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by FNQLivin » Thu Oct 07, 2021 9:14 pm
The elephant in the room is that for Polyamory to work, all participants need to want to be in it.
I appreciate SSQ's perspective because she's in that form of relationship and all parties knew this. No one was left out or behind.
I am struggling with the correct words, so apologies in advance if this doesn't make sense or offends. If it does, I apologise for that caused.
In this case, Gina has a husband and a boyfriend. She has the best of both Worlds (if that is what she was seeking). Her love for her husband has not diminished, but her desire for him has. She gets excitement from her new boyfriend and the stability and love of her husband. One of the ways that people show their love for each other is in physical intimacy and time. I can just be 'around' my partner and feel content. When she is not with me, I feel no loss, because I know she's out doing her normal stuff. Even if we are not physical with each other, we can communicate and be with each other.
In this case, the husband has by its very nature lost both the time and the intimacy. When she's not at home, she's not out with friends or shopping or working, she's with her boyfriend. Her attention is (rightly) focused on them and their time. If I was her boyfriend I'd be disappointed if she was spending time thinking about her husband when we were together. This is now obviously more than a physical relationship, they like each other and have more than just sex.
Meanwhile, the husband is potentially alone and the one thing he had which allowed him to reconnect with his wife, their physical intimacy, is now off limits. For sure, they can hold hands, touch, kiss, but how long before that becomes off limits too. After all, kissing, holding and touching are ways of expressing affection, but they're also shows of intimacy that lead to more.
If I entered a relationship where it was known that this was expected I would not complain. For it to happen out of the blue like this I'd find harder to take.
Anyway, just my take.