Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[BallSpanking]

Can we assume Mr R got bumped off the potential candidate list?

[slenderfish]

Can we assume Mr R got bumped off the potential candidate list?

Yes, sadly he did not take Pinky's bait of her volunteering to be his personal stylist. He would have gotten some fabulous styling consults and perhaps some extra curricular stuff on top of it. For free! Both worth $$$ in their own rights.

Pinky chalked this one up to just another evidence of why she moved away from her hometown. The people are just a bit too provincial and are not willing to think outside their normal comfort zones.

[slenderfish]

Have a look at my thread in the Hotties section.

Put up a gem.

[BallSpanking]

She be havin' some sexy moves!

[whenwillshe]

SW, noted the references to ski trips.
Seems Covid is blowing up a lot of destinations.
Hope you find your accommodating as I am shutbout of most of mine.....

[slenderfish]

Mr. S did text back today that he is up for the proposed visit on the weekend she mentioned.

[slenderfish]

SW, noted the references to ski trips.
Seems Covid is blowing up a lot of destinations.
Hope you find your accommodating as I am shutbout of most of mine.....

I do have resources and, more importantly, a close friend who loves to ski, and who has his own turboprop aircraft. Loves to ski with me. He keeps it at an airport about 20 min drive from my house (and from his, coming the other direction).

I'll suggest a weekend trip to wherever the snow is best and the possibilities for lodging, etc. are also available, for that weekend.

[BallSpanking]

I've heard that ski slopes are packed this year with the exodus from the cities. Day lift prices upward of $180.00.

[slenderfish]

I've heard that ski slopes are packed this year with the exodus from the cities. Day lift prices upward of $180.00.

Yes, I've heard the same. I have my all-resort season pass so the lift ticket prices are not an issue, but the lines are a potential problem.

I have someone checking out a resort next weekend as a potential for the trip in January.

Also have a fallback plan where lines will not be any problem, and hopefully the conditions will be better there in late January.

[whenwillshe]

SW, noted the references to ski trips.
Seems Covid is blowing up a lot of destinations.
Hope you find your accommodating as I am shutbout of most of mine.....

I do have resources and, more importantly, a close friend who loves to ski, and who has his own turboprop aircraft. Loves to ski with me. He keeps it at an airport about 20 min drive from my house (and from his, coming the other direction).

I'll suggest a weekend trip to wherever the snow is best and the possibilities for lodging, etc. are also available, for that weekend.

Hey, count me in!

[slenderfish]

Pinky said she had a vivid dream last night that would not go away.

Said she was in a swanky hotel room and all these men (and women) were dropping in to have sex with her, nonstop.

She further said she got cross (in the dream) when she realized these people were being sent there by me.

When she woke up (in the middle of the night) during that dream, and upon reflecting, she said she didn't want to go back to sleep lest the dream return.

I'm not a dream interpreter but this probably indicates her subconscious mind looking at a variety of scenarios including the one in her dream, but at the same time her ambivalence (or even resistance) to embracing these scenarios. And of course I'm present in the background, in some role.

Overall, probably a good sign in that dreams are said to be the subconscious mind working out and sorting through things, organizing the way these things are stored and the context in which they are able to be referred. A new hotwife would, of course, need to revise and resettle a lot within the subconscious plane.

I'm glad she shared with me.

[coastalkid]

In your style 1) Admitting she had the dream is not to be ignored. 2) She "crossly" characterized you as manipulative in the dream. 3) She didn't want to have THAT dream again. and 4) I agree it's tumbling around in her subconscious along with those OTHER things she CHOSE to share with you. Kind of a cagey head game in ways.

[BallSpanking]

Sound like somewhere she is resenting your 'directions' in this endeavor. True, she made the choices, but at her husband's instance, therefore ... It's his doing.

[slenderfish]

Yes, she is still working out this resistance to the challenge and change to the marital values she continues to note were ingrained in her soul. It's telling in that she also continues to attribute the ongoing conflict in her head as my doing. But it's at some level the truth, in that I am the one with the kink and if not for that (and if not for me) she certainly would not be on the hotwife path.

At the same time, it's also informative that yesterday in a completely separate conversation she gave me the natural opening to say "well, we can always dial this back and cancel the upcoming visit from Mr. S in late January" to which she became absolutely unglued. On the surface she downplays the Mr. S thing but when it's threatened in any way she loses her composure and clearly shows her intention.

So we continue to go through the cycles in getting used to the lifestyle and leaving some of the old mores behind. Of course it's difficult to change, to acknowledge modifications to your personal image, etc.

At the same time we worked through these by long and deep conversations, and rededicated ourselves to the process and to each other (not necessarily in that order).

Been lovebirds all day.

[Parsifal]

The beautiful hotwife with so much power in the marriage still becoming absolutely unglued upon the husband's casual "threat" of dialing things back, ostensibly for her sake. How delicious. It's a nice way for the husband to stay reminded of the fact that his consent still matters, and it matters because the marriage is the bedrock of her existence - she loves you and never wants to lose you. But neither does she want to lose the other now, the bird in the hand AND the one in the bush. Along with these cycles of getting used to it is the emergence of her and your realization of her need for it to continue, she becomes dependent physically, emotionally, psychologically - in all ways - on the new feeling of expanded power and a new identity and thrill that is adding to her life. Your style of orchestrating your wife's growth is far more relaxed than mine's been.

[XYAlpha]

The beautiful hotwife with so much power in the marriage still becoming absolutely unglued upon the husband's casual "threat" of dialing things back, ostensibly for her sake. How delicious. It's a nice way for the husband to stay reminded of the fact that his consent still matters, and it matters because the marriage is the bedrock of her existence - she loves you and never wants to lose you. But neither does she want to lose the other now, the bird in the hand AND the one in the bush. Along with these cycles of getting used to it is the emergence of her and your realization of her need for it to continue, she becomes dependent physically, emotionally, psychologically - in all ways - on the new feeling of expanded power and a new identity and thrill that is adding to her life. Your style of orchestrating your wife's growth is far more relaxed than mine's been.

This is FANTASTIC! Sometimes when a HW gets rolling, this is all the HWH has to help keep the train on the tracks.

Without consent, it is cheating and everything that comes with that.

XY

[BallSpanking]

LOL!
I found it touching, and telling, that SW would have resisted so quickly and vehemently in defense of her upcoming meet with Mr S. Cool though she wants to play it, that was a clear indication of her tacit 'acquiescence/dseire" to attend. To make herself available to him ...

I think, given her usual reticence in other aspects, this quick defense of her hookup, barely under the surface, tells me he must be fucking her very well, or else I cannot yet figure her attachment to him. Is she fulfilling a femme-fatale, seductress ideal, or why is she so into him? And is it only him?

[Parsifal]

Let me take a shot at the dream.

Very evident she's a power struggle -- with you. I'm not going to recommend any direction. When my marriage reached that phase, I slowed down the hotwifing, broke it into stand alone games, and let it evolve in smaller doses I could handle. My fear of losing control of the situation and losing her was too overpowering. Eventually, we both became more accommodating of each other's needs, mine insofar as I needed to trust that she could have more autonomy and still maintain a tight orbit with me, and her needing to create and play in spaces that suits her style and yet modulate her behavior to optimize the benefits of it for her marriage too. Again, this is not to be construed as advice because you seem to be more flexible than I am and are more well suited to the hotwife lifestyle. But Pinky is a wild pony. That dream would surely disturb me if I were you.

[coastalkid]

....When my marriage reached that phase, I slowed down the hotwifing, broke it into stand alone games, and let it evolve in smaller doses I could handle. My fear of losing control of the situation and losing her was too overpowering.....

When you really know yourself well you know when you need a coping strategy. This is a perfect way to ease in, at least for my liking. It makes me think of that joke, "How do you eat an elephant?" A perfect storm of emotional stressors coming all at once would be akin to choking on too big of a bite of that elephant. You way sounds like it is easier to chew, making total sense could be its only flaw!

[slenderfish]

Let me take a shot at the dream.

Very evident she's a power struggle -- with you. I'm not going to recommend any direction. When my marriage reached that phase, I slowed down the hotwifing, broke it into stand alone games, and let it evolve in smaller doses I could handle. My fear of losing control of the situation and losing her was too overpowering. Eventually, we both became more accommodating of each other's needs, mine insofar as I needed to trust that she could have more autonomy and still maintain a tight orbit with me, and her needing to create and play in spaces that suits her style and yet modulate her behavior to optimize the benefits of it for her marriage too. Again, this is not to be construed as advice because you seem to be more flexible than I am and are more well suited to the hotwife lifestyle. But Pinky is a wild pony. That dream would surely disturb me if I were you.

Good catch. Yes, I agree this is probably the leading element. It's naturally seesawing right now, with what seem to us like big moves in both directions. We will necessarily settle into some middle ground, a "new normal" given that we both agree the Genie is out of the Bottle and can't be put back inside.

I did sense this at some level and, as noted in my post from the past day or so, took the opportunity she gave me to refer to a possible "time-out" from hotwifing to let some things work themselves out. Of course I knew she would NOT want to do that and was proven correct.

So I asserted my power card and she got the message, loud and clear. She gave me an equally loud and clear message in response.

Yes, she is a wild pony and I do know how to whisper to this pony, having successfully done so multiple times over the course of our 20-year relationship. But still a wild pony nonetheless.

I think it still boils down to honesty and trust, within ourselves and with each other. And our separate and joint reasons we are on this hotwife path. These all need to settle into the new normal.

Change is difficult, even when we are mostly desiring the changes. I am slower to adapt vs. Pinky, based on how we've handled big changes in the past.

One of the good control factors here is that Mr. S is two time zones away and also we have the present difficulty in traveling in the US. So Pinky and I have this time until at least late January to dance pretty much alone.

We seem to be dancing in the mosh pit at times, to the pairs in the open dance floor, and also to the more romantic slow dance.

Or, in ballroom vernacular, we are in the Paso Doble more than the Waltz these days. But I do enjoy my Argentine Tango and think the hotwife lifestyle is closer to that, when all is said and done.

[coastalkid]

I really admire your sharing your analysis of your progression. You meticulously think things through. You have also been very open minded with the posters here and haven't taken offense when they differed with you. Have your original expectations changed in view of the path this has evolved into? Do you still anticipate greater involvement for yourself (ie watching/participating)? Has your vision of the path to those ends required adjustments?

[XYAlpha]

I really admire your sharing your analysis of your progression. You meticulously think things through. You have also been very open minded with the posters here and haven't taken offense when they differed with you. Have your original expectations changed in view of the path this has evolved into? Do you still anticipate greater involvement for yourself (ie watching/participating)? Has your vision of the path to those ends required adjustments?

Exactly this!
Based on some of the changes you have experienced, what is your plan to keep a power balance that works for you and avoid becoming a Cuck?

XY

[slenderfish]

I really admire your sharing your analysis of your progression. You meticulously think things through. You have also been very open minded with the posters here and haven't taken offense when they differed with you. Have your original expectations changed in view of the path this has evolved into? Do you still anticipate greater involvement for yourself (ie watching/participating)? Has your vision of the path to those ends required adjustments?

I like this question, it's timely.

But first I'll speak to your mention of my analysis, etc. It's been my goal to share at this level for a) benefit of others who may follow and b) other posters' responses (whether they are actively in the hotwife lifestyle or if they have been following others' experiences) which validate or challenge my perspectives.

When I pretty much opened my heart to Pinky regarding this kink, back in late August 2020, she did ask about my vision of it all if she should agree to go down the path. I told her of my hopes regarding her finding personal growth and satisfaction along the way, and that I was hoping she would "dip her toe in the water" for me, and accept on blind faith that she would at some point start enjoying in for her own reasons. The elements I noted to her that would possibly accrue to her benefit are as follows:

- increased sense of personal power as a woman in navigating through life and people
- increased awareness as potentially a desired person for many men, in addition to me, that she can turn on or off
- more personal satisfaction with herself and her body
- new and rewarding relationship with a potential fb/lover
- additional validation of her sense of personal style and charm
- new relationship energy and its boost of hormones, desire, etc.
- increased attentiveness from me as a result of natural competition
- necessary increased level of deep communication between us
- deeper level of honesty and trust within ourselves and each other

I mentioned her as the object of my desires and that the hotwife kink is most fully fulfilled (for me) at its zenith in the case of our (her and me) together pursuing a man for her, for this purpose, and bringing him into our private sexual lives, that we share her with this man. My version of this includes my participation in the bedroom, either in an active or supportive role.

She indicated that she can envision tiptoeing down the hotwife path, but never (there's that word) with me present. Of course, I caught that and said "never" is a big word and that as long as she can allow that her perspective may change along the longer term, I agreed with her proposal that she start out with a boyfriend experience approach for the first time out. That's where we pretty much sit today.

We have had subsequent conversations about what may be possible in the future, and she has allowed that there may be the possibility of a different approach, but she is in the present and presently in a hotwife relationship with Mr. S. That's presently set up as a boyfriend/lover scenario that she shares with me verbally after the fact, but she will only see him by herself. She cannot at this point envision that changing in the near term.

So she is open to something else in the future, but that's all "pie in the sky" at this point.

Ultimately, this is morphing slowly but at the same time morphing in a way not unlike I'd envisioned. I mean, it's really a wild ride and is certainly unpredictable, but overall the big picture is working out, in that a) she is now open to having a lover and/or FB and really likes it; b) she is not ruling anything out for the future, knowing that "never" sometimes is dependent on the place and time and mindset when the word "never" is expressed. When the place and time and mindset changes, then "never" can also change.

The rest are pretty much details and part of the journey.

This all gives me optimism we may be able to move directionally more toward my favored version, but at the same time this is a long game and I continue to remind myself that even if she stopped right now, I have received a fabulous and unlikely gift from Pinky. And she has forever changed in certain respects, and these changes are almost all for the better. If we stay at this version of the lifestyle for a long time, it's still very gratifying to me and (apparently) satisfying to her.

There is, of course, a risk if it stays in this mode for too long of developing into a cuckold situation. She and I have both discussed this and neither of us is interested in it. But we are newbies and perhaps she isn't aware of how the power dynamic itself may wind up in a cuckold situation even if she believes she doesn't desire it.

We have changed the inertia of our lives as a couple and we are now clearly moving deeper into the hotwife lifestlyle. This in and of itself is significant. This inertia will continue unless or until we expend energy to change it.

[solstice]

dip her toe in the water

To continue with your analogy, with your subtle persuasive ways, she may soon go off the top board, summersault with pike(doggy position). Hope she can eventually include you.

[Parsifal]

dip her toe in the water

To continue with your analogy, with your subtle persuasive ways, she may soon go off the top board, summersault with pike(doggy position). Hope she can eventually include you.

So true