched, but after a while he preferred just the two of them and she agreed (she said she didn't like being watched as it made her feel she had to 'perform' ) We still have great sex after and every week so it's only during her absences I feel a little left out.

Gulfcpl - You are right, I just wanted to get my head straight first. I am going to speak to her.

36DDwife - Also been the victim of a sneak attack before, but she doesn't seem the type to do that. She has too much empathy. But I could be wrong, I would be stupid to say it couldn't ever happen.

Anyway, I'll update with tonight's events over the next few days and I'll try and formulate what I will say over the next week or so. If she has fallen for him, which I hope not, I can probably expect some resistance so I have to try and prep for that?

Thanks guys.

[Des 31]

In the law of averages, I think the chances of her leaving you aren't as great as it may seem. The only clue for a potential problem I can see from what you have written is that you mentioned you aren't great at expressing your feelings. The better part of that is that I would think you're less likely to go into a jealous fit over your concerns. The downside is that the lack of your expressing feelings and personal thoughts indicates the degree of communication between marital partners is less than necessary in this lifestyle.

My wife's and my recommendation is that you need to talk more about the things important to each of you. It isn't clear that her boyfriend has any interest in marrying your wife, but I can understand the possibility from your brief description of her physical appearance and personality. She's clearly bonded with him in the emotional and physical sense as he seems to be with her.

My wife also prefers me not to be around when she's having sex, but we have good communication and she doesn't keep things from me. Communication is key but, like life itself, this lifestyle doesn't come with guarantees. We wish the two of you the best in repairing whatever may be missing in your relationship.

~ Des

[mundyman]

I would worry about the change in you being able to watch. He was ok with it, got your wife and then doesn’t want to be watched anymore. Hmmmmmm.
That might raise my suspicions just a little. It could be a way to pull your wife away from you a little, or a lot.
I would suggest that as a stipulation of her spending the night next weekend that she must take pictures.
I would assume you two got into this together for your mutual enjoyment, hence you watching them at the beginning, so why does that change? I don’t think asking for pictures and video of their time together is too much to ask for your permission for them to have sex and time together.
I would also suggest talking before the night away. Set ground rules, make sure you BOTH understand how the weekend is going to work; do you want check in calls, would she rather not do that, will they be out in public having a date, acting like a couple in love, do want pictures of their foreplay, her sucking his cock, him eating her pussy, do you want video of him first entering her, etc.... These are all things that can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings if not done.
Also this discussion is a great time to let her know how excited you are and yet afraid of how strong her connection is to him.
Better to clear the air now then wait until after the proverbial horses are out of the barn.
Good luck and please continue to share your journey in this lifestyle.

[pederpalm40]

My take is that it’s your thing and he is a tool. In this lifestyle we’re all different but this situation has passed my definition of OK. The more of a supercuck you are, the more your wife must be superstable emotionally. My only question is.. do you talk? I get the dynamics, but you must talk to her. I guess the situation gets you off, but is getting off more important than your marriage? If you have kids, don’t fucking play with your marriage. So my answer is: Yes you should worry. A lot. It’s all fun and games until she falls in love with the bull. Then it is bullshit. Good luck!!

[pederpalm40]

My take is that it’s your thing and he is a tool. In this lifestyle we’re all different but this situation has passed my definition of OK. The more of a supercuck you are, the more your wife must be superstable emotionally. My only question is.. do you talk? I get the dynamics, but you must talk to her. I guess the situation gets you off, but is getting off more important than your marriage? If you have kids, don’t fucking play with your marriage. So my answer is: Yes you should worry. A lot. It’s all fun and games until she falls in love with the bull. Then it is bullshit. Good luck!!

[XYAlpha]

She has a bubble that you say she gets into. "The sex and the meals were a distraction"... She is this way when she is out with her friends...

Is she out with her friends for three days?

Say that out loud to yourself. Distracted by sex and meals for three days without a single text or call to her HUSBAND to see how he is doing or tell him how she was doing or THANK HIM for giving her the weekend with him.

Should you be worried? YES

XY

[brutay2]

I would say yes with sweet anticipation. When she comes back she may have great stories to tell you about her week end with him ,how he took her as his own property as his bitch, as his whore and as his fuck piece, and you will be devouring her used cunt or ass or both. She will be telling you he filled her with his love juice, how he bet her ass as he was fucking it, how he trained her to deep throat while he was fucking her in her mouth.

[2inUPMichigan]

It's really sad when the first reaction to a bump in the road is "worst case scenario".

Every marriage goes through challenges and the decision to start down this path adds extra challenges that not everyone is completely prepared for. That does not mean that you can't backtrack and re-evaluate things. We are always talking here about the need to continually check in with each other and communicate (communicate, communicate) to make sure that you are both on the same page. This includes talking about limits and boundaries if either one of you have them.

Neither one of you can expect the other one to respect your boundaries and limits if you haven't talked about them. If there are needs that each of you need to have met then the only way the other one will ever know is if you sit down and (you know where I am going with this) communicate.

Anything can be resolved if you have the desire and motivation to do so.

We are all unique so that means that someone else could read your situation and say "that would never work for me!" while another person would say "that is what I want". The key is to find what works for the two of you.

Good luck on your journey together

[FNQLivin]

I agree with the comment about he was ok with you watching and then not. At some point, they must have discussed this or she thought about it and offered it to him. All without including you in the thought process. Those private chats or secret thoughts are the biggest concern in my eyes. What do they do for three days?

You are on the outer, not even considered whilst she’s with him. Is she not even mildly curious as to how you feel and what you are doing for that period of time? I don’t know if I could go somewhere for three days or even an overnight, knowing that I was taking advantage of something and not communicate with my partner, even if just to tell them how grateful I am.

[Shaun89]

Quick update, they met on Thursday night as planned. I got back from work and she had already left for his place. She did text me safe and well when she got there, so that's all good! I didn't hear from her until 11pm where she text me to say she was tired and didn't want to travel back so late, so would stop over and would be back tomorrow around midday. I was tired myself so I was like sure. So she did communicate that, which I'm grateful for. I don't want to paint a picture that she doesn't care for me because she doesn't call me, she is really attentive when she's with me (and also is terrible at replying to others when I'm there, so it's not like it's personal just against me).

I didn't get any more contact until she arrived home on Friday afternoon a bit 'sex drunk' and went to bed for a sleep. When she woke up she was more than happy to go through what happened, and we had sex afterwards (I didn't last long because of all the kinky talk and we've not had sex in just under a week). She said she freshened up when she got there (she travels in casual clothes then gets dressed in his guest bathroom) and they had some early dinner before having a glass of wine or two before having a lot of sex. She said maybe 4 or 5 times with cuddles inbetween then she text me about stopping over. Then they cuddled more and she fell asleep.

She said she woke to him kissing her back and they had sex again and then once more in the shower before she left for home. I can see why she was a bit tired! She said she'd orgasmed a few times and more so in the morning (she likes morning sex - I'm the opposite). She told me that she would probably go on Friday afternoon next week and come back Monday afternoon as he isn't working so will be 3 nights again (the joint longest time she's been away) . She didn't ask permission exactly but I didn't say anything yet as I haven't thought how best to approach it and didn't want to mention it then and there.

I did feel if it comes to it, it will be better to speak to her once she's immediately back from that weekend so if we do agree to stop seeing him because of any emotional connection building, she has just had a blowout and isn't looking forward to anything - so won't be ruining any future plans with him and will meet less resistance. If that makes sense?

Des - I think overall you're bang on the money, it's just that I'm not brillant at expressing my feelings and never have been. We still communicate heavily about this lifestyle though, and we talk about her plans and what happened so there are no secrets that I'm aware of. Just need to discuss feelings a bit more I think. I certainly won't be going into a jealous rage about it! Even if she does have an emotional connection I certainly believe we're strong enough to overcome it.

Mundyman - The idea of them being alone just happened naturally, with her saying to me he'd mentioned (I presume in a text/call) that he didn't want me watching and she didn't feel like she wanted to perform in front of someone as it was a little distracting from her enjoyment. I didn't ask why he didn't want me there, I obviously should have done. I thought at the time it would be hot to let them spend the night together alone so that's when I started driving home and leaving them to it. Then she just said one day she's heading over to his place and didn't mention anything about me attending, and I didn't ask her if I was invited so that's on me. Then it became the two of them meeting alone from then on. She certainly didn't force it on me, and I agreed by basically not disagreeing. I actually don't mind them meeting alone (I get off on being there and also by not being there - the angst is higher when she goes alone though) but I think like you say I need some input so I need to make it more clear about photos and videos from the next meet. Maybe no more than a 2 day stay either, as it feels like she's gone for an age!

Pederpalm - We don't have kids. I do get off on her going alone and having fun that is true, but I think it's the lack of involvement (with regards to photos etc) and that I don't really want her to fall for this guy that I need to talk to her about.

XY - No, you're right, it does sound strange for 3 days of no contact, but if she goes away on holiday with friends or family it's the same. When she's around others shes not a type of person to be on the phone at all. But given the situation she was in I agree she should have communicated more to me. Especially given the hotwife dynamic and she probably knows I would get off on receiving a few pictures.

2up - It's why I asked, I was considering the options and just wanted advice. We did discuss the usual boundaries (condoms, no anal for her, don't go out with him near our area etc) at the start but didn't discuss boundaries that we (and I) hadn't considered at that point like NRE or falling for anyone. We just never had a second sit down to discuss changes. So yes, we DO need a recap of boundaries.

FNQ - I can see where you're coming from. I don't believe she's having private chats with him that she doesn't share, but obviously I'm not with her 24/7 but I trust her implicitly. I don't want to thank me for letting her go see him, and she does more than enough for me when we're together. She does need to communicate more when shes away, but she always tells me what happened on each day so its just a few little tweaks unless she has got feelings for him, then it will be a more difficult discussion.

The advice is clear from you all, speak to her before her weekend away, rather than afterward. So on second thoughts, I will speak to her early next week about it. This should be sorted by next week but if you guys want an update I'll post one but I do appreciate the help.

Thanks.

[FNQLivin]

My concern, as much as it can be for a person I don’t know on the internet, is that you’ve gone from being fully involved to being an after thought. The fact that she doesn’t even ask whether it’s ok to spend three days and nights with another man but merely tells you is the issue. It doesn’t matter that you’re ok in principle with it, it’s the lack of respect to you. If I just told my partner I’m off for 3 days next weekend, she wouldn’t be happy at all and I’m not going away to spend time with a lover for a weekend of sex.

And how does he have a right to veto you watching or taking part? Your wife is entitled to her privacy and if she was the one driving it, then I’d expect a conversation with you, some agreement and boundary’s being set and to go from there. But he doesn’t have that right. He can ask her. He can explain why. She might agree with his view and then negotiate and discuss with you. But he’s gone from spending a night fucking your wife to three days and you not only don’t get a say, but you have no involvement at all.

Is she not even mildly curious what you’re going to do for the three days she’s away? Weekends are downtime and reconnection time for most couples, away from the stresses of the week and she and her lover are just going to spend theirs together and you’re at home. Alone. With no comms.

And the point about how she doesn’t communicate when away with friends or family is different. She is spending quality time away from you, fucking someone else. That’s the difference.

[XYAlpha]

Overnights and weekends away are generally considered very advanced skills in the LS for experienced practitioners.
It sounds like ( not knowing more details) like you are a co- husband - you just don't know it yet.

XY

[Serrand]

I just stumbeld upon your thread here. First a big thank for open up to us, it's not taken for granted. According to your words you have an absolute stunner as your wife. I hope you allow some questions. I assume it's out of question you could post a photo of her in the Hotties section? Which of course I can understand because of privacy reasons. But could you describe her a little more, maybe name an actress or model she resembles a little? You mentioned she's 28, can I ask how old are you and for how long are you both married? Excuse my curiosity.

Regarding the main issue, well, I can only repeat what others already have said and you probably already know yourself, that communication between you and your wife is the key. If something worries or bothers you bring it up with your wife, and I think it's in general better to do this rather sooner than later, "to wait for the right moment", so to say, isn't always the smartest strategy.
And one other thing I would strongly recommend to you, and that is having a watchful eye on this lover of your wife. Look, I don't want you to be paranoid and I'm not saying that in any case he tries to steal your wife away from you, but in the other side it would be naive of you to trust this guy and his "good intentions". In this context, if your wife stays overnight with him, every once in a while, that's maybe not that big of problem, but in my opinion it should be excactly just that: one night and not more. Her spending with him 3 days and nights regularly, I don't know, but I doubt that this is really a positive thing for your marriage in the longterm. I can comprehend that it's probably impossible to call off her 3 day-stay with him next weekend, that would probably do more harm than good for you, but after that I think you should come to an agreement with your wife that she won't spend more than one night with him in the future and this way won't be separated from you that long. But that's of course only my opinion.

I hope you keep us updated and we hear from you regularly.