Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[slenderfish]

There is a lot of this going on without your direct knowledge or with a significant delay.

Case in point, "And this is where we sit, the letter did go out. And of course he replied positively, but I haven't seen it and Slenderwife hasn't mentioned anything about it yet."

I understand you are giving her considerable latitude to make this first event happen solely on her terms but the secrecy and withholding of information could continue unless she understands that she is operating this way initially but that you expect more information and timely information for the future events. Is this your desire or do you find being "information cucked" thrilling? What is your plan for that?

You may end up with a HW that doesn't share! And that would be a tragedy!

XY

I have, indeed, been giving a lot of latitude, and I agree it's too much. But not for now, in my opinion. She is still moving to what "she gets out of it" and once that's more fully established in her mind, I have a better platform to remind her of what "I get out of it" in turn.

To restate, I'm letting it move from the original "all about me" in her mind to "all about her" until it balances, then I assert "all about us" in order for this to work on a go-forward basis. It's a fine balance but I bet it's achievable.

I am monitoring her level of desire as my guide on this element.

Am also aware that her natural inclinations on these points default to keeping to herself. That is a natural hurdle to overcome. A potentially big hurdle. Got to keep it from becoming insurmountable.

She knows that at some point I'm hoping for photos, video, and even participation. She said not sure at this point she can see how that would could happen. But she is just starting to approach the HW concept and it's baby steps with missteps along the way. As expected.

If she has desire, she will push along herself, and momentum will then be involved. Momentum that requires new energy to change. I think we presently have just the smallest amount of momentum that could easily be stopped. I'm encouraging a bit more momentum, for example, building on the Mr. S foundation and accommodating SW request to travel in October (a month earlier than previously planned).

[BallSpanking]

I would caution there is a fine line between gentle suggestion and inquiry, and quashing her incipient explorations.
Your wife herself may not be sure how far she would allow this to proceed on the next date, given the many variables and imponderables.

My sense is that she is being as truthful with you as she can be, given the uncertainty and newness of this experience for her ... So ... gentle inquiry, yes, but be sure not to 'harsh her mellow'.

[TheHammer]

Fast forwarding a year, what would you think of any of these scenarios:

BBC
MFM with you
MFM without you
Picks up a stranger in a bar and fucks him without getting his name and comes home with cum drenched panties
Fucked 10+ different guys over the past year
Much younger guy
Much older guy who has her doing things you think she would never do

[slenderfish]

Fast forwarding a year, what would you think of any of these scenarios:

BBC
MFM with you
MFM without you
Picks up a stranger in a bar and fucks him without getting his name and comes home with cum drenched panties
Fucked 10+ different guys over the past year
Much younger guy
Much older guy who has her doing things you think she would never do

I like this post! Thanks for the opportunity to wax about these:

BBC -This is my ultimate fantasy, to see her live and watch from behind as she slides her tight pretty body onto his cock, cowgirl position, looking at that fabulous ass.

MFM with you - Second highest fantasy. Tag team spitroast.

MFM without you - Hot hot hot that she would be so randy and sexy to want this and to do it. I'd happily arrange.

Picks up a stranger in a bar and fucks him without getting his name and comes home with cum drenched panties - Yum, similar to the randiness immediately above.

Fucked 10+ different guys over the past year - Yes Yes Yes

Much younger guy - Young guys (20-somethings) have tried to pick her up over the past couple of years when she was on a trip to NYC with her girlfriend. She told me about their awkward efforts. Was a big turn-on for me. Would likely be as well if she did it.

Much older guy who has her doing things you think she would never do - That is a solid fantasy I'd not thought about but apparently she has thought about being with an older, much wealthier man, and has recently expressed it to me. Not that it's a fantasy of hers, but when she was trying to re-approach (after the flub of Mr. S) she talked about this concept.

[afagehi7]

I still don't understand why Mr. S is back to the front of the line. Sure, I get giving him a second chance but I think there is something more than just a second chance. She must really like something about him. I believe there's a deeper reason than a second chance.

[54321]

It sounds like things are now on track.

when SW shared my fantasy with this friend ("Dr. K") she said not to worry about it, that she's encountered so many husband kinks indirectly via wives she's treated as a doctor, that this one is basically "tame" and she should go for it, it's just sex and sex is "no big deal" anyway. This keeps echoing in her mind.

Dr K is an interesting character. A future wing woman/partner in crime?

54321

[BallSpanking]

Of the fantasy options on the list, was the 'older male' with lots of money fantasy which Slenderwife mentioned in passing. Of all the options mentioned, it strikes me it is the only one she expressed any interest in exploring.

While it is potentially a solid fantasy, it is important the man be experienced and in good physical shape, if he is going to be able to please Slenderwife the way she needs. To be sure, there are probably a number of wealthy, handsome, experienced Doms out there, and that would closely resemble the sugar daddy fantasy. What is the point of having an older, wealthier lover if she cannot enjoy the benefits that come with that, like weekend escapes to Crete, etc.

The MFM, BBC and other fantasies are all possibilities eventually, depending on how Mrs Slenderwife progresses, but I can understand why she would find this option attractive, it holds a lot of promise.

[slenderfish]

Quick thoughts:

Mr. S is the front of the line because she at some level does want to get her HW carrying card. He is clear and present. He also represents the younger, handsome and fit guy category.

She likes the older wealthy "sugar daddy" (my usage not hers) in my opinion because she is quite oriented to lifestyle stuff. I've suggested over the past couple of years images of a boyfriend who whisks her off somewhere exotic on his private jet, etc. I think it leads back to her "first love" boyfriend where this was the lifestyle of his family, and he certainly inherited it. She at some level "deserves" it in her mind. My impressions only here. I'll also note that she and I do have quite the lifestyle, but not at the crazy upper end.

Also worth noting that neither she nor I come from any kind of family money. So we are a good cultural fit with each other. I believe she has accepted in her mind that she wouldn't be happy married to someone who didn't have to earn it. But I also observe she could certainly enjoy from time to time.

[4expcouple]

Quick thoughts:

Mr. S is the front of the line because she at some level does want to get her HW carrying card. He is clear and present. He also represents the younger, handsome and fit guy category.

She likes the older wealthy "sugar daddy" (my usage not hers) in my opinion because she is quite oriented to lifestyle stuff. I've suggested over the past couple of years images of a boyfriend who whisks her off somewhere exotic on his private jet, etc. I think it leads back to her "first love" boyfriend where this was the lifestyle of his family, and he certainly inherited it. She at some level "deserves" it in her mind. My impressions only here. I'll also note that she and I do have quite the lifestyle, but not at the crazy upper end.

Also worth noting that neither she nor I come from any kind of family money. So we are a good cultural fit with each other. I believe she has accepted in her mind that she wouldn't be happy married to someone who didn't have to earn it. But I also observe she could certainly enjoy from time to time.

Maybe a sugar daddy and a couple of his well heeled friends on a jet to Vegas?

[slenderfish]

It sounds like things are now on track.

when SW shared my fantasy with this friend ("Dr. K") she said not to worry about it, that she's encountered so many husband kinks indirectly via wives she's treated as a doctor, that this one is basically "tame" and she should go for it, it's just sex and sex is "no big deal" anyway. This keeps echoing in her mind.

Dr K is an interesting character. A future wing woman/partner in crime?

54321

Dr. K is very interesting, and also very beautiful. Dark hair. These two were quite the pair of single women back in NYC in the day.

But Dr. K is overworked, the Covid situation very heavy, she has a husband who she married for looks over finanicial capacity and therefore she's the primary, they have a kid who is "an asshole" as she once said to Slenderwife after too may glasses of wine.

So she's out of state and out of time.

Otherwise perfect.

[slenderfish]

Okay, here's the rundown on the HW activity for last week:

1) All set to head back to her hometown area in mid-October. Mr. S is back in the picture. Travel arrangements completed. SW has not mentioned anything about Mr. S at this point.

2) We are hosting a good-bye moving party for Ms. M next Saturday night. Sent out the e-vites on Thursday (invited guest +1 if they like) and the first to reply was Mr. B. Note that we limit the number of attendees for Covid reasons, and after we received the invitee request list from Ms. M, the remaining slots are filled by SW and me. I asked SW for her request list, in order of preference, so that I might manage the count, especially when we receive "regrets" etc. First on the list was Mr. B. I asked her if Ms. R (Mr. B's FB) is invited separately and the answer was "no, he can invite her as his date if he likes." His RSVP came in as for himself only.

3) We had our first HW coaching session on Thursday early afternoon. Seems like a good resource. The Coach comes from a premise of sensuality and sexual fulfillment as a priority, while also keeping equal priority on the marriage. Next session same time on Thursday upcoming.

4) I'm going to introduce some reading material, basic stuff on the basis of women's sexuality, capacity to love, etc.

That's the update.

[superb101]

She obviously has a thing for Mr. B!

[coastalkid]

Did you come away with anything thing from the first "coaching" session? I'm interested in what she says about the balance of sensuality and sexual fulfillment as a priority, while also keeping equal priority on the marriage. Did the coach say anything specific to you about what to expect? It sure seems like everything is going right for you. Keep up the posts! This is fun to follow, thank you!

[afagehi7]

She obviously has a thing for Mr. B!

Curious (or concerning) that she won't admit it.

[superb101]

She obviously has a thing for Mr. B!

Curious (or concerning) that she won't admit it.

So true. Maybe its just too tough for her to admit it;like theres is just too much emotion, etc. connected to him to admit it and shes hoping her husband just figures it out on his own(?)

[BallSpanking]

Given your minute attention to detail, and potential roadblocks, I think you have smoothed her path to HW'ing as much as any man could, without encroaching on any pressure. Slenderwife seems quite adult and well grounded I'm her observations and expectations. It would not be surprising if she returns from her Oct. trip as a HW.

[54321]

3) We had our first HW coaching session on Thursday early afternoon. Seems like a good resource. The Coach comes from a premise of sensuality and sexual fulfillment as a priority, while also keeping equal priority on the marriage. Next session same time on Thursday upcoming.

Interesting. Who's the coach?

54321

[slenderfish]

She obviously has a thing for Mr. B!

A couple of presently-relevant points regarding SW as relates to Mr. B:

1) She has now twice requested that I sit down with Mr. B to discuss that night in mid-August (e.g. the security clips). I've been resisting that until now. I figured best to keep him outside our conversations about that night. My rationale is that he clearly is fond of her and is waiting for an opening that she may present. It remains in her court, unless or until something changes. She believes that he will put to rest any thoughts that even though they "slept together" the didn't "sleep together" if you get the meaning here.

2 Tomorrow mid-day I will drive the 45 min south and meet with Mr. B for a business discussion. Just confirmed it about five min ago. I told SW about it, of course. It's going to be all professional.

My thoughts are now considering what it might look like if, after we do our business stuff, we meet for cocktails later and I move the conversation to SW. I'd ultimately love to let him know that we are going down this HW path and that I've been observing the "dance" that SW is putting him through. I could give him the green light, etc. but also let him know that she is tiptoeing ever so carefully at this point. This might make it easier on him. Then I later bring SW up to speed that I've shared with him.

SW knows that his marriage was "monogamish" for the past 10 years (it's finally divorcing now that most of the kids are grown and out of the house).

Any thoughts/suggestions/impressions?

[coastalkid]

She obviously has a thing for Mr. B!

A couple of presently-relevant points regarding SW as relates to Mr. B: ..........Any thoughts/suggestions/impressions?

It's not manipulation. Your wife shouldn't be too upset, especially if you report that Mr. B convinced you that they didn't "sleep Together" while they were "sleeping together". It sounds like she wants that cleared up and this could be a good opportunity to put that one behind you. Just thinking out loud.

[slenderfish]

3) We had our first HW coaching session on Thursday early afternoon. Seems like a good resource. The Coach comes from a premise of sensuality and sexual fulfillment as a priority, while also keeping equal priority on the marriage. Next session same time on Thursday upcoming.

Interesting. Who's the coach?

54321

This in more detail in other thread "Therapist Risk...." in this Hotwife forum.

[afagehi7]

Why not float the idea by SW to see if she's kewl with him knowing? Perhaps have an unrelated reason to tell him? Some BS like you think he may have been a swinger with his wife. You'd have to think about a reason that works. This makes it safe for SW as opposed to telling him you are interested in him bedding SW. A good reason unrelated to the potential hookup is critical to this plan. She'll probably get off knowing that he knows she's considering being a naughty little monkey but probably doesn't want him to know that he's a potential candidate. She wants him to know he's a candidate but outwardly...ya know, the way she doesn't want to admit he's a candidate... you gotta make her comfortable that you're protecting her position even though we all know she wants him.

Other thoughts are is it better to ask forgiveness than permission

[slenderfish]

Given your minute attention to detail, and potential roadblocks, I think you have smoothed her path to HW'ing as much as any man could, without encroaching on any pressure. Slenderwife seems quite adult and well grounded I'm her observations and expectations. It would not be surprising if she returns from her Oct. trip as a HW.

Last night in passing she finally mentioned that she had heard back from Mr. S and that he replied in the exact manner as anticipated, that he was sorry for his misstep and that he is clearly attracted to SW and would love to see her again and will restrain himself.

She didn't elaborate any more on it and then proceeded to ask me to change the hotel reservation from my name to her name (as I did last time). I teased that I will instead change it to the name of Mr. S. or at least add him to the folio for a room key. She laughed just a tiny bit.

I think she is trying to downplay any convo regarding Mr. S at this point, to keep me at bay with my fully-contained eagerness.

And I'm happy to focus on the present, which includes Mr. B. meeting tomorrow and his attendance on Saturday. If he doesn't invite a date (which I think may be likely) then I also wonder if he will revert back to his assumption of staying overnight in the guest room to avoid driving. Proximity begets opportunity.

[BallSpanking]

The delicious thing about the current circumstance is that every social situation is redolent with opportunity for Slenderwife.
Of course, she is too pragmatic to initiate anything that could compromise herself (and her marriage), but the palette of possibilities engages her imagination, her curiosity, as she learns to listen to her own body, and let it lead the way.

[Mark K]

Given your minute attention to detail, and potential roadblocks, I think you have smoothed her path to HW'ing as much as any man could, without encroaching on any pressure. Slenderwife seems quite adult and well grounded I'm her observations and expectations. It would not be surprising if she returns from her Oct. trip as a HW.

Last night in passing she finally mentioned that she had heard back from Mr. S and that he replied in the exact manner as anticipated, that he was sorry for his misstep and that he is clearly attracted to SW and would love to see her again and will restrain himself.

This is fantastic. She has taken back control of the situation. He will be eager to follow her lead now, where ever it goes or does not go, it appears.

[slenderfish]

The delicious thing about the current circumstance is that every social situation is redolent with opportunity for Slenderwife.
Of course, she is too pragmatic to initiate anything that could compromise herself (and her marriage), but the palette of possibilities engages her imagination, her curiosity, as she learns to listen to her own body, and let it lead the way.

Ballspank, you are on point!

As much as I'm tempted to push this along, I still think it's best to allow SW to continue permitting her mind to roam, to mentally try on some of these possibilities as concepts, to develop more desire.

At the same time, I also know that she sometimes needs a push when trying new things and she relies on me for that. Hard to know exactly... but of course playing it cool and careful is generally the safer bet.

That is, no real risk in letting her develop and lead the way as she decides best (except the passage of time). Great risk in interceding and then being wrong.

I also continue to remind myself that this journey is so much of the reward. Kind of like browsing porn magazines (in the old days); the browsing itself is interesting and once a selection is made, then you buy it and much of the fun evaporates. I imagine this is the same feeling that SW has when she is browsing at her favorite clothing store (or even online). I laughingly refer to her fashion browsing on the internet as her clothes-porn habit, replete with the dopamine boost etc. She does not reject the notion.