Needing advice for a decision

[Brute]

I need to say, thank you JMNBABE.

[R_H_NC]

I can't tell if my private message ever went to you, but as the FLAMERS here have proven, they are why I sent this private versus open....but hoping you wil see it here since it looks like the FLAMERS have driven you away as they do most real people......

Probably you have already made this decision, I have not had time today to finish reading the entire thread, but wanted to get a note off to you incase the decision is still pending......message below that I tried to send private:


I am like your wife in that I NEED emotion to be able to participate in this lifestyle. I can't just "fuck" other guys to turn my husband on, we tried that and I HATED it!! We actually stopped participating in the lifestyle over it......and then a guy at work started coming on to me, and emotions happened, and I was soon cheating on my husband. Before I actually had sex with my Lover (penis in vagina) I admitted the affair to my husband who luckily was VERY supportive. And that is how our lifestyle has gone since......my affairs start behind hubby's back initially and when the become more than flirting, I admit them to him.

I completely understand your wifes desire ti restrict intercourse to ONLY her Lover.........its is a gift she wants to give him to make their affair even MORE emotional and special. It doesn't mean you will be asexual or never be "sexual" together (although we did try this for about 3 months, it was a DISASTER for my husband. We didn't kiss, hold hands, hug, etc at the request of my Lover at the time). It simply means that the act of intercourse, and admission in to her body, will be exclusively reserved for her Lover.

You might try negotiating a situation wherby he has exclusive right to unprotected intercourse with her and ONLY his sperm enters her body......we have done this. The last time my husband entered me wihtout condom on was November 2012. He reminds me of that ALL the time!! LOL THe only sperm that has entered my body was from my Boss/Lover, and intercourse between my husband and I has declined to where its probably less that fingers on a hand annually. I do jerk him off regularly with a condom on, and encourage him to do so himself often to keep his desire reduced. You'll find its not that bad at all, and you'll probably have MORE orgasms as a result as the two of you cuddle and discuss her latest indiscretions and she strokes you (with a comdom on of course) and encourages you to cum this way.

Hubby actually appreciates NOT having to worry about my orgasms and satisfying me sexually (he's not particularly endowed, and doesn't last very long either) but I am satisfied regularly (pre-COVID) by my sex with my Boss/Lover, so really sex between us is all about hubby's orgasm while we share my latest encounter together. No pressure on you to "perform", just orgasm, which is a perfect sitaution for a lot of guys.

Couple of situations that are likely to occur.....she may want you to orally satisfy her after her encounters with her Lover (if you are not already). You should be ready and willing to do this for her. It shows both a subserviance to her relationship with he Lover, and an acceptance of your new roll as husband/cuckold who is dependant on her outside relationship to allow you to have a sexual expereince also. She will be more willing to accept some protected encounters with you if you are sub to her and her now only Lover.

Another is that with emotion comes MANY other feelings and desires, especially once she becomes exclusive with her Lover. Not sure of your ages, but if young nenough you may soon find yourself discussing her desire to give her lover a baby!! This is the ULTIMATE expression of love in a relationshisp......and if the thought has not occurred to her/them already, it will in the near future. If you are beyond reproductive ability, it may become a fantasy part of the affair that is shared and can be encouraged by you, which further endears her to you.

I can tell you this has occurred MANY times during my extramarital affairs (the desire for a pregnancy or risky encounters). Either the subject comes up AFTER sex when no protection has been used (bit late!! LOL) or as a result of some other occurrence while together and we have "the talk". There are very few guys that I have an affair with that I also would not have a baby with.....that emotion thing again.....so this is never far from our minds when together. I actually have been totally birth control free wiht my Boss/Lover hoping to become pregnant, but his age (older and health problems) and my tipped uterus have not "worked".

Kind of compressing and condensing this, as I don't know how far along you have moved with this, so if you have questions feel free to send them along and I will respond as soon as I can. I really hope you will accept your wifes proposal and do all you can to make this an enjoyable and fantastic sexual experience for both her and you. "No intercourse" has ominous sounds initially.....but when done right you will find it a THRILLING experience for both of you and she will love you all the more for giving her this opportunity to have something SO special with her Lover.

Would love to know how this works out for you, plese feel free to update me privately on how thsi progresses, and to ask ANYTHING you wish to ask.....of me or of hubby, he will gladly respond also. We know how rewarding this type of lifestyle can be for all of you!! Good Luck.

J (the wife)

I am not sure of the ‘flamers’ you refer to as I have seen some objective and cogent advice offered here.

Additionally, I find your comments both parochial and making some very broad-based assumptions as to the nature of the OP’s marriage.

You use the term ‘You should be ready and willing’ and ‘subserviance (sic)’. You cite consuming creampies as an expected development. You add the specific restrictions of limiting his sexual contact with his wife to hand jobs (with a condom on of course). Then of course, you suggest that ultimate ‘gift’ of his wife becoming pregnant by her Lover (the capitalization of that word did not go unnoticed).

All of these measures allegedly work for you and your husband. It is a huge and unwarranted assumption to believe they would work in the OP’s case.

I realize it is natural for all of use to project our own desires and perhaps justification for our path onto others (I do it here too) but I think when someone is looking for advice we need to attempt to remove as much of our personal agenda from any advice given.

[JMNBABE]

Which is exactly why I sent this private............J (the wife)

[R_H_NC]

Which is exactly why I sent this private............J (the wife)

I got that in your public post but frankly, that is irrelevant to my post. Even sent as a PM you projected what works for you and assumed it would (or even should as you stated) work for the OP and his wife.

I assume by flamers you meant those whose opinions and advice didn't match your own.

[JMNBABE]

And the OP has stopped responding also...........

[R_H_NC]

All too common I'm afraid.

[DavaoMike]

I personally think the OP was posting his fantasy, albeit a well articulated one.

[motivated hubby]

Sorry for the delay everybody. Thank you all for your insight and opinions. That Saturday night we were in bed naked and she asked me if I had an answer for her. She reiterated that she would support whichever answer I gave her. I moved on top of her and slowly penetrated her and we looked into each other’s eyes and kissed as we made love like we never had before. Then after I came I was no longer inside her but just on top of her holding her, And I lean down and whispered in her ear, my answer is yes. She began to cry and hold me and told me how much that she loved me. So for anyone who wanted to know, that was the decision I made. Ready for the backlash now from everyone.

[Open2it]

No backlash. You were presented with an option by the woman you love, you researched the possible outcomes, and you made a decision. More power to you. Now it’s time to move forward in your redefined role as a cuckold and discover the pleasures afforded to you.

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

I like the condom compromise.

I also want to respond to someone who said that someone whose spouse has dementia is cheating when they have a sexual relationship with someone else.

I have some experience in pastoral counseling and chaplaincy. Living with a beloved person who no longer remembers they are married to you, or even who you are sometimes, is extraordinarily difficult. Tending to that person’s needs, including bathing and toileting, takes extraordinary love and devotion. And the spouse who accepts those obligations deserves compassion rather than judgment if they pursue additional relationships with someone who is not only able to properly consent to sexual activity but provide for their emotional needs, as well. It is pretty clear that the other man here is not a cheater. He is in a vulnerable position in which no one really knows how they’d behave.

I've not commented much, if any on this thread, b/c I have absolutely no real-life experience, and it seemed that a lot of experienced folks were offering, what it seemed as, brilliant advice.

But I do want to comment on what CurvyNerdMILF just posted. My father had to take care of my stepmother, who had dementia, and whom ultimately had to be institutionalized as a result.

Now, I don't know anything, and don't want to know anything, about my father's intimate life.

But I can certainly attest to the truth of what Curvy has said- and I would add, that until we have walked a mile in the shoes of someone caring for a loved one who cannot care for themselves, we really have no business passing judgment on them.

Just sayin.....

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

Sorry for the delay everybody. Thank you all for your insight and opinions. That Saturday night we were in bed naked and she asked me if I had an answer for her. She reiterated that she would support whichever answer I gave her. I moved on top of her and slowly penetrated her and we looked into each other’s eyes and kissed as we made love like we never had before. Then after I came I was no longer inside her but just on top of her holding her, And I lean down and whispered in her ear, my answer is yes. She began to cry and hold me and told me how much that she loved me. So for anyone who wanted to know, that was the decision I made. Ready for the backlash now from everyone.

It's not the decision that I would have made, but at the same time. I hope it brings you everything you are seeking.

And I will say this- while it's one thing to seek the guidance and opinion of other people- and such guidance from this forum, on a number of threads, has been amazingly informative and enlightening for me- only you yourself knows what's best for you, and your situation.

[2inUPMichigan]

Sorry for the delay everybody. Thank you all for your insight and opinions. That Saturday night we were in bed naked and she asked me if I had an answer for her. She reiterated that she would support whichever answer I gave her. I moved on top of her and slowly penetrated her and we looked into each other’s eyes and kissed as we made love like we never had before. Then after I came I was no longer inside her but just on top of her holding her, And I lean down and whispered in her ear, my answer is yes. She began to cry and hold me and told me how much that she loved me. So for anyone who wanted to know, that was the decision I made. Ready for the backlash now from everyone.

I know that this was a decision that you took very seriously and when the time came your decision would be the one that you felt was best for your marriage and the two of you.

There should never be any backlash when a couple makes a decision where they weigh the pros and cons and choose the option that they think is they BEST CHOICE FOR THEM. It's true that not everyone would make the same decision but in the end..... it wasn't their decision to make, was it?

Now that you have made the decision you can move forward into your new normal.

[R_H_NC]

I too think it was your decision and no one else's. You kept your own counsel and as 2inUP said, now you can move forward.

I do have one request. Please update the thread from time to time as you move into this 'new normal'. Far too often we get half a story and never the ultimate conclusion, good or bad.

You certainly don't owe us that but it would be appreciated.

[Jc427]

Thanks for the update. I don’t recall if you shared your your role in their relationship, ie whether it was cuckold/hotwife/bull or more parallel polyamory.

No judgment here either way.

Best of luck.

[eater]

thanks for sharing your decision. I hope you will continue to update us on your continuing adventure.

[motivated hubby]

Thank you all for wanting to hear more about things. Nothing really new to update. My wife and I got our flu shots last weekend so we weren’t feeling all that great and this weekend we got our Pfizer Covid booster shots so I’m not feeling all that great again. But she is very much thrilled and so very happy with the decision that I made. We haven’t had much intimacy with both of us not Feeling 100% from our vaccinations, but we have talked a bit and she said that she told him about the decision and that he was incredibly happy as well then again how could he not be, ha ha. She did tell me that she has a special evening planned for the both of them and for she and I.

She said that she is going to be wearing the sexy lingerie I apart for her recently for him the next time that she is together with him. It is really absolutely gorgeous. And she also says that the next time that we are together, that it is really going to be something special for us. When she said that I felt like a child a week before Christmas and I started snooping a little bit and found a parcel box under the bed. I opened it and I found a new strap on‘s. I read tape the box and put it back. I am still very exciting, but I almost feel like I wish I hadn’t looked so that I could still feel the rush of the surprise that she has in store for me the night that it happens. But I still have a lot of excitement inside thinking about that we will be having penetration again and bonding in a special way something special that Jeff she and I will share together exclusively. That really made feel good thinking of that exclusive way we will be bonding as well. For those of you who don’t like hearing about this, please keep your opinions to yourself. For those of you who would like to write something positive or feel indifferent, please feel free to post some thing

[R_H_NC]

Thank you all for wanting to hear more about things. Nothing really new to update. My wife and I got our flu shots last weekend so we weren’t feeling all that great and this weekend we got our Pfizer Covid booster shots so I’m not feeling all that great again. But she is very much thrilled and so very happy with the decision that I made. We haven’t had much intimacy with both of us not Feeling 100% from our vaccinations, but we have talked a bit and she said that she told him about the decision and that he was incredibly happy as well then again how could he not be, ha ha. She did tell me that she has a special evening planned for the both of them and for she and I.

She said that she is going to be wearing the sexy lingerie I apart for her recently for him the next time that she is together with him. It is really absolutely gorgeous. And she also says that the next time that we are together, that it is really going to be something special for us. When she said that I felt like a child a week before Christmas and I started snooping a little bit and found a parcel box under the bed. I opened it and I found a new strap on‘s. I read tape the box and put it back. I am still very exciting, but I almost feel like I wish I hadn’t looked so that I could still feel the rush of the surprise that she has in store for me the night that it happens. But I still have a lot of excitement inside thinking about that we will be having penetration again and bonding in a special way something special that Jeff she and I will share together exclusively. That really made feel good thinking of that exclusive way we will be bonding as well. For those of you who don’t like hearing about this, please keep your opinions to yourself. For those of you who would like to write something positive or feel indifferent, please feel free to post some thing

So, now you will be pegged. I guess that is penetration in reverse. Is this something you have discussed and if not, whose idea do you think the pegging was?

[eater]

thanks for sharing your adventure. I'm very interested in seeing how your relationship evolves. very exciting. I'm glad she came up with something new for you both to experience

[CurvyNerdMILF]

I am glad to have this update and hear how you’ve found something just as special for the two of you. You sound very happy. I hope your love for each other continues to flourish.

[motivated hubby]

I am glad to have this update and hear how you’ve found something just as special for the two of you. You sound very happy. I hope your love for each other continues to flourish.

Thank you so very much for that. A lot of people may not understand our marriage or the lifestyle dynamic that we have. But the way I see it, the average person would think everyone on this site is a bit nuts for enjoying this lifestyle. We have been very happy these past couple weeks and seem even closer than before. Thank you for the well wishes.

[motivated hubby]

I know people here had been asking for updates, so just to let everyone know, we are doing exceptionally well. We are still in love, and our intimacy seems to be even closer than we have ever been before.

[R_H_NC]

I think folks are looking more for long-term updates. I would imagine that after only a week the glow from your decision is still present with your wife and her lover (and yourself).

[Brute]

I do hope you keep us updated; I want to know how the long term intimacy between you and your wife works out in this relationship.

BTW I am rooting for you

[2inUPMichigan]

I know people here had been asking for updates, so just to let everyone know, we are doing exceptionally well. We are still in love, and our intimacy seems to be even closer than we have ever been before.

It sounds like both of you are happy and that is all anyone could ever hope for. Keep sharing whatever details you feel comfortable with - Thanks for checking in to let us know how you are doing.

[DavaoMike]

Not to be negative, but what would happen if your wife’s relationship with her boyfriend ends? Do you expect that you’d resume having full PIV sex with her?