Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

It seems like she likes your submissive and some times humiliating role. You can use that, to take it a few steps further.
Next time you cum on her pussy og chest, tell her that you’re sorry you made a mess on her, and ask her if you should clean that up. Since she has allready given you a cum-kiss, she might like it. And the next time you say sorry for the mess, she might tell you herself to clean up you mess.

And her having to find another to fuck her, could be a way to try toys again. You should find a realistic dildo, not a vibrator. Most online shops have a users rating for the toys. Use those as a guide.
Remind her of what she said (as a joke), and present the dildo to her, giving it a name (like Jim or any other name). And tell har she should sometime spend some time alone with Jim.
If she’s horny one morning, you could ask her if you should go out and prepare breakfast, while she’s having a visit from Jim.

Thanks for the post! All good ideas, now it's just on me to push them. I always mentally prepare myself to lick my cum, but back out after I cum.

[severin]

Thanks for the post! All good ideas, now it's just on me to push them. I always mentally prepare myself to lick my cum, but back out after I cum.

I find that I can happily eat my cum off my wife if I ruin the orgasm, rather than coming all the way. It takes a little discipline to control your orgasm, but a lot less discipline than eating it if you fully come. My wife actually came up with this and enjoys making me come a little so that I can clean her up afterward.

I want her to make me eat it after coming fully, but she knows that no matter how much I fantasize about it right up until the point of no return, once I start coming I lose the desire almost instantly. She also knows I fantasize about her making me eat it after I come fully, but isn't cruel enough to make me do it. I keep hoping and occasionally remind her that I want her to make me me eat all that cum when it's the last thing I actually want to do.

[drstrangelove]

Thanks for the post! All good ideas, now it's just on me to push them. I always mentally prepare myself to lick my cum, but back out after I cum.

I find that I can happily eat my cum off my wife if I ruin the orgasm, rather than coming all the way. It takes a little discipline to control your orgasm, but a lot less discipline than eating it if you fully come. My wife actually came up with this and enjoys making me come a little so that I can clean her up afterward.

I want her to make me eat it after coming fully, but she knows that no matter how much I fantasize about it right up until the point of no return, once I start coming I lose the desire almost instantly. She also knows I fantasize about her making me eat it after I come fully, but isn't cruel enough to make me do it. I keep hoping and occasionally remind her that I want her to make me me eat all that cum when it's the last thing I actually want to do.

What is your common way of ruining it? Is it during sex and you just pull out and wait for yourself to cum without further stimulation?

And as a side update, I brought up the idea of a chastity cage last night—wife thought it was a “silly” idea though.

[jratt85]

And as a side update, I brought up the idea of a chastity cage last night—wife thought it was a “silly” idea though.

You should tell her "well I can't make you cum with my cock anyways so what's the point of me even being able to use it? Besides, then you are the only one that will ever be able to play with it when YOU want to and otherwise I can't touch it."

[Tiper]

[/quote]And as a side update, I brought up the idea of a chastity cage last night—wife thought it was a “silly” idea though.
[/quote]

That’s allso what my wife thougt. But i bought one, put it on and showed it to her after a few days. We allso looked at videos of cuckolds cumming in Chastity. Now she thinks it’s a Nice toy

[drstrangelove]

And as a side update, I brought up the idea of a chastity cage last night—wife thought it was a “silly” idea though.

You should tell her "well I can't make you cum with my cock anyways so what's the point of me even being able to use it? Besides, then you are the only one that will ever be able to play with it when YOU want to and otherwise I can't touch it."

I more or less said that, but I went with it would be better this way so I can't look at porn, which leaves me feeling angry and resentful. She just dismissed it quickly. I could buy it and roll the dice, but I'm fairly sure she's not ready to embrace something like that yet.

[jratt85]

I more or less said that, but I went with it would be better this way so I can't look at porn, which leaves me feeling angry and resentful. She just dismissed it quickly. I could buy it and roll the dice, but I'm fairly sure she's not ready to embrace something like that yet.

If I was in your position, one of the first things I'd do is order her a set of vibrating panties and some ben wah balls so she can walk around with them all day long and always be feeling good.. Though with everything you've said about her, I don't know if she'd go for it.

[JackCUK]

I've just finished reading through your thread, thanks for sharing. You write really well and it's interesting to hear about your journey. I hear your frustration with your wife's behaviour and I have been in similar situations myself. Even with my current partner, we have fairly good communication, but there are times when I talk to her about what I want and just seem to get nothing back, it's very frustrating.

I just wanted to share a few thoughts, hope it's helpful in some way. I was trying to think about things from your wife's point of view. First of all reading I was concerned about your wife saying she found sex painful. I notice someone else recommended to get it checked out though, which was good advice, because under normal circumstances PIV shouldn't have to be painful. As you said if you bottom out on her cervix sometimes that could be painful but that should really only be in certain positions/circumstances. As you've been together a long time I assume you are mindful of that and have done it in a lot of different positions, so it shouldn't be painful most of the time. Which makes me think either a: she has a medical condition or b: she is not being truthful or exaggerating the extent to which it is painful. This got me thinking about her past and her attitude to sex in general. As you say she had a much more promiscuous time at college but that's associated for her with negative memories. I would say it's likely not that these things just happened at the same time (low self-esteem and slutty behaviour) but that they are causes of each other or fundamentally linked. That is to say, sex is in some way linked in her mind with feeling bad about herself; either that she had all the sex to try to make herself feel better or that having sex makes her feel vulnerable or degraded in some way. That would make sense of why she says it hurts to have sex - it's an unarguable 'opt out' but saves her having to face some difficult feelings.

She obviously met and fell in love with you and was able to have some PIV sex which she enjoyed, to an extent (probably because you made her feel better about herself), but it seems the underlying issue of associating sex with feeling bad about herself never went away. Avoiding PIV sex could still be a way of avoiding those feelings, even with you, her loving husband. I disagree with some other comments here in that it seems to me like if anything, your wife is naturally dominant. For instance, being so directive with you when she wants head, enjoying sitting on your face, seemingly taking pleasure from you humping her hand, being happy with you cumming in your boxers and 'telling you off' when you don't, and enjoying talk like on NYE when you said most men would get to fuck their women but you don't (you said she moaned in pleasure) - all of these seem dominant behaviours that I find it hard to imagine someone naturally submissive would easily perform. That said, her being dominant is not the same as her consciously taking pleasure from it, and that's where you feel let down. It could be the case that she DOES enjoy these things but, being slightly emotionally closed off, doesn't allow herself to admit it. This is also quite common in that women are generally very compassionate and also socialized to be caring - even if she likes these things she may not be able to 'give herself permission' to enjoy them openly as they seem to be mean; or she may also just be worried about hurting your feelings (especially as you send out mixed messages sometimes. It's hard for someone to confidently be dominant if they are not sure how to go about it and it sometimes backfires on them). On the other hand the dominant behaviour may all be in the service of protecting herself from the thing she finds difficult - feeling vulnerable and bad about herself during sex. It may be that being dominant is the path of least resistance for her in that she still gets some sex, but on terms that are manageable for her.

For your wife's happiness, but also for your sex life, I would say the most important thing seems to be to get a handle on why sex is associated with low self-esteem for her. In that regard some (sex-positive; not all therapists are) therapy seems really vital. I think you need to park your kink to the side for a bit and try to just get into her head. I know how hard these things can be as, like I said, I've been there myself. But at the minute you are, as you know yourself, giving her mixed messages. For her part she obviously loves you and I'm sure she is trying to make you happy, but a: she's not exactly sure how as you keep changing the signals and b: in some way she is not able to - she is not relaxed enough about sex to engage with your fantasies.

Anyway just my five cents based on what I took from reading. I hope it's not too personal and apologies if you feel it's off-base, but I feel like I understand some of the frustration of your situation and I'd love it if you guys could make it work better, for both of you. Good luck and please keep us posted on how you get on.

[drstrangelove]

It's hard for someone to confidently be dominant if they are not sure how to go about it and it sometimes backfires on them).

I think that's it. Often, her most dominant moments are after we play and its a turn-off for me as I've cum and I'm interested in her loving, compassionate person to return. From her perspective, it's certainly a mixed signal as she tries to navigate what I'm expecting from her.

Also, with regard to the pain, it's all associated with going too deep. If I ever try to go deeper with her legs up, etc., it will hurt. Other than that, the only discomfort comes sometimes if she's already cum and I'm taking too long to get off. We've been having less and less sex over the years though, so it's really not an issue for us now.

Regarding our sex life in general now, she knows I require more sexual satisfaction that her, so telling me to go down on her seems to work best for her. It happened the other night--she has this habit of waiting until we get in bed and it's late to start having long conversations with me and she knows it drives me nuts. I do my best to listen and not turn anything into an argument right before bed.

She finished getting all the things off her mind and then just blurted out, "ok, now you can go down on me," as she pulled down her pants.

It wasn't even said in a dominant way to be honest. She's tired and thinking she'd like to cum quick before bed and knows I'll cum quick too.

[jratt85]

She finished getting all the things off her mind and then just blurted out, "ok, now you can go down on me," as she pulled down her pants.

It wasn't even said in a dominant way to be honest. She's tired and thinking she'd like to cum quick before bed and knows I'll cum quick too.

Man, I don't know who I feel more sorry for, her or you.. Obviously your sexuality just doesn't match hers and I feel REALLY bad for her that she's so hung up on her past and can't enjoy herself. It definitely seems like you both could use some counselling and that she has more of a deep seeded emotional problem than you might realize.. As someone that's autistic and didn't ever know until 30 and has never had the help for it, I definitely get not being 100% right upstairs. I know I'm going to have issues relaxing enough and trusting enough to truly enjoy sex for years, once it finally happens. I also get the going overboard when people finally give you attention part too.. Once someone decides to seduce me and I finally have sex, I'm sure I'll end up being an addict to make up for the hole in my heart and all the intimacy I've been missing out on for so long... If I was a woman instead of a guy, I'm sure I'd be a massive slut hooking up with guys and getting gangbanged all the time lol.

I think it'd be interesting to hear how she was raised and what happened growing up.. I'm sure there's things there that lead her to letting herself go in college when people suddenly started giving her positive attention.

[JackCUK]

Regarding our sex life in general now, she knows I require more sexual satisfaction that her, so telling me to go down on her seems to work best for her. It happened the other night--she has this habit of waiting until we get in bed and it's late to start having long conversations with me and she knows it drives me nuts. I do my best to listen and not turn anything into an argument right before bed.

She finished getting all the things off her mind and then just blurted out, "ok, now you can go down on me," as she pulled down her pants.

If I've understood what you are saying here, you often find that she will start a conversation once you get into bed, and you wait and don't argue in the hope that you will be able to have some kind of sex. This sounds to me an awful lot like she has found a way to barter with you for attention, because she knows what you want and that you will listen attentively because you are motivated to keep the mood right for sex. That's a shame for both of you, partly just because sex has become a transaction, and I don't think either of you should have to barter like that to get your needs met. It's not right that you are having to jump through hoops to get sex. And it's also not right that your wife has to jump through hoops to get some intimate conversation with you.

It does seem a shame that you guys are not on the same page. I'm not convinced it's impossible for you to improve things though.

As I say I have been in a very similar situation and I know how frustrating it feels. I think though that it's easy to get into the rut of asking 'how can I get what I want' and nothing changes. I think you are more likely to have success if you ask 'how can I make life better for my wife/how can I make sex more enjoyable for her'. Because it seems to me that the fundamental problem for both of you is that she isn't enjoying her sex life enough, isn't it? She definitely has libido, as she is able to enjoy getting oral and sometimes initiates. If she was really completely uninterested in sex I don't think she'd be happy with you giving her head as much as you do. And she will sometimes 'go through the motions' of dominating you, but it doesn't feel right to you - or her - because she's not into it. And maybe the truth is that she will never be into it. But I'm not sure, because as I said before she seems in some way naturally dominant. But she's not going to be motivated to experiment and be playful and find ways to do that which please you both, if she is finding it hard to enjoy sex in general. And I really do think it sounds as if sex has lots of negative associations for her - some of the signs being: her unhappiness connected with her college years, her discomfort with PIV sex, her dislike of your 'mess' when you have sex.

A while back you wrote this:

After ten minutes, she asked me to stop and said it hurt (her moans of enjoyment were obviously fake). It was crushing to be honest. I tried to make it that it was no big deal and just said I'd jerk off quick...but she just sat there, silent and motionless and I was about to just give up.

THEN, she mounts me, pressing her pussy against the underside of my cock, and starts grinding on me. It felt good at first, but she must have just shaved the day before because there was slight stuble on her pussy lips that was rubbing against and hurting my dick. I went to roll her off me and she just leaned forward, pressing me down and kept riding until she eventually came. At one point I even tried to put my cock back inside her, but she stopped me. And it wasn't because she thought it was kinky or I'd like it, she just didn't want to fuck me.

These, to me, are really not the actions of someone who has no libido or is not capable of enjoying sex. This sounds like someone who (I mean your wife) is really horny and needs to get off, and doesn't mind being dominant while doing so - both great things, if they went along with your feeling that she was enjoying it as something you were doing together. But what she is actually doing is getting off while ensuring that there is a strictly regulated distance between you - literally, and emotionally - and that's the problem for you, I think. I would guess that if she was joyfully dominating you and using you for her sexual pleasure whilst denying you her pussy, you would find that really hot. But in the moment what you experience is her 'keeping you at arm's length'. That's why I think that it's not a problem that will be solved by you finding ways to get her to do what you want. It's a problem that will only be solved if you find a way of helping her to enjoy sex more.

I get that you have small kids and as others have said, that's never going to be an easy time sexually, so to some extent maybe you just have to be patient. And maybe PIV sex is never going to be her favourite thing, and of course that's fine too, everyone is different. But at the minute, from what you have written, it sounds like neither of you are particularly happy with your sex life and that's a shame, when it sounds like you have the raw materials at hand to make it better. It's a cliche but making sure your wife feels like she has intimacy with you outside the bedroom might make her feel more relaxed in the bedroom (and not need to have long conversations with you at bedtime) - especially difficult but also especially important with small children around. And it really does sound to me like she has some longstanding negative associations with sex. They won't be easy to uncover or talk about, but I feel like you might really benefit if you can have those hard conversations. I know you have talked a lot before but I'm guessing those conversations have involved talking a lot about what you like and want in bed (I know because I've been there). But actually, if she's struggling to feel ok about sex those kind of conversations are just pressure she doesn't know how to deal with - especially because she loves you and wants to please you. So no wonder you don't hear much coming back from her. She might well be sitting there silently, while inside she is freaking out as she doesn't know how to give you what you want - and of course that just adds to the pressure next time you have sex, and makes it more unlikely that you will both have a good time. I think if you start from a position of asking what's going on with her, and how you can make it better for her, you might get better results.

Anyway as I say that's only what I see - I can't possibly know what's going on for real from what you have written. But that's how I see what you have said, in the light of my own experience. I wish you both all the best, I really think you both deserve a better sex life and I believe that you can make that happen.

[drstrangelove]

I think it'd be interesting to hear how she was raised and what happened growing up.. I'm sure there's things there that lead her to letting herself go in college when people suddenly started giving her positive attention.

She comes from a great family with a younger sister. I'd say the only abnormality was that she moved around a bit because of her father's job. Specifically, she went overseas to London her sophomore year of high school and that was a big change. And then came back to school in the states while her family was still over there (for the first two years of her in college). Those were the crazy slutty two years, so I always just suspected it was her feeling alone and looking for attention. But it compounds on itself because by sleeping with new guys every week, some girls would treat her badly and she'd feel more alone. She had bfs in high school, but not in college--purely just sexual flings, until she met me.

She's very attractive, but I've always had the opinion that she didn't quite realize how hot she was in college. Her self-esteem just got run over with all the different guys treating her as a sex object. So then when we connected on a personal and emotional level, she realized how much more important that was to her. It also seems to have given her negative associations with that part of her life. Early in our relationship, I'd always push for her to tell me some of her sex stories--and she would, but for the most part, they all had one thing in common: she had zero agency in any of them (at least from college). It was always just different guys passing her around as a fuck doll. She never had orgasms from any of it, but claims she enjoyed it sometimes.

[drstrangelove]

Regarding our sex life in general now, she knows I require more sexual satisfaction that her, so telling me to go down on her seems to work best for her. It happened the other night--she has this habit of waiting until we get in bed and it's late to start having long conversations with me and she knows it drives me nuts. I do my best to listen and not turn anything into an argument right before bed.

She finished getting all the things off her mind and then just blurted out, "ok, now you can go down on me," as she pulled down her pants.

If I've understood what you are saying here, you often find that she will start a conversation once you get into bed, and you wait and don't argue in the hope that you will be able to have some kind of sex. This sounds to me an awful lot like she has found a way to barter with you for attention, because she knows what you want and that you will listen attentively because you are motivated to keep the mood right for sex. That's a shame for both of you, partly just because sex has become a transaction, and I don't think either of you should have to barter like that to get your needs met. It's not right that you are having to jump through hoops to get sex. And it's also not right that your wife has to jump through hoops to get some intimate conversation with you.

A lot to unpack in your post, but I do want to clarify my point about before-bed. I hope you're not right that it's her way of finding time for intimate conversation, but I'm sure there could be truth to that. I don't think there's an expectation of fooling around from either of us afterward. I think it's just there's not much time during the day where we can talk and that's probably the only time she has my undivided attention. With the pandemic and no vacation from our day-to-day, it all just compounds and she has a need to talk about her various conflicts (mostly work-related).

While I'm not sure of the underlying issue, I do think you're right that I need to do a better job of making sure she knows I'm available to listen.

[Hawthorne34]

Updates?

[Hawthorne34]

Updates?

[sissystlouis]

I'm late to the party, but I also had an ex gf who, after we broke up, would call me over to go down on her til she came hard, and then i would cum in my hand. That way there was "no sex" lol.

[sissystlouis]

And one time, when I went to get some of my panties from her place, she verbally made fun of me, while I milked myself.

[ItCouldBeMe]

Hi,
I am super impressed by your posts. I am also shocked how much I can relate to your wife. So many things are similar even her past promiscuous years, PIV pain factor, short and narrow list of things on the menu for ‘play’ a million more little things you’ve said could be coming from my husbands mouth I even hear his voice when I’m reading your posts!

I have a lot of thoughts about your current situation.

Reading I get flashbacks of the worst few years in my husband and I’s relationship. It all comes down to our miss matched sexual energies during the first few years after our children were born and before they both started full time school. Parenting for me especially when it’s 24/7 when they’re tiny is like the coldest icy shower you can imagine. Nappies, mothers groups, sleep deprivation, clingy kids the constant effort of trying to do a good job of all the things in parenting world, plus being a good wife, good employee, good daughter in-law just absolutely destroy’s your feeling of freedom and you do not feel carefree and relaxed and like an amazing sexy woman. You feel pressure EVERYONE needs all things from you.

I developed a major ick factor for sex with my husband. He did not turn me on. I never spelt that out to him because it probably would’ve made him pack his bags and leave me. We had a way to do the deed that on paper would’ve looked like ‘two satisfied customers’ but in reality we had both cum but he was bored and felt undesired (which he was) and I felt frustrated and a bit angry that even though I was putting in a big effort! he still wasn’t happy. It was shit for me too because he wasn’t lighting up my Christmas tree either but I had no mojo for talking about it and trying to improve it because I was in survival mode (keep hubby happy so he won’t leave =not sexy feelings). So the more intense, needy, whiny and pushy he got for me to entertain him and put on a good show so he could feel good about it and desired and satisfied, the more I stressed about it the more uptight I got our sessions lost all authenticity, and enthusiasm was out the window. It was just another job I had to do, so I found a way to get it done quickly and easily = boring rut.

Looking back I can see so many things that made the situation worse and probably last longer BUT what I can not see is any magic bullet that would’ve cured it, other than time passing and babies growing up into more self sufficient children. If we had known that the lull in passion would pass, we might have just relaxed and enjoyed what we’ve always loved doing together instead of trying to force or fake enthusiasm for the things that didn’t feel great.

Things are very excellent now, really exciting, interesting mind blowingly HOT but it wasn’t easy to get here and there was a lot of crap that we had to undo because we didn’t just chill out and love each other.

So please please stop giving your wife the ‘you’re doing a shit job of pleasing me’ vibe. Love her and enjoy what she is doing because she is putting in a massive effort. She cares about you and wants you to be fulfilled she just doesn’t have it in her... yet. She will come back to you and have time and the headspace to be playful and get her full happy, healthy, carefree sexual energy back/ or discover it for first time. Just stop trying to force it. Don’t start blaming her for your dissatisfaction or the resentment will build =not sexy!!

[drstrangelove]

Hi,
I am super impressed by your posts. I am also shocked how much I can relate to your wife. So many things are similar even her past promiscuous years, PIV pain factor, short and narrow list of things on the menu for ‘play’ a million more little things you’ve said could be coming from my husbands mouth I even hear his voice when I’m reading your posts!

I have a lot of thoughts about your current situation.

Reading I get flashbacks of the worst few years in my husband and I’s relationship. It all comes down to our miss matched sexual energies during the first few years after our children were born and before they both started full time school. Parenting for me especially when it’s 24/7 when they’re tiny is like the coldest icy shower you can imagine. Nappies, mothers groups, sleep deprivation, clingy kids the constant effort of trying to do a good job of all the things in parenting world, plus being a good wife, good employee, good daughter in-law just absolutely destroy’s your feeling of freedom and you do not feel carefree and relaxed and like an amazing sexy woman. You feel pressure EVERYONE needs all things from you.

I developed a major ick factor for sex with my husband. He did not turn me on. I never spelt that out to him because it probably would’ve made him pack his bags and leave me. We had a way to do the deed that on paper would’ve looked like ‘two satisfied customers’ but in reality we had both cum but he was bored and felt undesired (which he was) and I felt frustrated and a bit angry that even though I was putting in a big effort! he still wasn’t happy. It was shit for me too because he wasn’t lighting up my Christmas tree either but I had no mojo for talking about it and trying to improve it because I was in survival mode (keep hubby happy so he won’t leave =not sexy feelings). So the more intense, needy, whiny and pushy he got for me to entertain him and put on a good show so he could feel good about it and desired and satisfied, the more I stressed about it the more uptight I got our sessions lost all authenticity, and enthusiasm was out the window. It was just another job I had to do, so I found a way to get it done quickly and easily = boring rut.

Looking back I can see so many things that made the situation worse and probably last longer BUT what I can not see is any magic bullet that would’ve cured it, other than time passing and babies growing up into more self sufficient children. If we had known that the lull in passion would pass, we might have just relaxed and enjoyed what we’ve always loved doing together instead of trying to force or fake enthusiasm for the things that didn’t feel great.

Things are very excellent now, really exciting, interesting mind blowingly HOT but it wasn’t easy to get here and there was a lot of crap that we had to undo because we didn’t just chill out and love each other.

So please please stop giving your wife the ‘you’re doing a shit job of pleasing me’ vibe. Love her and enjoy what she is doing because she is putting in a massive effort. She cares about you and wants you to be fulfilled she just doesn’t have it in her... yet. She will come back to you and have time and the headspace to be playful and get her full happy, healthy, carefree sexual energy back/ or discover it for first time. Just stop trying to force it. Don’t start blaming her for your dissatisfaction or the resentment will build =not sexy!!

Holy shit. This is such an incredible post. Thank you. It felt like I was reading a post from my wife in the future.

I feel confident you’re 100% correct, so the challenge is just waiting it out and dealing with my own sexual frustration.

I’d love to understand a little more of your process out of the rut—I’m open to DM if you don’t want to publicly share. I’d love to know if there were things you wanted your husband to do. Any insight is appreciated!

[60dCommon]

@ItCouldBeMe - friend added. Wish there were more like this.

[mf2hd82]

My wife and I have similar sex life. I have never let her know of my cuckold fantasies and I know she would never cuckold me. However she just plain has no sex drive what so ever. She never initiates and rarely even wants me to eat her out, which I love to do and think I am quite good at.

But what is similar is the fact she enjoys giving me handjobs and also watching me masturbate to her. It's gotten to the point where after we go out on a date night and after seeing her dressed sexy all night I will beg her for a special hand job. And a special hand job is when she jacks me off with a pair of her leather panties and lube because I have a huge fetish for leather.

Or on even more special occasions when she is wearing leather pants, which are my weakness. She will stay completely clothed and I will get naked. We'll get in bed and she will allow me to hump her in her leather pants. In the missionary position she will put her legs over my shoulders. This allows me a gap between her legs just above her pussy that I can fuck and get off on. All while feeling her leather legs on my chest and shoulders and holding them and caressing them.

I love to pretend she's cucking me and I just get handjobs and humping while her man gets her pussy.

[Burt]

Hey - DrStrangelove,
You are in the situation I (rut) Im in. I have plainly and in every way admitted to being a hotwife / cuckol wannabee to my wife over the years and have recently backed off during the few sex sessions we've had unless she says she wants to get that conversation going. She has a dominant side but acts like I need to make the first move. then she rejects it. She lets me rub her feet and feel up her legs but rarely does it get us in the sack any more. i have to ake her some where out of town- and he stars have to be aligned to get her in the mood. She has obviously been hurt by a former lover or is holding back and distancing me for some unknown reason. Im looking for answers too - but my kids are older and out of the house= except one is back now during Covid. Best of luck to both of us. Any advice is always welcome on this board.

[drstrangelove]

Sorry, it's been awhile since the update, but I didn't feel like I had much more to add until now. An interesting development has arisen that I figured I'd document/report back on.

So as I've noted, her preference is to be on her back during oral (also missionary during rare sex). However, I often push for mixing it up and am denied--she'll just say: "noooo, let's just do it like this..." in a lighthearted way.

However, the last few times we've played (three of the last four times--all oral sex), she's pushed for being on top, sitting on my face in 69. She'll give me a hj or a bj a bit, but largely focused on grinding on my face/tongue to an orgasm. She cums relatively quick and then rolls off and I'll jerk myself off while I feel her up a bit.

The last time, the other night, she was fairly forceful in wanting to do it even when I didn't want to do it. I wasn't feeling great and just wanted to go to bed, but ultimately, she just swung her leg over and her butt was in my face. She played with me a bit until I was warmed up and dove in and she grinded hard on my tongue until she came.

Ultimately, it's not much of a difference between her on her back and me cuming in my pants--in both scenarios, the result is her orgasm on my face and my orgasm on myself--but this, through the nature of it, feels significantly more dominant.

I'm not complaining about it, but just grappling with where it leads. She tends to stick with the things she likes, so I'm not expecting this to be a fluke, but rather a common occurrence moving forward.

[sub husband]

Her way of having “sex” with you sounds so erotic. I’ve had very similiar experiences including how my wife and I have “sex”. Keep updating us, it’s all pretty hot.

[realcucklife]

Definitely sounds a more dom position.
is she having you eat her ass at the same time? This would be another subtle step up as well.