Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Farmgirl]

I think it is a rare utopian idea if you think both don't get something out of it. Like I said that you skipped over, the one may only get out of it the happiness of knowing the other person is happy, but that happiness is still something.

This literally is the definition of compersion. Right there. So I'm not sure what you're misunderstanding.

I'm certainly not sure what you're misunderstanding. My post you just quoted, says the same thing I said in my original post about compersion. I originally said that the idea of the person having compersion without getting something in return is a rare utopian idea.
You quoted what I said and you said it is not a rare utopian idea.
It is a utopian idea to think the person having compersion doesn't get anything out of it. That person gets happiness. In fact if they didn't get anything in return/out of it, it wouldn't be compersion. To be compersion, they have to get something in return.....Happiness!
I still don't know what you are misunderstanding.

[early-kink]

Please remember to quote the question you are replying to (or answer) whenever possible so that the conversations are easy to follow and those involved get notifications about replies.

All comments that are not directly related to a question/answer can and probably will be deleted as this is not a discussion thread.

2inUP -
If this is in reference to my Oct. 11th post - I didn't know I could quote myself (in further posts.) I thought we could only quote others posts. I confess I don't know all the ins & outs of computer limits / possibilities. Sorry if I caused any ruffled feathers.

[mr-nobody]

Hello everyone,
My wife and I have enjoyed hotwife fantasies for years. Dabbled in swinging long ago. But this past few weeks was as close as she came to crossing into true hotwife territory. She's always been too timid to move past the fantasy stage. That all changed when we set up an Ashley Madison profile for her. A man caught her eye (and her mind) and they started chatting. She got to the point where she was wanting him to ask her out and had he asked for sex, she would have given it to him. Their chats got very sexy one night and she politely asked him if they could dial it back a little and just get to know each other a little better first. Then... crickets from him.

Now she's feeling withdrawls from the new relationship energy she was feeling and I feel so bad for her. Do the ladies here have any advice for ways she can get past this? I'm trying my best to reassure her that she is sexy and desirable as ever, this guy was just a flake. But any advice you can give I would appreciate!

[2inUPMichigan]

Hello everyone,
My wife and I have enjoyed hotwife fantasies for years. Dabbled in swinging long ago. But this past few weeks was as close as she came to crossing into true hotwife territory. She's always been too timid to move past the fantasy stage. That all changed when we set up an Ashley Madison profile for her. A man caught her eye (and her mind) and they started chatting. She got to the point where she was wanting him to ask her out and had he asked for sex, she would have given it to him. Their chats got very sexy one night and she politely asked him if they could dial it back a little and just get to know each other a little better first. Then... crickets from him.

Now she's feeling withdrawls from the new relationship energy she was feeling and I feel so bad for her. Do the ladies here have any advice for ways she can get past this? I'm trying my best to reassure her that she is sexy and desirable as ever, this guy was just a flake. But any advice you can give I would appreciate!

It has absolutely nothing to do with her. That was the first thing I had to learn. This is what I would say to her:

As a hotwife your looks, your charm, your sex appeal....none of it have anything to do with why men flake or are fakes. That is on them!

Most of the men who are flakes and fakes are either married men who do not have permission to play and are just toying with you OR they are men that are in it for the "chase and release" (in other words- they pursue women until they get them then they lose interest).

It kind of sucks because it is a hit to the ego and the self confidence when it happens. But just know it isn't you. You are fabulous they are just missing out!

To you I would say:
Have you considered a swingers site where there are men who have permission to play or single men who are looking for hotwives?
If he was on AM he might have thought she was cheating behind your back and only in it strictly for sex.
We wives don't always believe our husband's when they compliment us. After all they are supposed to do that, right?

[BritCouple15]

Hi,

Just wondering if I can get an answer from one of you amazing verified Hotwives…

(1) how did you feel when your husband first mentioned the lifestyle?

And

(2) My wife is ok with her pictures going online, she’s also done a couple of live onlyfans (which she asked me not to watch live)… do you think this is an indication that she might be more open to eventually partaking in Hotwifing?

Thanks in advance!

[2inUPMichigan]

Hi,

Just wondering if I can get an answer from one of you amazing verified Hotwives…

(1) how did you feel when your husband first mentioned the lifestyle?

And

(2) My wife is ok with her pictures going online, she’s also done a couple of live onlyfans (which she asked me not to watch live)… do you think this is an indication that she might be more open to eventually partaking in Hotwifing?

Thanks in advance!

1) I felt angry, sad and frustrated. My feelings were all mixed up at that point. It took some time by myself to sort it out.

2) I think this is an indication that she is an exhibitionist
That doesn't necessarily mean that she would be more likely to want to become a hotwife. Exhibitionism is a kink that some hotwives have but not all. For example I am not an exhibitionist and have no interest in being put on display.
She says she doesn't want you to watch the only fans live shows, would that also translate into hotwifing play dates? Does that match with your ideas? (Her playing solo)

Becoming a hotwife is a very individual decision and there is nothing you can point to, no common denominators, to identify hotwives we really are very different!

[BritCouple15]

Hi,

Just wondering if I can get an answer from one of you amazing verified Hotwives…

(1) how did you feel when your husband first mentioned the lifestyle?

And

(2) My wife is ok with her pictures going online, she’s also done a couple of live onlyfans (which she asked me not to watch live)… do you think this is an indication that she might be more open to eventually partaking in Hotwifing?

Thanks in advance!

1) I felt angry, sad and frustrated. My feelings were all mixed up at that point. It took some time by myself to sort it out.

2) I think this is an indication that she is an exhibitionist
That doesn't necessarily mean that she would be more likely to want to become a hotwife. Exhibitionism is a kink that some hotwives have but not all. For example I am not an exhibitionist and have no interest in being put on display.
She says she doesn't want you to watch the only fans live shows, would that also translate into hotwifing play dates? Does that match with your ideas? (Her playing solo)

Becoming a hotwife is a very individual decision and there is nothing you can point to, no common denominators, to identify hotwives we really are very different!

Thank you for taking the time to reply!

Your answers to number one of a big reason why I would be extremely hesitant in approaching her!

For number two… she is definitely something of an exhibitionist however she also has a rather high sex drive. In terms of her playing alone… I guess I would be ok with it provided I could possibly watch a video afterwards because she was ok with me watching the live shows after she had done them.

[kngtrain]

Looking for advice

A couple of days ago my wife, we will call her J, had sex with another man! It is something that I have been wanting for her/us for a LONG time. Some background on us.

We have been married for 21 years and have known each other for about 23 years, she is 42 and I am 43, we have one son who is 19 but still is under our roof. When I met J she was a virgin and I was her first and have been her first and only up until a few days ago, I had experience with other women before J.

I have been talking to her about another man for some years now and It has been truly amazing to watch, she was the one who made a friend and executed the rendezvous with him (I know him as well). The experience with him was everything that she hoped it would be which fills my heart with joy. It was so amazing to see her walk back in the house smiling when he dropped her off.

What I need advice on is we have not been good about navigating the last few days. My libido has gone from non-existent to overdrive and I can’t keep my hands off her and want to do things with her that J and her lover did that I was previously been reluctant to do. That did not go over well, and I understand why when I reflect. Just to clarify my increased sex drive is want for her, not other women.

Last night we went out for some drinks, and he was there, I knew what she was wanting I just wish she would have given me a heads up when got there and she saw him that she was hoping he would give her “a ride” home. I just want to feel included. Either way at the end of the night he declined, and she felt rejected, as she should. The problem I had is when I tried to comfort or reassure her, she pushed me away (driving in a car reached over to rub her leg in a comforting way). I felt as her husband of 21 years she would want me to comfort her and reassure her how great she is.

As we talked/had heated discussion later, she is having a big problem with “Now all of a sudden I want her because someone else fucked her?” I admit my drive has not been great over the last few years and that has she has gotten older hers has skyrocketed. That is one of the main reasons I wanted this for us/her is so she could be fulfilled and get to experience things she never had and be fulfilled in ways I just can’t seem to do anymore as well as being closer and more intimate together.

I knew that there was a real possibility that her taking a lover would increase my drive and I thought she knew that as well but maybe not. I thought that would be a positive thing as she was always wanting me and a lot of the time, I didn’t feel up to it. Either way here we are navigating the emotions. What I thought would be a positive side effect seems to be more of a negative one.

Again, I have no issues with her taking a lover or the fact that she had sex with someone else, I think it is truly amazing and I have loved watching her grow and develop on this journey as she can be self-conscious. I just am wanting to stay connected with the situation and not be cut out of the loop nor be resented as I am changing along with her.

I very well may be overthinking it and need to get out of my head, but that is why I am here posting asking for a woman’s perspective that has experience, also we have talked and both still do want to continue on this journey.

Please feel free to PM or redirect me if this is not the right place for this.

[Lookingforadventure]

Hi kngtrain

My experience has been that the hotwife adventure has all sorts of emotional ups and downs along the way, for both the husband and wife. I think it is important that you talk to your wife and honestly let her know how you feel. You should also listen to her and how she's feeling right now. Maybe her feelings of rejection were too strong right after your time at the bar for her to open up about, but in the light of a new day she may be able to express them to you.

My husband and I have always been pretty good at communicating with each other, but I think that has gotten even better over the past year as we've begun to invite others into our sex life. We both value and prioritize our primary relationship above anything else. That means being willing to listen to and process the feelings of the other along the way. If that means taking breaks, or stepping back from hot wife play, we do it.

I hope some good conversations will help you find a way forward that works for both of you.

[naughtycouple2323]

I am looking for some advice on how to help my wife get back into things. We were having loads of fun and enjoying the lifestyle until covid came along so haven't met with anyone since then. Now that we can met people again my wife is very unsure about it. She says that she has lost her confidence due to the time gap, she has put on a bit of weight during lockdown and has lost her sex stamina. I have said to her there is no rush and take as much time as she needs. I always tell her how beautiful and sexy she is but being her husband she says I'm biased. I have asked her what I can do to help with her confidence and she says she doesn't know. Can any HW give me some advice on what to do, I don't want to pressure her at all and really do want to help in anyway I can.

[Liese]

Can any HW give me some advice on what to do, I don't want to pressure her at all and really do want to help in anyway I can.

Speaking as a hotwife who has just returned to playing after a lengthy covid break (vaxed only playmates now), and whose own desire has waxed and waned from time to time, I'd just encourage you to cultivate a continued rich sex life between the two of you. Keep telling her of your desire for her, your pleasures with her. It's also ok to mention the hot times of the past, your turnons and interests, and encourage her to share her favorite memories of past thrills and current fantasies (which need not be fulfilled but are fun to explore in pillow talk). But just keep it pressure free, don't make her feel like it's your agenda to get her to do those things again. And remember, expectations are just pre-meditated resentments, and those kill passion.

At least that's how hubby has supported me in the past, and with time I found my hotwife mojo working again.

That's my 2 cents, and worth what you paid for it.

Liese

[naughtycouple2323]

Thank you for the reply and advice. I'm pretty much doing everything you mentioned already. The last thing I want to do is pressure her in anyway. I'll keep trying to support her and when she is ready I'm sure we will have naughty fun with others again.

[kngtrain]

Hi kngtrain

My experience has been that the hotwife adventure has all sorts of emotional ups and downs along the way, for both the husband and wife. I think it is important that you talk to your wife and honestly let her know how you feel. You should also listen to her and how she's feeling right now. Maybe her feelings of rejection were too strong right after your time at the bar for her to open up about, but in the light of a new day she may be able to express them to you.

My husband and I have always been pretty good at communicating with each other, but I think that has gotten even better over the past year as we've begun to invite others into our sex life. We both value and prioritize our primary relationship above anything else. That means being willing to listen to and process the feelings of the other along the way. If that means taking breaks, or stepping back from hot wife play, we do it.

I hope some good conversations will help you find a way forward that works for both of you.

Thank you very much for the reply, we have starting communicating better and things are good. I think it was just a lot of new things fast for both of us and we needed to work through that. Since then really amazing communication has been facilitated by the experience and I feel we are going in the right direction as a couple and her side fun. She is trying to make an account here but the registration keeps failing, I am going to reach out to tech support. I want her to be able to have a place to go and ask questions and hear others experiences both good and bad.

[Lovrman53]

Long time married man here (40 years) preparing to start a conversation with my wife explaining my fantasy of seeing her fuck another man. She is late 60's, fit and very attractive. I have in the last couple of years worked with her to drop her inhibitions and we are having the best sex ever. But, she is very conservative, won't share her fantasies and at times claims to have none. She knows I am far more open minded than her but sharing this fantasy with her might be too much for her to handle. We have talked about having 10 more good years to travel etc.. I want to pick that theme up and get into my bucket list which includes this fantasy. She has said yes to an adult only resort but I don't think she appreciates that this means more than no kids. My ask of the hot wives here is to help me predict the likely questions and reaction I will get based on what I have laid out here. Many I have read on this site, is this a ploy to get me to agree to permitting you to fuck other women, am I not good enough for you, and so on. I truly want her to enjoy the hottest man she can imagine (and I know they will line up for her). PM most welcome.

[BritCouple15]

Do any you amazing Hotwives use the lifestyle as an opportunity to just act like a total slut?

When I think about my wife and wanting to watch her I just want to see her cut loose totally and just be really really slutty in front of me… I don’t want the humiliation aspect of it.. I just want to see her be totally slutty with another guy, does anybody else have a husband who feels this way?

[Farmgirl]

Do any you amazing Hotwives use the lifestyle as an opportunity to just act like a total slut?

When I think about my wife and wanting to watch her I just want to see her cut loose totally and just be really really slutty in front of me… I don’t want the humiliation aspect of it.. I just want to see her be totally slutty with another guy, does anybody else have a husband who feels this way?

You have a lot of "I" in those remarks. What does your wife want?

[long4her]

I've got a question to the hotwives. Are there times and situations when women are likely to be more receptive to their husbands bringing up the hotwife lifestyle and taking the plunge for the first time? I know that women are infinitely variable in their likes and dislikes, but are there situations that are more likely to our wives being receptive than others? I know when NOT to bring up the subject ( and I didn't do this ) .... when my wife hasn't gone to work yet, and is mildly (majorly?) stressed out is NOT the time to bring up any contentious idea with my wife.

Thanks in advance.

[Tiger30]

Hello! I would really appreciate any help or advice that a VHW may be able to give. Alittle background:

This is my second marriage. It is my wife's third marriage. We met online about 12 years ago and have been married for ten years. My wife, by the way, is an incredible beauty, even though she is now in her 50's. Always tan, Blonde Hair, beautiful augmented 36 C boobs, and a fully lasered hairless body.

About 8 years ago, I began to focus on cuckoldry and realized that for my entire life I had cuckold tendencies and turn ons. At that point, we had a pretty interesting sex life, full of toys, watching porn together and of course me sharing my newly found fantasies.

About 7 years ago, I jumped the gun, and made the fatal mistake of setting her up with a Bull, without her knowledge. She discovered the set-up a few weeks before it was to occur and was rightfully pissed.

After another year passed, around 6 years ago, she decided she would no longer have sex with me. the decision was based on a combination of my earlier blunder with the Bull and the fact that she was extremely burned out from work, and the demands of her job. Weekends turned into her sleeping and trying to recover from the prior week. That, and I continued to watch porn, to at least get my rocks off in some manner from time to time.

In the last 5 years, we have not had sex. She will allow me to massage her feet, legs and body, but no intimate contact beyond a very rare occasion when she allows me to vibe her and give her a quick "O".

Nevertheless, during the past 5 years, she routinely reaches for one of the high end sex toys I have given her, and simply leaves them on the bed, when she is done, presumably either out of indifference or intentionally knowing that I will find the cum covered vibe. Oddly though, her vixskin dildos have done nothing but gather dust during this time period.

We work together, and I know for a fact she is not fucking anyone else, however, men flock to her and flirt with her whenever out. I mention this and she simply passes it off as bunk, and that she is just an "old woman", neither of which are true.

Knowing this brief background, just a few questions:

1. I know what I did wrong, with the Bull set-up, but what can I now do that would be "right"? Is there any way to correct this in her mind?
2. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a cuckold and in many ways, (the denial, the vibrators, and having to view her gorgeous, naked body every morning) does turn me on but also frustrates. Do I simply ignore the lack of sex, and move on together, just not sexually?
3. What if anything can I do to open the door, this time properly?

Please ask questions if additional info is needed.

I truly appreciate this site and your anticipated replies.

Many, many thanks. Tiger

[Farmgirl]

Hello! I would really appreciate any help or advice that a VHW may be able to give. Alittle background:

This is my second marriage. It is my wife's third marriage. We met online about 12 years ago and have been married for ten years. My wife, by the way, is an incredible beauty, even though she is now in her 50's. Always tan, Blonde Hair, beautiful augmented 36 C boobs, and a fully lasered hairless body.

About 8 years ago, I began to focus on cuckoldry and realized that for my entire life I had cuckold tendencies and turn ons. At that point, we had a pretty interesting sex life, full of toys, watching porn together and of course me sharing my newly found fantasies.

About 7 years ago, I jumped the gun, and made the fatal mistake of setting her up with a Bull, without her knowledge. She discovered the set-up a few weeks before it was to occur and was rightfully pissed.

After another year passed, around 6 years ago, she decided she would no longer have sex with me. the decision was based on a combination of my earlier blunder with the Bull and the fact that she was extremely burned out from work, and the demands of her job. Weekends turned into her sleeping and trying to recover from the prior week. That, and I continued to watch porn, to at least get my rocks off in some manner from time to time.

In the last 5 years, we have not had sex. She will allow me to massage her feet, legs and body, but no intimate contact beyond a very rare occasion when she allows me to vibe her and give her a quick "O".

Nevertheless, during the past 5 years, she routinely reaches for one of the high end sex toys I have given her, and simply leaves them on the bed, when she is done, presumably either out of indifference or intentionally knowing that I will find the cum covered vibe. Oddly though, her vixskin dildos have done nothing but gather dust during this time period.

We work together, and I know for a fact she is not fucking anyone else, however, men flock to her and flirt with her whenever out. I mention this and she simply passes it off as bunk, and that she is just an "old woman", neither of which are true.

Knowing this brief background, just a few questions:

1. I know what I did wrong, with the Bull set-up, but what can I now do that would be "right"? Is there any way to correct this in her mind?
2. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a cuckold and in many ways, (the denial, the vibrators, and having to view her gorgeous, naked body every morning) does turn me on but also frustrates. Do I simply ignore the lack of sex, and move on together, just not sexually?
3. What if anything can I do to open the door, this time properly?

Please ask questions if additional info is needed.

I truly appreciate this site and your anticipated replies.

Many, many thanks. Tiger

My advice is to sincerely appoligise, ask for forgiveness, and ask to return to intimate relations with each other. It is then on her to respond. Based on her response, or lack thereof, you will know what you are facing and you can make a decision to accept it or move on.

[Farmgirl]

I've got a question to the hotwives. Are there times and situations when women are likely to be more receptive to their husbands bringing up the hotwife lifestyle and taking the plunge for the first time? I know that women are infinitely variable in their likes and dislikes, but are there situations that are more likely to our wives being receptive than others? I know when NOT to bring up the subject ( and I didn't do this ) .... when my wife hasn't gone to work yet, and is mildly (majorly?) stressed out is NOT the time to bring up any contentious idea with my wife.

Thanks in advance.

Very few wives will be receptive unless there is enough intimacy and trust for her to feel secure. If you don't already talk openly about sexual things, chances are one or both of you don't have enough trust in the other to feel comfortable to do so. That is the place to start.
As far as timing: my husband and I talk all through the day, but we especially take time at supper. A comfortable time of the day when we are usually alone and can speak and listen to each other. Our trust is such that we can and do talk of anything.

[Tiger30]

Thank you Farmgirl. I wish a simple apology did the trick. I have many times, but will take your advice and report back!

[Subcucky]

Question for the hot wives
So I think my wife is definitely wanting a real man to fuck her but she doesn’t want to screw up our relationship.
I recently told her I would sign a post nuptial agreement that would be very favorable to her and take away any financial concerns if we split. She didn’t tell me it was bad. Just not much of a reaction but I’m thinking she may be thinking about this going forward and take me up on it.

Do you think something like this could be helpful in making her feel comfortable to playing around?

[ez456]

Question for the verified hotwives...

Well...the ones who've had a cuck 'clean them' after a bull.

How did you feel the first time a cuck cleaned you? I'm curious what went through your mind. Like a feeling of power? Lust? Any awkwardness at what was happening? Did how you see the cuck change in that moment (e.g. did you view him differently from that point on?)

Also...totally separate question....did you ever have an experience where you got with a guy soon after being with another guy, in the scenario where the second guy didn't know about it? Wonder about what that situation was like too.

Thanks

[Farmgirl]

Question for the verified hotwives...

Well...the ones who've had a cuck 'clean them' after a bull.

How did you feel the first time a cuck cleaned you? I'm curious what went through your mind. Like a feeling of power? Lust? Any awkwardness at what was happening? Did how you see the cuck change in that moment (e.g. did you view him differently from that point on?)

Also...totally separate question....did you ever have an experience where you got with a guy soon after being with another guy, in the scenario where the second guy didn't know about it? Wonder about what that situation was like too.

Thanks

A bull is a male of either Bos Taurus or Bos Indicus. I own some but, I'm not into bestiality . I have been cleaned after sex, but not by a "cuck" >
Perhaps learning a little about the women you are addressing might ease you away from the fantasies in your head.

Now, to answer what you should have asked:
My husband does often clean me after I have been fucked by a lover. It is a loving, bonding act. It shows that he loves me and appreciates me and who I am.
I have been with one lover after I enjoyed another lover. Either situation allows me to enjoy being naughty, and I love to be naughty .

[EllenG1699]

I am a new cuckoldress. Before I was married and during marriage up until my second child I was very sexually active and I enjoyed and almost craved a good fuck every night. Maybe because of hormones or because of hubby’s performance in bed (Hence his desire to be a cuckold) coitus become less and less frequent over the years. With the start of cuckolding my sexual desires have been rekindled. The problem is the whole scene of making time, dressing up entertaining my lover and taking care of my husband’s needs afterward while very exciting can be quite exhausting. To be honest, twice a week is about all I can handle. But still, I really would like getting a good fuck every night before rolling over and going to sleep. I wonder if other hot wives have similar thoughts?