Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[slenderfish]

I'm guessing that you had a reclaiming and the second part of the story you were saving?

Still saving it for a rainy day.

The night with Mr B still has something that isn't quite adding up. It's not worth revisiting at this point. Maybe someday but not now.

I'm still in touch ongoing and often with Mr. B. I agree on both counts; time will probably show it. He's proving to be one of the biggest horndogs I know.

I'm sure mr s isn't letting her onto the full scope of his relationship for obvious reasons.

Yes, obvious to us male folk.

What is up with Mr M? Is he off the roster?

He turned into a ghost after she got him to fuck her, and remains as such. I figure he'll reappear at some point. There's too much history for this to be permanent. Also showcases Pinky's ego and stubbornness, we should watch and learn.

People are still traveling. I haven't heard of additional restrictions.

Yes and no. Different locations have different limitations. Where he is located and where we are located are both basically barren; take-out is an option but you can't go anywhere at night except home or hotel (if he does travel here). I think Pinky has additional energy behind wanting to defer him from his agreement to come out in late January. Just haven't yet fully figured it out. Waiting for her to tell me about her call and text, etc. Kind of a test to see a) how long she will wait to say anything and b) what she will say.

How's the hotwife dirty talk now? Is she saying anything that blows your mind?

Had a hot and dirty encounter last Saturday night. Started of very loving and tender, the way she likes it. I was thinking of invoking reclaim #2 from Mr. S but was wondering the best way to transition over there. But she took it down the road. I started her off by saying how I like to think of another man with her, inside of her, and she ran with it. Mentioned his big cock deep inside of her, him on top of her, her riding him, her taking his orgasm insider of her and it sitting in there for some days, that it was still in there when she got home and I reclaimed her, etc. Very good stuff!

On reflection, I believe it may have been reclaim #2 without being identified as such. I guess I'll find out if/when I do ask her for it.

[BallSpanking]

I was struck by the fact that the pic Mr S texted SW was a pic of himself (in a billboard somewhere).
OK, so the guy is handsome, evidently, but it takes someone who is 'vain' to consider 'sharing' such a pic.
Maybe it's my peeve, and I am reading more into it than is there, but I think it is telling of a person's character.

[samlowen]

I was struck by the fact that the pic Mr S texted SW was a pic of himself (in a billboard somewhere).
OK, so the guy is handsome, evidently, but it takes someone who is 'vain' to consider 'sharing' such a pic.
Maybe it's my peeve, and I am reading more into it than is there, but I think it is telling of a person's character.

It's not just your peeve. It bothered me too.

[slenderfish]

I was struck by the fact that the pic Mr S texted SW was a pic of himself (in a billboard somewhere).
OK, so the guy is handsome, evidently, but it takes someone who is 'vain' to consider 'sharing' such a pic.
Maybe it's my peeve, and I am reading more into it than is there, but I think it is telling of a person's character.

It's not just your peeve. It bothered me too.

The man does have a healthy dose of himself. It is consistent with the overall picture I've formed of him. Pinky went for the looks, go figure. What does she get in return? Someone who is in if for the benefits, and who certainly would not want to take any of the responsibility for her feelings, her needs, etc. in any deep way. What does she get out of it? Attention when it suits him, and I presume the sex is good enough to counterbalance, to keep her returning for more from time to time.

I think this works just fine for me.

[BallSpanking]

I agree, in a way, it is ideal.

Mr S personality flaws may be enough to keep anything more intimate from developing.
On the other hand, will this satisfy SW's desires moving forward?
Perhaps this too is a perfect flaw, if it leads to her exploration closer to home?

[afagehi7]

I was struck by the fact that the pic Mr S texted SW was a pic of himself (in a billboard somewhere).
OK, so the guy is handsome, evidently, but it takes someone who is 'vain' to consider 'sharing' such a pic.
Maybe it's my peeve, and I am reading more into it than is there, but I think it is telling of a person's character.

It's not just your peeve. It bothered me too.

The man does have a healthy dose of himself. It is consistent with the overall picture I've formed of him. Pinky went for the looks, go figure. What does she get in return? Someone who is in if for the benefits, and who certainly would not want to take any of the responsibility for her feelings, her needs, etc. in any deep way. What does she get out of it? Attention when it suits him, and I presume the sex is good enough to counterbalance, to keep her returning for more from time to time.

I think this works just fine for me.

He's a good looking player. Seems exactly what attracts pinky to him.

[wocka-wocka]

You need to slow the fuck down. You may think that you have it all figured out, but so does everyone.

I believe we have slowed down. She saw him in late November and is planning for late January. We have two months (well, about five weeks remaining) to continue this re-balancing effort.

This is why I'm on here, to sort through with co-conspirators.

That's not slowing down though. You're viewing this from your timeframe. The ball keeps moving, she is in frequent communication with him and expectations and precedent are being cemented. Just because a goal isn't being score doesn't mean that the game isn't being played. You need to call a timeout and meet at the whiteboard. Like just you and her and no future plans or communication. Sincere, direct and understood communication is the precendent that needs to be set now and all you are rolling with is "I know her". Frankly, you don't know her. Part of doing this is to bring out a new behavior pattern, she's likely just as confused as you are.

I know I'm quoting a dated post, but, BigHotMess sees it as I do. There are, too many important details shifting, or not being shared.

Some details not shared is understandable from your wife's perspective because they conflict with norms and that's not an easy thing for her to get comfortable doing. Others, like the possessiveness around her phone are cause for concern. I might add it puts you in a terrible place of both encouraging her to have some sexual fun, and being a taskmaster about the details.

she overlooked that we are in this together and that we are together establishing new boundaries and rules for our marriage, and these modifications need to be mutually agreed;

Per another post, she is probably going with what she knows and you have already experienced with the prior boyfriend. Within the context of a marriage, IMO not a good pattern of behavior. I quote it as some evidence that it might be a good thing nothing might happen in January.

No one wants your relationship to be more unstable exploring consensual non-monogamy. To be clear, no one has "failed." I know it's really exciting, but, both of you need to feel safe and honor set boundaries while communicating.

[slenderfish]

Some details not shared is understandable from your wife's perspective because they conflict with norms and that's not an easy thing for her to get comfortable doing. Others, like the possessiveness around her phone are cause for concern.

She has always been possessive with her phone. I understand it will be a major shift to break that pattern, she's done quite well for most of December. The jury remains out at this point. I am preparing to "bust her" in a very modest manner over the next few days, as a reminder.

I might add it puts you in a terrible place of both encouraging her to have some sexual fun, and being a taskmaster about the details.

Well put. My italicized emphasis. My use of "busting her" above is telling. I don't want to be the phone police.

she overlooked that we are in this together and that we are together establishing new boundaries and rules for our marriage, and these modifications need to be mutually agreed;

Remains accurate but we need to continue reminding ourselves and each other.

Per another post, she is probably going with what she knows and you have already experienced with the prior boyfriend. Within the context of a marriage, IMO not a good pattern of behavior. I quote it as some evidence that it might be a good thing nothing might happen in January.

Yes nothing will be happening in January. Funny how it so quickly went from discussions about him coming for "their" birthday (a coincidence they have the exact same day) and her joining him at his beach cottage across the Atlantic, to almost no communication and now cancelling any plans. A pure case of NRE burning hot and then quickly cooling. I feel a bit disappointed for Pinky. She must be really disappointed.

But as another posting pointed out, this is probably fortuitous because it may be the groundwork for another FB, perhaps more locally, and in this case much more likely to be initiated from a true hotwife perspective which will not inadvertently push me out of the picture.

No one wants your relationship to be more unstable exploring consensual non-monogamy. To be clear, no one has "failed." I know it's really exciting, but, both of you need to feel safe and honor set boundaries while communicating.

Yes, and we do have the benefit of this changed energy as well as much more time.

[slenderfish]

I agree, in a way, it is ideal.

Mr S personality flaws may be enough to keep anything more intimate from developing.
On the other hand, will this satisfy SW's desires moving forward?
Perhaps this too is a perfect flaw, if it leads to her exploration closer to home?

Yep.

[afagehi7]

Fish - perhaps this cancelation is a good spring board to setup a profile on sls or am? Just to look around and see what is out there that suits your needs. You can show her some guys and get a reading on what she's attracted to. Maybe no pics and just a free account... For now.

[slenderfish]

Fish - perhaps this cancelation is a good spring board to setup a profile on sls or am? Just to look around and see what is out there that suits your needs. You can show her some guys and get a reading on what she's attracted to. Maybe no pics and just a free account... For now.

I agree, but it'll take careful introduction because she is so wary of anything online. I think she had bad experiences with online dating sites back when she was hot and single in NYC. She is not at all adept with technology and therefore resists.

In any case, I think the best approach is to let the disappointment accumulate and then perhaps discuss the unmet desire (assuming the proverbial genie remains out of the bottle) and together brainstorm some solutions that will work for both of us. I'm thinking the timing of her birthday in early February may be the obvious target; she will be reminded that it's also Mr. S' birthday but they are not really speaking nor texting and certainly not going to see each other for quite some time. I'm assuming that he has (or will) fall into the category of FB solely for when she is in her home town. This was always the goal in the first place, as she's recently acknowledged.

[afagehi7]

Fish - perhaps this cancelation is a good spring board to setup a profile on sls or am? Just to look around and see what is out there that suits your needs. You can show her some guys and get a reading on what she's attracted to. Maybe no pics and just a free account... For now.

I agree, but it'll take careful introduction because she is so wary of anything online. I think she had bad experiences with online dating sites back when she was hot and single in NYC. She is not at all adept with technology and therefore resists.

In any case, I think the best approach is to let the disappointment accumulate and then perhaps discuss the unmet desire (assuming the proverbial genie remains out of the bottle) and together brainstorm some solutions that will work for both of us. I'm thinking the timing of her birthday in early February may be the obvious target; she will be reminded that it's also Mr. S' birthday but they are not really speaking nor texting and certainly not going to see each other for quite some time. I'm assuming that he has (or will) fall into the category of FB solely for when she is in her home town. This was always the goal in the first place, as she's recently acknowledged.

The cloak of anonymity just to look around shouldn't interfere with her online fear. What I was thinking is that you really don't know what physical qualities she's interested in. It's quite commonplace for wives to be interested in a type us guys don't expect. I was quite surprised at what kind of guy my wife liked. Obviously guys similar to me but the others were about a 180 away from what I thought. Plus it could be a fun game to discuss with slender wife what kind of guy pinky likes. Just an ice breaker with a disposable account. We'd all be interested to know what she fancies

[TheHammer]

You could start off with creating a Tinder account in another city that she doesn’t have any connections to for some online flirting.

[slenderfish]

FYI some new visuals in my string over in the Hotties section.

[slenderfish]

Good morning.

Pinky falling back to form on her deleting texts, though I can see she is trying but still failing.

We went for late morning coffee together on New Year's Day. I'd already been up early and went for my coffee effort, greeting the day, but when Pinky got going later she asked if we could take the dog out (the dog still recovering from ACL repair almost three weeks ago) and would I tag along to carry the dog in and out of the car? I was happy to do so.

While sitting and her drinking her coffee, she started talking about the calendar in January, etc. Talked about her birthday coming up, my possible ski weekend(s), my daughter's requested engagement party. COVID-19 and the need to be flexible. She noted that Mr. S probably not going to travel to see her. I asked if he'd communicated anything about his plans, and if she had had the chance to send the text I'd requested, as a reply to his prior text regarding his confirming a push to come out to see her on the last weekend in January as follows:

"Happy you are coming and looking forward to seeing you [or her version of this] and please let me know your exact dates, flights, etc. as soon as you know them, so that I may communicate to my husband in order to let him know that I"ll be with you those times. This so he can make his own plans."

She never said she won't do this, but it seems immediately after I'd asked her to do this on or about December 26, her momentum had changed.

No, she hadn't done it.

I said it's still something I'm requesting and that until he says he is not coming, it's still germane and appropriate within the context of the communications.

I then took the opportunity to tell her that I'm not going to be scrambling to change my plans and travel away from my home, especially if he tells her wit short notice that he is traveling here. That I'm happy to accommodate her going on a date or hotel meet with him is he's in the area, to cover for her with respect to her niece, but that I'm okay just hanging at home while she does so if I'm not otherwise away based on my plans.

I reiterated that I'm not the kind of man who will abandon his castle and hastily plan a travel trip just because my wife and another guy want to get together. I pointed out that she has stated that she won't bring him to our house, and that he will stay at the location of his choice, and that she will be going over to see him. That I've shown I'm supportive of it and that I will keep to myself while she is with him.

I have spoken.

-----------------------

She did call him on Dec 26 (I'm quite certain of it) but still hadn't noted this to me.

-----------------------

At that point she said "by coincidence, he sent a text this morning, shall I tell you what it said or would you like to see it?"

I of course asked to see it. It went something like this:

"Happy New Year, beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful 2021 and that we are able to see each other more often. I miss your touch and feel and can't wait to have your body against mine."

She asked if seeing this excites me. I showed her the sudden rise in my jeans and said yes. That the part referring to her fabulous naked body against his, either right before or right after some serious fucking, is the biggest turn-on ever.

She said that she would like to compose a reply and that she prefers to do so sooner vs. later, so that she may then delete the text to keep it cleared out. And she might ask for my assistance on that. I said I wish she wouldn't delete and that she should keep it at least until she has sent her reply and has shown the reply to me, so I may see the close of that text cycle.

I then said that I get the impression his claim to dislike texts in favor of voice calls has seemed to not resulted in phone calls, after all. She agreed and said it's unfortunate, since she prefers texting and doesn't particularly like to talk on the phone. I said that perhaps his lack of texting and calling is indicative of something else, that maybe he is understating (for obvious reasons) his relationship with his girlfriend, and that he just doesn't want to be busted by her if some text or call comes through from Pinky at the wrong time for him. Pinky agreed this is certainly a possibility.

I then asked her if she had received or made any calls to or from him and she said no.

Yesterday I checked about her reply to his text but she had deleted his text and said nothing about any reply. I'll ask again today about text or calls and see what she says.

If she continues to deny any call and to insist on deleting his texts, I'll have to decide my response.

I do think there have been almost no texts, and that in her mind she has been sharing them with me.

So this is again more about my reasonable expectations, what's in it for me. That even little things like texts do give me excitement. And that her deleting these, on the rationale that she likes to keep her inbox uncluttered, is not enough of a reason to delete. I mean, I do know that she does keep texts and voicemails from other people, some for years. I see those names and dates when she shows me her phone with the texts from Mr. S; this is a direct result of her penchant to delete texts, that she only has about 10 on her phone at any given time and they all appear on the first screen when launching her texting app.

Perhaps this is a moment for transition, that I should tell her I no longer support her relationship with Mr. S because of her continuing resistance to sharing and to being completely transparent for the sake of a true hotwife experience for both of us. That it seems she wants Mr. S for herself and that the sharing of any of it is like pulling teeth, that she clearly deems it a chore and a hassle. That I feel like some kind of compliance officer.

To reset and reevaluate.

[superb101]

Pinky falling back to form on her deleting texts,





-----------------------

She did call him on Dec 26 (I'm quite certain of it) but still hadn't noted this to me.

-----------------------

At that point she said "by coincidence, he sent a text this morning, shall I tell you what it said or would you like to see it?"

I of course asked to see it. It went something like this:

"Happy New Year, beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful 2021 and that we are able to see each other more often. I miss your touch and feel and can't wait to have your body against mine."

She asked if seeing this excites me. I showed her the sudden rise in my jeans and said yes. That the part referring to her fabulous naked body against his, either right before or right after some serious fucking, is the biggest turn-on ever.

She said that she would like to compose a reply and that she prefers to do so sooner vs. later, so that she may then delete the text to keep it cleared out. And she might ask for my assistance on that. I said I wish she wouldn't delete and that she should keep it at least until she has sent her reply and has shown the reply to me, so I may see the close of that text cycle.

I then said that I get the impression his claim to dislike texts in favor of voice calls has seemed to not resulted in phone calls, after all. She agreed and said it's unfortunate, since she prefers texting and doesn't particularly like to talk on the phone. I said that perhaps his lack of texting and calling is indicative of something else, that maybe he is understating (for obvious reasons) his relationship with his girlfriend, and that he just doesn't want to be busted by her if some text or call comes through from Pinky at the wrong time for him. Pinky agreed this is certainly a possibility.

I then asked her if she had received or made any calls to or from him and she said no.

Yesterday I checked about her reply to his text but she had deleted his text and said nothing about any reply. I'll ask again today about text or calls and see what she says.

If she continues to deny any call and to insist on deleting his texts, I'll have to decide my response.

I do think there have been almost no texts, and that in her mind she has been sharing them with me.

So this is again more about my reasonable expectations, what's in it for me. That even little things like texts do give me excitement. And that her deleting these, on the rationale that she likes to keep her inbox uncluttered, is not enough of a reason to delete. I mean, I do know that she does keep texts and voicemails from other people, some for years. I see those names and dates when she shows me her phone with the texts from Mr. S; this is a direct result of her penchant to delete texts, that she only has about 10 on her phone at any given time and they all appear on the first screen when launching her texting app.

Perhaps this is a moment for transition, that I should tell her I no longer support her relationship with Mr. S because of her continuing resistance to sharing and to being completely transparent for the sake of a true hotwife experience for both of us. That it seems she wants Mr. S for herself and that the sharing of any of it is like pulling teeth, that she clearly deems it a chore and a hassle. That I feel like some kind of compliance officer.

To reset and reevaluate.
[/quote]
You are so right! Whatever her actual thought processes are, it just has the "feel' of cheating rather than experiencing the hotwife life together. Hate to say it, but there just seems some people represented here that just cant get their heads around what this LS really is about, etc. Ive often thought it is as much about MATURITY than anything else. Communication is always put out there are the big key to this but if there isn't maturity, than all the communication is the world doesnt help!

[afagehi7]

She gets excitement from the texts and phone calls. It's not like it's a chore. She should share the excitement.

At this point you don't really have a hotwife but a wife who fucked other guys. Not really cheating but also not hotwifery as most of us think of it.

IMHO you have done everything you should do. She's a big girl and knows what you want and need out of this.

How bad do you want this to continue? Perhaps it's time to pull the plug? You gave it a good go and it's just not working out. Cut your losses before this evolves into a marital issue.

Before I'm jumped on of course the reality is different from fantasy and the wife needs space to play her own game but also communication is top priority as is making it a team effort. The team player and communication isn't there and I don't perceive fish wants a cuck style relationship.

Fish - it seems like either accept the game this way or pull it back before problems arise. You resenting her and she resenting you. I get the feeling this ugly monster is starting to show itself. The marriage is more important than the kink.

Now, admittedly I am not a successful hotwife husband so take that into consideration. Hopefully XY, farm girl, and husband's kandi chime in because in your situation I think they'll have the best advice.

[BallSpanking]

I found your description of your conversation with SW interesting, if a bit perplexing.
She has not been with Mr S for over a month now, and likely will not see him until late January (maybe). Her communication with Mr S has been, if not paltry, certainly perfunctory, but she is still not sharing their communications without your prompting.

I get the sense SW is both eager to see SW, and disappointed by his day-to-day interaction, yet still pushing hard for her own plans to meet with him, even though he has given precious few assurances, other than a brief wistful description of her body against his.

I just hope SW wraps her head around what HW'ing is about before frustration and disappointment dissuade her from moving forward.

[solstice]

Slenderfish writes: Pinky falling back to form on her deleting texts

I think you should pull SW's knickers down and skelp her arse, one stroke for every deleted text, although I am acting as the agent provocateur here, and I am sure I would enjoy the act, somehow would never have the balls to carry it out on such a formidable woman.

[solstice]

It would seem that SW is dependent on you to elucidate the thinking behind S's comunication (or not) and you are right to express your exasperation when being kept in the dark: Should you decline your feedback to her will hopefully spur her to tell all to you will greatly be to her benefit.

[TheHammer]

To keep her texts clean and at about 10 total, she could easily delete texts from others and have Mr S as one of the 10. Something just isn’t adding up here. To echo above, you have a wife that fucks other guys and not a hotwife.

[BigHotMess]

You need to slow the fuck down. If things smell bad it’s because they are.

[slenderfish]

Yep as to all of the seven responses above.

To reset and reevaluate. Gonna be patient and wait for the opportunity for a proper heart-to-heart discussion, over the next few days.

I'm not the only one who felt this was coming (e.g many of the commentators on this string), but in any case it's here and it's time.

God I wish I was SJ13 and had that path, a wife who apparently understands and truly wants to do this for her and for him.

[Observer1931]

This just seems to be going in circles.

[superb101]

Im wondering if you telling her that you have decided to end the entire LS because she is not "getting the concept" wouldnt be a great way to open up a conversation. Perhaps it would create a paradigm shift for her?