Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[tojanman]

Grats SW!! Such a cursory overview of the trip though... I was hoping for/ anticipating the the typical in-depth, detail-oriented Slenderfish post. I’m sure that’s still coming as you might still be digesting all information, emotions and imagery.

I’m picturing what Mr S must’ve seen that night. Did he grab her hair while she went down on him? Did he return the favor? Her beautifully sculpted ass (From all that cycling) raised in the air and wagging at him as came around her from behind...

Did he deliver on her expectations? Or was his sexual prowess all talk? Was he gentle or did he take what he wanted?

Apologize for rambling but these experiences allow a woman to sexually reinvent herself in ways that she might limit herself to previously. She can allow herself to do and experience things that she can’t or won’t with her husband Because it’s a new fresh start. And that’s the unique aspect of the hotwife experience, because it’s such a grab bag of possibilities as you watch your beautiful wife’ sexuality evolve.

Looking forward to hearing more as you find time to respond.

[54321]

Great news.

Reclaim? How do you both feel about it? There is probably a lot of processing to do. Both of you have to get accustomed to a new 'normal'.

54321

[BallSpanking]

Congratulations to you and SW!
May she now learn to enjoy her sexual freedom.

[Mark K]

Great to hear! I hope both of you are simply beaming today, and that the reclaiming was an epic experience for you! Many congrats on the slow and steady effort, determination, confidence and courage as a couple to take the leap. Hopefully the rewards to your relationship will be more than you you imagined in your wildest dreams.

Wow, SW is a Hotwife! Incredible!

[KyGrappler80]

Well, well. Thanks for the update.

[Triggershy]

I have bee hanging onto every word you write. You are THE MAN!!! Congratulations you deserve this.

I promise you there is no better feeling in the world then a used filled stretched pussy.

I’m truly happy for you. Hopefully your days will be filled with NRE and she will be off and running before you know it she will be fucking guys just for fun. Mark my words. Three dates will turn into three drinks and then.........

I hope you have a permanent smile on your face today. Send her flowers!!!

[Mark K]

Send her flowers!!!

This. Fantastic suggestion.

[slenderfish]

When you update, can you elaborate on your feelings during the radio silence, when you collected her at the airport and then when she was telling you the details as well as her feelings during and post.
She certainly didn't call you straight after looking for assurance......

I do want to delve into this radio silence element. I was giving her the room she seemed to desire, to go along as she is most comfortable. It's a double-edged sword, in that it deprives me of the ability to know what she is doing, to enjoy the little developments and details that seem to comprise so much of the hotwife-husband experience. I need to develop a conversation about why this is okay for me only early in the process, and not as an ongoing approach.

She seems to prefer to be on her own here. in my mind there is a line to find a balance, wherein she is able to have her private thoughts, conversations (?) and other stuff, but not to the point where she is carrying on a secretive affair. A secretive affair doesn't seem right.

So at this point she is going on her own and then giving me a brief (minimal) update, all at once. You'll see more of what I'm talking about here, when I provide the broader update at some point today. Seems I have to ask for the details and she is willing to share, but isn't at all getting into the spirit of this, at least from what she knows I prefer.

[KyGrappler80]

I think acknowledging it's natural for her to desire to keep some of this for herself, and at the same time, that it's not an affair, so there needs to be some give and take, is good. Negotiations, I suspect, are in your skill set. Seems to have been so far. But not pressing probably the best approach.

[54321]

So at this point she is going on her own and then giving me a brief (minimal) update, all at once. You'll see more of what I'm talking about here, when I provide the broader update at some point today. Seems I have to ask for the details and she is willing to share, but isn't at all getting into the spirit of this, at least from what she knows I prefer.

There's no point doing this unless both your needs are being met.
It's the sharing of the experience. It's the flirtation between you. It's the fact that her experiencing another lover ads to her attraction, that you enjoy desiring her more and that she enjoy being desired, that the passion of your relationship is intensified.

Without this, instead of being a Hotwife Husband, you would be a Wittol... someone who is knowingly cuckolded and just puts up with it.

Now, this may be just shyness, embarrassment and a fear of upsetting you. This is where the deep communication comes in... where you share with each other what it is about this Lifestyle that turns you on. You are both going to have to reveal so much about yourselves to each other. This is yet another scary bit, but as so many successful hotwifing couples testify, it can take your relationship to another level of love and intimacy.

Every good wish.

54321

[samlowen]

The Pareto principle might be some help for you in regards to sharing information. We try to reserve 20% of conversations, activities etc for my wife and her lover to keep between them and the other 80% is shared with me. This has worked very well for us while still giving my wife space to have her own separate relationship, something both of us think is essential our long term success.

[XYAlpha]

So at this point she is going on her own and then giving me a brief (minimal) update, all at once. You'll see more of what I'm talking about here, when I provide the broader update at some point today. Seems I have to ask for the details and she is willing to share, but isn't at all getting into the spirit of this, at least from what she knows I prefer.

There's no point doing this unless both your needs are being met.
It's the sharing of the experience. It's the flirtation between you. It's the fact that her experiencing another lover ads to her attraction, that you enjoy desiring her more and that she enjoy being desired, that the passion of your relationship is intensified.

Without this, instead of being a Hotwife Husband, you would be a Wittol... someone who is knowingly cuckolded and just puts up with it.

Now, this may be just shyness, embarrassment and a fear of upsetting you. This is where the deep communication comes in... where you share with each other what it is about this Lifestyle that turns you on. You are both going to have to reveal so much about yourselves to each other. This is yet another scary bit, but as so many successful hotwifing couples testify, it can take your relationship to another level of love and intimacy.

Every good wish.

54321

Excellent post!


XY

[XYAlpha]

The Pareto principle might be some help for you in regards to sharing information. We try to reserve 20% of conversations, activities etc for my wife and her lover to keep between them and the other 80% is shared with me. This has worked very well for us while still giving my wife space to have her own separate relationship, something both of us think is essential our long term success.

This sounds good... unless the 20% are really important topics for you and the marriage or things that you "expect to be shared... maybe even some of the activities.

Somehow you must have some guidlines about what can be kept from you!

XY

[slenderfish]

So at this point she is going on her own and then giving me a brief (minimal) update, all at once. You'll see more of what I'm talking about here, when I provide the broader update at some point today. Seems I have to ask for the details and she is willing to share, but isn't at all getting into the spirit of this, at least from what she knows I prefer.

There's no point doing this unless both your needs are being met.
It's the sharing of the experience. It's the flirtation between you. It's the fact that her experiencing another lover ads to her attraction, that you enjoy desiring her more and that she enjoy being desired, that the passion of your relationship is intensified.

Without this, instead of being a Hotwife Husband, you would be a Wittol... someone who is knowingly cuckolded and just puts up with it.

Now, this may be just shyness, embarrassment and a fear of upsetting you. This is where the deep communication comes in... where you share with each other what it is about this Lifestyle that turns you on. You are both going to have to reveal so much about yourselves to each other. This is yet another scary bit, but as so many successful hotwifing couples testify, it can take your relationship to another level of love and intimacy.

Every good wish.

54321

Yes, I noted to her last night that we will, as a requirement but also benefit, need to go to a deeper level of trust and communication. Not sure she understands at this point, but I put it out there for subconscious consumption, if anything.

I'm trying to determine the best time to assert my needs. Again, it's a balancing act. I believe I can make requests that she will accommodate, more easily as her desire grows. At the same time, I have to avoid things becoming a precedent and therefore difficult to change later. We are in this early place where all is getting established. Kind of in the pre-negotiation stage, sizing up the opportunity and where each other sits/stands.

No Wittol for me!

[slenderfish]

The Pareto principle might be some help for you in regards to sharing information. We try to reserve 20% of conversations, activities etc for my wife and her lover to keep between them and the other 80% is shared with me. This has worked very well for us while still giving my wife space to have her own separate relationship, something both of us think is essential our long term success.

This sounds good... unless the 20% are really important topics for you and the marriage or things that you "expect to be shared... maybe even some of the activities.

Somehow you must have some guidlines about what can be kept from you!

XY

Yes, this is a good starting point.

Thank you.

[slenderfish]

Okay, here's an attempt at a deeper dive. No pun intended.

Her update to me, summarized:

Wednesday

You may recall her trip began last Wednesday. She arrived late in the day, had dinner plans with her sister, who cancelled. So she shopped a bit and invited another girlfriend out to dinner, but was declined mostly because this girl is very Covid-anxious and doesn't go out. So SW texted me "nobody wants to hang with me" and I replied "yes, there's me and Mr. S. who desire you and your presence no matter what" and she liked that. She stayed the first night at her sister's house. She called me later that night on speakerphone with her sister, sister's boyfriend, to say hi.

Thursday

She spent the morning with sister and then transferred over to lakefront hotel. Took her nieces to dinner and then the three of them did a slumber party at the hotel.

Nothing from her until I was just going to bed and prompted her about a television program that I'd watched, that she would normally watch. It was 10:00 p.m. my time and midnight where she was. Just a quick text back saying "omg train wreck, we'll see if I like this season" referring to the tv show.

It turns out that Mr. S sent a text message to her that day and noted he might be back in town on Saturday night around 7 p.m. (flying home from visiting a family member) and perhaps he can take her to dinner? She agreed, and then had to figure out how to change her Saturday night plan. She told me this last night after she got home, in the recap.

Friday

The two nieces continued with her all day Friday. Had lunch with her mother. She took the nieces to dinner that night, and they did a repeat performance slumber party at the hotel.

No word from her until I prompted a reply by sending update on the my day, which she "liked".

Saturday

Birthday brunch for older niece and other family members. After that, she told a fib to her younger niece, with whom she had made plans for Saturday night, to get out of that commitment and free up for the Mr. S dinner date.

No word from her until I sent her some images of the construction which I knew she's requested in order to show her mother. I sent these around time I figured they would be at brunch. She "liked" and thanked me for sending.

No mention of Mr. S. developments or plans. As far as I knew, she was out with her younger niece.

In reality, she had modified her dinner reservation, previously established for her niece, to conform to Mr. S time frame. He picked her up at her hotel and they went to dinner, and he dropped her off at her hotel after, and went home. She wanted to be clear that he did not go up to her hotel room. She didn't say anything about whether they kissed, held hands, whether he was a gentleman, none of the interpersonal details. I have to ask for this stuff and it is uncomfortable doing so; she seems to not want to share this.

Sunday

I knew she would be sleeping in and sent her a text in the late morning with update on my day, etc. She provided a reasonable reply but no mention of Mr. S in any respect.

I texted her late afternoon (her time) during the period in which I was certain she would be resting before preparing for the planned Sunday dinner date. Asked her to send me an image.

No image, no text at the end of the night, radio silence until she texted me on Monday afternoon (her time) that she was on the aircraft and would I be picking her up from the airport?

In reality, she had the dinner plan with Mr. S and did begin getting ready as I'd expected. The reservation was for 6:15 (it being a Sunday) and he contacted her to apologize he was going to be delayed, would she wait for him? She agreed and told him she was going to drive across and down the street to a more active restaurant/bar for a glass of wine and a bit of food while waiting (given that she was already ready). He estimated his delay would be up to two hours.

She went to the restaurant and sat at the bar, ordered her favorite appetizer (crab cakes) and a glass of wine. She said the normally energetic place was very subdued on a Sunday night and it was mostly white-haireds. She took her time and ordered wine glass number two.

Mr. S arrive at around 7:45 and had a cocktail and they ordered some more food. Once they were done, they had two cars and agreed to run back over to the restaurant/bar at her hotel, as per the original plan, and pick up from there.

Of course, once they arrived and parked, they realized the bar/restaurant was closed and, coincidence (!?!) they were standing at the back elevators (same exact place where they had the kissing encounter in September when she pushed him away for being too forward on their first date.

This time, she invited him up to "continue this in the hotel room" (her words). Game on.

They went up and into the room, and (again she was so damn brief) based on the pieces I gleaned on top of her short summary, here's what went down:

- Kissing and hugging and holding

- At some point (presumably) they ended up on the bed and (presumably) ended up naked

- He licked her pussy for a brief time (too brief for her to orgasm)

- Not sure if she did any oral for him. Knowing her, I have to believe she did, but she didn't mention it

- He entered her (with condom)

- She used her hand on her clitoris and achieved orgasm

- He continued to fuck her and he achieved orgasm (presumably inside the condom)

- She said there wasn't really time for a lot of post-coitus small talk and cuddling, etc. in that it was late and a Sunday night so he had to go

Monday

Knowing her, she did her sleep preparation routine and stayed in bed until 10-ish, then went for coffee etc. and back to the hotel room to shower, pack and check out, and head to the airport.

Text to me about retrieving her on my side of the flight, and you know the rest of it.

Two more installments to follow:

1) Our conversations and how it went with us from airport to bedtime on Monday night

2) Impressions and analysis

Thanks for following us in this journey, and for your thoughtful comments, suggestions and contributions.

[slenderfish]

Send her flowers!!!

This. Fantastic suggestion.

Flowers done first thing this morning, check that box.

Thanks for the reminder.

[dorsetben]

Good work dude. You handled it with aplomb. Very interested to hear what pans out for you both. Very exciting!

[samlowen]

This sounds good... unless the 20% are really important topics for you and the marriage or things that you "expect to be shared... maybe even some of the activities.

Somehow you must have some guidlines about what can be kept from you!

XY

Sure, we do have guidelines about what can be kept and what shouldn't be. It's been a work in process over 20 years and there have been some hiccups from both of us along the way. We made our mistakes early on, learned from them, and have found what works for us.

[slenderfish]

She is still fighting society's "norms" in her head. Back to that "self-slut-shaming" stuff, etc. I believe partially explains a lot of how the aftermath has gone along.

Also that she doesn't fully trust this, in her core. And who can blame her?

More on that as I am able to spend time fully developing the next two chapters.

[whenwillshe]

Maybe she would be more descriptive after a romantic dinner, bottle of wine and a SF massage.
She can relive the night while you do the massage.

[BallSpanking]

Thanks for the timeline, Mr SF, it is informative, yet sparse.

I'd love to know her feelings on her encounter, would she like to see him again? I think you mentioned she climaxed once manually and again through penetration, but she must have blown him for a while, I'm guessing...

Did she enjoy the experience overall?
I am interested in how she feels about it now, is she secretly thrilled she has been naughty, or is she anguishing over breaking societal norms, etc?

I realize there are further updates coming, but I am also hopeful to hear that she loved it, and would like to continue to play.

[slenderfish]

I asked her for the x-rated version tonight. She said she will replay it in her memory and then go through it, perhaps tomorrow.

Yes, a heavy amount of guilt, shame, really feeling the social norms heavy right now. Lots of uncertainty, fear of rejection by Mr. S, many other counter-intuitive elements popping up.

So much that she has not been open to "reclaim sex" yet. I'm exercising all my support and patience.

[XYAlpha]

I asked her for the x-rated version tonight. She said she will replay it in her memory and then go through it, perhaps tomorrow.

Yes, a heavy amount of guilt, shame, really feeling the social norms heavy right now. Lots of uncertainty, fear of rejection by Mr. S, many other counter-intuitive elements popping up.

So much that she has not been open to "reclaim sex" yet. I'm exercising all my support and patience.

SF,
Perhaps this is part of the problem! How much pressure / effort have you made? Your relationship is much more "reserved" than most IMO. Without you expressing your highest interest, she may feel as if you think she is tarnished. She may be grading this part of your reaction!

XY

[slenderfish]

I asked her for the x-rated version tonight. She said she will replay it in her memory and then go through it, perhaps tomorrow.

Yes, a heavy amount of guilt, shame, really feeling the social norms heavy right now. Lots of uncertainty, fear of rejection by Mr. S, many other counter-intuitive elements popping up.

So much that she has not been open to "reclaim sex" yet. I'm exercising all my support and patience.

SF,
Perhaps this is part of the problem! How much pressure / effort have you made? Your relationship is much more "reserved" than most IMO. Without you expressing your highest interest, she may feel as if you think she is tarnished. She may be grading this part of your reaction!

XY

When I picked her up at the airport she was smiley and beaming, but of course I didn't have a clue as to what actually went down. in the car, she said that she has some updates for me but will have to wait until later "over a glass of wine" and then she kind of got a flash of emotional and said she "almost feels like crying" and I was supportive and said it was an emotional time and that I will look forward to relaxing and going through it all with her, that she should take her time and we can do when she is ready.

When we did do the download later that night, over the wine, etc. she said her body is in a kind of shock and she has no interest in any kind of physical action even though she is aware I do want it. So she blocked it on purpose.

The next day (Tuesday) I was up early taking care of some things for me and for her in advance of starting the business day, and then we didn't see each other until early afternoon. Good energy, kisses and hugs, etc. We sat down for dinner and an installment of a program we have been watching, and then spent a couple of hours talking and connecting.

By then it was late and she said she is tired and still is in no mood for sex. I beckoned her to lay down with me and hug and cuddle and she did not resist, but reiterated her desire not to be physical in a sexual way.

This is not really that unusual for her, but given the present circumstances and generally when she knows i'm extra desirous, she will usually respond.

She describes as being in "shell shock" and at this point is apparently trying to deal with her body, in that she is wrapping her head around the fact that her body had actual sex with another man. She continues to circle back around to the notion that she "did it for me" etc.

I accepted and acknowledged that she started down this path at my request, but that we always remind that she is making the decisions and she is doing this "for her" and then, as a result, "for me." I kindly pointed out the following:

1) She chose him, specifically.

2) She pursued him, and I assisted where she requested.

3) She booked the dates, agreed to all the get-togethers, and kept me out of the loop (e.g. she was running it her way for her satisfaction).

4) She and he already agreed to get together again in November, agreed with him before she returned home.

Based on these, this is her driving it and she should embrace it. We both understand that she is still fighting society's norms, but she should avoid framing it as a negative, and rather focus on what she enjoyed and enjoys, and the drivers behind why she wants to see him again.

She has been with the calendar and has asked me to confirm for certain dates, for flights and for hotel, etc. She seems quite motivated and also seems to be trying to downplay that energy. Again, this inner struggle. I suppose this is how it goes for her, and am not surprised overall. The desire element is a bit daunting for her, and also a very new and foreign feeling.

She is coming around.