Shaun89 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:19 pm
Hi everyone.
She did indeed come back last night, just after I got back from work.
It went well. To cut a 2 hour conversation short, I said I wasn't comfortable with the current situation and I was concerned it is going to cause us to break up. She reacted to this a bit teary, and reassured me that she wouldn't leave and had never considered leaving me for him. She does love him, that much is true. But that doesn't mean its more than she loves me, and she would not throw away what we have for anyone else irrespective of love. She wanted to explore those feelings with him and was swept up with that momentarily and didn't want to lose either of us. She thought I had agreed to it all (which I did in all honesty, but didn't communicate my true feelings did I...not really her fault if I just agree when I'm tired). She asked what I wanted her to do to make me feel better. I know her, she was being sincere in her face. She said she had already sent lots of photos and some videos as requested before and communicated more as I'd asked, and was arranging with him a meet for all of us and said she had put her foot down and said to him it was going to happen (as she noticed I was feeling a bit numb to it all even with the offer of helping to find another woman and I was being quiet). She actually was sorting that with him this week and he agreed to it. I said that I wanted her to not speak to him whilst on his work trip, and that I might veto it either way and asked if she would agree if I did decide to do so. She said she would if that's what I wanted. I said I wanted time to think and for her to just clear her head a little with some space and distance.
It went well! Phew. We then had some explosive make up sex (without condoms!) and we both got off. She said that I wasn't the first man to cum in her today, which still turned me on a bit... My brain is weird. But I'm glad we had the conversation we should have had a while ago in August, but properly this time.
Rather than a wall of text for the main other points of conversation, I'll write my questions and her answers below (these were not texts, but in person but in other threads it made it easier for me to read them so I'll also do them similarly here):
Me - Why do you reserve anal for him?
Her - It's a dom/sub thing. I see him as dominant because that is all I have really known him as. He does have a soft side but initially it was just dominant sex so that's what I associate him with. I don't really like anal, but like the powerplay. I don't see you as very dominant or submissive so didn't really want to do it with you as I don't like it unless it's rough or in a dominant way. I know you can't be rough with me so that's why I reserved it for him. I shouldn't have withheld it though from you, if you want to try it with me, then I am all for it. But you have to be dominant with it!
Me - Do you really love him?
Her - I'm sorry but I do. I didn't think it was possible to love two partners, but it is.
Me - Why do you let him cum in your mouth?
Her - If I'm honest, his cum tastes of nothing and swallowing it doesn't bother me. I didn't like doing it but now it's just something I do and I don't get anything from it, he does, and I like to please. He is quiet when he cums and came very quickly from a blowjob once, and it tasted of nothing so I continued to do it. Yours tastes very bitter from precum and I'm not sure I could swallow your full load. It's just a taste thing and it's nothing personal (I get this, I'm not forcing anyone to have something in their mouth they don't like. I won't do rimming, for example. Plus my diet isn't the best... )
Me - Do you have sex more than we do?
Her - We usually have sex twice a day at a minimum. Once in the morning quickly and then an hour or two session on the night.
Me - Do you want to see him again?
Her - Yes, I really do. I like being around him and I like the sex. I am in love with him, but it's early love. Not anything like ours. I don't love him more than our relationship, and if you say not to see him again I won't, but I may be a bit upset, but I'll get over it eventually. I have been seeing him a lot recently because I knew his work trip was coming up and then it's the festive period and we're mega busy. But I will tone it way down if we continue, and I will agree any time periods with you first.
Me - Who's better in bed?
Her - Same as the anal thing, it's more of a power play with him. I ultimately prefer normal sex and I prefer that with you. I don't want you to become all super dominant as its someone you're not and I enjoy our sex for different reasons. Your lovemaking is far better than his, but hard fucking is his domain and he puts me through my paces. But it doesn't mean I want that all the time.
Me - Does he get off on humiliating me or telling you what to do to me? Does he see anyone else?
Her - He doesn't really mention you that often. He never bad mouths you or requests me to do anything to you. He likes you as a person, he just didn't like performing in front of other men as its not his thing. As far as I know he only sees me, and I've never saw anything to the contrary. I'm enough for him to handle! (this broke the ice a little and made me smile). We just fell for each other, it just happened.
Me - Is their anything else you've done with him sexually that we haven't?
Her - We had outdoor sex, which I was nervous about and wouldn't do again as we almost got caught. He ties me up every now and again which I enjoy. I wake him up with a blowjob sometimes. But nothing really major, but we do have a lot more sex than we do because it's the newness. It's something we must change and we have to stop putting all of our time into renovation and more into us and sex (she has a point).
Just to reply to people whilst I have time (having a break from work) as I won't be able to respond over the weekend as she's home and I don't want her to know I've been talking about it behind her back.
Bighotmess/36DDwife - I'm not a fan of conflict and there was no point her coming back when I wouldn't be there. She did come back for when I got home as requested so it worked out. I didn't want to start on bad footing.
Suncoastcouple - She said in the past he's not really clingy, just very chilled and calm. I've now read a lot of the messages between them and he doesn't seem very clingy, just normal chat (and the usual sexting talk).
Jaxunman - A few people have been blunt, which is fine, but I never discounted her as much as others have. I never called an attorney or started to cancel cards and accounts. It seemed very premature. I do believe I'm mature, but avoid conflict and like I said, very passive due to this, mainly due to my upbringing (parents arguing every day etc). I don't think I can really change that, but I am trying. He's slightly older, but only by a few years. You are right, this break away will help her any fog, but she seemed very coherent with me last night already. Regarding your later comment, yes. I have told her that IF we continue, then I don't want her ideally stopping over more than 1 night and I want to be involved at least every other meeting, starting with the next one. She said that was fine, and wanted to make it work for us but if I didn't feel comfortable as mentioned, she would give it up. I've asked for his number too and may text him to start a conversation soon (not sure what to talk about though). We honestly ran through a lot of scenarios.
Msn75 - I think orgasm brain is a thing, I've seen her during it. It's actually very erotic for me to view. In regards to the condom, she says it broke and they continued because the damage was already done, and he had proof of cleanliness. She prefers bareback sex and the feeling of cum inside her and he said he gets tested every few months. She genuinely believes him, and I've seen the proof. I think in this instance he's as close to clean as can be.
XYAlpha - Yay, someone who is positive for me! She has agreed to go basically no contact with him over the next couple weeks (bar telling him that she is doing so via text) and will wait to see what I want to do, although we discussed various options on how to progress (or end) this. She does believe he loves her back and so I share your concern over her being his sole focus, but she has reassured me he is not an aggressive person even though he is dominant and won't turn up randomly or try to steal her. This rings true as my wife hates anyone who is violent, aggressive, possessive etc (again due to upbringing). I am sorry to hear of your situation. Now I see how it can get to that point, but I believe it is not lost yet. Just needed clearing up.
Afagehi7 - I did my homework and asked what I needed to, I felt like everything has been asked. You may be right that if it ever happened, then maybe their relationship would fall apart quickly, but I don't think it will get to that. I think most people are painting him to be evil, but I don't believe so. The main problem here is my issue with communication and her falling in love and getting slightly carried away. No one died. I never got the impression he was a bad guy when I was with him at the start and my wife has explicitly assured me he's not a bad person. I actually don't think he could do better than my wife, personality or looks, and this is why I believe he has fallen for her. I fell for her hard when I met her and I couldn't help it. When we used to swing there was literally no one who would turn us (mainly her) down.
2up - We are in our late 20s, and you advice is basically what happened last night. I talked about how we got off our path and wanted to get back on it with or without him and how to go about it. I do feel a lot better after our conversation and I'm glad I brought her back early. She didn't once berate me or mention that she had been brought back forcefully which I half expected. She just seemed concerned. She seemed completely honest when I asked her any questions.
Stag78 - I can see where you're coming from with the cuckold thing. You tell me, I like my wife getting fucked into heaven (preferably in front of me), I like to be involved if possible (but I don't mind just watching), I don't like being humiliated, I don't think I have a small cock (pretty decent size), I don't want my wife taken from me and although I like being told what to do by her sexually, it's within reason and I like being dominant with her just as much (but not to his levels). Maybe a grey area?
Tojanman11/Xalar - The talk did go well, and I see us progessing further over the coming weeks of no contact. He didn't come with her, and I believe he also seemed concerned with my wellbeing (but I wasn't there obviously to see this) apparently so I don't think it will be a massive surprise that she is having a break.
Slenderfish - From other posts in the forums, I see this topic is fairly common, so just take heed from me being this far down the line, go slower than you think you want too and obviously communicate better than I did. And when you do, make sure those rules are stuck to! Hah. I'm glad you find my life hot! I do aswell at times. In between all this the videos and photos have turned me on a hell of a lot... She is fire when she is being fucked. She has a voice of an angel when she cums and is a little pocket rocket with unlimited sexual energy when she's turned on. She only hid things from me because she didn't want to hurt me, and although I can see people disagreeing with me on this, I understand why and I forgive her for it. She did tell me in the end and without me finding out and confrontating her with it, so that's something.
Veub - She did consider my opinion and has taken it all in and we are working on it. I expected a bigger fight, but it went pretty smoothly. The only part she initially didn't like was me potentially vetoing her not seeing him ever again but agreed to it if I said so. Her face gave it away slightly. I have not invoked it yet however. I need to think on it. He is an ideal bull. We'll see.
TomG - I will keep it in mind, but I dont need to go there yet. I'm the half of the couple that sorts all of the banking and bills anyway, she wouldn't know where to start. I could do it very quickly if needs be. I don't need to yet though.
FNQ - Quality answer, thankyou. I try to be a decent human being, and me fucking her against her wishes without a condom is not a bridge I want to cross. It was just the communication we needed to sort, and it was only for a short while. We didn't get to speak much in between work and renovation and her not being there, so what is agreed when tired and dismissive is suddenly realised later but I'd already agreed so it was too late. And I didn't rectify it either so that's on me. Its sorted now. No condoms for me.
Anyway, I probably won't update for a while because I want to focus on us for the next couple weeks, but will pop back at some point to update. I do feel happier, I think a lot of my unhappiness came from my own inaction, which has been rectified. Thanks guys.
Shaun